Fields of the Dead

[Revenant]

(Closed to Ivory Evil)

William Arcus had once been a simple woodsman, following in the trade of his father and his father’s father. He had owned a cabin which he had built with his own two hands, and had married a woman who was the love of his life. But all that changed when the infernal sorcerer Kal’Necroth’s army of mercenaries swept through William’s home on their way to make war with the nation of Amra. William had lost everything in the wake of Kal’Necroth’s conflict and had eventually been used as an arcane experiment in the sorcerer’s forbidden magic. Kal’Necroth had bound two spirits to William, a spirit of life to his body and a demonic spirit to his soul. While the power of the demon ravaged and burned his mortal frame, the spirit of life restored him, turning William into an immortal killing machine at the price of constant suffering. William had wandered as a slave to the demon within him after Kal’Necroth’s defeat, submitting whenever to the demonic urges arose rather than suffer the pain of resisting until, in his blind rage, William had slaughtered a woman who eerily reminded him of his long lost wife.

In recent days, William had been making strides in his efforts to control the rage that pulsed within his soul, but he knew that part of controlling the demon was letting it lose from time to time so that he wouldn’t lose control unexpectedly. The Citadel of Radasanth was an ancient monument to conflict and battle. It was a place where comrades could meet for a friendly spar and warriors could test their mettle against unknown opponents. For men like William, it was even a place where they could let their inner demon free for a time. To that end, William had come to the famous Citadel in Radasanth, where the healing skill of the Ai’Bron monks could deal with the aftermath of his bloody escapades.

The inside of the citadel was one of the most magnificent things that William had ever seen. Soaring arches and carved stone stretched farther than should have been possible from the building’s external dimensions. Almost immediately, William was greeted by one of the Citadel’s monk caretakers. William noticed that, through magic or skill, the monk made no sounds as he approached. The monk stopped near William and waited, motionless and silent.

“Erm,” William stuttered, caught off guard, “I’ve never been to the Citadel before but I’ve heard that anyone can come here for a fight.”

The monk silently nodded.

“Oh, good.” William replied to the silent monk. “In that case, what do I need to do to join in on one of these fights?”

The monk nodded once more and then a pale, slender arm motioned for William to follow.

William wordlessly followed the monk through the impossibly vast corridors of the Citadel. Before too long, the monk stopped and gestured towards a small chamber.

“This is it?” Asked William, looking into the room, which was bare save for a small wooden bench and a simple iron-bound door.

Again, the monk silently nodded.

William’s excitement grew as he entered the chamber and disrobed. He rarely had the time or foresight to remove the heavy covering that hid his ragged, burning flesh from prying eyes, and it felt odd to not having the bulky long coat and heavy bandages weighing him down and limiting his movement. As his excitement grew, so too did the demon’s fire that burned beneath his skin. William could smell the stink of burning flesh and see the wisps of smoke that rose from his bare, blistered frame. Retaining only his ragged trousers for modesty sake William opened the chamber’s iron-bound door and stepped in.

The Citadel’s magical battlefield’s were conjured from the mind’s of the combatants for each specific bout. William was a bit surprised as he stepped from the Citadel’s smooth stone into the thick, bloody mud of Amra, but realized that the demon in his mind had conjured the abattoir where it had been born and weaned. Ash clouds darkened the sky, spiraling lazily from that massive corpse pyres where the Amran army burned their dead to keep Kal’Necroth from reanimating the corpses. Hacked and mutilated bodies of man and beast alike sprawled over the rolling pains as far as William could see. Rivers of viscera soaked into the dust of the boot churned ground, and the grey mud covered everything that the blood didn’t. The thick scent of curdled bodily fluid and emptied bowels grasped at William’s lungs, welcoming him home. Relishing the chance to feed on the violence of an age gone by, William let the demon slip from his mind with a bloodthirsty howl that pierced the stillness of the corpse field.

