Duel of the Pie-Pans. (Closed)

[Aiko]

Calbrena sat in a tavern known as The Enlightened Way. This was by far the quietest tavern she had ever been in, for though its patrons did indeed speak, they did so only in hushed whispers. This, Calbrena did not understand, the monks of Aibrone had established this specifically for their guests to plan their next battle, to review their most recent victories and defeats, or simply to gather with good friends and have a good time. It was as though they were afraid to break the sanctity and solemn silence observed by the monks.

She should have known better, than to waste her time trying to establish a network of contacts in a place like this. It was the only reason she was in The Citadel today. She didn't want to fight, to test herself, or do anything people normally came to The Citadel to do. She wanted a network of contacts to make up for her lack in power, so that when people wanted something, she could give it to them, for a price of course. How else was she supposed to be The Deadly Sin of Corruption? Her family, the other Seven Deadly Sins, never told her what to do to be a successful Sin.

Calbrena sighed, and walked out of the tavern without paying her tab, the evilest thing she had done in days. She needed entertainment, so she decided to walk the halls of the Citadel, and see what secrets the monks kept to themselves. Down a dark hallway, several minutes later, a hand reached out from behind Calbrena, and grabbed her, holding her fast.

“Let go of me!” she screamed, struggling to break free.

Who ever it was, was standing behind her, and holding her hands high above her head. She leaned her head back, and looked straight into the eyes of an angry young man, that had to be about eleven, twelve feet tall, and descended from some sort of family of giants.

“You walked out without paying your tab. We don't like thieves who take advantage of our generous nature. Your going to pay, and I'm going to rip you in half if you don't.” the young man said.

“Easy Romous, I know your just an initiate, but that's not the way we do things. The children are waiting for their entertainment. She'll entertain them until then. That will be her pay. If she doesn't agree, then you can rip her in half.” An old man's voice said from behind the giant.

“I'll do it, I'll do it, I'm sorry!” Calbrena cried, desperate to save her own hide. A small battle to placate the monks, and then she was getting out of this worthless dump to seek her prize elsewhere.

When she was shoved through a door, she heaved a sigh of relief. Then the darkness vanished, to reveal herself in a massive warehouse, filled with a maze of boxes, props, and backgrounds. Carnival music was playing all around her, assaulting her ears with its effervescent melodies. She stood up, looked down and screamed in a mix of fright and outrage. The damn arena changed her appearance!

“Where are my clothes!” she demanded of the air around her.

“Where they always were. This arena is special. This battle is designed with our amusement in mind. You are to duel with pies, fish, assorted props. Use your imagination, but make us laugh. Embarrass your opponent, and when one of you is unable to continue, then you are done.” The old monk's voice said.

She looked in a mirror that was standing nearby. Her face was painted white, with polka-dots of assorted colors all over it. The red ones she discovered, was in fact her natural skin. Her red nose was showing too. Her hair was turned blue, and her horns yellow. She wore a green and yellow shirt with a frilly collar, like a court jester. Her hands were gloved, and her pants were red and orange. Her wings were candy coated in red and white stripes, as was her tail. Her feet had purple and blue slippers on, with a little bell on the end that jingled whenever she took a step.

“My, my, I'm still beautiful no matter how I'm dressed, aren't I mirror?” she asked the mirror.

In response the mirror shattered into millions of fragments with a scream of horror.

“Damn critic. I didn't need your opinion anyway.” Calbrena said, feeling insulted by the inanimate object.

She turned, and with a jingle to every step, decided to wander this box maze, looking for her opponent.

Closed to Duffy.

The rules for this arena are as follows:

There is no set environment, beyond the box maze. There's props galore, millions of backgrounds, and lots of boxes, so mix it up as you wish.

Calbrena doesn't know it yet, but in this arena, we can summon any non-lethal item we wish to hand instantly, and it'll be there. Of course, the boxes contain all those fun props I mentioned before, so they might already be at hand. This fight ends when one of us is somehow trapped and unable to fight back.

All bunnying of Calbrena approved.

