Beneath Stars Ablaze (Closed)

[Ruby]

Beneath Stars Ablaze (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24CGivyV9Tg)


2531


Closed to Silence Sei.

Sequel to Across Oceans Blue. (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?22911-Across-Oceans-Blue-(Closed))

I sit here in disgust,
For the block strikes nigh again,
I've spent my day whittling my nib,
Fighting my restrain.

I want to write just one last verse,
A line to end all lines,
I want to smell the roses wrought
In the woodland realm of pines.

I talk myself a merry talk,
Soothe soul with caustic lies,
For every time I flick to paper,
The poet in me dies.

I seem to have hit an end stop,
A stop to all dictation,
Of dragons, dreams and dust I dream,
Of tripling and sedation.

I long to write like I’ve never written,
Make marks in a mystic land,
But here I am, settling for nothing,
Fighting with time's hand.

Cydney Oliver

[Ruby]

To Ruby and Emma’s relief, Istien University was still standing when the carriage pulled into the long gravelled drive that lead from the dirt road into the central courtyard. Its illustrious towers still rose high, even if they were dishevelled, cracked and crumbling. Walls, once shining and resplendent with etchings and golden leaf covered statues still stood, even if their gable ends were toppled and their mighty surfaces mottled with burn marks from necrotic blasts and siege machines.

He few elves that had remained dedicated to teaching and to learning were more than welcoming to the two women. They were offered meagre but comfortable quarters amongst the other students, a room with nothing more than a large bed, a single tallboy and a large desk. The heavy stone walls kept the small fireplace’s warmth well contained within their chambers, and the single open window overlooked a small herb garden with high walls and no hope of ever seeing the sunlight for long.

Two weeks had passed before Ruby was given chance to catch her breath. Their first week was spent in a grand, cold hall under the tutelage of Shola Horan. The tall, dark skinned elf was a master of vocal projection, and instructed them both on how to increase the pitch and strength of their songs and words despite physical exertion and distress. Ruby was a master at this already, but she went through the motion to comfort Emma’s difficulty so that they both graduated their induction together. Side by side they knelt before their Blade Singer instructor as he rested his sword on their shoulders and praised their fortunes.

Pride had continued to swell in the red head’s stomach throughout the second week. The disparaging difference between her talent and Emma’s awakening skills was readily apparent at first. Ruby was taken aback however at just how quickly Emma learnt the ropes. She had already set the stars ablaze late at night with an aria to the lions of Salvar’s snow wastes, and sundered rock with an angry falsetto arrangement about the constraint Sei placed on her. Ruby had been particularly impressed with that one.

By the end of the second week, at sun’s set, they were both called unexpectedly to the Grand Hall at the centre of the University’s main campus building by the incumbent Dean in the absence of the high blade singer Cora'Lindstra. She was a strikingly beautiful elf clad in a simple but shimmering white silk dress. Its low cut front and ribbon laced back displayed her ample features, and her upright posture and ring laden fingertips struck the two women as they entered with awe.

“Welcome to you both, please, approach,” she waved to the two wing-back chairs to either side. The lofty height of the hall gave her voice an ethereal, hollow edge. She was almost whispering, as if she feared causing them injury with the slightest of misplaced syllables.

Ruby and Emma approached with as much legality as they could muster after a long and tiring day singing in the cloisters. They had been attempting, under the wistful gaze of the Battle Mage Ilka, to cleave watermelons in two. Ruby’s lack of precision had caused the tutor to storm off in a pip covered rage and end their lessons early.

"That is Lady General Nalith Celiniel Emma, the High Steward and Blade Singer General..."

“If we get asked to leave because of your pranks Ruby, mark my words, I’ll sing you a new hole,” Emma whispered with a slight hint of malice into Ruby’s ear as they approached the chairs and both sat together in unison. They folded up the bottom hem of their long floral dresses as if they had rehearsed their entrance for hours.

Ruby chuckled, and folded her left leg across her right to stabilise her aching back in the coarse and hard embrace of the dining chair.

“You have both achieved great things during your short stay here at the university.” The elf smiled, but did not sit back into her velvet lined throne. “Usually, in peace time we would begin to consider you for more specialised tutelage in one of the disciplines of blade singing. There are many schools, much like a wizard’s art and many voices to be found calling in the back of one’s throat.”

