Exile (Open to two)

[black shadow]

Black Shadow, once known as Ardon Firil, lay under the stars thinking about his past. Pain, Suffering, Once a great and powerful king, now a lonely fugitive. I will take back what was stolen from me. My honor, my throne, my ability to talk, they shall all pay for what they've done. Black Shadow thought to himself. He then closed his eyes and fell asleep.

The next morning he was awoken by the sound of something running through the trees. Black Shadow jumped up, not making a sound, and hid behind the the tree in which he was going to build his home. My bow, where is... he thought as he looked to where he had been sleeping. Dang it, I should probably have grabbed that. He looked around, hoping whatever it was he heard was gone. Ok, I don't see or hear anything, now's my chance. he jumped out from behind the tree and grabbed his bow and arrows. Ok, now to see what made that noise. He stood still, calmed his mind, shut his eyes, and listened. There you are. He thought as he pulled his bow string, mounting an arrow, aimed, and released. He heard a muffled "Thunk", telling him he had hit his target. Black Shadow turned and walked towards where he shot his arrow.

[Sentinel]

Travelling was one of Sentinel’s favorite things. The golem hadn’t gotten the chance to get out much in the years after his creation, as was expected of a magical construct that had been created to be the guardian of a wizard’s abode. But now that he had gained his freedom after attaining intelligence, Sentinel loved to spend his time out of doors. There was something relaxing about having nothing over one’s head but the empty sky and the warming sun. Of course, Sentinel thought happily as he stared at the verdant life around him, the woods weren’t so bad either.

There was something about the forest that opened a well-spring of pleasure within the golem’s breast. Created to be a defender as he was, Sentinel enjoyed the sights and sounds of prolific life all around him. Looking around shyly, though he knew that there was no one to see him, Sentinel decided to engage in some wanton revelry, throwing caution to the wind and letting himself go. He joyfully began to run, delighting in the feel of life moving past him. For a creature comprised of a massive block of clay, Sentinel moved surprisingly well through the forest, and while he could not be called lithe by any means, he left surprisingly little destruction behind him. Everything could be said to be going well for the golem until an arrow shot out of nowhere and slammed into him.

Sentinel came to a skidding halt as he stared down upon the arrow protruding from his shoulder, his almost featureless face nevertheless registering a mixture of confusion and discomfort. While the massive creature of living clay didn’t exactly feel pain as a flesh creature could, being stabbed was still an incredibly uncomfortable experience for him. Moreover, he hadn’t been doing anything wrong when the arrow had streaked out of nowhere without warning. Gingerly plucking the arrow from his thick body, Sentinel stared dumbfounded at the clay-smeared tip. A sudden panic arose within him at the sight.

“H-hello?” he asked timidly, looking around wildly.

[black shadow]

Hmm, whoever i just hit, must not be trying to hurt me, i better try to communicate with him. Black Shadow thought to himself as he moved the leaves in front of him, revealing the Golem. The sight of this clay structure creature was a little disturbing to Black Shadow, although he noticed it seemed was a little frightened. I best try and calm him down, before anyone else notices him luring them to me. He never did like helping others since his exile, but in order to keep himself hidden he might have to. Black Shadow looked at Sentinel and motioned his hands in sign language in order to say, "Hello, I am sorry for shooting you with an arrow, I thought you were going to try and hurt me or something."

[Sentinel]

Wounded and panicked, Sentinel’s first instinctive reaction was to lash out at the shadow clad creature that had seemingly appeared in front of him from nowhere. As a general rule he had become disinclined towards violence since gaining sentience and yet he had been crafted as a guardian and the magical command impulses with which he had been imbued were hard to overcome. Still, knowing that it would take more than a few arrows to drop a construct like himself, Sentinel forced the bludgeoning clubs of his fists to remain still at his sides until he could assess the nature of the creature in front of him.

The bow and quiver that the creature bore left the golem with no doubt on where the arrow that had struck him had come from. But while the creature may have been the one who had attacked Sentinel, the waving motions of its hands made the golem think that he wasn’t hostile. Sentinel lowered his guard a bit, but maintained a cautious stance.

It, as it turned out, was a person clad all in black. Even the depths of the person’s eyes reflected nothing back at the golem, sucking in the very light around him.

“You’re not going to try to shoot me again are you?” Sentinel asked before, seeing the gestures of apology from the black clad figure, slumping into a more relaxed posture.

“As long as there was no harm meant then I’ll offer you forginess,” Sentinel said. “Most people have never seen a golem let alone an independent one, so I’ve come to expect a somewhat hostile reaction.”

