Tempted

[Play Back]

My name is Play Back, and I am the official psychologist of the Ixian Knights. I am quite young and through various encounters with several members of this army, I fancy myself a professional in my field. I have seen into the inner workings of Sei Orlouge, his adoptive daughter Kyla, Zerith Dracosius, and several other people, which has granted me an insight of what to expect when someone walks into my office.

I can honestly say that out of all the people to walk in and sit down across from me, Aimer Haine Rogers was one of the people at the bottom of my list. Aimer is an average human male, nearly six feet tall and of normal weight, he seemed pretty content in his job as a daycare worker for the Knights. Likewise, it seemed that his clients, or rather the parents of his clients, enjoyed the way he treated their kids. I never heard how this man got the job, and personally had not cared until today.

He sat on a red couch I had just received in from our latest shipments from Serenti, a hand scratching the back of his head as if he thought he didn’t know what he was doing here. His nostrils flared up a little, a gesture almost everyone does once they’re in my cinnamon scented office for a bit. Behind him, the door with both my name and job listed on a glass window ensured nobody would disturb us. The Ixian Knights had more decency than to just barge in during a session.

“So Aimer,” I said, placing my feet at my large mahogany desk and pushing back, causing my leather rolling chair to ease backwards, “I have to say, seeing you here today. Well, you’re not exactly a warrior, and you seem to have a normal life. I don’t understand why exactly why you’re here, to be honest.” I adjusted the black mask over my face, watching my patient’s eyes dart across the room to look at various things. He was certainly not subtle at showing that this was his first time in my office.

“Was….was that a question?” Aimer seemed almost stunned that I was so casual in my approach. Something I had learned while living in this large castle was that one could not be too proper sounding when talking to one’s patients. It seemed to close people’s minds and hearts rather than open them up. I dropped my feet from my desk, the black boots softly landing on the green carpet below. I nodded as I scooted myself back up, lacing my fingers together and lacing my thumbs against one another as if I was playing a thumb war with myself.

“Yes, well, ah…” I noticed the man’s cheeks turning red, small beads of sweat starting to form around his forehead. I always had an astute eye when it came to little details like this, especially once I was used to the environment surrounding me. Aimer was nervous about something, or maybe embarrassed? Whatever it was, I needed to let him know that his secrets were indeed confidential.

“You can trust me,” I smiled, though mentally I hated how much like a little kid I sounded. I stood up now, walking over to my patient. Just at the head of Aimer’s couch was a similarly crimson looking chair, the chair I tended to sit at when my clients required somebody to be close to them. I placed my butt in the seat, a smile on my face hiding beneath my cowl. Though Aimer could not physically see my features, I think he sort of ‘felt’ my trying to comfort him. His cheeks became a little less red, his right hand moving to be placed over his left, rubbing the back of the later with the four fingers on the former.

“Thanks,” he spoke, still not making direct eye contact with me, “the truth of the matter is, well. There’s this girl, see. I’ve been talking to her for quite a while now. We have this friendship of sorts, and she really helped me out of a tough situation a little while back. I think she’s absolutely amazing, and I feed her compliments left and right. I’m thinking I may be in love with her.”

My smile broadened, my hands slapping against my knees jovially. While I had loved only two girls in my life, I could see now that Aimer was suffering from the conditions of a man who wanted a meaningful relationship. A small laugh escaped from me, which seemed to bring a slight smile to Aimer’s worried face. “Well, that’s fantastic Aimer! I’m glad Sei did something right with this stupid army! Wow, in love, huh? Well, my advice is that you tell this girl how you feel, and immediately. The worst she can do is reject you.”

Aimer’s naturally pale skin grew pearl white at my words, his head shaking back and forth quickly. His cheeks had grown red again. It –was- embarrassment that was keeping this man from professing his desires! “No, no no! I simply can not do that! Under no circumstances can I tell her how I truly feel!”

