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View Full Version : How Not To Use Metaphors


Golem Girl
12-11-09, 02:32 PM
No further explanation is needed. (http://vandonovan.livejournal.com/1088311.html)

Who knew that the gibbous moon had a scent?
Majik Sordman
12-11-09, 04:16 PM
Seems like he just tried to throw every single metaphor that he could think of into the mix, even when describing one item, and also even if the comparison was extremely ambiguous if correct at all. Antique armor for eyes...? Dayum. [Shrugs his steam-covered window shoulders then proceeds to scratch his pomegranate pubes. They itch sometimes.]

Reading this made me chuckle. Thank you very much.
Dissinger
12-11-09, 04:21 PM
Certainly ranks up there with the Harry Potter fan fic My Immortal...

The difference being that the harry potter fan fic is in fact a fan fic...
Revenant
12-11-09, 04:23 PM
Cut the guy some slack. He was obviously just trying to paint the most vivid picture that he could with his words.

And that picture was apparently of ... an abomination.
Arsène
12-11-09, 04:24 PM
Man that was hot.
Dissinger
12-11-09, 04:40 PM
Cut the guy some slack. He was obviously just trying to paint the most vivid picture that he could with his words.

And that picture was apparently of ... an abomination.

An abomination he apparently rapes if the post could be believed.
Revenant
12-11-09, 04:41 PM
The character couldn't rape it any worse than the author already had.
Inkfinger
12-11-09, 10:20 PM
Certainly ranks up there with the Harry Potter fan fic My Immortal...

The difference being that the harry potter fan fic is in fact a fan fic...

The author uses "snow" twice in two sentences. Therefor, I vote it's worse on principle alone.

ETA: Had not read far enough when I first posted, but...Spikenard? Seriously?

ETA 2.0: It goes on! "Bottles of wine, covered with dew, and otters."

THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE LINE ANYWHERE.
Golem Girl
12-11-09, 11:09 PM
Oh My Immortal, that fanfic is an abomination against the English language itself.

This is significantly shorter, but I think it's just as bad in an entirely different way.

IDEA: William Shatner reading this. Imagine it.

I hope your mind is now blown.
Slavegirl
12-11-09, 11:40 PM
Captain Kirk is climbing a mountain - why is he climbing a mountain?
The Divide
01-18-10, 12:22 PM
"Her pubes was a field of wheat after a harvest...a field neatly furrowed, it was a nest, a pomegranite, an arrowhead, a rune..."

"She had the sex of rain forests..."

I think someone better get this chick checked out at the clinic if you ask me. Sounds like she's got a dose.


Captain Kirk is climbing a mountain - why is he climbing a mountain?

He's Captain Kirk. Why not?

Sorry, I just saw this. According to the description in that book, someone has drawn a likeness of said princess wheat-pubes.

Epic Win (http://vandonovan.livejournal.com/1088311.html?thread=11352887#t11352887)