Edward Judorne Vs. Darkarcher: a battle.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward was looking through his mail.

"Bills, bills, bills, bills. Wait a minute what is this?" Edward said, stopping at a letter sealed with the royal crest of Corone.

Edward opened it carefully finding the following note inside:

"Dear Sir,

We have selected you as one of 2 people to participate in a battle to be watched by the king and queen of Corone. Please report to the Citadel ASAP.

Thank you"

Edward nodded and rushed off to Corone.

[Darkarcher]

Shadow was sitting at the local inn when a ragged dressing person burst through the doors and collapsed at his feet mumbling something while holding up his hand.

“Sir…Urgent…Letter.” The man said as he slipped from consciousness and hit is head off the edge of the table.

“Well! I have never had a urgent letter I wonder where it’s from?” Shadow said as he looked over at the man on the ground. “Hey barkeep heres 50gp let this man stay here for two nights and get him some decent clothes please.”

Shadow turned the letter over and saw the corone royal crest stamped onto the back. Everyone in the Inn was now looking at him and at the letter in his hand. This was odd why would he Shadow get a letter from the royal family of corone of all the people they could of chose they chose him.

Shadow opened the letter and it read:

“Dear Sir,

We send this letter to request your presence at the corone citadel for an arranged battle, starting ASAP, for our new captain of the Royal guards. Your foe is Edward Judorne the other candidate for the position.

Thank you”

Shadow nodded as he folded the letter back up placed it back in the envelope and placed inside his cloak for future reference when he reached the citadel.

[Edward Judorne]

As soon as Edward arrived at the citadel, he was met by a royal soldier who led him straight to a sandy arena. The stands were nearly empty, with the exception of the king and queen of corone watching from a balcony and a few soldiers on the sidelines.

The royal soldier then left out the same door he had led Edward through inorder to meet up with the challenger.

While Edward waited he surveyed all of his surroundings. He knew that there was not much to work with, but he needed to find out as much as he could about the arena so he could use it to his advantage later on.

[Darkarcher]

Shadow reached the citadel with ease seeing as the citadel was the high point of corone.
He reached the front door of the citadel when a royal guard in full iron platemail opened the door and asked, “Are you Shadowcaster?”

“Yes, I am sir and to prove it I have this letter I just received not even Ten minutes ago.” Shadow replied

The soldier nodded as he led him through the entire citadel to a door in the back. The soldier opened it and then closed it. Max had no idea where he had gone it was as If he was in another part of the world. The whole outside was built as seats for onlookers, the king and queen where in their seats with a few gaurds in the other lining the wall. Pillars rose up all along the side of the wall, giving the seats support. Five feet from the wall was a layer of sand and dirt, then a rise of stone, which was the area to fight.

This was amazing Shadow never thought this was possible to have all this stuff in just the citadel. He saw his opponent in the middle of the arena on the raise of the stone looking around. “You over there shall we get this started I don’t care for familiarities with people I intend to kill so just get ready, cause here I come!” shadow said as he charged his opponent in the middle of the arena.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward nodded as his opponent entered, but quickly came to realize this was less than a friendly match when his opponent spoke.

When his opponent charged he slashed in front of him in order to hit the charging man.

"I am not going to take you seriously if you only depend on strength. I have fought many battles with stronger opponents and won them all, yet if you intend to kill me," Edward said as he cast electrical missle on his rapier in order to give it an electrical current. "Then I must try to do the same to you."

Being careful not to make the mistake of charging in that his opponent had, Edward got as close as he could while still keeping a safe distance before firing another electrical missile at his foe at close range.

[Darkarcher]

Shadow took in these words and stopped in his tracks while placing a hand out infront of him fingers close together standing up with his thumb crossing into the middle.

"Oh no! my fine friend i rely on this!" He said as he forced a fireball from his hand towards his opponent, his opponent was already on the move so it would make it less likely for him to dodge such a blow.

as the fireball was being launched toawrds his foe he remembered something coming up from his childhood as though it was a vision but Shadow did not remember this at all. this vision was off him fooling around with all three of his magical elements at the side of a very wide lake. he placed both hands out infront of him and focused the three elements into one. there was his blue fireball infront followed by a trail of continous ice with lightning swirling around it. He shot it across the lake sending very high walls of water away from the blast.