I leaned in, my eyebrows quirked from behind my mask now. I placed my hands within one another and moved my chin on top of it. “Why? What’s so wrong about that?”

Aimer’s eye’s looked at me, and I could finally see the tears that filled his azure orbs. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before he spoke again. I brought my hand over to his, temporarily stopping the nervous rubbing from his fingers. He took another sigh, a heavy swallow, and then seemed able to speak once more.

“Because she’s married to another man…”

[Aimer Haine Rogers]

“Oh…”

That was the only reply I got from my alleged psychologist. Apparently my confession seemed to shock him a little. While I felt bad for putting my ‘doctor’ at a loss for words, it still did not help the way I felt. I never imagined myself to be one of those people who would just needlessly flirt with girls, let alone married girls.

But there I was, it had been weeks and me and my secret crush had been exchanging letters, even holding hour long conversations. As far as her husband knew she was just talking with a friend, the man who watched their two kids at daycare. Yet, after the unfortunate event that had led me in this direction, into seeking her advice, I found myself growing more dependent upon her.

“Well then,” Play Back finally spoke, sitting back in his chair and stroking some facial hair that I could only imagine was beneath that black mask of his, “that makes things a little more complicated, doesn’t it? This is something that you should think about before acting on, Aimer. It’s also something I’m going to have to look into in order to help you…” The boy-like charm in his words seemed to have all but disappeared. He was conflicted, just as I was. What do you say to a man who announced his intentions of possibly breaking up a marriage?

I nodded and stood up, Play Back’s head looking up. I could feel his eyes following me as I walked out of the room. “Aimer,” Play Back spoke before I closed the door to his office, “don’t do anything rash yet. I’m going to suggest a night or two off for you, in order to clear your head about this. Maybe some time away from this mystery girl of yours will help you figure out what you truly want.”

I closed the door, as well as my eyes. I didn’t want to clear my head where she was involved. I wanted to keep talking to her, keep writing my heartfelt, albeit sappy, little compliments to her. She had told me once that her husband had been given full disclosure of our conversations. How in the hell was I still alive, with him knowing that information? This man must have had patience, or truly loved her in order to take such things with a grain of salt.

I know if the roles were reversed, I could not do it. I would cry, ask her to not talk to her adulterating suitor, and do everything in my power to show her that I still cared for her. Had he done something wrong to make her seek me out, to wish to be soured with the sweet things I told her? I didn’t know, and I wasn’t sure I cared. Her husband, as far as I was concerned, must have been spineless to not do something at such dire times.

I began to walk through the halls of Ixian Castle, nodding politely to anybody who passed my way. Everything seemed to remind me of her, however; a certain individual who would make me think of some bad joke to tell her, a song that I had sung to her because it reminded me of her. Everything seemed to have the magnificent scent of her hair, every stone in the wall possessed some story I wanted to share with her. I surely could not stay here tonight; even my bed and desk would remind me of her. I had written inappropriate things, done inappropriate things in that room.

Perhaps Play Back was right, maybe a couple of days away were what I needed, and what better time than now? I had not even realized how much time had passed while engrossed in my thoughts. My body had already carried me outside of the safety of the castle walls, and straight down the road towards Underwood. I couldn’t stop thinking about this infatuation, but perhaps I could drink it away for at least one night.

[Aimer Haine Rogers]

Underwood was well on its way to being rebuilt, that was for sure. The first thing that the town had built back up after the Imperial Raid was a hotel. It made sense, the people on the construction teams needed a place to sleep after all. The next thing to be brought back to its former glory was one of the pubs. I suppose after a hard days work, unwinding with some alcohol seemed to be a logical step.

I had just entered the tavern, Underwood Eternal as it was called. It was a message to the Rangers and the Empire that no matter what happened, Underwood would come back. Take our homes, take our lives, but never take our spirit, as it were. The bar itself was definitely not what I had expected. Clean, pristine counter tops of marble, an organized selection of spirits and beers arranged by price lay behind the bartender. The glasses were spotless, the tables a solid oak brown, even the patrons of the bar seemed more civilized than previous establishments I had went to.

