Let There Be Blood

[The Reborn]

Cobble stone steps, majestic building, the scent of blood enveloping the senses. What more could a person ask for when they are bored? Watching the Ai'Brone monks weaving in and out of the countless warriors made Edward smile. He had yes to see the great Citadel of Rasadanth up close and personal and the building did not disappoint. As countless people of countless races passed by him, Edward could detect their disdain in losing their battle, or the gloating expression of victory as their chins remained slightly pointed towards the roof. However, it was the ones who remained neutral after their battle which intrigued Edward. Anyone could boast after a fake victory but the ones who remained collected were the true warriors of the Citadel if only his opponent would be of that caliber today.

Striding up to the counter, Edward met the gaze of one of the older monks. The man had a book open with a list of rooms and names scribbled into many of them. “Excuse me, but are there any available rooms?” Edward’s voice was lacking its usual confidence being in a place so new, so strange to him.

Smiling, the monk waved his hand over the book and the pages began to flip over and over until they stopped just as soon as they had started. Looking at the blank page, Edward began to see his name being written in where clearly no quill was touching the paper. “Number 32 down this hall.” The monk pointed effortlessly to his left. “Is there any special requests Mr. Locarno?”

Taken aback, Edward’s face hid none of his confusion as he raised his eyebrow. How the monk knew his name before he had given it to him frightened the vampire. There were few things in the world that could unnerve him, however the thought of someone having full access to his mind caused his skin to crawl slightly. “Um, no that will be all.” Turning towards the hall that the monk had mentioned, Edward could swear he heard him muttering something about a surprise.

The hall his room was down was lined with doors along the left and right. Whether the rooms were full or not Edward could not tell. No noise escaped the rooms, no screams of pain, no yells of joy, nothing but silence. Reaching his door way, Edward ran his finger along the golden number reading 32. At his touch, as if on command the door swung open revealing a small marble room. Stepping in, Edward scanned the room and laughed. “This room is barely big enough to pull a weapon let alone fight for your life.” The words had barely left his lips before the room began to melt into an entirely different scene.

Rather then a simple marble room, an expansive oval room was in its place. The floor was made of marble, and the walls a black material which seemed to shimmer. Taking a few steps, Edward continued to look around awe inspired by the magical touch which these monks seemed to have on this Citadel. As his eyes remained wide something else hit him, like a punch to the stomach. The smell of blood flowed into his nostrils as they struggle to pull in as much of the scent as possible. Locating the source, Edward saw two large pools at opposite ends of the room. His body began to shake as he longed to take in the warm liquid. His eyes soon blackened as his thirst began to take over. All senses left him as he stood in the middle of the room slowly feeling his human senses slipping away, giving into the animal instincts which would allow him to kill even his dearest friend.

((Open to one))

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

(As we discussed on AIM, I am taking up this battle. All bunnies approved.)

Something had changed within the youth. At first, he was only familiar with petty street brawls and had no cause. Now, he was a Neophyte member of the Order of Ai'Bron. He had something to live for, something to fight for and something to die for. When not in the combat arenas, Dyne spent much of his time mining for precious metals or in the forge blacksmithing various tools of wars. In the meantime, it was time to train in battle once again. Having obtained considerable strength and resolve, Dyne stepped out of the healer's chamber. There was a weight like lead in the youth's heart.

He'd obtained terrible scars of recent battles at the hands of MetalDrago Scorpio and the other, Cydnar Yrenes. Not healing properly, the scars on his body had become permanent. Dyne felt rejuvenated after the Monks worked the healing arts on his person. Walking towards the front of the Citadel, a familiar presence touched his mind. Dyne turned to look towards Master Renard Brogan. Feeling the familiar pull in his brain, the youth attempted to ward off the strange headache that coursed through his thick skull.

"You're defenses are getting better Dyne." Renard said. "We have your next job lined up for you already." Renard added. "Cancel any plans you have for this afternoon."

"All right my Master."

"And I don't want to hear any complaints!" Renard called to Dyne. "He is in Chamber Number thirty-two. Good luck and my the Bron guide you to Victory."

"What is his name Master Brogan?" Dyne asked. "I always like to know the name of my opponent at least."

"His name is Edward Lorcarno. He will challenge you, mind, body, and soul." Renard added.

"I would not have it any other way." Dyne said as he walked towards Chamber Number 32.

