Watch your step! (Closed)

[Caellach]

Closed to uttam123.
The new cloak felt heavy on his shoulders. It was not cumbersome while walking, but Caellach had not yet fought with his wolf pelt cloak. He had never really fought with any armor; in his youth he had trained occasionally with light leather armor, but not frequently and never with anything heavy or bulky. Thinking it would be rather unfortunate to find out in the middle of a real battle that the cloak heavily restricted his abilities due to its weight, Caellach had decided he would return to the Citadel and practice there instead.

He had been to the Citadel once before, but was still impressed by the intricate facade of the building. No longer shocked by the size of the Citadel as he had been the first time -- he had grown much more accustomed to cities since his last fight here -- he found himself marveling at it nonetheless.

Entering through the door brought him to the familiar scene of monks hurrying about their business. A sitting monk glanced up at his entrance, and Caellach made his way over to him and exchanged pleasantries.

"I've been hear only once before so I'm not positive how specific I should be with this request," Caellach began after saying hello. "I'm looking for an arena that forces you to use quick footwork, where one awkward move could have serious repercussions. Is that enough detail to go off of?"

The monk nodded and raised himself from his seat to escort Caellach to a plain door. Everything about the hallway was plain -- well crafted, but plain, both in construction and decoration. Smiling at the monk, Caellach pulled the door open and walked into a dimly lit room.

He almost slipped immediately. Glancing down, he saw that the entire floor was made of a rusty metal grate, iron by the looks of it. The red-flecked metal was not so widely spread that he would fall all the way through if he were to trip, but the holes in the grate were large enough for his foot or possibly his whole leg to slip down. Not to mention the bars might snap if strained.

The room seemed to have some eerie glow all around him; it was a reddish light that appeared to only spread horizantally. He could not see very far upwards or downwards, but the light allowed him to see around the full arena, a circle maybe 50 feet in diameter, fairly clearly.

The room was small enough that he had no need for his bow. Taking it from his back he laid it on the ground besides him. A sound from across the room drew his gaze, and he watched as his opponent entered the room.

[uttam123]

“Not this place again” Shade thought depressed as he kicked a few rocks toward the Citadel “I’ve been here too many times”. At this time he slumped down and looked at the travelers gazing at his humongous height.

Shade was bored of the Citadel and wanted to battle somewhere new not the same old same old place. He was extremely ecstatic about one thing it was a cold, breezy day with the clouds storming and rushing to cover up the sun. The gods must’ve answered his call and made sure his battle was not deprived by the scorching sun. Now his battle was cool and free, which was just the way he liked parts of life.

Shade got close to the Citadel and stopped for a moment. He kneeled down as per Dethroian culture and prayed for his darkest fears to not enact, which in Shades case was the release of his dark form. “Salim” he said out loud got back up and walked toward the monks of the Citadel.

Shade bowed down to the monk and said respectfully “Which battle is it for me today?”. The monk replied with a nod and gestured Shade to follow him. He stopped in front a plain door. The monk bowed and took his leave. Shade was about too open the door but stopped as he saw some slick on the ground of the door; he squatted down and took some of it on his fingers. Shade brought it up to his nose and took a heavy sniff, “Some slick off the feet off the last battler here, the person who chose must be agile and balanced” Shade said as he washed the slick off his hands on his robe which he really should change.

He opened the door and it made a very heavy creaking sound. As he put his head down avoiding the door a lot because he was too tall, he was very carefully and tried not to slip from the slick.

The room was very pure with iron metal grate but it had somewhat of a raging tune to it. Shade kneeled down at the bars to test them if they broke easy or not, it made a creaking sound but not enough to break when he puts pressure on it.

The arena was very small some places Shade could not even stand up, so he noted the places of which he should steer clear of mostly.

