Holy War 2: Chapter 3...

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

(( ~Holy War~ (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=19383) That link is my first battle between Alberdyne Cormyr and Sabatykos Maelstrom. I am looking for another battle with anybody who wants to join!!! ))

(Open!!!)

Thursday, October 2nd C.P. 1812
1:20 P.M. Standard Althanas Time

Once upon a time in Radasanth...

Months after another event, Sabatykos Maelstrom found himself traveling to and from Concordia Forest. His destination was Radasanth proper every time, where he would do battle against random opponents in The Citadel. Sabatykos had a death-wish, his depression was settling in his heart to the point where it was visible on his handsome face. Sabatykos was within The Citadel's chamber, Number Fifteen, which was a one of many public-service chambers used by the general populace of Corone. Filling out the proper documentation and speaking to the necessary people, Sabatykos requested an open battle to the death against the first taker. With his faith in the world rapidly fading, the youth had no choice but to attempt to seek an escape from it all. The thrill of battle seemed a logical choice.

Standing in one of the many farmland wheat fields in Yarborough district, the youth paced back and forth. Servants were working the fields for the wealthy property owners. Livestock traveled across the grounds feeding on the ample growth below them. Cows, oxen, and many other creatures native to Corone would be sold in the famous Bazaar district of Radasanth. Radasanth was located to the Northwest of his current position, a few days hard travel.

Sabatykos Maelstrom had become good friends with the farm's patron. He was a wealthy human named Jonas Vartagne. Vartagne had a son about Sabatykos' age who was destined to become a famous Merchant. The workers that were slaving on the fields were oft sold in the black market of Radasanth's underworld. In the days since he'd ventured into Chamber Number Fifteen, Sabatykos had obtained a job as an Engineer. He oft tinkered with the farm-bound equipment working on repairs and upgrades. The experience was a positive, and uplifting one. He'd managed to find a middle-ground between his growing depression and his sanity. Sabatykos was no fool, he knew something was wrong. There was naught he could do about the worsening situation at home.

Ever since that other event, Sabatykos' family had started to shun him almost all together. He was ignored by the rest of The Saenorakym Prime community. With no where to go, Sabatykos ventured to The Citadel in order to create imaginary worlds for himself. Worlds where he could prosper and work on his trade in peace and quiet. Then, when the time was right, he would fight against those who would test him at that point in his life.

Jonas' son was a man in his early twenties. He was also a Human. He was named Flynn Vartagne. As Sabatykos worked one of the machines of the field, Flynn approached. It had been several days since Sabatykos worked on the Vartagne Farm. Sabatykos had grown a full beard, and his dreadlocks were waist-length by then. He'd also grown much stronger working the land and it's bounty. When Flynn approached, Sabatykos stopped using the tools necessary to repair the broken down machine. Clockwork was the only thing that brought Sabatykos peace.

"Hey, Sab, someone answered your invitation. You should get ready." Flynn said carefully, reciting what his Father had told him. "They should be on the farm at any point to assist you with your...problem." Flynn added. "Please don't hurt yourself Sab."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about it Flynn." Sabatykos said and grabbed a skin pouch filled with cold water. He took several long pulls of the substance. "I'll be right here when the stranger arrives." Sabatykos said calmly. "I am not afraid to battle against whoever comes."

"If that's how you feel about it, I will relay the message to my Father. We will make certain that whoever comes will knock some sense into your head." Flynn winked. "I will be certain that our...guest...makes their way to you." Flynn bowed his head towards Sabatykos and then prepared to take his leave.

Sabatykos took one more pull of his water, and then went back to work on the farm machine. The repair job would pay well, and he could spend the money how he saw fit.

[Petoux]

You have been invited for a battle of the fittest in a nearby farmland. The competition is no other than Sabatykos, a fine lad indeed.

P.S. This letter is not written by Flynn



"Who the hell is Flynn, and what kind of name is Sabatykos? Oh well, I always like a challenge. It's been about a year or so since I won the Althanas Tournament of Champions and I feel a little bit rusty."

