On the Road

[Jack Frost]

Three nights ago Jack had met a woman named Fayne. Three nights ago the tow of them killed a crowd of passed out sailors. Three days ago they ran from the guards of Radasanth and fled the city together. They had now started on their way to Jadet, to spend their winter in Alerar.

Fayne had been a welcome to change. She was strangely attractive, in a deadly sort of way. Her hair was a dark violet, which he found interesting. Her eyes were teal, like his. Her body was acrobatic, and she was about average height. Every now and then a thought would play across Jacks mind that begged for trouble.

He pushed said incriminating thought away for the fifth time that hour as he continued to walk. His hands were buried in his coat pockets, not out of being cold, simply so he had somewhere to put them. His hair was silver, and slightly spiky. His clothes were meant for winter. Faynes however, were not. He had given her a jacket meant to warm her up a bit, but the clothes underneath were incredibly...thin.

The poor woman was wearing sandals for thaynes sake. She would have to suffer one more day, then they would reach Underwood. Once there he would work at finding her some warmer clothes, not that he didn't appreciate her style. It was just impractical.

[Fayne]

Three days after leaving Radasanth, Fayne was walking an incredibly dull and boring road with Jack that seemed to stretch forever. After the first half of the first day, she kept a good distance from Jack when she walked to better avoid his frosty aura.

It wasn't an easy road, and her hand always went to the hilt of her blade when she started to feel sore and tired, or if the cold was starting to bite too deep into her skin. The sword was her mental strength, her one eternal companion. It sometimes flared with a small spark power when she touched it, but as insignificant as the power was, it encouraged her to go on. She even felt encouragement to kill Jack, but she knew that time had not come yet, aware she would need him and that there would be no one else to guide her way in a land she knew nothing of.

On the outside, she looked completely at ease as she walked the chilled paths, as though she wasn’t really there.
She never spoke to Jack, only sometimes saying something in a dulled, uninterested tone when he spoke to her. But this time, Fayne approached him with a long sidelong glance.
“How much farther till we leave these fields?” she asked in her usual silent pitch, the subtle undertones of irritableness creeping into her voice. She hated this place and the landscape barely ever changed. Only vast fields of grass and mountains far in the distance greeted her eyes every time she looked. The fact there weren’t even any travellers coming upon their path annoyed her further, as the bartender she cut across the throat three days ago didn’t satisfy her much.

[Jack Frost]

Jack looked up from the road to gauge the answer to her question. They had been on the road for three days, and the smallest signs of change were starting to appear. The fields were slightly overgrown. the farm houses were further and further apart. He was even starting to see a few tress. The forest would creep up on them. One moment they would be in empty fields, the next they would find themselves in the forest of Underwood.

At this rate they would be in the town of Underwood in about four hours. "We have about a fourth of the day left until we reach the nearest town." Jack replied in a bored tone. He would enjoy when the summer came along, when it would be hot, and Fayne would find a new joy in being near Jack.

He continued to put one foot ahead of the other, keeping his pace up. "So..." Jack began awkwardly. "tell me about yourself." He asked in a slightly interested voice. If he kept this up he might get a life story, and that would drag on forever, probably last them until they made it to the next town.

[Fayne]

Hearing it wouldn’t be much longer till they found a town, Fayne closed her eyes and gave a simple nod. She was about to sink away from Jack as she had before but stopped, keeping her pace when he asked the question.

“There is nothing to say.” she replied. Jack talked far too much for her liking, even if it was occasional.
“My past, is my own.” she would never tell anyone of where she came from. Fayne didn’t see the need having left that part of her life behind.
“You concern yourself too much over me.”

She looks back in front of her, staying close to Jack if he had anything else to say.

[Jack Frost]

Jack frowned, keeping pace with her. "I was curious, you see the next town is my home town." Jack said frowning. He picked his pace up slightly, and again hos thoughts drifted to a word on his mind. Winter. Although it was a season, he felt it was a name. The name felt right in his mind. Incredibly right. Perfect. He turned to Fayne and smiled.

"I feel the need to talk due to the fact that we're traveling together. I might as well make sure you're okay, and learn a little about you." Jack asked. Had he been able to blush he would have. He had no clue why. The name winter continued to ring through his head as they walked.

