Bridge over the River... (Closed)

[Hysteria]

Talen squinted as he walked through the door and into the light of day. The magic of the Citadel had transported the diminutive shadow fighter to an arena to do battle and Talen felt he was ready to enter the fray. It had been months since Talen had fought, and lost his last battle and the youth felt he needed to test himself once more as only the Citadel could.

The youth may have felt the part, but he looked far from a normal warrior. Due to a magical mishap, the 19 year-old looked, and acted, 13. He was barely a metre and a half tall, but carried himself with confidence. He wore simple black pants and shirt and had short black hair. At his waist he carried two swords, Asian in their make and decorated with scales on the hilts and sheaths.

Talen was already rolling up his sleeves as he surveyed the area he was going to fight in. The boy stood on a rickety bridge dangling five metres above the rapid waters of a river. As his blue eyes looked around he realised that the bridge was near the bottom of a deep ravine, with each side of the bridge ending in sheer wall, with the supports drilled into the rock face somehow. It was clear that the bridge has been placed not to cross the river, but to fight above it. A crack of wood on wood turned the youth's attention to the river. Down the river flowed hundreds of logs of wood, some full cylindrical trunks, others cut in half or into odd shapes. The fast water jostled and pushed the logs against each other and Talen's face twisted in thought as to the purpose of the wood.

With his sleeves rolled up to allow for move movement, the youth placed his hand on the hilt of one of his swords and waited for his opponent to arrive. The twenty foot bridge swayed gently in the breeze as the scene was painted by midday sunlight and touched by the sound of water splashing below.

Its quite pretty actually...

[Duffy]

Duffy gave the young boy the once over, before realising already that he was in trouble. History and thus fate had a curious and incredibly annoying habit of catching up with him. No matter how quickly he ran, nor how quickly he fell, there was always something far too eager to remind himself of the past. In this particular instance, he was reminded of a brief interlude and return to thievery and adventure, not much more than a summer ago. The Golden Leaf criminal operation had fallen beneath the rag-tag bunch of do-gooders, that was sure enough, but he could not help but feel remorse for the lives he had taken in the pursuit of morality - the lives, he now realised, the boy had taken too.

With a kick in his step, he wandered out through the concealed door of the Citadel's fighting dome and felt instantly queer on the bridge. It's gentle, wave like motion was a little too familiar to the easily sea-sick bard. He grasped the rail tightly and tried not to look over the sheer drop into the swirling maelstrom of foam far below. He waited for a moment to compose himself before casting Talen a charmed smile.

"It has been a long time, Talen, perhaps too long, but here we cross paths under spurious circumstances once again." Whilst he had not paid much attention to physics and engineering before now, the structure of the bridge caused his interest to pique and he traced the far bulkhead and its heavy deadweight pressing against the rock. He imagined Talen had entered from the far side, and stepped into the arena through the rock itself, which was nothing more than a rippling portal into carnage.

"I am afraid to say I don't remember much of that day, except blood and the blur of blades in the service of good, honest folk." He winked, and moved away from the rail slowly. The wind whipped his demi-cloak into a dramatic motion to his left, and his hair bobbed with it, sticking out as it did from beneath his now trademark white bandanna. "Remind me a thing or two, we're here for whatever purpose, we might as well remember the good old days with the recital of memories!"

He unsheathed the katarhna from its customary place crossed over his spin and tucked under his cloak and drew Nail from under his weather-worn belt. Without making any sudden movements, he lowered his weapons to his sides and tried to conjure a drive and reason to strike someone he considered to be a friend; at worst, an acquaintance. Fighting a stranger in the Citadel was easy, there was no reverence or repercussion to deal with once the dust settled, no long standing bickering to contend with. When it was someone you know, however fleetingly, there was always the danger of cutting more than skin.

The crash of the logs below broke the silence into fleeting yet ominous pauses, and Duffy stepped bravely forwards towards his opponent with the smell of salt in his nostrils and the sound of the winter mountain thaw rumbling up the rock walls like the footsteps of giants pounding in his head.