Skin blackened and curled as William’s body entered its demonic transformation, exposing the hot, raw meat beneath. Streams of smoke flowed across his large, muscular frame and his eyes blackened and burned like smoldering coals. Jagged, dagger-like teeth tore through William’s jaws and iron hard claws thrust through the charred skin of his hands. Loosing a second bloodthirsty shriek, William ran across the rows of piled dead, looking for his prey.

William was so intent was he on finding his next kill, that he failed to notice the stirring of the mauled corpses beneath his as he passed.

[Ivory Evil]

The streets of Radasanth were unusually more congregated than normal. It made it easier for the ivory suited outlaw to pass unnoticed to his destination. Though his face was well recognized among the guards of Radasanth, he didn’t hide it. He was slender, pale, and handsome. He was Vandahir Elaredhal the Plaguebringer, or simply Van. With him followed a trail of scorn and a thousand curses. Covering his crimson eyes were a sleek pair of glasses and atop his head fell strands of neatly combed black hair.

Van came to Radasanth under the employ of a powerful wizard named Gothamir. He would have to wait till night tough to complete that task so for now he needed something to kill time. He had only one thought that crossed his mind, a citadel battle. He had long heard of the great might of the monks. Legend had it that they could craft the largest battle environments from nothingness. They were almost master healers, not that he cared much for that. Van was cocky and doubted highly he would suffer any wounds from a foes blade.

The citadel itself was a magnificent structure that held a certain magical allure. It’s walls told stories of the epic battles that had been fought in it’s halls. It’s monks were silent and wise hovering from point to point getting acquainted with the warriors that filled its halls. Van made eye contact with one monk and the two began to walk towards each other.

“Young one what is it you seek here?” The monk questioned with a wise tone, as if he already knew the answer to the question he asked.

“Master monk, I am Van Elaredhal. It is a fight that I have long sought. Your citadel is well renowned and it would give me great honor to fight amongst its walls.”

“Follow me Young Elaredhal and you will receive what you seek.” The monk turned and silently walked his arms crossed at his chest. He was bald and his robe fell only inches above the ground.

Though seemingly peaceful the monks of the citadel held powers far greater than any Van had come across in his travels. The criminal would need to remember to stay on his best behavior here. Van followed the wise old monk casually glancing at the other warriors that filled the citadel. To his left he saw a Goblin wearing a green torn vest and wielding a great ebony bow. Not more than ten paces in front of him Van spotted a large demon carrying a sword that looked heavier than Van himself.

“Enter here young one and prepare for combat, your opponent is already inside.” The monk lowered his head with a bow never once uncrossing his arms at his chest.

Van entered a small chamber and looked from his feet to chest, his suit was clean as a whistle. It never dirtied for it was enchanted by his master Gothamir to always be clean. The ivory two piece dress suit matched Van well and had been with him on many endeavors. Suddenly before his eyes Van was transported to a land of rumble and ash. It smelt of death and he could see bodies for miles. Piles of ash and bone put a grin on his face. He looked down at the bodies noticing something about them. They like him were undead. He could sense it and was intrigued by this matter. Though he was different than those zombies, he possessed a different master making he and them definite enemies.

“I guess this is how it’s going to begin...” A grin was painted across the canvas that was his face. He withdrew his sword, The Spine Tapper, from its ivory sheath that hung from his waist. He was ready for whatever the monks had to throw at him.

[Revenant]

Stealthily, William loped across the corpse strewn battlefields, weaving back and forth amidst the bodies in search of prey. Bobbing and weaving he moved, in and out of the open lanes between the areas where the fighting had been heaviest. Without thinking, he flicked his claws out to drag along the bloated, ruined flesh of corpses that strayed too near, spilling viscera and rot in a grisly trail behind him.

Minutes passed as William hunted, once more master of his domain, freed from the bindings of civilization and humanity. A flash of white drew his attention, foreign to the dingy grey world in which he existed. The color had not existed moments before, William was sure of that. Realizing that this flash of white heralded the arrival of his prey, William moved quickly to engage, taking in details as he approached.

His prey was a man, or something man-shaped. It stood arrogant and cocksure amidst the ruination about it, and its only motion was to draw a gleaming sword to hand. The demon’s laughter rolled through William’s mind.

