Life Behind the Stone Walls (Solo)

[Leski Hanako]

The sun glistened down through the gaps in the canopy of trees, creating radiant bursts of light on the worn grey cobblestones that weaved throughout the woods on the outskirts of the town of Underwood. The potholes near the edges of the cobblestone paths were brimming with water from the previous night's rainfall, allowing birds to bathe merrily in the water, preening themselves cheerily, chirping to their companions in their flock. Little fluffy rabbits also appeared amongst the trees, returning to the daylight after taking shelter from the heavy storm that night, playfully hopping around with each other amongst the trees. Everything was tranquil and peaceful in this part of the town, and it was very rarely disturbed, apart from people passing through to get to the centre of Underwood, as not many people even lived this far out of the town, apart from a wealthy few.

At the end of the worn stones there was a rather large and stately home, surrounded by ivy-covered stone walls, the entrance to the building prevented by wrought iron gates with blunt spikes on top. The ivy was overgrowing at parts and the gates were slightly rusted at the edges, giving the estate an appearance that it was either devoid of life or not looked after, possibly both. Both of these ideas would be completely scraped once inside of the grounds had been viewed: lush green lawns which were kept to an even height, just long enough for the grass to look smooth and sleek. There were no weeds in sight on the lawn, and only a browned leaves from the trees rested on their tips where the groundskeeper had not gotten around to clearing this part of the lawn yet. These trees well pruned and grew into almost-perfect orb shapes, hardly a branch out of check, and no bare patches showing any branches were visible, not even directly underneath. The same style cobblestones were used in the grounds to create delicate curving paths, splitting the lawns into unusual shaped islands. The only difference was that these cobblestones were kept well-polished, chip free, and clearly well maintained. In various parts of these strangely shaped islands of luscious grass, slate-covered circular planters were filled to the brim with brightly coloured flowers, ranging from soft pastel blue and yellow to shocking magenta and bright orange.

These winding paths out of the nurtured lawns and flowerbeds emerged onto a large area of cobbled ground which was clearly a turning circle for many large and posh methods of transportation that the family who owned the estate must of owned. In the centre of this turning circle and courtyard, a large white marble fountain protruded from the ground, spraying a jet of clear blue water straight into the air, allowing a soft mist to fall over the marble, causing more of a shine to reflect from it as the sun shone down on the grounds, a rainbow forming from the sun catching the mist to refract the various colours of the light elegantly. Venturing up the dark slate steps to the grand front entrance of the ebony-brick estate, attention is drawn to the mahogany frames of the windows and doors, each sanded down to the grain and stained to give it the protection from the harsh weather in winter and the boiling heat in summer, and also to give it an attractive and expensive look. Then again, for windows and doors like these then they probably would be rather expensive anyway. The glass in the windows was perfectly polished and clear, with no sign of dirt or any chips and scratches on the glass. Not even water stains from the previous night's rain remained.

[Leski Hanako]

These windows revealed the luxurious interior of the estate and anyone who's breath was not taken away from the grounds would most certainly be blown away by the inside. The matte, sand-coloured stone tiles graced the floor of the foyer of the house, clearly able to be dressed up and accessorised with various tables and chairs for guests during large dinner parties or celebrations. The walls were paneled with mahogany boards, a theme of dark woods clearly established in this estate. To the left, an open passageway where the first sign of life could be sighted: a flurry of chefs and maids working frantically around the clock to provide fresh food and drinks to the household that occupied the building on demand. To the right, another open passageway where the edges of regal-looking armchairs could be seen, clearly a formal reception area for when guests came to visit the property. There were another 4 closed doors on this level which led to an informal seating area, a dining room, the head of the house's study and the back door which led onto the grounds behind the house, which was hidden behind the stairs, covered by the same sandy stone as the main floor, lined with a mahogany banister, treated in the same way as the windows and doors.

The upstairs area could be seen from the foyer or reception area of the building as upstairs had balcony-like flooring just around the edges of the room to make the house appear to be more sizeable than it actually was. The balcony area led to all the different rooms that were on the upper level of the house: 4 bedrooms, all of an equal size, each with it’s own en-suite bathing and shower area, a library area, another informal seating area and a door at the very top of the stairs that leads out to the rooftop terrace to the back of the house, looking over the grounds behind. These grounds beyond these doors displayed a large expanse of fields and flowerbeds, with many parts shaded gently by the canopy of the woods in which the estate was built in. In the distance, the stables of the estate could be seen, and a paddock where ten horses were currently grazing and walking around in aimlessly as the small dots of the visible stable workers were tending to their needs. The home was perfect for any rich family to escape the rush and stress of the busy and bustling world outside their own little tranquil paradise.

