The hunt. (Closed to Izvilvin)

[Camella]

Camella wandered aimlessly. She had almost no money and her job was going nowhere. She had wandered through town after town without learning of any bounties. She finally came to rest in an inn in the town of Scara Brae.

"Dang, the job market is slow today" She remarked to noone in particular as she peered out the window.

Suddenly she saw it. Straight ahead of her was a bounty posting bureau.

As she headed in, she looked around. As far as she could tell, all the bounties had been taken, with one exception.

"Hey, I will take on this Izvilvin bounty case, Mister."

"Ah, good choice. I will warn you, though. he's a slippery one. Word on the street is he was last seen around fallien."

The man said, handing her a picture

So, Camella left for fallien and started asking around for info regarding the drow.

[Izvilvin]

Indeed the dark elf had made Fallien his home in these recent weeks. The desert sun was hot, but he had gotten as used to it as was possible. This land was unlike both Corone and Scara Brae in so many ways. Izvilvin didn't carry stigma with him here, nobody looked at him and thought he was evil, nobody feared him based on his appearance. It was pleasant to live within Jya's Keep, and he was always busy.

Yet his mind often drifted back to Scara Brae, the first place he'd seen outside of Alerar. The land was beautiful and green, the culture so very different than anything he'd ever known. He had met Khalxaen there, and in truth, he missed her. Izvilvin wanted to see her again, to give her a hug and whisk her here to Fallien, where he could show her his new home and his new hobbies.

Rarely did he think of the men he had killed there, and when he did, it was not for long. It was for his own survival, after all. The Scara Brae guards had captured him and put him in prison, but Khalxaen and two Step agents had freed him. He would never forget their help.

The sun was high in the desert sky, promising the hottest of days. Fallien rarely provided anything else, but Izvilvin didn't mind. Today he was to go to Suravani's Oasis to check on the goings-on, namely to see how the city had recovered from the poison toxin put into their water by the harpies.

He dressed light, and with a canteen of cold water at his belt, set out into the sand. He went on foot, not comfortable with the horses offered. Besides, he could use a good walk.

[Camella]

Camella walked through the town asking everyone she could about Izvilvin. not many people seemed to know him, at least not at first.

Just as she was about to give up, an odd-looking man pulled her aside. He was wearing a torn t-shirt and torn jeans.

"Hey kiddo, have you heard the rumors? It seems a drow has gotten a job in Jya's keep."

Camella looked at him, stunned. "No, I hadn't heard that."

Camella left for Jya's keep only to find that the guards wouldn't let her in.

"Sorry miss. We can't let you through. The safety of Jya and her priestesses is our main concern."

Camella looked at the soldier and calmly left.

After getting out of sight, Camella went invisible and snuck in.

After asking a random person inside the keep, she found out two things:

1: Izvilvin was the drow she had heard about.

2: She had just missed him.

After sneaking out the same way she snuck in, she walked back up to the guards.

"I really need to speak with Izvilvin. If I can't get in, would you mind getting him out here?"

The guards looked at each other before one of them finally spoke up.

"I would, but he just left here. I don't know where he went, but it looked like he was in for a long hike"

Camella looked down to discover footprints heading out of town. without saying a word, she followed them.

[Izvilvin]

The intrepid Drow made his way across the desert in his typical way. Methodically, his feet followed each other, and each step in the sand was hardly noticed. He was zoned out and trying not to focus on anything but the direction he was going. If he paid too much attention to the head, it was likely it would get to him, and Izvilvin aspired to become used to the burning desert. It was an admirable goal, but a near-unreachable one.

Sweat gleamed on the black forehead of the warrior, dripping down into his eyes and over his nose. He wiped it quickly, for the tickling sensation of a single droplet of sweat was enough to tear him from his silent meditation, even when the uncomfortable heat was not. Breaking back into reality reminded him just how hot he was, so he screwed the top of his canteen off and took a deep swallow of the cool water within.

In some time, he found himself at Suravani's Oasis, where the guards greeted him happily. Since his adventure with Rheawien, when the two had saved the entire city from death, nobody seemed to care that he was a Drow. He was welcome in the city, and had many acquaintances. The only strange part was that he couldn't speak their language. But he understood how the people felt.

Izvilvin wasted no time in entering the main building, where the only man who spoke Drow lived. He was the ambassador, he figured. "Hail," called Izvilvin as he entered. Only a little while ago, this building had been filled with rows and rows of sick people. It brightened his heart to see the place filled with only the healthy again.

