The Ringing Blades (Closed)

[SirArtemis]

(closed to Alberdyne Cormyr)


Artemis arrived in Radasanth with rumors of a battle arena known as The Citadel flittering through his thoughts. Being the largest in all of Althanas, according to the books he had read, it was the perfect venue to give his combat skills a bit of a test. His only opponent in life had been his mentor, Hawk, and he was looking to see how he would fare against another dual-wielding opponent.

When he had arrived, he had asked the organizer how everything worked. The man gave a simple explanation, and the vagabond found he was interested.

The requirements he had given the organizer were very simple, and he had written them down in a list.

1) Melee-combat only
2) Opponent must be a dual wielder
3) Arena must be small and simple; no shenanigans
4) No magic

That simple list clearly was enough for the experienced organizer, because as Artemis walked into the small arena, he could not help but smile. The room was a circle, about fifteen meters in diameter with four-meter high walls encircling it. Everything was made of a rough, brown stone that had enough of a grainy texture to give plenty of traction to the melee combatants. The floor itself was slightly convex with a drain in the middle of the arena about the size of a small buckler. It seemed that this would be a perfect platform to test his skills.

The door he had entered shut behind him, leaving the wall nearly perfectly smooth. As he stood there, taking in his surroundings, the door directly opposite him opened.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

After his last match-up against MetalDrago Scorpio, the brawler needed a job to occupy his mind. Finding himself wandering the halls of The Citadel, Alberdyne Cormyr was brooding. His last couple of matches were decisive losses. Despite the fact that this discouraged him greatly, Dyne continued to move forward. He would face his destiny alone. Crossing paths with one The Monks of The Order, Dyne's thoughts returned to The Firmanent. Looking around The Citadel's hallways, he noticed many paintings upon the walls. These paintings were actually recorded historical documentation of all the wars that had taken place within The Citadel's fold.

Dyne saw a few of his own battles. Seeing the fact that he had already lost a great deal in The Citadel, the youth decided that he would continue to better himself. Combat was only one possible path of education. The Citadel could teach wizards and warriors the various arts they needed to survive in the fires of hell. Finding himself in hell's maw now, Dyne looked carefully at the monk. As always, the monk's expression was collected. He could see that there was almost an infinite wisdom in the monk's eye. Coppertone skin decorated the man's vessel. He had braided hair that was auburn in colour, and his eyes were a green hue. Dyne saw that the monk wore the robes of an intermediate.

The monk waved his hand towards Dyne in a warm greeting.

"Ah. Young Master Cormyr. I see you have not left since your battle with MetalDrago Scorpio?" The monk wore a soft smile on his face. "Perhaps you are looking for more work?"

"..." Thinking about his response, Dyne simply nodded. His eyes told all, he was depressed about his recent loss to MetalDrago. The Monks are playing a game with my well being. I don't like this at all, but I will not give up. Dyne spoke after an awkward moment passed. "Mhmn. But I wish to go up against competitors who are my level range..." Dyne said. He hated the fact that he was weak. MetalDrago Scorpio possessed a power that he had never seen before. The Thayne seem to reward their people well. Maybe I should look into joining one of those sects...

"I so happen to have a suitable job for you. It was just posted by a man named Artermis Eburi. He is looking for specific conditions for the battle." The monk said.

Dyne put his hand on his chin and thought about what was being said.

"What sort of conditions?" Dyne asked.

"He is looking for someone skilled with dual-wielding. I have seen your basic combat prowess. You will do. He is a pup too, you two will fight on equal footing."

"Which Chamber is it?" Dyne asked. "Let's get this new game started." There was a hit of irritation in Dyne's voice. He was in The Citadel, and the greatest Heroes were forged from the fires of combat. Dyne saw that the monk made a gesture towards the hallway. Understanding the monk's meaning, Alberdyne Cormyr followed the monk towards the chamber that Artemis had set aside for a new war.