He saw a thicket of trees coming up. He saw the beginning of the forest start to appear. It would be interesting. He would enjoy showing her his hometown. He would also get her warmer clothes. Plus they would end up rooming together. The thought gave Jack a strange sense of satisfaction. It was if the normal cold hearted man was beung replaced by someone..sensitive. The thought was revolting. He forced it to the back of his mind and placed a mask of calmness over his face to avoid tipping her off.

[Fayne]

Though it was his hometown they were travelling to, Fayne made no sign that it mattered to her, instead keeping half her gaze on Jack.

“If that’s what you want.” she said lightly, her lips holding an element of contempt at his next statement.
“Underestimate me and I’ll make you regret it. I can take care of myself. If I need your help, you will know.” she said, her eyes still and unwavering as she continued. “You don’t need to know anything about me. If I feel you should know something, you will.”

Jack’s calm and cool expression bothered Fayne but at the same time she was glad she wasn’t travelling with a spineless fool who shook at her very glare. Those people were common and whenever Fayne passed one by, they became a little less.
Putting her eyes back on the road, she takes in the sight of the approaching woods just beyond the last of the mountains.
“Tell me about that place.”

Her people had mostly roamed the plains and avoided all other areas. The forests and the sea were two places of fascination to her, both places her clan never went and forbade her to go. Ever since Fayne left her people, she visited both kinds of places to her hearts content and looked forward to Underwood, feeling it may be special.

[Jack Frost]

Jack shivered slightly, for the first time in a while he actually felt a little cold. "Well its a small town meant mostly for trade and lumber." Jack began as they got deeper into the woods. "The man we want to avoid is my 'father' he's the head of the guard " Jack said making air quotes around the word father. "the man found me when I was little. I lived on the elvish settlement just outside of town, If needed we can stay in my tent, which is probably still open."

Jack paused and thought about it. "If anyone asks, your my fiance. The wedding will be in the spring. We're not sure hos going to be invited. There's a bar known as the peaceful promenade, its a little beat up since some troll got in and wrecked the place. The market will be full of gear we might need. especially heavier sleeping bags and clothes. Once we get our supplies we can probably rent horses, or steal them and make our way to Jadet."

Jack finished his long speech and turned to scan his companions face. She didn't show a lot of emotion, he wondered what had happened to her to do such a thing. Surely she must have experienced some sort of trauma.

[Fayne]

Fayne listened with an unchanging expression as Jack spoke about Underwood. She didn’t care who or what his father was and where they were staying. They were going to a small town, and that was enough for her.

“I am not your fiance.” she replied coolly. “Ridicule me again, and I’ll unman you.” she said, not sounding the least upset.
Fayne nods slightly at the mention of gear. It wasn‘t really a factor to her.

Inside, Jack was slowly threatening to awaken a beserk state when he talked about the town but she showed no sign of this, keeping her face a blank slate without any suggestion of feeling within. If they were still on the road in the plains she might have lashed out and taught him a few things, but the forests calmed her down.

Giving no word as to whether she agreed with his plan, she tilts her head down to hide her eyes, letting her fingers occasionally trail over the hilt of her sword.
Her eyes closed, she took in the scent of the forest. She found focus and clarity here. Even more so she found comfort in the tall trees. Fayne felt Underwood was different. They were not deep within the place yet, but she knew she was in a vast and ancient place unlike the small stretches of wood she visited before coming to Corone.

[Jack Frost]

Jack growled slightly taken aback. "So what explanation would you offer for us traveling together? We're an odd group, and we're bound to attract unwanted attention." Jack said defensively. "If we were in another town I'd call you my sister, but they know me here." Jack offered up as defense.

Something stirred inside him, he had felt the presence before. It was a cold one, and only arose occasionally. It was Winter, some sort of mental being buried deep within Jacks mind. He had decided it was simply his crueler side, but in fact it was Jack from eons ago. Back when the Thaynes ruled the earth. The very essence of winter had been a man, Polaris Winter, lord of the ice. He had ruled over all things cold for thousands of years before the Thayne war.

He had sided with N'jal at that time and had been wounded and scattered to become the season of winter, as had the other three seasons. He had slumbered for eons, lying dormant in the seasons. He had woken recently, and formed a new body. this was Jack. Unfortunately he was a little slow to recall exactly who he was, or what he did.

Winter wrapped an icy tendril around Jacks mind, and an elderly voice sounded through his head. Careful Jack, we are not strong enough to afford angering her. Time is the key, if we have time we will get stronger, exponentially so. Time Jack, Time...