The man turned and smiled. He was a tall, grey-haired human who wore a mustache better than anyone Izvilvin had ever met. "Hello, Izvilvin!" The man commanded the Drow language better than most people who were not native. "What have you come for?"

"Just to check and see how things are. How did the antidote work?"

"Just fine," responded the man, obviously taking joy in relaying the good news. "Everyone recovered, except those who died. I really don't have much to give you in way of information, sorry. Don't let the trip be for nothing though. Stick around and enjoy Suravani's Oasis when it's not so crestfallen."

Izvilvin nodded. It sounded like a good idea, and he'd do it.

The Drow made his way out of the building and back into the blistering sun. The river, previously poisoned, had always seemed inviting to him. Anxious, he half-ran over to the edge of the water and dipped his hands in, kneeling low to peer at himself in the reflection. He splashed some of the cool aqua into his face and loved the feeling.

[Camella]

Camella was appropriately dressed for the long trek, and her speed made life easier still, but when she arrived at Suravani's Oasis she was still hot as heck. So hot, in fact, that she went to bathe in the same water that her bounty was splashing himself. She started relaxing in the water for a while before remembering her mission.

Suddenly she sat straight up and realized that her picture of Izvilvin was missing. She looked around for it frantically, but without any luck.

Sure, she had burned his image into her mind, but if someone saw the picture, they might realize why she was looking for him.

[Izvilvin]

The water made him feel better, more alive. He was suddenly filled with vigor. Fallien was his new home, and he was enjoying it greatly. He loved the warmth, he loved the people, and he loved the few people he had come to know. Of course, Izvilvin's friendships were often more shallow than he would have preferred, due to the language barrier. Try as he might, he could not bring himself to learn common. Not because he didn't want to, but because it was far too difficult. Though it was a basic language, the difference between common and drow was prominent. Pronunciation was different entirely.

All the same, his friendship with the Jya was a great part of his life. She spoke his language, and they often engaged in discussion. The talks went well for the Drow, who often wanted to talk about things with someone who could understand.

He was not the only one in the water on this hot Fallien afternoon. There were children with parents, adults who simply could not combat the heat any other way, and a few travelers. This was likely Suravani's largest draw, for few places in Fallien had such a refreshing retreat from the burning sun.

His eyes drifted dreamily over the water from his perch in the grass. He did not want to go in the water, knowing he wouldn't be able to relax for long, but just being near it and occasionally splashing it onto his face made him feel better. He spotted a woman nearby, even made eye contact, but his lavender eyes did not linger for long. Women in Suravani's Oasis always reminded him of Rheawien, lately, and she was one person he simply did not want to think of.

Nearby, a man walked along the road, a sandy ground with patches of weeds sprouting from all about. On either side of him were rows of dusky houses, made of dark wood that was supposed to keep the insides cool. His eyes were set on the ground, and the big man was mumbling to himself. Suddenly, he passed a photo.

The man bent and plucked it up, taking a close look at it. He laughed. The man in the photo was easy to recall, for he and a woman by the name of Rheawien had saved this town. Of course, this man had met this now-famous Drow earlier, when he had showed up with an antidote to the poison that had gripped the town. The shitty little elf had come one day too late for the human to save his children, who had died the previous night. Everyone who lived past that day was alive now, playing in the water, tending the horses, or just carrying on.

He, though, was destroyed. His family was dead. He wished he hadn't snatched the antidote from the Drow on the fateful day and gulped down half of it, because now he was alive to endure the pain of losing his life. He held bitter hatred for the elf, who had arrived just a day late...

Scratching his chin, the man observed the photo. He knew what it was for: a bounty. He'd done his fair share of this kind of work in the past, but those days were long gone. Was someone here to claim bounty on that bastard drow's head!?

Even more ridiculous, was that him in the distance? This was too easy.

The man ran with as much speed as his bulky frame could build, screaming the whole way. "There he is!" He cried. "There's the guy! The drow, he's right here by the water!"

Izvilvin turned to observe the man as he pointed and yelled, not understanding what he was saying. He rose, though, as the human showed no sign of stopping. The Drow avoided drawing his weapons, not wanting to seriously hurt the man as he approached, but he did duck and pull upward, flipping the man over his shoulder and into the water.

What had be been screaming about? Izvilvin looked around in suspicion, his white hair flowing in the wind as his head darted about. He'd saved this town, so why did the man charge him?