This creature seeks to best me with nothing but a piece of sharpened metal? His mirth roared in his mind. On this very battlefield where I was pierced by a hundred spears and slashed by ten hundred blades. My flesh burns with the eternal power of hell and my body is bound with the power of life itself. I shall show this creature pain, and death, and fury the likes of which it had never dreamed. William flexed his claws in anticipation of the meat that he could already feel parting beneath his touch.

It would be easy for me to circle around the prey, William thought. I could slink in from behind and take it before it ever notices me.

The clarity of his thought suddenly struck William, and he realized that by willingly bringing the demon forth within him, he had far greater control over himself that he ever had by resisting it. Even as this revelation dawned on him though, the force of the demon’s rage thrust forward within him and he lost control once again. With an inhuman roar, William emerged from the cover of the corpses and surged towards his prey, claws prepared for a strike.

And all around him, the spasms of the battlefield dead increased in motion, dark energies urging them to life.

[Ivory Evil]

Amidst a sea of mangled bodies and charred flesh was where Van felt most at home. He was more accustomed to death and decay than most human emotions. Ash and smoke danced on the air and dug into his nose. Van felt as if this battlefield was almost speaking to him. Telling him of the oncoming danger that lie just moments away. In the distance an oncoming shape charged the ivory painted confident Van. With a cocksure grin and a flick of the wrist Van turned to face his foe.

In the normal battle Van would speak to his opponent, try to tear out the hidden emotions the lie dormant within. In this scenario though he was a novice. He had never fought in the citadel or fought a foe he didn't know how to piss off. The power of insult was Van's secret weapon and usually it worked.

To break a mans spirit is easier than breaking his bones, Van thought. I will dwindle this opponent away with my words and my never breaking grin, he will dread the day he fought Vandahir Elaredhal!

Like the calm before the storm Van stood motionless waiting for his charging opponent to clash with him. Something about his foe surprised him though. The incoming shape did not wield a weapon and didn't seem to present any magic aura about him. The grin on Van's face widened showing a perfect set of pearly white teeth that matched his two piece suit.

All around the two warriors the battlefield stirred with the whispers of the dead.

I'll have to finish this guy fast.

[Revenant]

A shift in posture told him that the prey had been alerted to his presence and stood ready to meet William’s reckless charge. The prey’s well constructed defensive posture showed that it was either no stranger to combat or it was very well trained, but even experience couldn’t prepare it for the revenant’s blasphemous form, and the prey’s eyes couldn’t hide its surprise.

By now the red tide of the demon’s rage surged and pounded at the edge of William’s consciousness, a cresting wave that threatened to engulf him. Learning to maintain the balance between riding the wave and being carried away by it was not a simple task, but William was determined to take positive control over his demonic essence for the first time, rather than submitting to it. Forward he charged, welcoming the red tide and letting it flow over and through him, becoming one with the demonic essence for the first time since regaining his soul.

In the instant that it took for William to bridge the gap between he and his prey everything else fell away. All manner of distractions which had previously caught his attention; the bodies of the field; the harsh, chocking ash of the air; and the thick, coating mud churned from the earth by the blood of a thousand men; faded into the pulsing red blot of the rage. The revenant’s will sharpened his focus, whittling all thought to a single sharp point of existence. Perception of time slowed as the iron-like bone of William’s claws surged forward and down in an overhead slash that met with hard resistance.

And then reality returned to normal. Knowing that the prey was still standing, not even paying attention to whether his strike had accomplished anything or not, William didn’t even try to arrest his forward momentum, plowing straight into the waiting warrior.

[Ivory Evil]

The distance between the two warriors began to quickly shrink until finally the oncoming shape was now visible to Van. It seemed to be a man mad with rage. Van highly doubted this was just an ordinary man though. He seemed to be surging with some unseen force that was forcing it's way out of his inner being. Claws emerged where his hands should have been, this was no ordinary man.