Jack growled as winter retracted his presence. He would have to figure out how to rid himself of the pesky intruder inside his head. but the voice was right, he would have to wait to do anything serious. He saw the entrance to the town ahead of him, and standing there was Jaliss Everdeen, Jacks father. The elf locked eyes with Jack and scowled. It would be a long day...

[Fayne]

The corners of her lips rose. It was barely noticeable but it was the closest thing to a smile Jack would see from Fayne. She offered her own explanation. “You are my slave. You live and die by my mercy.”

Fayne had heard him growling, figuring he was angry. Drifting her eyes over to scan his face, he seemed moody. That didn’t upset her and she finally sees the small town, a lone figure not so far away greeting them with a scowl.
She doesn’t say anything and follows Jack as she had before.

The look in her eyes became dangerous as they began their approach to the town. If the man at the entrance was someone of intelligence, he wouldn't anger her.

[Jack Frost]

Jacked picked up his speed when he passed his father. For the two secounds it took to cross the threshold into town it seemed like the tension between the two men could crush any cold remarks by Fayne, or even the great Cassandra Reimi. It was so obviously apparent how much the two hated each other that one wouldn't be surprised if they drew their swords on each other. Just as it seemed Jack had passed, and all conflict was over Jaliss opened his mouth.

"You've come crawling back haven't you?" the guard said rather cockily. "In you dreams old man, I'm on my way to Jadet, this just happens to be a convenient stop." Jack replied angrily. Again the tension built up staggering possibly any comment that could be made. Anyone who didn't know anything about the two could tel they hated each other. It all just happened to have started the day Jack turned ten. his father had thought it would be a good birthday present to get remarried, to give his son a new mother.

Jack had been okay with it at first, not knowing much better at the time. But after a year it was clear tha mother and son didn't get along very well. Jack began to resent the woman for trying to replace his mom, and she began to start ignoring him. When Jack turned fifteen his new "mother" had another child. The little parasite stole all of the attention away from Jack. He began to become bitter towards his family. He refused to play with his baby brother or talk to his mother. When his father took notice it was too late. It was too late to save his relationship with Jack.

Instead the two began to fight constantly, and it got to the point where Jack moved into his own tent at the elvish settlement. Distance only made the tension worse. Soon the two could barely stand withing ten feet of each other without arguing. Finally Jack just left town one day, and never returned until the moment at hand.

Jaliss opened his mouth to reply, but Jack trudged forward blowing him off. There had been time to talk and his father had ignored it. Instead Jack wordlessly led Fayne to the peaceful promenade and reserved two rooms. Then he sat at the slightly battered bar of the tavern. He glanced around noticing the fresh repairs to the damages from an earlier troll attack and yawned. He motioned for Fayne to sit and he ordered two drinks. "We'll stay here for the night, run any errands you might want to do here now. I have personal business to attend to I'll be back for dinner." He said quickly. When the drinks arrived jack downed one of them and left the other for Fayne. He quickly rose and left the bar without a word. He had one person he had to see.

[Fayne]

Fayne followed Jack to the inn, not looking interested in his personal problems. It was a quiet place, seemingly dead and having no adventuring guests that day. She liked that.

Sitting down as Jack asked her to, she takes her time with the drink and wondered if Jack was even old enough for partaking in alcohol. “I will.” she replied to him. “I’ll be waiting.”
She closes her eyes when he left, giving a small smile.

After finishing, she left the inn tavern to fully wash herself after the long journey. The water they had wasn’t very warm, but she didn’t mind. Heading back to the tavern, Fayne found herself alone again. There were a few emptied glasses from those who had visited when she bathed and apart from that, only the workers occasionally passed by. When they saw her, they gave curious stares, saying nothing.

The bartender sighed, seemingly bored noticing Fayne staring out the a window, not looking interested in any drinks. He headed for the back room to clean after the mornings work, as a number of travelers left the inn that day. Leaning down by the sink, he began to rinse off and dry some mugs. By his fourth glass, he noticed something unusual as the room behind him dimmed. He mutters something annoyed at the impossibility that a stray breeze could have taken out all the lanterns. Turning around to leave the sink, he takes a step before stopping, eyes widening in surprise. Fayne was watching him. He takes a step back, mouth opened as if to say something, but the malevolence on Fayne’s empty expression as she kept her sword drawn low kept him silent. She stood there for a long time and all the bartender could do was continue to occasionally mouth words that never came. Eventually he lost his nerve and began to yell for help, but just as he began, Fayne’s short curved steel struck like lightning, shredding through his lungs in a crimson flash. The bartender breathlessly fell to the ground bleeding from his eyes from the shock, dying not long after.

