from the beginning

[Haro Hailblade]

A smokey tavern on the cold night, a place of refuge for the weary wanderer.

Haro Hailblade found himself in a small tavern miles from home. Haro moved to the bar and ordered a drink. Haro reached back and rubbed the seal on his shoulders and back. It kept tingling even when he didn't try to release it.

He took a drink of his ale, and as he put the mug to his lips Haro felt something moving around in his tunic. Haro put down his mug and opened the top of his shirt to see what it was. A white wisp floated out.

"Hey Haro." said the small spirit "it was kind of boring waiting in there."

"Nerrit, you can't go flying around in here, thats the whole reason why I left you in there." said Haro. "Well, I guess you could get some thing to eat, but your waiting till we get to the room before you can go flying around like crazy."

"Thank you Haro!!" Nerrit set himself on to Haro's shoulder and waited as he drank his ale. Haro waved over to the bar tender to order food and a nother keg.

[Ivory Evil]

Hopefully this is open

I had never been to Underwood and didn't plan on staying for to long. This was my first uncharted stop on my path to Radasanth, so I figured I was making great time. The image of a good meal combined with the fact that I hadn't eaten for days triggered a rumble from deep within though. Not to mention I felt as if the patrolmen that roamed the cobbled streets of Underwood had already recognized me. To much unwanted attention didn't sound appealing to me, so I ducked into the first tavern in sight.

'The Peaceful Promenade' the sign read. Honestly it sounded kind of weak to me, but given the current circumstances I didn't really take it's name into consideration and entered anyway. With a show of force I pushed the creaky oak doors open and almost immediatly I was struck was the various typical smells that usually filled bars. The place was packed and if the guards had recognized me it would be easy to blend in here.

The room itself was very plain but the crowd that I was now surrounded by wasn't. I quickly found a seat on a barside stool and patiently waited for the barkeep to look my way. He wasn't your average joe though, not at all. His porky bald head was the canvas for a droopy wrinkled face. Face only a mother could love, I thought and couldn't help but to smile at the mans expense.

A bead of sweat trickled down the groove of my spine as I finally caught the fat mans attention. Only to have my order intercepted by the impatient man to the left of me. The guy was smaller than me and had a ghostly apparation floating around him. He could communicate with it which was kind of freaking me out.

"Hey man what the hell is that thing?" I questioned, motioning to the hovering white wisp.

[Haro Hailblade]

"what me? Well I'm human, or so I've been told. But this is a fire wisp." answered Haro, both concered and entertained at the mans response to Nerrit.

its cool with me, the more the marryer

The bartender gave him his order and the soup for Nerrit. The tiny fire wisp exitedly floated to the edge of the soup bowl and started gulping down his meal. "Not so fast Nerrit, you'll get the hickups." Said Haro. "Oh by the way, I'm Haro. Nice to meet you." Haro held out his hand to the stranger.

He didn't seam too bad, a little shady maybe, but nice enough.

[BattleMage]

The bar was typical. Typical women, typical men, just plain typical. I was starting to get used to it though, truth be told it was growing on me. I slid the mug in front of me across the heavy oak bar top. This place was right out of a wine tasting magazine, the fruity guy with a pet spirit and the guy who was way to over dressed for a bar. Was I in a gay bar?

"Bartender why don't you make yourself useful and fill this up." I dribbled belligerency as I spoke and it was obvious that I was wearing out my welcome. "Oh and by the way, you know your running a gay bar here?"

I shifted and rocked in my stool. As the bartender approached I burped, right in his face. It wasn't your regular burp either, the smell was compiled of vomit and whore spit. I could see the bartender's eyes roll and a tear roll down his face. He was on the verge of passing out. I just kept blowing my rank breath in his face.

"Sir... erm..." He was completely stunned, "please sir, you're beginning to offend the other patrons."

"Well maybe if I had something to occupy my mouth, I wouldn't open it so much!" I shouted and slammed my angry fists on the counter. If I hadn't made a big enough scene before, I was well on my way now. "Now hurry and fill that."

I tossed the young bartender a gold piece and picked my mug from the counter. Maybe I had been a little rude, but I was drunk and this guy was testing my patience.

