A pen to precious to leave

[Haro Hailblade]

Here he was, seven days from the meeting. He needed to get certian supplies, but they would not be easy to get. He needed scription tools. and there wasn't any place on althanas that could give him them. He needed to go to the earth bound city near Scara Brea.

"You know it will take too long Haro." Said Nerrit. He floated infront of Haro as he walked twards the outskirts of town. His pack bouncing like his nearly empty wallet.

"I understand, but this is something that I must do. From the sounds of it, we will need all that we can. Just the ivory pen will be enough. and even that will be hard to get." Haro said. And it would be verry hard with what little time he had.

Haro took a left turn off of the path when he was far enough from the city so he could get some privacy. It took longer than he thought. When he left , it was still early. The sun was already high in the sky and on its way down. It was his own fault, He should not have gone to fight with the last companion he gathered. Haro rubbed his sore arm that was wrapped with a bandage. It still wasn't quite healed compleatly. Haro used all the skill he had to get it into the best condition he could for traveling, but Haro still had a lot to learn.

Even worse was the fact that his winged powers were sealed and he had not gained enough energy for breaking the seal. Haro Hailblade was a winged with sealed wings. He also had his powers sealed away with his six wings. The winged could not risk being revieled, and Haro only trusted one person with the secret.

Haro walked through the brush and found a band of burly warriors with black hair and a single woman in the middle of them looking helpless in the middle of them.

Haro could feel his anger rising, he could feel the wrath of a winged. He took out a sheat of parchment and his pen. He wrote like a mad man on the page, placing several words on the page. He tosed it with the words facing the closest two men and thrust his hand to the page, releasing his energy into the scription. The men got closer and started demanding her perse. The words on the page glowed brightly and a ball of fire launched, hitting the man sqare in the back. The man fell forward on his face and, dropping his sword. Haro drew his Wnged Dawn and lept at th next closest man.

He fought the men back into a circle "Stay back! Keep away from her!" Haro shouted. The men stood there laughing.

"What can a small book worm like you do against us?" Said the big burly man that Haro knocked down earlyer. His harsh laugh anoyed Haro to no end.

"lets find out." Haro replyed. He jumped after the big man and clashed blades. Haro took one hand off of his weapon and concentrated his energy into it. With all his strenth Haro threw his fist into the stomac of the brut. The man doubled over in pain as Haro backed up. suddenly Haro felt a hand slap him in the back of the head.

"How dare you harm my tenants." Said the young woman, she was finely dressed and was holding an old pouch in her hands. "you lay another hand on them and I will do everything in my power to have you hung." the girl fumed as she continued to strike Haro.

"Miss Heather, you mustn't, i will be fine. It is nothing." said the large man. "After all, your father will be mad if he finds out you have been off of the grounds with his money."

Haro suddenly felt very foolish and started to leave. "I apologize for hurting you. I was under the impression that you were mugging her."

"It is quite alright." said the man as he got up off of the floor. "It is what a good person would do."

Haro started walking away from the group when an arrow passed his head and thumped into one of the tenants. Haro looked over and saw a large band of dirty scraggly men with bows and sword.

"I'll get half, you can get the other half." Finally, something for Haro to blow some steam on. He drew his sword again and sprinted through the trees, using the woods for cover from the arrows. He met the first man with the tip of his sword. The man stumbled back as he parried. The charm that belonged to Haro's father rang as the blades clashed. Haro spun with the parry and brought the edge of his blade to the side of the mans head. and again he blocked. Haro struck the sword aside and put the tip of Winged Dawn through his chest. Haro ran to meet the next bandit that attacked and cut his bow in half. He swung again slicing the mans thighs and stabbing his back. There were five left and Lady Heather's tenants were starting to hog them all. Haro charged after the closest one and sliced through him like a hot knife through butter. The charm on the blade started playing a different note. The wind picked up and as Haro faced the last man the charm played its own song. Haro stop for the briefest moment as he recognized the song. The raised the weapon to defend himself.

Haro blocked, twisted into the man and swung his sword strait across his mid section.

Haro turned to leave, remembering what he had to do.

"wait," said the burly tenant. "Pleas take this for you help protecting lady heather." He handed Haro a good sized purse.

