Contrition

[Amber Eyes]

My legs nearly failed me as I walked the last few cold miles. Fear crept through my spine, nearly as cold as the wind itself as I saw the house in the distance. I thought of the last time I came to this place, and the memories of drinking hot cocoa with my family were so close to me that I could feel the comforting burn in the back of my throat.

It had been days since I'd had a proper meal, was that in Knife's Edge? Never mind the details, the energy from that stale bread given by a particularly friendly shop keep was far gone at this point.

Another whip of the wind sent shivers down my spine and pulled me back to reality. Was it my imagination or did the wind bring with it the hint of a mighty laugh? Oh laughter, so far away. Memories of days spent with Anita giggling as though the world weren't mere days from collapsing around me seemed to warm my soul. Was it really a matter of a few weeks since I'd seen my beautiful sister? Only a couple dozen days since Sei held me in his embrace and wished me well?

My next step buried my foot deep in snow, and caused me to trip. The wetness soaked through the light shirt I wore, and the cold burned my skin. I pulled myself to my feet slowly and looked around me again. A light layer of snow coated the treetops and the earth. The last light of the day shone with brilliant colors on the white earth, creating a rainbow in the small clearing. A small house stood across the field and from where I stood--It looked like heaven. I braced myself against the cold wind, and took the final steps toward uncertainty.

As I approached the house I realized it was indeed laughter coming from the small cottage. I knocked on the cold wooden door and my hand ached from the force. I heard some shuffling around and the door opened slowly. A giant hand appeared behind the white door, quickly followed by a big green eye. The eye blinked hard as though it needed to refocus before the door was thrown open and the world became warm again as my uncle Steppenwolf pulled me into his mighty arms. I felt the life pouring back into my extremities and they began to ache. Steppenwolf sat me down on my favorite chair after he swept all of the trash out of it with one giant arm. He handed me a blanket, seeming to suddenly realize what exactly I was wearing.

"What on earth are you thinking? It's freezing out there! I know you're a mystic, but even for one of us that's pretty cold." Steppenwolf lectured as he turned lit one of his numorous small fire pits. A candy wrapper was sitting on top of it as it lit and I watched it burn a beautiful blue before I realized he was still talking. "I mean I'm glad as ever to see ya, but how did you get here all by yourself?"

I turned my attention to my uncle, "Well, I remembered about where you were from last time and after everything..." I lost control then and began crying with a hopelessness that I thought would never end. Steppenwolf immediately pulled me into his arms and held me.

"Now now, Kylana it can't be that bad."

He had no idea.

[Amber Eyes]

Hours later I woke up to a wonderful smell. My head was laid on a fluffy pillow and my body was wrapped in a large blanket. I yawned and rubbed the sleepy out of my eyes then stretched my arms. They were sore from the journey in, and a few small scratches covered my arms from falling in the ice. I pulled myself out of the fluffy red chair I’d come to love during my last stay with Steppenwolf and looked around for my uncle. I heard a quiet voice speaking from the kitchen and turned towards it. The first step I took was excruciating. My legs were sore from the long walk as well, and they made no secret of their tiredness.

“Uncle Steppenwolf?” I said quietly, unwilling to rudely interrupt his conversation with his guest. I heard shuffling again followed by his bellowing voice.

“Kylana, you are up! Come eat, you must be starving!”

I situated myself onto one of his chairs and looked at the spread in front of me. Every food I could have wanted was on display. I hungrily grabbed a roll and ate half of it in one bite. Even as I swallowed my body begged for more and I ate the other half. I then grabbed a glass and poured myself some lemonaide before filling my plate with rolls and chicken and green beans. I ate half my plate hungrily before a bad smell caught hold of my nose. I searched the table in an effort to find the offensive smell, but I couldn’t place it. I looked at Steppenwolf, who merely shrugged his shoulders, and then I threw up. All of the food came back out of me quicker than it went in, which I hadn’t thought possible.

“I am so so so so sorry!” I cried looking at my uncle in embarrassment.

“Come on, I could tell from yer face that you were sick. It was that darn trip, you should have had an escort to make sure you were taken care of. Remind me to kick Sei’s butt for letting you come all by yourself.” He picked me up like I was a small child and helped me to his guest bedroom where Anita and I slept during our stay.

“He…he doesn’t know I came.” I stammered as he helped me to the dresser.

“I should’ve figured that one. Your gonna explain all this to me, understand? But first I want you to get a shower and dress yourself, I bought you girls some clothes in case you came to visit. I know they probably aren’t what you like but at least you won’t smell like recycled green beans.” He pointed his finger towards the adjoining restroom, “Shower’s through there if you didn’t remember from last time, let me know if you need anything."

