Dreamscape fights and sleepless nights. (Solo)

[Jack Frost]

Part one: Dreamscape fights
Jack landed on what appeared to be nothing. upon further inspection it seemed he was floating in mid air over the city of Radasanth. His clothes had changed as well. He had a strange tight mask covering his lower half of his face. He had a long cloak covering his body, and he felt..older. Memories of what seemed to be things to happen swirled in his head. Nothing was clear except for Ice techniques.

Snow began to fall slowly, and Father Winter appeared from the fog. "So then. Jolly sent you deep into your subconscious to fight me." he called out in a rather raspy voice. He was old. Almost 90. He had long silver hair that flowed gracefully to his shoulders. He had a long regal beard that hung to his chest. He grasped a wicked gnarled looking cane made of ivory.

"You are but a babe," he said raising his cane to where it hung perpendicular to the rest of his body. He placed his other hand at one point, and clasped his hands on the staff and pulled it down the rest of the four feet of staff. A nasty ice blade appeared where his hand had just been. when he was finished he had a giant ice blade ready.

"There's still a chance to back down." he muttered coldly. Oddly Jack took his umbrella and did the same thing. "It's time to end this" he hissed angrily.

[Jack Frost]

Winter struck first, jabbing his blade at Jack with lightning speed and precision. Jack deflected and came back with a skilled swing at Winters neck. Winter leaped backwards with a speed that a man his age should not have been able to achieve. Both hissed an dove at each other. Their blades clashed, who could muster the most force? Winter, then Jack, then Winter leaned in little more, Then Jack swore and broke the clash by leaping back.

Both stared each other down for multiple seconds. Winter pulled his blade back and raised his non-blade hand and hissed a quick key-word. A wave of ice sped towards Jack. Without thinking he undid the ice blade and opened the umbrella. He exhaled a gust of Arctic wind and climbed hundreds of feet over his opponent. He popped the pin and got to a comfortable standing position.

He exhaled a fog and pulled three needles per hand out. He looked down, narrowing his vision on Winter. He let he needles fly and watched as they grew into several very large icy stalagmites. Winter leaped up and dodged one missile. Then kicked off the missile to the next. He quickly rocketed up from the last one closing in on Jack. He leaped and closed the umbrella. He fell behind Winter and brought the Umbrella down like a club on Winters head.

He was answered with a satisfying crack. As the umbrella smashed the old man downward. They both landed on the invisible floor. Winter rolled backwards and leaped to his feet. Soon both had ice blades out and ready to strike.

[Jack Frost]

Jack lunged forward swinging his blade. Winter expertly blocked and retaliated. Jack blocked and twisted his blade sending Winters blade flying out of his hand. Jack swung and sliced Winter across the torso. The old man bled icy blue blood. He roared and kicked Jack sending him sliding backwards. He dug his blade in the invisible floor to slow down his slide.

His blade groaned and sent sparks flying as it slowed the mans fall. He looked up, Winter had retrieved his sword and was rapidly closing the distance. Jack swiped at Winter, who parried with ease. Both exchanged blows. Clang! Sparks flew from both blades as they ground them together.

Winter stepped back and swung with his sword again. Jack parried and brought his blade overhead and swung. Winter blocked it, but the force brought his sword down. Jack seize the chance and stabbed at Winter. The sword impaled Winter, blue blood spattered everywhere.

Winter staggered back and grunted. That grunt rose in pitch until it was a fierce roar. "I will not lose!" he roared defiantly. Frost began to swirl around him, creating a new form. When the horrific transformation was complete Winter stood twenty feet tall. The new Winter was like a giant werewolf. It's claws were made of deep blue ice. It's eyes were a bright teal, it's fur was a bright silver. It's snout wrinkled into a feral snarl, revealing it's sharp teeth.

Jack gulped and raised his sword up. The fight had just begun.

[Jack Frost]

The beast bellowed and ran forward, the invisible floor trembled with each step. It cuffed him with a large paw sending Jack flying. When he stopped he hopped to his feet and groaned. His sword had gone flying way past him. He began to run towards the sword and cringed as he felt the beast follow suit. He reached his sword and ducked as the beast swung at him again. He brought the sword up and sliced at the creatures paw.

It roared and took another swipe at him. Which he quickly dodged by rolling out of the way. The beast snorted in rage and kicked Jack. He grunted in pain as he slid back. He made sure to keep a firm grip on his sword. He leaped to his feet and panted. "You're so predictable!" he roared angrily at the beast.

That's when the giant beast inhaled deeply, and exhaled a blizzard. Jack grunted and leaned into the wind but the invisible ground provided little friction. This caused Jack to slide backwards tremendously.

The gap was huge, yet the creature closed the gap in a few bounds. Jack sighed and rolled under the beast as it came, slicing at it's "Manhood." Jack knew it was a cheap move, but this was no holds bar.

The beast roared in pain and turned to Jack. Hate burned in it's eyes. Jack smirked and raised his blade. "Bring it on pup!" he shouted angrily.

[Jack Frost]

Winter charged and swiped multiple times at Jack. But Jack had a plan. He barrel rolled under the swipes and turned, raising his hands up. A giant chunk of ice appeared under foot, tripping the behemoth. Jack charged leaping on it's back. He took several swings at the back of the beasts neck.

The beast roared in pain and swiped at Jack. But it's long bulky arm could not reach where Jack stood. Winter had no choice, he dropped the form and landed on the ground gasping. Jack stood over him.

Father winter huffed and puffed after a long fight. His long silver hair hung drenched in sweat. "Damn...you...Jack!" he roared firing several large spikes of ice. Jack knocked the icicles aside, grabbing one, and impaled Winter. Then let the ice expand and trap the man in ice. It expanded into a block. Then several other layers stacked on. Until a giant vault had been formed over Winter. He heard Jolly's voice "Good job! we need to find your anchor now." Jack nodded, perhaps he could get some blissful true sleep now.

