A Sticky Situation (Closed)

[Harlequin]

A Baker’s Dozen

Requirements: None.

Synopsis: Jackson the baker has reported his wares to be, for want of a better word, ‘missing.’ Somebody in the town is stealing his buns right from under his nose! Could it be nymphs, goblins, or something more sinister? You’ve been hired by the local constabulary and Jackson himself to get to the bottom of this granary conundrum. Your only lead is a hand print left in the flour in the mill, and a trail of crumbs leading to a crack in a wall on a small residential building nearby.

Reward: There is a reward of 100 gold coins if you solve the case; the constabulary have requested a human culprit be brought in alive, by any means necessary, but the hide or head or whatever beast or kin will suffice. If you manage to recover the stolen buns, Jackson has expressed he will make you the nicest cake imaginable!

Twig walked through the crowded morning streets wearing her little green dress and a slightly vacant smile. The tiny girl did not see the bustling faces, busy stalls or rows of merchandise; she saw only people’s knees and the odd bag. It was the fate of the three foot girl to see the world from the miniature perspective. Despite the misfortune, the little girl continued through the streets.

There was one thing though that reached the little girl as she bumped and stumbled through the crowd, the smell of sweet baked bread. Her feet carried her around the corner and to the front of a large bakery and cake shop. The little girl looked up at the massive letters above the shop.

Jackson’s Baked Goods

“Num num num…”

Twig pushed her way through the crowd and into the store. The wooden building was full but everyone seemed to be listening to someone speaking. Twig pushed forwards and came to the front of the crowd.

“…. are gone. I don’t know what happened to them. As such, we are all out of bread.”

The group of people muttered with annoyance at the man’s words. The man was a large, portly fellow with a large red nose. He wore a white apron and a large white puffy hat. His normally happy face was creased with worry.

“I have already talked to the local constable and we are trying to sort this out. Please come back tomorrow, I will have more buns then.” He smiled but it looked more like a lopsided frown.

The people in the shop started to wander out and Twig started snooping around the shop for the sweet smell she had smelt on the road. The baker went to the door and walked outside with the last of the crowd while Twig remained unseen inside. The little girl wandered across the room and entered a room behind the counter. She found a small tray among some boxes which had apparently been knocked over. She lifted it up and found a single sweet bun. She picked it up and sniffed it and then took a big bite out of it. Chewing happily she sat down, pulled the tray over herself and continued to eat.

[Hysteria]

Talen walked quickly through the streets of Underwood following one of the town constables. The youth was a serious looking boy of no more than thirteen, at least he looked thirteen, it was a magical mishap that had taken several years of development away and turned him into his current form. The youth had taken his change in his stride, using his smaller stature to steal, sneak and commit general shenanigans. He wore a simple black cloak and black pants and a shirt, all sized to fit his small stature. On Talen’s hilt were his twin swords and on his person had hidden a few other items. Soon Talen and the constable arrived out the front of the large bakery and the baker Jackson.

“Constable!” Exclaimed the Baker, “Finally! Come in, come in!”

The trio entered the Bakery to talk away from the noise of the street. Jackson threw an unimpressed look at Talen.

“Uh… wha.. er, who is this?”

“This Talen, and despite his looks I can assure you he is just as competent as anyone else. He’s one of the Ixian Knights apparently. But even if he isn’t, he can handle himself.” Replied the Constable.

Talen was already looking around the store and the two men talked and found himself following the sound of munching. The youth walked behind the counter and saw two bare grass stained feet sticking out from under a baking tray. As Talen walked over he could head giggling, apparently the girl had seen him coming. He reached down and pulled back the tray to reveal the girls tiny form and the last of the sweet bun disappearing into her mouth.

“Are you responsible for all these problems?” Talen asked the little girl as he bent down to one knee.

The girl shook her head in a no and Talen found himself believing her. She was too small to eat all the food that had been taken and would have been found if she had been at the bakery two days ago when the first of the food had been taken. The little Shadow Puppeteer looked at her with a critical eye. Her skin and hair were tinged green and she seemed to have no fear of the larger boy.

Talen smiled at the girl and stood up. His blue eyes moved around the room searching for clues. Flour had been strewn across the room and there were several hand prints scattered around. Talen bent down and held his hand up to one of the prints to compare the size. The hand was a bit bigger, but not by much. There was also a crack in the wall and a trail of flour towards it. Talen walked over to it and placed his hand against the crack. A small draft seemed to be coming from the crack. Talen walked back to the little girl and bent down again.

“Whom, and what are you?”

