In a Dark Place

[Fayne]

It wasn't far till dawn, and nearly the whole of the city was long asleep.
Fayne didn't know where she was headed. Ever since leaving her clan behind, she chose a random direction to travel and went with it.

Now finding herself fresh off the boat she stowed away on, in a city she didn't know, Fayne wanders the dead, silent streets of Radasanth. Occasionally she caught the flicker of a guards torch down an alleyway or corner and she took comfort in the fact there were few to be seen at the late time of day.

She felt the eyes of rogues upon her as she went. Whether it was all in her head, of if they really were leering at her from the shadows she did not know. Either way she walked unafraid, keeping her hand off the hilt of her short, yet deadly blade. Fayne knew they wouldn't stand a chance. She knew no one did, so sure she was of her abilities.

The very thought of cowards skulking in the dark hoping to find a lone, vulnerable looking woman drew an angry spark in her mind. Walking the streets for a mere twenty minutes, she decided she hated Radasanth, and longed someplace without endless streets and buildings. She also longed for blood..

Despite the hour, the Jolly Lemur tavern was still open for business. The portly barkeeper, complete with un-kept beard and messy knot that he called hair stared wearily at the door. The bar was a popular place for seafarers, so a few sailors and unsavory individuals remained passed out at the tables.

Having followed the inviting light of the establishment, Fayne pushes through the doors, keeping her still gaze focused upon the front.
The barkeeper took a few moments to figure out that someone was there, eyes widening in surprise when he finally saw her. She approached the counter and his expression quickly turned lewd.
"Welcome, welcome lass!" he says as though barely believing he was saying those words. He snorts an unpleasant laugh behind his throat. "What a delightful rose you be. .might I interest ye in a-"
A quick silver flash cut his words short. His gargled screams were left unheard of by the passed out patrons and he thuds onto the dirty floor, having no time to grab hold of his scarlet throat.

Curling her lip in contempt, she flicks the thick blood off her blade in disgust before hopping onto the counter to help herself to a bottle.

"..."

She never had much to drink before, but her foul mood more than welcomed one. Taking a seat at a corner table, she stretches her legs out on another chair, thinking she dirtied her sandals enough on the filthy floor. Sipping the unmarked wine, she gazes without care past the nearest window, wondering if she would be left to skulk in peace or be disturbed. Fayne already knew which of the two she looked forward best.

[Jack Frost]

Jack limped/walked out of the citadel, his day had consisted of nothing but fights. While the healers of the citadel were good, Jack was till sore. He found himself in need of a drink, and possibly some sinister company. He strode down the street, his teal eyes scanning the various bars. They all had silly names, the drunken pup, the angry camel. He began to write a rule for bar names. It seemed they took a random adjective and put and animal name beside it. It appeared all of the bars in Radasanth followed this rule.

Most were ferociously loud, and Jack would rather not deal with such noise. But at the end of the street he found a surprising quiet bar named the Jolly Lemur, and for a moment he thought it was closed. The open sign on the door convinced him other wise. He grabbed the nob and twisted it open. The scene he found himself in was a strange surprise. At first it seemed the bartender had passed out, but his throat was slit. Jacks teal eyes quickly shot up to find a strange woman on the counter. He could see other revelers also passed out, but they were not lying in a pool of their own blood.

"Well hello M'dear" Jack said turning on his unusual levels of charm. Master Lorenor would love to meet this woman.

[Fayne]

Fayne nearly hurled her drink against the wall when the door would open, not having seen anyone approach from her view of the window.

Remaining seated on the table, she puts down the barely drank bottle of wine. Her fingers curl in out the hilt of her sword, smoothing them along the handle as though toying with the idea of drawing it again. Her other hand was leaned back to support her lounging pose, not looking intimidated at the least by Jack.

If she was surprised to see a slender, silver haired man that was dressed in fine roguish clothing she didn’t show it. But she was surprised. He had a cold, piercing gaze she never saw before and eyes that bore into her soft upturned orbs. Their eyes may have been the same color, but that’s where the similarities would end.

