Bark at the moon Reveiw

[Fenrir]

Hi,
I'm new to writing this character, and I'm not sure how I'm doing writing a wolf. Could people give my really short first post a skim and tell me how I'm doing grammatically and such?

Here's a link:
http://althanas.com/world/showthread.php?p=175907#post175907

[Lord Anglekos]

Just so you know, there's a writer's workshop Judging option for things such as these. But, I'll help you out, seeing as you asked so nicely.

"The earth rumbled, as if the gods themselves were angry with the earth. Te mountains cracked, and a series of tunnels that were once previously sealed, were reopened. The cold frigid mountain air sucked into the once sealed tunnels, filling the vast catacombs, Filling it with fresh air."

1) You used "earth" twice in the first sentence. While not exactly a grammatical error, repeating the same word twice or more times in a sentence is generally a bad thing to do unless absolutely necessary.
2) In the second sentence, first word, you spelled "The" as "Te".
3) Second sentence; "...that were once previous sealed, were reopened". No need for a comma there.
4) "..., Filling it with fresh air". Un-capitalize filling.

"These tunnels acted as a funnel, feeding air into one large central chamber. Fresh air flushed in, creating a chaotic vortex. The noise, and fresh air, awoke Fenrir. The long slumbering deity of beasts finally awoke after countless years of sleep.
The wolf, growled snapping his head up. "No jolly I don't want Fish!" He roared angrily."

1) Try using other words for the air than "fresh".
2) I'm going to assume that "jolly" is a person. If so, capitalize the J, and un-capitalize the F in fish.

"The wolf rolled onto all fours and looked around. He was in a large chamber, with several tunnels funneling into it. The wolf licked his muzzle, and tried to recall what was going on. The thought eluded him, and caused him to snarl. He shook his body, chasing all traces of sleep from his joints. "where the hell is my ice castle?" the wolf growled."

1) Again, try using a term for your character other than "the wolf". It's overused in this paragraph.
2) Capitalize the W in 'where', and capitalize the T in 'the' right after that dialogue.

"He yawned, and sprinted forward, heading towards one of the tunnels. His grew fur flowing slightly in the breeze, his feral yellow eyes staring into the darkness. He had no clue where he was, or why he was here. But he was going to find out."

1) *Grey, instead of grew.

Those are the only grammatical mistakes I can see there, Fenrir. Happy to help you out.

[Fenrir]

Thanks La,
I made those edits.