***

Stepping into the darkness of Chamber Number 32, Dyne was suddenly repulsed by a smell he had not expected to find. Everywhere in the wind was a scent of raw blood and the sound of several pools of the liquid. Dyne had to blink several times when he suddenly realized where he was. This is a vampire's harem?! And a few moments later, he could detect several hundreds of the blood suckers in the rooms as nothing more than glowing eyes in the darkness. Dyne sighed at this revelation. Walking into the chamber, the apprentice drew his sword. The bronze material reflected the torchlight that lit the chamber up. He saw several individuals swimming in pools of blood.

"So which one of you is Edward Lorcarno!?" Dyne had become a resilient young man and had learned not to allow certain sights to repulse his as much as they normally would have. Men and woman were nude in this harem and were playing sexually, and in some cased were messing around with submission/domination games. Dyne shook his head at the sight. He waited for Edward to show himself.

[The Reborn]

The sound of the blood flowing out of the fountains and into the pools at each end of the room continued to take the breath away from Edward. Instincts clashing with the inner mind was all that kept Edward rooted to the spot. His chest was heaving, his eyes black as night, and hands trembling on the hilts of his daggers. The movements around him did not register as countless vampires prowled on the outer perimeter of the room. Some feeding on the pools of blood, others were simply watching the lone vampire in the center with great anticipation. Apart from all these hunger driven beings a new life force appeared in the arena. A life force which still had a heart beat, one which blood continued to pump powerfully through his body.

”What kind of fool would willingly be in this place. Does he not realize the danger he is in by being near me let alone these other blood thirsty creatures? Thats all we are, cold blooded creatures which would gladly rip out his throat to drain him of his blood. The dark thoughts of Edward's conscience continued to hold him rooted to the spot despite this new comer. The man seemed fearless as he pulled his sword from its sheath. As if a room full of sadistic vampires was some every day walk through the woods for him. Grinding his teeth, Edward continued to remain in control as he forced his body to relax slightly at the sound of his name.

“You have a lot of nerve to remain calm human.” His voice was hard and cold, a side of Edward which he himself had rarely witnessed. “I recommend you leave this place now while I remain in control.” His words were more like hisses and were filled with as much venom as the fangs which now noticeably stood out, pointed, deadly, ready to strike.

The line of good and evil was fading. The question of right and wrong was no longer a question to Edward but rather a fading memory of his more human side. His instincts were winning an inner battle which would determine this humans life. Although he was scarred and seemed prepared to hold his own Edward feared for the humans life. As his conscience thoughts truly faded to the smell of the blood and sound of the human heart beat a final thought crossed the vampires mind. ”What a horrible place this Citadel has turned out to be,”

Snarling, in a blink of an eye Edward had pulled his daggers and held them prepared to strike in each hand. Bending low, he continued to stare at the human, The final shred of his humanity begged for this man to leave before it was to late. Before something happened which Edward knew he would regret. For a split second the human before him flashed and turned into the pale woman, the first human Edward had ever fed on. Just as soon as the image had appeared it disappeared and all humanity slipped from Edward’s cold black eyes.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

With sword in hand, Dyne felt greedy eyes upon his person. Some of the vampires lurking in the Living Dark were carefully studying the youth as if to put value on his worth. Daggers huh? Judging by their make and quality, they are Steel weapons of Average quality. Dyne sighed. I've been having some rotten luck lately in the Citadel. First it was that guy with the katana, and then its this Vampire. Real fucken great. Well a Monk's got to do what a Monk's got to do.

Dyne pondered his relative safety level in this harem. He wondered exactly how powerful the Immortals were. Dyne could see the Phantoms of the dead clinging to this sorrowful environment. Immediately, Dyne had one thought. I hate this place. Then, he started to walk in the general direction of his target. Edward was waiting for him. He is not taking the first strike? Interesting. I'll have to repay him that favor.

After many years brawling in the streets with no ideals, Alberdyne Cormyr now had something to believe in. He thought about all of his recent scars, both physical and psychological in nature, and how they were going to affect him for the rest of his life. With his bronze longsword in hand, the youth walked with as much confidence as he could possibly show.

"Tell me. Is this all that Immortality has to offer? Some dump of a temple where you have nothing but each other's company for all of time? If that's really the case I feel sorry for you." Dyne taunted. He continued. "I have no problems with your kind but I am wondering how it is that you spend Eternity if you won't even take up first strike in a Citadel Battle!"