"I couldn't take this, I wouldn't feel right." Haro replyed

"Please I insist. Its the least we can do for you help."

Haro sighed heavily, the man would not take no for an answer. "Alright. I accept it. Thank you, and sorry about your back."

"Its nothing. And don't worry about what happened, nobody can say anything about it anyways or else there will be hell to pay."

Haro gave a slight half smile. "indeed there would be. fair well friend, maybe we will meet again." And Haro continued on till he got a good distance from the lady's traveling group.

"Finally, some privacy."
"Come on Haro! Lets fly!" Cried Nerrit.

Haro took of his shirt and shoved it into his pack. He concentrated his energy to the tribal shadow tattoos that ran from his back to his front and down his shoulders. The tattoos started to glow and erasing. As the last of the seal disappeared, Haro leapt into the air, taking flight on feathered wings that unfolded to carry Haro swiftly towards his destination.

[Haro Hailblade]

Haro Awoke the next morning, sore and tired. But he was recovering from his wounds much faster than he anticipated. The dart wound already had a scab over it and closing quickly. Haro placed Nerrit, his traveling companion into his pack on his shirt. Haro used bandages to re-wrape the hole in his arm and around his seal, so that he might travel without questions of his "tattoos".

Haro had covered six miles with his wings, and another two before he had passed out. He spent too much time with the fight before. It was rather embarissing, but at least Haro gain a good coin for it. It was rather kind of the man to give it to him, but unnecisary. Haro preffered to earn his wages and not to recieve them as a gift. still it was nice to get a good fifty gill.

Haro started off at a good pace, he couldn't use his wings again to day because it took to much out of him yesterday. He would have to allow the energy rebuild or replenish it some with some sort of potion, and those didn't simply grow on trees.

The hike brought him to a mountain pass that was rocky and Haro to cross. Great, Smart one Haro, that will add another hour of traveling, which means less sleep. Haro shouldered the pack and kicked out his feet.

Nerrit, who had been sleeping in the pack, woke with the sudden shake of the pack. "?" Nerrit looked around the pack for some food and found the berries that Haro picked for him. He ate some of the berries, consuming the in the little flames that made up his being. Then he grabbed a chunk of bread and brought it out with him to Haro.
"Hey Haro!" Chimed Nerrit. "Got a snack!"

"Thanks, I was just feeling hungary." Haro took the piece of bread and ate it as he hiked through the rough and stony trail.

"How much farther do we have to go?" Asked Nerrit.

"Too much to stop for a few hours."


As the two traveled, a pair of vile green eyes leered at the young man with a lust for blood. "This is the one you say? The one that kept you from kidnapping the lady?" The voice was silky and soft with an unimaginable hardness to it.

"Yes sir, please forgive me Luscious." quibbled the only man that had run from the counter attack, and the blade of the Winged Dawn.

"I want blood." The mans eyes widened and he toppled to the ground gasping for air and laying in a warm red puddle. The last thing he saw was a pair of boots walking out of view.

"I will have my pay, weather it be in gold or blood. And there is only one who's blood can make the payment."

Haro came to cut valley where the walls were narrow and there were only two ways through. The entrance and exit.
Haro rucked toward the other side of the cut and was near the end when three men stepped to block the entrance, lances lowered, grins all over their faces.

Haro turned around and was heading to the other side when three more men blocked that entrance.

Haro faced the men in the direction he originally faced. He pulled a pen and parchment. He tore the parchment into quarters and wrote on them. "Gentlemen, this is my first and last warning, move or be moved."

The three men on both sides laughed at Haro and lowered their lances, planting the buts into the ground. Haro sighed. It had to be the hard way.

He threw three of the four pieces of paper into the air and struck their chests as the fell. The parchments exploded with small fire balls that shot through the air like little arrows. They struck the men in the chest, igniting on their clothing and pushing them back a foot or two. Haro charged and with the last piece struck the ground bellow the men with a ball of ice. The ground froze and Haro slid under them.

Haro sprinted a good distance before turning to face the men again. "No mercy for the foolish." said a velvet voice.
Haro spun and fell backwards into a roll onto his feet, just barely missing the edge of the blade. When Haro go to his feet he faced the wielder of the jagged black sword. "You are fairly good. I thought my men were just being weaklings when they said that a kid stopped them."