[Harlequin]

Twig wiggled her toes and smiled at Talen.

“My name is Twig. I am a plant who is also a girl.” She said honestly.

Before Talen could respond to the odd statement the Baker walked into the back room. The large man looked from Talen to Twig and then back again. His face was furrowed as he slowly made sense of the situation and jumped to the wrong conclusion.

“You ate all my food!”

The Constable walked in behind the Baker and looked at the girl. The much more rational thinking man put his hand on the Baker’s shoulder to calm him.

“Look at the size of her, she couldn’t make her way through two buns, let alone the three dozen you are missing.” The Constable said.

The Baker went to say something but cut himself off and simply nodded. The large man put his hand to his forehead and walked past the Constable and left the room.

“Maybe the people who stole the buns went through that crack in the wall?” Offered Twig after the Baker had left.

[Hysteria]

Talen had not paid much attention to the Bakers wild allegations. He had instead been watching Twig with thoughtful eyes. The youth knew that she wasn't strictly human and therefore possible that she could have been the one to eat the two dozen buns that had gone missing, it was just unlikely.

With Twig pointing to the crack on the wall Talen walked back over to the small gap and peered into the darkness through it. With his eyes still transfixed on the crack the youth sat down cross-legged in front of it and started to concentrate. Twig and the Constable's eyes watched the silent movements of Talen with curiosity. After a minute sitting Talen disappeared, echoed by the gasp of the Constable.

Talen's form shifted through the darkness, sliding along a corridor of shadows in a plane parallel to the physical world. The distance that Talen travelled was short, merely to the other side of the wall, and though the trip felt like a few seconds to Talen, it was an instant for Twig and the Constable. Talen's form flicked back across to the material world, but he remained in darkness.

The youth took stock of his senses. He could make out a thin line of light coming from the crack in the wall and the ground underneath him felt like dirt. He lifted his hands out in front of him and walked forwards groping the way. His hands felt around the crack of light and he could make out a latch of some sort. He pulled it and with a click a secret door swung open. The secret tunnel was set into the ground, with the tunnel coming up sharply to meet the door. For the short Talen the small tunnel was easy to stand up in, but anyone else would struggle. The crack in the wall had been the join along the edge of the door, the one fault with a near perfect secret entrance.

“Well, I seem to have found the entry point.” Talen said with a smile.

The light of the bakery streamed through the small door and illuminated the tunnel. The construction seemed sound, with small pieces of wood used as support beams every so often. By the youth's feet he found a discarded torch, probably dropped in favour of the looted buns. Talen picked it up and held his hand just above it. A small amount of black liquid congealed on his hand and dripped onto the top of the torch. Talen lowered his hand and flicked his wrist, activating the hidden device strapped to it. A small spark shot out and onto the liquid and ignited.

“If either of you want to come, hurry up.”

[Harlequin]

The little girl was somewhat impressed by Talen, but not enough to gasp, or stop her from occasionally scanning the room for more food. She stood up and plodded towards the small opening in the wall and squinted at Talen. While it was not in the nature of Twig to risk her life, this was an adventure opportunity not to be missed. The little girl bent and entered the tunnel.

Still in the Bakery the Constable coughed awkwardly.

“Well you two seem to have this under control. I have some eviction notices I should really write up.” With that comment, the Constable walked out.

Twig shrugged and started walking down the tunnel with Talen in the lead. The flickering flame of the torch lit up the way as they walked along. The ground was littered with footprints, but with so many overlapping tracks it was impossible to know how many people had been and gone. Twig was the first one to break the silence.

“So blacky, what's your deal. You know mine.” She chiled.

“There's not much to know,” replied Talen.

“I wasn't born yesterday, I can sense the magic in you.”

“And I in you. Plus you don't exactly sound like a normal girl your age.”

“Oowww, hows I supposed to sownd?”

“Not like that.” Said Talen still facing away from Twig as he walked, “but as long as you don't get in the way, nor turn out to be one of the people in the robbery, I don't care.”

“How nice of you.”

“You realise that I might have to kill someone right? This isn't a cakewalk.”

“Har, har. I am not as passive as I look. Bes...”

“Shhh!”

[Hysteria]

Up ahead in the tunnel there was the sound of talking. Talen turned around and handed Twig the torch and motioned for her to stay where she was. He slowly crept forwards as the tunnel turned a corner. Up ahead he could make out the flickering like of a fire and the voices sounded deep, Talen guessed young men. As Talen got closer the tunnel widened and there was no way to conceal his approach. The confident youth simply strode forwards into what seemed to be a basement.

