Orlouge Training Lesson 5: Razak Orlouge

[Silence Sei]

"Razak, your lunch is ready dear," Armonia Orlouges sweet angelic voice rang downstairs to the basement. This is where Razak Orlouge, third eldest Orlouge brother, had lived for years. The man had made a life mooching off of his parents and others, a scam artist through and through, or at least everyone had assumed. There was no other explanation to why Razak always had money when he needed it, and yet still seemed like a sloppy pig.

What could he possibly have to teach Kyla Orlouge?

"Honey, did you hear me?" Armonia, mother of the six Orlouge brothers asked her son.

"Yeah mom, just a second, finishing up now!" The man had just completed putting the last card down to complete his 'Enchantment: The Coming Together' deck. It was his favorite card game. The purple haired Mystic adjusted his viking hat and looked at Kyla, his niece, from across the table. For the better half of an hour, the bearded, slightly overweight brother had ignored the girl. Now, it seemed he was finally going to pay her some attention.

"Okay, well me and your father are going out. Be safe dears," Armonia offered the two Mystics. The second the door was closed, Razak looked both ways, making sure nobody but Kyla was in the room. The man grabbed the foo man chu he had grown and yanked it off, revealing a debonair mustache, trimmed down to end at the corners of his lips. He followed suit by lifting his shirt up, the bodysuit falling to the ground to reveal a long sleeve buttoned up white shirt, with a gray matching coat over it. Taking off his viking helmet revealed a brown derby, and allowed his purple hair to fall neatly behind his ears, ending just before going into mullet territory.

Razak broke from taking off his disguise when he had heard a small, mouse like sneeze. Looking back, the man's eyes widened as he saw Kyla sitting there still, eyes widened in shock. Instantly, a dagger was made out of pure shadows and put to Kyla's neck.

"You're the only one in my family who knows about this. This gets out to no one or I will find you." His threat was genuine, he couldn't afford any (more) liabilities in his family. "Now that we agree to that, are you ready to learn?" Even Razak's form and dialogue changed to that of a more sophisticated man, only outshined in his tone by his little brother Ciato.

[Amber Eyes]

Kyla felt the blade tight at her throat and it was all she could do to force a small, 'uh huh' out. Razak immediatly began packing a bag and Kyla quickly forgot her fear and rushed to his side.

"So what is..."

"No."

"But I didn't even..."

"No."

"Can I just ask a..."

"No."

"You suck."

"And so do you."

"I didn't come here to..."

"Oh shut up will you! If you can't tell I'm a bit busy at the moment." The mystic lifted several weapons from beneath his mattress and held them up to prove his point.

"Sei said all you do is lounge around and get Grandma to give you money."

"And that is what he will think to his dying day, right?" Razak held up a machette.

"Yup." Kyla sat down on the bed. "But can I just ask one thing?"

"Fine, what do you want?"

"Who the hell are you?"

[Silence Sei]

"My name is Razak Orlouge, that much is true. It's also true that I'm the son of Armonia and Tinerad." Razak looked about once more as he continued pouring weapons into a duffel bag. "What nobody tells you about my mom is that she used to be a secret agent for the Mystic Agency of Defenses."

Kyla blinked at the revelation she had just been told. "So Armonia's a spy?" Kyla asked.

"Was," Razak replied, "Armonia -was- a spy. Best in her time. Her telekinesis proved valuable in a number of important missions to keep Chateau and Orlouge Drantrak safe from invaders. She retired to make a better life with Tinerad, and had us boys. The only ones in the family who know about her time are her, myself, and now you. But she won't ever know that either of us know. Right?"

Razak raised a billy club to make sure he still had Kyla's attention. With a heavy gulp, the girl nodded. "So, how did you find out? That your mom was a spy?"

"The Agency contacted all of her children when they came of age up to me. Your father, Niche, the reason he became a ninja was so he could stop any agents from continuing to hound him. Succed went to studying magic so thoroughly in order to make sure people would know if he went 'missing. The agency doesn't like being denied operatives. When it was my turn for the recruitment opportunity, I was still living with my parents."

"Like you do now?"

"Yes Kyla, like I do now. However, this was a chance for me to make a real living making a difference. And nobody would ever believe that Razak Orlouge was skilled and smart enough to pull off such a ploy," It was quite literally, Razak's ultimate and biggest scam.

"So...where do I fit in?"

"You're going out with me today on the mission. We're going to the former Dajas Pagoda in order to secure some files on certain Mystics the Agency doesn't want getting out. There are other people searching for these files, however, particularly, a group of bigots known as the Knights of Dawn. It's essentially going to be race to the files."

"And so the weapons?"

"In case they win the race," Razak said, lugging the giant duffel bag over his shoulder with ease before checking his room and going upstairs. "Come on, let’s grab lunch and head out."