[Camella]

Camella looked around, confused as a man started yelling. She watched as the man charged at the person she now recognised as Izvilvin. She watched as Izvilvin flipped him into the water, but the reason behind these actions was not made clear to her until she saw the picture she was looking for fly out of the man's hands. Mind you, she wasn't able to see what was on the photograph, but she knew that the photograph had to be the one she had dropped.

She walked slowly towards the man's body as to not arouse too much suspicion. It seemed to her that since she was dripping wet at the moment and therefore her camouflage would be pointless, the best way to get near her target was to use this man's misfortune to her advantage.

Camella looked down at the photo pretending it was the first time she had seen it.

"Hey!!! What are you doing? Don't you know that it is illegal to stalk people?" Camella yelled at him sternly. "If you don't want me to kill you right now, I suggest that you leave."

The man noticed the weapons at her waist, but still refused to leave.

Camella was now close enough to make an attempt on Izvilvin's life, but she still had to get her knives out without arousing suspicion. Thankfully, she had a plan for that too.

She pulled her knives on the man and spoke again.

"Don't think I won't do it." Camella said. and just to prove her point, she slashed the man across the chest, letting his blood flow into the water before she mouthed the words "My bounty, not yours."

Camella then turned around quickly and attempted to slash Izvilvin in the leg, hoping that he hadn't moved from the last place she had seen him.

[Izvilvin]

((Nice.))

It was all so odd, but it appeared to be an isolated incident. Perhaps the human was bitter with him, or was just driven mad by the heat. Perhaps, as absurd as the notion was, the man was simply trying to tackle him into the water. Only Izvilvin's innocent mind could think it was something so harmless. That lack of care cost him in the end. Or maybe it was the fact that he'd let his confusion distract him.

At any rate, Camella's blade slashed effortlessly into him, hamstringing the unaware Drow as he pondered. He nearly buckled, but fought the pain, using his good leg to dive forward and roll in the sand, turning on one knee to face the woman. She held a bloody knife, dripping his blood into the grain. He was growling, like a primal animal, but allowed his eyes to drift under her to where the man had fallen. Blood had stained the water, and the onlookers were running in fright. There had been children there to witness the attack, but they were quickly pulled off by their parents.

Realizing that Camella had slain the human and then turned to strike at him, Izvilvin had to fight the urge to draw his sai and fight. In his mind, he realized that fighting some unknown woman in the streets of Suravani's Oasis was not a great idea, especially now that he'd been injured.

And yet... He could not run. At least, not as fast as he'd need to in order to escape. The woman had gotten the drop on him.

Instead, Izvilvin hobbled awkwardly to the building next to him, the stable. Thankfully, it was right next to the water. He'd need to steal, but didn't really see another option if he wanted to lead this woman away from the town. Drawing a sai, the Drow slashed the rope from a horse and pulled himself onto it, using only his arm strength to swing his good leg over.

He slapped the horse's rear and it was off, pounding hard against the firm sand as Izvilvin rode out the front gate of the town. Whatever the woman's intentions, she was clearly after him, and Suravani's Oasis did not need her around to cause more trouble.

[Camella]

Camella got up and started to rush at Izvilvin as he hobbled towards the stable. She was determined to take him out before he got too far, but as she began to run, the man she had slashed grabbed her leg.

"I'm sorry, but you aren't going anywhere, at least not after what you did to me, BITCH!!!!" The man said weakly.

"Never keep ME from MY bounty, you punk!!!" Camella yelled at the man as she slashed his hand off. "I am in desperate need of money and NOBODY is going to stand in my way!!!"

Camella then slashed the man in the neck to make sure there was no further distraction, but by then Izvilvin was on his way.

Camella rushed after him at top speed, but could not catch him. As a last resort, she attempted to throw a knife straight at the horse's rear hoping to get the horse to buck him off or slow down, she didn't care which.

[Izvilvin]

If any good had come from the day's events in Suravani's Oasis, it was that the man no longer had to mourn the loss of his family. Camella's blade was an end to his anguish. Perhaps in the next life, he would even meet his children again.

Izvilvin knew nothing about the human, but even if he did he would not have had that insight. He was too focused on keeping his horse balanced as it bolted along the road, kicking up sand and the ocassional weed. It was by luck alone that the knife Camella threw struck the back of the saddle, missing both animal and man and deflecting harmlessly into the sand by the city's entrance.