[Duffy]

“This is odd,” Duffy muttered in a low dulcet tone to no-one in particular. The arena was a humdrum coalition of twilight and boxes, and appeared much more like a theatre than a competition killing field. Either the monks had learned of his true identity and were revealing it in all its glory or by some sheer coincidence, his opponent was a rather dapper and prepared bard. He stepped into the first passage way and spent several minutes tooing and froing the long corridors in hopeless searching. The smell of dust and old knickers was all too familiar to him, and he chuckled as he began to climb up the faux mountain of crates to look out across from a vantage point.

There were clothing items of every possible description beneath his feet, as far as the eye could see. He plucked up the lid of one box and threw it aside, flinching as it crashed down the slope on the far side from where he had climbed and came to a rest on the maze floor in a dust cloud and grumpy temperament. Inside, there were various feather boas and glittery frocks. “Ermm,” he muttered, moving on to the next in a hurry. The monks had instructed humour to be the weapon of the day and he was certainly not going to ply his trade wearing Coronial ‘entertainer’ attire. He had standards did Duffy, and even though they were much lower than most, it did not stoop to that.

He found a box full of castanets, a box full of boxes (useful the world over) and the fourth box he dived into seemed to contain a large quantity of pies. They were not Rodden, there was no sweet smell of cinnamon and apple from their lids, and they were not blackcurrant, for the pastry oft stained a darker shade during cooking. He bent down on his haunches and lifted out the nearest, carefully trying not to drop it. It was contained in a flimsy paper casing and some of it cracked like a volcano rupturing as he stood upright. Little sparks arced around his brain and forged a little idea, one that would be messy, sure, but interesting all the same. He had not had a food fight since Lilith’s wedding and the scorn he had gotten afterwards made him question any attempt to try it twice. Here, on the other hand there would be no reprisals, no snappy kicks to the groin and he would not be ostracised for a week afterwards.

Duffy took a deep breath and embraced the pastry and dust and perfume aroma of the Citadel. This would be a welcome reprieve from the continual warring he had fallen into with too much gusto that he had lost himself. A chance to laugh again, a chance to cry with tears of joy and ridicule he thought, was something he would give many thanks to his opponent for. He tossed the pie up and down gently, as if to test its weight and set it down to one side. He pulled two more out of the box and left them in a pile. He would need something suitable to wear and he began to rummage through the other boxes. “I need me summat to don me ‘at on,” he chuckled, hopping left and right and ripping into the crates with a childish enthusiasm.

It did not take long for the thief to pull out a large ceramic mask in the design of an oriental fox with sleek and mysterious eyes and a somewhat goofy smile. It was perfect for his pie dichotomy and Duffy tied the red ribbon around the back of his head and checked the vision with a giggle. In the same crate, he found a large fur tail with a belt, which he put on with too much enjoyment; and a fan with a feminine design of floral sickliness. He waved it coyly in front of his face and rested a hand inwards on his hip to don the pose of a ‘gee-shar,’ or whatever it was Ruby said the ladies of Akashiman society were called. With a precarious wobble, Duffy plucked up the pies stack and teetered to the edge of the maze wall. Armed, and looking fabulous, he made his way back into the maze and tip-toed along the passage way, with every intent of performing a pie-assassination as his opener.

[Aiko]

Jingle...jingle...jingle.

Calbrena wished she could have something more conducive to stealth on her feet, but she had to make the monks happy, to prevent being ripped in half for not paying her bar tab. The gloves would make it hard to do any damage with her claws, and her attempts at getting out of her ridiculous outfit were so far unsuccessful.

“Guess I better see what sort of things are laying around.” she said softly to herself.

Unknowingly mirroring her opponent, she too climbed to the top of the maze, and pried open a box. Inside she found assorted costumes, and beneath those, a stuffed chicken. Inside another box, she found glass bottles, with water in them. She took one out, and looked at the lid in curiosity. It had a handle on it, with a trigger. She looked closely, having never seen a bottle like this before. She pulled the trigger, and screamed in panic as water shot her in the face. Throwing the bottle, she looked at another, and realized it was designed to shoot water.