She also felt the air turn cold, uncomfortably so. Narrowing her eyes, Fayne recognized Jack as a special rogue, one with powers. She wasn’t about to test him, even if he looked weary from some long journey.

“What do you want from me?” She asks without any feeling in her voice, despising the way he addressed her. She wanted to inch back further down the table, bearing the hint of a slight shiver when his cold aura drew near.

[Jack Frost]

The violet hair seemed rather calm despite his sudden appearance. He saw her fingers toy with the hilt of her blade, and the thought of this encounter coming to clashing steel made him frown. "Relax, it seems you and I are cut from similar cloth." He said glancing around. He exhaled a plume of fog from his breath and shut the door behind him. He quickly unsheathed his blade and tossed it on an unoccupied table.

"I simply came to unwind after a long day of fights at the citadel." He said hopping over the bar counter. He glanced over the selection of drinks until he decided on a light elvish wine made of various roots and berries of the forest round Underwood. He poured himself a glass and sipped it. The sweet taste reminded him of home, it made him sick to recall such unpleasant memories. But home still called to him for some reason.

He paused to look at the young violet haired woman. She wore a light, tight fitting leather shirt and skirt. Her eyes were teal like his, but hers gave her a feel of innocence. Jacks made him seem more sinister. "Now then, might I ask your name?" He asked curiously. Things had gone differently than expected. Perhaps he would make a new ally. Lorenor would be pleased with him.

[Fayne]

The corners of Fayne’s eyes bristle angrily at his statement, her head tilting down to return a stare. The danger in her expression was more than evident, the sparkling innocence within somehow making it more so.

“You don’t know me.” she says, not trusting him despite the fact he would disarm himself. She knew better, having been taught that rogues always had concealed weapons to better deceive their prey.

Letting him hop the counter, she felt curious about the mention of a citadel, deciding she would investigate it later.

Eyes never leaving Jack, she answers him. “You can have my name. I want yours first.“ Pausing after the words trail from her lips, she continued, gesturing her shoulder to the bartender she just killed. “You’ve seen my cut.” If he was following the movement of her eyes, he would see their gaze rest on one of the passed out sailors. “Now show me yours.”

She hoped he understood.

[Jack Frost]

Jacks eyes hit the sailor, a wicked grin crossed his face. "Ah, well I don't cut necessarily..." He said setting his drink down on the bar. He leaped over it with a fluid motion and chuckled. He could feel the darker side of him begin to stir. He focused and soon he was able to see all of the water droplets in the air. In a fluid motion he called them to form ten ice spike, one for each drunken sailor. He would not just kill one, he wold kill them all. They were scum after all.

He snapped his fingers and the spikes soared to connect with the throats of his victims. A scarlet gush coming from each impact. Their screams fell silent as they died. "My name is Jack Frost, whats yours?" He asked returning to his drink. He had stood a sufficient distance away from his victims, and avoided getting any blood on him or his boots.

[Fayne]

“My name in Fayne.” she finally tells him as though he had done nothing to impress her. Closing her eyes to take a long drink, she sets half the bottle aside as though having lost interest in it.
“Your cut is unusual. It did more than I asked of it. A good cut is hushed and precise.” she said nodding, as Jack’s magic was silent, but his victims seemed to struggle longer and yell just a little more than the prey she had taken. As little a difference to the result there was, she looked as though believing it was huge.

“You should have focused on one like I asked you to. I wanted the others for myself.” she says, well aware she didn’t specifically say that but would slide herself off her perch to approach the window.

If someone happened to pass by on the street, having heard that unsettling sound just a moment ago or even having caught a glimpse, she knew the torches of guards would soon be seen. For now she decides to foolishly assure herself that Jack’s victims didn’t cry out loudly enough for an unlikely passer-by to notice and puts her hand on the window, wondering how thick the glass was.

