The Althanas Roast Thread

[Roc]

I was trying to get other people to make this thread since I made the last one, but Luned swears she isn't interesting and Christoph's just a bitch. So here I am again.

Some simple rules before we start. Nothing to get your panties in a wad over; just some technicalities and Future Butthurt Prevention.

A roast is an event in which a person ever-so-kindly volunteers himself to be made fun of for the sake of the amusement of the masses. The first person to post in this thread as a volunteer will officially assume the position. The rest of Althanas has three days to give him/her/it everything they've got. If they wish, they may also volunteer to be the next sheep thrown to the wolves.

At the end of that three day period (or when the roastee has had enough, whichever comes first) the last roastee will choose the next person to take the place on the dais for three days. So the cycle will repeat until we run out of interesting people to grill and/or demonstrate our ADD and wander away.

Upon taking the baton, the roastee reserves the right to make note of any subject which he/she would prefer that the masses not target. The purpose of the thread is levity, not to hurt feelings. Please keep this in mind as you prepare your jabs.

Other than that, everything goes, the funnier the better. Now who's first?

[Christoph]

and Christoph's just a bitch.
You're a bitch. :p I already gave you permission to put me on the chopping block first if you couldn't think of anyone else.

[Duffy]

Christoph is too easy.

(Which is both a roast, and a comment about his suitability for said roast :cool:).

[Ebivoulya]

Chris is an appropriate receptacle.

He is, after all, the only one of the hobos he plays trumpet with who can afford dolls. Not to mention the fact that for five years he has been one of the more promising noobs on this site. He may have done a few 'favors' to get onto staff in the past, but thankfully dirks handled most of his mistakes, and gave him a few writing tips as well. He's like the adorable retarded kid everyone always encourages; let him have his time in the spotlight, I say.

[Christoph]

You're just mad because I never offered you any 'favors'. :D

[Aurelianus Drak'shal]

You dress in the manner of a male prostitute.

That is all.

[Jack Frost]

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

There are times that I wonder which will take longer; the completion of Christoph's solo "Red-Stained Night", or him regaining the respect of anyone who got their from-Earth character concept shat upon.

[Slayer of the Rot]

You're a big posh sod with plums in your mouth BaBe. Also the plums have mutated and have got beaks. That aside, you're one of a few remaining authors whose work I'll follow, and go out of my way to read. The list contains Blueraven or whatever she calls himself these days, if that counts for anything. You make pigs smoke though, you waste of skin.

[Aurelianus Drak'shal]

Two things Slayer:

A- Really? Quoting that twat? Alan Partridge is a talentless wanker, and every word out of his mouth is like a turd falling into my drink. (And if you know who I'm quoting there, you may regain some small modicum of respect ;) )

B- we're roasting Christoph, not BaBE.

[Christoph]

Eh, looks like my three days are up, anyway. So, with that said, I might as well nominate our ever-inebriated friend Slayer of the Rot as the next target. =D

Seriously, I've figured out why Slayer always vanishes for extended periods of time. He's just so high all the time that he actually -thinks- he's posting on Althanas, when he's actually only staring at the wall and eating frozen Taquitos.

[Mordelain]

'Talentless hack'.

That is all.

[Aurelianus Drak'shal]

I've never actually spoken to Slayer, that I can recall, so I'll go with the default reply:

He's a wanker.

[Jack Frost]

One time slayer got so high he complimented one of my threads...

[Slayer of the Rot]

I don't know if it's roasting if it's all true.

Fuck uh, let's pick on Duffy Bracken. Duffy, I think you're a narrow chested bitchy woman. I can't figure out if this is false. I've been sifting through your stuff and I can't find a hint of masculinity. But this is the internet, so you must have some warped form of testicles.

Christ, I don't know. I'm so strung out I can see the veins glowing in my eyes.

[Mordelain]

Is that all you have?

:confused:

[Itera]

Duffy, your inventive use of the English language astounds and amazes me, by which I mean that "astound" stands for "baffles with their horribly inappropriate placement and context" and "amaze" stands for "render indistinguishable from the incoherent ramblings of a developmentally challenged monkey doused up to the cheekpads in fermented fruits."

[Mordelain]

When you edit your formatting errors and stop using Americanisations, I'll take that on board ;).

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

I'm hesitant to roast me oul' pal Duffy; for if I hit a nerve and cause him to storm off all huffy, Althanas will suddenly lose 60% of its active PCs.

Also, I love reading Duffy's battles. I could spend hours browsing through each individual paragraph he writes... mostly because hours pass in game-time between each paragraph he writes.

:P