With that, Dyne obliged Edward. He took up the sword that he made with his own hands and prepared to strike against the Vampire. With a tight combat stance, Dyne prepared his tactics against the Vampire. I wonder what kind of tricks he'll throw at me? It can't be as bad as that guy with the katana... Dyne thought to himself and then attacked. Dyne went for a forward thrust. His position was tightened with the maneuver. It was a basic attack that favored the right side of his body. Lunging forward, Dyne aimed his weapon for the abdomen of the Vampire. Dyne wondered if his weapon would connect at all...

[The Reborn]

The words of Dyne fell on all but deaf ears. Provocation was not needed as the temptation to rip the human limb from limb was already deeply seeded in Edward’s inner workings. His already pale knuckles were white as bone as he clenched the daggers hoping that if he focused on releasing his anger into his weapons that this human would make it out of this cursed citadel without a scratch. Talks of immortal life kept flowing from the humans mouth as he expressed his concerns for the vampires lack of action. Continuing the stare into the eyes of Dyne, Edward snarled lowly as the man started taking steps toward him.

Unable to strike in a Citadel battle were the last words the Edward registered as he detected the elevation in Dyne’s voice his instincts took over. The sword was plunging towards his abdomen. A blow which would cut him deep and leave him virtually immobilized and at the humans mercy. The strike was moving fast, taking less then a second to reach Edward but his mind seemed to slow the scene down as the point of the sword continued to drag closer to his body which remained routed to the spot.

”Would it be better to let this sword strike me down now? Does this human deserve to feel the venom course through his veins even if the monks can cure any illness? Does he honestly need to fall before the hungry eyes of these... dare i say it fellow kin?” The thoughts seemed paralyzingly slow to work through his mind. Just as he decided to let the sword run him through his conscience cut out once again and his animal instincts cut in.

Everything seemed to return to normal speed, well at least what was normal speed to the vampire. Sidestepping the attack, he realized he was quicker then the human but his weak human side had slowed him down enough to let the sword run across his side. He felt the blade cutting into his side. It sent pain shooting up his side but was merely a scratch compared to what he had almost let happen. Just as Dyne’s lunge was at its final reach, Edward lunged forward at the humans left side, the dagger in his right hand aiming for just below the human’s side.

After a few strides, Edward paused unsure if his strike had even landed but either way the human was now behind him. Listening for any sign of movement, the vampire ran his hand over the gash on his side. “You speak of taking the first strike, and the merits of being immortal. Yet, you are willing to strike your opponent without even revealing your name?” The voice which spoke the words was not Edward’s but rather his instincts fully controlling his body. It was a cold and dark voice, one which planned on toying with this human.

“Yes, I may be immortal. However you my friend are not and I’m going to enjoy draining every last drop of blood from your soon to be lifeless corpse.” Continuing to keep his back to the human, Edward continued to clutch his daggers hoping to detect movement before it was to late and he yet again felt the blade of his opponent.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Of course, Dyne realized his mistake early on. Guessing just a bit about the Vampire's powers, he saw that the man moved insanely fast. Damn it, another acrobat! Dyne cursed as he felt the injury. Time seemed to slow down for some reason unknown to the youth as the man moved quickly to evade his incoming attack. Dyne would never realize how close he was to actually killing the Vampire right off bat.

Before he knew it, the Vampire countered. Dyne felt a tremendous pain in his side. A knife impacted against his obliques muscle group on his side. It bit through his clothing quickly and sought out flesh and blood. Feeling his face cringe against the weight of pain that stung up and down his body, the apprentice growled. Blood quickly soaked his clothing compounded by the fact that the vampire pulled the dagger out further damaging the apprentice.

Falling to his knee, Dyne clutched at the floor for a moment. He could tell that Edward was behind him. Edward asked the youth for his name, and only then realized that he'd forgotten to mention it. Dyne held himself in crouching position with one hand to the ground beneath. His eyes were squinted but he could make out the look of interest on the Vampires' eyes as they watched him greedily. The injury had proven to be much more devastating than Dyne initially thought.

Dyne clutched at his side with his freehand. The blood was flowing freely and soon he would be at the mercy of these beasts. "His name is Edward Lorcarno. He will challenge you, mind, body, and soul." The youth remembered the words of his Master. Dyne looked at the injury for a moment and saw his own flesh torn asunder. Dyne sighed. This is going to be worse than my battle with MetalDrago Scorpio. Dyne stood up despite his pain. The only thing that allowed him to stand was his own pride and vanity.