She paused for effect, and Ruby casually looked around the hall to take in its splendour. It was a grand domed circle, with eight columns lining the outer wall to keep the heavy marble carvings which hung from the ceiling in place. Stone angels and crystal cherubs fluttered silently through the rafters and a great coiled dragon made of jade was wrapped around the criss cross support beams. It’s head leered down from the centre of the three dimensional art, it’s eyes set dead centre to where Ruby and Emma were both sat. She gulped, and returned her gaze to their superior.

“I have my expectations of you, from the incident when you saved a tutor from a collapsing wall by singing a white shielding dome about you both…but let us see what is in your heart.”

Greatness, Ruby prayed.

“You are known to us, Ruby Winchester. News of your former self reached my eyes many moons ago. Your school is already decided, so before I teach you the awakening song this evening I must ask you,” she turned to Emma, and held out a small vial. “To drink the Light of the Pole Star and sing whatever comes to your mind. Upon doing so, the dragon will roar the name of the school you are to be entered into. Then, you can become true pupils of the University, true children of the Bardic way.”

Emma looked to Ruby for re-assurance, but as usual, all the matriarch did was nod enthusiastically before resting her chin into her well painted hands.

It was time to see if the hope and expectation Ruby had for the young Orlougne was worth its weight in gold.

[Silence Sei]

This was an odd feeling for Emma Orlouge. For as long as the teen could remember, she dreamed of coming here, to the Istien University. Now, the fourteen year old girl ssat patiently, hands in her lap, as Ruby and the Head Mistress of the school talked with one another. She had traveled far with Ruby Winchester in order to be here, and now they would not only learn song magic, but do it together.

That is, until she learned that she could possibly not be in the same school as the woman she so looked up to.

Emma's eyes widened as she looked at the small vial. The girl lifted a trembling hand towards the vial, grasping it and shaking the contents within as she did so. Uncorking the liquid, the girl closed her eyes and emptied the mysterious potion into her mouth. She licked her lips as she looked to Ruby. Her eyes raised in surprise.

"It tastes...like cherries."

Cora'Linstra nodded, and motioned for the young girl to make her way towards the towering lizard in front of them. Emma replied only with a nod of her own and took several shaky steps towards the beast. Taking in a very deep breath, and paused. Her eyes widened for a moment, her mind had gone completely blank. How could this have happened to her? Tears began to well up in the teens eyes as she thought about her failure. They had traveled all this way, and now Emma would not be accepted into the University because of one little slip up.

She looked to Ruby with a worried glance. The older woman's own wide eyes seemed to reflect Emma's concern. It was as if the auburn avenger had suffered this exact same ailment before; looking for words but finding nothing. Emma clutched her hands into fists, her body starting to ripple as she did so. Now, the tears flowed freely from her eyes, waterfalls splashing to the red carpet below to grant it a darker hue. She took in another breath, hoping that some sort of motivation would come to her.

Nothing did.

She looked to Ruby once more, her eyes pleading for some sort of help. She knew this was her only chance to prove herself not only to Cora'Lindra, but to Ruby Winchester as well.

[Ruby]

Proving oneself was a difficult task; Ruby knew this all too well. She puffed out her chest and her arms aloft, as if to make her appearance more grandiose than it actually was. She recalled the time she had taken the very same draft, too long ago for her ego to recall, and prayed for Emma to take to the remedy of the Bladesingers like a duck to calm water.

“Do not fear Emma, there is nothing to be afraid of. This strange sensation,” she spiralled on a heel as if she was a born ballerina. In one of her many past lives, perhaps she had been. “It is part of the process, natural, effluent, real.”

Cora'Lindstra remained deathly silent whilst the unfolding melodrama continued to expand. It swelled, like a tidal deluge, crushing hope, dreams and prospects with the immensity that underpinned its advance. Ruby could feel it in her bones, but that came as a perk of being a venerable, haggard old crone, a veteran, perhaps master of the Bladesinger art. It was a strange sensation, knowing what was to come and all the wonders that came with it, when she did not exactly know how to describe it to anyone.

The Aria, the other world full to the brim of mercury lined knowledge was a double edged sword in that regard. It made one wise, but also, it made one ignorant.