[Haro Hailblade]

Haro watched the drunkered and bartender and decided that the man with the ill manner was out of place. "Hey, friend, take a seat and stick to your drink. A drunks got no place running his mouth unless he's got something to back it up." perhaps that was a bit much, but Haro had a couple of ales and his tollerance for anything was shortened. "Here, I'll pay for the mans next few drinks. just to keep him from bursting out."

Haro took his seat and looked to the man on his other side. "So what did you say your busness was?" Haro inqired in an exasperated tone. "I'm here for a stop, I need to find a teacher who can help train me. How about you?"

Nerrit finished his bowl and started tapping Haro. "Hey, can I see that?"whispered Nerrit. Haro took out his charm and handed it to Nerrit. the little wisp started playing with it and listening to the tones it made.

[Ivory Evil]

Great a drunk. Just what I was hoping to run into tonight, a damn drunk. I scanned the bar checking out what exactly I would use as a weapon in case things got sour. I'm sure it wouldn't have to get to that point, for this guys sake I hoped it didn't.

The guy next to me, Haro, was trying to buddy up with the drunk either. He quickly lashed out to his rants but ended up offering to buy him a few rounds of liquor. Then he turned to address me again, his spirit tinkering with something endlessly.

"I didn't say what my business was but I wouldn't mind taking you up on that offer." I lifted my katana and slid it on the counter. "My name is Van and my business is killing."

I pierced the gold eyes of the young timid man at the bar. I did need to brush up on my swordsmanship so this offer didn't seem like to bad of an idea. Hell maybe we could even recruit the drunk mage too, never can get enough sparring partners.

[Haro Hailblade]

Haro had a small smile that spoke of his enthusiasm at training with Van. "Thats a good job to have. And a good job to learn from." Haro took another drink from his tankard and finished the last of his bread. "I do believe that it would be beneficial for us to have a friendly mach every now and then." Haro turned around and faced the drunkard. "and maybe have a mage along, how about it?"

The assasin and the mage seamed both to be of fair skill, well the assasin, and Haro needed all the challenge he could get. "Just out of curiosity, do are you busy with a mission right now Van?"

[BattleMage]

Haro reeked of desperation, hell he was practically sweating it. He was obviously a thrill seeker of sorts, but he didn't quite strike me as anything special. Just another meat head with a sword. Anyone could heave a sword through the air, but real heroes used magic.

"Thrill seeker huh?!" I rubbed my right hand he thicket of stubble and continued. "Well I know of something real big poppin' off in Concordia. I guess a big weapon shipment between some guys called the Order of the Golden Leaf and a local rebellion group. I intend on stealing these weapons."

In a shady manner I paused and scanned the bar. Luckily I had no unwanted listeners so I continued. "I guess these Golden Leaf guys are high rollers though. I don't know much about them but I know their not good people. From what I have heard though this isn't going to be a one man operation and the two of you would do perfect. So what do you think guys?"

I hardly knew these guys and from what I know about the Golden Leaf, just uttering their name is bad. I knew it wasn't the best idea to share my plans with two complete strangers either, but I doubted either of them being affiliated with the Order.

"Not that there's a need for names, but mines Derrick... Derrick Magnum."

[Haro Hailblade]

A raid on weapons on a weapon's cache seemed like a rather reckless thing to do. It also didn't help that the man was a drunk and the ale could be talking. But some how Haro didn't think that he was lying. And besides, Haro had more time before he needed to get to his destination. so a quest or two on the side was no problem.

"OK, sounds good to me, I'm in. I just want one thing, a good share in the weapons we take." Haro wasn't sure what to expect, but he was up for anything that challenged his skill.

Nerrit was playing with the orb charm, listening to the tones that the spherical cage made. "Hey, careful not to make certian tones on that, you remember what happened last time right?"

"Yes Haro, I promiss not to play those tones." Nerrit floated to the top of Haro's head and ploped down on his thick hair.

"There is some one I must see, the master who I talked about. I have time for quests before that time, but I am afraid that I won't be able to do many with you." Haro said. He felt like he should tell them, so when they must part ways they will be more understanding.