Shade then finally took some time to analyze his opponent “hmm” Shade thought in his head “ about 6 feet which is tall enough but still short, a ranger and swordsman looking at the sword on him and the bow placed on the ground, about his age maybe older, and too heavy of a cloak looking at his opponents tiny bit of his shoulders that is hunched down.

After Shade finished that he also concluded he was agile, fast, and balanced because of the way the arena is set up.

Shades eyes suddenly got ice blue like the ones of his opponents which strayed from the glowing lambent usually, his palms started glowing dark blue, he then turned his hands in directions and formed a chair fit for a king. Shade then sat down on it and questioned his opponent “ my name is Shade” Shade said and continued after a short breath “ What are the rules of this match?”. Shade then awaited an answer patiently still gazing at his enemies ice, cold eyes.

[Caellach]

Elvish, Caellach guessed as he sized his opponent up, and young too, by their standards. The robed figure was tremendously tall, and towered over Caellach by more than a few heads at least. The elf knelt down to test the weight of the bars, giving the impression that he was not incredibly agile. At least, not too much more sure-footed than I am, I hope.

Caellach began to walk towards the other side of the room, trying his damnedest to make his cautious steps seem little more than a casual saunter. He forced himself to keep his gaze on his opponent, and not the floor; the spaces in the grate were evenly spaced, and he mentally measured his strides to ensure he did not falter. Before the swordsman made it even halfway across his opponent began to cast some sort of spell. Caellach stopped, trying to look calm while at the same time remaining ready to jump out of the way of an attack.

A chair, he thought, barely concealing a scoff at his own paranoia, a fucking chair. Apparently the elf had some knowledge of frost magic as well, but obviously had more skill than Caellach. Barely able to create much more than a small sphere of ice, forming an icy chair was far out of the fledgling mage's reach. The small throne, to Caellach's surprise, rested easily on the grating. He was even more intrigued when his lanky opponent sat down on the chair without it slipping. The rusty metal bars beneath their feet were rounded and quite thin, but Caellach decided his opponent might have frozen the bottom of the chair to the grating for added stability.

Shaking off his momentary interest Caellach continued his strides toward his foe, more purposefully than before.

"My name is Shade," the elf offered, then finished by asking, "what are the rules of this match?"

Now almost three quarters of the way across the room, Caellach replied coolly, "Anything goes, Elf. You may strike first if you so desire... I pray you have not yet frozen your posterior to the chair."

He fingered the hilt of his sword lovingly before he drew it out of the sheath on his back. He gripped the handle with both hands and assumed a defensive position, keeping his weight balanced between his feet. Caellach usually found it easier to parry while centering his mass over his back foot, but wasn't sure that was the best plan in this arena. The farther he leaned back the more likely he would have to take a step back if his foe delivered a powerful blow, and blindly hoping his foot would find a bar and not a gap was not a prudent course of action.

[uttam123]

Shade watched the enemy’s actions slowly from the safeness off his throne. He must be very impressed by this chair as his gaze was very weird directionally at it. “Anyways swordsman my ass is not frozen to the chair that’s damn stupid” Shade said intrigued by the statement. “I usually do not attack first, but I will attack because you are so impending” Shade implied slowly getting out from his chair.

Shades heart pounded from the excitement coming from his next move, this one might be a little different. Shade got up jumping from the chair behind it, and then he grabbed the chair with his two hands and threw it at swordsman terrifyingly. Shade then ran forth while taking his daggers out of his holsters on the way. Shade stabbed with one dagger at the tricep of his left arm, then with the other hand he jumped over and stabbed the bicep of the same arm. Shade then ran backwards while throwing some of his poison-tipped knives at the poor swordsman.

Shades heart was pounding with anticipation, his heart beating like the waves of Anchorage. Shades brain was burning up while he was attacking devilishly, he was concerned something was happening too his brain.

It him that second, he grabbed his brain and started paining in all directions, Shade felt like his brain was rippling and turning all the same time. Shade fell down still grabbing his head with both hands.

