Brains Versus Brawn (Closed to Zephyriah)

[Camella]

Camella was wandering around Raiaera wondering how she would get enough money to survive. She was never going to make a living with the miniscule amount of money that she was getting from her bounties as of late. Maybe if she took on three bounties at once she could make it, but that almost sounded like too much work.

As she walked down the streets of Raiaera, something caught her eye. right in front of her was the answer to all her problems. Someone had posted a bounty on the head of one Zephyriah Ablione. The asking price on his head was 1300 gold.

Camella grabbed it up and went to the address listed. When she arrived, she was surprised to see that the house was rather small, but she knocked on the door anyway.

Almost immediately a man answered.

"Hey mister. I am here about the Zephyriah bounty." Camella said calmly.

The man looked her up and down before he finally started laughing.

"What's so funny!!!" Camella yelled as she put a dagger to his throat before he knew what hit him.

"Sorry, it's just that I highly doubt that you will live through the experience." the man said in shock.

"Try me." Camella replied sternly.

"Fine then, the job is yours."

Camella turned to leave before she looked back over her shoulder.

"What is this guy wanted for anyway?" She asked.

"He murdered one of the High Bards of the Turlin School in Raiaera, among other things. I believe the guy's name was Urondir Fararion."

Camella nodded as she walked off. The job sounded legit.

"Just get the money ready for my return."

[Zephyriah]

((EDIT: Just so the judge doesn't forget, this battle takes place before the Althanas War actually got started. Take a look at the starting date of the thread.))

The talk around Althanas was Haidia, and the shocking news of how the powerful demons were ousted from there homes by mere dwarves. Anywhere I traveled, mixed reactions struck my ears, for some sympathized with the gargantuan creatures, while others criticized them for their foolishness and carelessness. I found myself to be indifferent. I didn't have any problems with the demons, but nor did I particularly care for them. To me, they seemed rather distant, content with their own dwelling within the red tinted cavern world. Zieg dil' Tulfried was probably the most well known denizen of that macrocosm, simply because people on the surface world saw him more than any other of his kind. Truly though, there plight would leave an everlasting wound emotionally, even if they establish themselves on the Tular Plains.

"They'll pull it together," I thought, as I promenaded the leaf covered paths of Concordia forest. I found myself moving about this quiet, albeit dangerous territory ever time I returned to Corone from some far off land. Indeed there were ravenous beasts that dwelled within the woodlands, but ravenous beasts couldn't think and plot against an individuals; they were very direct, and if they wanted to inflict harm on someone they'd simply attack you head on. They were noble creatures as far as I was concerned, worthy of praise and recognition from time to time. Fortunately, because they sensed that I had this awe and respect for them, many of them took a liking to me, allowing me to pass through sections of the forests that anybody else couldn't dream of entering. I was most appreciative of their kind act, for it certainly didn't have to be this way. Yet because of this, I made sure to never do anything to destroy the trust that they had for me.

In this case, I did well to maintain that trust. The memory of Urondir Fararion, my brother's father was bombarding my mind as of late. It was a strange occurence since it'd been three years since my blade delved into that elf's flesh, stripping him of his life. Countless other lives were lost by my weapon within that time frame, and not once did any of their deaths attack my conscious. But why this one? Perhaps it was because of the war that'd taken place in Haidia, and my concern for whether or not my brother Xirei was safe. Thoughts of going down to Haidia in order to check up on him filled my head, but soon after I destroyed those thoughts. "That's a stupid idea. The last time we were in Haidia, he left me in the hands of the Rune Paladins to die!" I was astonished at how angered I was becoming. It wasn't like I hadn't done the same thing to him back in my hometown when the paladins were seeking his head, due to him killing my own father. Tel Aglarim soldiers had invaded Rune shores and were thirsty for my blood, so I had no choice but to abandon him! Still, I shouldn't have responded in the way that I did. If we were going to go down, then we should've went down fighting together; not fleeing with hatred towards each other in our hearts.