[Amber Eyes]

I stumbled my way into the shower, my legs protesting each step. Thanynes above they hurt! I undressed slowly, each removal of fabric causing another ache as the cold air enveloped the exposed flesh. My skin had turned from it's usual pale white to a bright pink in almost every area. As I began to shower, the hot water burned my skin and I had to turn it to cold before I could continue. I scrubbed my skin to the point of pain, attempting to wash off weeks of grime, guilt, and throw up. I scrubbed until I began to cry, finally sitting in the base of the shower, letting the water cover my shame.

I don't know why I tried so hard, you can't wash away murder.

I was brought back to reality by a hefty rap on the door. "You okay in there, Kylana?"

I tried to pull myself to my feet only to realize that I didn't have enough strength to do so. "I...I'm fine...um...I'll be out in a bit."

"Are ya sure you're okay?"

"Yes I..." I gave one last effort and succeeded in pulling myself to my feet for just long enough to trip over the edge of the basen and land on the floor with a loud 'crack'. I cried in pain, unable to stop the sound from escaping. My ankle began to throb. Why the heck do I have to be so clumbsy!?!

"That's it little lady," Steppenwolf warned. "I'm coming in there."

"No!" I screamed, though I knew there was no choice. I couldn't get up, and he couldn't just let me lay here. "I'm not...not...I'm naked!"

"Well, I kinda figured that one." Steppenwolf laughed as he began to back into the room, holding a towel behind him. He inched towards me very carefully, holding the towel out. The moment it was within my reach I grabbed it and quickly wrapped it around myself.

"Alrght little missy, are we okay now?"

I quickly looked down to make sure nothing was showing that shouldn't be. "I thnk so..." I mumbled, competely mortified.

Steppenwolf turned and in one fluid motion picked me up. His face was too much, and made me laugh. His eyes were squinched shut and his cheeks burned red. "I think it's best we don't ever talk about this again." He laughed lightly as he laid me on my bed and left the room.

I couldn't help but laugh for a few moments, as bad as I felt, Steppenwolf had always seemed to understand. If nothing else in the world was right, he always was. I dressed myself slowly, taking care with my right leg, which was pretty beat up from the fall. The large man brought me some soup and put a bandage on my ankle before tucking me in like a small child and leaving the room. As I drifted I heard laughter coming from the main room once again.

[Amber Eyes]

I woke to the sounds of hushed voices, and pulled myself to my feet. Another bout of nausea filled my gut and I rushed to the restroom to vomit. It burned my throat as it rose, then my mouth was filled with a horrible taste. I wretched for what seemed like an eternity; each heave caused my stomach to cramp. By the time my stomach finally settled enough for me to get to my feet my abs ached terribly. I pulled myself back to standing and felt the now familiar weakness in my legs. I told myself that this was just a simple bug, nothing to worry about; but deep down inside I think I knew there was something not right going on. I cleaned myself up and put on a fresh set of clothes; a conservative top and a cute but much too long skirt. “Oh well,” I told myself in the mirror. “There’s no one out here to look at you anyway.”

As I walked towards the kitchen I thought of the voices and laughter I had heard previously, maybe there was someone here to see me. Who had Uncle Steppenwolf been talking to the day I came in? Why had he not introduced me? I entered the kitchen to the smell of tomato soup and looked at him quizzically.

“Does it not smell good? I hoped it would be alright, soup is good for a weak stomach. To tell ya the truth I haven’t ever taken care of a sick kid before, so I’m hopin I’m doing okay.” He chuckled as he made the last statement. “Papa Steppenwolf at your service.”

“You would be a great father Steppenwolf. At least you would never tell your daughter that you didn’t want a relationship with her, right?” I said with an unmeant hint of anger.

“Now Kyla, I know it wasn’t right, but you have no idea what he’s going through. Your dad’s a good man, a little hurt by the past yes, but a good man all the same.”

“A good man, huh?” I said, feeling my cheeks burn with my growing anger. “It’d be nice to know, but he doesn’t seem to want us to get to know each other at all! The man stood there and told me I wasn’t his little girl, who does that? What kind of arrogant, selfish, jerk…”

“Now that’s enough of that!” Steppenwolf looked at me with an anger I’d thought him incapable of. He seemed to rethink his approach for a moment, then continued firmly but with a kindness only he could have conjured at that moment. “Your dad’s been through a lot little Kyla.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but he held up one large finger to stop me. “Let me finish.”