After a while of suffering Shades brain slowly cooled down from the pain of near-death. He then picked himself up and sat back down. “It must be the atmosphere, I must finish this fast” Shade thought to himself feeling his head making sure there wasn’t any damage showing outside.

Shade got up and started formulating plans to win against the swordsman that seemed extremely experienced in the beautiful trackers eyes of Shade.

Shade seemed very troubled with his interprets. “Maybe my brain is being troubled” Shade thought slowly tapping his brain testing for tumor signs.

“So great swordsman are you still intact from my array of assault, if so what will you do next” Shade said with a huge smug on his face.

After Shade said this his lambent eyes stayed focused on the swords mans ice cold eyes looking for weaknesses.

[Caellach]

Impending? The hell is he talking about? Caellach didn't think he was being terribly threatening, what with standing still and offering his opponent the first attack. He decided he either heard incorrectly or it was some Elvish colloquialism. Before he had time to consider the matter any further, his opponent began the assault.

Sure isn't a relief he was only making a chair anymore, he thought with a wry grin as his opponent hefted the mighty frozen throne. The icy seat was too bulky to be deflected with a slash, and Caellach instead took a large step sideways. He had had time to quickly glance at his feet to ensure his footing as his opponent threw the chair, and avoided the massive projectile with ease.

Next, his opponent came rushing at him with twin daggers. He seemed to cross the floor with remarkable ease and speed; Caellach had not taken him for the agile type, but the metal grating seemed to be no obstacle to the towering elf. With a quick flourish of his blade he parried the first blade and took a small step to his right to dodge the second. However, without the time for looking down and not wanting to risk slipping, he didn't move quickly enough. His partial evasion had caused the knife to miss it's intended target, but it left a shallow gash on the side of his upper arm nonetheless. Before he could even consider counter attacking the elf had ran backwards, away from Caellach, flinging throwing knives as he went.

Caellach turned swiftly and ducked, the air whooshing just above his head. He felt one of the blades strike his cloak, but it hadn't pierced the thick pelt. Rising without hesitation, he turned back only to find his opponent undergoing some sort of mental pain. Deciding he had already given the foe enough of an advantage by choosing to defend, he rushed towards the sitting assassin.

The swordsman had not been cautious in his hasty advance -- barely glancing at the bars his feet landed on -- because his opponent had been sitting, but before he got in range the elf was back on his feet. Some comment about Caellach's next move was made, but the swordsman paid it no heed. He held his sword pointed at the behemoth's mid-section, but made no formal slash or thrust. Instead he simply ran at his opponent, hoping that he would not fall and would at least be able to tackle the elf if his sword was deflected.

[uttam123]

Shade was very interested in the moves of the swordsman; he had not seen someone that skilled against his guerrilla tactics in a long time. Shade was happy then sad all at the same time. “Those slashes have poison in them, they were cut by my poison daggers, you’ll start feeling weak, nauseous, and finally it will sap your energy” Shade said proudly as he watched him parry the knives with ease.

Shade then saw the swordsman rush against him with his sword armed in an attempt to throw me off balance. Shade was an assassin, a tracker, a strategist, but his will was heavy so he took the strike straight in the chest. It left a bruise through the steel chest plate and he staggered backward, but the young swordsman did not seem to make any move after the strike.

Shade put his daggers back in their respective holsters, and was thinking of a different way to use his tactics. Shade decided to stand clear of his daggers and using his fists instead of his daggers. Shades eyes got black, his palms grew even blacker as he made 5 black spears slowly. Shade then threw all them one by one at each pressure point from heads to legs. Shade used his fast getaway ability to run straight at the swordsman with immense speed. Shade first threw a kick at the right side of the swordsman face then punched twice at the stomach, then jumped above him while kicking the left side of his face, then landed softly and punched twice at the spine.

Shade then did a backflip and moved away from the swordsman getting stabbed by spears and punched like death himself.