The Drow turned in his seat, watching the city grow farther and farther away as his horse tore across the desert like an arrow. What just happened? Was that woman an agent of Step, the organization Izvilvin had been working for ever since fleeing Alerar? If so, at least he could understand what was happening. He hadn't left Step, but his priorities had shifted to supporting the region of Fallien, under the Jya. Perhaps they wanted to do away with him before he gained too much noteriety.

Turning back to look ahead, and direct his horse away from Jya's Keep and Suravani, Izvilvin wondered how credible that theory was. It wasn't like Step to send someone to kill him in such a public place, and yet it was a perfect strategy because Izvilvin was both loved and hated in the city. Maybe they thought the inhabitants would kill the assassin after her work was done, making for a clean sweep.

Whatever it was, Izvilvin had to tend to his leg. If it remained unattended, it'd either get infected by sand or the bleeding would weaken him. Depending on how determined his assassin was, neither result was something he could afford to let happen. It took some effort, but the Drow was able to tie a portion of his shirt around the wound, after ripping the piece of clothing apart completely.

Now shirtless, Izvilvin focused on keeping an eye out. He didn't know how to ride a horse very well, so he had to make sure that the woman didn't catch up to him. He wasn't sure just how he should feel or where he should go, but as long as his eyes were moving, he felt confident.

[Camella]

Camella continued to chase after him. When she passed her knife, she picked it up without even slowing down, unfortunately not even at her top speed could she catch a horse. After picking up her knife, she turned around and went back into the town of Suravani's Oasis. She quickly cut a horse free and hopped onto it.

She followed the hoofprints left behind by Izvilvin's horse for 11 miles before she could finally see Izvilvin.

After about 9 more miles she had almost caught up with Izvilvin, but as she neared him, her horse started to slow down. Realizing this she tossed both of her knives, one at each of Izvilvin's horse's back legs. She knew that if either one of them hit, she would no longer have to worry about him getting away.

Of course, because she threw both her daggers, that meant that she was unarmed.

But she quickly grabbed her weapons up again.

"Stop running, Izvilvin Di'Lolth!!! Stop running and let me kill you."

[Izvilvin]

The desert was an infinite ocean before him, a flat canvas to run across until the woman had been left behind completely. But there was no way to hide the horse's tracks, no matter how determined he was. Soon, when Izvilvin looked back, he could see the woman on her relentless pursuit. The Drow sneered, but did not spur his horse on. He could fight her when she caught up, but until then, he would be trying to wait it out until nightfall, where the black skinned warrior would have an advantage.

Time passed, and finally Camella got into range to throw a pair of weapons. One hit, bringing a loud, pained noise from his steed, which began to buck. Izvilvin held on tightly, trying to balance, but eventually he needed to let go, managing to land on his feet while his horse fell to the sand, a dagger in one of its rear thighs. He almost buckled under his injured leg, but was able to stay up.

The nimble Drow snatched the weapon out of the dead beast, wiping it and placing it in his belt. The less weapons the woman had, the better. She grabbed her other dagger as she descended to face him.

"Biu trisil d' Unboi, ph' dos? Usstan orn naut izin dos ulu elgg uns'aa ghil," he said, not quite caring whether or not she understood him. He had steam to get out, and these words were spat through clenched teeth. "Y'sik, Dorn elgg dos whol vaklesh l' i'nik d' Fallien xuil vassnti vlos!"

She had stained the sand of Fallien with innocent blood. For that, he wouldn't be forgiving her anytime soon. Izvilvin pulled a sai for each hand from his belt, turned them effortlessly in his dextrous hands, and crouched into a defensive stance while he favored his leg. An expert warrior, he would be no easy foe to overcome.

The Drow fully intended to leave this human dead in the desert for the scorpions.

[Camella]

It never even occured to camella that Izvilvin didn't speak her language until just now. She looked at him with a bit of pity as she began to realize that he had no idea what was going on, but soon the thought of money brought her back to her senses.

If she were to win this fight, she would need to pull out her trump card right from the get-go.

Camella turned invisible and rushed towards Izvilvin's horse. She jumped at the last second and bounded off of it in an attempt to slash at Izvilvan's uninjured leg. She didn't really want to kill him anymore, but if she left him 20 miles from the nearest town with two injured legs, chances were that he would not survive.

After her attack, Camella planned on grabbing her dagger back from the man. If she succeeded in injuring the man's other leg, she would get back on her horse and come back in a day or so to drag the dying body back for the reward. If not, she would be forced to fight the man to the death.