Disappointed there weren't any weapons, she grabbed another bottle, and stood up. Walking along the top of the maze afforded Calbrena with the most advantageous view of this place. She discovered walls in the distance, but she was terrible at distance estimations. Seemed like a large warehouse though. A click brought her attention down to her feet. Something was wrong, there was air beneath her feet. She was flying, a box had catapulted her into the air.

She tried to take control, but her wings weren't strong enough, she could barely glide with them, she was helpless. Screaming, she rocketed through the air towards the center of the maze and crashed into a large cargo box filled with all the props needed to make an underworld scene. The box fell open and spilled onto the ground. Being magical, the scene decided to set itself up since it was free. Stalagmites erected themselves, and Stalactites shot to the ceiling in order to hang down. Harmless magical fires erupted, forming a pool of liquid fire. It was in this pool that Calbrena lay, hidden and unconscious for several minutes.

She awoke with a start, realizing she was rather warm in the magic fire, and got up to see where she was now. First her wings emerged from the fire, then her tail. Next came her horns and her eyes, as she stood up, a demon emerging from fire in a classic scene of horror. If only she didn't look like a clown the effect would be perfect. Yet, her vision was blurry, and she couldn't see too well. She shook her head a few times to clear her vision, hoping it wasn't too late. Her bottle was missing, thrown somewhere during her unexpected flight.

[Duffy]

Duffy wandered around the corner like a kitsune dancer at an Akashiman carnival. Whilst he had expected very much to be able to make his opponent jump, his short, sharp scream said otherwise. Some daemonic fiend indescribable was clambering out of a caldera, the smoke and whiskery tendrils of it's soul floating into the air and the fire about its hellish form ruptured and cackled.

"What in the..." he muttered, fear and dread furrowing his brow and tensing his limbs. The stack of pies he had procured for the entertainment of the monks teetered dangerously as he swayed indecisively. The thief looked over her wings and her tail and...her clown costume? Suddenly he felt foolish for ever having been frightened to begin with, and stood upright with a sudden bravado drunken boys found in a bar fight.

"Oi!" He roared, skipping forwards with jubilation glee and adrenaline flooding his mischief maker bones. "Foul Damascus fiend, come get some of this!" The curious fox scuttled up to the edge of the fiery stage and, with all the gusto and lack of accuracy of a true clown, he threw the first pie square at his opponent. It travelled through the air in a spinning arc, and the Narrator did a long wolf whistle to accompany it's trajectory.

The fox mask and tail went nicely with his howl as he jumped back, to get a better view of the blackberry and rodden calamity he had unleashed. The show must go on!

[Aiko]

Calbrena looked towards the voice, not expecting someone to actually be in this place with her. She saw it coming, but it was too late to dodge, a smooth creamy pie was headed right for her. She might at least block it. She quickly got her wings around her.

SPLAT!

The pan fell to the floor with a clatter, and Calbrena rushed over to nearby boxes hoping for something useful. Her eyes sparkled with delight as she pulled out an unexpected treasure amid all the garbage.

“Stupid monks, making me wear this silly outfit, and humiliating me, just because I walked out of their bar without paying the tab. Well, I'll show them, but first I'll show you. No one makes a fool out of me!” She said.

She turned on her opponent, and leveled an adamantine greatsword at him. Her grin faded as the sword bent in the middle and appeared to be looking at her. Which was silly, it didn't have eyes.

“A demon! An actual demon, I don't know if I can handle this act, in fact I know I can't, I can't perform under this stress. I think I'm going to faint!” a ghostly disembodied voice said.

The sword appeared to be growing larger in the middle, then shrinking, as though it were hyperventilating. Then it went limp and turned to common iron. Calbrena shook the limp sword, and it was like shaking a burlap bag. She threw the useless item to the side in disgust.

“Useless props, pies, water, not a real weapon to be found. I thought I got lucky with that sword, but appearently, it too is just a prop, a fake sword.” Calbrena thought.

