Lunchroom Issues

[Revenant]

The wonderful smells wafting out of the dining hall were enough to fill William’s mouth with saliva. It had been a busy morning for the Revenant, so busy that he had forgotten to take breakfast, and now his stomach was making him pay the price. Sadly, this wasn’t a terribly uncommon occurrence for him, as his studies in the massive library within Sei’s Tomb took up increasing amounts of his time. There were just so many books on the esoteric and arcane, and William had been raised a woodsman, not a scholar.

There was already a line outside the dining hall by the time that William arrived. It seemed that there was always a line of some sort, with the ever swelling population in Sei’s Tomb clamoring for nourishment in all hours of the day. Sighing heavily William moved forward to take his place at the back of the line, his stomach roaring in protest loud enough to startle the young man in front of him.

William’s status as one of the Nine, Sei’s prophesied Captains, meant that he had head of the line privileges at the dining hall, something he very rarely used. Even his immense hunger wouldn’t normally be enough for him to break the taboo of taking another hungry soldier’s food. But when William looked ahead of him and saw who was just getting up to the counter, he knew that today would be different.

“Excuse me,” he said, getting out of line to push his way in front of the current line leader. “But I think I’m going to have to take this last twice-baked potato.”

A sneer split William’s face as he turned to the man whose rightful place he had just taken. “You understand, right? Captain’s prerogative.”

[Enigmatic Immortal]

Jensen was usually not one to neglect the duties of food when it was demanded of his body. The immortal had few things in life he cherished and food ranked highly in his top five. Stephanie however had a list of things for the knight and new daddy to do before he could get a start onto his usual routine of laziness. First he had to take Azza to Underwood where she was spending the night at the orphanage. That trip made him skip breakfast and so his attitude went right to cranky. His next task was to fix the door to their room, as somehow the hinges began to fall off the wall mounts.

Hammer in hand he began slamming the screws back into place for a temp fix just so he could move on, but the effects of hunger were taking its toll with shaky hands. Twice he found his poor thumb the victim of his cranky attitude, and now he went into the next level of frustration; peeved. Hungry, sore thumb, and peeved, the immortal finished his temporary band aid fix and looked to the list. Apparently, it became his job to go and check out books from the library for her. Something she just couldn’t do herself because she had to train with Ta’gaz.

That portion of the trip was just a rotten experience. As always, whenever he wanted to see Cassandra Remi the least (which was generally all the time, but today was extra special) she was there, with all the books he wanted in hand. She began to taunt him, asking if he needed help finding anything, and then pointing to a corner where the dogs could sleep. Now he went right over peeved into violent rage. He was at this point done with whatever the hell Stephanie had set up for him, and with a one finger salute to the midnight monster he went to the kitchens.

Today was his favorite day, and he knew exactly what he wanted when he got in the chow line. Twice baked potatoes: Food of the gods. Jensen waited in line, cursing to himself as his foot impatiently tapped up and down with his arms crossed over his chest. Slowly the line moved forward, and the chef of the kitchens alerted everyone that this was the last tray of potatoes for the day. He began to salivate at the idea of the crisp skin shell, the juicy potato smothered in cheeses, bacon, and sour crème. He envisioned the little chives dancing along his palette, waving him down from the extremes of his rage back to bliss. His imagination soared as he took the potatoes hand and flew over the sky, waving to Azza and Stephanie, who were both covered in potato skins.

His day dream took him to the front of the line, and he reached down for the food when suddenly an ox like form knocked him aside and went for the last of the twice baked potatoes. Jensen’s eyes went wide, his face contorted in horror. His left eye ball slowly widened, his right began twitching nervously as his fingers retracted and flexed quickly. Before he even knew what was happening he began stuttering in a high pitched whimper.

“You…but…potato…” He looked to the culprit of his emotional devastation, and saw it was none other than his rival William Arcus, smugly taking his potato. All sense of reason was gone, his rage taken over into insanity as he slammed his hand on the table next to him, darted out his fingers catching a fork, and slamming it down into William’s fleshy hand, which dug in only a fraction due to his demonic talons hidden beneath that ashen skin.