“So tell me about yourself, Jack Frost.” she says, trying to sound sociable however bored and disinterested her voice sounded at that moment.

[Jack Frost]

Jack smiled and hopped over the bar, retrieving his drink. He sipped it and glanced around. His kills had been slightly noisier, not much, but enough to possibly attract attention. "Pleasure to meet you Fayne." He said and downed his drink. It was sweet, and he rather enjoyed it. he poured himself another glass and turned to his brooding company.

"Well, I'm a mercenary working for a man named Lorenor. The work is decent and the pay is great, plus it lets me indulge in my darker habits." He said exhaling a cloud of fog. He took another sip of his drink, memories of his assignment still in his head. Get a few battles ins, improve his skills.

The bar around him was silent except for the breathing of his companion. It was dark outside the bar, and no one appeared to be stirring in this area of Radasanth. He doubted they would be disturbed, and the two could probably deal with a few guards if needed.

[Fayne]

Fayne listens to Jack, running a finger down the fogged glass. The bar was starting to become a freezer for the dead, as his cold aura noticeably affected the temperature of the room. Having gone through much colder experiences in her life, with little warmth to speak of, she doesn’t show discomfort.

“Where does he send you?” she asks quietly, some of her breath visible in the somewhat cool bar. She wonders what kind of people Jack fought, turning to face him again. She seldom changed her expression, and though it still looked the same, there was an expectancy to it as though demanding to know where she fit into the mans words.

[Jack Frost]

"All over, I just recently joined." Jack said shrugging. "I helped him raid a town, he needed something from some vault in it. After that he sent me off to train. He needed me to become stronger. So I came here, where I heard rumor of an arena that resurrected you if you died. Its an incredible place." Jack said sipping his drink afterwords.

"Its a good job, where many like minded people gather in an alliance. A true force to be reckoned with in the Underworld of Althanas. We are just starting off and we've already sacked two towns and a farm. Lord Lorenors power raises the freshly slain and commands them to turn on their bretherin. Soon we shall have an army suitable to wage war on all who stand in our way. When that happens I will be there at my masters side to claim the glory entitled to me. Not only that, but it gives me a new sense of who I am."

Jack downed his drink. His pulse began to quicken, his lips formed a mad grin. "I also enjoy the fact that morals don't apply in his group. As long as you don't harm other important members or do anything to set back his plans he's perfectly okay with most things you do. I myself am a big fan of all the fighting I get to do."

[Fayne]

Fayne's expression threatened to turn colder than Jack’s aura.
“So your someone else's dog then.” she’d state bluntly, as she despised the notion of following any kind of order. “That’s who you are. That’s who you will remain.” She already knew she would hate Lorenor if she ever met him, despising the idea of raising people into undeath. If she killed someone, she wanted them to stay that way.

Walking up to the table where Jack had thrown his sword, Fayne picks it up in her hands, her fingers sliding across the cool blade. “I wander alone.” she said, delicately touching the swords tip before putting it back.
“If you want my help, I might let you have it. Your masters compensation or his glory do not interest me. I just want to leave this city..” she said quietly, hoping Jack knew something about the world outside Radasanth.

[Jack Frost]

Jack smiled, "I am no dog, I chose to work with this man because it benefits my purpose the moment. The moment it loses it usefulness I'll just leave." He walked beside her, grabbing his sword. He sheathed it in on well practiced, fluid movement. "Well if you wish to leave this place you can join me, work with me and my master, perhaps get something out of it for yourself. While we do so you can figure out where to go, and if it happens that Lorenor has stopped being useful, I might accompany you when the time comes."

He locked eyes with her for a moment, something most people hated doing with Jack. Typically one who looked directly into his eyes would suffer from brain freeze, but Jacks eyes were different this time. He had found someone interesting. He was not going to let the possibility of a companion slip through his fingers. Especially if it possibly meant going out on a limb. Fates strings were pulling on him wildly, and he had a sudden idea of where he was going, and it was currently going in the direction of this woman.

