Without the One You Love

[Amber Eyes]

"You don't have to pretend. It's okay to be upset." I rubbed the woman's back as I tried to soothe her.

"Upset?" The woman stared daggers, "Pissed off is more like it. How could he just leave?"

Yeah Jensen, How could you?

Worse things had been said within these castle walls, worse insults thrown around daily. So why did you go? I blinked back tears as I looked at Stephanie.

"I'll be fine," the knight smiled though it never reached her eyes. "You just worry about taking care of that little boy of yours."

I smiled as best I could and left the room, taking a moment to pat Azza lightly on top of her silly hat. "Let me know if you need anything." I left the room.

In the hallway I finally let the tears flow. I wanted to chase him down, beg him to stay. I wanted to scream at him and force him to stay, but he was not mine to stop. Stephanie's pride was as strong as Jensen's, and deep in my heart I felt like I would never see him again.

[Amber Eyes]

I walked down the empty hallway taking in the glumness of it all. Was it just me or was it eerily quiet? I walked into the kitchen where the crew were still cleaning up the gallons of soup that covered the floors. Soup Nazi was standing with his head buried in his hands, clearly destroyed at the thought of the wasted soup.

I approached him and smiled slightly. "I'm sure it will be even better when you make it tomorrow," I offered. "I sure will miss it at dinner." The cook looked at me and bowed his head, "No soup for anyone."

I began to pat his back awkwardly, "No, I suppose not."

As I began to exit the kitchen I noticed Anita walking towards her room and I rushed to catch up to her.

"What happened? What did Sei have to tell you? Is he coming back?"

Anita turned towards me and raised an eyebrow, "No. He's not, why would you want him to after all the horrible things he said to papa?"

I rolled my eyes, "You mean all the horrible things he said about you? Wise up Anita, there's more to it than that. Everyone in that room said things they didn't mean. You really aren't mad about what Sei said about Taka? We stood up for you like we were supposed too, but Sei has never spoken like that about anyone before."

"He's tired of all the drama that Jensen brings."

"If that were the case he would have gotten rid of me months ago!" Kyla ran her fingers through her hair as she thought. "There's go to be more to it! Sei wouldn't say those things, he just wouldn't."

"Whatever Kyla, dig around if you will but I don't personally want him back so don't expect me to help." Anita excused herself to her room and closed the door.

"I never do."

[Amber Eyes]

I searched high and low for Sei. The first person I ran into was Taka, "Have you seen Sei?"

"He was in the study last I saw."

"Thanks. I'm sorry about everything that was said in there. I'm certain he didn't mean it. I think Sei's having a very bad week." Without awaiting a reply; I hurried off, determined to ask my uncle a few questions and get to the bottom of things.

When I reached his study it was empty save Tobias. "Have you seen Sei?"

"He rushed off a few moments ago. Something about the garden."

"Thank you. Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"Doesn't this all seem a bit strange to you? Sei loosing it, the improper training, Sei's letting others take the blame. Jensesn actually walking out? Something isn't right, don't you think?"

I searched Tobias' eyes as I listened. "I think we've all had a bit too much lately Kyla. I think we're all a bit scared of what the future holds."

I nodded as I replayed the words in my mind. "Thanks. I'm going to go look for Sei."

"See you at dinner." Tobias offered.

"Yeah," I shouted over my shoulder. "Just don't plan on soup!"

[Amber Eyes]

As I reached the garden I noticed it was starting to cool off. I crossed my arms for body heat and walked the path that I had drawn up. I saw Jasmine's gardens in Moriah and I fell in love. When we were building the caste Sei asked me for input and I'd requested only one thing; this garden. Since then this is where I thought, this is where I read to Akiv, and this is where I cried when I was afraid of someone seeing. Yes, if Sei was upset this would be the best place for him. I walked along the path until I saw Jeremiah, our resident gardener.

"Jerimiah! How are you?" I called froma distance.

"Kyla, I'm doing well. I've heard it's been an exciting day for everyone."

"I guess that's one way to put it." As I approached I sat on the edge of a flower bed. "You haven't seen Sei around have you?"

"As a matter of fact he was out here just a few moments ago. We had a good long talk about those tulips over there." Jeremiah pointed a long crooked finger at a bed of flowers that had yet to spring from the earth.

"It kinda just looks like a big pile of dirt. Maybe we should give up and plant something else." I stared at all the other flowers that stood tall and beautiful in their beds.

"That's what I was saying, but Sei told me to hold off."

I furrowed my brown, "Why should we not plant something there if they aren't going to grow."