"The name is Alberdyne Cormyr. Edward. Forgive my previous assumptions. I assumed you nothing more than beasts of the field. Your prowess in combat is quite obvious to me now."

"I have underestimated you." Dyne said with deep regret in his voice. "Your people deserve respect." Dyne stood with his back facing Edward. At this position, it was all Edward's game. "Hey. I'm not afraid of death. It's already happened to me once before." Dyne said. "I'm kinda injured right now so you can take the next move." Dyne readied himself. "Let's do this."

[The Reborn]

The slight gasp and change of composure told Edward his dagger had struck its target. Not a lethal blow but one that would impact the battle even if slightly. Looking down to the dagger clutched in his right hand, Edward could see and smell the blood of the human on the blade. His minds began to real, wanting to taste the blood which remained on the blade. However the thought disgusted him. The ghosts of his past victims floated before his eyes as he continued to battle the inner darkness which was encompassing him once again.

Compliments? As Edward thought the word he viewed this Dyne human with much more curiosity. It could simply be a trick to get him to lower his guard, or this human was inches away from begging for his life. Perhaps he truly was prepared to face the consequences of death. A grin spread across the vampires lips. One that screams sadistic to the other vampires surrounding them. They all began to stir and locked onto the human as a pack of hungry wolves would as the alpha went in for the final blow.

Taking a few steps forward, Edward paused a short distance away from the human. “Are you truly ready to embrace death? Do you honestly not fear the void which envelopes your entire being and the pain that I promise comes before that release?” Edward sounded cold and calculated. Leaning forward, he prepared to lunge. Feeling his calf muscles flex, he flung himself into the air. The inhuman strength which he possessed pushed him higher into the air then a normal human would be able to reach, hoping this would throw the human off guard.

Nearing Dyne, he pointed his twin daggers downward. Each of them guided towards opposite sides of the humans neck. If both his just beside his collar bone it would leave the human with little to no movement. Flashes of seeing the fresh blood spilling from an open wound on his victim combined with the fresh smell of the fountains made Edward’s lips curl back for the first time in the fight, revealing his fangs which desired nothing more then to pierce the flesh of this man. Despite his own pain which coursed from the gash in his side nothing could stop Edward from the hunt now. Just as nothing could prevent a feeding frenzy when blood hit shark infested waters, after all sometimes vampires were simple creatures.

Hissing could be heard surrounding the combatants as for the first time in the battle the surrounding vampires began to move more freely. They hissed at each other, fighting for position, waiting for the kill shot. Longing as much as Edward was to rip this man limb from limb. To taste his blood and savour it beyond any other. After all, what kind of man willing goes to battle with a thirst crazed vampire and then says he does not fear death?

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Speaking to him, Dyne carefully considered the words that Edward spoke. To him, the words almost sounded like an invitation of sorts. Feeling a rush of wind, the youth felt the world slow down again. No! Not like this! Moving against the provided momentum, the Psionic began his evasion attempt forward. Alas though, fate had entirely other plans for the youth. As Dyne exerted energy in his escape attempt, he soon realized just entirely how weak he was.

I need more power! Dyne thought to himself as he looked out the corner of his eyes and saw that Edward had jumped skillfully above him. At the same time, something else happened. Dyne felt a wall of muscle as he moved forward, and he crashed against this wall of muscle.

"Oof!" Dyne yelled out. "We're in the middle of something, damn it, wait your turn!" Even despite the fact that he was outclassed and outgunned by Edward, Dyne popped shit.

"Your fate is sealed little Soul." Came a hissing voice from the Vampire that grabbed him. "Finish him off Edward."

Dyne suddenly realized that the voices he'd heard earlier was really the other Vampires conspiring against him. Now the hour was late and the time had arrived. The Vampire turned Alberdyne Cormyr around quickly so that Dyne could see his fate. They had someow slowed time down so that Dyne would see every movement Edward made against him. Feeling the two powerful hands holding him in place, they also felt cold to the touch. There was no warmth in those hands, no comfort. That thought sent a chill up and down is spine.

Cold, unforgiving steel made their way towards Dyne. Dyne tried to close his eyes, but the Vampire placed his hand upon his face and held his eyes open. Dyne was forced to see. As Edward came in for the kill, Dyne wanted nothing more than to be someplace else. He couldn't believe this was happening to him and that the Monks had sentenced him to certain death. Across time and space, Dyne could have sworn he heard someone's laughter in the back of his head.