“You are not getting my potato!” Jensen said darkly. “Not after the day I had, Willie! I’ll die for that potato!” The line began to softly ease away. Some people would have assumed this was an elaborate joke, like one of Lord Bracken’s plays, but most soldiers knew that Jensen and William hated each other to the point they had tried on several occasions to kill off their rival. There was a stunned silence in the mess hall, and eyes all turned to the two standing off.

“So what’s it going to be Willie, my potato, or your life and then my potato?” Jensen breathed in a deadly tone like a veteran killer.

[Revenant]

William stared stupidly at the fork sticking out of his right hand. Contrary to popular belief his human form held no special resistance to damage. Even though he retained a fraction of the supernatural strength and speed that he possessed in demonic form, he had none of the extra toughness that went with it. Unnaturally hot blood oozed from the tiny holes in the back of his hand, steaming as they ran down his hand to sizzle on Jensen’s lunch tray.

Damn that stings, he thought angrily, the molten heat within him rising.

All eyes in the lunchroom were frozen on the two of them, poised for the response that William would give to Jensen’s challenge. But where Jensen was a man of words, a lot of really unpleasant words, William was a man of action. Without even pausing to take the fork from his hand the Revenant snapped his head forward in a vicious headbutt, catching Jensen right between the eyes and completely unprepared. It was as the fighting master Ta’gaz had instructed William during their training sessions, “no one expects the headbutt.”

The brutal attack sent Jensen reeling backwards towards the pot of boiling soup that TSN, Sei’s resident soup expert, had made. Seeing this, William tore the offending fork from his hand with a happy snarl, his hunger forgotten in his rising battle lust.

“I’m going to beat you senseless you little shit, and then I’m going to eat this Thayne-damned potato right in front of you.”

[Enigmatic Immortal]

Who honestly does the head butt! Jensen thought as one hand lifted up to his nose. Thankfully it hadn’t done major damage and only a small droplet or two of blood poured down his face. When he fell back his hands landed hard on the edge of the table where the soup Nazi’s favored soup was held. Of course, nobody could eat this soup as many times the deranged soup cook had bellowed his infamous words, “No soup for you!”

Still, being in front of the liquid hot soup and taking in its hearty aroma (it smelled like a porter house steak) the immortal conceived of an idea in his mind. Without even taking a moment to form a witty remark he placed both hands on the soup pot and lifted it up and tossed the whole contents at the Revenant. Jensen felt his blood going as he smiled devilishly, turning in a half spin grabbing another pot of soup much to the lament of TSN, and tossed it at his hated foe. The first pot the demonkin managed to dodge with a duck, but the second pot spilt all over William’s body.

"Soups up!" Jensen taunted.

The few spectators around them fanned out quickly, escaping the wrath of both men as Jensen looked to the Revenant with an amused expression before turning towards the potato. Still it was in the tin pan, all of its glory miraculously unharmed in the carnage of the soup. When the Immortal looked back to William he found him screaming like a girl as he covered his face in both hands. The immortal leaned towards him, pondering if he should make a break for the potato or just finish off William there and then. His hesitation was his downfall.

“Just kidding,” William teased as his face exploded out from his hands. The Revenant’s demonic visage glared at him while his teeth spread into a wry grin.

[Revenant]

“Dumbass,” William taunted as he came forward, throwing his fist recklessly into Jensen’s gut. The force of the impact was multiplied not only by the increase in strength that William gained when in his demonic form, but by the steel hard bone that covered his hands from fingertips to elbows like a gauntlet. Jensen’s eyes bulged like a frog’s as William’s fist drove deeply into his gut, a humorous coincidence given the fact that the Thayne Goddess Jomil had blessed the man with the ability to turn into one of the worthless little amphibians when she had tested the two of them.

“I’ve got fire running through my veins, numbnuts,” William laughed as he stepped up and drove another fist into Jensen’s gut. “Like that crazy bastard’s hot soup is going to burn me.”