"Your saying exactly what I did, but Sei says 'no, the most stubborn flowers will grow into the most beautiful.' That's exactly what he said Kyla." The man smiled. "I told him, they're just not wanting to come up, and they're making the whole garden look bad. He says, 'Give them time, when they choose to pop up your not going to regret it.' I never was a patient man, but I'll tell you I'm not going to touch those tulips."

I smiled as I looked at the bed of flowers. "What color are they supposed to be?" I wondered aloud.

"Pink. They're gunna be pink."

"My favorite. You know what? He's right, they'll be perfect. Which way did you say he went?"

"Out to the training field, he said something about speaking with Tagaz.

[Amber Eyes]

I picked a small bunch of flowers before smiling at the gardener and making my way towards the Ixian training grounds. Like everywhere else today they seemed nearly abandoned. I approached the changing area and knocked quietly on the door just in case someone was changing inside. Moments later a voice greeted me.

"Come on in, just finished up out there." The booming voice made me smile a bit. I quickly rushed in and jumped into the arms of my uncle Steppenwolf. He as always picked me up like I was a small child. Once he set me down I realized that I was crying again.

"Was it very bad?" I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.

"What Kylana?" Steppenwolf put his massive hand on my shoulder and I sat down on the wooden bench near the showers. "What are you talking about?"

"With Jensen. Did he hurt very bad, before..." My voice trailed off as tears welled up and threatened to fall.

Steppenwolf's face hardened a bit and he looked at me sternly. "We had to do something, he was going nuts out there. I couldn't just stand by and..."

"I know," I offered. "He deserved it. I just hope it wasn't too bad."

"I promise Kylana, he's been through worse." Steppenwolf looked down at me with his eyes full of worry, "Are you going to be okay little girl?"

I tried my best to force a smile to my face. "I think so. Have you seen Sei?"

"He went to get ready for dinner I believe. I think we ought to head that way too." Steppenwolf stood and held out his hand, "How about a ride in."

"I couldn't." I laughed, "I'm much to old for that."

Steppenwolf reached down and in moments I was atop his shoulders looking at the world from above his gigantic pink afro. "Sure ya can."

[Amber Eyes]

We entered the castle to several stares and a few joking comments, most of the knights were used to me and Steppenwolf's antics by this point so it was not much of a surprise.

Steppenwolf carried me all the way to the dining hall before depositing me at a table with Anita and rushing off to get in line. It took me a few moments to stop laughing before I looked up. Anita looked at me disapprovingly before taking a bite of her apple.

She crunched loudly before speaking, "You know that makes you look like a goof instead of a general right?"

The words honestly knocked the wind out of me. She couldn't bring herself to be understanding about losing my friend today, and then when I finally start to look on the bright side a bit she wants to make fun of me?

I looked at her and smiled as wide as I could leaning in to whisper, "You know talking like that makes you look like a bitch instead of a sister right?"

I shoved the table in as I stood up and the force knocked Anita's tray into her lap. She stood up immediately staring at her white shirt that was now covered in tea.

"Just be glad you didn't have any soup," I glared as I excused myself from the dining hall.

[Amber Eyes]

I made my way to the highest point in Ixian Castle. It was a balcony area that was surrounded by a three foot wall so that you could see all areas surrounding the castle. It had been a strategic move on Sei's part to build it, but Anita and I had turned it into our own rooftop hangout.

I lifted myself and sat on the top of the wall and stared out into the evening sky. I saw a few of the knights putting in their last training hours as the sun hid itself behind the world. I felt the urge move with it, to hide from this side of the planet for just a few hours. I did not want to go back inside and face the lecture I was sure would be waiting for me. "Orlouge children don't act like that," I would be told. "We are an example to the army."

"Screw the stupid army!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, sure that no one would be able to hear me. "I don't care anymore! Screw this stupid army and all the stupid rules that come with it! Screw all these people that want things from me that I can't offer! Screw the prophecy and all the training. What good is saving the world if you can't live life the way you want to?" I screamed as tears began to fall down my face, unsure of who I was yelling at but with no intent of stopping. "What's the point of fighting if at the end of the day I still can't have him?" I placed my hands on either side of my body and pulled myself to standing on top of the wall. The wind blew my hair and I held my hands out to my sides, willing the wind to whisk me away.

"How could you?" I cried, speaking to Jensen who was thanynes knows where by now. "How can you just leave? Stephanie and Azza need you! The army needs you." I had to stop for a moment to catch my breath before I could continue, "I need you."

I closed my eyes and lowered my voice. "I love you you stupid asshole! I love you and I can't help it. I've tried not to, I've gone months away from you, but still every day there you are like the stars or the moon. Close enough for me to dream about but just out of reach. And now....now...." I gulped back tears as I tried to finish my sentence but the words would not come.