Every lit room in the inn dimmed and the place went silent. The soft sound of breaking glass occasionally echoed through to the outside, but that quickly stopped. Though the night was not yet there, the inns foyer was dark, the dull blue light of the passing day barely brightening the place. Past that point it was darker still and the sound of chains swaying softly may have been heard. The inn definitely seemed to show all indication that it was to be closed for the night, save for the unlocked doors.

[Jack Frost]

Jack lightly jogged down the small forest road to his old home on the Elvish sanctuary. It was still light out, and the forest was beautiful. He had forgotten how much he missed the place. Once he arrived he scanned the crowd and quickly found who he needed to talk to. The old crone he used to run errands for was sitting by the fire knitting something. Jack approached her and sat down, staring at the woman who had taught him a lot of what he knew. She had served as his mentor for the most part, and he felt he should stop and talk to her.

"Hello Dear." She said smiling. "Hello Elder." Jack said sitting down beside her. "Its been a while since you left." She said focusing on her knitting. "Tell me, you are one of the last of the elven elders." Jack began. The old crone silenced him. "I do not know what you are Jack, you are unique, you've always known that, so have I. But I can think of something that will help you." The old woman rose and walked to her tent, beckoning for Jack to follow her.

Inside her tent she opened an old looking trunk, and rummaged through it "Aha!" she exclaimed finding what she was looking for. She pulled three somewhat large tomes and handed them to Jack. He looked at them and grinned. They were three volumes of an ancient series of elven books based on manipulating the elements. These three happened to be about ice magic.

"you will find these useful, My great grandfather wrote these. I don't have the full set on ice magic, but I'm sure with enough digging you can find volumes four through ten." Jack smiled. "Thank you elder, this means a lot to me." Jack said smiling. "One second!" she said quickly reaching into the same trunk she had found the tomes in. She quickly produced a strange bag and smiled. "It's a bag of holding, not one of the more famous ones with infinite space, but it should serve you well. It is a rather small bag, but you will find it will fit those tomes in and any other books you decide to take with you, and it'll feel like its empty. It has an enchantment on it to where it won't carry any weapons. So don't try to."

Jack took the bag and slid the books into it. He would treasure it always. "Thank you elder." He said solemnly. She smiled and replied, "you might want to get moving before your dad returns, he'll blow a gasket if he see's that I've given you this bag."

Jack smiled and left. It was getting dark by the time he left, and he quickly jogged back into town. He bought some warmer clothes for Fayne, including light fur boots that would keep her feet warmer. He also bought some food for the road. He planned to leave as soon as the sun rose the next day.

He reentered the bar and frowned. It was just like three nights ago when he had first met Fayne. He slammed the door shut behind him and lit a lamp. "By the Thaynes!" he swore his calm face creasing into a mask of fury. "Fayne! where are you!"

[Fayne]

Fayne was in her dark room after some mild amusement with the inn workers. Spread out on the bed, she had taken off her coat and sandals to try rest herself after the long road, but not fully. She couldn’t risk anyone investigating the strangely silent inn so she kept alert, watching the light in the room dim as the sun started to set.

Her half-closed eyes open a little hearing Jack’s voice and she gets up, avoided cutting herself on the occasional broken glass as she tip toes around it. She felt a smaller shard lightly pierce her skin, but nothing more. Padding down the hallway where a slashed up corpse hung from a chandelier followed by another tied in chains off the ceiling near the stairs, Fayne followed Jack‘s call.

Seeing him near the entrance with a lamp, she approached the lit area. “I am here.” she said, her voice sounding moody.

[Jack Frost]

Jack stood awestruck in the carnage that once was his favorite place to work in. It looked as if a monster from one of the many campfire stories he had heard attacked the place. Part of him was horrified. Another was strangely aroused. "You must not like bars." He commented motioning to the corpses. He had been angry, but to see the great detail and art she had put into it, well it was rather astounding.

He tossed her the warmer boots, not caring to see if she caught them. "Happy birthday, now get your stuff, we can't sleep in the inn so we'll have to either move out of Underwood tonight or stay in my old tent which is way too small for the two of us without being on top of each other." Jack said calmly. "I have just enough money set aside to rent horses to go to Jadet."