There was a pain deep inside the bruise where the enemy stabbed. Shade quickly tore off his robe, getting his medical kit out to bandage the wound which was bleeding heavily. “Quite a blade you got there swordsman” Shade said putting his kit away and pointing at his bandaged chest. At this point the behemoth was sitting on the ground undisturbed by the fact that there were metal grinders on the floor.

Shade took out a dagger and sharpened it on the grinders. A slow bell rung deep inside Shades head and he switched position from seating to kneeling and spoke not a little bit disturbed “This is known as the holy period in Alganian culture, I cant do any violence in this period of 5 minutes, so do you what you can swordsman” Shade finished without a hint of frustration.

[Caellach]

Okay, I apologize if I mess up anything here or misinterpret your actions, but I really don't understand a lot of things in your post, so a quick little PM wouldn't resolve it lol. First, you say you said Caellach will start feeling weak from the poison AS you watched him parry the knives with ease. Not only are you talking as if your dagger had already slashed me (which happened after my parry) but you say I parried kniveS, plural, and I only parried one. Plus, that happened in post 2, and you don't say you said it until later in post 4... Caellach would have heard it before he charged, and possibly changed his mind... However, he can't, because I didn't read it until after he charged. Please don't add extra dialogue or actions after I've already reacted, it cuts down on confusion, and makes it more fair. Second, you completely ignore that Caellach's momentum would not have been stopped by his sword hitting metal, and act as if he just stopped and stood there as you "staggered back." Third, if Caellach did stop, he still would have been right next to you, so you would have had to "stagger" a pretty far distance in order to have the room to form spears (note "made 5 black spears slowly") and throw them at me... and Caellach likely would have had time to attack again. Fourth, you say my sword only bruised you, and did not puncture your armor. But, somehow, it starts bleeding externally (a bruise is caused by internal bleeding). Furthermore, you bandage yourself only by removing your robe, and not removing your steel armor. While I'm sure your armor appreciates your tender ministrations, I'm not sure what effect a cloth bandage would have had on the armor or your wound. I apologize if this sounds harsh, but honestly you taking a lot of time to "stagger back" and later to bandage yourself more or less forces me to come up with some reason why Caellach did not cleave your head from your spine. In my opinion, role-playing isn't just about making your own character super duper cool, it's about allowing your partners to make their characters super duper cool as well.

As Caellach's sword met the hidden metal armor of his opponent, he had to quickly halt his advance. He would not have been able to get his sword out of the way between himself and his opponent, and would have ran directly into the hilt of the weapon. He grunted with effort as his placed his front foot firmly on a bar to stop his momentum. His opponent appeared to have at least felt the impact from the attack as the elf quickly scrambled away.

Caellach then felt an unsettling twinge in his stomach. He recalled the assassin had mentioned something about his daggers being poisoned, but Caellach had assumed most of the poison would be concentrated in the tip. The part of the blade that had scatched the side of his arm had been the edge of the dagger, but he supposed the slight feelt of nausea indicated at least a small amount of poison had entered his system. Guess I need to end this sooner rather than later, he thought as he watched his opponent form spears from the surrounding shadows. That's quite a trick, solidifying shadow...

Projectiles as small as an arrow or throwing knife were much too fast and too tiny for Caellach to block with his sword, but the spears were rather large. However, multiple spears one after the other would be too difficult, so he readied himself to dodge sideways. As the first spear came, he leaned to the side a bit and smashed his sword into the shaft, just beyond the tip, deflecting it past his head. He briefly glanced down at the grating as he dodged the next one with a small hop, and readied himself to repeat. Parry, dodge, parry, and the last three spears were evaded or deflected one by one.

The defense had been slightly draining, perhaps more so than usual due to the trace amount of poison, and had required a good deal of quick reflexes and timing. This only added to Caellach's relief as it became apparent his foe was not going to attack with his daggers. As his opponent began to charge the swordsman considered simply sticking his sword out and trying to impale the giant elf, but instead decided he'd prefer to defend and then counter.