[Hysteria]

Talen was taken aback by the serendipity of Duffy entering the same Citadel room as himself. The bard and shadow puppeteer had fought together in their few chance meetings, this time it would be first where they would face each other. As Duffy spoke Talen listened; but as mush as he tried he could not make heads or tails of what the charming chatterbox said.

“Hello Duffy, I see you are as ello'kwaint as ever.” Said Talen with a smug grin at using a fancy word, “I wasn't expecting this, but it is good we get to test our strength against each other.”

Talen had already moved has hands from the swords on his left hip and was twisting them around one another. Darkness streamed from his finger tips into a growing ball of swirling energy. The youth smiled and lifted the energy cradled in his right hand above his head. The energy floated in the air, slowing solidifying into black rose. As soon as it was formed it started to bloom, two black petals pealing outwards.

“I am going to fight hard Duffy, I know that we shall not experience any lasting scars from this battle and I hope you do the same.”

Talen moved with slow, purposeful movements. He drew the smaller of his two swords with his left hand and placed his right on the hilt of his other. The gleaming metal of the sword caught the light, showing the clear snake design etched along the length of the blade. The youth jerked his body forwards, reaching to his right and then slashing across Duffy's chest.

[Duffy]

"There shall be no lasting physical scars, at least. I can't be sayin' the same for the mind though," he tapped the side of his skull with a cheeky grin, and set about crossing his weapons before him in a defensive stance. It was a simple and effective position that leant itself to deflecting blades trusted or slashed into its guard, and was simple enough to maintain whilst operating a certain roguish malefic - a good sense of humour was Duffy's true shield.

He keenly watched the boy, who he knew to be so much more than appearances described, and patiently waited for the opening strike. He tensed as the sword flashed in the sun and came in from the left. With instincts quicker than a fox's, he turned his crossed blades to an angle and caught the steel between the dagger and the katarhna. He flinched as they struck - he tested his catch with a slight push, and when he realised he had been successful, pushed his blades outwards in two swings to push Talen's sword-hand back. He retreated several steps as he did so, bouncing from foot to foot as if it were the foxtrot or the more drunken stylishness of the ballroom brogue.

"Very good!" He praised, spinning his dagger twice and tossing it. He caught it in a reverse grip and tucked it behind his back, secreting it into the small between muscular hips like an assassin's last word. He pulled back his katarhna and let its weight fall behind him, and then ran forwards. He lifted his left foot up at the last moment, and as he brought it down, he brought the katarhna up over his head and drove it, with all the pendulum gravity he could muster down towards the dead-centre of Talen's forehead. It was a simple, effective but unskilled attempt at drawing out the talent he knew the boy possessed. Whilst it might have cut trees in two, the darkness of the heart was a more resilient parry for even the strongest blade.

[Hysteria]

High above the raging waters the Shadow Puppeteer could only look on as his attack was caught in mid-swing by the Bard. Duffy pushed off and released the blade, causing Talen to stumble backwards across the wooden planks of the bridge. Just as Talen managed to steady himself, Duffy was already moving forwards and lifting his sword high over head.

Talen had placed his right hand on the hilt of his Katana for a reason; to counter Duffy’s next move. The youth drew the Katana with a swish and locked both his blades together in an X shape above his head. Duffy’s sword crashed into Talen’s and the youth’s arms strained under the force of the blow. Talen smiled through the crossed blades at Duffy. The youth opened his mouth and shadows swirled into a vortex just above his mouth. The darkness snapped still and released a thin jet of black liquid into the air towards Duffy.

The youth had aimed just below the crossed swords and as the jet past his hands, Talen twisted his wrist and activated the device attached to it. A small spark travelled from under Talen’s wrist, into the stream of black liquid causing it to ignite. The flame licked across the black oil as it moved through the air.

Behind the fray the floating black flower caught the sunlight and gleamed. It continued to bloom at its slow pace with another two petals opening and others continuing. Four of the nine had now completely opened.

[Duffy]

Talen's gambit came as such a surprise, Duffy struggled to contain his stupidity. The liquid enveloped his shoulder and upper torso, and he instantly felt a chiding cold on his skin as it soaked through the flimsy cotton material and stained the pure white tabard and cloth with sacrilegious shadow. The crossing of katana and Katarhna was ironic enough, but the use of his own, if not a similar weapon to that of his Tinder Gear was beyond coincidence.