She felt around for something, found a seltzer bottle, and squeezed, aiming towards her opponent.

[Duffy]

Duffy raised his eyebrow, a hidden sign of amusement behind the pottery and paint. The flimsy tray and filling had turned into the more comical, and what he presumed to be more painful cream filled variety. Something was amiss, and his suspicions were confirmed as everything the daemon clown picked up, turned to something amusing, but utterly pointless, painless, and without wit.

"Well! Looks like we're in a right 'ol pickle!" He slurred with a slight Coronian accent, to throw her off the scent. His taunt was rewarded with a spray of water, which gusseted down his torso and pronounced him the firm winner of the wet t-shirt competition. He chuckled, padding his front down and wringing out the hem of his shirt with a chuckle. "Let's play ball now shall we?"

He tossed the second and third pies one after the other with little aim, as they travelled through the air they turned into a Salvarian ice slushee and a Scara Brae flat bread, topped with a goats cheese and duck liver pate. His distraction in full swing, the Narrator screamed

FOOOOOOOOD FIIIIGGGHHHT!

He drove his hands into a nearby crate and wished for something vaguely ball shaped. The first object he pulled out was too literal, and he let the oxen genitalia slap onto the cold hard floor with a shudder running down his spine. He tried again, pulled out a semi-inflated pig-stomach and tested it for bounce.

He dribbled it left to right, like a ninja 'football' fox and rested it under his foot. He looked back to the demon and heard the non-existent crowd roar with laughter. Playing the fool was exactly what Duffy had been born to do, and he relished the frustration in his opponent at not being able to draw blood, except, he pulled his foot back and kicked, when laughter was involved! He aimed square at the demon, hoping to lure her into a game of ball across the crate stacks and trap happy joke shop that the Citadel had conjured for their torture and the monk's delight.

[Aiko]

As the pies came flying toward her, Calbrena began to close her wings, but not fast enough to prevent the Salvarian Ice slushee from smacking her in the face. Fortunately, the flat bread topped with cheese and liver pate hit her wings. Calbrena scowled at her opponent as she wiped the slushee off her face. Fire began to crackle around her as her irritation rose and began to evolve into anger.

“I'm the Deadly Sin of Corruption, not the Deadly Sin of humor. I shouldn't be in this situation. By the dark ones why didn't I just let them rip me to pieces? It was a more dignified option.” She complained loudly while her opponent searched for something.

She turned to an open box, and her hand brushed against a glass sphere. It activated and hovered over the pair, and created an illusion of a pair of elven bards. One was holding an accordion, one a harmonica. Seeing what was going on, they began musical accompaniment, making up and playing a jolly tune on the spot.

Not having any luck, Calbrena turned in time to see a stomach smack her in the face. Calbrena caught it as it fell, and scowled at her opponent some more. She hurled it back, and searched another box. This one contained a king's ransom of enchanted gems. She picked up a likely one, and it activated.

Her opponent, if he was paying attention, would see Calbrena suddenly transmute into a snow woman made of candy. Behind it, Calbrena tossed the gem and picked up another. This one glowed, but apparently did nothing.

“Bark! Bark!” Calbrena was barking like a dog when she tried to talk, thus learning the gem's power.

[Duffy]

Duffy-Come-Fox burst into gut-wrenching laughter as the projectile hit it's mark and exploded. It had changed before his eyes and changed again just as fleetingly, and the chaos excited him to the bone. He was too excited to take any notice of the flamboyance she displayed in complaint, any sense of fear and dread had been thrown out of the window when he had been shocked and surprised at her daemonic appearance climbing from the hell-fire...only to realise she was dressed in a clown costume moments afterwards.

She kicked the ball back and Duffy caught it underfoot. With a one and a two taps he bounced it up and hooked it under a swinging leg in a simple dexterous display, only to loose it with a sudden straight stance and a casual 'Wasn't Me' whistle. He watched the daemon with a curious expression that suggested mirth but foretold of confusion. He raised an eyebrow and plucked the geisha fox mask from his face. His hair was plastered to his forehead and his cheeks were cherry blossom red, but he still held the stakes for the looks award.

