The Awakaning

[Gladitor]

Darkness enshrouded the roughly made wooden cabin which provided shelter for the young half demon Gladitor but this was not his home. His eyes fluttered open and he slowly stood unaware of his new surroundings because the interior of the room was pitch black. As his grogginess began to ware off and his senses returned to normality he quickly began to realize the cold draft that seeped under the door. A cold chill ran up his spine as the realization dawned on him that this was not his home.

[Gladitor]

He snapped to attention suddenly paranoid of the dark shadows that surrounded him. Lowering down into a fighting stance he quietly slid his twin steel daggers out of their sheaths with the whisper of leather against steel. Holding is knifes sideways he walked across the cold, splintery floor with his bare feet. He jumped back as he felt a metal object pressing against his chest. He slashed with both knifes and felt them strike their target and stick, in the frame of the wooden door. Feeling extremely foolish he resheathed his knifes checking his hands he realized they were blistered from the impact. He sat back down on the blackened stone next to the fire place. Gladitor reflected back on the night and felt an emptiness welling up inside him. He began to think that the only thing worse than somebody being in the house was the feeling of being alone.

[Gladitor]

“Well might as well figure out where I am or better yet how I got here.” Gladitor said aloud as he sat on what he could now see where the ash covered stones of the fire place that he didn’t even know existed until now. His eyes had adjusted extremely slowly to dark interior of the wooden building because he came from the land of eternal glow and heat. If only I could remember where I came from maybe that would help, he thought to himself and strained hard to remember. All that he could remember was foggy except for two things that were more of feelings and senses than an actual place, he could remember a bright glowing light and how it was not an ordinary light it was a more of an orange glow. The second thing that he remembered was an extraordinary heat that didn’t bother him much in fact there was nothing he wanted more right now to fight off the infernal cold that seemed to surround him as it seeped through every crack and crevice of the house including the fire place which he realized he was still sitting in front of. He gave up with an exasperated sigh which let the unwanted cold air into his lungs and he gasped again which didn’t help much. Frustrated at his inability to remember his home he jumped up onto his feet and stomped over to the door (about five steps away) and slammed it open. The sight that he beheld there was nothing like he had ever seen before and he thought surely would never see again. His anger dissipated as quickly as it had come upon him and he stared out into the wilderness around him.

The first thing that Gladitor noticed was the wind that whipped through the bare branches of the trees causing the dead limbs to creak and groan and in some cases to fall to the ground with a loud crashing noise and stung any bare skin with painful cold. The second thing that he noticed was that although the trees where bare he could see no leaves upon the ground, a sight that he thought to be quite unnatural. The final thing that Gladitor noticed was that along with the wind there seemed to be a white substance falling to the ground and falling through the air melting as they made contact with his warm skin and accumulating on the ground creating a sparkling sheet of white. The clouded sky let little moonlight through, and not to mention the canopy of the trees above him obscuring his view of what he assumed would be a starlit sky. He noticed that the pale light seemed to make his skin look the color of the fireplace stones instead of its normal ashen tone. Walking quickly back into the cabin dawning his chain mail armor the cold steel stung his skin as it lay against his bare arms and neck. He noticed how the light from the small window glinted off of it and was glad for the dark green cloak that made him a shadow in the darkness. He also wrestled on his hunting boots that were padded to dampen the sound of his footsteps. He walked out the door back into the stinging cold air and immediately regretted it but his sense of curiosity overpowered him and he continued walking onwards to what he could see where the shadows of tall trees creating a natural barrier between him and the rest of the woods. As he walked towards them his foot suddenly caught on what he assumed to be a tree root although he was still several yards from the tree line and he fell face first upon the ground.

[Gladitor]

Oww, he moaned standing up slowly, leaving a deep imprint in the white powder on the ground. The white substance on the ground had broken his fall but even worse than being injured from the fall was the fact that his clothes where now soaked “Great just what I needed a bath while wearing my only pair of dry clothes.” He said angrily to the empty air around him. He turned around in what he hoped would remain a standing stance and bent over wiping the white stuff away from the thing that had tripped him. At first it appeared to be just what he had first thought a large root but as he dug further he realized that it was a long curved rod with a taught string attached to both of the ends. Then he remembered its name it was a bow made out of a young springy yew tree and from the looks of it a finely made one. He picked up his new found weapon and preceded to walk towards the line of trees no longer angry at his accidental discovery. As he stumbled through the thick brush trying to find any signs of life he walked into a clearing of the trees but he was not alone there. In the clearing sitting down he saw a young man who appeared to either be in his late teens or early twenties. He wore a silver necklace around his neck and as he sat there the impossible happened it seemed to actually get colder outside. He saw the man exhale a foggy breath and begin to move. Afraid he had been spotted Gladitor stood stalk still in the frigid air his back scraped against a tree and the loose bark fell to the ground. He was sure that the man in the clearing must of heard it because it sounded like a falling tree in the deathly silence. Fortunately he had not been seen (or heard) and he watched as the young man pulled a sleeping bag out of a mysterious satchel that he carried and preceded to place it in a makeshift shelter. The man sitting in the center of the clearing turned to where he faced Gladitor directly and even through the darkness Gladitor saw that his eyes where a strange light color. His silver spiked hair shined in the moonlight and Gladitor wondered how he got it to stay that way. He thought about talking to the man sitting there in the moonlight but from what he could see from the shadowed expression the man was deeply troubled so he decided to leave him be and continued his journey. And either way you can never be too carful.