Sara threw the letter away as she headed to the farm that was described, for it was not to far away from where she left off.

She could see someone in the distance ...

"Hello ... um sir? You there! Pardon me, but is this the farm that offered a stranger a challenge to a friendly battle?"

If the challenger were indeed male as she foreseen, she wasn't sure how he could resist her feminine beauty and curves. Perhaps that would distract him and cause him to lose, but she has been proven wrong in the past.



I'm not the greatest at intro posts >.<

...

Here is my characters sheet:

http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=19521

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

The engineer was busily toiling away at work when he suddenly realized he was no longer alone. Sabatykos finished placing the last gear in place, added the screw to connect the gear to a larger mechanism and he was done. Sabatykos was covered with oil from the engine, and he had a simple cloth to clean himself off. He did it in front of his would-be opponent. He'd been able to finish the repair job, but that was one of a million chores that needed doing on the farmstead. Sabatykos, after a recent event, had left the township of his people's origins and was working on getting himself steady employ.

Waning, the afternoon was slowly becoming early evening. By the time his opponent showed up, stars twinkled across the purple sky. Sabatykos made one last check of the various mechanisms of the plow he was working on, and decided that everything was working to the best of his current capacity. Then, he turned to face his opponent. Sabatykos whistled when he saw a pretty girl, an Elf, and wondered which species of Elf the specimen originated from. His Mother, Sianere Oceroest, was an Elf native to the Concordia Forest.

His parents had married about a year after their original union, and created a family together. Spotting the subtle differences between this specimen and his Mother, Sabatykos smiled politely at The Elf. He took a waterskin from his packs and took a pull of it before remembering his manners. Grinning softly, Sabatykos rubbed his chin thoughtfully. His face had stubble on it, as he was developing a pretty thick beard. When another moment passed, Sabatykos spoke.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. The name is Sabatykos. My employees here at the ranch suggested I get some further training in The Citadel so that's why I am here." Sabatykos looked at the girl carefully. "Anyway. When you are ready, we can begin this."

After the recent event in Sabatykos' history, the youth had developed a toughened exterior. He had seen the demons of The Pyre and come back a changed man. Now a man of his people, the symbols that Sabatykos wore were etched on his arm. They covered the shoulder region. Furthermore, the symbols went down the upper portion of his arm. As a general language, the writings of his people was a confusing alphabet that had many bizarre symbols called Runes and Glyphs. Sabatykos walked over to his belongings which were near the fully repaired clockwork plow. He gathered up a sword, iron, masterwork in craftsmanship. It was a broadsword.

"Hopefully, you have come prepared!" Sabatykos yelled, then, adjusted his glasses. After that he went into a careful, but tight swordsman stance.

[Petoux]

Bound

All the scars and all the hurts were a weight against her, however it was an ineffectual burden for she had always had the weight of the world between her shoulders, slowly but surely crushing her. She could never guess the motives or persuasions of the countless people she had fended herself against in the past, only that at that time they were her antagonist. However by the same token, it could be said that she was someone else’s antagonist, many times before she could have been easily been the bad guy as it were. It was the reason that Sara had lost her faith in the balance between good and evil after the attacks that shattered the foundations of House Satori.

Still Sara fought, not for the blind idealism of being a hero among men, nor for the innate belief that humanity was separated by an invisible divide. For a long while, Sara had thought that she fought to protect those that were close to her, that she was born to keep others safe. However as she grew older and more cynical about the nature of people and gods, she began to understand that there was a bit of an inconsistency in her ideal when the very people she protected would eventually go out of their way to hurt someone else. For all they were worth people were just as manipulative and malicious as the gods that created them, clawing their respective ways up to the top of pile of their own crawling flesh and wriggling form.

Sara would still protect the people around her though; she still fought even if her reason was unknown. Perhaps the best way to explain it was an innate need to protect those that were close. She had grown from a young child to a disillusioned woman to make sure people did not become seriously injured. It had been ingrained into her as a habit, much like breathing or walking on two feet rather than on all fours, it was a compliance that needed to be observed at all times. Not that she could ever see a reason to break it, even with the rather morbid view of humans innate nature, Sara couldn’t seriously deny the gut wrenching feeling of others being hurt.