Before Van could prepare it was all to late, and William was swinging down with enough force to derail a train. Van quickly stepped back to avoid the furious blow that could have split him in half but his foe kept up the same speed crashing into Van. This guy was fast, but Van was faster. Some times quickness and grace didn't go hand in hand though. Van's feet crossed and he almost lost his balance. Regaining his posture several feet from the enraged man that was recklessly being the agressor in this fight. Van stepped back into his fighting stance, one that was original to only him.

Around the two clashing foes the battlefield was beginning to shift and change. The echoes of crackling dirt were tickling Van's eardrums. From the corner of his eye he spotted a pale figure lunging at him. He turned just quickly enough to parry the almost bare skeletal figure of a woman. She obviously like Van was a zombie. Something that was once dead but was now reanimated. Her face was dry and cracking, but she looked so real.

The monk's sure know how to make a looker! Van's grin arched as he prepared to cut down the reanimated lady. Her hands stretched out trying to catch a grip on anything within her reach. She was incredibly slow and obviously a woman of low social stature in her previous existance. Van was no better than whoever originally killed her though. He tensed his muscles preparing for a quick strike aimed just above her right shoulder. A quick swing of Spine Tapper and the lady was cut in half. The katana was no stranger to the warm liquid that dripped from its blade.

Now back to that demon! Van thought as he began to turn to face his foe.

[Revenant]

With a pivot, the prey used William’s momentum against him and tossed the revenant into the slop of the battlefield mud. Quickly regaining his feet, William held his arms crossed in front of him, using his iron claws as a barrier against a counter-attack but saw that the prey’s maneuver had almost taken it off its feet as well. The prey recovered quicker than he did, but its attention was taken off of William by a third combatant.

For the first time, William noticed the twitching lurches of the horde of bodies that surrounded him on the battlefield and the foul wind which blew through the trenches formed by a thousand corpses, breathing life once more into inert limbs. One of the creatures was now lurching towards the prey, a woman who looked like she had been a camp follower for one of the armies that had perished here. The woman seemed to momentarily surprise the prey, catching him off guard as she grabbed for him. The prey’s surprise only lasted for a second and William watched as it evaded the corpses attach and neatly bisected her, returning her once more to the ranks of the dead.

It’s faster than me, was the only thought running through the revenant’s mind, the charred combatant still focusing solely on his opponent. The mistake cost William as he felt the vice-like grip of another lurching corpse latch onto his shoulder. With a snarl, William pivoted as hard as he could and brought his defensive guard apart against the bloated, graying meat of the arm that gripped him. Putrid fluid splashed out from the ragged wound as his claws shredded the ruined mass of flesh. The stench of the creature would have gagged William if the red tide hadn’t still been throbbing behind his eyes.

Four more corpses staggered behind William’s now armless assailant, with more lurching to their feet all around him. Faced with such overwhelming odds, William felt the red tide surge over him once again, stronger and hotter. The last shred of William’s personality that remained cognizant was borne away under the crashing waves and the revenant launched himself into the mass of corpses, slashing, kicking, and biting like the mindless death-engine that he now was.

[Ivory Evil]

These bastards are everywhere! Was the thought crossing Van's head as he turned to face his foe.

The man who had just moments ago almost split Van in half was now being swarmed by the undead. At first only few rose but now they came in a horde. They all shared the same grotesque characteristics and were the crimson of the strong men and women they once were. Unlike these fiends Van was incredibly fast and still retained quite a bit of his humanly strength, giving him a slight advantage. Their power was still in their numbers and that there was a wild card on the battlefield.

Suddenly William charged wrecklessly into an advancing group of corpses. No part of this man's body was wasted as he tore through the zombies like wind slipping through the bare branches of a winter tree. His claws, feet, and teeth were all part of his arsenal as he ripped through the crowd that surrounded him.