[Amber Eyes]

Kyla took a bite of a creamy snack cake Armonia had placed on the table as they exited her father's childhoom home. The city of Orlouge Drantrak lay before them and as alway it took Kyla's breath away. She swallowed the chocolate cake and wished she had grabbed a drink to wash away the parts that stuck to the top of her mouth. "Hey, do you think I could..."

"Do you always ask so many questions?" Razak stared at his niece with a look of pure irritation, before climbing down a flight of steps a few feet away from the home.

Kyla thought about the question seriously for a moment before answering, "Well, no. But I'm not usually told that my deadbeat uncle is actually a spy following in the footsteps of my grandmother. Or that every member of my family has been asked to join a spy agency. Or that I'm about to race the Knights of the Dawn, who by the way are after me, to some files about mystics. It's all a bit confusing really, and all I really wanted was a glass of milk." The mystic girl had stopped walking as she spoke and Razak quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her around a corner. They were in some sort of underground tunnel and it took Kyla a moment to realize this was in fact part of Sei's tomb.

"The tomb connects to the mystic cities?" Kyla whispered, listening to her quiet voice echo through the cavern.

"Of course, the tomb connects everything Kyla."

"Does Sei know that?"

"Are you always so dense? Of course he knows, when are you going to start seeing that there is more than meets the eyes to everything around you?"

Razaak again left the mystic girl behind as she stood rooted to the spot.

"I'm not dense!" She shouted after him, "And I'm still thirsty!" Kyla had to dodge then as a bottle of something came flying at her head from up ahead. She bent low and picked up the bottle, realizing after a large gulp that it wasn't exactly water. "Thanks alot."

[Silence Sei]

The echoes of the now pretty desolate Tomb were a marvelous thing. It as difficult for Razak to sneak about Sei's temporary home for Ixian Knights while not sending off any warning signals in the head of a few of the IK's senior members. Now that they had mostly moved into Ixian Castle, however, Razak felt like a kid locked inside of a candy store. He casually strolled about, letting his shiny black shoes click against the rocky floor.

"All right Kyla, I suppose I should teach you a thing or two about your shadow magic. Other than me, Ciato is the only one in our family who took the shadow trials. Man, that shadow duel at the end is a drag, isn't it?" The forced tone of Razak seemed a bit awkward, or probably would to Kyla's ears. Why would it not be? She was really the first person ever to see him for who he truly was, and his true self was not the social creature his live-at-home persona was.

The two began to approach a door, Razak slowly opening it. Kyla started to walk forward, but she was pulled back by her Uncle. Razak shook his head and pointed to what he had merely caught a glimpse of. A few seconds later, several soldiers wearing the official crest for the Knights of Dawn were running down the hall, obviously in a hurry.

"If they would have seen you, it would have been over," the Mystic spy whispered to his relative. Razak smirked a bit as he looked to Kyla with an idea. He -was-supposed to be training her somehow after all. "Okay Kylana, I want you to start focusing on the shadows. Focus on becoming one with them, and taking me with you. I want you to try and shadow meld, a form of teleportation that shadow users can perform a lot easier than light users. With it, you'll be a power player in the arts of stealth and espionage. If it doesn't work, we'll find another way to beat the knights up, but let's see how we do for now, hm?"

[Amber Eyes]

"Focus on the shadow?" Kyla whispered her question more to herself than for the sake of her uncle. "Okay..."

The young mystic grabbed her uncle's hand and placed herself directly underneath a lamp, she focused on the shadow cast on the opposite wall and tried to focus on becoming one with it. She felt a tingling in her right arm and excitement filled her body. I'm actually doing it! She opened her eyes and realized that she had accomplished nothing other than her arm going to sleep from carrying the heavy bag. She handed the bag to Razak, "It makes it hard to focus." She glared at him once she saw the look of annoyance on his face. "I'm trying I promise."

"Kyla, the shadows are already inside of you. Stop worrying and just let it take over. That anklet can't keep you from melding. Just imagine yourself hidden inside of the shadow and the rest will happen." Razak squeezed Kyla's hand tightly and the young mystic envisioned the two of them dissipating.

A cold enveloped the girl, and let go of Razak for a moment to warm up her own arms. When she looked back to where he had been standing he was gone. Kyla looked around frantically, He wouldn't leave me would he? Kyla began to walk towards the end of the hallway where they had seen the knights when suddenly a hand covered her mouth and pulled her close to the wall.

[Silence Sei]

"Good job, kid," Razak whispered softly into her ear, "you're a natural shadow user." The expert in estranged espionage released his captive, causing the girl to turn around. Judging by the look in her eyes, Kyla Orlouge was not too pleased with being taken by surprised.

"YOU---" Kyla began to scream, but quickly changed her pitch once Razak brought a single finger up to his lips. "Jerk, I thought I left you back there in the Tomb!"