“Let it flow through your veins, like quicksilver lining a firebrand,” she thought for a moment, “like a bullet cocking through a chamber into the barrel of a gun. When you are ready, Emma Orlougne, let the draught carry you, let it prise open your lungs, let its words, in whatever form they take, break free of your lungs!”

Breaking free was precisely why Ruby was here. She wanted to be free of all the tyranny in her life, especially the bondage she had forged and restrained herself with. Singing, above all other things in life set her to the winds. This test, which she had taken as the elf Liana centuries ago was the first step in the long process of self-emotive discovery that came with an awakening blade singer’s soul.

“Sing, for fuck’s sake, sing whatever comes to mind, heart and body!”

Ruby La Roux, Ruby Winchester, Mrs Winchester; whatever name you referred to the crimson mistress as, it was never in conjunction with a curse word.

Emma felt a rise of anger, perhaps disappointment, and the liquid, a placebo in all respects kicked in. She felt the same dreams, hopes and fears Ruby had when she had drunken of the elven waters, and from those fertile rapids, came a new, potent voice.

Ruby Winchester listened intently, more so than Cora'Linstra, to whatever came out of the young Orlougne’s mouth.

“For those words decide your future…” she mumbled beneath her sullen breath.

[Silence Sei]

The words of her mentor sent a mixture of rage and inspiration within the girl. Emma's posture quickly perked up, her chin held high as she began to sing, making sure to hit each note perfectly. The highs were on par with the best sopranos, and her lows comparable with Althanas greatest altos. She could feel the magical breeze from the school flowing through the ruffles of her dress, cooling and relaxing her even further. Emma looked back, confident that she had passed the test, her song still carrying on the sweet winds of the air.

Only Ruby and Cora'Linstra both looked unimpressed, as if the girl had sung nothing at all. The teen's eyes widened at this reaction. She was singing, still singing, how could they not hear her sweet melodies on the air? She turned back and continued her rhapsody, allowing her self to scream the lyrics of her song now. Still, there was no noise escaping from her lips, at least not according to the disappointed looks of the instructors. Emma finally stopped her singing, a feeling of pity churning in her stomach as she did so. She turned to Ruby, tears flowing from her eyes once again.

"I'm so sorry, Miss Winchester, so so---"

"Emma," Ruby interrupted her, a look of astonishment upon her face, a matching look plastered upon Cora'Linstra, "Emma, turn around for a moment and look what the reflection of herself. the young Orlouge gasped as she watched an image of herself singing, much like she had just done, only now the music had a visual appeal to it. Each note seem to carry a holy light, blasting open to reveal an even brighter power. It was the power to fight the undead, and just like that, Emma knew what school she would be in.

But the question still remained, why didn't Ruby or Cora hear the girl's song?

[Ruby]

A spell singer’s first note was a personal, wonderful thing. It was Emma’s soul that was singing, not her throat, and as such, no one else but she could hear its melody. It spoke to her mind, her sensibilities, her very essence, and told her all that she needed to know to succeed as a spell singer, even if she did not yet recognise it.

“You do not need to worry, Emma,” said the high bard.

Ruby stepped away from her charge, to give her both room to breathe and room to dance and twirl, should the mood take her. When she had taken these same trial centuries ago as a high elf, she had danced until the very flagstones beneath her slippered feet grew tired and dull.

She bit her lip, surprised at the memory.

The elf in her was awakening, just as fiercely as the voice was in Emma.

“Tell us which of the schools feels most natural to you, based on what you hear?” Cora’Linstra took out from the folds of her flowing, ethereal attire something long, thin and golden. Ruby recognised it, but she could not place its name or its purpose.

“Give us a declaration, so that beneath these stars ablaze we can sing together in harmony!” When Ruby had said, perhaps somewhat arrogantly that she had learnt all the schools in her lifetime, she had not been bragging. Somewhere in her mind, there were the words to every discipline taught in the blade singer tradition. When Emma sang, she would sing with her, and the young girl’s future would be testified to the elven gods by Nalith Celiniel, the star light child.

As the atmosphere in the grandiose chamber reached fever pitch, the various statues and emblems on the ceiling began to shift in the corner of one’ eye. Dragon fang shook, demon’s tongue flickered, spiralling sigils and glyphs slowly burnt bright as the very essence of the building began to reverberate in response to the awakening below.