[ranzkiedoodles]

Arcadia reached the tavern late at night, a sample of the blood vine in her pack. She felt like she deserved a drink for all the hard work she did that day, gathering samples from the red forest. Pulling up the hood of her cloak, Arcadia slipped inside the bar, her sharp eyes watching it's inhabitants from under her hood. Her eyes immediately went to an elf, but he seemed preoccupied.

Maybe it's not such a good idea for me to celebrate tonight... Arcadia thought, but then, she felt like she deserved it. Taking a seat at the other end of the bar, she ordered a mug of ale, wishing they served elven wine--the thing she missed most from home, but she knew elves could be quite possessive about all things elven, and would not sell their wine anywhere.

Heck, if they sold Elven bows alone, they could buy the land.. Arcadia thought, shaking her head as the bartender peered down at her, trying to see what was hidden under her hood.

" I'd break your nose if I knew it would make you uglier, but somehow, I feel that you've reached the pinnacle of ugliness," Arcadia told the bartender, her voice husky, lowering her hood even further down so that all the bartender could see were her lips. Quickly, the bartender withdrew himself with a scowl and proceeded with getting her ale.

Humans.... Arcadia thought as she tapped the bar's wooden finish lightly, waiting for her drink.

[Hysteria]

Talen Shadowalker has been sitting in the back of the tavern for quite a while. The rancid odour of spilt beer and dried vomit had long ago become part of the backdrop for the dark wanderer. He was clad in is usual black attire as he tried to sit on the hard seat with his best nonchalant pose. His blue eyes had darted around the room of drunks and thieves, but had settled on the antics of four people in particular. It was the glowing ‘pet’ for lack of a better word, of one of the men that drew Talen’s attention. At first he thought he might be a conjurer like him, but dismissed it when he realised the creature was sentient.

They seemed to be hatching a plan to attack a weapons shipment. Talen was not normally one who engage in an act of violence without some sort of provocation. However, he had heard of the weapons shipment before, and it seemed that it might be a good test of his skills. An old friend had told him that in order to keep his skills improving he needed to test himself. Those weapons could also give him some nice coin to line his purse, the business of shadow puppetry had not been as good as of late. Talen stood up and walked over to the person who seemed to be in charge. His eyes glanced to the katana on the bench, similar, albeit slightly more ornate than his own.

“Haro is it? Maybe you should keep your voice down a bit when discussing things of this nature. My name is Talen, and perhaps I could get a share of this?” Talen’s lowered voice was directed at Haro, his words an attempt to impress.

[Haro Hailblade]

"Point taken sir, Ill remember that." Haro felt slightly foolish for not thinking about his suroundings. "So you would like a piece of the action huh? Well I don't see whats wrong with that. After all the more the marryer." Haro Thaught about what it would take to execute the opperation. Multiple men, lots of weapons, and even worse. They were an organization that he knew nothing about. If Haro wanted to be smart about this, he would need as many allies as he could get.

Even if he was a winged. Hey would rather fight with his wings sealed than let the secreat of his race escape to the public.
But then why? Why did he need to hide? Haro thaught about it and decided that it would be better to not worry them or others about his race.

"So its decided, we strike when they get the shippment and take out their men. An organization like this may see this as a personal assult, but we can handle it. Just remember, any help you can get is welcome." Haro ordered a round of pints. "Now we just need to get ready."

If any body has anything to add, go ahead, but we should head to the market place and get equipment so that we are ready. Battle mage will start the next forum and lead the events, see you latter ;)

[Ivory Evil]

((This is my last post, I am Battlemage so I will write one out with him and start our new thread. I suggest anyone who decides to join us on our quest, post one more post in here. Van sadly will not be joining us on our next quest.))

The elegant voice of a woman passed through the air. It was quite soothing to my ears, so I decided I would try to find it's source. A few seats down was a hooded figure who I established the sound had rooted from. As I leaned closer to grab her attention I caught a faint smell, one that was all too familiar to me. She was an elf, damnit. Not that I was racist, but one thing I didn't do was court elves. Way too clingy!