The room was lined with stones to provide a bracing wall, but had several sections, including the one Talen was walking through, cleared away and various stages of tunnels leading outwards. A stair case went up the far side of room and into some sort of building. There was a single table in the middle of the room with five men sitting around it. On the table were piles of goods that the men were sorting through. There were several large bags on the ground near them which Talen could see held the buns from the Baker. On the far side of the room sitting under the stair case were several children, the eldest about 15 and youngest eight or so. Their dirty and unkempt appearance made them nearly blend in with the wall.

“Seems like a crime epidemic doesn't it?”

The men at the table twisted around and looked at Talen. Their jovial disposition disappearing instantly to one of surprise and anger. Behind Talen he heard a thud and a quick glance showed Twig lying face first on the ground. Talen turned back to the men with an inward sigh, Twig and tripped over.

“Looks like there's two kids to join our merry crew!” Exclaimed one of the men.

The man walked forwards and extended an arm towards Talen.

“Careful, the kid has swords.” said another man.

“Pft what's he go-ahhhhhh!”

The first man screamed as Talen's blade sliced all the way through his arm and his hand fell to the ground. Instantly the rest of the men bolted up and drew their weapons. A smile slithered its way across his face as he slowly drew his other sword.

“I get paid more if I take you alive... but then money isn't everything, is it?”

[Harlequin]

Twig took the torch begrudgingly and watched Talen walk down the tunnel alone. The girl managed a full ten seconds before throwing down the torch and following. The first of the tunnel did well to mask her footsteps as she watched Talen reach the basement. The girl lifted her hand and a small red seed raised itself from the skin on her palm.

I'm going to show Talen that I'm no-

Her thought was cut off as she caught her foot on a root and face planted into the ground with a thud. It took her a second to realise what had happened as she pushed her self up off the ground. Talen had already cut one of the thugs hands off and she had provided the comic relief. She quickly stood up and squeezed the seed still in her hand as she ran to Talen's side.

The shadow puppeteer didn't look at her as she lifted her arm. Small green vines were entwining her hand and a large flower bud bloomed into a red lilly. The men approached quickly regardless of the floral display and this time Twig was the one who gave a creepy smile. The flower shuddered and released two streams of liquid towards the men, but as soon as they combined there was a chemical reaction and a resulting blast of fire. The first two careless men screamed in pain as they were engulfed in flame. The flower wilted and fell off Twig's wrist as soon as it was done, but it had achived its work. The two men ran around the room spreading fire and confusion for the rest. Twig didn't waste her chance and ran forwards too.

The little girl was just over knee hight to the men she faced, but she didn't let that stop her. The men were in confusion, most trying to put out the fire on their two comrades. One of them ran towards Twig with his sword held high but in a flash Twig spat a clear liquid in his face. The man paused out of surprised and wiped his face.

“You little shit!” He yelled lifting his sword again.

Before he had time to bring it down though the liquid did its work. It was quickly absorbed through the skin, spreading through the blood and entered his brain and causing massive over stimulus of his frontal cortex. The man lowered his sword as irrational thoughts filled his head. With a blood curdling scream he lifted his sword and started swinging it wildly.

Twig had already backed away as a precaution and walked backwards to Talen's side.

[Hysteria]

One man had been effectively neutralised and had crawled to the corner clutching where his hand had been. One more was going crazy, not really neutralised, but more of a nuisance to the men near him. The two set on fire dropped to the ground and smothered the flames. With the help of the fifth they were extinguished and back in the game.

Talen coughed. The smoke in the room was a mild annoyance, but the boy had done it more to attracted the attention of the three men, the youth however didn't waste the opportunity to send Twig a quip.

“Does that fire flower of yours come with a 'use only in well ventilated areas' warning?”

“Oh I'm sorry, I forgot my phallic weapons today. Good to see you didn't.”

Talen's glanced at the snake etched into each one of his sword blades and smiled. He was starting to like the plant girl more and more.

The three men had regained their composure and during the small back and forth and slowly approached Talen. One of the slightly burnt men made to walk behind the crazed man and was instantly attacked. The wild blows of the man struck against the other's sword with deafening cracks. The other two glanced at the men, but then made for Talen anyway. The youth stepped forwards and lifted his sword to catch a downwards blow from the first man's sword. His second reached up and caught the other man's horizontal swing.

Amateurs. Horrible technique. I suppose it would be too much to find better though.

Talen twisted his blades to created a slope and the blades slid towards each other. The stepped to the side to block one man with the other. His blades pulled with him as he walked and the men's blades hit each other. The momentary pause in their movements as they puled back was all they needed as Talen swept his swords low against burnt thug's legs and sliced into his calf. The man lifted his leg instinctively and Talen stepped into him. The man fell into his comrade and the two stumbled backwards.