***

Stepping into the combat chamber, Dyne left his excess equipment with the monks. Armed only with two iron daggers, and his wits, Dyne examined the battle arena as he entered. He walked slowly, with a confident posture. Soon, he had covered the distance to his opponent and stood directly in front of the man. Dyne's eyes were observant. There was a glow about them...

"You want to have a knife fight? That's right up my alley. The name is Alberdyne Cormyr of House Cormyr." Dyne said casually. "Let's see what you've got!"

Frustrated. Angry. Heavy of will. The loss against MetalDrago Scorpio had almost broken Dyne's will. However, it had done something else to him as well. He discovered he could stand alone against any challenge that came his way. With that, there was a newly discovered confidence. Most warriors had a sense of arrogance about them. Dyne did not possess that flaw. He wanted to learn. Taking up a brawler's combat stance, Dyne held his left arm in a position far above his right arm. He held his daggers in a reverse position so that the blades' tips faced away from his opponent. His legs were spread wide and bent at the knees, his spine slightly arched forward. Prepared for the battle ahead, Dyne was going to show Artemis Eburi no mercy.

For mercy was for the weak.

[SirArtemis]

Artemis watched as the man approached and stood about a meter in front of him. However, the vagabond remained stoic and had not even drawn his daggers yet. As the opponent took his stance, it was clear that the man was serious, and that there was some emotion brewing deep within.

Observing the individual, Artemis found himself quite confused. This man was a dual wielder? He expected this man to carry around a mallet the size of the Salvar Mountains. He was shorter than Artemis by a few inches but easily outweighed him by a long shot. The vagabond could tell by the other man's physique that he was also a blacksmith. Despite his incredible muscular features, he also wore.. glasses?

'Hmm, this should prove interesting. An incredibly muscular, short blacksmith with glasses who seems pissed,' Artemis thought to himself.

Giving a polite bow to his opponent and removing his daggers from their respective sheaths, he let his hands fall to his sides. Artemis held daggers in a normal grip, facing the opponent. He was not in any particular stance; he simply stood, arms at his side, waiting for his opponent to make his move.

It was always fun to see how an opponent reacted to this tactic. An emotional individual would often feel insulted, which would almost instantly lead to a mistake early on in the battle. Preferring to conserve his energy and feel out his opponent, an offensive strike could wait. There was no rush in this particular bout.

"Let us begin. You may have the honor of first strike," Artemis said, with another slight bow, not taking his eyes off of his opponent.

'Let's see if you are controlled by your emotions, my fellow blacksmith,'

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

The psionic found himself alone in the middle of a war. With his eyes darting about, they finally settled on the task at hand. Ever the polite individual, his opponent greeting the psionic with a brief gesture. Without realizing why, the young psionic bowed his head down without moving his eyes away from his opponent. Reverting himself back to his full height, Dyne knew he was considerably shorter than his foe. However, after a quick stock of his opponent, Dyne saw that he was much heavier than the vagabond. I have to use my mass to my advantage here. He seems quite skilled.

Already, self-doubt was settling in his gut. Dyne shook his head briefly. Calm down. The battle hasn't even started yet. Don't let the loss to MetalDrago get to your head too badly. It hadn't been just a loss. MetalDrago Scorpio literally possessed enough power to cut the blacksmith to pieces...Dyne sighed at that thought. One day I will have the power to defeat MetalDrago Scorpio. I will not let him down! Alberdyne Cormyr saw something in MetalDrago's cold gaze. He saw honour lurking there, an honour that was twisted. That truth had inspired the blacksmith apprentice.

As his mind relaxed, he thought about MetalDrago Scorpio. The mistakes he'd made during that battle, his emotional outburst, all of it came cascading back with the force of a tsunami. Dyne shivered as a fear touched his heart, a fear of his former opponent. That fear was what promised to keep him alive. He is not taking a controlled stance, something is wrong... Dyne thought to himself as he analyzed his opponent. Quickly, he let the idea of a trap of some sort pass his thoughts.

