Through Forge and Flame

[Zook Murnig]

"Kneel in my presence, mortal firecaller, and pray tell what insolence has brought weakness to my tower and temple?" The man looked as nothing more than a demon, and he may as well have been, by his temper. Great in size, with coal black skin mottled with cracks of glowing crimson, his short horns jutted but an inch above his angry visage and bare head. Huge and razor sharp nails tapped into the arm of a throne of obsidian, scoring it deeper and hotter with force and flame. The very air around the beast rippled with power and heat, and the immense curved scimitar of bronze leaning against the seat burned with hunger for fresh blood and battle.

Across the vaulted and pillared hall kneeled a young man, slight and fragile in comparison, clad only in simple hooded robes of russet, a small blue-bladed knife tucked neatly in the sash. "O great Djinn, I have come seeking the counsel of the King of Flame and to learn what wisdom he has occasion to impart upon a meager magician of Philosophus grade." With this, Caduceus rose and allowed the cowl to fall back, revealing his faintly bearded jaw and piercing eyes.

"Philosophus!?" the monster thundered, reaching for his blade as he stood. "I see before me a mere mewling neophyte, begging for scraps to which he has no claim! The Great Salamander has no call to heed impetuous dabblers!" The elemental roared in ire, cleaving the air before him even as his sword burst to flame. The earth rumbled and where he struck, a jet of conflagration erupted. Djinn charged forward, screaming, "Prove your worth, human!"

And the young magician immediately began to question his master's wisdom in sending him to incite the creature's rage, even as he called up the power to, hopefully, rebuff the King.

[Zook Murnig]

The door creaked as it opened, revealing a countenance the magician did not expect, a young lady's. "Shalom, miss..." he fumbled.

"Gavrila," she supplied. "Gavrila Endora. Are you here to see Master Cicero?" She was at least five years his junior, with dark hair falling to her shoulders. Rather than the simple dresses he would expect of the other lasses of Hearthwood, she wore slacks and a tunic. They ill fit her, however, as if they were not her own, but belonging to an older brother, or her father in his youth.

"Indeed, Gavrila. May I come in?" The girl stepped aside and led Caduceus inside, to a spartanly decorated sitting room. A pair of soft scarlet armchairs faced each other by a fire, with a slightly less comfortable-looking sofa on the opposing side. Nothing adorned the cobbled stone walls or the hardwood floor, though a small desk sat stacked high with books in the corner. The old man has taken her as his apprentice, then. As the girl turned to leave, presumably to fetch Chic, he spoke again. "Tell him that Chaim has come calling. He always used to call me that."

[Zook Murnig]

"Shaddai el Chai Atziluth," snarled the young man as the Fire King thundered nearer, closing the last few yards. He drew the dagger from his side and swept it through the air before him, the blade tempering his will into a hurricane in miniature. The powerful gale at once hurled Caduceus safely, though roughly, to the right and fouled his attacker's charge. His robes were buffeted about him as he caught himself in a crouch.

Even as Djinn recovered his own balance, he was already preparing his retaliation. Short, guttural syllables echoed through the hall, and with his free hand the Salamander hurled a torrent of dark flames. Like a whip, they rushed out high, then were swung down upon the magician.

"Adonai!" came the reply as Caduceus raised his fist as if a shield, and dark stone flew to his aid, a barrier of rock against the explosion that shook nearby pillars. He hardened his will against the onslaught, holding the wall of earth between himself and his foe while he worked to draw upon the very energies so scarce in the South Tower.

Here, the active element of Fire held sway, and its polar opposite could gain only a token presence. And so the mage called out to its own stronghold, in the West Tower, a bastion of ice and Water energy. "Apas, flow to me." Another blast rocked the temple, and his mind with it. He knew that the spell would fail soon, without his full attention, and so he pulled harder still, grasping for whatever power he could.

"Fool human, to think mere pebbles may hold back the tide of flame," jeered the monster. "You shall yet pay for the sully you have brought to my realm."