Sentinel gestured to the arrow wound in his shoulder, which had almost completely resealed. “See, no real harm done, I suppose. Though you might want to be a bit more careful about who you shoot at next time. You might hurt someone who doesn’t deserve it and isn’t made of animated clay.”

“I’m Sentinel, by the way,” he continued, holding the man’s arrow back out to him. “What’s your name?”

[black shadow]

No one understands sign language these days, i'll have to figure out some way to communicate with him though. Black Shadow thought to himself, while he took the arrow from the Golem and returned it to his quiver. Well i hope he can read, otherwise I can't communicate. Black Shadow looked around for a small stick in which he could use to write in the dirt. When he found one small enough to use he sprawled over to it, picked it up, sprawled back, and began writing on the ground


"Hello, My name is Black Shadow. I am sorry for shooting you with my arrow, I meant no harm to you. Those hand movements i did earlier is known as sign language, a language beginning to be lost among people these days. I have lost my ability to talk, which is why I use sign language.

Black Shadow then looked up at the Golem and awaited his response. Oh, please let him know how to read.

[Sentinel]

Sentinel knew that he had made the right decision as the black clad figure gingerly plucked the arrow from him and replaced it in its case. He did feel a brief moment of hesitation as the figure stripped a fresh switch from a nearby birch tree, but the thought of the smaller figure viciously thrashing at Sentinel’s clay body with a thin piece of wood brought a humorous chuckle to the thick clay rolls that fashioned his lips. Besides, once the figure began scrawling in the dirt there was no doubt left in Sentinel’s mind as to what he was doing.

“Black Shadow, eh?” Sentinel said as the person finished his short message. “I’m very sorry I seemed to misunderstand you, though you can surely imagine my apprehension given the fact that you did shoot me with an arrow.”

Sentinel slumped to the ground with a loud thump which caused the ground around his massive bulk to jump up a bit. An expression twisted the features of the clay golem’s face, one best attributed to thoughtfulness. “I’ve heard of sign language but I’ve never seen it,” he admitted with a shrug, massive hands absentmindedly pulling bark from a fallen tree limb which they had plucked from the ground. “I honestly have no idea that you were doing anything more than gesturing that you weren’t trying to attack me.”

A deep rumbling chuckle poured from the golem’s wide mouth. “I suppose that’s a good thing that I figured it out though.” As is to emphasize his point the golem’s thick fingers curled around the branch he was playing with and snapped it easily in half, despite the fact that the wood was thick as a plower’s arm. Mere seconds after doing so, however, the golem’s face changed again, taking on a more solemn appearance. “I don’t like hurting people if I can help it,” he said.

“But enough about me,” Sentinel shook off the malaise that was threatening to settle upon him. “What about you? I assume someone’s hunting after you if you’re hiding way out here. Is that how you lost your voice?”

[black shadow]

Oh no, this may take a while. Black Shadow thought as he swept his hand across the dirt where he had written before and began to write again.


I guess you could say I am being hunted. I don't like to talk about my past, it's very personal. I lost my voice because I had been in a duel, My father had blamed me for the death of my brother and had order me to participate in a duel. Of coarse I obeyed and went strait to the dual arena. When I faced my opponent though i couldn't fight. My father knew that I would win the fight and said I must know what it's like to deal with the thought of death. I had to face my younger brother. I stood there not knowing what to do, He cut my throat severing my vocal chords. I managed to get out of the arena but was attacked by the guard my father ordered to kill me if I was to run. I got away from them too, but Haven't been able to talk since.

He then looked at the Golem and wrote down


What's your name?

[Sentinel]

Sentinel’s face darkened as the words of Black Shadow’s tale were scratched into the loam beneath them.

“No offense to you or your family,” the golem began, finding himself almost too horrified to speak. “But that’s one of the most barbaric tales that I’ve ever heard.” He shuttered as if in disgust and stepped back from Black Shadow. Though he was a massive creature of magic and dirt, Sentinel certainly didn’t think of himself as much of an aggressor. He had certainly taken lives when the need was necessary, but it was always the last option that he sought and was one that he chose only with regret. He often wondered how many creatures had met their ends under his massive fists in the time before he gained his sentience but since then he could remember with vivid clarity the faces of those he had been forced to kill.

“Forgive me,” he said, suddenly realizing that he’d left Black Shadow hanging with his own question unanswered. “I suppose that my unorthodox nature brings as many questions to you as yours does to me.”

Sentinel looked around as he spoke, once more unnerved by the thought that the agents of Black Shadow’s father might be even now closing in on the two of them. Certain that there were no others around them at that particular moment, Sentinel turned his attention back to Black Shadow.