“I know what you went through was tough; no one’s denying that, but your dad. He mourned your death once, we all did. I held him as they built the graves Kyla. He loved you more than you’ll ever know. Your brothers were his pride, but you were his heart. The only weakness he had was your blue eyes. You were spoiled rotten those first five years, none of us could tell you no. Your father used to carry you on his shoulder and carry you to the apple orchard. He told me after the raid that those were the greatest moments of his life. “

Tears welled up in my eyes, as I actually imagined what he must have gone through. “Then why doesn’t he want me now?”

“Oh, Kylana. He does. Look at it from his side. For 13 years you were gone, he became a recluse. He’d lost his entire family. His beautiful wife, his strong boys….” He laid his hand on my shoulder as the continued, “ and his baby. He cut off all emotion to get through it. Then this beautiful teenager shows up on his doorstep, the spitting image of your mama. ‘Like a ghost come to haunt me’ he told me. He looks at you a regrets not searching harder. Like it’s his fault you went through all that you did. I’m not saying he’s right for cutting you off like that, but when a wound heals it takes an awful strong man to reopen it. I believe my big brother is strong enough, but he doesn’t realize it yet. I know one day you two will be okay.”

I felt like my heart was breaking. How selfish was I? I had never even considered what it might be like for him to look at me and think of all he’d lost. I vowed to try harder to work on a relationship with him, and to be more understanding when he shot me down. That is, if he would even see me after he knew what I’d done. That sobering fact brought me back to reality and I remembered why I had come in here in the first place.

[Amber Eyes]

“Is someone else staying here? I keep hearing you talking and laughing with someone when I’m not around, but the guest room looks empty.”

“I hoped you wouldn’t realize that. I guess I’ll have to show you, but I warn you your going to think I’m crazy.”

“I already think you’re crazy, Papa Steppenwolf.” I giggled as he led me to the main room.

“Alright, sit over there an I’m going to bring him out!” He said excitedly.
I sat on the edge of the red chair and watched the corner.

He pushed a button and his robot began to make his way to the center of the room.

“OH NO! Not that thing again, turn it off!” I cried, remembering my last encounter with the item. “That thing tried to kill me!”

It was an exaggeration sure, but the robot stood about 3 feet high and had a boxing glove on its right hand. It had pulled back and attempted to punch me during our last visit and Sei had stopped it in the nick of time.

“It’s a bit different now. A lot different here lately. Kyla you aren’t going to believe this, but it worked. I was trying to save a friend. My best friend died, and it was my fault. I built this as an attempt to give him life again, and it worked Kyla. Within this clunk of metal lies the soul of Terry Rouge.

“I am pleased to meet you Kyla.” The robot said in a slightly metallic voice.

“There’s more to it though, here lately.”

“There are others,” Terry cut in.

“Other what? Other robots? You made more of them?” I looked at Steppenwolf confused.

“No, other souls in here.” Terry corrected me.

Steppenwolf looked at me, “I actually hoped you could help with that. The souls appeared only a few weeks before you did.”

“What do I know about it?”

“I’m not sure Kyla, but they say your name sometimes.”

“My name? How do they know my name?”

“Again…I dunno.”

“They told us you were coming.” Terry said, looking at me. A small gasp escaped me before I could stop it.

“Now Wind-up. Don’t freak her out.”

“I didn’t mean to do it!” I cried, sure that my uncle already knew the truth. “He tricked me.

[Amber Eyes]

Terry turned to me with a look of surprise. If a robot can give a look of surprise, that is. Perhaps it was more my guilt reading surprise on his face than anything.

"What did you do, Kylana?" Steppenwolf was at my side, his hand placed lightly on my shoulder and his eyes furrowed with concern.

"I killed them. I didn't mean to do it though, I promise." I forced the words out of my throat where they had hidden for weeks.

"Kyla, start at the beginning. I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

So I told him my story, beginning with needing a break from the tomb. I told him of finding the elves in a bar, and their introducing me to Jaydon Leonte, who would affect my life in ways I wasn't even sure of. I told them of his brother, Jamel. Of his research into dual mystic powers, of his hatred of the mystics who told him it was impossible. I told them of the spell, Jamel's life's work. I spoke of Jaydon's insistence Jamel's plans came to fruition.

"And he needed you." Steppenwolf said plainly, wiping a tear off my cheek.

"He told me I was his only hope, that he had to give his brother his peace." I interjected.

"Just keep going Kyla, no one in this room is going tio judge you" Steppenwolf urged.

So I finished my tale, beginning with the story of the practice run. I told them of the amazing powers I could wield without my anklet. I explained the intense pain that followed, and Jamel's insistence I continue. And finally, I told them of the spell, the wretched spell that took everything from me.