Even in this blazing place, Caduceus began to feel a chill run his spine, whether from sheer terror or his next spell. He prayed for the latter as he dropped the shield and thrust out with his knife, screaming "ELOHIM TZABAOTH!!!"

Magic rushed out of him, hastily aimed and focused upon his adversary's heat-wreathed face, and the air around it simply froze. The working didn't last long, however, before ice became water, and water became steam in that blistering blaze. Still, he earned a howl of pain and frustration for his efforts, and bought precious seconds to act as Djinn stood stunned, his glowing ember eyes squeezed shut.

"Your name, dabbler," demanded the beast. "Your name, that I may know who has earned my greatest ire."

The magician smiled and answered, "You may call me Chaim."

[Zook Murnig]

Chic Ezra Cicero was at once a plain and unique individual to look upon. On the one hand, his basic features were of common stock for the village of Hearthwood, and most of Corone for that matter: somewhat stocky build, a prominent, but not overlarge nose, salt-and-pepper hair cut respectably close, a modest farmer's tan, and a myriad of other ordinary characteristics. On the other, he showed near to every mark of a life devoted to arcane study of one sort or another. One eyebrow had been scorched from his face and grown back kinkily, his hands displayed multiple burns from alchemical attempts long past, and tiny pinprick scars had formed over his left forearm, the remnants of blood letting for complex spellwork.

And this remarkable countenance wore an expression of keen interest, and barely contained excitement – the man almost invisibly shook in his broad chest with each breath, and he leaned forward in his chair, hands clasped together tightly. "And once this creature, the Qlippoth, was defeated and bound, the middle pillar arose from its binding?" the man asked animatedly, his voice rough with age and use.

"Yes, master. And when I awoke, a sign had formed upon my abdomen," the younger magician replied. "The mark of the goddess Luna."

The elder shut his eyes tightly at this, falling back in his chair. He did not speak for several moments, considering. Finally, "This is...not unheard of, though I know of only one case in recent generations of this happening. I cannot say that his circumstances match yours completely without an examination of the mark, however." He looked his former apprentice squarely in the eyes. "Chaim, may I see this sign?"

"Of course, sir," said Caduceus as he rose. As he pulled off his robes, vivid images flashed before his eyes of the previous night's excursion. The hands of a beautiful woman, undressing him similarly. Their embrace, and her departure the next morning, possibly to never meet again.

He laid the garment down in the chair behind him, and paused self-consciously before lowering the waist of his trousers an inch to reveal the shimmering silver crescent above his loins. And two new shining marks on his hips.

The master sat stunned, and Caduceus heard a gasp from the next room, drawing his eyes to meet with those of young Gavrila as she peered around the corner from the kitchen. She retreated almost immediately, and the magician returned his attention to the man across from him.

"Caduceus, my boy, this is remarkable," he breathed. "And gravely serious."

[Zook Murnig]

"How serious, sir?" hazarded the bare-chested young man. He felt his former master's gaze fixated on the two new sigils, those of Venus on his left and Mercury, his right, in green and orange, respectively.

"Have you experienced in any unusual magical occurrences since your projection and meeting with the Qlippoth?"

"Yes, sir. I managed to glimpse the goddess Luna in astral form just last night," he replied truthfully, though he did not dare go into further detail about the encounter. The old man wouldn't understand, he thought. And he certainly wouldn't approve of such activities.

"I see. You may dress yourself, son," Chic instructed. "I think I may know what is happening."

"Sir?" Caduceus, pulling his robes back over his head, became more and more nervous with each passing second. "What is it, sir?"

The man sighed deeply. "I'm afraid your training will need to step up immediately. This creature bound within you is the demon of your self, and so long as it remains it will gnaw at you, clawing away at its binding. You will yet face it again, before long, and you need to be prepared for this confrontation.

"To this end, you will need to practice the finer arts of the magician, and the more dangerous. The seal you placed upon the Qlippoth would seem to be a strong one, but your skills need to improve greatly in that area. This will require knowledge of the delicate magic that goes into enchantments, as the same principles apply. You will need to construct a wand, an implement of the Fire element to get a foothold in your studies."