"I didn't know any of them escaped?"
"He escaped you, but did not survive me." The man took a step forward raising his cruel black blade in his tan colored hands. His black hair cut shoulder length draped down over his sharp face.

"why must everyone be difficult." Haro drew his sword and swung firs at the shrouded opponent. The swords wrung with the clash of steel against steel. The charm came to life with a tune of its own. As Haro fought he swung and parried to the tune that played through the cage like tuning fork charm. As Haro swung it through the air the notes changed with the air passing through it, and wrung yet anew with each strike.

Haro fought to keep the black haired man a good distance away. The dance of blades was played well. But Haro knew that he must leave soon. The black haired man was simply toying with him and Haro knew that he stood a poor chance of winning.

Haro swung viciously to get the man on the defensive and turned to run. Haro was not aseptically fast, but he was fast enough to escape the duel. They would fight another day.

Haro weaved his way between the trees, often taking turns into small clumps of trees and looking to see if any one was following. Haro waited for atleast an hour till he started walking again.

Nerrit, who was hiding in his shirt floated out. "Haro, are you ok?" He squeeked with concern. "That was a nasty fight. And who were those guys anyways?"

"I think that they were the bandits that had attacked the lady that we saved." Haro labored to catch his breath as he hiked along the trail. "At least we are half way there. Soon we can head back, and join the group."

[Haro Hailblade]

Haro trudged through the snow and the rough wind. He shielded Nerrit in his shirt. The little flame sprite was warm and made it so he did not need a coat. The band of thieves had stopped following him, probably presuming him dead.

He marched on for ten feet before hitting a wall. He had made it, The earth bound city of the winged, Snow Reach. Haro felt around for the door. He found the handle to a stone door. The towering gateway slowly swung inward with a groan. Haro walked inside. The same groan resondated inside the chamber as the doors closed behind him. The tourches lit, bringing light to the dark chamber and iluminating the whole of the interior.

The empty halls echoed with Haro's steps. Th sealing was well over five times his hight and the pillars two men thick. He walked toward a tiny doorway with a gold frame.

The room it lead to was a room full of traps. several hundreds of blades and arrows awaited any who were unsuspecting. He looked carefully around the entrance for any sign of traps. A few of the stones on the floor were too loose, and some of the walls were missing stone, or had tiny doors. Haro examined the door frame, just out of curiosity, and found writing in ancient scription. Haro copied down the words and stored them in his book of slowly growing scriptions. He decided that he would decipher them latter. Haro stepped lightly on the stones that made up the floor. The traveling was easy, and Haro could get through without a problem. He went through the other door way and left the trap room behind.

The hall way Haro had entered was twisted. The floor went from horizontal to vertical. It was a cork screw. Even more twisted is the fact that he could actually walk to the other side and stay on the carpeted floor. The whole building was made with scription, and the normal rules of the world did not quite apply the same way. Haro new enough about scription to understand the rules, but not enough to bend or break them.

The long halls and trap rooms seemed endless. And all the time, Haro felt eyes on him. Eyes that were not friendly.

Haro came to a room with walls covered in scription and in the center was the ivory pen. "This was too easy, Nerrit, do you mind standing guard."

"I don't mind," Nerrit replied. He floated at the top of the door frame.

Haro took cautious steps to the Ivory pen. The Ivory Pen was the an invaluable tool just like every other pen that a scripter used. But unlike most, it was able to scribe on anything. But only and only a master could truly accomplish all that it could do. Haro reached out and lifted the pen off of the pedestal. He turned around to show Nerrit. But before he got half way, Nerrit shouted and Haro was tackled by a large ball of fur and claws.

Haro grabbed the things head and shoved a mouth full of teeth away from himself. The creature was a werwolf. One of the last savage guardians that were left in the city.

Haro wrestled his way from the beast and bolted for the door. Nerrit in tow. The werwolf followed after them, determined to return the piece of treasure they had found.