Piercing his flesh, once more, Dyne cried out in utter agony. Fire tore through his trapezius muscle group as the daggers pierced either side of his person. Staring at Edward with cold fear for the first time in the match, the youth realized exactly how weak he was. Even then, Dyne refused to submit himself to the situation at hand. Still struggling against the Vampire that held him, Dyne attempted to push away. The man held him fast in place.

"Only Darkness awaits you now Little Soul." The Vampire said.

"Stop calling me that you twisted fucker!" Dyne managed to call out. Then, the Vampire turned his head to the side revealing his neck to Edward.

"This is your kill Edward. Do relish in the blood my friend."

And Dyne screamed.

For it was all he could do.

[The Reborn]

Edward watched as the human began to dodge. His eyes opened wide as he realized his attack was bound to miss. Then it happened all at once. Dyne stopped in his tracks, held in place by one of the spectating vampires. Edward could see the vampires muscles bulging as he held him tight in place. Edward watched as his twin daggers dug into either side of the humans neck. They cut through his flesh like a knife through warm butter and all to easily it seemed. As they buried themselves deep into his neck, Edward let go, feeling the warm blood on his hands, and seeing it pour from the wounds which still had the daggers protruding from them.

The fear in Dyne’s eyes caught Edward off guard as he longed to sink his teeth into the soft flesh. The other vampire held Dyne in place, revealing his neck saying something that was clouded by Edward’s longing to feed. Hearing the screams of the human couldn’t deter the vampire any longer. Edward had prolonged the death of his only other human kill. The woman was to weak to scream when Edward had succumb to his hunger and fed off her still breathing body. This however was different and the screams escaping the human’s body proved that fact.

Curling back his lips, Edward snarled. Ignoring the blood curdling scream escaping Dyne’s mouth. Sinking his fangs into the soft nape of his exposed neck. The gush of blood which followed was sending Edward into a feeding frenzy. Continuing the devour the rush of blood which poured from the new wound, Edward continued to piece the body with his fangs, knowing the venom was coursing through Dyne’s body leaving him paralyzed. Leaving him weak.

”I’m better then this. Stop. Do not continue to hurt this men. You are no better then those who turned you!” The final thought bombarded Edward and broke his feeding trance. The warm blood that had once sent him into a frenzy now disgusted him. Reeling back, he spit the remaining blood from his mouth and looked into the weakening eyes of the human which he had just drained of a massive amount of blood.

“Let him go.” Edward’s voice had returned to its normal tone, and was no longer cold and hard.

“What do you mean. Finish him Edward or I will!” The vampire hissed his words. Eyes turning black as coal, and fangs bared and ready to sink into the already open wounds which continued to allow fresh blood to pour.

“No! He doesn’t deserve this fate. This curse!” As he yelled, Edward lunged forward. Grabbing hold of Dyne, he pulled him from the other vampires grip. As he pushed the human aside, he pulled one of his two daggers from Dyne’s neck. Facing the vampire, he buried one deep into the creatures chest. A loud scream echoed through the chamber as it looked into Edward’s eyes, stunned. The other vampires erupted around him. A sudden weight slammed into Edward’s side sending him sprawling to the ground next to Dyne.

He could feel the claws and fangs ripping at his skin as pay back for betraying his own kind. His blood poured freely although it was not that which ripped Edward up. He remained concentrated on Dyne’s face. Unsure of whether the human was still conscience, if he was even alive. The fangs and claws continued to rip at Edward causing him to fade in and out of his own reality.

“I’m sorry...” These were the only words Edward could muster in attempt to redeem himself. As the words left his lips, he slipped from reality and darkness swallowed him.

((Bunnying Approved)

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Pain. Pure, unadulterated pain coursed through the youth as the Vampire fed upon his person. Dyne tried with every ounce of his soul to fight the fate he knew was coming. Laughter coursed through his skull as the other Vampires of the harem descended upon him. He vaguely recalled Edward attempting to save him from the Immortal's wrath. Many fangs were biting into him draining him of the precious blood. Claws were also tearing into his flesh. But then something happened, just when he was on the brink of death the madness all stopped.