"But...but, sir... Wouldn't a magician study himself intensely before even attempting such a device?" Caduceus knew what happened to mages who tried and failed – most didn't get a second chance at it. It took months, sometimes years, to come up with the proper formulae to attune the object to its user's energies and habits within the Art.

"Yes, Chaim. Which is why you must do one other thing first. It is more dangerous still, but this at least you have a chance of surviving without losing time in preparations. I believe you will be able to handle the Elemental Monarch of Fire, Djinn, though he will be a challenge even for you."

"S-sir...what must I do?"

[Zook Murnig]

Several hours later, Caduceus had calmed some and Chic had run through the basics of facing Djinn, and other astral entities of similar strength.

Presently, he was seated facing the hearth, his breath steady and patient. His mind wandered outward from his body, and with an effort of will he released the bonds between body and spirit, and struck out astrally for the South Tower, home and temple of the Fire King, Djinn. He began to feel the intense heat, swallowing him and threatening to burn him to the core, but he would not abide it. Finally, he felt as if he were bodily in the heart of a volcano, and he waved an arm and coalesced, standing in a great hall, surrounded by pillars formed from solidified jets of magma, and an obsidian throne across from him.

"Kneel in my presence, mortal fire-caller, and pray tell what insolence has brought weakness to my tower and temple?"

[Zook Murnig]

"Chaim," the beast spat, clutching with one hand at its damaged eyes. "You are not Chaim, boy."

"No, I am not," said Caduceus. "But that is how you will know me, O Salamander."

Djinn screamed then, and it struck the young magician as more than sound. It was a wave of force, physical and psychic, hurling him roughly against a scorched and scorching pillar. His knife clattered across the floor of the temple as it slipped from his hand. Pressure built in his mind, hot anxiety and fear and doubt crowding his every thought out. The man slumped on the ground, curling and whimpering like a newborn babe.

"Mortal, you will be cinder and sinew ere I finish with ye!" the roaring voice snarled. "You call vile Water in my presence! You take my sight in your insolence, thinking yourself safe from my ire without it! NEVER!!! Your mewling race has no place here, demanding my assistance!"

A dry sob escaped the shivering form as phantom pains wracked his body with every word. Lightning coursed his spine, his mind on fire. He wanted to cry out for mercy, for forgiveness, but he could not draw the breath. He felt sure he was beaten.

[Zook Murnig]

The magician lay in a heap on the floor of the cabin as Gavrila and Chic watched on. Sweat poured off him, and his body writhed in seizures and spasms.

"Fight through it, boy!" Chic knelt by the heaving young man as he began to scream himself hoarse. Gavrila had taken position on his other side with a cool cloth, wiping the sweat from him as it cascaded from his every pore. This had been going on for several minutes, the convulsions growing stronger and stronger.

"Gavrila, I need you to do something." The old mage's voice was shaking. "I need you to help him through this."

"But sir-" The girl stared, panicking, at her teacher.

"My girl, you don't want him to die, do you? You can help him to break free."

"Sir, won't the creature detect my intervention? That would only endanger him more! And myself as well!"

Chic wiped his hands over his face, thinking of a way to explain. "Caduceus is a hammer. He hits hard, and he hits fast. It is what he is good at." He looked her directly in the eye. "You, however, are a screwdriver. Your talents, as you know, lie in fine and delicate work. If you show him where to hit this spell, he can shatter it himself."

"S-sir-" she started to protest once more.

"Gavrila, you are my apprentice, and you will do as I say!" The graying man took on the aspect of a wild man, anger and desperation in his eyes. "I will hold him down, and you will do what you can to help him!"

The young lady looked away, wincing, shame crossing her visage. "Yes, sir." As Chic turned the magician onto his back, holding his arms and torso down, Gavrila focused herself. Opening her eyes once more, she kneeled over Caduceus, leaning down to bring her face close to his. Warmth of embarrassment brushed her face as she kissed him, pouring a little of herself into him, searching for a weakness in the enchantment thrown over him.