Covering the remaining distance between himself and his foe, Dyne returned to his combat position. He was now within striking distance. Muscles coiled, breath controlled, eyes filled with a placid emotion, Dyne prepared. Strategy filled his head now. Everything he had learned from his battle against MetalDrago Scorpio, and his battle against that guy, Sabatykos Maelstrom came down to this one glorious moment. Win or loose, I shall give it my all. He suddenly attacked...

Lunging forward with standard human speed and reflexes, Dyne used his massive size and mass with some skill-level. With a brawler's mentality, Dyne took an aggressive action against his foe. Dirt was kicked up and into the air from the movements of his heavy boots. Dyne's boots crunched the earth beneath it, as he moved. First, Dyne lashed out with his lower-positioned right arm. The attack was quick and precise, but the psionic had no idea if it would be enough to kiss the epidermis of his opponent. Keeping his left arm raised almost like a scorpion's tail, the youth attacked. A plan had already formed...if his first strike connected, there would be other maneuvers.

[SirArtemis]

The first attack was quick, but not quick enough. Artemis easily stepped back while simultaneously parrying the strike of his opponents blade with his own, letting the full weight of the man propel him forward as the vagabond sidestepped.

Again, he stood, awaiting his opponents move.

'Something is weighing this man down, and it's not just his muscles. Hmm, it's too soon to be sure.'

Again, Artemis stood with his hands off to his side, watching as the man turned to face him.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

When the skilled parry connected with Dyne's blade, the youth frowned. Just as I thought, he is quite good. I will have to be careful and time my movements with precision. Again, his face became far away as he concentrated on the battle at hand. Though his thoughts were on the primal matter of The Firmanent, they were also far away. Distracted. His thoughts kept going back to his battle with Sabatykos Maelstrom and MetalDrago Scorpio. Attempting to remember what he had learned from those battles, Dyne's mind worked quickly to apply what he could.

From the first set of movements, Dyne had learned a great deal about his opponent. This information was tabulated, recycled, and analyzed over and over. Everything from the position of the counter-strike, to the weight and movement behind the man's dagger-slashes. Seeing that the man moved with enhanced reflexes, Dyne knew that he was in for a wild night. I have to concentrate if I am going to land any hits here. Dyne was strong, but not that strong. His body was powerful, but not that powerful.

Furthermore, there was a shade in Dyne's heart. A shade that was visible especially after his battle with MetalDrago Scorpio. The living dark planted a seed within Dyne's heart that was slowly spreading. It was becoming a hint of the things that were coming.

For a moment or two, a shadow befell Dyne's face. He thought about the power that MetalDrago Scorpio possessed. A primal aspect of the young blacksmith wanted to become like the Dragonian warrior. Dyne admired strength and power. So when he saw that his foe had parried his attack quite easily, the youth let go emotionally. Screaming in a fit of rage, Dyne understood that he had to completely overwhelm his opponent if he was to have even an iota of a chance. Moving with all the ferocity he could muster, still bound by the chains of The Firmanent, Dyne suddenly lashed out violently with his right hand. He was striking the man's lower body. Preparing his left for a strike, the youth continued to scream with rage. His emotions were beginning to grow quite potent. Such out of control emotions, would ultimately be the psionics' downfall.

Ultimately, it would spell the end of an era...

[SirArtemis]

The man seemed to be running wild with emotion. He had lost it after a single parry, which was a big indicator to Artemis that there must be something irritating this man that went far deeper than that counter.

The man had charged him, swinging with his right. Again, the vagabond parried while dodging, but seeing that the left was ready to come in for a follow up attack, he prepared his stance to counter. Intentionally parrying the right blade inward, he would throw his opponent off balance using the momentum of the attack as his own downfall.

As the attack flew by, the parry giving the man more momentum, Artemis sidestepped and slashed at his opponent's right arm in an upward cut.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Permission to bunny MetalDrago Scorpio granted by his handler.