I walked over to the bar; taking notice of the black cushion on their oak stools, and sat down. There was only one other person at the bar, sitting beside me and nursing a bottle of Alerar Ale. I had heard that that particular drink was quite strong, but this man kept downing it every few seconds like it had no effect on him. He must have had a stomach and liver of iron. I turned to the barkeep, smiling as I placed my hand on the counter and raised a finger up. I had spent too much time with the kids, the whole ‘raise your hand’ rule was spilling into my adult life, it seemed.

Oh Thaynes, the kids. She had kids. While I played with them during work, showered them with as much affection as any other child, but I never really thought about them in the life I had imagined for us. I talked of running away with her, but what would happen to her kids? Would their father take custody of them, or would she bring them with her? Was I even ready to commit to having children of my own? I placed my unraised hand on my forehead, my eyes wide as I began to open my mind more on the subject. Life was not always a fairy tale, and you had to take the good with the bad.

“Hey Brah,” a voice came from beside me, “I’m gonna go ahead and pay for whatever the brah beside me is having.” My head turned to the man with the Alerar Ale. He turned to me, I could see his eyes reflected a kind of sea green one only notices when looking at the clear ocean. He was around my height, and looked about my build, but was slightly more slumped over than I would ever find myself to be. My parents taught me better than that, they also taught me manners.

“You don’t have to do that, sir,” I said, reaching towards my pocket to pull out some GP. My hand was quickly grabbed by the drinking man, a smile upon his face. There was a genuine fear in my eyes when I looked into his calming features. His face had a sort of angelic tinge of color, and while nothing about the man seemed very threatening, I was honestly quite intimidated by the way he was now holding my wrist.

“Nah, Brah,” he said, removing his hand and looking to the barkeep with a nod, “My tab, my man. It’s the least I can do. You’re the first person who’s sat beside me all day. All evening too, for that matter.” His words reminded me that it was indeed night time. It took about an hour to get from Ixian Castle to Underwood, and the sun had already begun to set during my talk with Play Back. How long had this guy been drowning whatever sorrows he had? Furthermore, why did he still come off to me as sober?

“Name’s Lawrence, but people call me Law,” he spoke, extending his hand in good faith. I tensed my body for just a moment at the gesture, instinctively thinking he was going for another grab. Once I could verify that he would not be assaulting me, I took his hand in mind, and smiled as we shook. I turned back to the bar, noticing my index finger had still been pointed up, and quickly retracted it back into my hand. A slight laugh escaped from both myself and Law at the motion.

“A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Law. I’m called Aimer. I work for---“ My words were cut off as a small glass was placed in front of me, three cubes of ice and a slightly yellow hued liquid filling the top. I wrapped my fingers around the glass, bringing it first to my nose for a smell. Just the scent of the thing stung at my nostrils, clearly the stinkiest thing I had come across in the tavern. I brought the glass to my lips and took a sip, the liquid within the container burning from my throat all the way into the pit of my stomach.

“With all due respect, Brah, I don’t care who you work for. I just need a drinking buddy tonight. My man at the bar knows I start people off with a glass of Underwood Scotch. It’s some easy stuff, but it’ll drown any worries you have.” I glanced over to Law and shook my glass, the ice rattling against the crystal. By drinking tonight, I could at least temporarily get my girl off of my mind, and then I would not have to think about her kids. I could be in my fairy tale world for at least one more night.

“Know what?” I asked to nobody in particular. My grip tightened around the glass, my head tilted back and I pressed the drink to my lips, taking big, deep swallows as I turned the scotch higher and higher, until all that remained was the ice. My insides as well as my throat were on fire, but I still managed to slam the glass down, the three cubes nearly jumping out of the glass as a result. “I’m in. Let’s get another drink in me.”