Like this...

[Zook Murnig]

Like this...

Another mind joined Caduceus', instructing him in the ways to break loose from Djinn's assault, sharing in the pain and taking some of it from him so that he could act. The mage reached out tentatively, feeling at the soft spot, then gathered his strength and lashed out against it with everything he had.

Suddenly, in a flash of intense pain, the sorcery broke and Caduceus could move again. Anger flowed in, filling the void created as fear fled. White hot rage vibrated in every fiber of his being– rage at being bound, at Djinn's dismissal of his strength, at his impotence against the psychic blast. He pushed himself to his feet, leaning on the hot pillar he had struck against earlier, drawing power from it. He pulled simmering power in through every pore, calling to the Tejas, fire energies, of the South Tower. He gathered more and more power until his muscles ached with the strain and he felt as though his eyeballs would collapse outward under the pressure. His hands began to tremble with the might of it, overwhelming every nerve and synapse with pure, unfiltered heat and ferocity.

The magician braced his feet in a broad stance, drawing a five-pointed star before him with his right hand, the left holding his arm and aim steady. "YOD HEH VAV HEH TZABAOTH!!!" he roared, thrusting his palm out with all his strength into the center of the invisible pentagram, pouring the gathered energy into the blast. Where he struck the symbol, a roiling ball of flame burst forth, streaking toward the Fire King.

The fireball burst explosively as it hit the target, hurling him through the heat-lit air and half taking out a nearby pillar. His flight was unslowed, however, as he continued to hurtle, spinning, into his obsidian throne. The stone shattered, throwing up dust and debris in a thick, dark cloud.

Caduceus panted with exhaustion and, after a minute to regain his breath, shouted to his opponent, "I am Chaim, and I have come seeking the counsel of the King of Flame."

As the smoke cleared, he heard a growling voice say, "And you have proven yourself worthy of my counsel and association, Magician of Philosophus Grade. Though, I am loathe to admit it."

[Zook Murnig]

As Caduceus awoke, among his initial impressions was that of lips locked to his own. Second to this was the raw physical and emotional need he felt to latch onto that sensation, experiencing life that had nearly been snatched from him in flame and fear. His mouth moved roughly, kissing those soft lips without reservation, his hands rising to feel and hold the face before his.

And then, after a moment, they were gone.

Light stung his eyes as he blearily opened them for the first time in hours. A blurry face came into view, pale skin framed by long dark hair. It retreated, and was replaced shortly, as vision became less clouded, by a more familiar, though less pleasant, countenance. "Caduceus, can you hear me?" asked Chic, his rough voice quick and low.

Swallowing a lump of self-consciousness, the young man nodded. "I did it, Chic," he said, his throat sore with every sound above a whisper. "He contracted with me."

That drew a crooked grin from the jigsaw visage of the elder magician. "Good work, Chaim. I knew you could do it." He pulled the former-apprentice up to sit on the floor before standing aside. "We've much to do, m'boy. But that can wait for tomorrow, when you've recovered." He gestured to the young lady. "Gavrila, take care of him. Make sure he's comfortable," he instructed before hurrying off.

Silence reigned for several minutes as the pair, left alone together by the softly crackling fire, intensely avoided each others' gaze. Finally, Caduceus coughed and spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No, no. It's okay." Gavrila flushed. "It was...nice. And I don't think Master Cicero noticed, in his excitement."

"I was a little worried about that." The magician's ears felt hot. "Um...so, that was you? In my head, I mean," he stumbled, changing the subject.

"Y-yes. Master Cicero says I have a gift for the more subtle arts. He says I'm not quite cut out to be a magician." Her red cheeks grew, impossibly, redder. "But he also says I would make a fine medium, as I grow into my...abilities."