[Gladitor]

Light had just broken over the horizon as Gladitor continuing to force his way through the thicket began noticing the grumbling of his stomach. “I wonder if I got a good lunch to go along with the mysterious cabin and the headache,” he sat back on his haunches and removed a small tan sack that was able to hold anything from the interior of his cloak. As he felt the cool interior of the bag his hand brushed across something hard and cold with a slight ridge along the top. His hand closed around the unfamiliar object and he felt something pierce through his skin and a trickle of hot blood ran down his palm. Cursing he thrust the bag into the snow with a dull thud. Out of the spare cloth of his cloak he cut a damp piece and wrapped it around his hand to staunch the bleeding. Determined not to make the same mistake twice he decided to pour out the contents of the bag instead. He flipped the bag over and loosened the draw string nothing happened. He hit the bottom in frustration and suddenly all the contents came pouring out. He looked at the contents contrasting against the stark white snow. The first thing he saw was an arrow slightly dislodged from the quiver where it was held the tip coated in already frozen blood. “I’m going to have to remember not to keep those in there from now on. At last his eyes alighted open a very enticing thing. There lying on the ground only slightly soggy where two good size rolls. Picking them up he realized how cold and wet they really where from their contact with the icy ground. He sighed recognizing that this would be a very tasteless and unsatisfying meal. He ate them in silence all the previous excitement gone and began replacing the items back in the sack. After that task was completed he swung the quiver of arrows around his back and hefted his bow. I really hope I get out of these woods soon he thought to himself as his stomach continued grumbling and the sun continued is eternal cycle across the sky.

[Gladitor]

Gladitor was dead. Of course that is what I would say if I merely wanted to kill him off but no there is a more elaborate story than that. This was not the original way I meant for him to die. I had it typed up all nice and neat on Microsoft word but it appears to have gone missing so it seems I will have to write a replacement which is going to be far more strange than the original and certainly less brutal. Well here it is hope you enjoy this will be my last post with this character at least but enough back-story and smashing of the fourth wall lets go ahead and begin the story. Gladitor walked slowly through the forest under brush with his flaming bow deaths song burning the foliage a he walked past. Spying a deer up ahead he slid an arrow out of his quiver. He notched it on the bow and fired. The arrow streaked trough the air faster than the speed of light striking the deer of course before he fired the arrow. The deer then proceeded to explode into an inter-dimensional portal. Through it he saw the blood writing on the wall. The cake is a lie it said. Not believing it for a second he shot nuclear missiles into the sun until it super novad and rained flaming cake from the sky. By the way sorry for all of the spelling errors I am writing this on a kindle no spell and or grammar check. The flaming cake struck the earth causing it to shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. The candles on the cakes opened and out rode a terrifying site thousand upon thousands of Russians riding bears slinging their laser rifles off their shoulder and proceeded to fire at the intergalactic force of ninjas. A massive battle ensued, heads were severed stars where thrown lasers were fired and in the end two stood the only survivors. one was the armor clad Spartan Master Chief the other Mr. Rodgers still wearing his blood stained sweater from the ultimate showdown. Chuck Norris rose from the grave and flew up into what was left of space. He roundhouse kicked a planet at Master Chief he dodged it and began to fight Mr. Rodgers who deflected his blows with his light saber. They began to circle around faster than it is possible to go and created a universal whirlpool which sucked in all the mass from everywhere. It was all condensed into a pinpoint and the massive gravity well of nothing forced the three combatants together. It forced them until they merged into awesomeness. They were all combined when he universe exploded and was immediately repopulated. Mastercheifchucknorrismr.rodgers ruled the universe forever with an iron fist killing all who opposed him. And that is why 2+2=5 oh yes and Gladitor was dead.

[Scrotus]

May we add this to canon? Please

[Gladitor]

of course you may

[Lord Anglekos]

Hey Gladitor, I'll be your Judge for this thread. Now, I want to start off with saying that while I was reading this, I thought you did a pretty good job with your setting, and it really caught my attention; especially in your third post. Why you decided to cut things off so abruptly in your last post, I don't know, but it's my job to judge it anyways and that's just what I'll do. I hope you decide to take things with Gladitor further in the future though.

Anyways, here's your judgment, as requested.