"Heh, mother, your kindness and desire for family is rubbing off on me." Strangely, upon pondering over my mother, I figured out what I would do to treat this angst I was feeling towards my past murderous deeds: visit Urondir's grave.
Many within these past three years had paid much respect to the Turlin Headmaster's resting place, and because High Bard's that'd perished were all buried in the same location for the most part, it wouldn't be a difficult task to find his headstone and pay my respects. Only problem was that I couldn't stroll into Eluriand as I was since my face was plastered on every bounty board imaginable; concealing my identity was the only option.

There was a nearby shack that I entered, hoping to find clothes of some sort that would conceal me. Luck was on my side, for there was a old cloak that would certainly cover me up enough so as to not alert the Raiaerans to my presence. Upon putting it on, I headed for the Concordian Portal, opting to "backdoor" my way into Eluriand through Haidia.

* * *

The excursion through the underworld was brief, but it gave me a glimpse as to the condition that the Haidian people were in. Many seemed to be joyous, which led me to believe that they despised the demons with everything that they had. There was no time for me to explore however, since my main task had been to go through the Raiaeran portal and arrive in Eluriand. Once done, I found myself in an alleyway. There were loud trumpet blasts, streamers, confetti, and countless people celebrating in the streets. "They must still be overjoyed, having been liberated from the undead." Taking advantage of the people's decreased guard, I slyly slipped through the crowds, making my way to the High Bard cemetery on the west side of town. Normally there would've been Bladesingers patrolling the area but due once again to their celebratory mood, the gates were wide open.

Each part of the cemetary was divided by "school", which meant that Turlin Bards were buried in the "Turlin" section, while, Ost'Dagorlin, Lissilin, and Aglarlin Bards were buried in their respective sections. Naturally, I sought out the Turlin area and found Fararion's tomb. It looked the newest out of all of the others that surrounded it. Many exotic kinds of bouquets were scattered about, all seeming to be from various parts of Raiaera. Certain ones even looked like they were from the Red Forest, which showed what lengths some comrades of Urondir went to in order to give him rare flowers upon departure from this life. The epitaph read:

The great Urondir Fararion. He was a man who shattered common thought, and reached high above.......

"Well, it seems they've acknowledged your open mind," I said, fully understanding that the message on the Turlin mage's tomb was in reference to his loving acceptance of the neighboring dark elves. "Perhaps your death will begin to shape the minds of your arrogant and pretentious people for the better."

[Camella]

Not even the best bounty hunter would have guessed that the person they were searching for would end up being at the grave of the person they had killed.... Ok, that may not be true, but it holds true for Camella, at least.

Camella was asking around for any sign of Zephyriah. some of the people didn't know anything about his whereabouts, a few others were too scared of the name to tell her anything. Most of the people she talked to just laughed when she told them why she was looking for him... I won't bore you with those details, though. There was one person she asked who seemed to have an unexpected reaction, though. That reaction, I will go into detail on...
------------------

Camella was frustrated, after a half hour of asking around, nobody seemed to be willing to give her any info. Suddenly, she spotted a man dressed in a black trenchcoat, dark glasses, and a black, wide-brimmed hat.

"Excuse me sir," Camella said with little to no hope of an answer. The man turned his head to face her.

"Whaddya want."

"Do you know where I would find a man named Zephyriah?"

The man pulled a sword out of his trenchcoat. "Either you are a bounty hunter searching for him, like me, or you are a friend of his. Either way, you have to die, because if you ARE a bounty hunter, then you are competition that needs to be eliminated, if you are with him, that makes you just as bad as him. Sorry, missy, but them's the breaks."

As Camella tried to process this, the man charged in and slashed at her with his sword. She was almost caught off guard but dodged out of the way at the last second. The man stupidly charged at her again, this time, though camella was ready for him, or so she thought.

His blade met her knives, but before she could make her next move, he punched her with his other hand knocking her against a brick wall. The odd thing was, it wasn't flesh that hit her, but metal. He had hit her with a metal hand.

"Always save your true weapon for last." The man mocked as he walked up to her.

Although Camella had had the wind knocked out of her, she was not down for the count. Camella went invisibleand dashed at him, slashing his head clean off.

"Thanks.... for the..... advice." Camella said to his corpse, while trying to catch her breath.
---------

After that, she went around asking about Zephyriah again. After another hour or so, she finally got her first clue.