Shadow was tugged back to reality when he noticed that a projectile was flying in his direction this was odd seeing as he never saw the man throw any projectile but this wasnt giving Shadow much time to think. He went to dodge to the left but was hit in the arm with the projectile rendering that arm completely and utterly useless from it had gone limp.

"You!! bastard!!! you will pay!" shadow screamed as he grabbed his right hand and pointed at his foe and shot a lightning bolt at his right arm.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward dodged quickly, but the fireball hit his cape.

"Damn it!!!!!" Edward yelled out as he shed his burning cape on the ground, "That was my best cape!!!! I guess it is time for me to fight a little more seriously."

Edward looked at his opponent and smiled to himself as he held his rapier out in front of him. The lightning bolt hit the rapier dead on and the rapier took in the lightning like a lightning rod. However, the strength behind the bolt was stronger than Edward had expected. It knocked the rapier straight out of his hand.

Edward dove for his weapon and picked it up along with a fistful of sand. As he got back to his feet he attempted to throw the sand in his foe's eyes. Soon, he noticed that his rapier was full of electrical energy.

"I hate to tell you this, but if you keep fighting, you will lose. You seem to be leaving yourself way too open. If you ever want to win this fight, don't fight it in anger." Edward said calmly.

He didn't know exactly why he gave advice to his opponent that day, but he knew that he wasn't the type who liked to see people die.

With that, Edward attempted toslash at his opponent's left leg. if he was successful, he would send all the electrical energy from his sword through the leg, hopefully rendering it limp.

[Darkarcher]

This was not good at all his lightning was just absorbed right into the man's sword. this man didn't waste no more time he came straight towards shadow swinging at a leg.

"oh hell no you didn't" Shadow said as he brought down his own steel longsword to meet the man's. At this point Shadow took this advantage to remove his weighted cloak and then he ripped the leather he had over his full steel plate male. "I sure hope you are in the good books of all the gods cause your going to one."

Shadow noticed that he could move a lot faster and easier now that he had all that stuff off of him. He kicked out at the man's foot to knock him off balance and then went for a nice punch to the side of the man's head, as strong and as fast as he could.

With his other hand that wasn't swinging he took his sword and went for a stabbing maneuver to the mans right shoulder. If his move succeeded this man was down and out

[Edward Judorne]

Edward dodged the slash in the nick of time and smirked. At least his opponent was something of a challenge now. Edward knew the way to beat any opponent was to take advantage of his foe's strengths and this was no exception. As Edward dodged out of the way, he went for a counter-slash of his own and then backed way up before firing his last electrical missle at his foe. He was pretty sure that he knew what his foe would do next, and he was ready for it. His opponent had been somewhat predictable thus far, and he was almost completely sure that if his foe kept fighting while enraged the next move would be just as predictable. His foe had just discovered a bit of a speed advantage, so Edward was sure that his foe would charge at him with some sort of attack. Edward was ready to slash when his opponent charged, using the momentum of his charging foe as a way of furthering the bodyblow. So if he had all this planned out in his head, why had he counterslashed and shot the electrical missle? He had to keep his foe enraged somehow.

[Darkarcher]

Shadow had just barely missed him the man had dodged in the nick of time.

“Damnit! This man is pretty fast” Shadow was thinking as he heard a very slight whistling coming down to his left arm, His magic arm. “Oh damn you, no you don’t.”

Shadow spun and narrowly avoided the sword as he saw several pieces of hair fall to the ground. “Man this man is good I need to calm down and fight with all my abilities just not my strength.”

He got up and saw a projectile hit the ground and explode in a thing of dust and dirt. “This man is a threat I need to focus on.”

Shadow placed his sword in front of him and thought for a few seconds. This man had been able to dodge all his attacks thus far. So he obviously had learned his enraged technique. So time to change it up a bit.

Shadow focused and started to raise an earth cage several feet away from him in each direction as he got ready to fire a few fireballs at the man. Shadow had no idea how many projectiles this man can fire but he didn’t want to find out the hard way.

“So you thought you could predict me well I think it’s time I fought with my brain not my brawn” Shadow said as he watched the walls continue to rise.

((Walls are iron strength and rise pretty quickly if your guy is fast enough he could jump out of the way.))

