The Rapture

[Dol]

So here we are, staring down the barrel of God's metaphorical Desert Eagle that is judgment.

Will Althanas still be running, you know, after all the Christians leave? Because God knows I'll need something to entertain me without those Westboro Baptists running around.

I mean unless its like a flat out Fallout style post-apocalyptic scenario. Then its safe to say you guys probably won't be seeing me on the forums anytime soon.

But, all comedies aside, lets talk about this 'Rapture.' What do you guys think?

I don't want to sound like a elementary school guidance counselor, but no antitheism or hardcore fundamentalism is welcome here. No flamewars, no hatespeech.

[Amen]

The best suggestion I've heard so far: on Saturday, grab some old clothes and shoes and leave them in complete sets on the sidewalks and on peoples' lawns.

[Dol]

Yeah thats a good one. I'm thinking about just not going to work. Blame it on the rapture.

[orphans]

Somewhere beyond the sea, somewhere, waiting for me, My lover stands on golden sands and watches the ships that go sailing.

>>... That's what Rapture makes me think of.

[Wynken]

I can say with all certainty that the Westboro Baptists will be around post rapture anyway...

[Elrundir]

Yeah, even if the Rapture is real the Westboro Baptists should still be left over.

[Knave]

I read enough horror fiction and and comedy to know one thing: the greatest irony would be that every prediction was little more than trans-divi-dam-national (I have invented a franken word) propaganda. >_> Just imagine it, just another distraction by either illuminati mystics or freemason paladins to distract people from wars being fought and resources disappearing. It will culminate in WWIII, where Australia will suffer the same fate as Atlantis in the Original Anti-World War which no one knows about, but is clearly the most obvious reason for the death of of our dinosaur saviors. (http://www.topatoco.com/graphics/00000001/smbc-dinosave.png)

That aside, I'm looking forward to it. Worst case scenario, my world is only made interesting for a few seconds. Best case scenario, we all join together in a singularity of peace and love. Or, if nothing happens, I go to work and order Still Alive Pizza.

[orphans]

Oooo Knave, that's a good idea. I was thinking about getting a "It's Monday, Again" ice cream cake.

x3 I like cake.

[Dol]

@Knave, I might be buying one of those T-shirts now...

[Knave]

Resist the urge, I know its hard, but thats an expensive shirt. You're actually paying for the smile, just print out a picture and keep it in your wallet. Trust me, it'll make things easier.

[Lillith]

I don't care if there's to be a Rapture or not, I'm not leaving this mortal realm for anyone until I've lived a little more.

[Vigil]

Boy, is his face going to be red.

[Lord Anglekos]

I don't care if there's to be a Rapture or not, I'm not leaving this mortal realm for anyone until I've lived a little more.
Well said.
And I've not found religion, nor do I see it happening anytime in the future, so I guess that should speak for itself. See you guys on Saturday.

[Letho]

Well. it's Saturday here in Europe already and I see no sign of this Rapture. Which kind of sucks. I always wanted to know what's it like living underwater.... What, that's not the Rapture we're talking about here? :rolleyes:

[orphans]

Well. it's Saturday here in Europe already and I see no sign of this Rapture. Which kind of sucks. I always wanted to know what's it like living underwater.... What, that's not the Rapture we're talking about here? :rolleyes:

was the one I was singing about~

but it's okay Letho... I'm sure we can all chip in and get a Big Daddy suit for you. That'd be awesome :D! and then you could work at a daycare!!! And then pummel any parent that tries to take away the children from you!!!!

[Yari Rafanas]

I was so proud of you, Althanas, for not posting about Osama being killed. I thought to myself, "Yes, at last! Sanctuary from the hivemind." But now you've gone and started talking about this Rapture shit. SHAME ON YOU!

[Elrundir]

NOTE TO ALL CHRISTIANS BEING SUCKED UP TO THE SKY ON SATURDAY MAY 21, 2011: In an effort to make your "going home to Jesus" far more organized for us heathens who will burn in lakes of fire afterwards, (stop tittering pagans) we would appreciate if you could take a few steps to make things easier for all of us down here.

1) Prior to departure, please erect a small sign in front of your dwelling identifying your home as that of a Christian. This has a biblical precedence in Exodus, when the Jews on the night of the first Passover marked their lintels with lamb's blood so that the Angel of Death (Either Gabriel or Azrael) would pass them by. In leaving the sign, it will mean that the Angel of Looting and Taking all Your Shit will not pass by your home and that your neighboring sinful heathen's home doesn't accidentally get invaded

2) Shortly before the big Celestial Suck, please make sure to have fed your pets. Looting and sacking, and eventual squatting may take time, and you don't want Fluffy to die waiting for us. Please be advised that pets will not be going with you since they really go to Heaven and its one without a single asshole and thus not where you are going.