”Kylana” the voice that had soothed me so many times before filled my mind.

[Amber Eyes]

I froze the moment I heard him. Several emotions raced through me before my heart finally settled on rage, and I reeled on him. I don't know what it was that came over me, but at that moment Sei Orlouge was the enemy.

I turned, still standing on the ledge and stared straight into his eyes. "How could you do this to me? To us? All those horrible things you said! You are supposed to be holding this army together, not ripping it apart! I have never once questioned your tactics, never once given a second thought to any command you've given. I trusted you, we all did. How could you do this to those men, to him, to me?" Tears filled my eyes as once again my mind reached Jensen's eyes. Sei who had stood completely silent during my rampage finally crossed the patio. His eyes were kind even though my own probably seemed more like orbs of death than their typical sky blue. He placed his hands on my sides and lifted me from the ledge before setting me gently on the rooftop. I pulled away from him and sat upon the ledge, where he soon joined me. He placed his hand on my back and a sort of gravitational pull drew my head to his shoulder. I cried for several moments before he finally spoke.
"There are so many things you don't understand. So many people pulling me in so many directions. I have to be able to trust each of you to fufill your own duties, because as much as I wish I could, I can't be everywhere at once. Taka's men were trained poorly by a man I trusted to do the job. Taka thought he was taking out trained soldiers and until the middle of the battle he was unaware that they had no idea what they were doing. As far as Jensen, the things he said were too harsh for me to simply ignore. Jensen has a lot of things he needs to take care of before he can help us reach our goals. I do not regret anything I said today, perhaps the way I said them could have been better but the meaning holds true. Jensen will not appologize, but I believe some time away will make him realize that he has something here he doesn't want to lose."

My heartbeat sped up even though I knew Sei was not refering to me.

"So," I wiped away the itchy wet streaks on my cheeks. "Do you think he'll come back?"

" I know he will Kylana, I have faith that Jensen is stronger than you are giving him credit for."

We stopped talking then, each of our minds filled with our own thoughts. We simply stared out into the night air. After a few minutes I reached over and took his hand. "I miss him." I whispered softly.

"I do too, Kyla. I do too."

[Amber Eyes]

I stared into the darkness after he left, the silence covering me like a blanket. I reached into my back pocket and felt the book there, tucked safely where no one else could touch it. I pulled It out and traced my fingers along It’s worn cover, fingering the title. I remembered the moment Jensen had given it to me.I could picture the moment in my head, him smiling at me as I woke up furious about being abandoned the night before. Within one moment of looking into his eyes I had forgotten that life was not perfect and I smiled up at him. My hair was a mess and I’m sure my eyes were swollen from crying but Jensen seemed not to notice. That was the day he gave me this book, the property of one of the few people he’d ever cared about. That was the moment I thought maybe he loved me too.

It wasn’t long after that that I let my childish emotions get the better of me. I was jealous and immature and I broke things off thinking I would cry for a few days and that would be that. I look back at me then and think How could you be so stupid. No one, least of all I realized just how hard my heart would break.

I was doing okay, believing that Jensen would eventually realize just how sorry he was I was gone. Then came Azza. A beautiful little girl with a love for life, she was really the perfect daughter for Jensen. The only problem was Stephanie. Thaynes knows she is a wonderful person and deserving of all the wonderful things life has given her, but why did it have to give her the wonderful things I wanted? Why was it her happiness or mine?

I shook my head and willed myself to do something about it. I withstood losing Jensen once, I can’t do it again. I thought as I rose.

[Amber Eyes]

As I reached my room I sat at my desk, watching my reflection in the mirror that sat to my right. I smiled as I opened the squeaky drawer and took out an ink pen and paper.


Dear Jensen,
I hate you today. You are truly the most irritating person to ever live. If I didn't know it was a futile mission, I would kill you. I hope you never return as my life feels much simpler and already brighter without your presense.
Kyla

PS. Please see the reverse side for the true meaning.


I smiled as I turned the paper over and began to write on the back.



My Dearest Jensen,
I love you. You are the most irritating person to ever live, and I wouldn't change one bit of it. If I thought there was any hope I would tell you all of this. I hope you come back very soon becaue each moment of my life without you feels like the sun has burnt out.

Love always, Kyla

[Revenant]

Condensed rubric requested.

Story: 15

Character: 19

Writing Style: 15

Wildcard: 5

TOTAL: 54

A nice decent thread. Short but full of emotion and pleasant to read. It's always nice to get a bit of 'inside' time with the characters and to see their lives away from the general hero/villain schtick.

Amber Eyes receives 1712 exp and 110 gp.

[Silence Sei]

GP-Exp added.