[Edward Judorne]

Edward ran, and barely had time to leap over the walls. Despite the fact that he had been giving advice to his opponent, he hardly expected it to be listened to. Usually his foe only became more enraged when he gave advice to them. The fact that his opponent had finally regained his cool had Edward worried. Edward knew that his opponent was most likely a stronger fighter than himself when it came right down to it. Still, there was one saving grace, earlier in the fight, Edward had managed to make one of his opponent's arms go limp.

(See post 6)

"Are you sure you have enough left in the tank to defeat me? You may have the advantage at the moment, but with only one arm, I doubt you can keep this up."

Edward prepared for his foe's next move, knowing full well that if he didn't pay attention, his opponent's next move could easily take him out.

"My suggestion would be to give it everything you've got before I find a way to take advantage of your limp arm"

[Darkarcher]

Shadow heard the man's word's but this only brought him to evil maniacal laughter.

"You must be the stupedist man in Althanas, either that or u cant think through your opponents strength and weaknesses." Shadow said as he griped his left arm with his right arm and his arm started to glow a bitch black. "My arm may be unable to move but that doesnt mean i cant some how use it."

At that exact moment he fell to his knees in incredible pain as the black around his arm subsided. He had not mastered this ability yet it was too much out of his magic area.

"FATHER!" Shadow scremaed as his world turned black and his body went completely limp.

"Shadow this is not your time nor your place to die get up and move forward. every time you stop it gives the opponent time to attack and catch up. If you have fear then your opponent will have that upper hand now let me fight 'with' you My son so we will once again be one." Shadow had heard a strange emphasise on 'with' but right now he didn't care.

"Yes, Father me and u shall become one." Shadow said as he grabbed his sword which started to glow a faint off white and his arm was able to move. "What the, why can my arm move?" Shadow asked his father as he saw several mana strings moving his arm not himself. (and anyone with an IQ over 100 could see these strings)

"You Human, COME! COME GET ME!" Shadow and his father screamed in unison as the air pressure around them grew heavier.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward looked on as the father took over. It was going to be difficult to take these two down at once unless he could force them to go berserk again. There might also be the possibility of him tricking his foe into dismissing the father.

"So, you want daddy to take care of you for the rest of your life?" Edward taunted. The only reason he knew the thing was his foe's dad was because he heard his opponent call the demonic spirit 'Father'. "You want to be his puppet? because that is what you've become."

Suddenly Edward got all serious.

"I am sorry to say this, but there is no guarantee that your father will release you after this battle is done. I have seen this kind of thing happen before, and every time the demon never releases the person they took over. Now mind you, I have never seen a situation when the demon is the victim, but I see no reason why this will be any different. If I were you, I would ask your dad of his intentions."

Edward stood his ground. His next course of action would all depend on how his foe reacted.

Um... Looks like you typed Max a few times by accident.

[Darkarcher]

"My 'Dad!' is a Demon Highlord, Human! you know NOTHING! about this." Shadow said as he started to focus his last fireball into his hand. "My Father and i are one we will never seperate never will we take over eachother. our opinions are both thought through and talked about with eachother."

'Father now this man seems to be able to think through my strategy i think i should attack with the fireball make it hit the ground for earth to spew up then rush through with my sword swinging' Shadow thought as he tossed the fireball up and down like a baseball in his hand.

'Son, that may of worked against Normal Humans but this man seems to be able to think things through. here Let me fight him for a bit.'

"Very well Father use me to kill this man!" Shadow screamed as the air around him seemed to turn black as his eyes started glowing black and he seemed to grow about a foot taller and become more muscular.

Shadow started laughing as his sword flashed a bright light and then was pitch black. he then threw the fireball as hard as he could for a few feet infront fo the man spewing earth up everywhere most likely hitting the man with dust and dirt. then Shadow lunged through the dust cloud and threw a baseball sized ball of water at the mans chest then followed through with a kick to the mans chest area.

he then stopped and stood still hoping everything had worked the way it was suppose to.

[Edward Judorne]

Things just didn't seem to be going in Edward's favor. Fighting two opponents in a row was going to be extremely tough, especially considering this one was most likely stronger. The movements still seemed a bit predictable, though.

As the fire ball flew towards him, Edward instinctively jumped backwards only to realize that the fireball wasn't meant for him. This could only mean that it was meant to be a smokescreen. Smokescreens could work both ways, though, and Edward took advantage of this fact by quickly moving as far to the left as he could without exiting the smokescreen. The other two attacks flew by him without hitting him, but Edward was too far away to counter-attack, so he braced himself for another onslaught of attacks.