With so much action surrounding him, Van almost forgot he too was part of the fight. With a pivot the ivory suited warrior turned completely around to face three zombies who had gathered behind him. With a lifted brow and cocksure grin he charged slashing the Spine Tapper aimlessly through the bunch. His moves weren't as wreckless as the revenants's but in the end both men seemed to be doing the same damage to their oncoming foes. The only thing that separated them was their attire. Van's nice suit remained crisp and clean despite the barrage of blood that had been separated from the corpses. With an array of quick slashes and powerful swings Van found the pile of dismembered corpses that surrounded him now growing.

What the hell every time I cut one down two more pop up, Van thought. I'm going to lose more blood from these torn up miscreants than from my actual opponent!

Within seconds Van was overwhelmed and he retreated back, swinging his sword wildly towards any corpse that dared step near him.

"Hopefully your doing alright over there pal, because your next!" Van shouted to William and his katana caught the shoulder of an advancing fiend.

[Revenant]

William didn’t know how much time had passed while the red tide submerged his conscious thoughts. The rage was all consuming and he knew that it was useless to struggle against the syrupy cocoon that kept him separated from his own body. As always, the world swam red in his vision and the heavy beating of the drums drowned out nearly everything else.

Nearly everything?

A sound broke through the drum beat, mystifying William. Nothing had ever penetrated the rage once it overtook him, but now, for the first time, he heard something intruding. With desperate hope, William clung to the sound, letting it pull him up and out of the swirling eddies of the red tide.

And then, suddenly, William broke the surface. His mind was his own once again, though the red tide still throbbed at the edges of his vision. William felt his fanged maw open in a genuine, heartfelt laugh as he realized that he had finally managed to overcome the demon, even if it was only temporary.

Heavy footfalls in the mud around him quickly reminded William of the predicament he was in. The living dead still surrounded him, and in greater numbers than ever. Taking quick stock of the damage he had done while the demon had been in charge, William was surprised to find an opening in the crowd. Several of the corpses he had felled had fallen into a heap on top of a pile of bodies that had not yet pushed themselves up. The weight of William’s victims held the squirming mass of undead flesh down, leaving a small hill of rotten flesh that William could use to gain a moment’s respite from the grasping hands around him.

Working efficiently, in a manner completely opposite his actions of a moment earlier, William cut and slashed at the few remaining limbs that separated him from the pile of corpses. The ascent was difficult, made even more so by the fact that the pile of corpses still heaved under him as the trapped creatures sought their own freedom. Switching his attention from keeping his footing on the unstable mass and watching the corpses that crawled up the pile after him, the revenant slowly made his way up the rotting hill.

From his new vantage point, William quickly picked up the movement of his prey, fighting its own losing battle against the horde of death surrounding them. William’s charred lips quirked in a smile as he realized that it was the prey’s voice that he had been able to fixate on and use to pull himself out from under the flood of the demon’s rage.

I must remember to offer it thanks once I gut it and end this, the revenant thought. The corpses that he had left behind were closing in again, and the ever building pile of bodies was beginning to become unstable as more and more living dead awoke. If no action was taken, both he and the prey would be swarmed over and torn apart before too much longer, but the only action that would stop them wad the defeat of one of the combatants.

Coming to the only conclusion that he could make, William crouched low and then sprang into the air, hurling himself once again at the pristine foe retreating beneath him. There would be no escape this time. Either he or the prey would fall.

[OneManWolfPack]

Posted under my wrong name! Totally sorry!

[Ivory Evil]

The combination of the oncoming masses of undead and an unseen foe was beginning to peck at Van's mind. No matter how many dismembered limbs and swings of the ivory handled katana the undead horde seemed to grow rather than shrink. Strewn below Van was a pile of body parts. With another swing of his sword, Van separated himself from the advancing horde with just enough time to search for his foe.

Where the hell are you?!

Van paused realizing he had lost his real opponent amongst the chaos of the battlefield. With a horde of undead closing in and an alarming feeling within Van did something he didn't do often. He stopped smiling. The harsh realization that he might not win this fight alarmed him. Above him his foe fell silently through the warm stinking air the surrounded the men. By the time Van finally noticed what was going on it was to late.

You tricky son of a bitch!