He stepped back with a bounce akin to a triumph, which was short lived as the familiar click set the liquid ablaze and the searing light of flame danced along the falling tendrils and vapours that connected the boy with the thief. Instinct set in, a primal need to avoid an explosion, and as the cloth ruptured alight and Duffy felt the warm glow of danger, he dropped to his knees.

Half screaming through reflexes, half through pain, he rolled wildly back and forth on the bridge and rocked it too and fro gently with his squabbling. The flames licked the air and fought against the extinguishing motion, and finally they faded, and Duffy fell prone; little wisps of black smoke trailed from his left shoulder and back.

"Ugh," he groaned eventually, before pushing himself upright. His arm trembled, beset with a deep neurosis and narcotic sense of pain. Adrenaline kept it at bay, but it shook feebly as it struggled to hold his relatively lacking weight. "Nicely," he pushed onto his haunches, "done." The liquid, as Talen could tell when Duffy looked up at him, had taken its toll on his arm and burnt away the material. His left shoulder was singed, his clothing almost melted away, and his neck was blackened.

"You know what they say, though." He clicked his shoulder, to ease away the stiffness and stood upright. The bridge wobbled in his field of vision as hunger, fatigue and weakness set it all too soon. "If you play with fire," he pulled back both wrists and ran forwards, closing the gap between them so that the range of his own flame would be sufficient. His gloves clapped together as he pushed them forwards and two rushes of liquid, similar in design but different in origin squirted together and towards Talen.

Behind them, sparks from the tinder flints on his fingers ignited the agelethien, and retaliated the boy's attack with a brighter and more scientific application.

"You get burnt!" He roared, every muscle in his body tense, every inch of his soul singing with anger.

[Hysteria]

As the flames licked across the bard Talen felt a pang of guilt. Though his attack was not a deadly one, the burns would be very painful. The youth took a step back as Duffy fell to the planks of the bridge and rolled around screaming. The feelings of guilt were quickly replaced with amusement. The slight smile that had smeared itself across Talen’s face was quickly wiped away as Duffy pulled himself up and unleased his own fiery ability.

Fire with fire. Though Talen acidly.

The youth stumbled backwards as the thought generated an idea. Talen’s ability wasn’t to shoot fire, but shoot a flaming liquid and Duffy’s seemed to be the same. The youth repeated his same attack again as the flames roared through the air. Darkness spiralled into Talen’s mouth and he released a jet black liquid.

Talen didn’t bother to ignite the liquid and for a second the black oil penetrated the flames and caused the fire to mushroom. In an instant the liquid ignited and flames radiated outward from the epicentre of the collision. Talen pushed harder, forcing more liquid into the growing inferno. The ball reached critical mass and exploded, sending a shower of fire into the air.

Talen brought his arms up in front of his face as it rained droplets of flaming liquid. Pain cascaded across the young fighter’s body as he pushed his sword hilts together and grabbed them awkwardly in one hand. With his free hand he wildly started brushing himself down and trying to clear away the flames that had settled on his body.

“Touché.” Said Talen moving his swords back to both hands.

The flames had settled on the bridge around the two fights and slowly started burning through the wood and rope. Talen’s eyes glanced at the flames and then back to Duffy. The youth smiled, trying to ignore the pain from the small burns across his arms. He lowered his sword tips to planks of wood and touched them against the shadow of their blades. The shadows twisted and lifted off the wood, forming two small black snakes. The little reptiles instantly slithered towards Duffy with their jaws open wide as a distraction.

Behind Talen the shadow flower opened two more petals, but the youth didn’t let it bloom any more. The six open petals dropped off the flower and suddenly changed course. The palm size leaves spun through the air with razor sharp precision around Talen and moved along the bridge towards Duffy.

[Duffy]

The fear of fire, or more so, the fear of fire burning the land was washed from Duffy's mind as his instincts kicked in. In a flash, he sheathed his blade and rolled into a backwards handspring as the first of the projectiles zipped towards him. It whistled past his ear as he up-righted mid roll and embedded into the rock as if it were made of razor sharp steel as he landed clumsily upright.