Rope and chains
Flow the veins
With knots and ties
Which bind us.

“Sabatykos huh? The name is Sara, I'm a high elf. You know there are legends spoken of what happens when the gods do battle. The earth shakes, the sky turns red and rains fire, and whole continents are lain to waste. These stories are told to chronicle these events, centering on the triumphs of the mighty, and the defeat of a great evil, so that mortal heroes can aspire to follow in the footsteps of their patron gods. And, in some mythologies, there are predictions of the future, where in one final battle, the gods and monsters shall meet one last time to settle their scores and become truly immortal, living on forever in legend. Here and now, though, we are not gods fighting...just two simple individuals, though the end result should still be proportionally spectacular."

Sara observed the man grab his weapon(s) and take stance enticing her to strike. She eyed him curiously and started laughing.

"Have I come prepared?" Sara laughed

"I don't need to come 'prepared' to the likes of a human. Throughout your history, you are so selfish and full of hate. I think it is you that should be prepared."

She quickly fired an arrow at his sword thinking...

Freeze....

... as it clunked off the sword onto the ground shattering into thousands of pieces. The sword he held started to freeze into solid ice, she then fired another arrow hitting the sword once again and thought...

Flame....

... as it clunked off again, the ice melted immediately shattering its encasement on the sword returning it to normal.

"If you think a sword has any chance against enchanted weapons, you are mistaken. But if you think I'm the one mistaken, how about you make the first strike?"

Sara smirked and enticed him back with a wink of her eye and a blow of a kiss just to piss him off.

"Let the games begin!"



My enchanted bow:

http://th03.deviantart.net/fs31/300W/f/2008/213/9/2/920efa37f2f83fa45ff98a0e2902a17d.jpg

It can either shoot the following:

Regular arrows
Ice arrows
Fire arrows

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

For a moment, Sabatykos looked at the weapons she launched at him. She was a ranged combatant, one who used enchanted gear. His sword was iron, and made of mastercraft specifications. Though the iron was not particularly powerful, it was a tough and sturdy material. Sabatykos looked at the metallic sheen as the fire super-heated his weapon. He studied the effect on his sword for a moment and then returned to his combat stance. She had moved quickly, precisely, this was not going to be easy. Shaking his head, Sabatykos did not like being called Human. His people were far from, they were travelers from beyond the canopy of Heaven, and the star ocean.

The markings on his arm, and, his unusually shaped ears revealed his hybrid nature. His DNA was not one that was native to Althanas, though he was adopted by Althanas herself. He'd become a son of Althanas. Part Elf, and part Saenoarkym Prime, the youth knew that she'd insulted his heritage greatly. However, this was a Citadel battle. Though it bothered him, and it showed in his eyes, he chose to let it go and swing into action. His sword's blade was white-hot from the elemental fire that she'd thrown at him. She is skilled, I will have to carefully calculate this in order to win... The engineer thought to himself.

Elemental energies still cascaded from the white-hot iron. Sabatykos had received the weapons he used in battle from his Father, Malus Maelstrom. Sabatykos covered the ground between himself and his opponent with as much speed as he could muster. His speed was not impressive, they were still earth bound and tied to the capacity of his powerful legs. His muscles knotted as he moved towards her and gathered up his weapon. Holding the grip with both hands, Sabatykos Maelstrom had to use his training to it's fullest capacity. He thought back to the event that had recently occurred to him and his people...

That event did not serve as a distraction, but rather, motivation. Hatred filled his youthful heart, a powerful hatred, one that would serve him well in that battle. Sabatykos recalled the events that had helped him win his tribal markings. Once he was a man amongst his people, Sabatykos would be free to follow his own path in life. That's the kind of freedom that the young scientist had won.