“My name is Sentinel,” he said, the picture of his clay face pulling into as friendly a look as the golem could manage. “I don’t suppose that we’re safe from your father’s men here?” he then asked, the concern in his voice obvious.

[black shadow]

Black Shadow took in the question along with the answers Sentinel had given him. He began to write again.


We should be safe here. The kingdom is miles from here, it would take days to get from here to where I came from on horses, let alone foot. I killed the last of the men initially following me, which means unless he sent others out to help and they found the ones I killed, only you should know about me.

Black Shadow paused as he finished the last sentence and listened. Something or someone is here. The question is who? He drew his bow and listened some more. Horses? How did they find me? He then looked back at the Golem listened some more Maybe it's not them, maybe it's... He then heard a voice yell "He must be over here, hurry!" No, it can't be. He aimed the bow to his right Wind is blowing at 5 kilo's an hour, adjust the trajectory 18 degrees. He then released his arrow and heard a "THUD" Horse is down, now to make sure this isn't my brother. He walked over to where he shot his arrow, moved the leaves causing him to be unable to see his target. Good, it's not my brother, but who is this?

[Sentinel]

Sentinel watched the words appear with great interest. Black Shadow said that there shouldn’t be anyone following him. That he had killed the men that his father had initially sent to trail him. Yet he had been so quick to open fire on the golem as he had run past. He supposed that a certain amount of paranoia was to be expected from the archer, especially given the story he’d been told, but something wasn’t sitting quite right with the golem. He knew that he was seen as a monster by most of the people that he came across, people who were usually more likely to attack than listen to reason, but Black Shadow was being hunted by people, not giant golems. He supposed that the mistake could have been confusing him with a mounted rider, as he had certainly not been stealthy in his romp through the trees, but even if that had been the case he hadn’t been running towards Black Shadow’s position. It appeared that the archer wasn’t the type to hesitate to take a life regardless of whose or what’s life was on the line.

After reading Black Shadow’s final message Sentinel was just about ready to wish the man well with what he was doing and warn him away from randomly firing arrows at things, but an approaching sound of mounted riders caught his attention and before he knew it Black Shadow was again launching arrows into the nether and sprinting off. Despite the nastiness that Black Shadow had to say about his father, it was apparent that some of the man’s fiendishness had rubbed off onto this son just as it had the others. Sentinel seriously considered just leaving the man to his fate, he had certainly done little to defray it after all, but the golem’s defensive nature pulled him away from that course of action and propelled him after Black Shadow.

The golem’s thick clay body crashed through the underbrush easily, tearing through the grasping roots and tangles thickets like a heavy axe punching through a helmet. “Stop!” the golem roared, his booming voice shaking the trees around him. As a reply to the command, two bolts stuck deep into Sentinel’s chest. The golem winced as the bolts hit him but ignored the discomfort in favor of bellowing again and charging forwards.

“What the hell is that?” one of the panicked men in front of him asked.

“I don’t know,” the other replied, hastily grabbing for his sword. “Just kill it!”

Sentinel didn’t give them the chance. As skilled as they were, they weren’t neither the riders nor the mounts were prepared for a charging golem. The first man barely had the chance to clear his sword from its scabbard before Sentinel crashed into his horse, knocking the animal and its rider into a tangled, thrashing heap on the ground. A sharp pain sliced into Sentinel’s back as the second man slashed wildly as the golem, but Sentinel paid the attack no mind as he turned and backhanded the man off his horse with a heavy, open-handed slap.

There was a chorus of angry yells and terrified whinnying as the two frightened horses extricated themselves from their riders and bolted back the way they had come from. Sentinel let them go, knowing that they were innocent animals in all of this. The men who had attacked him however…

“I told you to stop,” Sentinel said, standing tall over the two men who had wisely dropped their weapons and were not remaining deathly still in the golem’s shadow.

[Ashla]

Ashla couldn't remember how the blazes this happened in the first place! Oh yeah, I've been taken captive by these riders just because I didn't have any food that I would have been forced to give them anyways. I've had some pretty bad days... but this has got to be one of the worst! She cried to herself as rode blindfolded on one of the rider's horses.

She thought and thought on how to escape these goons, but she suddenly felt something crash into the horse. What? "Help!" she cried as the horse fell onto the ground. She realized that with all the shouting and beating she heard, she was in some kind of battle.

I hate it when things like this happen to me! If only I had my weapons on me...