Behind the counter, the Soup Nazi whimpered in a little ball, offering sorrowful prayers to his lost, but still delightful smelling, tins of soup. The rest of the dining hall had completely cleared out by this point, with only the bravest of those present even daring to maintain a vigil from outside the room. Someone was shouting for a passerby to go get Sei Orlouge, or the fighting master Ta'Gaz. One person even shouted that someone should go find Seth Dahlios to break up the fight, so scared was he of the dining room spectacle.

“That potato is as good as mine,” William snarled joyfully, ignoring the onlookers and hooking another punch around into Jensen’s kidney. The force of this last punch took it out of Jensen, landing with enough force to drop the Knight of the Apocalypse to his knees.

“What do you say to that, eh, hotshot?”

[Enigmatic Immortal]

Jensen’s body ebbed with each punch, feeling the strength of the demon in full force. He had to think back on those days the two fought before, and he realized the man had somehow, someway, gotten a lot stronger. His stomach muscles ached and his kidney felt like it wanted to rupture, but the respite from the onslaught allowed Jensen to take in a few deep breaths of air as he panted like a dog. William spoke some words, but he didn’t listen to them, for all he could think was of his next move.

Without even enough of a chance to strike Jensen shot upwards like a loose arrow, fist extending over his head in a violent uppercut that caught the Revenant off guard. His jaw was slammed shut, and his eyes shut in a painful wince as Jensen exploded into the air. He bellowed out the cry ’Shoryuken’ as he rose upwards, getting a bit of awe from the few people left in the room. The knight’s hips rotated knocking into the demon host, pushing his body away as Jensen landed on his feet, body moving in a rhythm to a beat only he could hear in the insane chambers of his mind.

Now he moved freely, like the wind, and his body was twirling and dodging each strike the slower Revenant tossed at him. He was nimble in their dance, taking a few moments to scan the terrain as he found the perfect way to slow down the behemoth before him. He danced his way past William, noting the warrior gained a few new tricks, but so had Jensen.

When William tossed out a right haymaker as a feint Jensen’s leg lifted upwards in a fierce kick, his whole body flipping in the air as he arched his back tightly. The kick landed square on the demon’s jaw, pushing him backwards. When he landed the immortal took one half step back before rotating in a cartwheel forwards, landing his hands down on the cold floor of the cave. He split his legs out until he looked like a human T, and began to spin in a circle like a top.

William had just recovered from his violent flash kick when the attacks came. Each one had no strength to them, but the constant barrage managed to keep him reeling until he was pushed near a table. When he fel the couldn’t’ support his weight any longer the immortal let his feet fall to the side before he bent over to the waist at a perfect ninety degree angle.

It was a flash of motion, far faster than any had ever seen the immortal move. His new ‘EX’ moves granted his older moves heightened speed and strength he had normally not been allowed, and his pinwheel kick came out in a violent tornado of motion. One kick slammed William in the jaw, the next kick slammed him before he could recover, and the final kick came out in such a violent arc it sent the Revenant reeling.

“MY POTATO!” Jensen cried out as he landed, a bit disoriented as he woozily danced in place.

[Revenant]

William’s jaws didn’t just ache from the repeated thrashing that Jensen had given to him, they screamed at him. He was fairly sure that his lower jaw had been broken by one of the Knight’s kicks, and that he was several teeth shorter from when he had stormed into the dining hall. But I’ve still got more than enough teeth left to devour that potato, he punch drunkenly mused. All that was a moot point however, as William came back to reality with the stark realization that the ground had somehow managed to fall away from his feet before he came down hard onto one of the dining room tables.

The tables that Sei had ordered fashioned for his dining hall were thick, sturdy things. They had been fashioned by the finest carpenters in the Ixian Knights from the best wood that could be found in the Concordian Forest. Each four legged beast was made to withstand not only the daily rigors of supporting the meals of over one hundred hungry soldiers, but also the various party activities, karaokes, and dances that Sei’s daughter Anita was wont to cook up from time to time.

None of that mattered as William plowed into this particular table like a falling rock, however. With absolutely no hesitation, the sturdy wooden monstrosity exploded under William with a crack like a shot from an Aleran musket. A chorus of “ooo’s” and “ouch’s” filtered in from the assembled spectators outside. More than one viewer sauntered off, convinced that the entertainment was at an end, only to be called back in surprised amazement as William shakily got back to his feet.