Ruby stretched her arms wide, as if conducting a grand orchestra towards its orgasmic culmination and spectacle finale.

Flames flickered to life around her hair, the phoenix pinion in her ruby strands gifting her with zeal and passion and warmth.

The high blade singer waved the rod towards the ceiling, and as Ruby remembered its purpose, she screamed once more her command.

“Show us your destiny!”

The dragon came to life and roared.

[Silence Sei]

“Turlin”

Winds whipped all around Emma’s audience, sending dresses and hair flying about. Though both Ruby Winchester and Cora’Linstra attempted to keep their modesty from the gale force magic, the roar of the beast seemed to leave Emma completely unaffected. She simply stood her ground, staring at the creature as it spoke the name of her school. She was to be a holy warrior; she was to be a Turlin.

It all started to come together in Emma’s head. The silent singing was and inheritance of sorts. Just as her father had taken up the nickname ‘Silence’ due to his being mute, so would Emma follow in his footsteps by being the silent Bladesinger. The girl turned back towards her compatriots, a revitalized feeling welling up within her. She bit her lower lip to keep from crying once more, this time tears of pure joy. She had not let down her sister; she had not let down Ruby Winchester.

Allowing her emotions to get the better of her, Emma leaped at her mentor, throwing her arms around her neck and holding her tight. The sudden embrace caused Ruby to tense, something Emma could feel in the older woman’s neck, but she quickly eased her stiffness and returned the embrace. As soon as the two stopped hugging, Emma focused her attention back to Cora’Linstra. Taking a hard swallow, the girl attempted to regain some of the prose she had just lost with that outburst.

“Miss Linstra,” she said, trying to find the words to describe how she felt, “This is something I have wanted to do my whole life. Now, it’s happening, and I think I know for sure what school I was destined to be in. I was meant to be a holy warrior, to fight the righteous fight. I think….I think I want to study the Turlin arts…..”

[Ruby]

Ruby could find only the energy to smile, exasperated by the dragon’s roar and the energy she had spent in reaching the shattered spires of the college. The weight on her shoulders lifted almost instantly the moment Emma spoke the name of the school that, according to tradition, would come to define her in the coming years.

Humans seldom had the opportunity, or indeed the longevity to ever master a second school. Mortality was not so restricting to elves of Thayne-born.

It was the sort of expression that came with quiet contentment, a hint of pride, and a lot of self-confessed enjoyment at being able to teach, to be understood, to be followed in example. The dragon’s roar, like the roar that called to her centuries ago, had touched Emma Orlougne like an instructing bark.

It reverberated like an echo in the spell singer’s mind, a thunderous applause tumultuous and resounding. Ruby wondered how Emma had perceived it, as each newcomer to the castle of the bards heard something entirely different, entirely unique, and eternally personal. She cocked her head skyward to say her silent thanks to the overseer whilst the high blade singer approached Emma.

Her work was done, as far as her promise to Emma had been concerned. Now there remained the small and thankless task of unravelling the mystery of the Phoenix & The Bard. What had she done in her past life to seal it’s pages shut, and what song was trapped in the chasms of her mind had she used to lock it?

“Emma Orlougne, daughter of Sei Orlougne, mystic, now Spellsinger.” Nalith spread her arms with a regal and silent movement. Like priestesses and angels throughout history, she bowed her head and tucked her knees, offering her reverence as a welcome to a new child of the ancient art of blade singing. She would have bowed, but her station wavered only so much even in times of celebration such as this. Ruby doubted the college had many new pupils through its doors of late that completed the rite of initiation so quickly.

Her word had been golden threads on a tapestry of connections, and she had not let Nalith down. Emma truly was a progeny, her progeny.

“Turlin…” the reality of the presence of the Cora’Linstra was indescribable, as she flowed forth, her silk gown glowed and charisma dripped from the prongs of her horns. “A powerful, honourable discipline.” She righted herself as she began to descend the small flight of stairs. Her satin slippers made no sound as they crossed the polished marble floor.

In truth, neither Ruby nor Nalith could ever know if the young woman’s choice was hers or the manifestation of the stars aligning, but a choice was made, and that choice was all that mattered. What remained now was a long, arduous tutelage under the venerable experience of however many of the teachers still remained to teach in the college. The corpse war had been just as damaging to the Bladesingers who had not taken the fight to Xem’Zund, he had pierced Raiaera’s heart so thoroughly, and no sanctuary could hide the proud song and blade of a high elf.

