Multi-Battle Judgments!

[Enigmatic Immortal]

Do to the nature of the Multi-Battle, i'll post everyone's Judgment at once.

For now please be patient, we are waiting on one last judgment, once it is in, i'll post everyones judgment at once.

[Enigmatic Immortal]

All Multi-battles will be done in a condensed Rubric. There were 10 of these. I'm not doing full rubric full commentary for you. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

- A note: There were three judges who worked on all these Judgments for the war. There was two words commonly tossed around and used. That was the word Power Gaming. As all of you are advanced writers, I was stunned to see so many of you on both sides Power Gaming. It's inappropriate and completely hurt the clarity of a lot of scores as well as characters when we as judges have to stop to think to ourselves how in the hell a character avoided that attack or situation.

Also, both sides contacted me about the same issue. I am here to make the following statement: per the rules for 3.0, a level 0 DOES NOT MEAN THEY WILL BEND OVER to a level 7 and 15. Nor should it mean a level 4 or 7 ignore everything a level 0 is capable of doing! A level 0 can indeed stand up to a higher level, it's the tricks that the higher levels have that makes it harder for a level 0 to avoid them. The abilities many players had however never gave me reasons that everyone should have magically avoided attacks. If you all think this is how it works, why bother battling?

Multi-Battle Assessment

Dirks

Story: (15) Overall, not bad, but not great either. This is mostly in part due to the fact that you had Dirks go through a proverbial gauntlet of story ideas. At one moment, he wants to kill Sei, then he wants to help him, then he wants to date his daughter, then he wants to fight for the Ixian Knights....all over the place here. It was confusing to follow what exactly your story was, as well as the overall telling of the greater story done by ten participants. Also, your setting needs work as you touch upon it, and then almost forgot about it some posts. Consistency will help this score up.

Character: (15) The shining star here was your communications with the other players. Very in tune with who Dirks was, as well the bunnying you did in the interim. However Dirks had rust and it showed in your writing. You seemed to get a better grip on him towards the end, but he didn't shine enough for this score to get higher. Action was a plenty, but there were instances of power gaming that hurt you. Much like everyone else, you wrote taking hits, but your follow up actions did not reflect taking such a hit. Towards the end, you rectified this, so the penalty wasn't as severe.

Prose: (19) Mechanically sound, and Clarity wasn't too hard to understand save a few actions that needed a triple take, but otherwise you bombed in technique. Your writing was very choppy, Dirks, and also very basic. You have the skills to do more advanced techniques, i know you do, and this could mostly be attributed to the fact your writing after how long a hiatus? An example of your writing is as follows.

"Dirks went to the store with his pattened twin barrettas. Dirks found the milk he was looking for without problem. Turning to leave and pay for his milk, Dirks found someone stepping up behind him in the mirror of the isle. Dirks pulled out his pistols and went blam blam, patow patow, bang! Dirk's foe was dead, bleeding like a leaky faucet."

Find various ways to mix it up and that will help your score as well as branching out and trying new things.

Wildcard: The rust of not writing as well as the awkwardness in wanting Sei dead, then asking if its cool to date his daughter hurt, but the posts you did overall weren’t terrible. Also, the point of power gaming hurt you a bit. (5)

Total: 54/100

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Poison

Story (9) I got nothing from Poison. No motive, no setting that wasn't already covered, nothing that made her stand out as a player on the board. You have ideas with Poison, but you need more time working them out and making them work. I would mention your nonexistant setting in details, but honestly I know you know what you could have done better. That's what hurt you the most.


Character (9) Your communication within the thread was very out of place with the pacing of the group, and what actions you did was the pinnacle of power gaming. I hate to break this to you, but you're one of the worst offenders here. I had trouble thinking how it was possible for Poison to escape unscathed.

Prose (21) Well, this score is pretty high compared to the others, and that's mostly because mechanically you were sound, and clarity I had no issues understanding. This is because you did nothing to branch out and attempt to grow. You had basic techniques you used and while it will always make mechanics sound and clarity easy, the technique category will always drag you down in score.

Wildcard - What hurt you the most was the fact that I know you are better than this. I know you can write better, cleaner posts, and I know you could have applied yourself more. I don't know the personal things going on in your life, but a tournament or a competition requires a bit more out of every writer to succeed. I'm not saying you are needing to grow into this. I'm saying you should have been doing it all along. (2)

Total - 41

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Amber Eyes

Story (19) It took about a post or two to get your barings in this nightmare of a battle, but once you hooked in you were on the go. Your pacing was steady, and could be improved only by more expierence. You already are doing better. I also love the story Kyla told here, which was very believable to who she was as well as the events unfolding in the battle surrounding you. But with all that praise I do need to remind you that setting is still being shoved to the side. Pull it in more to your writing, especially when describing action, and bam! Higher score.