Swinging his weapon in a full rotation away from his opponent, the youth prepared to attack. When the swing reached the zenith of it's arch, he lashed forward in a spectacular arch. As he struck, the various events of his recent life began to course through his mind. First, the events of The Festival of Light, then, his battle against Alberdyne Cormyr. Sabatykos wanted more for his life than the thrill of The Citadel. When he lashed out with his weapon, he suddenly stopped in dead movement. Holding the tip of his blade towards the woman, Sabatykos began to circle her like a hungry wyvern. Holding one arm outstretched so that his broadsword was fully balanced in front of his person, Sabatykos slowly walked around the woman, studying his opponent. He had disengaged the physical battle for the time being. She reminds me too much of Mother... Sabatykos thought grimly to himself. How could I bring blades against my own Mother?

As he held his sword with one hand, he removed one of his iron daggers from the scabbard at his hip. He continued to study his opponent, calculating, learning. Sabatykos was a quick study and he was no fool. A tactically ranged fighter like her would want him to do something rash and stupid. Sabatykos paced around her person, his eyes questioning as he observed with his vast scientifically oriented mind. Again, the thought passed through his head, How can I harm my own Mother? Though he knew she was not his Mother, he associated The Elven kindred with a certain air of inferiority to his own hybrid status. Sabatykos was a halfling. Neither pure Saenorakym Prime nor pure Elf. When he had paced around her roughly five times, he stopped whilst he faced her. His eyes never wavered from her own, his hand was steady, and his muscled were coiled.

He spoke.

"I am no Human." Sabatykos began. "But there is no way you could have known that." As he spoke, his eyes narrowed. "Do ye honestly think that I would be daft enough to let you snipe me from a distance? I see that longbow you wield." Then, Sabatykos moved his sword arm in an attempt to point the tip of the blade in the general direction of the epicenter of her throat. He wore an aggressive expression on his face, but he held back. This was not a battle for pride or glory. This was simply education on the behalf of Sabatykos. He did not want to cause her permanent harm. "I am here to train..." Sabatykos said with a stern voice. Standing in place, Sabatykos toyed with the dagger in his hand and rotated it from time to time. "Now then. I have seen what you can do...see what I can do now." Moving quickly, Sabatykos made a sudden attempt to slash downward at a forty five degree angle. From the point directly in front of her neck, the youth swung downward hoping to catch her shoulder area, or at least some aspect of her body...

He made mental calculations to prepare for what he knew was coming.

[Petoux]

A toy ... a simple toy laying into my trap. So much to learn.

He circled her once ...

Unimpressed with his equipment and demeanor, she threw her bow to the ground throwing one last arrow at it as it hit the grass below which froze it in place.

He circled her three times now ...

Sara had a huge grin on her face "Let's make things more interesting shall we? More interesting before things even begin to make it a little bit more fair hmmm? Blades only, for the frost on the bow is impenetrable for about twenty-four hours."

Circling her for the fifth and final time, Sara held both her daggers in hand ... one in each palm. Once the enemies blade finally made action, she was well enough prepared for him.

Holding both daggers up in a "X" pattern, she blocked the sword strike and pushed herself back away from him.

"One hand on the hilt, one towards the blade. Or if you want to be bold, you could hold your blade firmly with one hand, and have the other to try to disarm or block next time. Who taught you to sword fight? A frog perhaps?"

Sara started laughing and enticed him to try again.

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

At that point in the battle, Sabatykos was not sure if he liked Sara or hated her. However, he could not let his emotions cloud his mind. As a scientific person, he always put logic before his emotions whenever he could. There would be time to socialize after the battle. She is taunting me... Sabatykos frowned at that thought. He could detect the power flowing from her person. It was considerable, and he would be wise not to underestimate her. Elves possessed considerable skill, he knew, cause his Mother was an Elf.

Again, the thought came to his mind. I wonder which tribe of Elf she belongs to, maybe we are kindred... Sabatykos thought to himself. His Mother was an Elf from Concordia Forest. He held his weight against the sword with both of his hands. As she spoke, Sabatykos could not help but think she was right, after all, her skill level was vastly superior to the scientist's own. Holding his muscles locked in place, Sabatykos suddenly thought of something. He began to attempt to push downward on his weapon with his upper body. His muscles knotted as he moved.