[black shadow]

Black Shadow pulled out another arrow and aimed it at the man. "No, please, don't shoot, I didn't mean to offend you. I was just..." The man said as the arrow flew into the mans heart, killing him almost instantly. He then looked towards sentinel and the two men who he was standing over. I hope he soesn't hate me for this. He thought as he pulled another arrow, aimed, and killed the other two men.

[Ashla]

Ashla sighed, "Stupid ropes..." She knew she would look helpless by doing this- well, she practically was helpless right now- but she cried, "Help! Get me out from under this blasted horse! Please?"

She sighed, this day was not going very well. She had woken up under a picket fence and was forced to walk around town as a beggar! Humiliating! She finally thought she was going to get some food by walking up to those fancy soldiers with horses, but what happened? She was asked for food from them and when she told them "no", everything went even more downhill.

I have to get a jacket, buy a shield, get a life, get a hair cut- blah, no! I like it long, but... Ashla blew some of her long hair out of her face, she was tired, hungry, and very upset! This has got the be the worst day I've ever had since... And she waited for something to happen, "Hurry, if anyone is out there!"

[Sentinel]

A gasp tore free from Sentinel’s surprised countenance as twin arrows appeared and ended the lives of the two men whom he had gone to lengths to take catch mostly unharmed. Was this creature so bloodthirsty that he couldn’t find anything within him but the urge to murder? Rising to his full height, Sentinel rounded slowly, the massive bulk of his clay fingers curling into tight fists at his side. He had fully intended to end this menace when he caught sight of a struggling bundle that had fallen from the back of one of the slaughtered men’s horses. Caught between the urge to rage upon the silent murderer and the need to see to the struggling woman bound before him, Sentinel gave in to his nature as a defender.

“Do not worry,” he whispered gently, using the massive bulk of his body to shield the woman from Black Shadow as he undid her bindings, lest the crazy archer take her life needlessly as well. “I may not be human but you have nothing to fear from me,” he said as he gently plucked the blindfold from over her eyes, hopefully preparing her for the sight of the massive clay creature that had just saved her.

[Ashla]

Help finally came! Ashla felt her bindings being cut loose, and the blindfold unwrapped, “I may not be human but you have nothing to fear from me.”

What does he mean? Ashla thought to herself. It was then that her blindfold was taken off, and she found herself staring up at a creature made of clay, he was really big! Ashla’s eyes briefly widened, but she then remembered what he had said, "you have nothing to fear from me". Ashla relaxed, “Th-thank you, I needed that… Where am I?”

She looked around to see some of the men who had captured her dead from an arrow, and some of the horses on their sides dead, “What’s going on, here?” She began to search the horse she had been on anxiously for her weapons.

[black shadow]

Black Shadow watched as sentinel released the woman and appeared to protect her. dang... He must be mad at me... I need to convince him I mean to protect myself, he thought to himself as she began searching for her weapons. These men, they were bounty hunters. What has this woman done to attract the attention of them? he thought. Black Shadow returned his bow to his back and began to step towards the woman.

[Ashla]

Ashla pushed the hair put of her face, freaking dead horses! It's so smelly and gross! And she found her sword and long knife. "Whew!" she tied them to her belt, "Wh-where am I?" she asked looking around her. She then saw another figure approaching her; she couldn't see well and her instincts kicked in as she pulled her blade out, "Who are you? Another hunter? I'm not afraid of you!" Her anger - and yes, recklessness- were getting the best of her...

[black shadow]

Black shadow threw his hands up as if in surrender. great, now she wants to kill me. he thought to himself. He continued to slowly walk towards her as he placed his bow on the ground in front of him.

[Ashla]

Ashla smirked, Well, that was easy... the she noticed, "Hey, you don't look like one of those bounty hunters..." She drew her dagger out too, "So who are you? I won't hurt you if you won't hurt me, you know." and she placed her dagger back, realizing that she could have just found a new ally.

Maybe he knows more about the hunters... she thought, maybe he can help me get out of this! She thought over her plan and nodded. Now, Ashla never meant to be the one taking advantage of other people, actually, she had been simply used as a tool a couple times in her life, she hated the feelings of betrayal in the end of it. Really, Ashla tried her best to help people whenever they helped her, the problem though was- what can a young, simple girl like her do for others? Ashla sighed aloud and pulled her hair back with her free hand, she smiled. I can still do my best...

[black shadow]

Ooc
note to sentinel: There is now a one week warning. If you don't post by this time, we shall be forced to bunny you to remove you from this thread. We would hate to do this, but in order to continue this thread, we must. Again we're terribly sorry if you don't post within this time.