A new kind of pain burned through his body. When his blood was all but drained from his body, a presence filled him. Replacing his blood with a Living Darkness, the apprentice felt his heart stopping for the briefest of moments. When his heart stopped, Dyne longed for death. However, death's cold embrace would not greet him that time. Instead, his heart began to pump the Living Darkness through his body once again filling it with a burning agony. The pain was absolute, it consumed his body as he cried out to The Void.

Many vampires feasted upon the youth, as he called out to someone, anyone for assistance. When it stopped, it stopped all at once. A laughter in his head grew much louder with every passing moment across time and space.

He'd become something ugly, he knew.

Images, flashes coursed through his mind. His psyche was bombarded with the memories of the Vampires as they served to pass Edward's curse into something much more fearsome. Coursing through his battle-ravaged body, the Vampire's curse settled into the vessel of Dyne. Dyne screamed across time and space, he was vaguely aware that he'd never attempted to fight back at any point. A part of him was longing for the curse, longing for the powers that the Vampires possessed.

A voice called out from the Living Dark.

Boy. Do you want power?

Yes! I need the power to defeat my enemies!

Then accept me with all your heart and soul.

I do!

The laughter in his mind increased until there was nothing but that sound in a symphonic orchestra. Bound to his fate, Dyne felt the transformation as is black heart beat the Living Dark through his vessel. Now, he was completely transformed, mind, body, and soul just as the Monk had said.

Dyne cried in agony once more, and the burning pain consumed him...

***

Time passed.

Unaware for what seemed like ages, the youth slept. Dreams coursed through his mind that showed visions of a future yet to come. The visions were extremely disturbing and did not allow the youth a peaceful slumber. When he awoke, he was in a hospital room within the Citadel. Bandages were wrapped around his body. Beating the Living Dark through his body, the youth felt strange, different after the one-sided battle with Edward. His senses had grown chaotic. Hearing voices in the room, the youth slowly opened his eyes for the first time since the Vampires had ravaged him.

Why did you send him after that creature!?

I simply wanted to test his power, his skill. It turned out he was so worthless. Now he is one of them.

We cannot afford to keep loosing the Neophytes like that. What will you have us do about him?

Discard him. He is useless to us now. But keep a close eye on his activities. The curse flows in his veins now.

What about the other?

Let him go. Oh look, the Psion is awake now.

"Wake up boy. I know you can hear us by now." It was the voice of his superior, Renard Brogan. Dyne had a tremendous headache. "See his eyes are open. That was quite the beating you took Dyne. What does that make, the third time in a row? You're hopeless kid. I thought I saw something in you when I allowed you into the Order, but you're nothing but street whelp and now look at you. One of the Undead. Pathetic."

Dyne couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I'm...I'm a Vampire now? H-how did that happen?"

"You were bitten by that Edward fellow. We could have killed him but we decided to let him go. You were not worthy enough a Neophyte to risk man power or an outbreak. We're sorry kid, but you're not strong enough for the Order. You can use the Citadel's facilities all you want. But after talking with our Superiors we have deemed it necessary to Expel you from the Order. Tough luck kid. Get cleaned up when you can, get your belongings, and get out of here." With that said, Renard prepared to take his leave. He nodded towards another Monk that he'd been chatting with earlier.

Dyne couldn't believe everything he was hearing. "I was bitten? I'm a Vampire now?" He was calm about the whole thing. Dreadfully calm.

"I have ill seen a Neophyte fail as completely and utterly as you have. Yes you are a Vampire now. Even now I can smell the curse flowing through your body. Your kind disgusts me." Renard said. "When you are all cleaned up, get out of here and go crawl into some cavern and die. We want nothing to do with you."

Hearing the Monk's biting words, the Vampire simply felt numb to everything. He stared into space for a long time. As he stared he did the only thing he knew to do. He began to cry.

[The Reborn]

Brightness fell upon Edward’s closed eye lids. He had no idea how long he had been out or if he was even still alive. ”Is this the afterlife? Have I honestly been rid of this curse which has flowed within me for years? No. It cant be for if I had died the fires of the underworld would be consuming my spirit for what it has done while alive.” Testing his theory, Edward opened one of his eyes, and the sun from the window to his left caused his eyes to water with discomfort. A monk passed his door and saw that the vampire lay awake and spun on his heel, and entered the room.