Oh well, she figured. That's life.

[Izvilvin]

Camella's shift to invisibility set Izvilvin back. It was an unexpected move, considering that so few people in the world had such an ability, but the Drow was witty enough to watch the sand. Where her feet went, the sand was pressed down, and so watching her movement was not quite as difficult as she might have hoped.

When her feet disappeared, the woman had jumped, after all, Izvilvin did the only practical thing he could do, and leapt aside. The nimble Drow rolled in the sand, keeping to his shoulders and getting back onto his feet as quickly as possible. Needless to say, Camella never got close enough to snatch her dagger back.

All the same, she was invisible, at least for the time being, and the warrior's dive had made it difficult to keep track of where she was. A wind blew through the area, blowing sand in front of Izvilvin's eyes. This barren battlefield was alit with the white-hot sun. If nothing else, it was a fitting place for one of them to fall.

But he couldn't see her for the moment. The Drow had an idea of which direction she was in, so with sai in hand he knelt down, keeping ready. Blood dripped from his wound and stained the sand. It was growing more and more uncomfortable, but Izvilvin's mind was elsewhere.

[Camella]

Camella still wasn't used to her non-human form and thusly was unable to stay invisible for very long, but that didn't stop her from staying hidden. As she became visible once more, she went as white as the desert sun and ran to the same side of Izvilvin as the sun was on. In this way, Izvilvin would have to squint into the desert sun in order to see her. Needless to say that that would be hard on his eyes. Next, she picked some sand up and attempted to toss it in his eyes. She needed her other weapon back if she was to stand a chance of defeating this man, but in order to do this, she had to blind him first. After that she would make a second attempt at getting her weapon back.

[Izvilvin]

As much as Camella was trying to gain an advantage over him, Izvilvin was so focused that even invisiblity had not helped her. Even turning as white as the sun and using it to her advantage, Camella's form was fairly easy to distinguish. After all, Izvilvin had spent the last two months of his life in this pasty desert, outside on various missions from Jya.

Despite these things, the Drow was unable to stop her from throwing a fistful of grainy sand into his face. Reflexively his eyes blinked, but that didn't stop the sharp particles of rock from effectively blinding him. The warrior felt the woman's hand pluck her dagger back, so he slashed forward blindly, simply to drive her away before she could strike.

He roared something in the drow language, the words losing their melody and smoothness against the sheer anger that fueled them. The sharp words cut through the air, and though Camella likely did not understand them, their meaning was easy to hold. Such fury in Izvilvin's speech always meant that he was willing to kill the person before him.

Izvilvin blinked repeatedly until he could see well once more, just in time to see Camella before him.

Bringing his sai in front of him, the Drow once again took a defensive stance and prepared himself, determined not to get caught off guard yet again. Camella could only have so many tricks, he knew, and once they ran out, his pure skill would bring him through. It always did.

[Camella]

Camella truly was running low on ideas, she was almost ready to give up her tricks, until, that is, she remembered about his leg. He seemed to be doing a good job at ignoring the pain from it, but Camella was determined to put a stop to that, no matter what the cost. She immediately put her plan in motion. She started by slashing at both his chest and his hip at exactly the same time. With any luck, he would block both slashes. If not, she would keep slashing until both her knives were blocked. It may seem weird that she was hoping to be blocked, but her plan was simple: When both her daggers were blocked, She planned on kicking his injured leg, since it would be unguarded at that point. She was pretty sure that if she kicked hard enough, he would go down.

[Izvilvin]

Camella came at him again, relentless in her assault. Izvilvin, gleaming with sweat and panting rapidly, parried both strikes with little effort, blocking both strikes independently and readying a counter at the same moment. Unfortunately, the woman's attack was not done. Her heavy foot caught the inside of his knee, knocking the limb out from under the Drow as he cried out.

The warrior let loose a primal scream, fighting off the pain and the need to fall. His foot came back to the sand and buckled, but came up strong again, refusing to surrender. On his good leg, Izvilvin pushed forward, slashing once at Camella's neck with his right sai, once at her chest with his left, and again with his right toward her side, in a downward series of blows.

When his bad leg came down from the rush, it finally gave way. Izvilvin struggled and was able to land on his knee, not quite falling all the way. The sand was hot, almost painfully so, but it was nothing compared to the throb and pulse of the gash. He could feel warm blood seeping out yet again.

He cursed himself. He cursed himself twice. If he hadn't let her wound him back in Suravani's Oasis, this would be a much different fight.