“The dragon has given his blessing, and thus, I formally welcome you to the embrace of Istien University. You are now an initiate and freshman of the Turlin school.” Nalith closed her arms like an eagle’s wings about its chick and settled them on Emma’s doting shoulders. A calming wave ran down the elf’s fingertips into the fabric of Emma’s attire.

“I…I don’t know what to say, I, thank you,” she hesitated, looked to Ruby, and tried to smile. “This is…”

“a proud moment for you I am sure,” Nalith smiled. The seriousness of her imposing presence faded, now that she had her doubts quashed. When a woman claiming to be Liana had come to the university, her heart had skipped a beat. She thought it a cruel trick, or a shade from the risen armies of the great necromancer comes to torment her. Her daughter, after all, had supposedly died long before either of the women before her had been born.

Or so she thought. There was magic older than Beinost in the Winchester woman’s soul, but the magic in Emma’s was even more mysterious. It was without a name, silent, pure, unaltered ether flowing through her veins. It was undecided, untested, and for now, untethered.

In Istien University, Emma Orlougne would find the power to tap that raw energy, and bring it to life with her voice.

“Now take your leave, you will find adequate quarters if you ask the steward. Your lectures begin in the morning, no time to celebrate if you are to keep that moment pure and vocal bright.” She pulled her hands back and they disappeared into the moon light folds of her robes. She paused for a moment, before giving Ruby an all knowing glare. “Mrs Winchester, please wait a moment, we have something to discuss.” She turned and rose to her throne.

[Silence Sei]

Emma looked to her mentor for a moment after her dismissal, and nodded. She did not know what the two older women had to discuss, but it seemed as though it was important, so it was best not to pry. The girl nodded to her new Head Mistress and took her leave through the room, quickly looking around in the next room for the steward. Seeing as there was only one person in the lobby, an apparently young looking elf sat behind a mahogany desk, Emma could only assume that this was her guide.

She approached the elf, taking note of the large book he was reading. Emma could not read the elven title despite the fact that Sei had been teaching her the language. Hoping that this young man did not speak only his native tongue, Emma let out a small (albeit, obviously fake) cough. The boys blue eyes raised up from his tome at this point, the azure orbs highlighted by the smoky silver hair and small bifocals across the bridge of his nose.

“Can I help you?” His voice was frail, feminine. Emma had not encountered anybody so soft spoken before. Even in her imagination, where she dreamed that her father could actually speak, the calm and cool demeanor of Sei Orlouge still carried a presence with it. This person sounded meek, though his eyes seemed to betray that assumed personality facet.

“I…I was told you could take me to my living quarters?” Emma’s voice sounded unsure. Though she had maintained a strong façade in front of Cora’Linstra, the teen’s knees were finally losing the adrenaline they previously carried, causing her knees to start shaking. Her whole body also started to produce small tremors as well, not unlike those of a junkie weaned off his drug of choice.

“Ah yes, Miss Orlouge. My name is Raolo Greenleaf.” The young man placed his book upon the desk and stood now, allowing his rather tall and slender frame to show its full height. He was easily six feet high, and his clothes seemed far too large for his lithe frame. He casually walked out from behind his desk and started heading towards the direction of the dormitories, Emma following without any instruction to do so.

At they walked, Emma reached into the inside of her dress, pulling out a picture of her family. She had made each member of her immediate clan to pose for the picture before she left, so she could remember their faces. Anita, who managed to always keep Emma’s room clean, as well as keep her on task. Kyla, who had saved Emma from certain death on more than one occasion. Sei, who had taken her in and started loving her with all of his heart. Finally, little Ella Orlouge, the reason for this journey. Emma could finally accept that she would become strong enough to protect her without Sei’s help.

She would not let her sister’s innocence fade into the battle hardened stare of a warrior. She could not let those beautiful green eyes of her baby sister become tainted with the sights of war. Ella Orlouge was perfect in every way, and if Emma had to become the warrior of the family, to take up the ‘Silence’ mantle for her kin, she would do so.

She would become ‘Silence’ Orlouge, if it meant she could save her sister’s purity.