"What in the?" He mumbled, before ducking with a snap of the spine and a splaying motion as a second narrowly cut through his path and nearly ended the battle early. A third skimmed his ear, a fourth cut the floor of the bridge as it veered wildly off course and fell delicately down to the raging waters below.

"You ain't supposed to be takin' my advice literally!" He proclaimed, referring to his fight fire with fire comment. As it turned out, Duffy only liked that option when it was him taking the first shots.

The fifth gave him little time for acrobatics, and he pulled back his right shoulder and performed a stationary spin with a snap of the knees and a sharp intake of breath. In the skating world, it might have been called a triple doublet, but in the harsh reality of street theatre, you called it 'being a lucky son of a.' The petal joined it's cousin in the wall of rock behind Duffy, and as the thief landed, smiling to proclaim his assumed victory, he felt a sharp twang where the final petal cut into his shoulder and faded.

"You mother of a goat!" He ran his left hand over his demi-cloak, which covered his right shoulder. The white clock was stained red already, as the simple but effective cut bled his life-force onto the logs far below. His momentum and erratic movement had only sped up the progress of the bleed and his head span at the nausea.

"First ya burn me, then ya cut me," he grimaced as he patted the cloth into the cut to staunch it as best he could whilst on the move and lacking Ruby's tender loving touch to heal him. "I don't be liking this adult tone you've got now Talen!"

He pulled Wainwright's Riposte from his belt slowly, eagerly, lovingly. As the flames licked the sky on either side of the bridge, and the planks and ropes snapped with deep cracks between the roar of burning air, Duffy stepped slowly forwards through the smoke towards the boy. He span the dagger in his left hand, which was stained red, and clenched his right.

"I've been burning to do this!" He ran forwards, pulled his dagger back, and deftly entered an erratic feign dance as he rolled into the boy and punched the blade towards his shoulder - in exactly the same spot as the petal had cut him. A hop, skip and a jump o' pain, as you might say. His heavy boots squished the heads of the shadow snakes as they slithered over the wood; he had no time for animalism, or the tricks of under hand mages - he wanted to fight fair, square, or at least his way!

At the back of his mind, he activated the tenement of the dagger and it erupted into a cloud of black smoke, dark, archaic energies and pure malefic - out of the steel, Lucian's remnant poured, evil, corrupting darkness ensconced onto the weapon itself. Flashes of anger and pain illuminated Duffy's eyes.

[Hysteria]

The youth looked on with dismay as only one of his attack struck Duffy. The trepidation that had filled Talen at the start of the fight had completely gone now, replaced with an ecstasy of battle. The youth could taste the pain of the man he faced, and though he considered Duffy something between a friend and an acquaintance, it didn’t stay his hand. It was this battle lust that caused Talen to ignore the important, the flames that were eating through wood and rope as the battle continued.

Talen’s blue eyes were fixated on the dagger the prancing warrior trust forwards. The youth twisted slightly and narrowed his eyes. The movement was quick; the youth stepped to his left and brought his katana around in a blur. The blades struck in flash of shadow magic as the two sources of the dark energy hit. Talen lifted his left arm and was about to strike when a large snap sounded over the churning water below.

The bridge rocked to the side as one of the side ropes finally burnt through. Talen stumbled backwards and looked behind Duffy to the rest of the bridge. Even Talen could see that there were only seconds until the fire ate through enough of the bridge that the whole thing would collapse. The youth slid his katana back into his belt and grabbed the remaining guide rope.

“This’ll be a fun ride!” shouted Talen.

There was another snap and the whole left side of the bridge fell. Talen jerked to stop as he dangled from the last remaining rope spaning the river with the wooden planks hanging limply from the remaining side. Talen tried to concentrate through the pain through his arm as he held on. His eyes were fixed towards the centre of the rope where the fire was quickly bringing the bridge to an end. There was another crack and the last rope snapped.

Talen’s form disappeared for an instant. His body broke down into energy and moved several inches straight up as the bridge fell. The limited ability to teleport was not something that normally granted Talen much use in battle, but this time it was different. The spell worked against gravity, meaning Talen was now above the falling remains of the bridge. The youth felt the air zip past him, but refused to slow down. His free hand shot forwards as he free fell and streaks of darkness spread outwards like a net, forming a semi-circular cage three metres wide and two deep. The darkness solidified and Talen finished his spell.