"Oh, that. I shadow melded before you took me, I didn't want to wind up with my head in a wall or something. While your own shadow meld can get you where you need to go, it's risky taking others along for the ride. Remember that."

Kyla blinked and nodded, and was quickly pulled back into the darkness of the shadows. The sounds of metal on metal could be heard in the distance. They were panicked, confused, they didn't know where they were going.

Razak smiled a bit at this new information, slowly sneaking his way into one of the doors that lead into the citadel. He then turned around and looked to Kyla. Sei had in passing mention Kyla delving into the files of combatants before to gather intel on new Ixian Knights members. Of course, Sei was speaking to the brother who would have normally had no use for such information, the 'lazy' Razak.

However, now Razak had a use for Kyla's previous knowledge of the building. It was an advantage he held over the Knights of Dawn. It all rested on Kyla's shoulders.

[Amber Eyes]

As they passed through the doors Kyla realized their location. The marble walls and stone floor could only belong to one place.

"We're in the..." Razak's hand quickly covered the mystic's mouth, cutting off her sentence. Kyla lowered her voice and smiled. "Sorry," She whispered, "I just got a bit excited. What are we doing here?"

"I told you, we have to get to the files before the other guys. Where are the records?"

Kyla's eyes lit up as she realized she now played an important part in the plan. "Third floor!" She again almost shouted.

"Shhhh." Razak rolled his eyes though a smile played upon his lips. "Didn't Sei say you were a spy or something? You are terrible at this."

"Shut up." Kyla led the way through the maze of hallways which led to the emergency stairwell. She was excited to once again roam the halls of the Citidel. When the duo reached a familiar passage Kyla took a left, and quickly reached the stairs. As the two headed up voices reached their ears.

"It’s the monks. Let's go back and shadow meld up." Razak's voice was calm and cool. Kyla quickly followed, a tiny pit of fear that she would be unable to perform the stunt again solidified itself in her stomach.

[Silence Sei]

Razak saw the hesitation in his niece’s eyes. He shook his head and planted his palm into his face. How would Kyla expect to get anywhere if she was always so cautious?

"Kylana, life is about not being sure where you're going and what you're doing. You should always go around the next corner not being one hundred percent sure what you're going to find. That doesn't mean check, but it does mean that you shouldn't take forever deciding whether or not you want to try something." Razak's speech was spoken all in hushed whispers to the girl, who seemed to take a heavy swallow of air and nod.

"Now let’s go," Razak said, closing his eyes. The shadow magic filled his body, causing goose bumps to rise from the chill of the particular magic. He began to feel the blackness move him into the darkness, and soon, he was rising up from the shadows into a small office. The room itself was nothing spectacular, aside from the fact that it was lined up with over a dozen filing cabinets. Razak smirked a little and rubbed his hands together, this was it, this was the place.

Kyla joined him a few seconds later, causing the Mystic's smile to widen. "See, it isn't all that bad when you take chances," Razak said.

Kyla nodded as the elder Mystic began to walk over to the filing cabinet, opening one of the drawers and thumbing through the files. As he did so, a door was opened and three people entered. All of them wore thick armor, and the symbol of a fist inside of a sun was clearly visible on all three of their chest plates. The Knights of the Dawn had arrived.

Razak looked over to Kyla, raising an eyebrow. "Are you going to need help, or can I keep combing these files?"

[Amber Eyes]

Razak's tone caused Kyla to become a little bit irritated. The girl formed her shadow sword in her hand, looking over at her uncle. This whole time, his 'training' had been little more than teaching her how to shadow step, followed by threats and talking down to her. As Kyla stepped forward, raising her weapon to her face, she pictured the face of her holier than thou uncle on the features of all three of her foes.

Kyla drew her blade behind her, growling a bit. It was time to prove to Razak that she was not a push over. She was going to show him that she could handle all three of these people by herself. She was going to...

"Wait a minute... screw this!" Kyla announced, pointing her finger at the Knights of Dawn. A blinding light appeared before the one in the middle, a blonde haired man using a crossbow. The sudden emergence of the light made the ranged weapon user temporarily lose his sight. Covering his eyes, the man had just enough time to watch as a swirling black mass intertwined with the light.

"Mystic Bomb." Kyla said plainly, and the colors seemed to obey her command. Mixing together, the two Mystic magics exploded, and luckily for Kyla and Razak, the warriors were grouped close enough together for the range of the spell to be of decent effect. The middle knight had been slung into the hallway, slamming his head on the wall and passing out. The one to the right of him, a jasper haired man, flew into a filing cabinet, which proceeded to fall upon him. The final redheaded warrior was thrown straight towards Razak, who had looked up just in time to duck, sending the man spiraling face first into the window behind the Mystic.

"Nice job," Razak said with a smile when he looked back to his niece. Kyla turned and nodded her head, beads of sweat dripping down her face. While the Mystic Bomb's gambit had paid off, the spell always left Kyla drained and thirsty.