[Leski Hanako]

Behind one of the heavy doors on the upper level of the houses was a very plain room containing a four-poster bed made of a dark wood, a grand wardrobe crafted in the same style as the bed, and a desk with a hard chair, the large pane of glass looking out over the trees outside the front of the estate, the centre of the town just about visible over the walls and through the trees in the distance. it was a beautiful sight, whether it was morning, noon, evening or night and many people would enjoy sitting in front of the window every night and watch as the world changed as the day passed them by. The thought appeared to be a tranquil and peaceful existence to live, especially if you were a young child or a housewife.

Unfortunately, this was not the case for the habitant of this room. Of course, the inhabitant thought that the room was rather charming, and the view was stunning, but it just doesn't mean much when you have a life like their life: a life devoted to study and practice. What kind of life was this?

Leski Hanako knew exactly what life this way, as this was her life. At the age of nineteen, she was the inhabitant of this room. Looking at her, you would believe that she was probably a very popular girl for her appearance: Her locks of silver hair refracted every ray of light shining against in, framing her large striking icy blue eyes, as light as the glaciers that glide tranquilly through the ocean. Her features were small and soft: nose straight and clear of any imperfections, high cheekbones showing the slight rose colour in her cheeks, contrasting against her soft pearl-like skin. Her lips matched the colour in her cheeks with a nice shape. Moving down from the face, a long and slender neck could be seen, placed on top of an hourglass figure with a tiny waist.

But she wasn't. She didn't have any friends because she never ventured outside. Her skin resembled pearls because she hardly ever went into the sun to even gain a little bit of colour. Her eyes should of glistened with life for a girl of only nineteen, but they were dull orbs that hung under tired eyes, dark rings showing this aspect. Her body was always slouched when she moved around in her room, only standing up straight when around her parents otherwise they would scold her and force her to work harder.

[Leski Hanako]

This life of loneliness was fuelled by her father's wants for his daughter in life. He thought it was best if one of the two options happened. One was that she studied every single day of her life and became a successful medical practitioner, one day taking over her father's practice when he retired and making the family proud, carrying on the reputation known in Underwood. The other option was an arranged marriage; she would be married off to someone with more social standing and more wealth than their family, possibly someone in the aristocracy, and gain the family more riches and a better social standing by sacrificing her "freedom". One thing that Leski was glad for is the fact that she had the choice of what she wanted to do, because the latter option didn't appeal much to her. Being a wife in an arranged marriage would of made her feel more like a pet than a wife, or even quite possibly a trophy for the man that she was "won" by or more than likely "bought" by. If Leski's mother wasn't there then her father would have most certainly made the choice for her, and chosen the marriage option. He didn't appear to care much for his own daughter, but only for his own riches, business and class. Not once in Leski's memory could she remember having an actual conversation with him about something other than her studies or potential husbands for her.

She honestly believed that her father piled on the workload just to try and make her change her mind about what option she chose, but she would never give in. At one point in her life, she had three days where she could do whatever she wanted, as long as she remained within the walls of the estate. Her father had reduced this to a few hours one day a week, possibly two if she had excelled substantially more than she usually did in a certain topic area, but even then this was rare. She was a fast learner but there was only a certain amount that could be taken in before the mind begins to fray at the edges and begin to wear thin of concentration and patience.

[Leski Hanako]

n her few hours a week of free time, she used to be able to escape the walls for a bit of time with the outside world, but she didn't care much for socialising or trying to make friends as most other girls would her age. Instead, she would venture down to the shooting range with her bow and arrows and just practice. There seemed to be a talent for this here, as Leski hardly ever missed as long as the target was within her range of fifty feet away. Even the smallest target didn't stand much of a chance. But lately she had been highly out of practice: her progress had dropped slightly in her studies due to the workload becoming too much for her so her father had relinquished her free until she caught up. That meant seven days a week of studying from sunrise to well past sunset. This was bound to make it worse, but she never dared to speak up against her father, so she struggled on, just accepting that this was her life. She lived the life of a prisoner who lived in luxury, but because they probably wouldn’t complain due to the dire conditions that they were kept in, this made her feel worse. This was her entire life, and it was for as far into the future as she could foresee. To her, there was no way out.