“Pretty good,” William coughed painfully, spitting up a wad of bloody phlegm. Jensen, who had been victoriously strutting for the twice-baked potato, stopped and stared at the Revenant disbelievingly before dropping back into his Caeiporeia dance, a silly grin plastered on his bruised face.

“Lucky for me I learned the weakness to your lame dance fighting,” William chuckled, pushing himself to his feet with a groan. His statement elicited a quirked eyebrow from the bobbing Knight, but before he could come back with a quip William once more exploded into action. He was bruised and battered, but he wasn’t out of the fight just yet, and leading into the attack once again William pushed himself to the limits of his power, forcing his body to move at three times the speed of a normal human.

“Your weakness,” William spat, almost too fast to hear, “is chair.”

[Enigmatic Immortal]

Jensen couldn’t believe that William was going to such lengths to deny him the tasty feast of his victory potato! Yet what amused the knight more was his speed. The man had literally moved so fast he had trouble keep up with it, but something ingrained in his mind alerted him to the attack. At one point he had hesitated, his powerful attacks of a gale like wind fluttering into a soft breeze, which was more than enough time for William to get him good. That was a mistake he could ill afford to make again.

Still, he didn’t know what to expect from William when he mentioned the word chair. How was Caeiporiea weak to chairs? That didn’t make sense, and his steps half-heartedly swirled when he felt the answer connect hard across his shoulder blades. Jensen felt his entire spine shiver from the impact, and his vision flashed in white pain as he hopped up in the air and fell down to his knees. He clumsily groaned as he landed flat on his face, drool flying out before him as a herald of his fall.

It should be noted that the reinforced tables of the Ixian Knights had reinforced chairs. Each one was thick to support the weight of many individuals who were huge in girth and musculature. Besides, to withstand the frequent activities and many army wide announcements required sturdier chairs.

The wood warped from the impact, one of the legs snapping off and spinning haphazardly into the air. William released the object and laughed as he touched one hand to the floor from his swing. He took in a few deep breaths, lifted a hand to wipe his mouth, and greedily stalked towards the table with the blessed and holiest twice baked potato. Blood and sweat was shed over such a small meal, but it looked splendid in all its glory. Like a waiting virgin princess awaiting a knight in shining armor to win a competition for her heart, the potato majestically waited to be placed within the mouth of the victor to be consumed.

Jensen’s body twitched and William glanced down, and then it happened. That familiar sound, that damning sound that haunted the corners of the Revenant’s mind that made him want nothing more than to efficiently eradicate it from existence. He growled lowly to the sound in protest, but it may as well been drowned out with the momentum that was gaining from the noise coming out of Jensen’s mouth.

A deep, insane laughter escaped the fallen knights lips.

Jensen curled his fingers back into themselves, tightening them into two fists ready to swing. He slowly lifted himself up, feeling the energy of his laughter bubble up from his bruised stomach. His ribs hurt and he could tell some internal damage had been done to his body from the chair shot. Still he laughed, despite the pain. When he was back on his feet he moved drunkenly around, a cruel mockery of the dance fighting he had done before.

“He he!” Jensen giggled. “Come on Willie, you aren’t getting my potato that easily! ” Jensen whimsically moved around, but then he stopped his pace as he gave a dark, long cruel smile. It seemed to spread from ear to ear as he bent over at the waist despite the pain of his abdominal muscles, lifting one hand and taunting the Revenant over. In a deep, mocking tone he spoke from the side of his mouth in a façade of a classy gentleman’s voice.

“Can’t touch me,” He taunted, before shrieking with laughter leaving himself wide open.

[Revenant]

Punch drunk as he was, William thought nothing of taking advantage of the opening Jensen gave him. Having fought both with Jensen and against him on multiple occasions, William should have realized that the immortal Knight was more than willing to take a hit or two to give himself an advantage in a combat situation. But the flurry of blows that William had taken left little room for cognitive thought in the Revenant’s mind. Acting purely on instinct, William attacked when the opportunity presented itself.