The youth stepped forwards and stabbed his sword into the man's wrist and in a how of pain the thug dropped his sword. Talen sighed at how bad the man had done. The second man pushed the first out of the way and lifted his sword.

“You could give up right now.” Suggested Talen.

The thug face just got angrier at the though. The man lifted his sword and swung as hard as his could in a vertical attack. Talen lifted his blade and caught the man's attack with the blade just past his hilt. His free hand sliced across and cut deep into the man's arm.

“Sword fighting is like maths my old master used to say. The closer to your hand you catch the opponents blade, the easier it is to match their strength. Something to do with levers.”

The thug wasn't listening though, he dropped to the floor and clutched his profusely bleeding arm. Talen turned to the last two men. The youth slowly walked up behind the crazed man and with an easy movement he slammed the hilt of his sword into the back of the man's head. The thug slumped to the ground leaving the last burnt thug all alone.

“Sit down and shut up alright?”

The thug just nodded and sank to the ground. Talen lifted pushed his katana back into its sheath and lifted his hand towards the man. Darkness stretched out and enveloped the man's arms and solidified into wrist shackles.

“That's a good man.”

Talen walked over to the kids huddled in the corner and looked over them.

“Hey Twig, why don't you come here and comfort these kids. I'll go check what's up stairs.”

[Harlequin]

The little green tinged girl watched the display of swordsmanship with a smile on her face.

He he, phallic weapons.

She snapped back to reality as Talen called her over. The little girl walked around the injured men and blood to Talen and joined him looking at the kids. They were scrawny, much smaller than they should be for their age. It was clear that they had been underfed and forced to dig the tunnels to all the different shops.

“Hey their little mammals, what's new?” She asked.

The was met with frightened and confused looks from all the kids, except for Talen who just stuck was confused.

“Maybe just make sure that those guys don't do anything while I'm gone.” Suggested Talen.

Twig shrugged and lifted her hand. Green shoots spread over hand and quickly grew into a bright red flower.

[Hysteria]

Satisfied that the girl was deal harshly with anyone who tried anything, Talen walked slowly up the stairs with one of his swords drawn. At the top he placed his ear againt the door and listened. He could hear sounds of talking and an opening and closing door. The youth slowly pushed open the door and peered through the slit of light.

The youth pushed open the door and stepped through. The room was a shop front and the shelves were lined with random goods, farming tools, weapons, leather goods and more. Near the door a very shocked looking shopkeeper had just ushered a customer out the door.

“You were the one responsible for the fighting downstairs then? Well if those idiots couldn't take care of you I will!”

The man grabbed a sword from one of the shevles and charged at Talen. His face was bent with rage and he held the sword ready to stab the youth through. Talen's face was unimpressed. The youth summoned a small amount of his magic and cast a spell. His hand lifted towards the man and a small jet of black liquid shot from his palm into the man's face.

Talen stepped to the side as the blinded man stumbled out of control. The little warrior lifted his foot and tripped the shopkeeper as he past and the man fell flat on the floor. Talen stepped up and kicked him in the face.

“Idiot.”

[Harlequin]

The fake shop front had been operating for weeks under the noses of the authorities. They depicted themselves as a sort of overflow store receiving shipments of whatever their contact from other cities had a lot of. Using fake shipments of empty boxes they gave themselves the perfect cover to steal from the stores of the bigger Underwood shops who would either think they had lost the goods, or been robbed by someone on the inside because of the lack of evidence they had been broken into. Given some of the shady shops in Underwood, some places had just elected to not report the missing goods.

The buns turned out to be their attempt to feed the street kids they had stolen cheaply, but had backfired when they had taken too much. The return of the buns and the capture of six alive, if in very bad condition, criminals earned Talen and Twig the reward money.

[Hysteria]

Twig opened her mouth wide and shoved as much of the sticky bun in as she could. She chewed nosily as herself, Talen at in Jackson's store.

“I can't thank you enough! Those buns take ages to make and its hard when I am all alone at the store.” The baker shouted from the back room as he busily worked on something for Talen and Twig.

“Well funny you should mention that, because not all those kids we found were returned to their homes. Three of them were returned to their families, but two were street kids.” said Talen.

The Baker finally emerged from the back room with a large cake. The impressive baked good was covered with white icing and lined with strawberries. Twig's eyes grew large and her chewing fell silent. She made to reach for the cake before the Baker put it down but apparently forgot she was sitting and fell off her chair.