Haro ran for his life. Pumping his legs and arms, trying desperately to avoid the teeth that sought his flesh. One of the trap corridors were approaching. Haro took out a sheet of parchment and scribbled the words in eight sections on the paper. He tore the paper into eight pieces and spread them out on his hands. He released his energy into them and thrust his hands before himself.

The floor of the trap corridor was frozen. It held the panels that would have killed him still.

Nerrit slowed down a bit to let Haro get a head of himself and started melting the ice with what little he could, just enough to slow the raving beast.

Nerrit darted to Haro and stayed by his shoulder looking back at the creature chasing them.

The werwolf ran through the hall like it was nothing, gliding over its surface like a fog over water. Nerrit cried out and turned to face where they were going.
"Return that which is my charge!" The wolf cried. He was almost upon them now. He clawed furiously at the ground.

An idea came to Haro. He took out another piece of parchment and wrote on it. He then poured energy into the letters and let it drop the ground face up. When the werwolf ran over it right after it hit the ground, a frozen ball came up and covered his limbs in a good layer of ice. Not enough to do harm, but enough to stop him and keep him from chasing down the young winged.
"It work!" Nerrit shouted in Haro's ear.
"Thank you Nerrit."
"sorry."

"Let me out of this! And return my charge!" The werwolf shouted. "I am guardian here."

"Who told you to guard this, guardian?" Haro asked panting as he briskly walked back. "Who told you to guard the ivory pen?"

"The winged ones who gave me a home! And shelter!! It was more that what most have done!!!" The werwolf continued to become agitated as spoke, continuing to try and break through the slowly melting ice.

Haro had to work quickly. The more he learned from the beast the more likely he was to get the creature on his side. "I am Haro Hailblade, on of the winged and scripter of justice. As one of the people who made this place and gave you the home, I exercise my right to use the tools that my ancestors left for me."

The werwolf calmed down a bit. "You are winged? Show ME!"

Haro sighed as he took off his shirt. "I am sealed. Because of this I will have to either use the time I have or reserve what energy I can so I may travel swiftly on foot. So know that I will put it on you to help me recover should I choose to stay and recover my strength." He focused his energy and poured it from his core to the seal. The tribal shadow design glowed and changed to an ivory white color, then slowly disappeared, leaving no trace like they never existed. Haro shined for a time and when the light dimmed, he stood there, the six wings unfolding from his back, extending to their full length. "Now do you believe my words?"

The werwolf stared openly in awe. "You have returned for me, my master!" The werwolf's voice was surprisingly gentle and fearful. "Forgive me! I have done wrong master. please find it in your heart to forgive me!"

Haro sighed. "Nerrit go melt the ice on his legs. Guardian, there is nothing to fear, I feel no anger towards you. You have done as you were told." Haro felt weak from using his energy in his scription. He could feel his grip on the power within himself starting to loosen. "I do need you to do one thing for me. Get me some food so I may gain some of my strength back." Haro fell to a knee and a hand, trying hard to stay strong. The white wings on his back began to dissipate, each feather falling off and dissolving into nothing.

"Master!" The guardian cried. He broke what ice was left and ran to Haro's side. He clutched at the feathers that were falling off and dissipating. The ones that he grabbed stayed material. "Master what is happening? Why are your wings going away?"

"I told you, its because they were sealed away. Because I had to hide who I was. so because I had such large wings and great power, they sealed it away for my safety." Haro started to have flash backs to that day. He could remember the feel of the needle that they almost endlessly poked into him, and the hot iron that they said made the ink stay. But all he felt at the time was pain.

The same pain he was feeling now. It was not normal for that pain to be there. But it was. Haro passed out on the floor.

[Haro Hailblade]

When Haro came too he was warped in a blanket and a warm shirt with a hood. It was thick and felt nice. A small cooking fire with a pot on it and the guardian werwolf stirring a good smelling stew. he tried to sit up, but still felt drained from releasing the seal.

"Master! are you alright?" Asked the guardian as he went to tend to Haro. "You must recover first."

"How long have I been asleep?" he asked, lowering himself down while the guardian tucked him in.

"Three hours. The sun has set and storms are not safe for master winged."

"Thats Haro."

"Master Haro. I am Grin, guardian of the ivory pen and keeper of the scription library." Grin moved back to the pot on the fire to add more seasonings to it.