"Stop!" He demanded, using one of the few words that he knew how to say in the common tongue. His command of the language was weak, but this word slid out of his mouth fluidly, in a musical tone that held more than a hint of anger.

The sun beamed from behind Camella. He could only see her silhouette. Izvilvin still had his sai in front of him, ready to defend should she press her attack while he was still down. He couldn't provide a reason for her to stop, of course, at least not in her language.

He only hoped for a moment's respite, so he could regain some lost stamina. If he allowed his instincts to completely overcome him, perhaps he could last long enough to injure her and take her horse.

[Camella]

Camella was almost caught somewhat offguard by the three counterslashes by Izvilvin. Sure, the last two slashes missed, but the first slash grazed her cheek. She held her cheek in disbelief, but when she realized that she was actually bleeding, she rushed at him in anger.

Camella started attacking his leg relentlessly as soon as he fell to his knees.

"Stop!" she suddenly heard him say as if begging for his life.

Camella pressed her attack on his leg for a little longer while considering this option. Finally, she attempted to grab him and drag him back for the bounty.

"You're probably worth more alive than dead, anyway!"

[Izvilvin]

Camella showed no signs of stopping, and Izvilvin was getting desperate. She bolted at him, her blades hungry for blood, and it was then that the Drow pulled himself up. The woman came at him with a flurry of strikes toward his leg, but the quick, dexterous hands of the warrior parried every attack.

He quickly pushed her back a step, then kicked up his uninjured leg to spray a sea of sand up toward her face, in an attempt to blind her.

With this momentary chance to change his fate, Izvilvin turned from Camella and bolted to her horse, mounting it with a painful, but determined leap. He directed the mount to turn and begin running, effectively leaving Camella behind. He looked back toward her, among the flying sands that the horse's hind legs kicked up. She would be able to get back to town, he realized, for she wasn't wounded. With that in mind, Izvilvin headed toward Jya's Keep, thankful that he knew the desert as well as he did.

Still, he was unsure of who the woman was. Step wouldn't have sent someone after him, would they? This was an option he'd already considered, yes, but Izvilvin had not exposed their secret or broken ties with them. Perhaps Witchblade's probing of his mind was the key, and she had revealed the organization. Yet she did not seem interested whatsoever in Step when she had learned of them.

So was Camella merely an assassin? Or a rogue who hunted him for her own reasons?

Time would tell, though Izvilvin honestly wished it would not.

[Camella]

Camella couldn't believe it. All at once, everything went wrong. Her attacks towards the drow had all been way too predictable, all focusing on the leg, and because of that, they were all blocked. They were blocked so easily, in fact, that Izvilvin had made it to his feet and blinded her with the same dirty trick she had used to blind him earlier.

Camella used the one universal language she knew and held up her middle finger in what she hoped was the correct direction. When she finally got her sight back, she looked around and quickly realized that Izvilvin had made his escape. Camella followed the hoofprints on foot, determined not to lose her bounty, but she knew she had a long journey ahead of her. Izvilvin may have won this round, but that only made Camella all the more determined to win the next.

[Izvilvin]

Izvilvin's eyes were struggling to remain open as he rode into Irrakam, using a small ferry reserved for those of importance in the Keep. He was greeted by three soldiers, who rushed to meet the obviously-wounded Drow. They babbled some things he could not understand, likely talking to each other, then pulled him from the mount desptie some resistance. His leg was swollen and numb, and he needed to be support by a man on each side of him, as the third rushed forward to open the gate.

The greatest part of the Keep, at least on this day, was that within it lived some of the most skilled healers in all of Althanas. Izvilvin supposed that for someone like the Jya, incredible doctors were both necessary and easy to come by. He was laid on a bed in the downstairs infirmary, among scores of white beds and fluffy pillows. It was cool, but after the heat of the desert it was like heaven.

The warrior was tended to and eventually healed, but needed to walk with a thick layer of bandages about his hamstring. It was a hinderance, but Izvilvin could deal with it.

What was difficult, however, was the constant wonder that plagued his mind. He'd never been the target of an assassin before, and understandably, he didn't enjoy it very much. Step was a horrible organization to be at arms with, he knew, and he needed to know if it was them who were striking at him.

Until his leg healed, however, Izvilvin would need to stay in the Keep. The wait was unbearable.