"It was in all the papers, he must have told everyone it was me! I've hidden my face and run from town to town. They're saying nine-tenths of the mystics are powerless. Over a hundred women had miscarriages, at the exact same moment across the globe. They're saying I had a vendetta against the mystics, that I had something to do with the raid in Chateau Drantrak all those years ago. I'm a murderer, Uncle Steppenwolf, and the whole world knows it."

"Kylana, no one who knows you will believe it. You are a good girl, and I'll see to it that the whole world hears of your innocence.”

“She is in no way innocent!” Terry interrupted, “How can you even say such a thing. Innocent people are now defenseless all thanks to her. Lives will never be known. There are at least a hundred souls hidden in here! Where do you think the mystic unborn went? A hundred children locked in a robot and you’re speaking of her innocence? Steppenwolf Orlouge, what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking I made a huge mistake once too. One that ended someone’s life. I spent years trying to make it up to myself, and I’m not gonna let her go through that. Think what you will Terry, but ignorant isn’t the same as guilty.” With that, Steppenwolf gripped my hand and led me from the room, leaving the robot Terry to his anger.

Once he led me to the kitchen and ushered me into a large wooden chair, Steppenwolf filled a bowl with soup. He muttered under his breath about retribution and unfairness. He slammed the bowl down with a bit more force than necessary before handing me a spoon.

“Mark my words little Kyla, we’re going to get the truth out there. First thing is getting you well, though.”

[Amber Eyes]

Days passed quickly, with me in and out of bed. Steppenwolf began to have creases around his eyes each time he looked at me. He and Terry's voices still carried through the house as I slept, though more often than not they now had hints of anger to their tones. After a couple of weeks I had lost quite a bit of weight and Steppenwolf made the decision to take me home.

"I can't go back!" I cried at his solution. "I'd rather die here than to go back and face everyone I did this to."

"Kylana, baby I know you are upset, but no one can hold you responsible for this. I won't let you sit here and die, I won't. We're going to Radasanth and we're leaving in an hour. Pack some warm clothing, I've borrowed a sled from a friend and that's that." Steppenwolf's attempt at a stern voice made me smile, and I didn't really have the strength to argue. The faces of my friends and family filled my mind.

Please don't let them hate me, I silently prayed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Within an hour Steppenwolf had piled me onto a sled, blankets covering every inch of me thick enough to create an oven in the Tundra. I was actually overheated but I thought better of protesting. Steppenwolf was simply trying to cover every possibility and I could not hold that against him. Steppenwolf walked in near silence, with Terry following the sled on which I and our belongings were packed. I was in and out of consciousness, arousing every so often to the sound of the sled dogs barking up ahead. I don't remember much of the trip, just that Terry was along for the ride and not happy about the trip. Steppenwolf was concerned at Sei's possible reactions to him keeping me for so long without letting Sei know I was safe. Possible scenarios were discussed, most involving some stranger trying to kill me. A few times we stopped and ate, each time I could not manage to keep it down. Steppenwolf looked defeated as he watched me fade.

I don't know exactly when the weather made the shift from frigid to warm, just that I awoke in a sweat and threw the blankets off. Steppenwolf smiled down at me, "That's the most action I've seen outta you in a month."

I smiled as I realized we were only miles from the tomb. Joy at seeing Sei, who could make any situation better filled my soul and for the first time I felt good.

"Welcome Home, Kylana" The voice filled my mind before I even reached the door.

Steppenwolf looked at me and smiled, "Oh yeah, he's pissed."

[Amber Eyes]

Several hours later I lay on a bed in the infirmary, Aislinn checking every inch of me for some type of injury. She kept kind of smiling under her breathe, though she never said a word.

"What's wrong with me?" I finally exploded.

"I'm not supposed to discuss it with you, Uncle Sei's orders. He wants to know first." Aislinn smiled at me, "You can get dressed if you'd like, Sei wants to see you."

"He's been listening in the whole time huh?"

"Yes I have, and I'd like to see you."

I walked down the hallways towards Sei's meeting room with a nervous stomach. The nausea I had been experiencing was nothing compared to this. I walked into the room to see Steppenwolf and Sei staring at me with expressionless faces.

"What's going on?" I stood near the door, as though I could run from whatever they were going to say.

"Please sit down Kyla." I did.

"Everyone makes mistakes, we all do things we aren't proud of.

I sighed loudly, "So there's nothing wrong with me? This is about the spell?"

"No Kylana, this is very much about your state of health."

"What are you talking about? What choice did I make?"

"I want you to know that I'm going to support you through this Kyla, you are pregnant.

I began to laugh.