Jack glanced around the darkened halls and smiled, something inside of him began to stir. The cruel, cold hearted side of Jack was beginning to solidify its dominance over his mind. He was beginning to become less and less like the old jack, and more and more of a monster.

[Fayne]

Fayne made no further comment as to whether she enjoyed bars or not. Her head tilted down and she stared up at him, not looking happy about leaving the inn. Catching the boots he threw her, she sets them down to slip them on. While it was dark and freezing outside and the boots were warm, they were too great a reminder of the past. She looked off to the side, looking a little uncomfortable before going back to her room to collect her things. “I understand.”

Slipping into her coat, she straps on her bow, quiver and swordbelt before taking her other shoes by their straps and returns to Jack, her mind set on leaving the building. “Lead.”

[Jack Frost]

(forgive me for the minor bunnying)
Jack made sure all of his stuff was in order and left the bar with Fayne, making sure the weren't spotted. He quickly made his way to the nearest merchant and hired two horses. They both quickly mounted and set off down the dark forest road, the sun had completely set, and the only light they had to guide them was that of the newly risen moon, and the freshly awoken stars. Behind him he could hear the commotion as the working men entered the bar for their usual nights of drinking, only to find the horrifying scene Jack had found.

He turned his face forward and stared at the moon. Something was changing. Something was odd. He discarded the thought, and instead turned his mind to the future. He would soon be in Jadet. Once there he could look for more books to the set the Elder had given him. If only that day would come sooner...



Spoils:
Three tomes titled:
Ice magic for beginners: This book contains the basic steps to doing minor ice spells like throwing telekinetic snowballs or creating small floating icicles.

Ice magic for advanced beginners: This gets into more technical stuff, and also teaches multiple object control.

Intermediate ice magic: This tome covers larger icicles, and a few new nifty tricks like making walls of ice and exhaling arctic winds.

also One bag of holding that can hold anything as long as it is not a weapon of any sort or armor. If any Weapon or armor is attempted to be stored inside then the bag will light on fire destroying anything inside of it.

[Fayne]

Fayne rode swiftly behind Jack in the dark. They were traveling too quickly for her liking, but she was building endurance this way. An icy breeze constantly stung her face and she had trouble having full control of her mount, as her experience with riding was limited at best. The promise of a new land kept her going, a place she hoped was free for her to roam.



Spoils:
light fur boots:
they don't weigh too much if kept dry and are really warm! Wearing them in frosty environments lets Fayne travel a little quicker and they don't slip easily on ice.

[Silence Sei]

Sorry if this full commentary is kind of short, but this is the third thread I've done in 24 hours.

STORY

Continuity- (6/10) Solid setup here. I know where you are headed and why.

Setting (5/10) I was given a clear picture of the landscape and the temperature surrounding the characters. I would like to see more interaction with the environment rather than just picturing it around the pair.

Pacing (4/10) The traveling really just dragged on. Planning out some parts via PM or IM would enable you to make longer posts and advance the story quicker. Towards the end the pacing became much better when the two split up.

• CHARACTER

Dialogue (4/10) Dialogue was believable, but minimal.

Action (5/10) The few actions that were described were

Persona (7/10) This was the strongest section for both of you. Jack, I enjoyed getting a look into Jack’s past, though I feel there was much more potential and your interactions with the town could have been explored much more. Perhaps that would be a good idea to revisit at another time. Fayne, you could have delved further into your own character’s emotions but overall you did a good job of explaining her reasoning.

• WRITING STYLE

Mechanics (4/10) Jack, you had a lot of typos; most of those could be caught by simply proofreading. Fayne, you seem to jump tenses a lot and at times I caught myself having to re-read sections because of it.

Technique (4/10) Nothing outstanding here, minimal foreshadowing was really all I noticed.

Clarity (6/10) I had a clear image of what was going on throughout the thread. Focusing on re-reading what you write to ensure it all flows will help you here.

Wild Card (5/10) Like I said, I enjoyed the look into your characters background, but overall the thread dragged on.

Total (50/100)

All spoils approved-
Jack- keep in mind that having possession of the tombs does not grant Jack any actual power. All skills will still need to be earned separately and are subject to ROG approval.

Each character gets 450 exp, and 50 GP

[Silence Sei]

exp-GP added.

Praise be to Yevon, Jack leveled up!