Just as Artemis' blade connected with flesh and fresh crimson ichor spilled on the ground, something happened. A sharp sting of fresh pain coursed through the boy's arm. Dyne's pupils dilated. As that happened, his mind cleared and he saw something, something terrifying. You have the makings of a warrior, kid. When you’ve polished your skills, don’t be afraid to face me again. I look forward to seeing you grow in strength, almost as much as I look forward to slicing you in half again. Dyne remembered the last few moments he spent in the presence of MetalDrago Scorpio. Already, the traumatized youth was becoming detached from the law of The Firmanent. As Dyne remembered the final conversation he had with MetalDrago, his mind cleared once again.

Envisioning the dragonian warrior, Dyne swore he could smell the scent of death that the warrior gave off, he swore he could taste N'Jal in his mouth. Observing the cold, calculating eyes of MetalDrago in the abyss of his mind, Dyne suddenly felt all alone in the unforgiving world. MetalDrago proved to be his superior in singles' combat to such a degree that the youth was forever obsessed with MetalDrago. MetalDrago's words echoed in his head as he observed the powerful combatant in his mind's eye. He could see him as clearly as if he were standing in between himself and Artemis Eburi.

MetalDrago suddenly spoke in his head. Don't flinch in the face of certain death. Embrace it. For it is the will of N'Jal. You must be deadlier than your opponent, ready to throw your life away for the cause you believe in. Laugh at pain, spit in the face of death, gawk at the Antifirmanent. Let these principles be your tool. As Dyne heard these words echo in his head, the pain suddenly brought the youth physical pleasure. And at that final moment of his transformation, Dyne laughed after he'd been yelling in rage.

When his rage had become like an iron-forged furnace, Dyne mustered all of his physical might. Still, Dyne was merely a boy. He had not the supernatural strength of Letho Ravenheart, Godhand Striker, or Sei Ourlouge. He was just a boy. Falling back on his fury, the youth was attempting to overwhelm his opponent. Dyne was laughing the whole time, his voice had suddenly become much deeper. Blood flowed down his arm from where steel had licked his flesh.

This time, Dyne reverted back to what he knew. First and foremost, Dyne was a brawler. Many years spent surviving on the streets had taught Dyne one important rule: trust nobody. As Dyne laughed while relishing his pain, he attacked. However, there was rage behind that attack. Finally, he had employed the left-side of his body in an attack. Moving with both of his arms, Dyne lashed out with his right in a quick movement. Then, at the apex of his strike, he lashed out with an overhead slashed that was...not aimed at his opponent. Instead, the slash was a last-ditch effort at predicting where his opponent would be in a parried maneuver. Dyne's eyes told all, he had completely lost it. And to hell with anyone who stood in his way.

[SirArtemis]

This was not turning out the way Artemis had anticipated. His intention in signing up for this little skirmish was to test his combat skills against another dual wielder. However, not only was it clear that this man was not a dual wielder, even if he held two weapons, but that he was very distracted. The man seemed more at war with himself than with the vagabond, and Artemis couldn't help but feel discouraged by that fact.

After a few brief moments, during which the man seemed incredibly distracted, he began laughing hysterically, and Artemis couldn't help but feel that this man must have taken excessive amounts of some drug or another before this fight. He wouldn't have been surprised had foam started dripping down his opponent's mouth.

The man attacked again with his right for the third time now, and Artemis was getting tired of games. He decided to try something different and see where it would take him. This attack would be dangerous if it missed, but the man wouldn't likely see it coming.

As the right attack came in, this time Artemis parried the incoming blade outward with his left dagger and rolled his body to the right. In one fluid motion, he raised his right dagger in a quick upward thrust designed to penetrate just under the jaw of the wild man and erupt from the top of his skull, puncturing through tongue and brain in one swift motion.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

With more training perhaps, Dyne would have seen the trap sprung. Yet, the youth was not prepared for the finesse of the vagabond's training. Dyne, after all, was a brawler and not a seasoned warrior. Despite the strange event that had occurred, the blacksmith could not best the faster opponent. Speed almost always outdid brute strength. Dyne knew that was simply the physical laws of The Firmanent acting against him. With his eyes locked on Artemis Eburi's eyes, the youth faced death. Only a cold rage lurked within the youth's eyes, he had learned to control his rage and fury. One day, they would become powerful emotions and weapons of war.