"Hmmmm. I think I saw an odd-looking person heading towards the graveyard. Doubt he is still there, though." The man said.

It wasn't much of a clue, but it was better than nothing, so Camella rushed off to the graveyard to check it out.

[Zephyriah]

Society, as expected shapes every being that’s ever trodden upon the soils of this physical world. Clearly I was no different. I’d been raised amongst fanatical paladin zealots that’d believed that humans were the superior race of the worlds, ordained by God to have dominion over all. These men that’d created my foundation were fueled by the power of their Christian faith, and most certain that the extermination of anything other than human was inevitable and essential. Surely, such prophetic insight was something that I could take no part in. I was different from the moment I was conceived. A born infidel, destined to go against the grain of my societal empire, challenging them whenever possible. It was because of my defiance though, that my brother’s father lay perished here at this gravesite. No, not just me, but the defiance of all of like mind.

“Urondir, you’d be rolling around in your coffin if you knew at this very moment that of all people, it was me that was paying you respects,” I sighed, wiping patches of mud off of Fararion’s epitaph with the tail end of my cloak. “I’ll try to make it an occasion to come and visit you. It’s the least I can do for disrupting your life, and severing the ties of this world that you’d worked so hard to build.” Almost near a loss for words, I rose up off of the edge of the cobblestone walkway that I’d been sitting on and dusted myself off, ready to make my departure. Saying ‘goodbye’ or anything of the like seemed a bit too informal, but I also didn’t want to take my leave with providing some sort of closure to this meeting. “Oh, and just so you know, Xirei is doing fine. We may not be the closest of brothers but we certainly can tolerate each other. He’s a survivor like I am, so it all works out.”

Lifting my right hand in the air, I muttered the words, “Until next time…..”. However the ambiance had suddenly changed which transformed my demeanor from relaxed to extremely agitated. “There’s someone nearby…..a predator…..” Instinctively drawing my weapon, I prepared myself for all viable ways of attack, fully aware that an enemy was nearby, waiting for an opening like a prowling lion. Had I at one time not ventured with the assassins of the Banishment sect, deep within Concordia, I would’ve never acquired such a sense.

“It is most obvious that you….whoever you are…..have come for me. Your scent, although feint, is within the air. Come now, and reveal yourself and I might provide you with a quick death. But if your stubbornness gets the better of you, expect no mercy.”

[Camella]

Camella was stunned. It was obvious that the man knew she was there, but how? There had to be something that gave her away, but what was it? She wanted to ask the man, but she was smart enough to realize how dumb that would be. Maybe she would ask him just before she killed him...... Maybe.

Either way, she had to think up a new plan. She obviously lost the element of surprise.... Or did she? At the moment, it only seemed like he knew someone was around, somewhere. It looked as if he couldn't pinpoint her location quite yet. Camella patiently waited behind a tombstone for him to turn his back on her while trying to find her so that she could toss a dagger into the back of his head. She held her breath and made sure not to make a sound, for she knew that the tiniest noise could give away her position. The problem was that if she didn't get a clear shot within a minute or two, she would have to give away her position by exhaling.

If that ended up happening, she knew she would be in trouble. There was no doubt in her mind that the dumbest thing she could do would be to engage this guy in close quarters combat, but she knew at the same time that if worse came to worse, she would have to get up close and personal with him.

[Zephyriah]

Due to the lurker’s silence, there was valuable information that I’d gained. First, there was no doubt that this individual possessed adequate skill as an assassin. The being made sure not to give away his/her position; not allowing a single blade of grass, branch or leaf to ruffle unnaturally. Everything was as it was upon my arrival to the graveyard. However, my senses were much to keen to begin questioning my sanity. There was someone here, waiting for me to commit an error so that it could be capitalized on. As for the second piece of valuable information that I managed to acquire from the silence, it was confirmation that this fellow did not have any ties with Tel Aglarim, the High Council, or the Bladesingers. If that’d been the case, then there wouldn’t be any need to conceal ones position. Instead, a garrison would’ve been dispatched, and I would’ve been surrounded within seconds.