[Ruby]

With her charge departed, Ruby turned to face the high blade singer. The matriarchal aura she had smothered herself in whilst in front of Emma Orlougne instantly vanished, replaced instead with reference and respect for the talent and power of the woman that stood before her.

“It has been many years since you walked these halls, in that body or another.”

Ruby bowed, thankful that her word had been taken as truth. She doubted she could ever deceive the high elf, even if she sand a thousand songs true to form. The curled horns, effluent attire and calming cogitation that surrounded her were all indicators that truth ran through the elf’s veins, as much as blood or song or spirit.

“Many years I have been lost without them,” the Spellsinger responded. She rose, rested her hands on her hips and waited expectantly.

Overhead, the dragon statue came to life for just long enough to coil back up to the roof and settle once more in a slumbering position. It swiftly turned back to stone, to remain dormant for a time unspecified. The Col’Niln, as it was known, came to life only when a new potential pupil to the Istien colleges stepped into the hall to drain a draft of the divination ambrosia. In the wake of the Corpse War, intake had declined dramatically. To be a blade singer for so long had meant a death sentence. Ruby hoped it would change in time, and that Emma Orlougne would not be the last.

“Why have you returned, Liana?” Nalith retreated up the few steps she had descended to present to Emma the vial, and sat in silence back atop her throne. She crossed her legs, right over left, and delicately suspended her palms over the throne’s arms. It was a seat crafted of bone and crystal, sung to life, no doubt, by one of the founding bards of the college millennia ago. It was as beautiful a thing as Ruby had ever seen.

“In all honesty, I hoped to find an answer to a question that has plagued me of late…for whatever reasons, my memories from my time here have,” she shrugged, “vacated my mind.”

“Reincarnation is a potent magic, I wager they are still there,” Nalith smiled, tapped here forehead, and then set her hands folded on her lap, “somewhere.”

“Of that I am sure,” Ruby bit her lip. Though usually calm, charismatic and well spoken, she was too nervous to be as regal as she might have liked. “I came here long ago to do two things, from what I do remember.” She reached into the front pouch of her dresses practical and well hidden handbag, and pulled out a small journal like tome. It had a red cover, and a golden clasp that housed no lock, but locked the pages tight.

“The Phoenix & the Bard…” Nalith whispered, trying to restrain her surprise. Ruby raised an eyebrow.

“The first was to find out what Liana did to seal the book…” she turned it over in her palm, no longer needing to climb the altar to show her superior the glowing text and phoenix sigil on the cover. “The second was to find out what is on the last pages…”

It took the blade singer several moments to pull her wits about her, her own composure and keen gaze undone by the presentation of a relic from her own past. Ruby tried to read her body language, but arrived at the conclusion that she was over reacting. Nalith rested a fingertip in an academic post of thought against her lip. She smacked them together to wet her rouge, and then smiled.

“Liana was well known for her talent with her blade, as much as she was for her mastery of the Lissilin School.” There was a suggestive weight behind Nalith’s statement, which caused Ruby to furrow her brow as she raced to work out what she was implying.

“Perhaps, in that school, you will find your answer?”

Ruby’s eyes widened, like stars burning bright in a dark, abyssal sky. She suddenly felt that beneath those stars, she could set the world ablaze.

“You cannot be taught, Ruby, you have mastered it all long ago. You can however teach, so be gone, teach, and through bringing glory to others, May you find glory in you.”

With that, Nalith clapped her hands and summoned her aides. Ruby staggered out of the hall, a world of possibility dropped on her all of a sudden. She stared at the phoenix on the cover of the book until she crossed the threshold and stepped into the corridor beyond.

“Lissilin…the school of healing…but who needs healing?”

That was the question lingering in her mind as she strolled with conviction to the dormanateries to find Emma.