"Oh. Well, thank you. For the help, that is." He felt so foolish, sitting there in abject terror of a girl – No, he thought as he looked her over more closely, definitely a woman – several years younger than himself. "I might not have made it without you," he admitted, finally.

He wrenched a spark of courage from his gut, and made the leap. "Could I kiss you again?" he hazarded.

[Zook Murnig]

Caduceus had rested well that night, between the readings Chic had assigned him and his absolute exhaustion from the previous day's excitement. As he had begun to dress himself that morning, Gavrila had come in unexpectedly to announce her mentor's wish for his presence in the workshop. The girl had a certain talent for finding him in various states of undress, much to his chagrin. "Could you tell him I'll be there in a minute?" he asked, hastily covering himself. "I've got to get some clothes on and gather a few things."

"Of course," she answered, smiling as she turned away. She had opened up a bit more since their kiss the day before, and there was a definite note there of delight in his discomfiture. "I will tell Master Cicero that you will be ready momentarily. He is eager to begin work as soon as possible." She closed the door to the guest room and the sounds of her soft steps could be heard retreating down the hall.

As for the readings, Chic had done his research well and provided information surrounding both summoning of elementals into the body and soul of a magician, as well as the creation of various magical weapons. It became clear to Caduceus that his contract with Djinn would allow the Fire King to assist him in the finer points of the enchantments, partly with his knowledge of fire magicks, but more-so in determining how the wand would need to be customized to its user. Self-examination that would take an ordinary mage months could be gleaned by Djinn, insofar as his own element was concerned, in mere moments of communion.

The workshop, really it was more of a glorified shed, had been built separate from the cabin where the older magician lived, about twenty yards away. The place looked, as Caduceus approached, as if it were ready to fall apart, much as it had a decade ago when he had last seen it. Inside, Chic had constructed a rudimentary worktable and bench, and a vast array of tools, materials, and ingredients, both mundane and magical, had been collected and displayed for use along the walls and in strategic places throughout the workspace.

On that cedar counter the former apprentice lay the materials he had bought in Radasanth: a hollow shaft of liviol yew, a rod of magnetized steel, and a fire opal the size of his thumb. Across the table, the sunlit window behind him casting his face in slight shadow, grinned a singularly unusually looking man. "Now, are we ready to begin?"

Caduceus nodded to his former mentor and closed his eyes, following the exercises he had studied intensely the evening prior. Reaching deep inside himself, he found a spark of flame and called on the Fire King to feed that flame and join him in this plane. The fire grew stronger, spreading quickly through his entire body, finally taking alight in his mind and filling him with passion, anger, excitement. "Djinn," he intoned softly.

A single bead of sweat broke from his brow, dripping from the tip of his nose. Then, in a voice that crackled and roared like a well-fed hearth, You called, Chaim?

As the young magician opened his eyes again, his skin felt alive with fire coursing through his veins. He pulled on the neck of his robes gently. "Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?"

Spoils:

Skills: Caduceus has contracted with the Fire King, Djinn, and may now summon the elemental to share space in his body and soul temporarily once per thread. As of right now, this is limited to knowledge in the Fire King's areas of expertise and advice. Further powers resulting from these short-lived bindings will be expounded at the next level update.

Items: Caduceus has, with the assistance of his former mentor Chic Cicero, and under the instruction of Djinn, crafted a wand of fire made from components purchased previously in the Bazaar (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=9598). The wand allows Caduceus to channel fire magic to greater effect, creating continuous short-range gouts of flame rather than his usual fired blasts. These flamethrower-like effects are limited in power according to the power level of his fireballs.

NPCs: Caduceus has made the acquaintance of one Gavrila Endora, a young lady with particular talents in the areas of psychic magic and related skills. Until next level update, she will be relegated entirely to a supporting role in storyline, and will never be used in a thread or battle without consent of all participating players.