He was in good shape from constant training and using heavy tools. Sabatykos hoped that his current movement would at least partially open up the next part of his plan. He had to rely on the scientific art of physics for this bout, he did not currently possess raw power.

As he tried to push downward, he readied the next part of his attack. Again, he did not know if he could really hurt this woman. She seemed quite interesting to Sabatykos and the young scientist had been largely troubled after the recent events in his life. All he could do was hope that the first part of his maneuver would pay off. If he was able to move her daggers to a lower center of gravity, then just maybe...

[Petoux]

Good ... excellent

The blade pressed firmly against her daggers, she knew what he was doing for she was no fool.

Why did he leave himself open by using both hands? Desperation?

As she let his own sword to the work for her, the force of the blow forced the daggers to lower ... this was the work of a hard physical force and the work of gravity, yet she used it to her advantage, for now he was open to a counter.

She smiled as she released her daggers from the "X" pattern and brought them up and around. Without him even knowing what happened one dagger pointed towards his "family jewels" while the other lay dormant near his neck.

She quickly backed away shortly after ...

"You don't listen do you? Are you deaf? I could of easily slit your throat or gave you a free sex change."

She laughed...

Sara didn't realize he tore a little bit of her dress with his blade as she said...

"Think of the possible counters an attack could muster. Brute strength isn't always the answer, it is the tactical advantage. For example, you could try striking firmly with one hand yet leaving the other open to perhaps throw a punch or deflect an incoming attack from me. I'll give you one more chance to try again, but after that ... it's my turn."

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

She is lecturing me... Sabatykos' face wore the mask of a frown. As he looked at her, he kept his serious demeanor. She was mocking him, she had every right to mock him. After all, he wasn't the most skilled warrior on Althanas. His fighting style was never about brute strength, but subtle calculations perpetuated by a scientific mind. Sabatykos was a fast learner, and he understood that he was out-classed in every way. However, he would not give up even int he face of a superior opponent.

Sabatykos recovered from the bare miss of her last set of maneuvers. She'd missed on purpose, he knew that was the truth. She was in complete control of the battle. Sabatykos considered his position very carefully before he made the next maneuver. She was mocking him, that thought passed through his mind once again and it insulted him gravely. However, his face remained as calm as he would allow it too. He found himself suddenly at a loss as what to do next. His mind calculated various strategies he could use, but they were all limited by his own muscles and body. He was too weak, the realization hit home in an absolute fashion.

I need more power. Sabatykos closed his eyes for just a moment as and even as he did he could perfectly picture the woman before him. A moment later, he opened his eyes and then prepared his next maneuver. He was confident in his skill as a swordman, but that confident meant very little compared to how effective his opponent had proven. Sabatykos readjusted his combat stance, and placed his sword at about a middle center of gravity.

He didn't know what to do. Plans were coming up just short of becoming grand schemes. She had his number and he knew it, the youth carefully sized up his shorter opponent for a moment or two and then prepared his next attack. Likely, it would be his last of the bout. I gotta make this one count! Releasing one hand from the grip of his weapon, Sabatykos pulled one of the masterwork iron daggers in his possession. If she had his number, so be it.

Holding his weapon with one arm, the youth lunged forward towards her chest, but that was not the true attack. The first part of his movement was meant to be a distraction, if he caught her at all. Thinking carefully, he suddenly rotated his dagger-hand with a quick movement and released the dagger at the apex of his movement. So she had two incoming blades to deal with, he was eager to see how she dealt with that. He threw the dagger at roughly the level of her upper body, and he hoped one of the two blades would connect with...something...

[Petoux]

Sorry for the delay. I have a new job that is 50 hours a week. Real life comes first. I hope we finish it though, so it can get judged ASAP for gold and exp.

:D



Sara was screwed, she knew she couldn't dodge both blades at once. Her only choice was to dodge the worst of the two and take the brunt of the other. The main blade/sword missed her easily as she dodged to the left, yet the thrown dagger grazed her arm almost all the way up leaving quite an impressive gash.

She winced in pain...