[Leski Hanako]

It all started from a very young age. From the age of three years of age, her mother had always dressed her in stunning and extravogent garments of clothing, ranging from beautifully flowing ball gowns what were covered in embellishment and details all the way down to tightly fitted blouses that were accompanied by floor length skirts that were all overdone with their detail. These types of clothes are amazing for wearing out to a dinner party or for a formal celebration, but when worn every single day of someone's life they lose their appeal and then the basic clothing in the world seems to become much mroe appealing to wear out to these occasions, but this family refused to dress Leski in anything but these over-the-top detailed clothes. The next bane of her early years was the corset. She was forced to wear this every single day for twelve hours at least, and always a lot longer if her family were expecting guests or were having a dinner party. This was the only reason for her curvy figure: it was man-made. Leski's mother was so proud of her "little princess who was fit for a darling prince". Clearly, she wanted her to marry well and live the high life as she was whilst being married to Leski's father

Her father, however, saw it as a waste of money to buy all these things for her because he clearly wasn't interested in his daughter, but only did it to keep his wife happy. He had once refused to give her any more allowance for clothes for Leski, but all she did was moan and rage. Eventually, he caved and let her dress her "little princess" up as much as she liked. The only time he became interested is that one day when she was seven year old, she had snuck over to her father's office when her mother and father were talking. Peering inside, she watched and heard the whole conversation.
"You know I wanted a son to continue the practice when I retire! Now all I've got is this... girl." Leski's father told his wife in a rather stern voice, clearly biting his tongue at the end of his sentence, choosing his words carefully. "If you had done your job then you would of brought me a son instead!"
This was breaking point for her mother.
"Well, if you don't like that you've got a daughter then fine! Have her married off to some wealthy aristocrat and be done with her! She'll fit in well there, and someone would certainly take her!" She leered at her husband, before storming out of the office, knocking down the nosy Leski as she went, not realising her daughter was there.

This had really shaken her up. She didn't completely understand what had been said, but she knew that her father didn't love her, and was willing to get rid of her. That night she sobbed in her room, whilst her father contemplated the possibilities that had arisen from Leski's mother bringing up the idea of marriage. He realised that he could get quite a large sum of money, and began to encourage her mother to do more education on ettiquete and being a housewife. He just wanted her for the money.

[Leski Hanako]

As the years passed by, Leski grew up more and more into a woman, and her father began to become even more exasperated with her. His patience seemed to be wearing thin for some reason., but he had his reasons. He had a daughter that he could practically sell to someone wealthy to be their wife so that was money and a social status taken care of, but her parents had failed to conceive another child. This meant that there was no heir for the family medical business, and once her father had retired then their name would not be carried on and everyone would forget about them in life. It was only her father's success as a doctor that had gotten them to the position they were in, and they didn't fancy leaving.

So her father had a choice: marry his daughter off and possibly never see her again, or put up with her for the many years to come and train her to take over the family business. Leski's father was stuck in the past; women were seen by him as just a woman, not someone who works and earns a living doing jobs that he classed as a "man's" job. He would have to make a decision before it was too late to start her training

[Leski Hanako]

Life continued as normal, but as Leski grew up and became a teenager she had her own opinions about what she wanted to do and how she wanted to dress. Her mother couldn't play dress up with her anymore because Leski despised the extravogent clothing that her mother insisted on, instead opting for basic skirts and dresses and wearing flats with them instead of heels, wich greatly displeased her mother. Also, it was too early in life to suggest that she began training to take over the family business because no teeneger would have the drive and concentration to do as much education as was necessary for the career.

The entire family had their ideas stuck in limbo for many years, but Leski never gained any freedom. In fact, she even lost some freedom. Her mother used to take her to town to buy her own clothes, but not she just brought them back for her, and she used to be allowed to the shooting range with her bow as much as she enjoyed, but now this was only a couple of times a week. The rest of the time she was expected to act like her mother, who drank copious amounts of tea and read books to pass the time. And this she did, for fear of a scolding kept her loyal to her father's wishes.