((Bunnying of Law approved))

[Move Along Move Along]

Law watched his new acquaintance down the scotch as if he had a chip on his shoulder. Then again, they were in a bar, so everybody had a chip on their shoulder. This was the one place besides fraternity houses in Raiaera, Dwarven villages in Alerar, the middle of nowhere in Salvar, or anywhere in Fallien that a person could drown their worries away at the bottom of a bottle. Of course, there was a draw back to buying drinks for people who had stories to tell…

The more drinks you bought, the more they wanted to tell their story.

Law half listened to Aimer’s tale with each drink the man consumed. Something about being in love with someone’s wife, kids, the Ixian Knights, Law particularly did not care. The man actually found it amusing each time that Aimer would slur his wording on a particular sentence, realize his folly, and then repeat the sentence even –more- slurred than before. Needless to say, within a couple of hours, the Ixian Knight was totally hammered out of his mind.

Law looked to his friend with a wry grin. Aimer was pretty much hanging onto the counter top at this point, raising his hand as he had originally done in order to get himself another drink. As another glass of scotch was slid down the table like a little kid down a stair banister, Law placed his hand between the projectile and its intended target. “I think it’s about time we cut you off, Brah.”

Aimer raised his head from the bar for just a moment, quirking an eyebrow and then dropping back down on the wood. Law had come across a lot of drinking partners, but Aimer was definitely one who could almost keep up with the professional drinker. Of course, Law himself was not anywhere near as wasted as he had wanted to be. He tipped the top of his Alerar Ale towards Aimer, pursing his lips and drinking the half-full bottle until it was completely empty.

“Truth of the matter is, Brah,” Law wiped away any residual liquid with his brown shirt sleeve, “you sound like you’re in some bard’s tragic tale. You can’t make her love you, and if her marriage is shaky, she’ll come to you. Guess what I’m saying is, you gotta just wait. If she approaches you, fine, happy endings all around.” He grabbed Aimer’s drink, finishing it off before the young man had a chance to fight his temporary buddy for it.

“If she doesn’t though, ain’t the end of the world, ya dig? There are plenty of emotional train wrecks out there lookin’ for a nice guy to cry to. Those unattached philly’s might night seem like your favorite choice right now, but believe me, you might not like whatcha get if you pursue her.” Law jumped off of his stool, walking over to Aimer and placing the drunken man’s arm over his shoulder. Aimer’s head bobbed up and down, his clothes and breath smelling of rancid alcohol.

“Where’ya taki….wheresh aresh….Thayne damnitsh, WHERE…AM…I...GOING?!” Aimer’s yelling drew the attention of the few bar flies that remained in the tavern, heads turned quickly followed by small laughs at the kid who couldn’t handle his liquor.

“You’re spending the night at my place, Brah,” Law pushed open the door to Underwood Eternal with one hand, nearly having to drag Aimer out as he did so. It felt like dragging a ten pound sack of wet flower with only one finger and a thumb. Not to mention that the smell was enough to make most people gag. Thank the Thayne that Lawrence was no ordinary person, granted with the gift of unnatural alcohol tolerance in every sense of the word.

“Don’t worry Aimer, we’ll take good care of you, Brah.”

[Play Back]

This ungodly hour was typically a time where I found myself snuggled into my bed, dreams of whatever floating through my head. However, after my discussion with Aimer, I found myself not only awake, but with an ocean of papers scattered all across my office. Aimer had never told me who this mystery girl of his was, but I would be damned if my curiosity had not gotten the better of me.

The details he had given me helped a lot; being married, it struck out obvious choices for love like Kyla Orlouge or Tobias Greenleaf. With the way he had described his infatuation with her, he must have spent a decent amount of time with her, which hinted at a mother, a fellow daycare worker, or both. There were very few women who left their children actually at the daycare rather than in their own bunkers, so that eliminated at least a quarter of my list.

Yet I was no closer to finding this girl than I had started, over six hours ago.