"Much better..."

Sara said as her blood trickled a little bit of the ground...

"... I honestly didn't anticipate that."

Without any warning, she threw both her daggers at the same time towards her opponents own torso as she drew out her short sword hoping that her blades would do the same damage, yet also preparing for the next attack with her sword ready in hand.

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

I apologize for my delay. I been in a bit of a funk

I can do it!!! Sabatykos thought to himself, but controlled his emotions as best as he possibly could. But his eyes belied the excitement he felt. He'd landed a solid hit against a superior opponent. But that didn't meant that there was time to relax just yet, she was on the move. Out the corners of his eyes, Sabatykos could see her attack coming in, but knew there was little he could do. Her reflexes and general movement capacity was far superior to his own.

Sabatykos could only do one thing at that moment, and that was react. Keeping his thoughts controlled and his head cool, Sabatykos suddenly shifted his body weight. He knew he could not avoid the full power behind her deadly attack, but he could at least lessen the damage. Sabatykos was on the move and his body reacted on instinct. She sent her weapons in his general direction, and Sabatykos was able to move in a slight away fashion.

He balanced on his forward leg, tightening his calve muscles, and then used his back leg to suddenly swing his body into a completely different angle. His free arm faced his opponent, whilst his weapon-arm faced away from his opponent. It was an ugly shimmey maneuver, but it was effective. He saw the blades as they pierced through the layer of thin clothing he wore, and tore at his flesh. More blood.

Sabatykos cringed at the pain as her blades tore through him like a hot knife through butter. However, she had moved well within striking position. Sabatykos suddenly swung his longsword, again an ugly maneuver but a necessary one, in the general direction of her arm closest to his person. He put his whole effort into that attack in an attempt to lob her forearm off of the rest of arm. If it connect, Sabatykos would be ready for his next maneuver. He was counting off seconds as blood flowed freely from the new injury....

[Petoux]

A funk? Everything ok?



The blade connected, not the way as anticipated, but it got the job done none-the-less. With a quick turn around, her opponent lunged at her without thinking. She could tell he was growing desperate to finish her off, but on the other hand, he didn't have much time to react.

A panicked last ditch effort, I can tell.

Sara smiled as she met her blade with his and pushed him a little bit back. She quickly did a turn while arcing her sword at a 45 angle and as she turned back to her opponent ... the blade was heading straight to the mans' shoulder and if connected, would slice through his shoulder and go all the way to the knee.

As the attack commenced she noticed her dagger on the ground and planned her next attack.

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

Yeah. I just been having to deal with an IRL situation. Though I'm posting everywhere today.

The next few moments were as a blur. Due to the pain that Sabatykos currently felt, and the awkward position he was in, the match was not Sara's. Sabatykos could no longer feel his arm as it was lobbed off his person. It fell uselessly to the ground, there was little he could do about it due to his forward momentum. Sabatykos screamed and clutched at his arm. It was bleeding everywhere, and the trauma of loosing his arm was perhaps more than the inventor could bare. He fell to the ground screaming, a horrible noise. He had submitted the match, the only thing left was for The Monks to work their healing arts on him.

A moment later the vast wild lands of Yarborough District faded away replaced with an empty Citadel room. Sabatykos clutched at his arm with his body twitching in shock. His pupils were dilated, and he was laying on his back bleeding everywhere. He'd suffered tremendous amount of damage to his person without complaint. The Monks were already running into the chamber prepping their Healing Arts. Sabatykos clutched his arm not knowing what else to do. The match was over...

Fin

Good luck Sara, I can start us a quest shortly that takes place after this match.

[Zerith]

Holy War 2: Chapter 3...

Alright, so here we are yet again. Another battle is finish and another rubric is about to be posted. Are you two eager to see the results? I hope you are. Again (I can’t stress this enough) I’m REALLY sorry about the wait the two of you had to endure. I’m not going to make excuses as to why it took this long, I’m just going to go on ahead and finish this, as I’m sure you both just want this over with.

As always, please feel free to send me any questions about this rubric via PM or another means.