~black shadow~

[black shadow]

OOC
I'm so sorry to have to do this Sentinel, but we wish to continue... Again, we're terribly sorry.

Black Shadow motioned his hands in sign language, "Can you understand these hand movements?" as he did this he saw out of the corner of his eye the clay beast, Sentinel, begin to run. Dang! He best not tell anyone about me! He thought to himself. He then turned his attention back towards the girl, who had a very confused face. And just like everyone else, she doesn't understand me! Black shadow then took up the stick he previously used to communicate with sentinel adn began to write again.


My name is Black Shadow. I've been hiding out here from my father. If you would be as of kind to keep me a secret, I'd be very appreciative. Now, what's your name, and how exactly did you get into custody of those bandits?

Black Shadow then looked up towards the girl, waiting for her reply.

[Ashla]

Ashla looked at the writing and asked, "Wait... Why are you running from your own father?" Ashla knew she asked too many questions but that was the way she was- too curious. Ashla often times found her curiosity got her into trouble, but she couldn't help herself; she wished she could, but she couldn't. Ashla was just plain curious... about everything... She knew that this "Black Shadow"'s story may have been something personal, but Ashla just couldn't help but ask. She couldn't stop hoping that she had just caused a fight. In case this did start a fight, she made sure she was ready for him to pull and arrow out and shoot- she was very agile and able to dodge well, she could probably handle him, but once again he was a stranger to her and she had recently learned not to underestimate an opponent...

Ashla's eyes portrayed no fear though as she faced this man. She was ready for any reply from him.

[black shadow]

Black Shadow listened to the womans question, "Wait... Why are you running from your father?" and again I must tell the story. Black Shadow began to write again.


I was out hunting with my older brother when we were ambushed. We fought the small group of bandits while retreating to the castle. unfortunatly, my brother had died in the retreat.... My father... He blamed my brothers death on me, saying I shouldve died instead of him. He told me that "I must earn my right to live" and placed me in a duel. I told him "I was not afraid." I soon realised though, that this was a big mistake... I took my poosition and faced the gate that my oponent would enter from. I motioned my hand at the gate keeper to let my opponent in, and as he entered, I grew very uneasy. I would have to face my younger brother. I saw the look af great fear he had in his eyes and refused to fight. My father grew furious and ordered his men to kill me. I ran aqs fast as I could, but could not escape without complete injury. This is how I lost my ability to talk, forcing my to either write like I do now, or use sign language like I had earlier. This is why I am running from my father.

Black Shadow looked at her and again wrote.


What is your name?

[Ashla]

Ashla loosened up when he used his arrow to instead write his story down. Ashla read it with wide eyes, this was terrible! A father favoring one son more than the other two and wanting them both to die in his place! And his throat- that cut really must have hurt! Ashla tried to look for a scar there but only for a moment. She was frozen in sympathy, "Oh my gosh..." She shook her head and looked up, "I am so sorry.. I- I know what it's like to be rejected by someone you love-... And my- my name is Ashla." she cleared her throat so she wouldn't sound as shocked as she actually was and forced on a smile, "Ashla Rose Icebreaker to be exact" She suddenly remembered, "Um, you wanted to know about how those hunters caught my attention?" she asked, her smile fading, Those indignant bounty hunters!

[black shadow]

Black Shadow listened to Ashla's reaction and thought to himself She... She actually has sympathy for me? This... This is very suprising, no one has ever shown me sympathy. He then began to write again.


Yes, those hunters... I've seen them before. They were some of the bandits that had killed my brother in the attack. When I saw you, I was tempted to kill you too. Lucky for you, Sentinel, in which had just fled from us, stood in between us. But those hunters, they have been my people's enemies for hundreds of years. Wou

Black Shadow was stopped by the sounds of horses coming in there direction. Shoot! I always forget the second round of riders they always send out! he thought to himself. he picked up his bow again and listened for the direction the horses were coming from. Dang! we're surrounded! He motioned his hands trying to tell Ashla to put her back to his.

[Ashla]

Ashla gasped at the riders surrounding them. She saw Black Shadow motion her to go back to back with her, from the information she had gathered so far (and the fact that she hated the hunters for kidnapping her) she decided to take his side. She followed his silent order and placed her back against his pulling out her long-sword and taking a 2H grip, Time for some payback time! despite her reckless determination, she was also nervous; they were outnumbered! She and Black Shadow were surrounded by seven men, all on horses. Some were armed with swords, others with bow and arrow. Ashla grunted, she had to keep her cool! She slid into a stance she could easily come out of, her two hand remained on her long-sword.