"Chocolate milk..." Was all the girl could get out before she lost consciousness, falling into the arms of her uncle. Razak grinned as he held up the files he was looking for, and lifted Kyla's limp body onto his back.

"It's time to go home..." the spy grinned as the shadows enveloped him and his relative, sending them back to the house.

[Silence Sei]

"Razak, honey, we're home;” Armonia Orlouge's sweet voice filled the ears of the Mystic. Several soft steps down the wooden stairs to the basement soon followed the words. The mother would come down to find Razak where she had left him, shuffling his deck of cards and attempting to strategize a way to have the best deck.

"Was lunch okay, dear?"

"It was fine, mom,” Razak said, biting his lower lip as he shifted one card in place of another. He looked up to meet the blue gaze of the matriarch Orlouge. Armonia replied by looking back and forth in the room. She could have sworn that she had left Kyla here with her relative.

Razak replied in kind, pointing to his bed where Kyla was sleeping like a baby. Razak had made the girl chocolate milk, and placed it on his dossier. In a sleepy haze every now and then, the girl would complain about the temperature of the room, take a drink of the milk, and go back to sleep. Armonia smiled as she looked at her grand daughter in such a peaceful state.

"Aww, the day wore her out,” Armonia spoke, climbing back up the stairs and calling for her husband. "Tinerad, you've got to see this little angel down here!"

Once Armonia had left, Razak pushed the files with her and Tinerad’s name on them further into the couch. If the Knights of Dawn had known about the abilities of the Orlouge parents, they would have been able to determine the weaknesses of possibly to two strongest warriors the family had. Razak could not allow such a thing to happen.

The Mystic stood, walking over to Kyla and pulling the white comforter of his bed over her form. He could not have accomplished this mission without her. While there was not anything else he could teach her while back in 'slacker mode', as it were, he knew that she had learned a great deal.

After all, she had been the only one to ever learn his secret, and with the way she worked out there today, he would not have trusted anyone better with it.

[Breaker]

Mood: Wistful
Music: Animal Behaviour by Hawksley Workman

It was nice to finally get a thread which I could easily read in one sitting. I'm going to include some commentary because, in this case I feel like my time is wasted if I don't, but condensed rubric as requested.

Story: 13/30

I was interested in getting some insight to the mysitcious Orlouge family, but that's about the only thing about this story that grabbed me. Elements of storyline, while present, were unrefined and lacked subtlety. The setting had some solid moments, but overall it never came to life or impressed me. This earned you average scores in those areas. The lower score comes from continuity, because despite references made to Althanas-type things (I didn't recognise most of them, and they weren't well explained, so I really have no way of knowing) there wasn't an obvious effort to situate the reader on Althanas. It seems like you're bored with the world and you're phoning in setting, and that is no way to go.

Character: 15/30

Ed, the kind of character work I normally see from you with Sei did not exist here. Obviously NPCs are not as familiar as our main characters, but I've seen you do way better than this with single-post cameo NPCs. Jess, I felt like you pushed for character development, but didn't get very far. The back and forth dialogue-driven nature of this thread really diminished any great character moments you could have had. I have some simple advice to remedy this in the future: pick one type of thread, and stick to it. This was obviously a very short, very quick to write play-by-post type thread designed to train Jess' character. Fair enough. But the way you attempted to couple that with the overarching plot simply didn't work, because there wasn't enough effort - content - to support both that kind of story and character development. If you only want to write a couple thousand words for a story, it must contain less subject matter and focus more on having a compelling storyline and realistic characters. Think of your own example used somewhere on the rubric Ed - a thread about a picnic can be awesome, depending on the picnic. In the same way you could have made this a much better story by setting your sights a little closer to your effort level.

Writing Style: 19/30
Even though the premise was poorly designed, some solid writing shone through. I tossed you an extra point for improving from your last thread (ed), for the proper use of allusion with that game deck. It lacked subtlety, but it was properly designed and made me smile.
Jess, I'll absolutely blunt. If you want to improve as a writer you need to shoot for some higher goals. Think of life-altering or hair-raising situations your character might find herself in, take that as your climax, and build the rest of the story around it. Push her outside of her comfort zone - make things go wrong so she has to fix them. If you have a full storyline in place when you start writing, you'll have more brainpower left over for things like snappy dialogue and literary devices.

Wildcard: 5
It makes me sad to say this, but these days when I can get through a thread without facepalming it merits an extra point in wildcard.

Total: 52/100

Silence Sei gains 1237 EXP and 200 GP
Amber Eyes gains 734 EXP and 100 GP

As you guys know, judges don't grant abilities as spoils nowadays. But I imagine I'm going to be seeing that ability very soon in the RoG. Cheers.

[Silence Sei]

EXP-GP distributed for this months ago.