[Darkarcher]

Shadow was just going as his bosy moved. his father was controlling him he had no idea what he was going to do next but he could feel his mana being sucked away everytime his father used an ability. but he trusted his Father.

the next thing even shadow wasnt expecting. He Threw his blade towards his opponent as he pushed a geyser of water out of his hand. he had know idea how he did this but it seems his father had more knowledge of the elements then he did. the geyser of water propelled the sword beyond a speed that any demon could of thrown it and the water was right at the swords hilt it was a two in one hit and the geyser was atleast 4 feet wide.

[Edward Judorne]

This was the moment Edward was waiting for. He had one spell left in his arsenal, but unless he was able to enhance it in some way, he was not going to be able to pull it off. This new development was just the type of advantage he needed, though. Edward started charging up electrical energy as the sword drew closer. He cast Tempest Tantrum just as the sword hit his chest sending the electricity through the sword, the water geyser, and straight back towards his foe. The water spell was strong and made the electricity that much stronger. The water and sword also worked to make the spell hit his foe head on since his foe had shot the magic his spell was traveling through. Edward was defeated, but he hoped to take his foe with him.

[Darkarcher]

Shadow couldn't move, his father wouldnt let him. his point of view in a fight is if u have to go down make sure u hit your opponent hard before you do. a moment before the electricity hit Shadow he took back the control of his body and tried to dodge the shot but it didn't work, it hit him dead on in his left Shoulder and sent him flying back with immense Pain as he passed out.

the last thing he remembered was thinking 'I Hope i took Him out'

((OOC: Edward dont submit yet i have a little thing we will do to make our chars friends. just post that u wake up in a room and describe it))

[Edward Judorne]

Edward woke up in the medical center. He wasn't dead, so that was a good thing. Edward looked around. The walls were grey, the beds were white, he was in 1 of 2 beds. Looking out the window, Edward could tell he was on the 3rd floor of the building. He was guessing that there were 5 floors, but it was hard to tell. In any case, it didn't matter.

Edward got up and walked towards the bed next to him. As he thought, it belonged to the person he fought. His foe seemed to be back to his old self, which was a relief.

"You doing ok, there?" Edward asked the man.

[Darkarcher]

Shadow heard a voice say "You doing ok, there?"

He Grunted and Moaned as he got up and looked at the person he just fought.

"How Are you Doing, i see i missed you." Shadow said as he noticed this man was attempting to make conversation.

He looked around the room, it was the depressing grey of stone and the beds were uncomfortable as hay, and the room seemed to be no bigger then a jail cell but it was big enough to hold two beds one window and one door.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward shook his head. "Actually, I think you did hit me. I would call the battle a draw, myself. You know, though, the abilities of the healing staff here never ceases to amaze me."

[Darkarcher]

Shadow sighed as he got up slowly assesing his wounds, and was shocked to realize he had NONE.

"You weren't kidding when u said the healing staff were good." Shadow got up and put what equipment that was beside his bed and equipped it to himself.

He opened the door as the smell of a feast wafted into the room.

[Edward Judorne]

Time to stop this run of short posts.

"I'm afraid that I have someplace I have to be soon, and I will have to leave almost instantaniously. You are a good fighter, but you seem to have your eyes on the wrong prize when you fight. You fight to win, while I fight to better myself and test myself. Win, lose, It doesn't matter to me, but unless I try my hardest, I don't feel any pride when a fight is over." Edward said as he headed out the door.

He needed to get back to his hometown before too much longer, because he couldn't be the guuardian of artifacts if he was never around to guard them. Quickly turning back to his newest friend, Edward had an Idea.

"Say, if you want to come with, I wouldn't mind. I think you might find my place quite interesting" Edward called back to shadow.
This was the only the third time Edward felt he could trust somebody with his secrets. and Edward just hoped his trust wouldn't be betrayed.

This is my closing post. As soon as you make yours, let's turn this over to the judges.

[Darkarcher]

Shadow was surprised at the man’s proposal but it was intriguing, he was going to go to another place he had never been too before.

“Why not?” Shadow said as he rolled his shoulder. “It will be something else other then fighting here non-stop. And while were at dinner’s on me when we get to your home town.”

Shadow Walked towards the door and say several other warriors sitting on the floor by the table engorging themselves full of food. This was a common thing from whence he came. Demons always ate like this. And just as they left a big grin came on Shadow’s face he was feeling at home once again.