While the idea of a raid sounded great to me, I couldn't quite see my self feeling all too comfortable following these guys into a possible battle. The elf babbled drunkly filling the bar side with his banter. Haro seemed pleasant enough, but I was starting to get the feeling he was a bit too nice. Another gentleman joined the party, but by that point my mug was empty and I had lost interest in the whole scenario.

"Well guys it's been great..." I paused to slam a few gold pieces on the counter, "but I gotta get going, sorry I'm missing out on all the action." I shot Haro a hasty smile and stood from my stool. The guy wasn't that bad once I took into consideration his boyish mentality.

Leaving the bar I was overtook by the harsh wind. It tugged at my jacket hinting a summer monsoon was on its way. I had a long way to go till Radasanth and the South Road wasn't quite my choice of a place to get stuck in a storm. Hell anywhere in Concordia for that matter. I picked my pace up too a slow jog, that progressed to a speedy sprint.

Good luck Haro.

[BattleMage]

Thankfully I found a couple companions to join me, but my attention was more on the newest figure at the bar. He voice seemed rattled and bitter, with a hint of ancient smarts that I would expect only from an elf. I slammed my mug down hoping the noise of its collision would knock me out of my current drunken state. Nope, didn't work. Next I tried slapping myself a few times, but only succeeded in leaving a blushed hand mark across my cheek. It was all useless, so I went in anyway. I figured it would be alright since I wasn't quite to my limit yet.

"Hey there miss pleasant, could we maybe interest you in our current quest. It would be great to have an elf join along, you see I too am an elf..." I was beginning to run on, luckily I was distracted by another voice from an unknown patron.

I turned to face pale man who, like me, had a faint presence of magic illuminating from his aura. He wanted to join us and he looked far too weak to be a member of the Golden Leaf, which basically employed many of Althanas' biggest hard asses. "Yeah you can join us man. These guys aren't your regular Joe's, actually it's rumored that they're pretty bad ass. So like Haro added we will be needed some supplies."

I shifted in my seat coming inches from leaving it face first into the counter top. "Actually I was thinking there isn't much time so we better get going."

I stood from my seat and suddenly the liquor caught up to me, causing the room to spin around me. Stumbling I braced myself on Haro's shoulder and addressed the cloaked elf once more, "So little lady you gonna take me up on that offer, or is our crew sticking strictly uni-sex?!"

I'll post one more time to end the thread, or someone else can feel free to bunny me to close it.

Either way my requested spoils are as follows:
-The removal of 50 gold pieces due to the numerous rounds at the bar.

[Hysteria]

Talen's blue eyes shifted to the drunk as he addressed him. Though his words betrayed a muddled mind, he seemed to convey the danger of situation fairly well. The Shadow Puppeteer felt a tinge of fear, but pushed it aside.

"Yeah you can join us man. These guys aren't your regular Joe's, actually it's rumored that they're pretty bad ass. So like Haro added we will be needed some supplies."

"You're right. I might need to get some things to." Talen said looking towards the door. "I will see you all then."

Talen walked from the tavern, somewhat giddy from the encounter. It struck all the theatrical ques; strangers meeting in a tavern and planning a daring raid on a weapons shipment. The situation to a more experienced thief would have stunk of either a trap or impending failure, but Talen was impervious to this thought process. He still had a lot to learn, and probably just as importantly a moral line he had yet to draw in the sand. It would be interesting to see what would happen should he actually come to kill someone.

Can I get +1 to my sexyness? Otherwise just Exp I suppose.

[Haro Hailblade]

Haro grabbed the drunk and Helped him to his feet. "my friend I think I bought you too many drinks after you bought your self too many. Miss, if you would like to join you may. After all you already heard the plan so you might as well join." Haro motioned for Nerrit to follow and started out the door. "Don't forget, we will meet at the local in and rent a few rooms." Haro stumbled out the bar with the drunk, hoping that he would keep his dinner in his stomack.