"Ermm," he mumbled, seeing the daemon turn into a strange fairytale figure and then start barking like a dog. It appeared she had found some form of transmutation gems, and he quickly fell into jealousy. Like a magpie, he hopped slowly over to her side as she rummaged from the cornucopia of pretty trinkets. With the stealthy guile of a ninja, he snook up to her side and scooped up one of the discarded stones with a tricksy finger couplet.

He prayed for noise, and brought both his hands up in a wide arc. Ready, steady, YO! He slammed them together slightly cupped with the intention of making her jump from her costume, the lapis lazuli clenched between them. The stone warped the clap into a thunderous

BOOM!

And on went the circus in the Citadel.

[Aiko]

Calbrena stumbled backwards from the thunderous explosion of noise caused by her opponent's clap. She clapped her hands over her ears as she screamed in pain, her ears were ringing.

“By the darkest of gods what was that infernal gem, a deafen every living creature in a hundred mile radius gem?” she cried.

She turned and ran off, but tripped over a banana peel that fell out of a box higher up and went head first into a box that opened up and ate her! With a belch it looked out at its environment with a happy satisfied smile. Then it frowned, and turned green.

It belched, and a noxious purple gas came out. Calbrena crawled laughing uncontrollably.

“Hahaha, I don't, haHA, know what that gas was, HAHAHA, but it sure put me in a better mood!” she said between fits of laughter.

She leaned on an open crate, still laughing, unable to stop. Filled with pies she reached in for one, but fell in.

“Whoops, big fly in the pies!” She said with a strained voice, then collapsed into gales of helpless laughter.

“Oh gods this is so undignified. Just get this over with and kill me or something, I can't stop.” She said sourly, then started into a new round of laughter. She reached up for a small box and opened it, giggling with mirth. Inside was a small black sphere.

“Fetch doggy!” she yelled as she threw it at the only other person in the arena.

As it went, it grew, and jiggled while Calbrena giggled maniacally, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. If it impacted, it would cause him to speak nothing but gibberish, and reverse control over his body.

[Duffy]

Duffy’s eyebrows went up and down like a concertina, uncertain of where to be given the spectacle unfolding before them. On the one hand, he was tickled, and the entertainment value of this strange and spurious arena was amusing but on the other, he did not know how to win, how to defeat her at his own game. Panting, sweating and stuck into the white robes and leather chaps he had entered in, the thief plucked the tail from his backside and whipped it mockingly.

Inspiration struck as he flaunted his appendage. He concentrated very hard onto the fake fur and before his eyes; it elongated and turned into a length of rope. With a flick of the wrist he tested its tensile strength and smiled, even as the orb was tossed in his general direction. As it shattered on the ground and the steam poured through the cracks in the shimmering surface, Duffy suddenly felt the need to turn left when he wanted to turn right, and jump when he wanted to kneel. The curious sensation washed over him like one gin and tonic too many, and then the laughter hit.

“I ain’t your puppy-hahahahahaHAHAHAH!” He guffawed through his words and bent over backwards instead of slapping his knees. His entire world, quite literally, had gone to pot. The vapours faded and several minutes, to the audience’s amazement were filled with both combatants rolling around on the floor in confusion, mania and a slight hint of method acting.

The rope flopped around in his hand like a worm, and finally, just as he felt sick with it all, the gas’s effects faded. He rested for a few moments on his back, staring up between the box maze’s tall walls and sighed. This wasn’t what he had expected by any means, but it was all part and parcel of the learning process. He jumped up, loosened the slack on the rope and set his sights deadpanned onto the clown devil.