Slipping past the bed, the monk closed the linen curtain which left the room in a much more comfortable darkness. “You did a number on Dyne Mr. Lorcarno.” The monk sat on one of the chairs across the room, clearly uncomfortable sitting any closer to the vampire. “We do not view you as human, we view you as a creature. We have healed your wounds completely but now you must leave.” He tossed a flask towards Edward which landed on his chest. “Drink this and please leave.”

As the monk got to his feet, Edward pulled himself into a sitting position feeling his stomach strain with the effort. “Where is Dyne.” His words fell on deaf ears as the monk exited the room without another word. Opening the flask, Edward smelled the liquid within and could smell the different herbs that were combined to make what he assumed was a tonic. Cursing under his breath, he tossed the flask aside and slid out of the bed. Grabbing his daggers off the end table, he rammed them into his sheath, Dyne’s dry blood remained on the blades and sent shivers down the vampires back.

Stepping out into the main hallway people passed the vampire once again unaware of the monster that was hidden deep within him. His eyes were the calm blue that they were when he was not driven to feed. The only one who passed him that gave him the uncomfortable stare of disapproval were the monks, and even then some of them seemed to not know his roots, or simply did not care. Following the winding corridors, Edward could see flash backs of the battle imprinted on his mind. The look of Dyne’s face as he went through the torture of the feeding. The pain Edward himself went through having flesh which was now full healed torn from his body. Fickle thing this Citadel was. Meant to leave no lasting marks yet a mans life was ruined and the emotions of the battle dug deep.

Seeing the front doors, Edward longed to be rid of this place. Giving up his hunt for Dyne he quickened his pace until he caught the familiar scent of one of his own kind. Stopping, he paused and instincts dragged him in the direction of his fellow vampire. It could be Dyne or it could be another of his kind coming to the Citadel being curious of its magic. Reaching a door, Edward glanced in and could see Dyne lying in his bed, tears streaming down his face. A grimace spread across Edward’s face as he spun on his heel and dashed for the front door, his cloak flowing behind him.

”Look what you have done! His life, his happiness, his humanity are over!” The thoughts stung Edward worst then the sharp fangs of the vampires had. It brought back the ghost of the woman he had first fed on, her hollow empty eyes. At least she had died, she did not have to live with the curse. Dyne however was forever changed, Edward had seen to that. His fangs had injected the venom that would allow the human to never be the same. He had passed the curse he loathed on to another being. He had failed himself.

Breaking out the front doors, Edward’s enhanced speed carried him away from the halls of the Citadel and the thoughts of the battle. Slipping through the crowd, he quickly entered the nearest ally. Sliding down the side of the building that lined the alley, he sunk to his knees. Staring at the blank brick wall, he replayed the battle over and over in his mind allowing each detail to stab into him like a daggers tip. This would never be forgotten.

((Spoils: Due to Dyne’s blood, Edward has inherited psionic powers. These powers remained locked and will develop in later threads. As of now he only sees glimpses of spirits around him, and the voices of those which are dead. However, due to his misunderstanding Edward passes these off as ghosts from his past.))

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

(My conclusion)

Once Dyne had fully recovered from his injuries, the world had changed drastically. Sunlight bit harshly into his skin increasing the heat, but somehow, he was able to walk in the daylight hours. His blood had bonded successfully with Edward's curse. Most importantly, he'd received the taint from several other different bloodlines of the Vampires whilst in the Citadel. This further compounded the matter. For a moment, Dyne could have sworn he felt Edward's presence nearby.

"E-Edward?"

He called out weakly to his kin. But the presence soon faded. I have been strong up until this point. The Order has rejected me, but I have found a new Order to belong to. Deciding that he would face this new challenge head on, Dyne felt that he'd rested enough. Moving out of the bed, Dyne saw a flask on the counter next to his bed. It had a particular scent to it that played with his nostrils in a most agreeable way.

"Is that? Blood...?" Dyne thought out loud. Why would they help an utter failure? Dyne thought to himself as he considered what had just happened. Did that bastard Monk set me up? No. It is not in my nature to blame others for my own setbacks. No. This is something I have to deal with on my own. Dyne took the flask, unscrewed the cap and took the blood to his lips. It was an interesting sensation that followed, his entire body filled with warmth and a strength he had never known.

You can still use the Citadel. Renard had said. I intend to. I will grow more powerful! Dyne was filled with inhuman determination now to succeed. A female Monk entered the room after he'd fed. He looked in her general direction and saw something mysterious about her.

"I was sent by Renard. I am an Elder Vampire. My name is Cynthia Rouge. Remember that well. I will be your new master."