“I think Twig is trying to say that is a very impressive cake.” interpreted Talen, “You know the two kids wouldn't stop saying how much they liked your buns.”

The Baker's face twitched as he cut the cake into portions.

“I think one's exact words were 'Like tasting the sunrise dipped in honey'” lied Talen, the exact phrase was more like 'nice bleeding buns they were', the youth had added a poetic touch.

“They would be a big help too.” Added Talen.

“Fine! I'll give them a shot.” The Baker handed Talen and Twig a piece of cake each, “But no promises.”

“Of course not” said Talen with a smile.


Spoils:

Hysteria:
100 gold (as reward for catching the thieves)
The Cake (2x Slices):
One of most amazing culinary sensations ever created. (for bringing back the buns)

Harlequin:
100 gold (as reward for catching the thieves)
The Cake (2x Slices):
One of most amazing culinary sensations ever created. (for bringing back the buns)

[Silence Sei]

• STORY ~

Continuity (3/10) ~Hysteria had the only saving grace for the continuity. I knew he was a member of the Ixian Knights, and I knew that he had been transformed into a kid. I did not get any feel for what Twig had done, how she wound up where she was today, or even a decent explanation on what she meant by she wasn’t as young as she looked. I would advise going into at least a few details on the character next time to help you and your fellow questers score higher.

Setting (5/10) ~ Settings were pretty predictable from start to finish. No real outstanding use of it, other than a few senses highlighted in the bakery, and Twig’s tripping on the root. I would advise a little more detail into such things. If Twig hit the ground, did it kick up some dust? Did she have some crumbs on her cheeks come off from her earlier meal? Things like that can really help your setting.

Pacing (2/10) ~ Pacing here was horrible. You zipped to each location faster than the Flash on a meth habit. Draw out your scenes a little bit more, before going into the action. The tunnel to the crooks should have and could have been a few paragraphs, even some more posts longer. Keep that in mind for next time.

10/30


• CHARACTER ~

Dialogue (5/10) ~ Decent dialogue, I especially enjoyed Twig’s change of demeanor once it was just her and Talen. I just wish you would have explored what you could have done with the voices a little more. She could have easily used her ‘baby voice’ the entire time the adults were around, and it would have scored you higher here with me.

Action (5/10) ~ Pretty cool fight. I’m starting to like Talen more and more as a character with his carefree attitude. It amuses me. Twig, I feel your plant stuff was pretty Beast Mode as well. You both could have improved here by going into more details eating the cake, of walking to the thieves, stuff like that. It seems small, but it all adds up in the end.


Persona (3/10) ~ Talen was once more the saving grace here, but he couldn’t carry the entire thread alone. His callus attitude towards the face of danger is completely in his character from what I’ve seen of him. Twig, there was not much in the posts you made to give any sort of feel for your character. I would really like you to try and convey your emotions out better. Did tripping on the root almost make the girl cry? Was she feeling any pain? Did Talen’s cold demeanor to her anger her? We only got a hint of something to prove out of you, but I needed more.

13/30


• WRITING STYLE ~

Mechanics (3/10) ~ A bunch of spelling errors, outright misused words, and little to no comma usage hurt you guys real bad here. I would suggest reading some of your favorite authors. Look at the way they spell their stuff, and when you make a post, run it through word to see if it sounds like something they would write. This technique doesn’t work for everyone, but it helps. Spellcheck and triple checking yourself are also great tools.

Technique (4/10) ~ Honestly, if cliché was a literary device, you might have a higher score here. The baker either taking the kids or the robbers not getting taken in to take care of the kids. I expected either one of those events to happen. Remember to try and use foreshadowing, alliteration, allusion, there’s so many writing techniques you could try. Go wiki a few and try em out next thread.

Clarity (4/10) ~ The bad spelling hurt you here, as well as Talen’s sword fight with the men that were left after Twig’s sudden involvement. I had to read over a lot of paragraphs to figure out what was going on. Solution? As I said before, spell check everything and then once over it one more time with your own eyes. Don’t trust them? Use a friend’s pair. I’m telling you, a series of checks and balances will work wonders for you guys.
Wild Card (5/10) ~ It was a good thread. I want to see more of both of your characters.

16/40

Total: 39/100

Twig gets 260 EXP and 100 GP

Hysteria gets 655 exp and 100 GP.

I’m not awarding any greater GP than what was requested as a spoil due to the low score of the thread. However, your cake pieces are approved. Don’t have your cake and eat it too now.

[Silence Sei]

exp-gp added.