"Did you say scription library?" Haro turned himself to face Grin at his task. "There are scription books still in tact?"

Grin nodded, "Yes, there are. Many many books were kept here for safe keeping after the fighting start. They stayed here and none knew."

Haro thought for a second. "Grin, I am going to need something else. Before I leave, I need you to bring me a volume, it's called basic scription."

Grin nodded. "Grin will do as master Haro requests."

Haro thought a bit about what Grin said. He said the fighting. Haro knew that there was a great catastrophe that his parents wouldn't tell him about, but he didn't know of what kind. "Grin, what was the great catastrophe? What was the fighting?"

Grin froze. He sighed and a pained look crossed his face. "The great war between the winged and the ground. Many died, many did not even get a chance to fight. The winged had decent among one another and that lead to their decent." Grin poured a hot bowl of stew for Haro and handed the steaming soup to the injured winged. "The fought over taking humans as slaves, some thought it right, others thought it wrong."
"The ones that thought it wrong won and ended the war. They hid from the humans because they would never forgive them. The winged hid from the humans among the humans."

Haro took a spoon full of soup and blew on it to cool it. "And that is why we are as we are now, because of shame. The shame of what my ancestors did has put this seal on me." He started eating the soup. He felt some what hurt by the fact that his wings, the wings he took pride in, were put away because of history.

Grin nodded, his sad expression telling of the pain that he had to endure watching his masters, whom he was thankful to, destroy themselves.

[Haro Hailblade]

The next day Haro was recovered enough to start traveling again. He left after getting the book from Grin and gave the guardian a warm far well. Haro took up a strong stride and was able to make it out of the mountain by the end of the day. Haro made camp with a fire and a tent pitched on the cold grass and leaves. There were several figures who surrounded the small camp. Men with swords, axes, and clubs.

The band crept up on the tent, no sound was made for neither, the men or the tent. The band attacked the tent, slashing and hacking at the inside. "Hey! That blanket was my favorite!"

The band turned around to see Their target standing before the fire with a bundle of wood. The charged the lone target like a stampede of rage and steel. Haro drew his sword and rolled to the left of one man to hamstring him from behind. "Who are you?" Haro shouted, but the men refused to hear him, they couldn't hear him. They were so absorbed by their lust to kill they would not stop. Berserkers. Haro easily avoided their attacks. A berserker alone was very dangerous, but in a band, against one, they were more a harm to each other. Their blades swung recklessly as he weaved in and out of the tangled group of enraged fighters. Haro nearly had to do nothing. All he had to do was keep from dyeing. Slowly, the Berserkers started falling like leaves to the ground.

Haro was left with two. They were better, because they could direct their attacks better, and the excess help was gone, so they could strike unhindered. Haro spun around one and stabbed him in the back with his sword. The last one came relentlessly. Haro had to move as fast as he could to block and dodge the swinging sword. Finally there was an opening. The Berserker lifted his sword high in the sky and yanked it down with great force. Haro got right up into the man and ran him through. The lifeless body fell limply as Haro shoved him off of his sword and onto the ground. Haro was exhausted by the fight, and Had little energy left.

The next day he woke to the sound of feet crunching the snow. "I am verry impressed indeed! Those were my best berserkers." Haro new the voice. He leapt out of his bead roll and drew his sword. "I must know who you are and add you to my group. we would be delighted to have you." said Luscious. His devious grin plastered to his tan face. "This offer is only being made once."

Haro stood tall and drew his sword. "Never would I work for you."

Luscious snapped his fingers and a black flaming ball hurled towards Haro. Haro jumped and rolled out of the way barely missing the fire ball. He got to his feet and pulled a page from the book pouch. Just a few seconds and The necessary words were written.

Luscious fired another fire ball and Haro rolled out of the way. They kept coming, one after another after another. Luscious laughed menacingly as hie drove Haro around with his fire balls.

what is with people and killing me with fire balls. Haro took cover behind a rock and pulled out the scription book he requested from Grin. The pages were blank accept for one page. It was the word for piercing. Haro shrugged and decided it was worth adding in. He took out another piece of parchment and wrote the same phrase for ice ball but added in the word piercing. Haro put the book away and sheathed his sword. with both pages in each hand he ran from his spot. Haro poured his energy and used the simple ice ball page while running. The sphere got half way and was consumed by a black fire ball. Haro sprinted and took three steps up a tree, then flipped. As he spun backwards Haro poured his energy into the piercing ice ball page. The words drew the cold from the air even more so, till there was an elongated ice shard. The ice shard darted through the black fire and pierced Luscious in his side.