Dyne could not believe what he was hearing. Renard had helped him after all? Dyne shook his head.

"Thanks. But no thanks. Last time that I tried to apprentice under someone better than me, it was all a farce. I have enough Masters for one lifetime right now. Thank you anyway lady. I have something I have to do."

And with that, Dyne left to seek out Edward.

The End.

****

***Spoils***

The Hunger-As a Vampire, Alberdyne Cormyr must periodically feed every so often. If he doesn't feed, the curse begins to weaken him drastically. Dyne was bitten directly by several different Vampires, most noticeably, Edward. As a result, Dyne has developed 1.5 Times Strength and Speed. His Speed allows him to move at a stead 10 MPH's. Dyne has obtained a Double-Lethal weakness to the Glorious Light. Also, Dyne has developed fangs that grow when he is hungry. They grow to about two inches in length and have the strength and density of Iron. He also has retractable claws he can use as weapons. No other changes have occurred so far.

[Amaril Torrun]

Alberdyne’s numbers will be second. The Reborn’s numbers will be first.

Story

Continuity - 4,6 - I got very little information on Edward’s reasons for going to the Citadel, though you did incorporate pieces of his past into the battle, which helped out. Dyne’s presence in this story had clearer motives and meaning.

I’m not entirely clear on why the Citadel would allow a room to be filled with real vampires, solely to help Edward take Dyne’s life. It was an interesting concept, but it would have been easier to grasp this coming from outside of a controlled place meant only to train combatants.

Setting - 5,4 - You two need to work on creating a living, breathing environment that surrounds your characters. There were chunks of this story that could have taken place in a vacuum. The presence of the other vampires in the background helped mold the mood of the battle.

Pacing - 4,3 - This story went by too quickly for something as life (or death) changing as becoming a vampire. Alberdyne seemed to push it faster.

Character

Dialogue - 5,6 - Both of you should look at your inner dialogue. There are times when it detracts from what’s going on. I understand the need to express what a character is thinking during intense moments, but there simply isn’t time for a lengthy conversation with oneself when a blade is heading your way. Reflecting on an opponent’s attack is a bit better, though watch making those too long as well, since it takes away from the reality of a dangerous situation. I liked some of Alberdyne’s use of NPC dialogue, especially the vampire that helped him in place.

Action - 5,5 - There wasn’t anything spectacular or necessarily wrong here. When writing a story with more than one person, coordination is the key to making the whole thing run smoothly. The start of the battle had the typical “I made my move and completed my attack, but I have no clue if it hit.” You two then proceeded to do what I would have suggested had the whole battle continued that way. Kudos on working together at the end to make the climax more… climatic. Next time try to coordinate with your co-authors from the get-go in order to give that same effect to the entire story.

Persona - 7,4 - I learned a lot more about who Edward is than Dyne. Edward’s inner struggle seems to be the key to what makes him tick, and you put the focus on that appropriately. Dyne seemed to shrug off just about anything that came his way, with little to no feeling. I was hoping to learn a lot more about him in a story that seems pointed toward changing the course of the rest of his life.

Writing Style

Mechanics - 4,5 - There were some comma mistakes here and there. Reborn, watch out for words with similar spellings, such as “scared” and “scarred” as well as using “then” instead of “than” and “to” instead of “too.” There were also several instances where you would forget the apostrophe for “human’s” and “vampire’s.” You made a lot of the same mistakes, Alberdyne, though in a lesser degree.

Technique - 5,4 - Sentences such as “Dyne wondered if his weapon would connect at all…” are counterproductive. Not only do they take away from the action, but they also make the reader wonder why Dyne is making that move at all. He comes across as a confident enough fighter that such thoughts don’t make very much sense. I put it in this section because when I see sentences like this, they seem to be written as filler.

Clarity - 4,4 - There were some spots the needed rereading, due to mechanics or the pacing.

Wild Card - 5,5 -

The Reborn earns a score of 48 and 500 experience and 100 gold.

Alberdyne_Cormyr earns a score of 46 and 150 experience and 50 gold.

Both of your spoils are approved, though I'm going to lock Dyne's heightened abilities until you update his character profile due to the many changes that come with being a vampire. Also, I'd recommend making him run a bit faster than 10 MPH in your update, since that is already about average for a typical person.


I’ll be more than happy to discuss any questions either of you might have, or this rubric in greater detail over PM.

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added.