He spun the rope above his head like a lasso, each rotation adding to the speed and precision of the non-lethal weapon. He supposed, in his limited wisdom that an item in this arena could change on whim. He also supposed that they were supposed to entertain, and what better way to entertain than rope tricks! Duffy bit his lip to concentrate and tossed the tendril of hemp across the gap which separated the two. He concentrated really hard and passed on the ancient rope trick he had had in mind along the twists and strands. If it touched, and with Duffy’s roguish luck it would, the daemon would feel composed to perform the grand finale of every Salvarian mage’s performance.

Or plummet upwards to her death, whichever got the cheapest laugh.

[Aiko]

Calbrena was unable to stop laughing. She didn't know what sort of gas it was that hit her, but it was beginning to hurt. She spotted something coming at her, a rope. She caught it and it tried to tie her up. She struggled, trying to resist, but she was laughing too hard to stop it. In short order, it had her tied up and dangling from the ceiling.

“Aww, I'm all tied up just for you. Are things about to get all hot and steamy in here?” she asked.

A monk appeared from around the corner. He looked at Duffy, determined him to be in good condition, then up at Calbrena. He pointed at her, and the ceiling began to lower, even as the boxes began to disappear. Calbrena took a deep breath, and broke into a fresh round of laughter.

“You win, because you've incapacitated your opponent.” the monk said.

He turned and a pink gas coming from his sleeves surrounded Calbrena. Her laughter died out. Out of gratitude, she threw her arms around the monk and kissed him on the cheek.

“Yes, well, your a rather dirty woman, so why not exit through the red door and use the baths?”

Calbrena ran straight towards the red door, glad all the boxes and props and other things were gone. She noticed a green door, and realized it was for her opponent to use. She took a nice long bath, insured her normal clothes were clean, and left before the monks could think up something else to embarrass her with.

[Duffy]

The devil found itself bound inexplicably, and the laughter only increased from them both. Just as he felt like he could live with it no longer, a monk turned a corner and necessitated proceedings with a strange sleeve device. Duffy flopped his arms to his sides and at last felt like he could take a moment to breathe. The monk had sent his opponent packing and any sense of expectation and hope had sent his energy out an invisible door of it's own. It wasn't quite the rope trick he had expected, but it was still a performance worthy of his remembrance, and hopefully, the audience's too.

Sweaty, tired and sides aching, the thief waltzed over to the discarded fox masque and plucked it from the ground by one its ribbons. He let it spin before his eyes and admired its form. With a smile and a cock of the head that suggested mischief was still afoot, he tied it to his face once more despite the heat, and skipped over to the green door. He pushed it open, ran out into the preparatory chamber and up into the audience stands to Basque in his own self important glory.

The sound of cheers and laughter rolled down the steps into the chamber of comic melee, and burnt the strange encounter with the devil clown into the back of his mind for a great deal of time to come.


Spoil:

Geisha Mask: A ceramic fox masque in the traditional Akashiman style, with red ribbon to secure it to the face and a broad bright smile moulded into it. It conceals the face completely, but asides from its disguise potential, it has no magical ability nor is it worth anything.

[Silence Sei]

Let’s get started, shall we?

Aiko
STORY ~

(13/30)

Continuity (5/10) ~ Your reasoning for being in the citadel was a bit cliché. However, as I always find a hard time for my own character coming to the citadel, I didn’t dock you here. You seemed to be going somewhere with the connections thing, but it never flourished, which disappointed me.

Setting (5/10) ~ The box maze confused me a bit. That is why you and your opponent both have the same average score here. I couldn’t tell whether the maze was made up of boxes or what, and if so, how one managed to climb them so easily without the boxes giving way?

Pacing (3/10) ~ I would have liked to see a little bit more of this fight. You seemed to concluded it abruptly when things were getting good. A useful tip, if the nature of the fight is non-violent, I would prefer the fight to last about 15 or so posts. I always feel that citadel battles are rather short unless people otherwise specify so. I would imagine that a non violent competition would take a bit longer than a fight to the death.