“So we’ve got a lone ranger, eh?” A devilish grin crept upon my face as I came to that realization. But what I was still unsure about was if this pursuer was after the bounty placed on my head several years ago for the murder of Urondir Fararion, or if I’d done something to this person in the past, and at this moment he/she was seeking to get revenge.

My mind started adjusting for this inevitable battle, thinking of all the possible places that the silent one could’ve been hiding. I was standing on one of the many cobblestone pathways that ran throughout the graveyard. The Raiaerans were neat and orderly people, and the layout of this graveyard was a testament of that. Everything from the tombstones to the shrubbery that decorated them was almost grid like, which would make it extremely easy for one to get around. Using this knowledge, I came to the conclusion that upon my opponent attacking, it would be simple to pinpoint his/her location.

Seeing a collection of trees about thirty feet south of Urondir’s epitaph, I sprinted toward them and dove behind the thick trunks. Self-protection was of the utmost priority, especially since the enemy’s position was still unknown. At least with these oxygen dispensers covering me, I could ensure that an attack wouldn’t come from my backside. Still, staying extremely alert was very necessary. The talent of the enemy could serve to be my advantage or my downfall. “I have to be careful not to underestimate, or overestimate this foe,” I thought, scanning the terrain for any sudden movements. “This could all be over if I took to the air, but doing that would draw way too much attention. I have to think of something……..”

Patience and cautiousness would be the key to coming out of this encounter alive, for the first to make a mistake would be the one to die.

“Come on silent one…..make your move.”

[Camella]

Camella couldn't believe it. Somehow, as the man ran to the forest, he managed to make it impossible for her to get a clear shot. She exhaled. Her attempt to remain hidden and kill the man with stealth may have been for naught, but it was way too early to give up now. She decided to turn invisible and follow him in.

Upon reaching the forest, she hopped up into a tree. She was just above him, yet she still couldn't get a clear sot in without making some noise. Noise, that was the key. It was going to be the thing that kept her alive at this moment. She needed her opponent to move soon, and she knew just how to do it. She shook a tree limb as if by accident and then waited. Her bounty was sure to notice the noise, but since she was still invisible, he wouldn't notice her. When he came up to check things out, Camella would go for the one hit kill.

[Zephyriah]

“Above!” A wave of anxiety washed through my body, as I instinctively dove and rolled several feet away from the tree that I’d been leaning up against. The sound of the ruffling of the leaves prompted this reaction, but upon looking upward, I didn’t see anyone there. “Could it have been an animal?” I pondered, crouching low to the earth, using a random tombstone as concealment. However, had it been a critter of this land, I would’ve certainly heard it scurrying about, clawing at the bark as it made its way up the trunk and to the top branches. Also, had it been a bird, the sound of its flapping wings would’ve reached my ears. But the shaking of that branch was much too irregular and sudden; the enemy was certainly nearby.

“The moment this fiend reveals his or herself, this game will be over.” The task at hand though, would be drawing the enemy out of his/her hiding place in order to bring death to him/her swiftly. Unfortunately, my pursuer was a patient fellow, capable of waiting for the precise moment to strike me, no matter how long that took. I certainly didn’t have all day to play around with this stalker, especially considering the fact that I’d only come here to pay respects to my brother’s father. “I’ve got to find a way to draw the assassin out into the open.” Thinking for several moments, a strategy came upon me. Remaining crouched, I backed away from the tombstone I was hiding behind, and weaved in and out of many of the other slabs of granite until I was about sixty feet away from the vicinity of the tree. I was almost positive that when that branch unnaturally shook, my enemy was nearby. So assuming that I was not spotted, I figured that the assassin could’ve been too far from that tree.

The part of the cemetery that I was no in, seemed to be the back end of it. Serving as my background now was nothing but shrubbery and trees. “I didn’t really want to do this, but I’m left with no choice.” Altering my blood, I underwent my transformation, bringing the façade of the Dragon Drinker to the forefront. Scaly white skin replaced the crimson hue, while black hair drowned out my normally white strands.
Gazing at the tree that I believed the enemy to be close to, I summoned a ring of fire, but kept close to the ground, so as to not draw any wandering eyes to my location. The plan was to cause some sort of disturbance so as to possibly imbue my stalker with panic, in hopes that his or her position would be revealed. However, I was very aware that what I was about to do would most likely bring authorities into the picture. But, this was something that I was prepared to deal with. After all, there was no chance of them identifying me as Zephyriah.