Luscious fell to a knee as Haro aproched. Haro drew his sword and held it to Luscious' throat. "Your done, now leave me and never return."

"I will get what I want, weather it is your blood on the ground or your loyalty to me." Said Luscious and snapped his fingers. Black fire cloaked Luscious and the next moment died out with nothing left.

Haro looked around to see what was left untouched. His pack was fine, but his bead role was burnt to a crisp. Great, just what I need. now I need a new bead roll. Haro picked up what was good and finished destroying what wasn't in a fire. Haro pined an ice page to the tree and put enough energy in it to freeze the fire once it was done, the words would have to gather more energy before they enacted.

Now fully rested, Haro would be able to fly back and get close enough to town to be on time. He took of his shirt and picked up his pack as the tattoos disappeared and Haro's wings unfolded.

[Taskmienster]

A pen to precious to leave :: You didn’t specifically request any type of judgment, any length or depth or anything. So, I’m going to be doing what I think is necessary and wherever I catch something. Due to this being only 5 posts it is possible that I might lower the rewards just a bit, but we’ll see after I’ve read it how I feel about that.



Continuity 2

:: When you’re writing, you want to make sure that you explain the background of your character as well as other supporting characters (In this case Nerrit). If you don’t give us a story to go along with who we’re reading about we have trouble following what you’re trying to write about. As such, it’s best not to make the reader go to your profile to figure out who Haro is. Also, if you have a specific goal you are attempting to accomplish it’s best to make sure that your reader knows that coming into the thread. Explain a little bit of backstory while you are writing about what you are going to be doing. How did you get here? What is your purpose wherever you are? Things like that will make everything go much smoother in the long run.

Setting 2


Setting (10) ~ A good story requires both a place and a time. Closely related to continuity, setting asks another question: When and where is the story occurring? Setting should be judged according to how well these things are described -- do we get a sense of the landscape, do we understand where we are? -- and how well they are used. For instance, if a character describes a chair, is the chair used as a seat? Is the pen on the desk merely mentioned, or is it also picked up and twirled between a character's fingers? A good setting not merely describes the place, it also makes use of objects within that place. Setting is not a canvas on which you paint a story -- it is a world in which you ACT a story.

Read over that, and if you have questions or don’t fully understand what it’s explaining, feel free to ask me any specifics and I’d be glad to help you with it.

Pacing 3


If Continuity asks Why? and Setting asks Where and When?, then Pacing asks "How?" Is the action clearly described? In judging Pacing, the first question that must be asked is the author's intent. If the intent is to keep the reader from putting down the story, then a good Pacing score requires that the story delivered: it kept the tension high, releasing it in certain places and building it in others. It kept you guessing. If the intention of the Pacing is to develop a particular character, then did the development of the plot serve to provide the character with specific ways to grow? In other words...Pacing must keep you reading, but must also serve the intent of the author. Did the story develop in a way that served the author’s intent?

Again, if you have questions feel free to ask me and I’ll be glad to help you understand anything you might have questions with.

Dialogue 4

:: Most of the dialogue was filled with the same grammatical errors that I noted about your narrative. Proof-read and spell check your posts and you’ll be doing much better. Also, you should try and work something into the dialogue that makes your character more real and give him a personality through his speech. It’s more or less trying to think of quirks, or ideas that make Haro more real. Most of the dialogue that you wrote, for all the characters, was rather anime-esque. It was melodramatic to a fault and didn’t seem “real” enough to see it fit into the character’s personality very well.

Action 3


action is not limited to fighting! For example, a character might have a favorite book. One could begin a thread with her reading it for a third time, and commenting on it as a friend walks in. Or maybe a character collects old coins. In a quest, one could come across a trove of them, and have the character go to any lengths to keep ahold of them as the quest progresses. Think of action as being just what it says: anything a character DOES. Just like dialogue, action is not defined by how cool a maneuver is or how intelligently the character planned and executed a strategy. Rather, action is judged by whether or not a character does things that fit the character.