As the elf's leg came flying at his face the swordsman dipping his head under it to dodge it. He did not want to and did not have the time to sheath his sword, so he used it's weight to his advantage by bashing his opponent's first punch with the pommel of the weapon. He wasn't sure if there was enough force to injure the hand but it at least blocked the punch. The second punch landed low enough that it did not knock the wind out of Caellach, and he only grunted and clenched his teeth in response. His opponent then jumped up high, much higher than Caellach would have guessed he was able to, and aimed another kick at the young warrior's head. Slightly taken aback by the height of the leap, Caellach wasn't able to duck all the way under the foot, but managed to keep his balance. A dull ache began to throb where he had been kicked, and before he knew it his opponent punched him twice in the back. Luckily the elf did not appear to be a skilled hand to hand fighter, and the punches broke no bones. However, the force of the impact still caused Caellach to pitch forward, landing on his knees, sword skittering out of his hands.

Strings of expletives surged through his head as he dove forwards, just barely grasping the handle of the sword as it started to slide through a gap in the grating. He grasped the blade and rolled over, ready to defend against another attack, but it never came. Instead he got up to find that Shade was bandaging himself. Caellach hesitated momentarily as the elf finished, intrigued that the combatant would be so carefree. Or careless, perhaps. Careless and lucky.

“This is known as the holy period in Alganian culture, I can't do any violence in this period of 5 minutes, so do you what you can swordsman,” his opponent said rather calmly.

Nothing I've ever heard of, Caellach thought before shrugging his shoulders. He was past trying to understand anything this elf said. After glancing at his blade just to ensure himself he really hadn't lost it -- the sword was quite precious to him -- he brought it over his shoulder and ran towards his kneeling opponent, careful to avoid missing the bars below.

He brought the iron weapon down hard towards his opponent's neck, hoping to strike flesh instead of steel.

[uttam123]

Im very sorry ill be much more clearer next time and cut down on my beer count while posting yours especially lol


Shades karma started acting as his enemy aimed for the neck with his steel blade. “Karma hurts” Shade said as he saw the sword slash at his behemoth sized head. The behemoth saw he was slouched a bit, so he straightened himself up and made sure the blade only reached the bottom of his neck and ended up not being life threatening. Shade was hit to the side by the enemy’s blade still kneeling down. Shade ended up only getting a few a bruises, but anymore damage to the side of his neck might cut his flow off and he would die much easily.

As the 5 minutes slowly ended and he got up and saw his opponent motionless after the attack. “Well someone hoped I was dead a little too much to stand frozen like that warrior” Shade said stretching himself slowly. “Now for my onslaught of hits” Shade thought to himself with anticipation. Shades eyes glowed ice blue, his palms reddening then turning a dark shade of blue, he then made a shield and armed it. Shades eyes once again glowed ice blue, his palms reddening and turning a dark shade of blue, he then made a sword fit for a Hero and armed that as well.

Shade then ran straight at the swordsman stabbing the ice sword at the ribs of his enemy, after that he let go of it and then spinned over to his back and shoved the ice cold shield in his back. Shade then kicked at the left side of the enemy, then at the right side and back-flipped back a few meters away from the enemy.

After his onslaught all he did was wait for the enemy to make any reactions for the array of weapons. Shade was not hurting from the stab of his enemy and not much pain from his brain anymore.

Shade then just waited for reactions his adrenaline pumping, anticipation rocketing, and brain working at 1000 miles per hour “Nothing can match this emotions” he thought trying to hide his small smile.

Shade then said nothing and waited for his enemy to move.