Character (22) Strong action and a great grasp on Kyla's character here, with only a few out of place tid bits of dialouge. Your score will get into the higher escalons by incorporating....wait for it....Setting. This is in relation to action and clarity. You can give great discriptors to make the already high octane action you give flow well. Also, a point of pride for you, as you were one of the few Non-Power Gamers.

Prose (20) Average mechanics, which you've been alerted to in Duffy's judgments in your other threads. No need to hammer home there. Technique is much like everyone else, rather bland and basic. Vary your techniques up. However, your clarity, despite the number of actions was very spot on. I never had to go back and re-read. Well done. Only Cinderella Man had a better go.

Wildcard - Kyla's conclusion was a powerful character boost, and the fact you didn't power game helped keep your scores where they belong. You're geting better as a writer, but now you need to focus on using more advanced techniques and not forgetting such easy no brainers like Setting. You did very well for yourself in this return to Althanas battle, be proud. (7)

Total - 68
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Cinderella Man

Story (21) For the most part I have no words to tell you how to improve, the very nature of the battle, plus Logan's dissapearence was what hurt your pacing a bit, but the angle of Victor's perspective was rather nice and unique to the rest of the events going on.

Character (24) Out of everyone's stories, you did have the clearest understanding of who your character was, where he's been, how it's shaped him, and why he made the choices he's made. Mostly, the light posting due to the confusion of the pacing lowered some of the scores. A few areas of communication also helped boost your score, as Victor seems soft spoken, but carries a big gun.

Prose: (26) Very few punctuation/mispellings that nobody usually catches until after the thread is closed, but they are there. Use the finest comb you have when proof reading. Advanced techiniques, perfectly executed, and your best going trait was the clarity in this thread.

Wildcard - As per the course, you have a strong, solid grasp on your writing, but you don't write nearly as much as you should be. Stop being old man vet and write more. I like Victor a lot, and would like to see him battling a bit more with some of the other character's on the site. *cough*Jensen*cough* (6)

Total - 77

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Silence Sei

Story (18) You got a bit of good things going here with the father angle, as well as the meeting an old friend and dealing with people all coming for your head, but I never got a great explanation for why this war was called. Trust me, I know why you did it, but being the leader of this war, I had thought you'd focus more on that. Sei, your weakness here is not that though, it's your setting. By level 15 i thought you'd know by now, but take this to heart - "Setting isn't just describing the sun and things around, but also how you interact with them." Your pacing, like most people in the battle, were also suffering.

Character (18) I got a good depth of the inner Sei, and one of the things I really liked seeing sir was that as prodigous and mighty as Sei is, he's not impossible to crack. Your strongest writing was towards the end, where Sei wasn't Mr. Magnificent but a warrior who was bloodied, battered and bruised and looking for a way to protect his daughter and his friend. However, that was the end, but the beginning was a bit too scattered with all the different events going. Great action, as usually you excell in, and your communication was pretty down the middle and not bad, but not great. You can improve this by getting more in touch with the Sei at the end, where his emotions played a stronger part of the writing.

Prose (20) Not the worst, but not the best I have seen you write. Your techinique is getting better the more involved Sei gets, look at the first few posts, before you went to the City Hall, and the after. There's a distinct difference. Mechanics wise, solid, but a few errors did creep into your posts. Not a bad start. Clarity was the hardest hit to you. I had to speak your actions aloud just to make sure they made sense. Little more time describing the actions, and make sure you keep it simple.

Wildcard - The only reservation I have is the way you handled Sei flying around and still battaling. The descriptions you gave me, as well as his actions with the multitude of wounds was not believable. Also, your doppleganger, for future reference, should probably be clearly listed as to what exactly he can and cannot do (Though you lost NO points for it.)

I did find something particularly amusing. Dirks commented that his bullets could go through Mystic Protection. So when Sei casted the Mystic Protection on Dirks all I could think of was Victor blasting him a new one. It was funny. (5)

Total - 61

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Lionheart

Story (19) I got a good idea of the scene you set, which was a bonus considering how little I got from other writer's. However, much like Sei, though I knew why you were fighting, I never got the passion for why he was fighting in the war. Also, your memories of training, while helped emote your character, tended to shy points away in terms of pacing.