[Fayne]

Fayne gave an uncaring shrug. She tended to find agreement in his statement though, as she was also the kind who stayed around only until her specific goal was met.
“If that’s what you want.” She shuddered as he walked close, closing one of her palms tightly to better resist shivering. The days were turning cold and Jack with his aura wasn’t helping. There was only so much freezing she could take, the voyage to Radasanth being a particularly miserable experience.


Having noticed Jack was watching her, she returns the look, her orbs narrowing slightly. He would find no warmth and no feeling underneath the soft surface of her eyes. He would find only the subtle flecks of scorn, as Fayne wasn’t sure how long she would be able to last with the rogue and his silver necklace..
“If we are leaving, lets go.” she said, not finding the frigid bar tolerable much longer. She walks away from Jack towards the door and clutches the hilt of her blade. She motions with her shoulder for him to go first.

[Jack Frost]

Jack nodded and started out the bar, "I would rather enjoy the company." he said stopping dead in his tracks. Several torches were approaching from down the street. Someone must have heard something, or seen it through the window without he of Fayne knowing. He growled and placed a hand on the hilt of his blade, exhaling a puff of smoke calmly. He would have no problem fighting the guards, but the battle would need to be quick to avoid having to fight ever guard in Radasanth, and also so he wouldn't attract unwanted attention. Especially from one silent hero who had a tendency to read minds.

Three guards stormed up to him blades drawn. "You there, halt!" said a seasoned looking guard with graying hair and a bushy beard. "Problem sirs?" Jack asked coldly. "Cut the crap!" the youngest looking guard growled. He looked no older than Jack, and judging by the way he held his blade, fresh out of training. The other guard chose to remain silent, glaring at Jack and Fayne with his solemn brown eyes.

"Whatever could you mean?" Jack asked innocently. He was going to stall, see if any others showed up before he started a fight. That way he wouldn't get ambushed by more guards once he had already devoted to a fight. "Someone heard a suspicious noise, thought it was comin from this bar, we know you're up to sometin." The younger guard said trying to sound confident.

It was obvious by his pale face and shivering that he was either incredibly afraid of Jack, or just cold due to his icy aura. In fact, all three were shivering. It was a wonderful ego stroke for Jack. He was intimidating. He turned to Fayne and thought of a quick excuse.

"Me and my wife here are from Akashima, we got married recently and came to Radasanth to tell our extended family the good news. But on our way out we stopped at this bar to have a few drinks. The other patrons were thoroughly drunk, and causing a problem. The bartender tried to throw them out, but one slit his throat. The others freaked out and started to drink more, seeing as they had just witnessed murder. My wife and I avoided attracting attention to ourselves but one tried to harass us. Soon all of the drunks in the bar were starting trouble, I had no choice but to put them in their place." Jack said, the lie easily rolling off his tongue as if it were one he had thought long and hard about.

[Fayne]

She followed Jack out the door, stopping as well when the three Corone regulars approached. Stepping away from the light of their torches, Fayne allowed herself to lick her lower lip, tightening the grip on her blade recognizing the group as louts she would enjoy killing, longing to meet actual prey that would sate her bloodlust. She blinked though and lowers her hand seeing Jack stalling them in a way that made her chest rise and fall heavily, her fingers tightening and biting through the palm of her gloves. Fayne tilted her head down to better hide her eyes as they simmered with hot rage.

“I left something.” she said while Jack was in the middle of explaining, casually sliding herself back through the door before anyone could say anything to stop her.

Just as Jack finished his clever lie, a corpse smashed through the nearby window and onto a guards boot. The horrified expression of a sailor and his mutilated throat greeted them all among the torchlight and shattered glass.

