Requesting feedback on first solo quest

[SirArtemis]

Hey all!

So I recently submitted my first solo quest for judgement, and I also wanted to see what others thought. From what I read, you are rewarded for helping me!

http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=20608

that's the link to the instructions and rewards for helping.

Anyways, if you could please go to my signature and read "A Cold Coincidence: Part I" and give me some feedback, it'd be much appreciated. It was my first work. If you don't want to follow and rubric and just give overall feedback, that's also much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

[Enigmatic Immortal]

You should have submitted the thread for judging and put it in the writer's workshop, that way everyone get's the opportunity to do just that. PM one of the mods and they can make all these dreams come true. :D

On a side note, my advice is the colors, while unique to your character's writing style, shouldn't be used so often in my humble opinion. It's really distracting, but if this is something you insist on, more power to you!

[SirArtemis]

mmm I've heard the colors are problematic, especially given the various themes that people use for the forum itself. I've decided not to use them again. However, I've left them for this particular one, since it is missing references to who is saying what, and simply uses colors to make that distinction.

I'll message a mod about what you suggested. Aside from that, let me know if yo have more to contribute regarding the writing itself.


Thanks again ^^


EDIT: It seems that doing the workshop will make the wait for a final grade into a 2 week period, more likely than not. Given that I would rather get a grade soon, for at least my first work, I think I'll stick with a regular judgement for now, and also just get feedback here in this fashion. Plus, I already submitted it for judgement, which is also somewhat of the problem.

[Enigmatic Immortal]

hence where mods come in.

Piece 'o advice: If you use color's to distinguish who is talking, you aren't doing a clear job as an author. A simple sentence, like...

"It's good to see you," she said lightly. "I do hope we can meet again."

...can do wonders for the writing. It will clarify who is talking, and you can even hint at the tone they are using to help capture the train of thought in your mind.

[SirArtemis]

hence where mods come in.

Piece 'o advice: If you use color's to distinguish who is talking, you aren't doing a clear job as an author. A simple sentence, like...

"It's good to see you," she said lightly. "I do hope we can meet again."

...can do wonders for the writing. It will clarify who is talking, and you can even hint at the tone they are using to help capture the train of thought in your mind.

mmm so I've been told. I just thought to try colors because I had read someone mention that it would have been a nice addition in someone else's story. I agree. I won't be using colors any more.

Is there anything else?

[Enigmatic Immortal]

Haven't got to in depth with the reading, but it FEELS like readng an Assassin's creed novel. Don't get me wrong, this isn't bad by any stretch, as it seems to take a more darker, serious undertone. I happen to like the little moment where Artemis and the town guard meet, arguing about being let in. That was the first real work I read, but I will go in and divulge what secrets I can for ya.

I'm no master or anything, but I'll give you my thoughts.

[SirArtemis]

Haven't got to in depth with the reading, but it FEELS like readng an Assassin's creed novel. Don't get me wrong, this isn't bad by any stretch, as it seems to take a more darker, serious undertone. I happen to like the little moment where Artemis and the town guard meet, arguing about being let in. That was the first real work I read, but I will go in and divulge what secrets I can for ya.

I'm no master or anything, but I'll give you my thoughts.

I appreciate it =) Theres some things I notice that don't... "line up," but I hope to improve on the disconnects in future writings. However, I won't point out what they are, since I'm sure you may find them and comment on them yourself. I look forward to reading your response ^^.