[Breaker]

Edward Judorne vs. Darkarcher: a battle
Judgement

Well, the title of this thread pretty much summed it up. It was a battle, and not much more. Edward Judorne's scores are in blue and Darkarcher's are in red.

Story

Continuity: 2 3

Neither of you really had a reason for being there, except that you got a random letter. Darkarcher scored a little higher because he actually wondered why he had received the letter, and added that it was for a position in the Royal Guards. In the future, both of you need to work on giving your characters reasons to be battling. What led them to want to fight in the Citadel? What are they hoping to get out of it? I also found it really weird how they went to dinner at the end. Is this the start of a beautiful relationship?

Setting: 3 4

Darkarcher did a little better job of describing the setting, but it was largely ignored by both of you. Edward threw a handful of sand, but I wanted much more description and interaction. Remember to use all five senses when describing your surroundings, and point out any little details your characters might notice.

Pacing: 4 4

While the general momentum was just a battle, you guys were really all over the place. You both went from all-out attacks to calm conversations. Try to build tension by having your characters strive towards various goals, and then release it when they succeed or fail.

Character

Dialogue: 4 4

I found both characters talked way too much. As I mentioned in pacing, it seemed like you would attack, dodge, stand still talking for awhile. If your character needs to say something, have them do it on the run. Describe body language, and keep what they say concise and relevant. Most of the dialogue was so cliched it seemed like you were just writing the words so that the dialogue would exist.

Action: 4 2

Saying you slashed at your opponent, or fired a projectile at them just isn't enough. At the very least I need to know which part of them you aimed for. Preferably, I'd like to see descriptions of how the sword whistled through the air, how the lightning crackled, how the pain lanced through his arm. Darkarcher, you need to be careful not to Powergame. Your use of the earth spell seemed much stronger than it was described in your profile, and the bit with Shadow's father came out of nowhere. Remember to only use abilities that have been approved in your profile. I'd suggest that both of you read some battles by more experienced RPers to get a feel how action should be written.

Persona: 4 3

Both of your characters were really all over the place. Edward did a good job of portraying the fact that he uses tact to win rather than brawn, but other than that both of you samed to change drastically from one post to the next. And the bit at the end just didn't make sense. Why would Edward intvite Shadow to come home with him, and even more so, why would Shadow accept? The "I've got nothing better to do" excuse doesn't apply here; you're not picking up chicks at a club.

Writing Style

Technique: 3 4

There really wasn't much here, at all. Darkarcher gets the edge for the few metaphors he threw in at the end but otherwise... it was just straight, flat description for the most part. Literary devices such as allusion and foreshadowing can be tough to fit into battles, but there's plenty of room for metaphors, simile, and personnification. Using these will not only make your writing read better, it will truly bring it to life.

Mechanics: 5 3

Edward, most of your errors could be avoided by a little more intensive proofread and spellchecking. Darkarcher... oi. One exclamation point is plenty, and even then they should be used sparingly!!!!! <-- see what I mean? You need to watch out for things like "u" instead of "you", after all, this is RP, not AIM. Also, avoid WRITING IN ALL CAPS, even if your character is shouting. Using bold, or a single exlamation point, will get that across just as well without throwing the reader off.

Clarity: 5 4

On more than one occasion I lost track of what was going on, and Darkarcher's flashbacks really threw me. You can amend this by describing things more. Don't just say that you dodged, explain how.

Wild Card: 4 4

Total: 38 35

Edward Judorne is the Winner!

This seems like it may have been one of the first threads either of you wrote, so I congratulate you for your efforts. I encourage both of you to read battles by more experienced writers (Shameless plug: there's a few good ones in my sig) because it will really help you realize what your writing is lacking. Another thing you can try is actually battling a more experienced member. If you're interested in that, check out the Dajas Pagoda. Writing against someone of a higher caliber is one of the best ways to improve.

EXP and GP Rewards

Edward Judorne receives 675 EXP and 450 GP!
Darkarcher receives 225 EXP and 150 GP!

Other Rewards

Edward Judorne receives a Magical Monk-Made pill that, when consumed with an alcoholic beverage, may cause the drinker to get sleepy.

Darkarcher receives a Radasanthian Rape Horn, made from tin and leather. However, when he squeezes it it actually sounds more like a bike horn.

[Witchblade]

EXP and GP added!