[Caellach]

I'm sorry but this just isn't working for me. Unless I'm mistaken your neck is made of skin and tissue, so if my sword hit you, you wouldn't just fall over lol... Furthermore, I never stated that Caellach didn't attack again, I just left it open so that you could role-play dodging/taking/blocking/whatever-you-wanting his attack, so you writing that I stood there for 5 minutes is bunnying in my opinion. Do you have any idea how long 5 minutes is in a battle? You launch like 10 attacks per post, it just gets confusing. Plus, your bruise that somehow was bleeding all of a sudden doesn't seem to be bleeding because of a bandage you put over your armor, and it didn't hurt (despite not having any kind of pain tolerance skill) that my sword hit you in the neck (even if you do have some kind of adamantium reinforced neck so the attack only knocked you over, I'm not sure how it can't hurt if any more damage "might cut his flow off and he would die much easily." ). I'm sorry, but I'm just not having any fun when you're forcing my character to stand still. Plus, the way you write is so confusing, I have to re-read half your post thrice every time. Not to mention I feel like I'm fighting a level 10 jedi master. I apologize if English isn't your first language and you're trying your best, and I really do not mean offense by this OOC comment (in fact I've rewritten this twice trying to make it less insulting), but this duel is downright painful for me. Make a final post and include any spoils you want in it and I'll submit this.

As the icy blade slid into his abdomen, just below his ribs, Caellach felt an odd sort of relief. His opponent seemed to launch attack after attack without losing pace, and the swordsman was, quite frankly, tired. Perhaps it was the poison from the assassin's knives or perhaps it was just fatigue, but Caellach had no urge to fight anymore. He let the blade sink deep into his stomach, clenching his teeth against the pain. But, somehow his acceptance of his end -- or rather, temporary demise -- seemed to dull the pain partially.

He was then shoved from behind, and fell forward. His knee struck an extra rusty bar, and he felt the metal give way under his weight. His whole leg sunk down quickly into the blackness, and the rush caused the rest of his weight to break two more bars. Finally this is over with, he thought as he plummeted downwards towards oblivion.

[uttam123]

english is my 4th language actully, and maybe ur just difficult lol jk, ill get more experience and then fight u again if u want sorry about all of this it must have bin very painful to write with me also umm for it to be 10 posts u need to do one more l if its not painful anymore


Shade was not feeling well at all. Shade crushed the ground with his dagger cutting its metal grate straight open. He felt terrible "I did not win this" Shade thought awfully "This is far from what I expected". Shade then jumped through the hole he made with his daggers attempting to find anything.

As he fell the moss and blood disgusted him to deaths end. He then found a branch close at the end and he grabbed it slowly falling to the ground. Shade saw nothing but bones and old rags, he saw a light opening and squirmed through there to get away from his failure.

[Silence Sei]

• STORY ~ Caellach

Continuity (5/10) ~ Though just going to the citadel just to test out a pelt isn’t the best of ideas, it remained consistant with what your character has done before.

Setting (7/10) ~ I really enjoyed this setting, and if not for the non-use of it for the mots part, you would have earned a 10 for this arena. However, you still got a high score, as almost every one of your posts refered to being careful on the bars.

Pacing (4/10) ~ Though it really wasn’t your fault, and I can understand as I battled uttam myself, your fight did end kind of abruptly.

Total 16/30
uttam

Continuity (3/10) ~ Please try to remember to carry your story from previous quests/fights into others. Referring to the Dark Lord was a good start to this, and prevented you from earning a 1.

Setting (1/10) ~ It really hurts when I have to give someone anything below a 3. However, not only did you not react in any way to the arena (You –are- a ten foot elf, for Thayne’s sake), you did create another setting, even if it did interfere with your opponent saying the pit was a bottomless void. Please try to interact with your surroundings more.

Pacing (2/10) ~ Your character went from calmly sitting to becoming an insane powerhouse in seconds. Furthermore, you bandaged yourself (I’ll ignore that the armor was there, for now) without ever referring to that particular wound again. Think about if you get a bruise on your chest. If it’s fresh, it throbs in pain, it hurts to move anything directly attached to , such as shoulders, and in extreme cases your heartbeat is a damn annoyance.