3) Please leave a spare house key under the doormat. This will eliminate the need to kick in the door and thus ruin what may well be someone's future home. OK yes yada yada only until November...whatever. Likewise please leave a copy of your car key under the driver's floor mat, and all gun safes and other safes and money boxes in the open position. This helpful action will eliminate the need for more damage.

4) Please remember that you are going home to the Lord and All will be provided by His Glory, so leave all ATM cards, credit cards, and cash on the kitchen counter along with all relevant PIN's and information. This will make raiding your now abandoned accounts far easier to pillage.

If you follow these steps your Rapture to Heaven and spending your eternity with God will be enjoyable and convenient for all. Thank you for your cooperation and Bon Voyage!

(Taken from a friend's Facebook.)

[Jasmine]

I have numerous reasons why I voted "no", but as per the first post, I won't list them here. If anyone is actually that interested you can just message me.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if there are people that do exactly what's in El's above post.

Here in Anchorage there's a company that does mobile billboards. I happened to be driving behind one of the billboard trucks today claiming that Judgement Day is Saturday. As a professed Christian, I agree about the need of the world in general to repent and turn to God, however, I still say that these people are wrong. Not that it matters much to me personally, if it happens then I won't be around anymore. If it doesn't, then I'll see everyone sometime Saturday or Sunday. *shrug*

[Knave]

You know whats increasingly depressing? We have all heard of this, and most of us did not hear of it from each other. That means that in the 21st century, with a world in ever apparent decay, governmental failing in heavy publication, amidst a storm of culture both popular and classical, with a wealth of activities to stave off indolence, all accompanied by a lifetime which is steadily increasing... the civilized world, either in jest or daffy seriousness, has on some level accepted and heavily distributed this information... and people are paying attention.

As it will be in the future, it was at the birth of Man
There are only four things certain since Social Progress began.
That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire,
And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire;

~ Kipling, kids.

[Kurai]

Yeah. I can't believe that that's going to happen. But hey, even if it does, there's really nothing you can do about it so no need to worry about it.

[Dol]

All work and no play makes Yari a dull boy.

[Duffy]

Oooh look, we're all still here.

Fancy that.

;).

[Dol]

its 6 PM Missed it by 12 hours

[Lillith]

It's 9:30am here :p.

[SandStorm]

Wish it would in a way, so the rest of us that are left in the ruined world could get to having some wild adventures. Urban-cowboy style.

[Silence Sei]

Someone call Japan and see if they've been raptured yet.

I'm, of course, going off of the assumption that Jesus waits for time zones.

[Enigmatic Immortal]

Damn, no ragnarok yet? oh well, always 2012

[Amen]

It is the opinion of a friend of mine that the rapture was set to happen, and then Macho Man Randy Savage saved us.

http://www.ordoveritas.com/forums/download/file.php?id=268

And now you all get to go to Hell for laughing, just like me.

[Sheex]

Thanks Macho Man Randy Savage!

[Silence Sei]

That picture Depicts MM as he's about to snap into a Slim Jew.

OH YEAH!


.....Couldn't help myself.

[Amen]

You are all terrible, wonderful people.

[Duffy]

And we are content with that oxymoron very much sir :p.

[Letho]

It is the opinion of a friend of mine that the rapture was set to happen, and then Macho Man Randy Savage saved us.

http://www.ordoveritas.com/forums/download/file.php?id=268

And now you all get to go to Hell for laughing, just like me.Dunno. They had to beat the living crap out of Jesus to get him down, and even then he respawned in three days (or not, depends on what you believe). Macho Man got killed by a heart attack while cruising along the highway and I don't think he's getting up. I'd bet on Jesus. Skinny guys are tough as nails. :cool:

[Lord Anglekos]

Dunno. They had the beat the living crap out of Jesus to get him down, and even then he respawned in three days (or not, depends on what you believe). Macho Man got killed by a heart attack while cruising along the highway and I don't think he's getting up. I'd bet on Jesus. Skinny guys are tough as nails. :cool:
Jesus is Paladin with Auto-Raise cast on him, hunh?

[Silence Sei]

It took Jesus 3 days

Macho Man just needs 3 seconds

[Wynken]

Matthew 24:3 As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. “Tell us,” they said, “when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?”

4 Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you...

...6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains.

9 “Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10 At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11 and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13 but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come...

...36 “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father...

...42 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. 43 But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. 44 So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

I'm unsurprised that the rapture didn't occur. It's impossible for anyone to know when it will. The true problem with such prophesies is that it makes the Bible and Christianity appear uncredible (or more so if you like), but the fact that the rapture wasn't accurately foreseen by this most recent group casts no doubt in my mind that the rapture will take place at some point.