Ashla's mind swirled with strategies. The first good plan that came into mind was that she and Black Shadow could dart to the trees and pull sneak attacks. Her eyes darted from tree to tree, even the closest trees had a bandit nearby! Drat! So much for that plan! She sighed and whispered to her comrade, "We're outnumbered, what do we do?" She could only hope he had a better plan than any she was coming up with...

[black shadow]

Black Shadow searched the group for the leader. Soon enough he found his target, A tall man with a muscular build, iron armour, and a Steel longsword, mounted upon a snow white horse. That man will be protected by the other men, if I try to attack him, the other will get in my way... what shall we do? he asked himself. He then seacrched for the weakest looking member of the pack. Perfect. he thought as he released the arrow from his bow string, striking the rider in his shoulder, knocking him from his horse. The horse then began charging towards Black shadow. He grabbed the reins steering it to its left, just barely missing Ashla, while pulling himself upon it. He pulled out another arrow and took out another rider. the horse was well trained for an archer as the rider who previously owned it was an archer himself. Black Shadow turned to pick Ashla up. I can't just leave her, she could turn out to be a useful ally someday. he thought to himself. the horses speed was quick, and appeared to be the fastest of the riders. He swung his arm down and grabbed Ashlas, swinging her onto the horses back. They continued to run, but the others stayed on their tails. We must figure something out, I can't show my face in civilization just yet!

[Ashla]

Ashla's hair whipped around her from the wind as they rode along. Ashla looked behind her to see the riders still following. Ashla got an idea, "Black Shadow," she started, "Give me the reins! While I'm at the reins, you can shoot at the men with your bow and arrows!" she was hoping that with the speed they were picking up, he could hear her. Ashla looked behind to see the men drawing closer, one of them was right up to them and had his sword out! Ashla drew her long-sword and locked blades with him. She drew his blade downwards, still locked. In this lock, she quickly drew her long-knife and beheaded him. The horse, without a rider, blindly galloped away. Ashla turned to Black Shadow again, "Did you hear me?"

[black shadow]

Black Shadow motioned his hands for Ashla to take hold of the reins. As she did this, he pulled out his bow and another steel arrow. He aimed towards the closest rider and calculated trajectory. Adjust height by 18 centimeters. he thought to himself. as he released his arrow he felt the horse turn to the right, causing his arrow to miss his target. Dang! He pulled out another arrow and did the same, this time striking the rider in the heart. His horse stopped, causing another the remeining two riders horses to stop aswell, forcing them to be flung off and trampled by the leaders horse. Black Shadow quickly realized that he could not defeat the leader with an arrow alone. He would need Ashla's help. two on one... seems like we need to become stronger than we are. He thpught to himself.

[Ashla]

Ashla smirked at their progress, "You're doing good!" she called back to him. She turned back to see where she was going and made the horse go faster; she didn't know where she was going, but as along as it was away from the leader, it was good! She felt the wind against her face, she loved it.

Despite the fact that they were basically on the run for their lives, Ashla felt ease in the wind, it loosened her up and let her settle down as much as she would let herself. The wind cooled her down and gave her new energy after the recent events. So distracted by the wind's currents she was, she barely noticed that they were headed towards a cliff side! Ashla's eyes widened, snapping back into reality; she felt Black Shadow's hand grip her shoulder in warning, Ashla took it. Stomach churning, she pulled the reins extra hard, the horse reared up, briefly out of control. Ashla tried her best to keep things under control and after a couple moments of struggle, she finally calmed the horse down and they stopped- only a couple feet away from the cliff's edge.

Sweat dripping down her forehead and in her hair, Ashla looked towards the wooded area to see that the bandit's leader was at the edge of the trees watching them. After he saw that they had the horse under control, he nudged his horse closer to them. Ashla growled, she wouldn't let herself get detracted by anything again- Black Shadow and herself's lives both depended on it. Ashla whipped her hair back and drew her long-sword again looking to Black Shadow, "This is it." she told him, "We're at a dead end, we have to face him..."

[black shadow]

Black Shadow looked at Ashla as she said "This is it. We're at a dead end, we have to face him..." He pulled out his bow and redied an arow. okay, he has strenth, but there's two of us. all we need to do is surprise him. He thought to himself as he fired his arrow. The leader easily sliced the arrow in mid air, stopping it in its path. "Hahaha, you think that one of your silly arrows will kill me... Ardon Firil." The man said with a devilish smile on his face. Black Shadow's anger towards this man grew incredibly after he heard hs name repeated. You little son of a... calm down, calm down. You'll never win with anger. The leader charged, his sword held high in the air. Black Shadow took out one of his arows and ducked below the swing of the worriors sword. as he passed by, he stabbed the horses leg, sending the man flying off the edge. Black Shadow walked over to the cliff, caught off guard when the man grabbed his leg while holding onto a fine. He struggled to maintain balance. He pulled away, also pulling up the leader himself. Black Shadow used another arrow to stab the rider in the hand, causing him to release his leg, giving him time to take a few steps back.