[Revenant]

Plot - 10

Storytelling (4) – The two of you had an interesting premise for this story, it’s not every day that we get to read a thread that leaves behind all the raging combat to take a peek at a slice of everyday regular life, which is a nice change of pace. But while the premise of your story was intriguing, your execution fell short of the full potential of the idea you had created. Given that the college you were writing was one dedicated to various forms of musical magic, I would have liked to have seen more unique detail put into the college. When reading about Emma’s school house selection by the dragon in the headmistress’ office, all I could think about was the Harry Potter series. You already had put something interesting and personal in the selection process with the vial of music and the mirror and I believe the addition of the dragon yelling a house name only dulled the experience. And the sad part is that was the most detailed portion of the thread, everything else that would have made this thread excellent was glossed over.
Setting (3) – The first post dumped the initial scene in one go, but the descriptions were never used again, and since the majority of the thread took place in the headmistresses office, the first bit of information seemed like a buildup for no reason. After that, a good majority of the thread you you’re your characters having almost no interaction with anything outside of themselves. I get no sense that this is a school other than mention of a dormitory, tutors, and that Nalith was a headmistress. There are plenty of reference materials out with regards to what life at advanced schools if like, incorporating some of that would have given a much better feel than just mentioning that where they are is a school.

Pacing (3) – You start the thread arriving at the school, then in the span of that same thread go through two weeks of initiation, classes, and training in the span of three short paragraphs before moving into Nalith’s office. It was incredibly rushed and left little room for detail. If the first post was too quick though, the next several are the exact opposite. Emma and Ruby trade posts back and forth at an incredibly slow pace. The pace of the first post makes the rest of the thread crawl by. I would suggest drawing the thread out more, fleshing out the intro more so that the rest of it didn’t have to feel so drawn out.

Character - 11

Communication (4) –Nalith’s dialogue doesn’t really have any character to it, even when she is speaking alone with Ruby. The way she is written feels like she was added as nothing more than a signpost directing the characters. I felt little in the way of camaraderie from how Rudy and Emma spoke to each other, and the lines of dialogue had rigidness to them that regular conversations don’t have. To help, take some time to read over your lines out loud and see if they sound natural or forced.

Action (3) – Nothing in the thread jumped out to grab my attention. As a school training thread I don’t necessarily expect raging battle, but that shouldn’t stop the characters from having some sort of conflict to confront. The most that you have in this thread is that Emma seems to have singer’s block for a post. There are scenes that you mention, singing an aria that makes the stars shine bright, sundering rock, slicing fruit, and saving a tutor from a collapsing wall, that would have helped you out in this category but you simply throw them out with no buildup and then move on. I would like to have had those things further expounded upon.

Persona (4) – Since Emma is an NPC, I have no character profile to use for her, and the only mention I can find of her on your profile Sei is that she is your daughter. Without any sense of whom the character was, I found this thread did very little in the way of giving me a sense of who she was. You mentioned your reasoning for wanting to become a bard, to protect your sibling, but that’s the only bit of Emma’s personality that comes through. I also have to question why Ruby, a seasoned veteran, would be so happy to go through all the basic training courses that she has already mastered. As a respected bardic practitioner, why would the tutors allow her to continue as such? I assume it’s because Ruby wanted to be there to aid Emma, but she could have been there for Emma without having to take a direct hand in it while pursuing activities of her own.

Prose - 18

Mechanics (7) – I noticed several word confusions, misspelled words, and improper grammar. Aside from these few minor errors there was little to bring your score down any further.

Clarity (6) – I understood everything in the thread fairly well though there were several awkward places in the thread that I had to go over and reread to understand exactly who/what/where was going on. In particular Nalith says a line “Usually, in peace time we would begin to consider you for more specialised tutelage in one of the disciplines of blade singing. There are many schools, much like a wizard’s art and many voices to be found calling in the back of one’s throat.” I’m confused. Aren’t they in peacetime right now and isn’t that exactly what is happening in the thread? Why would she say “usually”? These minor issues are the only things that are keeping you from getting a higher score here.

Technique (5) – You both have a good grasp of the basics in this area. This thread was so condensed though that there was nothing that reached out to keep the reader engaged. Try to use your words to draw readers in, something to keep them coming back post after post. Your dialogue when entering the headmistress’ office showed that your characters didn’t know why they were being called in. Play up that angle, building on the character’s paranoia that they’ve done something wrong. Or perhaps you could have shown Emma’s building aptitude for several different of the school’s houses, keeping the reader guessing where exactly she would be assigned.

Wildcard (2) – I felt that this thread was too rushed and predictable. It was not something that I would want to reread or suggest to anyone else, and it does not leave me with a desire to read the further adventures of Ruby and Emma.

Total: 41

Ruby Winchester gets 415 exp and 40 gp.
Silence Sei gets 330 exp and 15 gp.

[Letho]

EXP/GP added.