I opened the bottom drawer to my filing cabinet, a black metal tower that sat behind my desk, various titles printed clearly on the white slips of paper to remind me of what each drawer held. My fingers ran through each file in the ‘Non-Patient’ drawer carefully, my mind running through each person in question before continuing on. I bit my lip, almost ready to give up all hope, when my eyes rested on a single name towards the front of the drawer.

My eyes widened, I was so stunned I took my mask off, allowing it to fall to the floor of white and sending several papers gliding through the air. “Thayne’s Aimer, you’ve got to be kidding me. Not her. Anybody but her. Are you fucking insane?!”

I picked up the file and read through it, making sure to pay attention to each minute detail. Absolutely everything fit the bill; married, with kids, spent a decent amount of time at the daycare. Everything was perfect. This woman’s husband would have surely ended the life of Aimer if he were to ever find out about this relationship that my patient seemed to think existed. I took a deep breath, contemplating what my next move was.

I turned around and threw the file labeled ‘Princess Jasmine Dracosius’ onto the ground and ran to find my friend. I just hoped I could find him before Zerith Dracosius did…

[Aimer Haine Rogers]

I couldn’t tell whether the queasiness in my stomach came from my guilt, the booze, or both. All I knew was that I had found a sort of sanctuary in Lawrence Spades’ bathroom, my head inside of his toilet, the tips of my hair nearly dipped in the water within. I had spent over thirty minutes throwing up. It would not have been so bad if I had not thrown up all the alcohol in my system about half way through the ‘adventure’. Now, I found myself hacking, wheezing, and tempted to stick my fingers down my throat in an attempt to rid myself of my own bile.

My throat, naturally, felt like it was on fire, but in a different way now. The pine scent of the bathroom did nothing but upset my stomach even more, causing occasional spats of dry-heaving into the porcelain bowl once more.

How much did I drink? I thought to myself, though each individual word brought with it the wrath of an invisible hammer slamming against the inside of my temples. This little endeavor with Lawrence had taught me one thing; I should never go along with peer pressure ever again. What other people thought I should do, and what they wanted me to do were things that should be treated differently from what Iwanted to do, and what I actually did.

The epiphany that came with these thoughts caused a massive throbbing in my head. I should not have been concerned with what other people, or even society, thought of me for my actions. All that mattered was what I thought of myself. The idea of me conforming to the standards of culture reminded me of my parents. The very thought of those people sent me hurling into the yellow waters of the toilet once more, though this had less to do with being hung over and more to do with shame.

My parents had been married for as long as I can remember, they had stuck together through thick and thin. Every fight was resolved, every harsh word forgiven, every misdeed absolved, but there always seemed to be something missing. Even as a young child, I could remember the way that my mother and father never gave one another the time of day, often doing their own things through the house while ignoring their supposed ‘significant other’. The thing my parents were missing from their relationship was love. Despite having several kids, my parents never genuinely loved each other. Their children were the only reason they stayed together.

That was no way to build a loving family, and maybe that’s why I was as messed up as I was.

I was infatuated with a married woman, but was she in a loving relationship? Were her husband’s apathetic feelings towards her driving her towards me? I was never around to notice the dynamic in their home; did she wash the dishes while he dried? Did he have his feet messaged willingly by her after a hard day’s work? Did they take their children to go do fun activities? I was throwing myself into this whirlpool of questions, which made a similar whirlpool in my gut.

Thayne’s, kill me now…

The sound of three knocks upon Lawrence’s door made me rub the sides of my head. Who decided to rasp upon the door with a sledgehammer? I looked up from the center of my pearl white sanctuary. “Law, are you going to get that….?”

No answer.

“Law….?” I asked to the air, an unwelcomed silence being my reply. Three more knocks prompted me to push myself up from the toilet, wipe away some dangling salvia with my sleeve, and stumble towards his door. My head was still too fuzzy to notice anything besides the brown door where all of the loud knocks kept coming from. I tried to focus my energies at finding the door knob, placing my hands around it, and pulling the door open.

The last thing I remembered was the fist as it slammed into my face.