Sabatykos will be red for this rubric, Petoux will be blue.


STORY - 4/3 – I’m not going to sugar coat this, I felt like the story was really lacking here. Sabatykos gave the reader a good explanation as to why the story was taking place in his introduction, so I understood what was going on and why. Yet Sara appeared as some sort of supporting actress. She received a letter, and always wanted a challenge since winning the tournament. Looking back on the introduction, I can’t help but wonder if it would have been possible if you could add a little more depth to it. What happened in her life between the tournament and this battle? Was she getting bored with a lack of action, was she just drifting from place to place, waiting for another encounter or something. The lack of introduction failed to pull me into the thread further, but your second post gave me more of an understanding of why Sara fought, but by that time the fight was already beginning to get started. I understand a battle is very different from a quest when it comes to trying to tell a story, and it’s very tempting to pull the whole “I got a letter to go to the Citadel and fight? Okay!” (or the popular “I’m bored and I think I’ll just go there for the fun of it”) card out and use it as an explanation. However I really want to encourage you to use your imagination and something new. Blow my mind away.

Other than that, the action in the story went along fairly smoothly, though I felt the thread endied abruptly. I don’t know if Petoux was robbed of a concluding post, but I felt like Sara really deserved one.

Oh, and Sabatykos. I understand that you linked the prequel thread in your first post, but you really should have explained this ‘recent’ or ‘other’ event that seemed to have a big impact on your character. You don’t need to explain it every time you mention it, just a brief synopsis of the event when first talked about would have been enough. Think of it as picking up the second book in a trilogy and reading it. You don’t really know what’s going on, but they give you enough to have a small idea of it. Yes, if you read the first one you would be able to have a greater understanding, but it’s not really necessary.

Continuity – 6/3 – Sabatykos, this was one of your stronger areas in the thread. You explained to me not just that Sabatykos was in the Citadel, but also about the setting the battle took place in. You even mentioned other places such as the Concordia Forest. While you didn’t do anything spectacular like mention the how Civil War was impacting the farmland, or have people like Flynn speak with weird accents, you made it clear how this thread would fit into the Canon.

Unfortunately Petoux, I felt like you only touched on how Sara fit into it. Yes, I know she won the tournament of champions, and you did mention House Satori and that she was a high elf. Though I think that was pretty much it. There was no mention of the Citadel, the monks, Yarborough (thought you did mention a farm very briefly) or even Corone. You didn’t refer to her past though, and mentioned legends and gods. So how to I explain this? I had a vague understanding of how Sara fit in to her own personal story, but not how she fit into the Canon. Continuity is about bringing the world of Althanas into the story. Name places, have people speak in different languages or even mention historic events like the Demon Wars or even the Civil War that is supposed to be going on in Corone (at least I think it still is). It’s these things that will give you a higher score here.

Setting – 5/1 – Sabatykos did a decent job explaining the scenery, giving me a good idea of how to picture to environment. You also make the transition from afternoon to evening fairly clear to me as well. My only complaint here was you kinda stopped spending time on the scenery after that. There was no mention of the breeze blowing over the grass, or no further mention of the open farmland I assumed you were fighting on. I believe in your last battle I read you were mentioning the current of the river, and how it hampered your movement, so I was waiting to see more of that. Unfortunately I was a little disappointed.

Petoux, I was really disappointed with you here. In your first post you briefly mentioned ‘farm’ and ‘farmland’, then you Sara threw her bow down to the ground where it froze. Those 3 or so sentences was nowhere near enough, and I felt you could have taken what Sabatykos came up with and expanded on it by either have Sara admire the stars or detest the smell from the cattle in the distance. I really hate do give low score, but I don’t see any other option here. I strongly encourage you to use and interact with the setting more in future threads.

Creativity – 3/5 – I’m giving the edge to Petoux here mostly because of how the bow and the enchantment was used on Sabatykos sword and the grass. While I understand that Sabatykos is mostly a melee fighter, none of his movements really struck me and trying to step out of the box. It was either trying to use distractions, using brute force or just trying to overwhelm the other with attacks. Most of those have been done before, I suggest asking yourself what could Sabatykos do that would be really unique.