Story: 2
In all honesty, this category would have been higher had it not been for the final post made by you, which cut it down by a couple of points to what it is now. I was not impressed with what you had originally whatsoever; right from your introduction post, I felt several key things missing; who was the half-demon Gladitor? What had he been doing previously before awakening in this strange room? What had been his goals, or mission, or job at the time, if he had any? Several questions popped up from your initial post, and most remained unanswered throughout the thread. Your third post began to expand upon your emptied introduction, but cut off before I could truly begin to care about the silent past of Gladitor and never expanded further past it.

It seemed like you almost made an attempt at inspiring the "rising action" part of a good story in your fourth post, with the introduction of the mysterious youth, and Gladitor wondering whom the person may have been, but apparently you decided to skip that part and go back to the mulling of your character before your "final", fifth post, which I can only assume you were attempting to make your conclusion.

You were actually off to a good start, before you made the part of him shooting an arrow faster than light; from there on, I lost any interest in what was going on, and merely got a good chuckle out of it. However, since you decided to submit this, I had to take into account its existence. It was because of this faux-conclusion that I docked you a couple of points.

Strategy: 3
Gladitor's actions were really the only things that drew my attention about the thread. In the beginning, his adopting a fighting stance and striking with his knives truly began to tell me about the character as a whole, but in the fourth post he didn't even seem to "remember" what a bow was, despite his obvious combat training. This seemed slightly contradictory to me, as if you were simply trying to make things up as you went with the thread. Still, disregarding this fact, I pictured him as a conservative, sneaky-type individual until, as I stated in Story, your very last post.

Setting: 5
This was actually one of your better categories, and honestly I would have given it a higher score would it not have been for, of course, the final post. In some places you were quite descriptive, especially with the "cold seeping in" on your first post, which then lead up to the wintry landscape outside of the dark cabin. It, along with the mysterious youth, was one of the few things that drew me in while reading your thread, and I only could have wished you expanded upon it more in your writing.

Continuity: 1
I had no idea where Gladitor was, whom he was, or where he was going. I know the point of it was to re-emphasize the mysterious amnesiac factor he seemed to have going on, but there are ways to do this while still being able to let the reader attach themselves to the character; empathize, I should say, is a better term for that. Unfortunately, I could only do so for a tiny, tiny bit, and utterly lost interest in the continuity of the character as a whole even before your last post. I gave you a point because you gave him a name and somewhat of an identity ("half demon"), but that was it.

Interaction: 2
In some places, like with your second post and how he struck the chair, I got a slight sense of just whom your character was, and I thought it began to make sense; however, at points I felt like I was completely thrown off, such as when he met the mysterious youth in the middle of the woods. I didn't feel like his interaction (or lack of, in this case) was truly logical in that situation; Gladitor wakes up with no memory, in a strange realm. Even if the boy turned out to be a foe, the way he struck the chair and went out searching in the first place made me think he would approach the youth in some way. Alas, he did not.

Character: 2
Most of which I stated about your character I've already put in the above categories, but I'll reiterate it here; Gladitor lacked definition. You never really gave me a clear picture of whom he was, or even what he looked like, and when you began to it never went anywhere or abruptly changed in such a manner that your previous attempts, unconscious or not, were rendered pointless. Remember; the character is where it all starts. Someone can be an amazing writer in technical aspects, but unless the reader is given someone they can picture emotionally and/or physically it is incredibly difficult to make any reader care.

Creativity: 4
Your descriptions were actually quite easily visualized, and I was pleasantly surprised on how you used them; in a couple places, especially in your third post, I was impressed with your sheer writing ability to visualize your setting. However, a lack of metaphors or even similes made this category hard to give anything higher than its score, and your last post, humorous as it was, did little to tease the expectations of my mind.

Mechanics: 2
This is a section that you had quite some trouble on, but is easily fixed if you simply take the time to both check your spelling and look over your grammar after each post. Most, if not all of your posts contained quite a few errors, including run-on sentences, misspellings, lack of punctuation (commas, mostly) and/or not distinguishing thoughts/dialogue from normal third-person narrative. Like I said, this is one the easiest categories to fix; just take your time, and make sure to check each post after you're done.

Clarity: 1
I had an extremely difficult time reading this thread, as it was quite difficult to understand at times, and I had to re-read practically every single post in order to understand what was happening. One of the problems with this was the fact that you didn't separate your writing into multiple paragraphs (except for post 3, which I personally believe was your best writing so far), but factors such as mechanical errors and the lack of a truly cohesive story played greatly into this as well.

Wildcard: 4
When I first looked at this thread and skimmed through it to see just what I was dealing with, I honestly thought I was going to have a lot worse of a time than I actually had. Your setting in particular caught my attention, and if you had written like you did in your third post the entire thread through, your score would have probably reached the lower forties. Keep working on it, and I hope this isn't the true death of Gladitor; I'd like to see a half-demon character worth his salt walking around here on Althanas sometime, and you've honestly got the potential when you're being serious. So don't let the score discourage you; just keep on writing, and keep in mind the things I said.

Final Score: 26/100
Gladitor has gained 260 EXP!
Gladitor has gained 60 Gold!

[Silence Sei]

GP-EXP Added.