He felt himself drift. The world above Radasanth trembled and the glass shattered under his feet. He opened his mouth to scream, and couldn't. He began to plummet. Landing in the park just outside where he was sleeping. Pain shot through his whole body. Something was wrong.

[Jack Frost]

Jack sat up gingerly. Snow covered everything in a fine powder. The aura was eerie, as if he was walking in a graveyard. All around him specters stalked past him, some passing through him. Jack shuddered and walked forward passing through the shop door. He saw Aušra and Leski working. Both were trying hard to make sales.

They looked sharp and clear compared to the rest of the world. "Hello?" he called out. Both Leski and Aušra looked up, staring past him. "welcome!" they called and passed right through him. Jack turned and looked. A customer had appeared in the doorway. Jack an icy voice called out. You cannot fight me.....I will win Jack realized that this voice was Winter.

Both girls completed the sale and returned to where they had been sitting. Above the mantle something caught Jack's eye. He gasped. His umbrella hung on a hook by a picture of him. his eyes were closed. He was dead. If you surrender....I will let you say goodbye to them. I will let you leave with them thinking you were just going on an adventure. Ignorance is bliss Jack. If you fight I will let them know how agonizingly you died.

Jack roared in outrage. "No such thing will happen!" he shrieked. "I stopped you here! I will find an anchor and stop you forever!" he roared. He heard Winter laugh, a cold, cruel laugh. We'll see. was all he replied.

[Jack Frost]

Jack felt sick. The dream he was in rippled and began to fall apart. Buildings collapsed and the world he was in faded to Black. Another dream started up. jack was in a tuxedo. on his finger was an engagement ring. He looked around. He was getting married. Music started and he turned to see two double doors open. A beautiful woman stepped out clad in all white. Her head was completely concealed.

Several figures stood up. Jack recognized one of them. Father Winter. He leaped onto the aisle an ran towards his future wife. Jack tried to run to her, his legs would not move. He watched Winter stab his ice covered blade into his wife, probably killing her instantly.

Jack screamed. All he saw was red. Then Winter lied dead at his feet. Tears cascaded down the pale mans cheeks. He turned to his would be wife. He knelt by her and heard Winter's cruel laugh. He began to lift her Veil, he had to see who she was. Then the dream began to collapse. He felt sick again. He was being tormented by a vengeful being who's age had ended long ago.

[Jack Frost]

The next dream was strange. It seemed Jack had woken up. Then he found he was lying in bed with a woman. Her face was turned, and the pale light made it impossible to discern her hair color. He rolled out of bed and walked to the next room.

The room was something of a joke Winter was playing. It was a nursery full baby beds. Looking at him was one child sitting up in bed. The aura darkened. "Papa" Winter's voice said sarcastically. "I love you papa." the young child climbed out of the crib and began to walk forward. More children speaking in Winters voice climbed out.

Soon there was a small army of young children. All asking Jack if he was proud of him. Jack began to panic. All of the children were armed. He drew his umbrella and started swinging. He was over powered, and the children swarmed him. The dream stopped and collapsed.

[Jack Frost]

Jack stood in a barren white room. The only other thing was the grand ice vault Jack had locked Winter away in. Now Jack..... Winter called out. Let's be civil. Let me free, or I will end you. His voice echoed in the room. Jack sneered. "Winter just shut up you don't scare me!" he roared.

Winter laughed and the ground collapsed. Jack screamed. Surely another nightmare was waiting.

[Jack Frost]

Jack awoke in a cold sweat. Jolly stood over him concerned. "Jack are you okay?" he asked cocking his head to the side. "Winter...tried to scare me into letting him out." he said gasping for air. Jolly smiled, "He can't do a thing but we need to find your anchor soon." he said yawning. "Go to sleep" the two said simultaneously.

apparently it was decided. They both needed to get some sleep. As Jack lied there waiting for sleep to come he though about Jolly. The penguin had sat awake waiting for Jack to awake. Something warmed in his heart, and stayed warm. "Night Jack" Jolly said closing his eyes.

"Goodnight Jolly" Jack said smiling. Then he closed his eyes, and went to sleep.

[Jack Frost]

Spoils:
Jack walks away with a slight notion of what he has to do.
He also has picked up the skill to make a sword out of his umbrella. At this point in his life it is about as strong as a steel sword.]

Clarification: Jack used some skills he had yet to attain in Part one. This is simply because his dream self is at full power. Later in Jacks adventures he will pick these skills up, along with a lot more.

[Revenant]

Condensed rubric requested.

STORY: 6

CHARACTER: 9

WRITING STYLE: 6

WILD CARD: 1

TOTAL: 22

I know no commentary was specifically requested but I feel like I should at least point out what could have been done better. This thread was all over the place. I got no sense of who Jack, or Father Winter, or Jolly were, what was going on, or why it was going on. Short posts aren’t necessarily bad, but there was no real substance here at all. Don’t be disheartened by the low score, and don’t be afraid to take more time to flesh out your stories. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Jack Frost receives 170 exp and 45 gp.

With a score this low, I cannot grant your requested spoils.

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added.


Quick Note :: Don't take the score too deeply to heart, as it's just a score. I'm not saying anything that's against what Revenant posted for his judgment, just putting up a friendly reminder that writing takes time and dedication and we all start somewhere. Keep at it, and you'll be doing better in no time. As Rev commented :: Don't be disheartened by the low score, and don't be afaid to take more time to flesh out your stories. It's the best advice any of us can give anyone!