[Amber Eyes]

"Kyla!" Steppenwolf looked at me sternly. "This isn't something to laugh about."

"You don't get it!" I continued to giggle. "There's a mistake. I can't be....I can't...." I looked deep into Sei's eyes and realize he was not joking.

"Sei..."

"You can't honestly believe...."

"I never..."

"It's impossible..."

Each time I began the prospect seemed more and more ridiculous. "Aislinn has to be screwing around Sei, I'm not."

"She's not Kylana, I can sense the second soul inside of you, Aislinn double checked her findings and only confirmed what I already knew. You are going to have a child."

"Everyone does things we're not proud of Kyla," Steppenwolf interjected. "We already know, and as long as it doesn't belong to that immortal kid we're totally supportive."

"Jensen?" The name seemed so strange given the situation, "What will Jensen think?" I said the sentence aloud against my better instincts.

"So it is his?" Steppenwolf seemed ready to spit venom. "Let me be the one to share the good news!" Steppenwolf took three steps towards the door before I was able to speak.

"No! I mean, it's not...we never...I never...."

All eyes were again on me. "I swear I never.....I've never done anything....with anyone." My eyes filled with tears. "It's impossible Sei, I've barely even had my first kiss." I plead with my uncle to reveal the joke here.

"Kyla, we all know that's impossible." Steppenwolf looked at me as though I'd lost my mind. "You don't just get pregnant by magic."

Sei looked deep into my eyes before speaking only to me. "Or did you Kylana?"

[Amber Eyes]

"Don't look at me like that!" I shouted as the two zeroed in on me. "This is absolutely crazy. I'm just dying or something and Aislinn has decided not to tell us. Sei I swear to you I'm not lying...I just..."

"I know you aren't Kylana. Please leave for a bit so I can think. Where did you say this place was? I need to look at the research you spoke of."

I quickly explained the house of Jadon's location to Sei and then excused myself to my room.

I stood in front of a full length mirror and took off my shirt. I looked myself over as though I was searching for some outward mark of the truth. The sickness had taken the small amount of extra weight I had and my ribs poked out awkwardly. My stomach was perhaps a bit bloated looking, but that was typical of malnourishment. My boobs were huge, and sore I realized as I pushed them in towards my chest. What the hell is going on?

I quickly pulled out a calendar, I looked at it repeatedly but there was no mistaking it. It had been nearly two months since I'd been home and I'd had no period since I'd been gone. I raced back to the mirror and looked at my stomach again. Was it just me or had it grown in the moment I'd been gone? I tried to suck it in as I heard a knock on the door.

[Amber Eyes]

Before I even turned around the door opened and in came Anita. She barreled across the room and grabbed my arm leaving the door wide open to the hallway.

"Have you ever heard of knocking?" I said, quickly rushing to close it before anyone walked by and saw my in my bra.

"I did knock!" Anita said, grinning from ear to ear.

"What's the point of knocking if you don't wait for the person to say come in?"

"Oh, shut up. You're the one harboring the big secret! So you're pregnant? Whose is it? When are you due? What are you going to name it? Wha..."

"Anita chill, I don't know anything. I've only just figured it out myself and I'm not quite sure how to wrap my head around it." I sat on my bed and pulled my shirt over my head.

"So..." Anita sat next to me and stared at her feet. "What's it like?"

I looked at myself in the mirror as I spoke, one hand gently rubbing my belly. "It's weird ya know? On one hand I'm confused and scared. I never wanted kids, but at the same time I'm already imagining what it might look like. Part of me feels like this thing has ruined my life, but you know that thing Sei said about finding something to fight for?"

I watched Anita's reflection nod.

"I'd kill for this child, even though I can't see it's face. Even though I'm still not sure it even exists. It's the strangest feeling, but I want it to exist."

Anita smiled a bit. "That's cool. But I was more so asking about how you got that way."

[Amber Eyes]

I lay back on the bed and placed my hands over my face, "That's the million gold question isn't it?"

"So your honestly saying you didn't sleep with anyone?" Anita leaned back next to me and grabbed my hand, pulling it to her side.

"No, I honestly didn't." I looked over at her, sure she thought I was lying. "You believe me don't you?"

Anita scrunched her nose as she thought, and then looked back at me. "I've seen stranger things from this family. So yes. I just can't wrap my head around it yet.

"I don't think I ever will," I confessed.

"It's been a long day, get some sleep and Sei will figure it all out."

Anita helped me get under the covers and left the room. Without realizing it I placed my hand protectively over my stomach as I drifted off to sleep.

[Mordelain]

Amber Eyes receives 1800 experience and 150 gold.

[Mordelain]

Experience and gold added.