“Watch me,” William snarled surging forward to plant another rib-cracking hook into the immortal’s side. There was a satisfying crunch under his fist as one of Jensen’s ribs gave way, but the joy that William felt over it was short lived. Instead of reeling away from the blow, Jensen stepped up and did the one thing that William wouldn’t expect, headbutted him. William reeled back, more surprised than hurt, but Jensen wasn’t finished. Though slightly woozy from the headbutt himself, Jensen followed William and kicked the Revenant in the shin. When William raised the affected leg, Jensen stomped on his other foot, and then followed that up by clapping his hands over William’s ears, boxing them in.

Shrieking laughter followed the unorthodox assault as the two men flailed awkwardly across the dining hall. Driven back by the dirty fighting maneuvers there was little the woozy William could do but reach out blindly for the first thing that he could reach and slam it into Jensen’s face. A slight chuckle escaped from the gathered crowd when the first thing William could grab turned out to be a crème pie from the desert tray.

Pie exploded across Jensen’s face, halting the man’s assault. Recovering as quickly as he could, William crouched down and dove into the crème covered Knight, brining both combatants to the floor and one step closer to the culmination of their dining room brawl.

[Enigmatic Immortal]

Like two females mud wrestling Jensen and William tore into each other, slipping through their grasps covered in cream. Jensen failed another uppercut, William was having trouble keeping his grip on the slippery immortal. They rolled around the floor, snarling and cursing the other like rapid dogs all the way into the desert table, tossing more pastry goodness into them. TSN was in hysterics, his blessed soup was all ruined, and the mess hall had a corner devoted to destruction as the food and scraps of wood littered the two in a destructive wake.

“I said, MY POTATO!” Jensen screamed, his lungs burning with torment as he strained every muscle in his body to end William once and for all. He lifted the broken leg of the table that William had broken earlier, and smashed it against the demon kin’s face. The two exhaustedly crumbled, both breathing hard as the room was filled with an uneasy silence. Jensen was on all fours as William wistfully placed one hand on his heaving chest. Slowly the immortal crawled over to the potato. His hands had to dig into the dirt floor of the cave, his legs shaking violently as the muscles tried to give out. His hand slapped the table where the potato was located, and with the last of his strength he pushed himself up.

A loud thud echoed in the room as Jensen’s shoulder was slapped hard, a pie covered hand gripping it tightly as William pulled himself forward. His face was beat to shit, and he cringed as he moved, but his eyes still held the fire to defeat Jensen no matter the cost. Neither one could fight anymore, but they still could race to see who got to the potato first. It was a matter of will at this point, and whoever’s was strongest would get the holy prize.

“Not…going…to happen…” William wheezed. “Ambrose,” He finished with a heavy sigh. The demonkin was no longer in his transformed state, returning into his pseudo human form. The two pushed forwards like snails mating as they climbed over each other. William’s fist was pushing against Jensen’s jaw, the knight’s elbow shunting the demon host’s face back. They both cried as one, a violent, guttural final shout to beat the other back.

Their hands landed on the tray, they both pushed it towards themselves, and out fell the food of the gods.

Jensen’s hand was about to grab it, but William’s was there first, clutching it tightly, but careful not to smash it. Jensen’s teeth bit into his flesh, and the Revenant screamed opening his hand. Both looked to the potato, and at last Jensen’s eyes narrowed.

“Wait a second,” Jensen said releasing his teeth from William’s hand. The Ixian General looked to his hand in utter confusion, as they both stared at the food in his hand. “That’s…that’s…that’s….” Jensen couldn’t bring himself to say it, and even William’s discomfort was evident. In his bitten, pie covered hand was a small blueberry muffin.

“That’s not a twice baked potato!” William stated in a roar of disappointment. “Thayne’s be damned! That’s not the potato we were fighting over! Where is it?” He shouted looking over to the table. The immortal’s eyes went crazy as he fanatically searched for the culprit who dared to have snatched the potato from them while they fought, but when his eyes landed on the culprit he felt all his will power crumble.