Total 6/30
• CHARACTER ~

Caell


Dialogue (5/10) ~ Pretty average dialogue for what you were given. Nothing too special really. I don’t really know how to help you improve here, as dialogue heavily relies on your opponent as well.

Action (5/10) ~ Pretty good action sequences, though I would have liked to see one of those bars break under your weight and make you a sitting duck during uttam’s sitting duck phase. That would have been hilarious.

Persona (5/10) ~ You captured Caellach’s frustration with his foe and his shock at the size of Shade very well. Be sure to give his traits more physical manifestations as well. I’m not sure about you, but if I was facing a ten foot giant, my heart would be in my throat from fear.

Total 15/30

uttam

Dialogue (2/10) ~ You went from Shade talking into performing an action without quotation marks ending the phrase several times. Furthermore, you managed to know things about your opponent before he was doing them, and taunt him with it. You need to realize when your foe is saying something, and when he is doing something. Likewise, you should check for your quotation marks whenever you want Shade to speak.

Action (1/10) ~ Shade should not be able to generate an ice chair at level 0. He should not be able to take the hits he did with just bruises and not a decapitated head at level 0. Please remember that Shade is a warrior in a world full of warriors. You have people like Letho and Godhand who are meant to be physically superior to your character, and you have people like Caellach who, while at your level, you should still have average strength against. Try picturing Shade as yourself, rather than you as Shade. IF you got hit with a sword in the neck, you’d be dead. At this point, so would Shade.

Persona (3/10) ~ You managed to capture some emotions in Shade, even if they were just empathy and fear for the Dark Lord rising up. His prayer thing was kind of nice and showed his loyalty to his faith. Once again, picture Shade as you in the situation, write how you would feel, what emotions would be running through your head. Stuff ike that

Total 6/30
• WRITING STYLE ~ [Caellach]

Technique (5/10) ~ Didn’t see any spectacular literary devices here. As such, can’t really suggest much myself.

Clarity (8/10) ~ You were very clear without me having to re-read much of anything, good job.

Mechanics (5/10) ~ There were a few spelling errors in your writing, and I believe I saw some homonyms as well. Be sure to write ‘can not’ instead of ‘can’t’ when your character is not speaking.
Total 18/30

[uttam]

Technique (1/10) ~ Your technique was going from first person to second, from dialogue to action without any clear distinction as to which was which. Choose one writing style and go with it. Don’t say ‘Shade walked into the bar where I saw this hot chick’. Keep it like ‘Shade walked into a bar and noticed a hot chick’, or ‘I walked into a bar and noticed a hot chick’. But not both. I already told you about the dialogue thing as well.

Clarity (0/10) ~ I had to re-read your posts a LOT to understand what had happened, and even then I wasn’t completely sure. Try to make things clearer to the reader. Just because you understand it doesn’t mean I do. Think to yourself ‘is this something someone else could understand’. I know English is not your first language, but please try to think about the situation from someone else’s shoes.

Mechanics (0/10) ~ Your posts were ripe with spelling errors. I would suggest using Microsoft word or some other spell check service before you post up your posts. This will greatly help you improve in this area.
Total 1/10
[calleach]
Wild Card (7/10) ~ You worked around powergaming and tried your best to continue the thread. Of course, if you hadn’t of quit, your score probably would have been better here at the sacrifice of some pacing points probably, but that’s whatever.

[uttam]
Wildcard (5/10) ~ I just feel really bad scoring you so low up until this point. I wanted to give you a 5 somewhere, and this is the only area where I can do that.


Final Score ~ 56-18, Calleach’s favor.

Caellach gets 505 exp, and 50 GP

Uttam123 gets 50 exp, and 10 GP

Hope my comments helped.

[Silence Sei]

gp-exp added.