Duffy
(16/30)

Continuity (6/10) ~ Because of Duffy’s usual nature of constantly going to the citadel (from what I’ve seen), your reasoning was more fit for the situation than Aikos. However, I still find the warrior came because he felt like it idea a bit cliché as well. Perhaps some goading or taunting from other Tantalum members would help? I would love to see the Narrator goad Duffy into a rage just one time.
Setting (5/10) ~ See Aiko’s comment for my feelings here.
Pacing (5/10) ~ Your score was more average here because Duffy was trying to end the fight without you as a writer trying to end the fight. The lasso thing made sense, but I didn’t see it as final attack of sorts.

• CHARACTER ~

Aiko

(15/30)

Dialogue (4/10) ~There wasn’t much to the dialogue of this thread. I found the barking humorous. I would have expected a lot more jokes and quips given the nature of this thread. I was disappointed when the funniest thing said was Duffy’s jibber-jabber (which actually –did- make sense, given the situation)

Action (7/10) ~ This thread was nothing if not action packed. Though the start was a bit slow, the second yall started the gags, the quicker they came at me. I would have liked a variety of objects thrown on your behalf, however. Duffy threw several things at once and ended with the liver, I thought you could have at least found a pie uzi or something.

Persona (4/10) ~ Calbrena was frustrated. I gathered that. The outright silliness was not her style. However, at the end when you spoke the line with the sexual overtone, it struck me as out of place. If I was flustered about being embarrassed, I wouldn’t start hitting on my opponent once they tied me up. I’d be raging.

Duffy
(17/30)

Dialogue (4/10) ~ It would have been average dialogue if not for Duffy’s puppy line. The stone was supposed to make your actor ramble non-sensical stuff. Considering that Calbrena was barking like a dog, and Duffy said a line referring to dogs. It struck me as if he had been –trying- to say something about Calbrena’s barking. Next time (if ever) the situation arises, I’d use something more random ‘Hobo Giraffe ate my sales’ for example.
Action (8/10) ~ You got the point advantage here because your character used so much versatility with projectiles and whatnot. You did an outstanding job using all the props given to you to thoroughly make Calbrena feel inferior.

Persona (5/10) ~ Duffy’s past with the troupe was perfect for this thread. I felt that the warrior was at home admidst all the circus props and whatnot. The shock from seeing the demon clown that was Calbrena brought a smile across my face. You explored Duffy’s actor nature while throwing his warrior side to the wayside, which is why there is only an average score here.

WRITING STYLE ~
Aiko
(19/40)

Mechanics (4/10) ~ A few fragments, a misspelled word here and there. There was nothing too substantially bad. I would give examples, but I hate trying to cite specific lines out of a thread as a whole. If you absolutely can’t stand to not know, just PM/IM me about it, and I’ll take some time to quote the errors to you.

Technique (5/10) ~ No real literary devices to speak of. It was average writing for a unique fight. That’s really all there is to it.

Clarity (6/10) ~ Aside from the box maze, where I docked you in setting for, your writing was clear. I could understand mostly everything you wrote without having to think about it too long. You could improve the score here by finding ways to specify things that everyone can instantly visualize.
Wild Card (4/10) ~ The sexual tone of Cal at the end really threw me off. The ending was very lackluster as well. I didn’t expect a monk to just walk in and say ‘TIME OVER! You win!’

Duffy

(20/40)

Mechanics (5/10) ~ Nothing glaringly bad here. You did everything right it seemed. I would like to see quotation marks from the narrator as well when you have him announce stuff, as well as the bold lettering.

Technique (6/10) ~ As anyone can tell from reading your threads, this was obviously Duffy writing. The use of ‘true’ English in the dialogue and some of the wording confuses me. However it is a special technique that nets you bonus points here…

Clarity (4/10) ~ ...Unfortunately, the same things dock you in clarity.

Wildcard (5/10) ~ It was a fun read, and Duffy was obviously the more comedic of the two. Nothing in particular happened to tickle my fancy on either character though.

Totals:

Aiko (47/100)

Duffy (53/100)

Duffy gets 1250 exp and 90 GP, as well as his mask.

Aiko gets 375 exp and 50 GP. She also gets a piping hot blueberry pie and her tab paid.


GG yall.

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added.