The ring of fire was in alignment to set off my scheme. I’d moved it seven hundred feet away from me, and aligned it with four trees, including the one that I believed my enemy to be nearby. Manuevering it in a figure-eight pattern, the ring set the leaves ablaze before burrowing itself into a patch of grass near the tree that’d I’d rolled away from. Flames quickly spread, engulfing all branches of the respective trees. It wasn’t long before heavy smoke was dispensed, clouding the surreal blue sky that’d graced this day. Men and women speaking in their Raiaeran tongue could be heard, no doubt responding to this occurrence. The once empty grave site began being filled with Tel Aglarim soldiers and mages who were determined to check out the disturbance as well as rectify the situation. In all of this, I opted to remain hidden; realizing that coming out into the open at this time would bring suspicion to me. However, this also meant that if my enemy revealed his or herself, then the Tel Aglarim officials would surely think that he/she had something to do with the fires.

[Camella]

Camella looked on as another of her plans ended up failing. The man she was after was just to smart for her tricks. He had decided to run back to the graveyard, though and that made it extremely easy for her to keep an eye on him, but she was horrorstruck when the man she had been hunting changed to a truly demonic form and started a forest fire. She had Precious few minutes left on her invisibility too. When the soldiers and mages came out, though, she got one last idea.

It was a risk, but it was all she could think of. She hurried out of the forest, jumping from tombstone to tombstone until she was hidden behind a tombstone right behind her prey. Knowing full well that if she attacked the demon and didn't deal a death blow, she would die by his hand, she took a more subtle approach and threw a dagger into the head of one of the mages, killing him.

Her plan seemed to work to perfection as one of the soldiers pointed in the direction she and Zephyriah were hiding and yelled out, "Over there!!!" The soldiers and mages all charged in to the hiding spots. Camella was no longer invisible, but she had changed her color to match the tombstone so that she was harder to notice.

She figured that if the army she had brought on him won, she was safe, and if they lost, the demon Zephyriah would be injured enough to take down herself. She just hoped she was right.

[Zephyriah]

They now were all flooding into the gated land of the dead. Soldiers dressed in white Raiaeran warrior garbs, gripping their weapons of choice as they looked for who could've caused this disturbance. The speed at which my heart raced had picked up, especially after seeing that stray dagger cut through the stale air and find its home in the head of one of the Tel Aglarim soldiers. There was no doubt that this was the working of my pursuer, though because of the enemy's actions, his/her general position was confirmed. Unfortunately with the Raiaeran soldiers approaching the area that I was hiding in, there was no time to search for the exact whereabouts of my foe; as it stood, if I didn’t do something, then I would end up being blamed for the killing of that soldier, along with being labeled as the Fire-Starter. “A clever trick…..assassin.” Moving behind an adjacent tombstone, in an attempt to avoid the opposition, I grinned, realizing that the trap that I’d intended to set for the lurker, was now preparing to ensnare me.

Gazing out at the fifty or so soldiers within the cemetery, I knew there was only one thing left that could be done to counter the enemy’s sly scheme. Swiftly moving about the ground, trying to stay as concealed as possible, I scurried to a nearby tree, pressing my body up against the trunk. But, a soldier had noticed a portion of my wing. “Hey, look! There’s somebody there!!” He hollered, alerting his companions of my presence. Those who heard him began following him to my location. “Argh! I have to act fast!”