[Ashla]

Ashla sneaked up behind the leader while he was painfully pulling the arrow out of his hand, she tightened the grip on her sword and dealt a death blow. He quickly turned around though and pulled out his own blade, blocking her sword, "Silly girl, do you think you can really stop an experienced bounty hunter like me?!" he mocked her.

Ashla's eyes darkened, I'm not just a silly girl! she placed her other hand on her short sword, spitting in his face.

He spit back at her, "I see your sneaky hand doing it's sneaky trick! Don't think I'd fall for that old trick again!"

Ashla smirked, "Maybe not, but with such a nerve-pulling person like me as your advocacy, who knows? I have a couple more surprises up my sleeves." she let him push her long-sword away from him and she pulled her long-knife up. Both her blades met his again for only a second before he pushed them away again and aimed for her head. The agile teen back flipped away from him and went up to him pulling another front attack, he easily blocked her quick blows and tried to hit her. Ashla blocked and again their blades were in a block.

The leader smirked at her, "I can see your an agile one, missy." he surprised her by pulling out an arrow and stabbing her leg. Ashla cried of pain and dropped her weapons, she looked up to see him swing at her again, Ashla barely dodged him. With her good leg, she kicked his sword out of his hand and drew her small knife she had recently acquired from a blacksmith at the bazaar, running up to him, desperately trying to stab him. Ashla was weakened now, her leg injury was bugging her mad despite her attempt at resistance. This man grabbed her hand and twisted her arm. Ashla dropped the blade and fell to her knees. She looked up to her winning opponent wondering, Where was Black Shadow?

[black shadow]

Black Shadow pulled out another arrow as he watched Ashla's arm be twisted by the man. He slowly moved closer, and just before the breaking point of Ashla's arm, he released the arrow, sending it into the back of the man. He yelled in pain and relesed Ashlas arm. He then threw the arrow Black Shadow had stabbed him in the hand with earlier, connecting with Black Shadow's arm. Black Shadow threw his hand to his wound. Gah! Dang! He took out another arrow and thoguth to himself, Any last words as he released it, killing the now defenseless man.

After this looked at his wound. I'm going to need medical help for this to heal. He looked at Ashla and saw her clutching her leg. She'll need some too. He walked over to the horse and lead it to Ashla, motioning her to get on it. he then took out an arrow and began writing in the dirt.


Take this horse and head to the nearest town. Get that leg healed, you won be able to walk if you don't. Take care of yourself, I hope we meet again someday.

[Ashla]

Ashla's eyes widened at what he wrote, she looked up at him and noticed his own injuries, "But you need a medic too!"

Ashla knew that she hated it when she had been abandoned in the past, she couldn't let the same happen to this man. The memory briefly flashed in her head:

"No! Julius, save me!" Ashla gasped as the men grabbed her. He bowed his head in silence, "I can't... I'm sorry."

Ashla's eyes widened as she realized, "You- You betrayed me! How could you!?" he had no time to reply though as the men took him away.

In the real world, Ashla chocked as she came back to reality, "Julius..."

Black Shadow's eyes showed confutation. Ashla realized she had said his name aloud and shook her head, "Forget that last part- come with me."

[black shadow]

[/I]Black Shadow listened to Ashla say "Julius." Julius? Who the heck is julius? He then heard her tell him to come with her. Black Shadow began to write again.


I... I can't. I can't show my face in civilization. Not yet anyways. My injury, it's fine, I'll be fine.

As he wrote the last part he looked up at Ashla with a clearly noticable fake smile. He then noticed the hard look of determination filling Ashla's face. Dang! I'm not going to change her mind. He thought to himself as he jumped back onto the horse with his strong hand. He then motioned his hand forward, telling Ashla to go to the next town for help. Enough had happened today and he hoped for the rest to go by like a normal day.

[Skie and Avery]

Plot ~ 10/30

Story ~ 3/10 – I feel like there was a lot of untouched potential. What story you had here was completely overshadowed by the lack of story clarity and clipped writing.