Persona 4


Persona refers to how well a character's emotions are depicted in relation to their personality. Emotions can be one of the trickiest things to talk about -- either one doesn't portray them enough or one does a bit too much. Characters, for the most part, do have emotions. They feel pain, they feel love, hate, anger, confusion. A few pointers can help with judging Persona. First, the characters should feel emotion, but not always know what to do with it. Most people feel emotion, but they often struggle with knowing the precise emotion they are having or determining how to act on the emotion. Whether a player portrays this conflict or not should determine the score. Second, is the emotion believable? Absent a specific reason, emotion should not be overblown. A lengthy description of how much love you feel for the person you just had sex with, for instance, can be rather obnoxious.

However, keep this in mind: both these rules can be suspended if the emotion depicted is well-done in relation to personality. For instance, a character might be a warrior, used to pain -- used to not reacting with tears or cries if a dagger pierces them, for instance. Or they might have tried to harden their heart to love, or ignore feelings of hate because they think hate is a bad thing to feel. Or a character might be the clingy type, ignoring subtle emotions in favor of seeking that clear feeling of "I love her so much" that may characterize an adolescent boy. Or the character might merely be expressing emotions of an overblown nature as a way to mask their underlying uncertainty and fear. Persona is one of the hardest areas to judge, in my view (although it is no harder than the old, nebulous "Character"). However, in a sense, it is like what Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said about pornography: ""I shall not attempt to define the kinds of material I understand to be pornography, but I know it when I see it." In short words: you’ll know good emotion when you see it.

Technique 2


This refers to special literary devices, such as foreshadowing, allusion, symbolism, or other "advanced" forms of writing. This can be judged in a few ways, often interacting with the other categories (especially pacing), in the sense that certain devices, such as foreshadowing, can be used to build tension and so forth. However, Technique can also be applied to how well a special device was used. For example, if someone does a battle in poetry, Technique can refer to whether or not the poetry was good. In a way, this area applies in the same way the old area "Writing Style" did. Also, sometimes people may break the rules of "Mechanics" in order to make a stylistic point. Sentence fragments, for instance. These can be used to provide emphasis. If a mechanics "error" is used intentionally and actually provides a stylistic point, it is best not to deduct points in Mechanics. On the whole, though, Technique refers to the use of literary devices in order to make a thread truly great.

Mechanics 1

:: Mechanics in general is really just a bit of proofreading as well as maybe typing up your posts in some sort of spell checking program such as Word. If you do that, it’ll show you a lot of the little things you might miss upon first typing up your post. There are a lot of spelling and grammar errors in this thread that could have been avoided by reading over and correcting them yourself, or typing something up in a Word type program.

:: [[Here he was, seven days from the meeting. He needed to get certian supplies, but they would not be easy to get. He needed scription tools. and there wasn't any place on althanas that could give him them. He needed to go to the earth bound city near Scara Brea.]] Post 1 :: First, before I make any other notes, this is a technique thing. Try not to overuse the same word over and over, like you did with “he” in this paragraph. You can use other ways to say he, like use his name, a description of him (such as swordsman, or mage or something along those lines). Now, the notes – “certain” was spelt incorrectly, after “scription tools” you should have put a comma instead of a period, even if you wanted to make that a new sentence you should have capitalized “and” because it’s the beginning of a new sentence, Althanas should be capitalized because it’s a proper noun, and you spelt Brae incorrectly.

Clarity 3

:: Due mostly to the grammatical mistakes and the pacing the thread was really hard to follow.

Wild Card 3


Score: 27


Rewards:

Haro Hailblade :: 125 exp | 15 gold

((SPOILS :: I’m not sure what the pen or book do, because it wasn’t truly specified clearly enough, so PM me and we can figure that out.
:: I can’t approve all those new skills and stuff. Pick one, and PM me with the specifics about it when you send me a message about the book and pen. Until that point, nothing is going to be approved , due to the fact that I don’t want to pick which spells you can gain, but also can’t allow all of them.))

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added.