At the spot where the ring of fire had burnt itself into the ground, there stood about seven mages investigating the scene. They hadn’t clearly heard the voice of the one that’d noticed me, which would explain the slower paces they took, compared to the rest of their allies. “They will be the perfect targets!” And without another moment of hesitation, I snapped my fingers, causing an explosion which stemmed from the imprint of the ring of fire. The elven shrieks synthesized with the sound of the explosion, curtailed everyone’s progress towards me. They all scrambled to find cover, but once the initial eruption of flames had passed the mages conjured up water spells in an attempt to put out the conflagration, and salvage what they could of the once beautiful resting place for their deceased ones. But, I wasted no time, for I knew that if I didn’t escape while the soldiers were distracted, then I’d be killed right here in this cemetery. So, upon flapping my wings, I took to the smoke filled, ember riddled sky. Yet as I looked downward, I noticed a grayish woman pressed up against a tombstone, obviously hiding herself. I couldn’t quite see her facial features, but there was one thing that was made quite clear: it was definitely the enemy. My fury boiled within me, but I knew that it was too risky and too late to do anything, save escape. Fortunately though, I did not flee without gaining some information on her appearance.

“Heh, your days are numbered woman. The next time we cross paths will be the end of your journey.”

((Camella, this is my last post. It was fun doing battle with you.))

[Camella]

Camella's trick had worked. The soldiers had run after Zephyriah and chased him away. For once, Camella didn't bother chasing her target. She knew it would be suicide. All of a sudden, she heard an explosion from where Zephyriah had gone to. When Camella turned to look, she saw the beast fly off. It may have just been her imagination, but she could have sworn that he was looking straight at her. This put shivers down her spine, but she didn't dare move for fear of the soldiers noticing her. It seemed odd that he didn't attack her, but she was happy that he didn't.

After the coast was clear, she changed her color back to normal, grabbed the dagger out of the head of the mage, and headed back to the house where she had found the man who had posted the Zephyriah bounty. She knocked on the door and the man answered.

"So, you're back. How did it go?"

"Not too well. You were right. I got in way over my head."

"No. I was wrong"

Camella looked at him, confused.

The man continued to speak "To have survived long enough to realize how strong he was is an accomplishment in itself. It proves that you are made of sterner stuff than I gave you credit for. You may not have been able to defeat him this time, and you probably don't have what it takes, yet, but seeing as you managed to somehow survive him, I'd say that given a few years of training, you may actually be able to stand up to him. I will hold the bounty here for you until then."

Camella started to walk away when the man spoke up again.

"You know, I was also wrong about that guy in the black trenchcoat. I thought
that he was going to be the one to finally capture Zephyriah. Last I heard, though, he was found in a back alley where his head had been chopped off. It seems obvious to me that Zephyriah got the better of him.

Camella couldn't help chuckling to herself, because she knew that that death was her doing.

Camella planned on coming back eventually, but in the meantime she would wander the worlds looking for more bounties.

[Letho]

General Notes: I’m afraid that the periods of inactivity combined with the obvious difference in the levels of your characters contributed to the fact that this battle ended before it actually started. And as much as I’d like to say that this could be a perfectly realistic example of what happens when somebody is, as Camella admitted herself, “in over her head”, I still can’t deny the fact that I expected more from this. Not explicitly more battling or more hide-and-seek, but simply more content. This way, this battle looked more like a brief glimpse into a rather insignificant encounter. Anyways, onto the rubric. Camella’s scores are BLUE, Zephyriah’s RED.


CONTINUITY – 7:5

You both did rather well regarding the continuity and the reasons of your characters for participating in this. Advantage goes to Zephyriah because I thought his introduction and reasoning for being in Raiaera were elaborated in a more refined manner. However, I did get a feeling that you gave me too much info about Zeph’s past and the events that preceded and in a way influenced this visit to Raiaera. Finding a balance between just enough and too much is a walk down a very thin line. I’m pretty familiar with Camella’s character since I judged one of her quests/battles already, where she hunted Izvilvin. The whole headhunting idea is good, but don’t go overboard with it. Your every thread doesn’t have to be about collecting bounties because then the idea becomes somewhat of an old hat.

SETTING - 6:5

I have to admit I wasn’t too impressed or drawn in by the setting in this battle. It started off rather nicely, with the whole hallowed grounds graveyard setting, but then it soon became all about nondescript tombstones and equally uninventive grove of trees. There was some interaction by both of you, but more often then not it was rather basic. Perhaps if this battle actually kicked off, there would be more setting interweaved through your posts. Slight advantage to Zeph because his character did his best to pay attention to the environment due to the invisibility of his opponent.