[Letho]

GENERAL NOTES: First off, even though this entire thread seemed like a battle with some extra intro, I’ll judge it as a quest mostly because neither of you specified what it really was and how you wanted it judged. I won’t bullshit you though; this thread was nothing spectacular and I found it severely lacking in several departments, which will naturally reflect in the scores. It was a rather cliché idea that could’ve become more, but ultimately turned out to be just another face-off. I got a feeling that both of you just wanted to relax in this thread and do something simple and fun, and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, there are more inventive ways to do a bounty hunt. Onto the scores...


INTRODUCTION – 4

Camella, I got very little info from your intro. What you basically said in your first post that Camella was a bounty hunter and that she picked up Izvilvin’s bounty. There was no explanation why she was in Scara Brae in the first place, how she felt about having to go all the way to Fallien to hunt her bounty, why was she in the bounty business in the first place. Always try to present the basic facets of your character in the first posts and her reasons for participating in the story that was to be told. Izvilvin’s intro gave me a bit more insight in what his character was doing in Fallien in the first place (though rather vaguely; what does he do for Jya?), where he was going and why. It was nice to give some background info as well, but you need to be watchful about letting it overshadow the current info. In your first post I learned more about Izvilvin’s Scara Brae adventures then the actual work he is doing in Fallien.

SETTING – 3

Perhaps I’m a bit too strict and demanding and even nitpicky when it comes to the setting, but there were mistakes here that really stabbed at my eyes. I’ll start with the most obvious ones. Jya’s Keep is a part of Irrakam which is, according to the map, on an island in the river on the central-south part of the continent. Suravani’s Oasis is in central-north part of Fallien. To ride from one place to the other would take days, to walk would probably take weeks. Yet, you two traversed that distance as if it’s just around the corner. Then there’s the xenophobia of the locals. It is well known that Fallien folk are suspicious of all foreigners, and even if Izvilvin was in service of Jya, I doubt everybody would accept them as one of their own. In the Oasis maybe, but not in the Keep.

I’ll just mention the other mistakes. All Fallien grownups are trained to fight, so some should’ve jumped in to stop Camella from fighting. Suravani’s horses are their treasure; I doubt they would leave the stables widely open and unguarded. Maneuvering through the sand is difficult, horseback or not. From what I gathered, Izvilvin ran away randomly into the desert, not following a road, and sand in such environments is soft and definitely not a good surface to make a horse gallop. The heat was mentioned and ever somewhat rped (mostly by Izvilvin), but you didn’t do it justice. With black skin, Izvilvin better wear some light colors or he’d be one fried drow within an hour, regardless of how well he is trained.

I think you both get the message. Maybe it’s just me, but these details make a difference between good and bad writing. It’s not just describing the environment, but truly being a part of it. Camella, you should really try to incorporate more descriptions of the setting in your writing. In most of your posts I never got a clear idea what was going on around you and I had to use a lot of assumptions while imagining the environment. Izvilvin, you need to work on your setting as well. Granted, once the two of you were in the middle of nowhere, there wasn’t much to describe, but for a majestic place that the Keep is, it felt rather bland to me. Oasis was done a bit better, but your stay there was short so there wasn’t time to elaborate on it.

STRATEGY – 6

For a random fight, this was done fairly well. The fact that Izvilvin put a tail between his legs and ran instead of insisting on the fight in the Oasis was certainly a believable option given the fact that he was injured. Although, if somebody hamstrings you (i.e. cuts the tendons of your leg), I assure you that you would barely be able to stand. Camella did a good job as well, trying to utilize the injury and attacking the wounded leg. The trick with the sand is as old as the sand itself, I guess, so I would be surprised if it wasn’t a part of the fight. The reason I didn’t score this higher was because there were better ways to do this. Example: Izvilvin is attacked by the man. Camella jumps in as she did, cuts the man down and then play it friendly with Izvilvin, asking him if he was ok. Once close enough, she stabs him in the face. She could even go as far to seduce him since I doubt he’s getting any since Rheawien. ;)

WRITING STYLE – 5

Camella, you really need to flesh out your writing. Elaborate on what goes around your character, on what goes on within your character’s head, thought, sounds, smells, peculiar sights, little tidbits of info that every real place has. Brevity is ok, but when you take it too far, it turns into lack of information that in turn leaves the reader pondering on a whole lot of things. Take your time, close your eyes, imagine yourself in Camella’s shoes and describe what you see in your mind’s eye. I assure you that if you do that, you will have less once sentence paragraphs that make your posts choppy and you’ll give a clearer picture to the reader. Be watchful for typos though. Oftentimes you fail to capitalize letters or just misspell words, and though your sentence structure is usually pretty good, your sentences are mostly short which leaves little room for mistakes there, but turns your writing even more choppy.