The youth wasn’t sure that he’d catch Duffy, so focused he had been on the timing that he had to guess where the acrobat would be. Talen was also not sure about what would happen if he did catch Duffy, if the cage would sink below the water or if the logs would stop it. What Talen did know though, as the wind whipped against his black hair and cloths as he fell, he looked good.

[Duffy]

The wrath and the ruin of gravity was a tempest unleashed on Duffy's reflexes. Although he had sworn he had finally tempered Talen's defences, the bridge gave way, as if to scorn him further. With a twang, the guide ropes gave way beneath the scouring heat of the twin-flame's lick and the bridge fell away. The planks separated and the panels of the railing split apart and fell down like iron rain and solid pine snow. The sudden inertia and sickness in Duffy's throat told him the impact if he simply fell would kill him, his senses told him to fight against the fall, to flip, roll and stumble with the same grace he displayed in his movements on the stage.

He concentrated for a moment, and then found his foot connecting with a falling log, and he came to life. He kicked off the wood and leapt across to a larger grouping of wood, still strapped together with refugee lashings. The rush of the air and the smell of smoke tainted his nostrils and made it harder and harder to breath, but a short series of back flips and leaps brought him up three tiers through the rubble and onto a length of the bridges under croft.

"Perfect," he mumbled, tapping it with his foot to check if it was hollow. He glanced up and saw Talen floating down far above, suspended aloft by some magic spell or another. He sighed, knowing he would suffer the impact alone and be left with the bruises and sodden clothes to try and stave the shadow dancer’s advances. A second passed, and then a great and powerful explosion erupted all around.

Riding the very top of the falling bridge allowed Duffy to crash into the raging river without having things then fall on top of him. As each wave of wood and metal hit the water, the rolling logs from the imaginary timber yards wobbled and turned and bunched up. When he finally landed, the railing vanished underwater and he fell into the cold depths.

The neat and ordered pattern in the logs was now a chaotic mess of shattered timber and white foam. Quickly, the river started to wash it away, pulling all under its spell with a powerful rush of primal nature. Duffy spluttered and gasped water under the surface, and scrabbled and tried to swim upwards. He went with the motions of the current, and came up against a barrier of wood some two hundred feet from where he had landed. His hand appeared above the surface, then dissipated, and then again ten feet along.

"Argh!" He roared as his head appeared, and his arms swung up and latched onto a log. The water cascaded from his shoulders and flattened his hair, his bandana long lost to the thief in the shadows of the river. Slowly, but surely, he pulled himself up and stood precariously on the platform of fast moving mahogany. He turned, triumphant, and looked up at the distant Talen.

He waved his arms triumphantly, but instantly felt the tenses in his limbs and the twang of pain on either side of his ribcage from the tumble with the rubble beneath the surface. He had taken a beating, but had survived.

"Come on Talen, hurry up!" He unsheathed his two short swords, his other weapons lost to the current also and crossed them before him as he sped away down the river. Even with the current slowed by the bulging flow, he moved briskly onto the unknown, the bridge over the river nothing more than a distant memory. He spat water, and far from his opponent's earshot, cursed the lack of strength left in him.

Fear showed in his eyes, hopelessness grew in his heart, defeat loomed over his shoulder like an old friend.

[Hysteria]

The whistling wind past Talen’s ears was silenced as the cage slammed into the packed logs floating down the river. The crack of metal on wood was followed by a thud as Talen struck the metal. The air was pushed out of the boy’s lungs and his face went red as he gasped to get it back. A few seconds past and the relief at the rush of air back into his lungs washed over him.

Missed.

The cage had struck the logs hard, but missed Duffy by a long way. Talen sighed as he pulled himself up on the hemispheric cage and looked down the river. Duffy was much further down the river than the youth had expected. Slowly the young warrior climbed down the side of the cage and stepped onto one of the logs. The wood move slightly in the churning water and Talen slowly started stepping from log to log towards his opponent.