PACING - 3:3

I have to hurt both of your scores in this segment of your battle. Short battles usually suffer from the action occurring too fast, but in this case there was so little action that the pace of the quest is rather hard to determine. You two barely exchanged one set of attacks before the end of the thread. It was a good start, but it was just a start; the rest of the battle was missing. Try picking a setting where you won’t be disturbed next time, or if you want disturbance, try dealing with it instead of running away from it.

DIALOGUE - 6:5

I have to say that I liked Zephyriah’s monologue at Urondir’s grave. It really felt natural and showed his true emotions over the man he murdered. Camella’s dialogue was satisfactory as well, but sometimes her actions hamper it. The whole dagger-at-throat and the meeting with the other bounty-hunter seemed a bit over the top. Unfortunately, due to shortness of the thread, there was no real opportunity for more dialogue. A word of warning for Zeph though; I have a feeling you have a tendency of trying to make your character sound cool sometimes. Remember that every sentence spoken doesn’t have to sound like something spoken at the “Council of Elrond”. ;)

ACTION - 6:4

This could’ve ended up as a tie, if not for several crucial mistakes that Camella made. For one, I have a feeling you overdid your invisibility a little bit. It says in your profile that Camella can achieve full invisibility only if she wears the tightest of clothes, (quotation from the profile: “...so she has to be wearing only her most closefitting clothes (bra, panties, etc)”. So running around invisible and unheard was a bit much I think. Also, I think you need to work on describing your actions a bit more. You threw a dagger into the head of one of the mages and killed him in a single sentence. Try elaborating a bit on that. Zeph didn’t make any of these mistakes, but I have to admit that I found it rather weird that he turned tail twice in the same battle, once at the beginning when he ran to the woods and then the second time at the end.

PERSONA - 8:6

I think this was by far your best aspect, Zephyriah. The first person perspective enables you to write in a much more personal way and portray the mental part of your character. The regret and respect that he expressed on the grave of the person he killed certainly offered me a new glimpse on the character that I always saw as a mere ruthless murderer with snazzy one-liners. Camella, on the other hand, does well to maintain the cold assassin persona. However, even assassins have thoughts, emotions, expectations, dreams, fears. I would like to see more of these in your posts, especially when something like a killing occurs. It’s a perfect opportunity to show her feeling towards the act, or even lack of those feelings. Don’t leave a blank space when it comes to persona.

MECHANICS - 6:5

You both average out to some two mistakes per post. Sometimes these mistakes are typos made by either missing a letter or forgetting about it, and sometimes there are malapropisms (Zeph, you have several of these: “conscious” instead of “conscience”, “feint” instead of “faint”). Camella, on the other hand, misses a comma or three here and there and forgets to capitalize letter sometimes. Perhaps it’s just rust you two need to scrape off.

TECHNIQUE - 6,5:4

Zeph, it seems to me that you’re trying too hard sometimes, and you fall into a trap of trying to use some fancy words and descriptions that aren’t appropriate. When you describe someone as “denizen of that macrocosm” or do the same to trees by calling them “oxygen dispensers”, it sounds very weird. These kinds of things sound good when you write them, but try re-reading them a week after you wrote them and most of the time you realize just how wrong that is. That’s what happens to me at least. Camella, your style is very clean and brief, but that brevity hurts your technique sometimes. You would profit from elaborating on pretty much everything, because then the necessity for different wording and description forces you to use some technique.

CLARITY - 6:6

Rather good all-around. There were no moment when I got lost or didn’t know what was going on, but given the length of this battle, there wasn’t much chance to do that either.

WILD CARD - 5:6

This could’ve been a good battle if it actually turned into a battle. I’m giving a slight advantage to Camella because it takes guts to take on somebody so strong, outside the Citadel, with a level zero character.



TOTAL SCORE – 59,5:49



Zephyriah is victorious!!!

Congratulations to you both!


SPOILS:

Zephyriah receives 1,919 EXP (to round up your EXP to 38,000), 50 GP and a blue spandex suit and red underwear that he has to wear on the outside. ;)
Camella receives 385 EXP, 50 GP, and the man who holds the bounty for her slipped an additional 150 GP into her pocket, to help her mission.


EXP/GP added!