[Jack Frost]

"Very well, I guess we'll send someone t collect the body in the morning, good ni-" The old guard was interrupted by the smashing of glass, and a corpse plopping onto his foot. The guards face went to shock, and then disgust. Jack sighed and slapped his forehead with his palm. "You've got to be kidding me!" He swore angrily. He drew his blade and lopped the head of the brown eyed the guard off while they were all caught off guard. The other two yelped and leaped backwards to gain some distance from Jack. "Sick moster!" The young guard shouted angrily.

Jack grinned sadistically. "Well played love," Jack said shooting his fake wife a smile. He growled and turned to the guards and adopted a fighting stance. After killing these three he would take Fayne and make a run for the south entrance, which was the closest. On the way he would see to getting his companion a coat. He did have that effect on people, and it would help break the ice further.

After all, it was winter, and people were still putting clothes out to hang dry. He was sure he would be able to find a good jacket for her. Perhaps a stylish one, but practical.

[Fayne]

Fayne caught the view of a guards head flying off through the shattered glass as she knelt in the darkness, her short bow already drawn and notched. She approved and pulled the bowstring back, letting the arrow fly out of the broken window and into the younger guards chest, another arrow following in quick succession.

They both struck and the novice Corone warrior broke composure and stumbled back into a surprised cry which ended up being gargled by blood. He would be more than easy prey for Jack now and she draws another arrow for the veteran, unsure of whether she would be able to hit from the window now as they would likely move out its field of vision.

[Jack Frost]

Jack took full advantage of Faynes arrows and rammed his sword down the youngguards throat, a crimson spray shot from the wound Jack left the blade in the now dead mans throat, and exhaled a cloud of fog. He reached into it and grabbed six needles of ice, throwing them at the elderly guard. The hit the man in the arm, and he groaned.

He and Jack made eye contact and a wordless agreement was made. Jack stepped between Fayne's field of vision of the older guard. The guard ran and Jack didn't give chase. Instead he removed his blade from the young guards throat, and removed a handkerchief from one of the pockets in his jacket. He weiped dwn his blade, and excess blood from his jacket.

He motioned southward, "Lets go," he said quietly.

[Fayne]

Fayne hops out the broken window looking around frantically, arrow still drawn tight. She narrows her eyes seeing the guard Jack allowed to escape slowly disappear into the night. She growls angrily, firing an arrow and another into the shadows where they skidded harmlessly against stone. Fayne draws another aimed at Jack, her eyes big and her lips marked with a frown .

“…”

She lowers the bow after an angry shudder, not seeing the point and looks to the south where he was gesturing to.
“Lead.”

[Jack Frost]

Jack frowned, and walked on leading the woman. "He has a daughter, and a son. Both of which have three kids. Today is his only grandsons fifth birthday. " Jack said, completed bullshitting his excuse. He had never seen the man before, but he seemed like the gradfathery type. "And he let me off when he caught me pickpocketing someone here once," Jack said lying again.

"I felt like I owed him," Jack continued. He passed a house with a clothesline up. He scanned it and found a light but warm coat that was Fayne's size. "Here." He said plucking it off the line and tossing it to her. "Its cold, I don't want you getting sick." Jack said plainly. Soon they were at the south gate, and it looked as if the guards were off duty.

It had been a long time since they had left the bar, and no more guards had shown up. Jack was suspicious. Then he heard laughter at the guard tower. he turned to see the older guard chatting up the guards on duty. He saw the man wink at him, and continued to talk with them. The message was clear. You helped me, I'll help you. Jack didn't bother to point it out to Fayne. instead he chose to motion towards the gate. "You ready?"

[Fayne]

Fayne stared hard at him as he spoke, still wearing her unaffected frown. When he finished and began to move, she says nothing and follows, head tilted slightly to hide the brooding eyes underneath her hair.
When Jack offered her the coat, she kept her hidden expression and simply accepted it as though it meant nothing to her. Inside she felt thankful for it, as it was dark and sleek and helped warm her chilled body. Fayne hated the idea of wearing another layer of clothing that would add weight but after half a year of wandering alone, she knew she would have to face a winter eventually. That aside, the weight wasn't significant for a coat and barely noticable.