Setting ~ 3/10 – The setting wasn't really mentioned or used much. There were plenty of opportunities - peering through bunches of leaves, the sounds and smells of the horses, even the way riding a horse feels. When Black Shadows writes on the ground, have you ever written in the dirt with a stick? The stick drags, there are little weeds in with the soil, and the furrows of dirt that get kicked up around the stick can tumble and obscure letters and lines. These are just little details that can make the story come alive for your readers.

Pacing ~ 4/10 - The pacing wasn't terribly bad, though with the lack of detail it did feel rushed. I felt you did better towards the end, because black shadow and BlueGhost seemed to just work very well together to play off of each other and write a cohesive scene, which was something that I felt was missing in the first couple of pages of the thread.

Character ~ 9/30

Communication ~ 3/10 – I liked that Black Shadow tried multiple avenues to communicate with Sentinel and Ashla. Sign language and writing things down were great ideas for expression of a mute character, but you have to understand realism. You wrote your entire life history in the dirt. A suggestion, go outside sometime and write these things in the sand or soil, see how long it takes, how difficult it is, how HUGE the area of writing is, and most of all, how it makes you feel to huddle over, crabwalking along as you scrawl with a stick. Because this is the way you communicate, these are the things that need to be taken into account when you use this method. I liked that Sentinel inferred at first and when Black Shadow started writing, felt proud that he'd been correct.

Action ~ 2/10 – You lost a lot of points here for lack of good description. At one point, black shadow wrote that he killed two guards. Just one sentence, like that. Well, how? I also thought it was seriously cliched that just as he said that they were safe, here come guys on horseback! They get killed and there's just enough time for this ridiculously time consuming explanation and everyone to come to an understanding of the simple facts of the situation before they're attacked again. Some chaos, but not really a level of it that draws me in or makes me even apprehensive for the fate of our heroes.

Persona ~ 4/10 - I didn't really get a feel for black shadow's personality. Is he a hero, a villain, an antihero? I felt like Sentinel was able to give him more of a personality than came through in black shadow's writing when his character felt confusion and questioned black shadow's nature. Ashla's personality was consistent in that it was vapid, but the glimpses into her backstory didn't contribute much to the character when they weren't elaborated on.

Prose ~ 7/30

Mechanics ~ 2/10 – There were a great many mistakes, especially between BlueGhost and black shadow. You definitely want to know the meaning of the words you use. At one point it was said that black shadow sprawled towards something and back, which gave me the mental image of him doing an open-armed worm across the forest floor. Hilarious, but likely not what you were going for. BlueGhost said at one point that she saw confutation in Black Shadow's eyes. Hey, that's a real word, but likely not something you're going to see in someone's expression. There were a lot of words that weren't misspelled but misused, or misspellings that Spellcheck wouldn't catch (like using fine instead of vine). A lot of commas weren't used correctly, as well as run-on sentences or times where a period was just left out when it was obvious that a single sentence was meant to be two or three. These are all small things that really distract the reader from being able to get into the story and enjoy it.

Clarity~ 2/10 – What clarity? There are two instances here that really struck a nerve with me. One was when Ashla and Black Shadow were on horseback. From reading, I thought that BS was in the front, and Ashla behind him. She was able to engage in swordplay with a rider that came up behind them. And then somehow she was able to take the reins while he shot arrows, but there was no mention of how awkward it was, that Ashla's face ended up in his armpit and she couldn't see, how BS had to twist his body to shoot, how that might have affected him. And then his hand was on her shoulder? Did he reach back or was he suddenly behind her? I just don't understand.

Secondly, no one seemed to be able to keep straight if the attacking party were the guys Black Shadow's father had sent after him, bandits that had been at war with Black Shadow's people, bounty hunters also after Black Shadow, or just city guards that were jerks and had for some reason kidnapped Ashla because she didn't have any food?

Technique ~ 3/10 - There was no real technique here. Sentences tended to be simple, and there was no description. Just using writing techniques such as metaphor (comparing the approaching hoofbeats of the guards' horses to an oncoming storm, for instance) will not only add a richness to your writing but help the setting come alive and earn a better score not only here but also under Story. I'm not saying that your writing style needs to be flowery and filled to the brim with description. One member here once wrote five pages describing a drop of water falling. There is such a thing as too much, but what you have here feels more like a skeleton - an outline of writing - than the finished product.

Wildcard: 3/10 - I wanted to like this, I really did. However, it felt incomplete and not for a lack of ending. I think you're moving in the right direction, and I'm looking forward to seeing you improve.

Total ~ 29/100

black shadow gains 600exp and 150gp
Sentinel gains 464exp and 140gp
BlueGhostofSeaside gains 232exp and 70gp

[Letho]

EXP/GP added.