Izvilvin did a decent job here, I would daresay the usual Cyrus writing; nothing wrong with it, but doesn’t really excel in anything in specific. I didn’t feel that you were fully in this quest though. It seemed to me that it lacked the flair somehow, as if on occasions you weren’t trying hard enough to breathe the life into your posts. Try experimenting with your writing a little bit. Sometimes a simple metaphor will describe something much better then a sentence packed with adjectives.

RISING ACTION – 4

There was little actual progress and action build up here. You both started off on separate sides, met by the river and then just started to fight. The tension of the battle was almost non-existent. Both of you are fighting for your lives, and yet I didn’t get that feeling from your characters. You just fought and that was it. Work on giving a meaning to what you do and how it reflects on your character. Put in some emotions that would describe how desperate the attacks are, how wrathful your characters become, how gradually you lose strength due to loss of blood. These are just some examples that would give spice to your writing and keep the reader at the edge of their seat, devouring the words just to see what happens next.

CLIMAX – 4

Again, very weak. I always stick to the simple rule; if I struggle to find where the climax actually happened, then it probably wasn’t done right. I would say that it happened when Izvilvin shouted “Stop!” and then decided to flee once again, but that’s a rather weak climax on his behalf. With Camella I basically didn’t even feel that there was one. She fought, Izvilvin got away and she gave him the finger. And that was it. Climax was supposed to be the gist of what the story was about, the pinnacle of emotions and thoughts and everything involved. Here there was hardly any. Try to make climaxes more intriguing, making it more personal and more interesting then just throwing sand into someone’s eyes and running away.

DIALOGUE – 5

It was pretty average, that’s the best way I can describe it. I was mostly just menial exchange with the NPCs but given Izvilvin’s language barrier, there could hardly be any decent exchange in the actual fight. I would’ve liked if all Izvilvin’s dialogue was done in drow for consistency sakes, but that’s just nitpicking. On the other had, what was said in drow was done well. At first I thought of making a remark that there was no translation, but then I realized that the explanation given in the narration was perhaps a better way to translate what he meant then just adding a word-to-word translation at the end of the post. Camella, you should put some more character in your dialogues. I felt that most of the NPCs you introduced were like one and the same type of guard that just said words with no personality behind it. This makes the dialogue unbelievable and that is never a good thing. Try adding some hand gestures, some idioms in the voices, some specifics that would differentiate one speaker from the next.

CHARACTER – 4

I’m not too thrilled about the way you portrayed of characters. The best and probably only real description of any character was from Izvilvin’s first two posts. After that it seemed to go downhill. Camella, I learned nothing of your character here. How does she feel being a bounty hunter? How is she feeling about being in a hostile unknown country? What does it mean to her to kill a man? Her thoughts, her emotions, her actions, they all remained unknown to me. Try to make Camella more realistic, try thinking how you would feel if you were her. Also, both of you have to keep in mind that Character reflects the character of NPCs as well and in this quest they were just puppets. Aside from the man that attacked Izvilvin, neither of them really differentiated himself from the other. Just because they don’t play a major role doesn’t mean that they should be run-off-the-mill people that all look, talk and feel like twins.

CONCLUSION – 3

Was there really one? I didn’t exactly feel it. The battle ended and with it the story ended as well, with little or no explanation on what it was all about. Nothing was really resolved, few things were explained and the more I think about it, the more it feels like this wasn’t supposed to end like this. If you proceeded with the story, maybe continue the battle back in Irrakam and get really personal before throwing in the towel, it would enable a more satisfying conclusion. This way it was just a little rumble in the desert that meant little to both of you.

WILD CARD – 6

I probably come off as overly critical, but that’s just the way I operate. This wasn’t a bad quest. You just needed to put a bit more effort in it and give it more sense and pay more attention to details. I hope the enmity between the two continues in another thread.


TOTAL SCORE – 44

Congratulations!


REWARDS:

Camella receives 450 EXP, 100 GP and -3 reputation points in Fallien (because of the murder of the local and stealing of horses)

Izvilvin receives 950 EXP, 100 GP and 0 reputation points (the fact that he was checking out the wellbeing of the locals is nullified by the fact that he stole a horse)

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added!