[Revenant]

Unfortunately for the prey, William’s murderous descent from the corpse pile went unnoticed amid its fight for survival against the massing army of the dead. At the last instant, just before the revenant’s weight crashed upon it, the prey regained awareness of its surroundings. Seeming to understand its fate, the prey turned to greet William with a somber gaze that no longer radiated the cool confidence it had earlier.

The human part of William’s mind looked into those somber eyes and found that he sympathized with the prey. William knew all too well just how easy it was to get lose one’s self in the tide of battle. At that moment, William realized that he and the prey were not so different.

But no similarities or shared understanding could hold the demon’s violence at bay.

William shrieked with pleasure as he slammed into his opponent, bowling the prey over. The charred bone points of William’s claws followed, pushing through the breast of the pristine suit the prey wore and pinning it in the thick mud. Hissing at the opportunity to relish in the slaughter, William tore the claws of his right hand free and raised them once again to perpetuate further ruin upon the fallen foe.

A tight grip caught hold of William’s wrist and pulled him from his victim. William screamed at the denial of the opportunity to rend living flesh apart and spun to face the creature of living death that had taken hold of him. The face that greeted William was no living corpse, but that of a heavyset Ai’Bron monk. William had beaten his opponent and the challenge was over.

Though he registered the sight of the monks surrounding him, and those kneeling to heal the fallen prey, William could not stop the demon. He brought his free arm around so that his claws could find purchase in this new target, but found that his other arm was also locked in the vice-like grip of another muscular monk. William hissed, spat, and screeched as he twisted and fought against his captors.

“Control yourself,” came a voice from behind the hood of another monk who stepped into William’s field of view. This was the same silent, nameless monk who had greeted William at the Citadel’s entrance and had arranged the battle chamber.

William ignored the monk, snapping and biting at the man with all of his strength. The monk reached out with a weary sigh, his open palm extending and striking the side of William’s head with inhuman speed. William slumped in the embrace of the monks who braced him, the throbbing red tide suddenly replaced with a thick, warm sensation.

And then the lights in William’s mind went out.

[Ivory Evil]

The next thing Van remembered was the hovering torches of the citadel. He was surrounded by three thin monks who he hadn't seen before. Upon his wake one of the monk's shot Van a smile.

"It's about time you come to," the monk said as he helped Van to his feet.

"What... What exactly happened?!" Van questioned, he seemed to suffer from a minor case of memory loss.

"You lost..." One of the monks said before being interrupted by the monk who had just finished helping Van to his feet.

"Follow me and I'll let you in on a little secret."

"Well alright," Van said as he joined the monk in a walk towards the citadel entrance.

"It is completely necessary to lose my young friend. To grow you must learn and this is a perfect time for you to learn."

Van didn't respond but he listened, his priceless grin was wiped from his face.

"I want you to return here in a week, I'm sure you have some serious thinking to do!"

"So was that the secret or..." In in defeat Van still was a sarcastic cocky guy.

The monk shook his head and turned from Van. Van figured that was the end of the monk's banter. As he exited the citadel, Van started to regain the memories that were hidden within. He remembered being ripped apart by his foe and how he felt so defenceless as the creature lept on him from above.

Ha we weren't so different him and I... I didn't learn his name but I know I'll meet him again!

Van didn't get bitter for the loss, but he did plan on one day getting even.

[Revenant]

By the time William regained consciousness, he had completely recovered from his demonic transformation. Constantly having to repair his flesh from the charring effects of his power had become second nature, and it healed much faster than any other wound would. Not that he had suffered any other wounds during his fight with the man in the ivory suit.

The man in the ivory suit, William remembered. During the combat, while the demon had been unleashed, William could remember only classifying him as prey. The fact that even the man’s sex had been irrelevant and discarded information during the fight meant that William had still not achieved control over the raging power within him. Despite that, he had still been far more cognizant and in control during the citadel battle than he ever had while under the demon’s influence.

It was something that he would have to explore further.

“Finally awake I see,” a monk approached the recovery cot that William lay on. It was the same monk who had both greeted him and knocked him out after the fight.