[Saxon]

STORY

Continuity - 7/10 - From the start of this thread, you hit the ground running. Though it was a rather jarring start, I found myself enjoying this thread long before it was over. I liked how you tied this story into a sort of present-meets-past kind of thread, where you started off with the beginning of the battle first and allowed me to slowly understand what exactly what was going on in due time. It was a great exercise in controlling the focus of the reader, and while I'd like to certainly learn more about the Qabal after reading this, you gave me enough to whet my appetite. Great job.

Setting - 8/10 - Surprisingly, you were very concise with what you did with your setting and although a little lean at times, it gave me just enough to start making up the details as you continued to tell the story. I've always really liked the mantra "Write more with less" and I can see that you really applied it here. There wasn't enough details to make me choke on, but there was enough to leave me hungry and to let my mind fill the gaps.

Pacing - 9/10 - This thread went by fast. I think I managed to read all of it in 40 minutes, and I often had to pause and re-read some things for my own understanding and to focus my attention. You certainly didn't lose your place when writing this and definitely set off with a purpose from the beginning. While, again, this thread was a lot more lean in length then what I'm accustomed to, it more then made up for in it's power and substance. You definitely made use of the momentum you built up along the thread, and I found myself hungry to learn more about Cadaceus by the end of this thread. If anything, I will certainly be reading more of your work in the future.

CHARACTER

Dialogue - 8/10 - The dialogue in this thread wasn't bad, and it wasn't fantastic either. But, it hit it's mark. I couldn't find anything that I would've really said differently if I had switched places with you when writing this, so you're not at a loss for points there. What I did subtract points for was repetition of dialogue. The first time you did it with the repeating of the Fire King's first line in the thread was good. I liked that because it gave me a place to remember where this fight began and to tie both the events in the past and the fight in the present together.

However, when you mirrored Like this... over two posts, I felt that to be stepping over the line a bit. A lot of judges swear that this is a technique that is as bad as plagarism or breaking the fourth wall. I disagree, because if used sparingly like the first time you did it, it adds a profound effect to the thread. The second time you did it was overusing it for effect. See the difference?

Action - 7/10 - The action in this thread was fast, tight and fun to read. I'm often on the side against magic users because I like that sort of Conanesque might in a fight, but I found myself rooting for Caduceus as he fought the Fire King. There certainly is a lot more depth you could've utilized for action, but with a short thread like this I'm not going to bulldog you points for the sake of length alone. Good job.

Persona - 8/10 - I found all the characters coming to life within a relatively short time. You certainly have a gift with using as little words as possible to bring a scene to life, which is certainly something I've never been able to do. Each of these characters had a mind of their own and seemed to play right into the roles you might expect for a situation like this, if there ever is one like this. Overall, I think I enjoyed Caduceus the most in this thread, and while I'm not sure where your character's timeline this quest is, the trials and fight with the Fire King certainly made a lasting impression on him that will probably follow him for the rest of his life.

WRITING STYLE

Mechanics - 9/10 - I saw few errors here, and with such a short length with most of these posts, I don't expect that this was very hard to proofread. Even so, it looks like it's been cleaned up which says volumes to me. Then again, I can't check hebrew for spelling since I can't read it, so I'll let that be on you to watch over. For the reasons above, I gave you a 9.

Technique - 8/10 - There was a lot in this thread that could classify as your own personal style. From the meshing of posts between past and present events, the struggle to be concise with such short posts and great descriptions with your characters and setting, I found myself with little to complain about in your overall work. You definitely found your voice somewhere along the line here, and I think with more work you could make it even better.

Clarity - 10/10 - This thread was short, sweet, and to the point. To give you anything less than a 10 on this area of the score, I'd be lying to you. Clear as a bell.

Wild Card - 3/10 - "Shalom, motherfucker." - The Hebrew Hammer

TOTAL: 77/100

You gain 2146 EXP and 2 GP!

I've approved your spoils in exchange for 98% of your GP awarded to you in these spoils. Finances are a bitch.

[Taskmienster]

2 gold... hahaha. All of it's added. Enjoy your 2 gold, you can buy maybe a piece of bubblegum from the local shop. :p