[Leski Hanako]

Then the fateful day arrived. It was her eighteenth birthday and Leski had been summoned to her father's office. This had set the nervous butterflies in her stomach loose, adn they felt like they were going to fly out of her mouth in a rather violent manner. She hadn't been told off many times in her life, but every time she had it had been in this room.She really didn't want this on her eighteenth birthday.

For her birthday she had been given a new, elegant mahogany bow and a steel silver dagger. It would of been well and good if she was even allowed to go out to the range as often as she cared to, and if she had ever was allowed to even venture outside where the dagger may come in handy to defend herself, which her mother had told her when she opened it. Of course, she was grateful for her gifts as she always was, but they seemed to be more of a reminder that she was stuck behind the walls of her house... those dreary, grey stone walls.

Knocking softly on the door, a voice echoed the words "Enter" from inside. Pushing the door open, she slid tentaively inside the room, the door closing with a soft clunk.
"You wanted to see me fath-" She began to ask, before her father cut her off.
"Sit down, Leski. We need to have a chat." His voice was cold and businesslike. As she shuffled into a chair, he pushed away his paperwork and looked his daughter up and down, his head resting on his hands.
"My my my... how you've grown..." He muttered dreamily, before he cleared his throat and then continued. "As you may know, you will make a fine wife for a man one day. Maybe even an aristoscrat. It is well within my power to make this happen, and I have many young men who would be more than willing to have you by their side." At this point Leski began to panic. She didn't want to be sold off to someone who she had never met and be expected to love him, but this wasn't the case. Her father offered her another option. A way for her to escape this fate that she had been dreading.
"Your mother and I have failed to bring a baby boy to this world, and therefore there is no one who will be carrying on the practice... unless you accept the opportunity yourself and promise to study hard under my training."
"Yes! Yes! Yes, I'll do it" She didn't even give him a chance to take a breath after finishing his sentence. It was her only way out towards freedom that she could see. Once she had finished her training, she'd be able to earn her own way and possibly even move out. Her father couldn't control her then, apart from when they were at work but she could deal with that.

This had made her father very happy indeed, and there seemed to be a little bit of love for his daughter in his heart again.

[Leski Hanako]

It had been just over a year since that day when she had agreed to take up the studies, and she was huddled over a book in her room. It was a harsh life, but she much preferred it to one of having to love a man she would never love. She had to make sacrifices, though: less time for archery. Less time for reading. Less time to herself. Less sleep. More stress. More studying. The only thing that kept pushing her forwards was the thought of freedom at the end of the metaphorical road of her training. Once she had done it all, then she would be free.

Sighing and snapping her book shut, she paced to her window and stared out. It was raining, but the thought of being out in the rain was appealing. The wind was pelting it towards her window so she unbolted and slid it open, allowing the gusts of wind to bring the moisture into her room. She relished the feeling of the droplets on her skin, the breeze cooling the area around each one. It was as close to freedom as she could get, and just wished that someone would, one day, give her the chance to whisk her away. This was her prison for as long as she allowed it, but she would always allow it: she had nowhere to go and no way of leaving to escape it. Her life was stuck behind stone walls.

[Revenant]

Condensed rubric requested.

STORY: 12

CHARACTER: 12

WRITING STYLE: 14

WILD CARD: 5

TOTAL: 43

Overall, the biggest issue with this thread was that it felt very rushed. You have a very good, strong foundation for your writing and your score would drastically rise if you were to focus more time and effort on including more description.
For instance:

This had really shaken her up. She didn't completely understand what had been said, but she knew that her father didn't love her, and was willing to get rid of her. That night she sobbed in her room, whilst her father contemplated the possibilities that had arisen from Leski's mother bringing up the idea of marriage. He realised that he could get quite a large sum of money, and began to encourage her mother to do more education on ettiquete and being a housewife. He just wanted her for the money.
This had the potential to be a very engaging, emotional scene. Think about what the characters are thinking, try to feel what they are feeling, and then put that into words.

This may not be as high a score as you would have hoped, but I ask that you don’t be too disheartened. You have a lot of potential and I look forward to seeing how Leski escapes her stone prison. If you have any questions or just want some general tips on how to improve your score, feel free to contact me via PM or IM.

Leski Hanako receives 391 exp and 90 gp.

[Silence Sei]

Exp and GP added.