That hour had not yet come and Dyne was still weak. Dreadfully weak. His movement and form lacked the perfection and flawlessness of a seasoned veteran. Someone else would have easily been able to side-step the attack that Artemis sent Dyne's way. Dyne lacked the power and experience. So when his foe countered, that was the end and doom came. More pain coursed through the boy's body. Broken, defeated, Dyne thought of his battle with MetalDrago Scorpio. One obsessive thought coursed through his brain as it was pierced by steel. I will become stronger one day, I will...

"Urrrgh....!"

Rage turned into a complete realization of what had just happened. Dyne had failed again. A cry gurgled out of his throat as he slowly began to fall to the ground. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, a loud ringing touching the inside of his ears. His skull exploded. Artemis had pierced underneath his maxilla, (Lower jaw) and the attack continued until the blade exploded through his skull. His handsome face was shattered by the dreadful finishing maneuver.

Thoughts of MetalDrago Scorpio were the final thoughts that passed through his head. His body fell to the ground, dead. Blood, brain, cranial fragments, and other gore flew about everywhere. What was supposed to be a simple job had become a nightmare. Bested again, one sudden thought entered the youth's brain before it was torn into pieces. I am weak. But one day I will know power...

When Dyne died, he became dreadfully aware of The Antifirmanent. His world became gray, the land of Phantoms. Dyne looked around and saw his body on the floor being held by Artemis' embrace. Dyne turned towards The Citadel's walls and a door opened to allow monks into the chamber. As the healing process began, Dyne's thoughts cleared as his mind knew peace. Even if for but a moment. The last thing he recalled, was MetalDrago's eyes staring at him from a cold dark place.

When he screamed, he awoke in a Citadel infirmary. He was being attended by monks. They had got to him. Dyne looked at the monks for a moment, and then did the only thing he could. He fell into a deep slumber...

Fin.

[SirArtemis]

Artemis' attack had landed cleanly, and he felt the warm liquid begin to trickle down his right hand. He closed his eyes, not enjoying the moment one bit, and reminding himself that the man would be okay. He held the man close and slowly lowered him down onto his back, holding his head aloft with his left hand, dropping the dagger that he had held. He slid his right dagger out of the man's skull and lay it down beside his head. He removed the broken man's glasses, folding them dexterously with one hand and carefully placing them on the man's muscular torso.

"Listen," Artemis began. "It's pretty obvious that there is something bothering you that is unrelated to our little fight. We all have things in our past that we aren't happy with, but that doesn't have a place in combat. When your life is on the line, the past doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the present, because it will determine your future. Clear your mind of all the irrelevant bullshit of your life and realize that none of that matters when you stand face to face with a man who can end your life. Letting emotion control you during battle the way it did just now will never end well."

With that, Artemis gently set the man's head down on the ground and rose to his feet, collecting his daggers before stepping away to allow the monks to do their work. It was a pity that this man had been so distracted throughout the battle. It had not lasted long enough to really accomplish what Artemis had intended. At least the monks' abilities would allow him to face this opponent again. After all, it wasn't every day that you could kill a man and get the chance to fight him a second time.

'The man has potential. He simply needs to clear his mind for battle. Thankfully, he is still young. There is plenty of time to learn.'

As Artemis turned to leave, he watched as a line of blood trickled from the man's open skull toward the drain in the middle of the arena, dripping silently down into an unknown abyss. Suddenly, he realized why the stone was such a dark brown...