Character (18) You had a strong build with the flashbacks for your character, however when not in these flashbacks, your character began to lose out on personality. These were minor infractions; however I do have to note that the injuries you took as well as the actions you performed were not in line with what trauma you took. However, there wasn't too much out of line so you didn't lose a lot there.

Prose (21) You had very few errors with spelling and very few hiccups with clarity, the only instances being the flashbacks and transition back to battle that caused any confusion. As for your technique, it was very well executed, but to improve I’d suggest really going all out and trying to explore even more avenues. Solidly done.

Wildcard – James is a unique character on Althanas, as he is one of the few who I can feel that knightly/paladin like aura around him. He’s a strong character with ideals, and I can see that in him. I want to see him do more however, explore more of his personality so he doesn’t come off flat. Breathing new life will make James soar into higher points, and you may be surprised what deeds he’ll do. (5)

Total – 63

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Zach Blaze

Story (17) I didn’t get much of Zach in this battle. His reasons for being in the war were not really clear to me as a reader. Your setting was pretty much a back drop of what was going on, but you did well with your pacing, which helped boost this score up. Try not to lose focus of the big questions. Where: Setting. Why: Plot When: Pacing. You need all three to tell a good story.

Character (18) As far as communication went, I have to say I didn’t really like Zach. In fact his character as a hole was a little too immature for my tastes. Don’t get me wrong though, that served you well. If you can evoke a strong reaction from the reader, be it good or bad, then you did your job. You didn’t want me to like Zach, and you did just that. I’d suggest taking his antics and maturing them a little more too really hit the higher levels. Action was what hurt you.

Prose (19) Not so many errors mechanically, but they were there. Missed punctuation also hurt you. It was your technique. For a battle you need to take advantage of every literary tool at your disposal, and Zach seemed to be a bit sidelined to the greater story with Sei going. I’m not saying you sabatoged the enemy, but Zach, like many, had a very basic outline in technique. He’s a new character, so don’t be afraid to branch out and find that niche that makes Zach unique.

Wildcard – Zach didn’t get to do much in this battle I’m afraid, but the times he was involved were an interesting look into his life. Sadly, I didn’t get too much from him. Spend some time determining his goals, and how he can achieve them in each thread. He’s a manipulator and a con; I would have loved to see him convince Bellatore that the Ixian Knights were the real enemy or some other devious shenanigans. He has potential to grow, and I’d love to see you do that. (4)

Total - 58

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Homunculus

Story (19) Draug’s story through this battle was interesting, as you gave the reasons for his being there, and the motivation behind it. I was interested to see how he played out towards the middle and end, but I do have to say the beginning took him a long time to get his Barings so that hurt his pacing. The angle Draug has with the cult is rather fresh and helped separate him out in the sea of madness.

Character (20) Draug’s character was rather well portrayed in this war, with the colorful use of his thoughts towards the dark Mother, to his hunting instincts as a bestial warrior. When he did speak, it spoke in a profound manner and his actions were very much in line with his unique physiology. Though a lot of concern over this war was with Power Gaming, I had to look and see your profile and recent purchases to determine just what you could get away with. While all in line with his abilities, he seemed a bit godly towards the end when he escaped the octopus garden Sei cast on him that tangled him, not to mention a mystic bomb going off right by him. However, your actions were never geared towards attacking another player, so the Power Gaming concern was minimal. Try to remember that with all the stuff flying around, blowing up, burning up, shooting up, and cutting up not to forget that Stamina will play a vital role. There was really only one instance I was concerned to Draug’s actions, but again, it was minimal, so only a point or two were docked.

Prose (19) Some mistakes here and there, but nothing overtly concerning, and good techniques helped push your score higher. Clarity was where I had the biggest trouble. Your actions and abilities were hard to follow at times what exactly was going on, and it was harder still to follow them even when spoken aloud. When it comes to complexity in writing action, remember to simmer it down to more basic descriptions, and bring other complex writing techniques in describing the world around them through setting. This way, you don’t lose the technique, nor the action, but it’s still clear and concise.

Wildcard – I like the direction Draug is taking. He’s growing into a very formidable foe in the Althanas universe and is becoming infamous with the Ixian Knights. The ending with Kyla was brilliant and a well done story hook. Good job to you and the team work from both sides in doing it. Though remember, Draug may be a walking tank, tanks need a breather. (6)

Total – 64

The following Team Members have been disqualified for Posting Delays and minimal contributions to the War:

Bellatore Magus
Logan

The Following Members of the war advance!
Cinderella Man – 77
Amber Eyes – 68
Homunculus – 64
Lionheart – 63
Silence Sei - 61