Continuing to look withdrawn, she hurries behind Jack to the gate.
“I am.” she replies to him before asking quietly.
“Where are you meaning to go.”

[Jack Frost]

Jack smiled and thought about his answer to her question. "We could go straight to my bosses base, or we could take the scenic route?" He said smiling. He was excited to have a traveling companion, plus Lorenor would be pleased to have another sword arm. "The final destination is Raiaera. The path is up to our whims." He continued. He moved out through the gate and into the countryside.

He looked back at the town and smiled. One era of his destiny was over. Another was beginning. He now had a relatively attractive traveling companion, a job, and a purpose. Life was good, really good. He assumed it was only to get better.

[Fayne]

Fayne looks at Jack, lifting the hair out of her eyes when he answered. She raises a brow. “I do not want to see your boss.” she says. “You see him. I walk with you only to swing my blade until I find a place to enjoy. Where is Raiaera and how far is it?”

She paused for a moment, looking annoyed off to the side. “Will that place be cold as well..” she muttered, as though it was only half a question. It was winter so she figured it would be cold everywhere. Even though the cold never bothered her much before, Jack seemed to change that and Fayne already longed to bask somewhere warm, but decided that would be a long time. She was happy however to be out of Radasanth and hoped to never return. For now she would have to put up with her new frigid friend. How long he would be that, she couldn’t be certain.



Spoils:
Swordfighter's night coat: A long sleek coat with a stylish collar made to blend in with the night. It gives the body some protection against scratches and small cuts. Being very light and flexible, its perfect for any activity requiring acrobatics and swift movement while helping the wearer keep a little warm.

[Jack Frost]

Jack smiled and thought for a moment. "well we could go to Jadet, take a ship to somewhere warm for the winter." Jack said rubbing his hands together as if to generate heat. "Alerar has light winters south of the mountains. We could winter there until spring, then head for Raiaera." Jack said smiling.

"Either way lets go, forward, never looking back." Jack said smiling. It was time to call this chapter of his adventure over....


Spoils:
Uneasy trust: Jack has developed an uneasy trust with Fayne, and receives a small bonus to attack and defense when fighting alongside her.

[Silence Sei]

Okay, first let me apologize for taking so long on this. I promise the judging staff will be back to getting threads done in a timely manner soon.

Secondly, it should be of note that anything that applies to fayne, applies to Jack, and vice versca, unless otherwise specified. I just didn’t feel the need to write ‘ditto’ when almost exactly the same errors were in each of your posts.

Now, onto the judging.

Story: 2/10 The actual present time of the story was very point to point.

‘I killed these guys, now I killed these guys, hey there’s guards, lets kill them, we got away’.

That pretty much sums this thread up. I’d like to see more of a story behind it, show us that somebody had seen Fayne/Jakcs kills, tell us about the feelings each character had when they made the kills, stuff like that. Sorry if this was a little short, but I figured my continuity explanation would help make up for it.

Continuity: 4/10 As a new character, Fayne gave us a slight outlook into her characters first true adventure, but Jack pretty much just left the citadel, and he reflected on Lorenor a little bit. There was really nothing here to help. I would suggest each of you reflect more on your characters. Does the cold make Fayne home sick for the warm climates? Did bars feel more at home to Jack with their darker clientele? Reflection is a good thing in most stories, Continuity is supposed to tell us where your characters have been, and how they relate to the Althanas canon. You mentioned Lorenors rampaging of villages, and even a trip to Raiaera, even the small town of Jadet, so that helped a little bit here too. It would just be nice to know how places like those effect your characters more.