[Atzar]

Quest Judging
The Ringing Blades

Wasting no time, getting right to the comments and numbers:

Sir Artemis/Alberdyne Cormyr

STORY

Continuity: Best category for Dyne, but I need more from Artemis. From the start, you set yourself a fairly limited premise for a battle – you wanted to train against a specific type of fighter, and that was pretty much as far as it went. Dyne’s story was clearly the more intriguing of the two, and that became clear as you essentially turned into a supporting actor as the fight progressed. To win this category in the future, Artemis, you’ll need a more interesting story that preferably casts you as the most important character in the thread – while not impossible, it’s very difficult to stand out in a thread when you’re not the center of attention. 3/6

Setting: I was disappointed with this category. Artemis really only made reference to the arena around him in the first and last posts, and Dyne essentially ignored it entirely. Again, I feel like your choice of setting limited you again – I don’t want to read about a fight in a blank, gray landscape (which is what this felt like for much of the battle). I want to see, hear, smell, feel and taste the world around you as I read. Even with the somewhat featureless setting, you still had room to earn better scores than you did – maybe there was a breeze, or maybe it was oppressively hot (or cold). Maybe blocking the opponent’s attack sends vibrations down your arm. Artemis earned a point back because the blood flowing to the drain at the end was a nice touch, but I want to see more from each of you. 5/3

Pacing: This battle felt way too short, in my opinion. Dyne made a couple of angry slashes, got stabbed through the brain, and that was it. There was no suspense, no uncertainty on my part. Better plots and environments from each of you will add some content to this thread, but aside from that, try to make the fight last a bit longer – a little more variety in your movements would help as well. 4/4

CHARACTER

Dialogue: There wasn’t much dialogue, and in battle that’s usually a good thing (and was in this case). A lot of Dyne’s thoughts struck me as cliché: “This guy is strong, I’d better be careful” and bits like that. Artemis’s monologue at the end was effective, if a little out-of-the-blue given that I think he’d uttered one sentence in the entire fight up to that point. 5/4

Action: There were a few things that I want to point out here. First, I didn’t like the stillness of the characters in between strikes: I felt like I was reading a written account of a turn-based RPG. Artemis, a man probably isn’t going to stand completely at-ease when someone is coming at him with a knife. Maybe you’re backpedaling, or maybe you’re circling in a half-crouch with daggers held at the ready in front of you. Lorenor, you did entirely too much thinking in a fight that featured three or four attacks and probably spanned a timeframe of about thirty seconds – again, a longer fight would have allowed you to space this out and make it seem a bit more natural and ‘rhythmic’. Also, I didn’t feel like the way you died was realistic – a stab into the brain will probably kill you instantly, and will certainly keep you from thinking as much as you did after the strike. 4/3

Persona: Dyne, I don’t know what MetalDrago did to you in your fight with him, but it must have been a sight to see indeed if it traumatized your character this much! I almost feel like your treatment of that is a bit overly-dramatic. Apart from that, you had a definite edge in this category. Artemis, you suffered to same way here that you did in setting: it was there in the introduction, it was there in the conclusion, and it… vanished in the middle. Apart from a feeling of dissatisfaction with the battle, your character didn’t seem to have any real emotions. At the end, the reluctance to kill Dyne was a nice touch. In all, I would have liked to see his personality come out all throughout the thread, not just when it’s convenient to add it in. 3/5

WRITING STYLE

Technique: Dyne, a flashback of your fight with Drago would have been effective in the early posts, just to show me what exactly has your character so bent out of shape. Aside from that, I like how much you reference your character’s history in your threads – it’s an effective way to teach me a lot about your character. Try to avoid the references to ‘power levels’ and ‘average human agility’ though – I want to feel like I’m reading a book, not like I’m reading a narrative of a DnD battle. Artemis, it was hard for me to get a feel of your writing style in general – you seem to have a brief, concise style, but I’d like to see what you do with a better setting, a more involved plot and a more consistent effort to display your character’s persona. It would be a lot easier to give you pointers here in that case. 5/6

Mechanics: Nothing distracting on either side – a few minor typos here and there, some hyphens in inappropriate places in Dyne’s case, but a good job overall. 5/5

Clarity: No real issues here on either side. 5/5

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card: 4/4

TOTAL: 43/45

Congratulations to the winner, Alberdyne_Cormyr. Both of you can feel free to contact me if you have questions: I’m always available via PM, and my AIM handle is Ark Ether.

Alberdyne_Cormyr receives 500 EXP and 80 GP.
SirArtemis receives 150 EXP and 80 GP.

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added.