“I apologize for the harsh treatment,” the monk continued, “but sometimes more drastic measures are required against our less cooperative combatants.”

William rose slowly from his reclining position, and wove the monk’s apologies off.

“There’s no reason to apologize. I don’t have much control over myself in that condition and you did what you needed to.”

“Is your lack of control something that concerns you?” the monk asked, and though he sounded sincere, William didn’t really appreciate this stranger prying into his business.

“No matter,” the monk conceded after catching the look of annoyance on William’s face.

William rose from the cot and went about gathering up his possessions from the small recovery room. As he was headed out the door the monk spoke to him one last time.

“Should we expect to see you again?”

William thought about the question. His mind wandered over the strangeness of the Citadel and the thrilling mystery that it held. He thought of the convenience and joy of being able to let the demon free within the magic battle chambers and, in the end, settled on the progress that he had made in combating the demon’s strangle-hold on his life.

“Yes,” William answered after a span of ten breaths, “yes, I think you shall see quite a bit of me.”

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Gentlemen. This was a fun read, and I do apologize for the length of time it took to get this done. As you guys know this is my first judgment in my return to being a judge in the first place and so this judgment has a special place in my heart. In any event, here is the judgment:

Continuity-

William Arcus-4/10-I scored you a bit higher here because your character was much better developed and had a clear historical background. The character was well played and I got to see some insight into the character's tragic background. The first few posts were especially interesting and I got to see the character's troubled past as I read the thread.

Vandahir Elaredhal-3/10-You scored lower here because I think you had some idea of what you wanted your character to be, but you didn't play with the character's past and history so much. The character's past plays into the character's future. I don't want to be bogged down with reading about a lot of threads, but some explanation of where the character has been and where the character is going would be useful. Getting more in depth about the character's history will help your score here and help you get to know your character that much more.

Setting-

William Arcus-5/10-You basically went buck wild here. I enjoyed reading your posts and that's why you earned a 5 in setting. I didn't see any extraordinary use of Setting, but you described it at all times significantly better than your opponent's descriptions and use of Setting. I got at least some information about what was going on in the environment in most of your posts. You describe things effectively, though I would like to see more detail from you in the future.

Vandahir Elaredhal-3/10-Your first few posts were somewhat consistent and had a better quality of writing. You described your setting with much more effort in these posts. I noticed that it was you who did the bit with the zombies first, but I personally felt that the zombies actually hurt the thread and didn't help the story. Both of you guys just accepted it and went with it, but I think that in the future plot devices should be used more effectively from both of you. I didn't read about a vibrant world, but rather a story about a bunch of zombies attacking you guys. Whereas this was somewhat interesting to me, I felt it was a bit cliched from both of you guys.
/10-(Keeping original Setting Notes but adding a bit more here) You basically went buck wild here. I enjoyed reading your posts and that's why you earned a 5 in setting. I didn't see any extraordinary use of Setting, but you described it at all times significantly better than your opponent's descriptions and use of Setting. I got at least some information about what was going on in the environment in most of your posts. You describe things effectively, though I would like to see more detail from you in the future.

Pacing-

William Arcus-3/10-For the power-gaming line I docked you here in Pacing. Please be careful of power-gaming in the near future. We never dictate our opponents' actions for them, that's power-gaming. I would have docked you more heavily here for the power-gaming business. I docked you in Pacing here because in my honest opinion, the power-gaming hurt the general flow of the story. You could beat your opinion of your own writing skill without the need for power-gaming.

Vandahir Elaredhal-5/10-You scored higher in Pacing here because you went along with a move that was clearly a power-game.

Dialog-

William Arcus-3/10-The internal dialogue I got from your character was pretty well done which is why you scored higher. In the future, I get that your character is not very social, I want to see more well thought out internal dialogues from you.

Vandahir Elaredhal-2/10-I got some words for the Monks in the beginning, and I got the general gist that your character is very arrogant. However, after that, I didn't get much else. You did talk a bit more than William did, but I would like to see you develop the character's personality much more.