“This fight really keeps going huh?” said Talen, “Would you finish this with one last sword dance? The final scene of the show.”

The youth lifted his Katana towards himself and held it parallel with Duffy in both hands. The dark snake blade gleamed slightly in the light and Talen’s eyes shone. The little warrior was appealing to the player’s showmanship. He offered Duffy the last fight of the battle.

[Duffy]

Duffy's ego bobbed up and down in his chest, mimicking the rolling waves and froth of the river rapids with natural harmony. Talen's offered was like honey to Duffy's buzzing wasp like persona, he had been given the perfect opportunity, an unavoidable, inescapable chance. Who was the bard, to refuse the opportunity to bow before the final curtain, to bow out in one last rolling, riveting performance?

He pushed the Katarhna forwards and moved with it, allowing the memories of Lysander Brandybuck to swell forth and take over. In a swift movement, his consciousness fell back into The Aria, and he watched from the mettle of his mind as he let the blade singer take a hand on his ancient weapon. "I shall take that chance, knave, and proffer to you an opportunity of equal fortune - one last chance to show me your worth!"

He ran forwards, feet scuffing the sodden bark and nimbly clearing the gaps between the tail end and start of each log. All the pain and charred flesh in his shoulder fell away metaphorically, and adrenaline and hope replaced his blood with a new, life giving source of energy. The Blade Singer brought his weapon up overhead, and as he landed on Talen's log, he prepared himself for one last flurry of blows. "Come, show me the heart of darkness, the king of fools, and the power behind that weapon -"

He took a deep breath in the final moment and brought his weapon down in a cleaving strike towards the shadow wielding opponent he saw before him. Duffy smiled, hoping Talen felt the strange sensation rolling out from him in waves. How would the youth fair, faced with a man who knew exactly how to wield a katana, and who had every noble, pious bourgeoisie intent to use it?


Feel free to Bunny Duff-Sander and describe a fight between them as you see fit!

[Hysteria]

Talen lifted his sword and steadied himself. The thought of cheating entered his mind almost instantly but he dismissed it. The youth knew he would have more to do with Duffy in the future and it wouldn't bode well for future interactions. The crashing and swell of water seemed to fall quiet and the air suddenly reverberated with the sound of drums.

The youth felt he should look around for the source but the rhythm gripped him as it appeared it did Duffy. The magic melody came from the dramatic Duffy and signalled the final duel. The drums fell silent and the warriors attack. The player's blade flashed and Talen's came forwards to catch the attack. Duffy's feet moved with finesse that the little warrior could not muster as the colourful man sprang to another log and struck again.

Talen's sword came up along his side and caught the attack again to a fanfare of trumpets. The youth spun and slashed at his opponent, but his attack cut nothing but air. The boy struggled to keep his balance on the logs as Duffy struck again in a flamboyant slice. Talen shifted his footing and lifted his sword but the log shifted with his weight not evenly spread.

The blue eyes blinked as it seemed Duffy's shape for a second was that of a pirate. Talen's sword caught the attack, but the player's sword pushed it down and cut into the boy's shoulder. Talen struggled to slash back, but Duffy's sword seemed to spring alive leapt across Talen and bit deep into his forearm. Talen clenched his teeth hard against the pain, but Duffy didn't pause. Another slash and Talen felt the blade slice into his thy. The youth regained himself slightly and slashed wildly and caused Duffy to pull back.

The music shifted now. The fanfares ended and were replaced by quiet piano. The scene was the end and Talen knew it just as any playwright would. Blood dripped into the churning water from Talen's leg and his eyes lifted to the sky. The youth could feel his balance going, but in this battle that was death. Talen's face turned back to the stoic Duffy.

“Well... that was fun.”

The youth fell backwards and landed on the logs. Quickly they parted and he slid into the churning water. With his arm and leg useless the youth just let himself sink rather than fighting the inevitable. He sank slowly below the wood and slowly darkness filled his vision.

[Duffy]

By the time the mist had descended, Duffy had no time to leap out and grab Talen's hand before he slipped into the cold decadence of the log flow. He had watched their conflict through his own eyes, standing in The Aria as Lysander took over each inch of his limbs. He had cheered, jostled and danced with joy at every exchange, and each time Talen had tried to rise to defend himself, offering hope to proceedings.

