And One (AKA 'SHOotz Arrows At j00! Part 2)

[Silence Sei]

I ratn

[Silence Sei]

i stopppped

[Silence Sei]

Eye tallker

[Silence Sei]

'hay u!"

[Silence Sei]

it laffEd

[Silence Sei]

ii CrYed

[Silence Sei]

sh00t arrow at j00!

[Silence Sei]

it ded

[Silence Sei]

gold n0w pease

[Silence Sei]

N exp to0

[Duffy]

And One (AKA) 'SHOotz Arrows At j00! Part 2) Judgement

Well, light commentary requested, so light commentary given. I've read the thread exceptionally well!

Story

Continuity: 0/ No story developed, no character rolled, no idea of time, sense or place.

Setting: 0/ No idea where you were, what was around you or how to deal with movement from one place to the next. You could have at least described the floor, the doors, the basic concrete descriptions to get the basics.

Pacing: 0/ No sense of time, energy or place.

Character

Persona: 0/ I didn't get a remote idea of who your character was, his motivations (beyond generic gold grabbing xp grinding) and no hint of emotion, character or reasoning. You need to describe your characters ideals, his drive, even a hint of how he's feeling to get an even basic score here. Poor show.

Action: 1/ Nice arrow shot!

Dialogue: 0/ I can't award score here for one line. You need to build rapport between characters or even internal dialogue to get an average score!

Writing

Technique: 0/ What technique?

Mechanics: 0/ Abysmal spelling, grammar and punctuation use throughout. Learn to use the comma, and proof read!

Clarity: 4/ I had a clear idea of what your character was doing, but not in relation to what. Best part of the thread, simple, brevity laden and effective.

Wild Card: 5/ I love the sardony and wit, and especially the simplicity in telling your tale. You cut corners, but it paid off! I still expected better from you in writing and persona.

Total: 10/100


Experience:

Sei receives 282 experience and 50 gold.

[Silence Sei]

Yeah, right.