Action-

William Arcus-4/10-You made clear and concise decisions during the story that were interesting. The main thing that hurt your score here was the Power-gaming bit performed in post number 12. I quote the exact paragraph for you in Clarity. Other than this, your actions were very well done and you had a clear understanding of what your opponent was doing at all times.

Vandahir Elaredhal-5/10-You scored higher here because you rolled with a post that was clearly a power-game. In the future, you should talk to members of the moderator body if you are seeing any power gaming on in threads. Also, I respect the fact that you went with the attack despite the fact that it was a power-game. Kudos to you my friend. I would also like to point out that though you reacted well to the zombie attack, I felt that it was a bit too cliched and you didn't take any hits from the zombies. Neither of you did. Don't just throw in a plot device just to use it. Make sure it has a clear purpose to the story.

Persona-

William Arcus-4/10Your character was much better described here since you had a bit of history and back-story working in your favor. I would like to see more references to past events, and future goals. Your character's personality is an interesting one with lots of potential. I saw some elements that made him seem almost like a stereotype killing machine. You can move away from that develop something truly unique. I get that he's a cold-hearted monster, but I want to see more of what motivates him to be a cold-hearted monster.

Vandahir Elaredhal-3/10-In the beginning, you had some idea of what you wanted to do with your character. I got that your character is very arrogant, but other than that I didn't get much else from him. I wanna see what potential for an interesting personality your character will develop in the future as you write more.

Mechanics-

William Arcus-6/10-Your writing style impressed me throughout the thread. You have a clear and concise knowledge of the English language, and I saw proper use of commas. I didn't notice any grammar errors from you.

Vandahir Elaredhal-5/10-Your started off strong. But your post number's 11 and 13 were considerably shorter than your previous posts. As a Judge, I like to see detail put into post. In order to improve this category, please put more effort in your posts, and try to write in a more consistent style.

Technique-

William Arcus-5/10-Your writing technique is decent and straight forward. You could use some polishing of your basic technique and apply more literary techniques to your writing. You have great potential, keep it up.

Vandahir Elaredhal-4/10-You also have a very straightforward writing style. To improve this score, I would like to more use of literary devices like foreshadowing and other similar techniques.

Clarity-

William Arcus-5/10-You were extremely clear and concise throughout the thread. I always had a good understanding of what your character was doing at all times. And what you were attempting to do. Though I personally felt that the zombie attack was cliched, you guys portrayed it effectively enough that it worked for the thread. You scored higher here because your style is much more consistent than your opponent's style.

Vandahir Elaredhal-4/10-I would have scored you higher here, but the length of post number 11 and 13 hurt your score here. I got a general idea of what your character was doing at all times, and it helped you get the points here. In the future, describe your actions in much more clear fashion and you will score higher. Keep a consistency throughout the entire thread as you write.

Wild Card-


William Arcus-1/10-This paragraph in post 12 hurt your score here:


William shrieked with pleasure as he slammed into his opponent, bowling the prey over. The charred bone points of William’s claws followed, pushing through the breast of the pristine suit the prey wore and pinning it in the thick mud. Hissing at the opportunity to relish in the slaughter, William tore the claws of his right hand free and raised them once again to perpetuate further ruin upon the fallen foe.

Though your opponent accepted the hit, this attack is borderline power-gaming and I would ask that you be extremely careful in the future. We never dictate our opponent's actions for them. The line where you pinned your opponent to the ground was where the power-game took place. You are a skilled writer with a lot of potential. Concentrate on writing naturally and avoid power-gaming in the future and you should be fine.


Vandahir Elaredhal-5/10-I gave this score to you because you went with a hit that in my opinion, was a clear power-game. Though you took it, you probably shouldn't have. A couple of requested edits would have cleared this issue, at least in my opinion.

***
Rewards

Overall Score-

William Arcus-40!!!

Vandahir Elaredhal-39!!!

William Arcus wins and gets 475 experience and 84 Gold.

Vandahir Elaredhal and gets 150 experience and 82 Gold.

[Taskmienster]

EXP and GP added.