He felt ashamed, and hung his head at the thought of his merciless attack. A hollow cavity in his chest grew just that little bit bigger. The log bobbed in the water, and he felt the breeze catch his cheeks as he travelled down the waterway alone. With two swift clicks, he sheathed his blade and crossed his arms over his chest. He gritted his teeth as the adrenaline from his rush started to fade, and the twang of pain returned to his burns and cuts and aching limbs. He felt less and less invincible with every second.

"I hope you're proud of yourself, Duffy Bracken...you ain't nothing but a hound dog, rabid, wild, reckless." He cracked his neck and looked over his shoulder as a niggling doubt started to gnaw away at him. It had been a bothersome noise at the back of his mind through each step in his tango with his opponent, but with the clash of swords gone, it had grown to a tumultuous nuisance.

"Oh shit..." He turned fully and planted his feet firmly onto the log to face the new threat head on.

The waterway ran along the deep chasm for many miles in the illusory world, ending in a toppling spray over a waterfall Duffy could only guess would be aggressively high. The sides of the jagged gorge simply stopped, as if falling into a wall of nothingness and the logs rose like miniature towers briefly, before tumbling to their end in the storage lake below. Woodsmen had crafted the gorge over centuries, guiding their industry through the heart of a distant land to stow their timber in the safety of a wide expanse.

"For once..." he began, resting his hands on his hips and letting his hip sag to one side in defeat. "I'd like to win and not die the same stick-" his words vanished in the uproar of the foamy spray and he felt himself rise with the log as it teetered over the edge.

"Whoa." He thought, as he caught the beauty of the horizon, the vastness of the lake and the glittering jewels of the distant mountains.

"Fuuuuccc," down he went, into the unknown of tomorrow with a rush of cold and a sudden dampness.

[Revenant]

Full rubric, full commentary requested. Hysteria’s scores will be in Red, Duffy’s in Blue.

STORY

Continuity (3/5) – Hysteria, you don’t give much feel for Talen in this thread. Who is he? Where does his power come from? Why does he feel the need to fight in the Citadel? You explain that he looks young and the reasons for it but don’t do anything else with it in the thread aside from call him ‘youth’. You mention that you and Duffy had met before, but it was Duffy who really explained the encounter.

Setting (5/4) – Hysteria set the scene and Duffy used some really evocative imagery, but during the heat of the battle it was Hysteria who really reinforced that most of your fighting was on a bridge.

Pacing (5/7) – Both of you really drew me along through the thread. There were transitional hiccups between posts but, for the most part, this thread was engaging. The only real complaint I had was Hysteria’s slowly-blooming flower of darkness. Each line where more petals emerged let me know that the power was continuing to grow, but really took me out of the scene.

CHARACTER

Dialogue (4/7) – Hysteria, you told us that Talen looks and acts 13, but your short, stoic dialogue really doesn’t match with what I think of as how a 13 year old would speak. Duffy, for once I thought that you had just the right amount of dialogue and that it really worked well for you without being over the top. The shift to Lysander’s method of speech needs a little more introduction though, to explain exactly why you’re talking different.

Action (5/7) – Hysteria you did a good job and I found nothing really wrong with you in this category, but Duffy really brought his A-Game to this fight.

Persona (4/7) – Again, I didn’t really get the feel for Talen as a 13 year old while Duffy really nailed Duffy. Not much else to say.

WRITING STYLE

Technique (5/6) – Generally simple and elegant but Duffy’s prose made his writing really pop out in this one.

Mechanics (6/6) – There were a couple of minor errors throughout this thread but they were simple ones.

Clarity (7/4) – The only time I found myself having to reread a portion of Hysteria’s posts was during his falling/teleport/shadow conjuration/falling again moment when the bridge came apart. Duffy, with flowery language comes a need to go back over your writing at times.

WILD CARD

Wild Card (5/5)

TOTAL: 49 / 58

Duffy Bracken wins and receives 1837 exp and 125 gp.
Hysteria receives 525 exp and 105 gp.

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added.