Setting: 2/10 The setting was pretty bland. Yes, you were in a bar, and there was an established bartender and bar patrons, but not much after that. Remember to use your senses to the best of your ability. When Jack took a drink, was it warm going down his throat, due to his cold aura? When Fayne took a drink, did Jack make it colder on her tongue, forming a kind of slush in the liquid. Did the bar have a coppery smell of blood to it with all the bodies strewn about? Relating the reader with sense will give us an insight into the characters

So far: 8/30

Creativity: 4/10 This thread had some typical elements to it, with a twist granted the nature of your characters. The ice spikes were a nice touch to the deaths, and the window crashing through the window when Fayne had ‘forgot something’ made me laugh. I would suggest finding innovative ways to use your powers in future threads. Example, Jack instead of shooting ice spikes at people, shoots them at nearby alcohol bottles, shattering the glass and sending shards into peoples eyes. Fayne takes advantage by stealth killing the now blinded fools. Just some food for thought.

Character: 5/10 You both stayed true to your characters, though Jacks ‘Lorenor is great’ followed by ‘I’ll leave him when I feel like it’ kind of threw me for a loop. With the way the man was trying to up-sell his boss to Fayne, I was thinking he’d be a little more loyal, ya know. Not a flunkie by any means, but at least enough to go ‘He’s not all ‘you have to do this now’!’ Just remember to stay true to who your character is (I’d like to see Jack explore the manipulation bit he was pulling more) and you’ll be fine. But also, keep in mind not all NPCs are going to instantly die from blows given by characters. They’re not all useless weaklings, especially if they’re in an Althanas bar. Next time, allow one of them to put up a slight fight.

Interaction: 5/10 You both did a good jobs interacting with NPCs, each other, and the guards. I would suggest a bit more dialogue to reflect personality traits of other people. Also, I would have like to seen more interaction with the inanimate at the bar. You were taking drinks, and that was good, but Fayne could have rasped her fingers on the table while Jack talked, reflecting on how hard the wood was. Little stuff like that can go a long way in this category.

So far: 22/60

Strategy: 3/10 I liked the thread, but it would not keep me interested on a normal day. Jack and Fayne dispatched the bar flys and the guards too easily, though the manipulating of Jack helped give you two a better score here. Try to keep the action flowing through your talking. A drinking contest while speaking about Lorenor, playing darts using ice needles on one of the corpses, stuff like that can really keep a read enthralled, and I would highly suggest that with what your characters are capable of doing together, you do it.

Mechanics: 0/10. I’m sorry, I really do hate scoring 0s, I really do. However, between the constant shifting from past to present tense, the use of words like ‘wasn’t’ and ‘can’t’ rather than ‘can not’ and ‘was not’, and the massive amount of spelling and grammar errors, I can’t in good conscience give this thread any higher. A I HIGHLY suggest running your posts through a spell checked before posting, and then re-reading the post to see if it makes sense when you read it out loud. Many of the mistakes the two of you made here could have been easily caught by just those two steps.

Clarity: 1/10 Unfortunately, the mechanics score spilled over into here, making the thread almost completely unreadable. I don’t think a lot of people would have stayed on board with this thing after reading the first few posts. Try not jumping into different tenses, but pick one and stay with it (I suggest using just past tense).

Example: ‘Fayne ran to the door, she then opened the door.’

That’s an example of sticking with a tense, here’s what you both did several times

Example: Fayne runs and opened the door.

See how it went from present to past tense? Lets try to avoid that, and your score will jump in points for Clarity in no time.

So Far: 26/90

Wildcard: 2/10: Point: I liked this thread
Counter Point: Jack used abilities he didn’t have in his profile. Thus, he powergamed.

While I understand being bale to kill people with ice needles is epic, and makes your character bad ass, remind yourself of their limitations. I doubt Jack has the accuracy to target kill spots on every person in that bar, somebody should have survived it. All in all, stuff like that really hurt the thread.

Total Score: 28/100

Jack Frost gets spoil approved pending speicifcs and RoG approval, as well as 450 Exp and 20 GP

Fayne gets spoil approved, but any cut with a blade can slash through the jacket (scratch resistant is fine though) 350 exp and 20 GP.

[Silence Sei]

Added.