My only request is xp and the loss of 25 gold pecies, but I also would like the strange tones made by my charm to be added as a random impliment that grows with my character. In all honesty I don't know what it will do but I'll let the grader decide untill I think of some thing. And a quick note to every one else, I'll submit for judging in about one day, if you got any thing else to say, say it now. Although there sould be only one person to post last, and thats ranzkiedoodles.

[Taskmienster]

from the beginning: I was asked to go ahead and grab this since I’m on a judging spree as of late. As such, I’m going to be looking over it for you guy’s and commenting here and there on what you could work on for the future. On average, threads like these are normally missing some things here and there simply because it’s nothing more than character interaction. However, there is the possibility of putting a lot of work into a Promenade thread, and it’s a great way to get used to writing with others, know what a rubric is like and how it works, and start your writing career on Althanas.

Don’t be discouraged by the score, or the commentary, it’s not meant as anything other than an initial score for a group of newer players to the site meant to help you out in the long run. The comments are going to be lumped all together instead of by person, and the score reflects all of you together.



Continuity 3

:: Remember that the reader needs to know about your characters, who you are, where you came from, what your intentions are now, and what the purpose of the thread is. Sometimes you might not know what your intentions with the thread are before you start it, but by the end you have an idea and you can work towards completing that goal. Work in some history, but make sure that you remember that a thread is about accomplishing something and making sure that the reader knows what is going on.

Setting 3

:: The setting isn’t just the surrounding and how you see them, but a little bit of everything. Setting creates your surroundings by giving them life, through words. There are more senses then just sight, and the other four senses are just as important to creating a world that the reader can put themselves into. Give it some life, and it will be a lot better in the long run.

Pacing 4

:: How quick, or how slow your pacing is dictates how the people reading follow it. If it’s too fast, then they’re going to get confused or lost, and they won’t know why you are jumping from one part of the story to the next so quickly. However, if you write too much or go too slow you’re not going to keep the reader’s attention. The best pacing is the kind that keeps a reader on the edge of their seat, wanting to know what comes next and following along without having to pause for anything. That doesn’t mean you need a whole lot of action, fighting, or arguing. Action can be anything from the way your character reacts to something, or what they do in their environment… stuff like that.

Dialogue 4

:: You don’t have to repeat something that someone just typed in a previous post before you can respond to it. All your doing when you do that is making the reader go over dialogue they just read again. You can mention it without having to quote it, and respond from there. Also, there are little things about dialogue that you can add that doesn’t even involve the actual spoken word, like types of saying things. Instead of responding with “he said” you can change the word said to “responded” or “retorted” or “scoffed”. Anything to add a little flair with how they speak also adds a little to what the characters personality is like.

Action 3

:: I said what I wanted to say about action in the Pacing section. It doesn’t mean fighting only, there are a lot of other ways to incorporate action into the thread.

Persona 3

:: The personality of your character isn’t just what you do, but what you think, what you say, how you say it, and things like that. You can show personality by what I said at the end of the Dialogue section, by adding something other than “said” after you say something. You can also show personality when you act, and how you act. Or with internal dialogue. Or even with thing as simple as expressions on your face.

Technique 2

:: Advanced techniques are things like metaphors, similes, and other things like that. You don’t have to force them in there, but using them with other parts of your writing like the Setting makes them a little easier to fit in.

Mechanics 2

:: Word of advice, the biggest thing that will help your writing is proofreading and a spell-check. Use word, or any other type of spell checker that you might be able to find online, and the writing with be both much clearer and much more fluid.

Clarity 2

:: Clarity is most impacted by pacing as well as mechanics. The more small mistakes you have, in any section, and the less clear it’s going to be.

Wild Card 5

Welcome to the site! I’m glad so many of the newer people were all in a single thread and put up some effort. I’m also excited that you’re all bringing activity, and you’re working with your writing. If you need any assistance with your writing or have questions feel free to PM me and I’ll help you as much as I can. Good luck with future threads!


Score: 28


Rewards:

Haro :: 140 exp | 35 gold

Ivory Evil :: 115 exp | 40 gold

BattleMage :: 115 exp | 0 gold

Hysteria :: 95 exp | 25 gold

Ranzkiedoodles :: 45 exp | 0 gold

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP is all added!