Character - 6/4 – I had a very brief window of insight into Sara’s character in your second post, Petoux. When you explained the reason why Sara believed she fought, that was when I felt like I was really getting to see how the gears worked inside her head. The only problem was that you did give me more. All the other tiny glimpses of character were hidden through her dialogue and actions, which honestly gave me the impression she was a smug, confident woman. I feel like I only managed to scratch the surface here when I really wanted to see more. I would have loved it if you had put as much effort describing more of Sara’s thoughts and opinions as you did in your second post.

Sabatykos, you gave me a greater understanding of you character. How he was depressed at first, then how he had a tougher exterior and wanted to train. My only issue are that things seemed confusing. First he wanted to die, and then he just really wanted to win and survive? Then he seemed to have trouble bring his blade against Sara, but quickly overcame that? These conflicts made things confusing for me personally, but I still had saw more of your character and it’s development then I did with Petoux’s.

Interaction – 5/5- The interaction done by both of you, while believable, left me wanting more. With Sara, I didn’t quite understand why the hell she was trying to give Sabatykos tips if she was just there for a challenge. I have a vague idea why, but it just doesn’t seem natural. As for you, Sabatykos, I felt like you really tried to play it safe with Flynn. However it was to the point where he just didn’t seem to be this aspiring merchant you claimed to be, but more of an old chum of Sabatykos’. It was almost like I wondered why he didn’t just say “Hey buddy!” when he first appeared. That’s how skewed I thought the interaction with him was.

Strategy- 3/5 – Sabatykos, the thing that really, REALLY hurt you here was the pacing around five times. It’s just unnecessary and very unnatural. If you were fighting Zerith, would you not think that the halberdier would have gotten fed up with you and attacked by the time you were working on your second or third lap? You were fighting an archer, so I’m sure Sara could have easily shot a couple arrows into you during that time period. Other than this, nothing else really jumped out at me with his other actions.

Now Petoux, while I admit the use of the bow was creative, I really thought to myself “Wow, really...that’s kinda lame.” I understand Sara wanted to put Sabatykos in his place, but it would have been much before if she launched a ice arrow into his kneecap or something to show him she shouldn’t be underestimated. Other than this, nothing really jumped out at me. This seemed to be a basic ‘parry, slash, parry, take the lesser blow and attack’ plan. Yes, it did work, but it’s worked time and time again in the past.

I just didn’t get a sense of a ‘wow’ factor here.

Mechanics – 6/7 – By far one of the strongest catagories for both of you. Petoux had the rare spelling error, and I believe a missing comma or two, while Sabatykos have more spelling errors. I trust you guys are using Word Processors and the like, so I’m just going to suggest taking the time to read through your posts just before you submit threads. You never know, you may catch something.


Clarity – 5/8 – I have no idea what you meant by a, “careful, but tight swordsman stance” Sabatykos, so I was left trusting you could imagine exactly what you were talking about. I found myself having to reread a few of your posts, particular the sections were you were attacking in order to understand how your character was moving and positioning himself. Other than those sections, the rest was clear to me. Yet I had to take my time to be sure I wasn’t misunderstanding something.

Petoux, your posts were much clearly, to the point where I had to spend much less time reading them over and over again to understand what was going on. The one part that confused me in particular was where Sara caught the sword between her daggers, as you claimed she blocked it and then backed away from him. Since you were fighting in an open space, I didn’t understand why you continued to be caught in a deadlock. Other than that, your posts were much clearer to me.

Wild Card – 5/5 – Overall, this was a okay thread for the both of you, but I felt you could have done better. I wouldn’t put this on my list of favourite battles, but it’s not one of the bad ones I’ve read either. Although it had some issues, I could see someone reading this if they wanted to read a decent, fast paced battle from start to finish.


FINAL SCORE – 48/46!!

Sabatykos Maelstrom wins!!


Rewards:

Sabatykos Maelstrom receives 500 EXP and 125 GP!!
Petoux receives 200 EXP and 95 GP!!