Kyla Orlouge was nibbling on the final piece of the skin, a happy look on her face. She placed the last of it in her mouth, chewed it slowly as she looked to them, and then with a gulp the holy article of food, the food that Jensen had gone through hell to have, was devoured by the pregnant woman. His eye began twitching uncontrollably, his lower jaw quivering. He looked to her with disbelief, and then with a mournful wail of loss he lifted his head to the sky and screamed his frustrations.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Jensen bent over and beat his fists on the ground. He tossed the few things around him in a violent temper tantrum, and he noted that even William seemed to be thoroughly upset. The Revenant smashed his hand into the ground angrily, breaking a plate that was unlucky enough to be in the kill zone.

“Wow, you two really went at it!” Kyla said happily as she began licking her fingers from the juicy entrails of the potato. “That was quite the theatre luncheon special!” She joked as she turned to Stephanie, who’s eyes couldn’t belie the daggers she held in them as she looked to Jensen. Tobias Greenleaf was doing a miserable job of containing her own mirth as she walked forward’s to Jensen and lifted a hand to his cheek, batting his nose with one finger and scooping the whipped topping of the fallen pie. She smiled as she tasted it, laughing as she returned to Kyla.

Stephanie glared as Jensen looked back to her, feeling the sudden shame of his actions. Well, he didn’t actually feel bad about what he had done, just felt bad he got caught. He rubbed the back of his head, gingerly, and looked back to Stephanie with a hesitant chuckle.

“Uh, hi hun, how are you?” Stephanie pointed an accusing finger at the immortal.

“I gave you a simple list of things to do today! Take Azza to Underwood, fix the damn door, grab me a few books on pregnancy so I can be a good midwife for Kyla, grab me lunch and join me with Ta’gaz! How many things did you actually accomplish?” Her voice was in hysterics as she shouted to her love. Jensen looked back to William, and the Revenant merely scoffed as he turned away, shrugging.

“Well, I got Azza to Underwood.” Stephanie began to growl like a hungry wolf, her lips flaring showing her teeth. “And I fixed the door!” Jensen quickly added. Before he could mention Cassandra Remi had borrowed all the books she wanted the woman turned, bent down, and lifted the door to their home up and over her head, tossing it at both William and Jensen with a bit of strained effort.

“HIT THE DECK WILLIE!” Jensen cried covering his face. William did the same and both were hit hard in the chest as they got pushed onto their backs. Before Jensen could even groan he felt Stephanie’s weight push down on the wooden portal, both Jensen and William to tired to fight back.

“You owe me, big time!” Stephanie said seethed to both men as she stomped her foot one last time. “Fix the damn door, and meet me in the bedroom!”

“Uh sure thing, Steph!” Jensen whimpered pathetically.

“Ouu, Immortal’s being whipped tonight!” Tobias said in an obnoxious whisper so all could hear her. Jensen wanted to retaliate, but he couldn’t’ speak without Stephanie planting her foot in his mouth. Kyla giggled as she watched the scene unfold, and the immortal sighed as he turned to the tables.

“Can I at least grab something to eat? I haven’t eaten all day!” Stephanie angrily lifted her foot up and pulled the door with her as she let the men up.

“Twenty minutes!” She ordered as she left the door in Jensen’s care, leaving with Tobias and the mother to be. Jensen sighed in relief as he looked to the tables of food still left from the carnage. A solitary blueberry muffin was all that was left, sitting upon a plain ‘ol white plate. Jensen shrugged walking over to the muffin, lowering his hand when he bumped it into another hand.

“Oh hell no,” Jensen whispered curling his hands into fists.

“Lay off my muffin, Ambrose,” William breathed, lifting his other hand in a defensive position.

[Silence Sei]

• STORY ~ 22/30

CHARACTER ~ 20/30

• WRITING STYLE ~ 18/30

Wild Card ~ 10/10
70/100

Rev gets 1440 exp, 150 GP

EI gets 1930 exp, 150 GP

Both members have to work in the kitchen for two weeks as punishment for the collateral damage. Sei has also revoked each characters Twice Baked Potato rights for three weeks.

[Silence Sei]

exp GP added.

EI leveled up

Rev, you were already level 4, but I prolly didn't modify it if I added your exp last, so now its corrected, and you are the appropriate level. So technically, Revenant leveled up too.