Wanting Again.

[grim137]

Open. Takes place before all threads involving Xanbata Grim and the IK

Xanbata Grim was not somebody you’d think you’d usually be able to find wanting. The alliance that he had formed with the ancient necromancer Do’Negh had proved fruitful and everything somebody could normally want had been given to him. This included wealth, land, status, power, you name it. Everything.

And for a long time that was enough. While Do’negh worked on his own machinations, the hedonistic vampire was left to his own devices. For the first few years he traveled the world, from the northern tip of Salvar to the southern most regions of the Dutlands seeing the sights and indulging himself in their customs and traditions.

Eventually that got boring and Xanbata Grim found himself wanting again.

Once the boredom began to creep in again and when that happened he began to indulge in less socially acceptable pleasures. Drugs, sex, gambling, crimes of all sorts you name it he did it. Althanas was a strange and exotic place where magic often ran rampant. With no fear of being poisoned to death and the resources to acquire any ingredient he’d been able send his mind and body on some wild trips.

As for sex well Althanas was filled with some rather unique races and a large number of very eccentric individuals and in his quest to keep himself busy he’d decided not to limit himself to any one race, gender or specific fetish and instead engaged in them all. With his money and connections it was not hard to find consenting partners and with his power consent or lack thereof was never really an issue anyways.

These actions caused Xanbata to develop a reputation. Some saw him as eccentric even fascinating. These people made for good sexual partners and an easy source of food, sometimes both in the same night. Others called him a degenerate and a pervert to which Xanbata usually responded with complete apathy. A few who felt particularly bothered by the vampire had decided to make judicious use of their regions laws regarding duels. Those same few would never be bothered by anything ever again.

For many years these antics served as a pleasurable distraction to the blood drinker but just like the travels, the fine cuisine and all other things, they soon got boring and Xanbata Grim found himself wanting again.

That was what led the monster to Radasanth’s red light district. With high society no longer fulfilling the void that Xanbata felt he’d gone to the low society and had taken up mercenary work. Eventually this led him to taking a job from one of the region’s most powerful crime families. They wanted him to send a message to another such family. One that would instill a message of fear far that was far too loud to be ignored. They’d even given him a starting point, The Scarlet Witch, one of the wealthiest and largest brothels in Corone.

The place was a large three story mahogany building that often contained the who’s who of the rich and sleazy. Two hours, twenty six women, thirty five men and two dogs ago it had been a quite a bustling joint. Now it was as cold and dead as the night around it. The family had asked him to limit his victims to those in the other family and anybody that tried to protect them. Xanbata had decided that was too complicated and instead used his unique talents to ensure that no one survived.

Call girl, client, mafia member, hired muscle, hungry dog. On that night the monster’s prevalida blade did not discriminate and the results were not what most would call pretty. Blood, guts, body parts and other gore painted walls, floor and ceiling and the pungent rotting stench of it all hung thick in the air. The deaths had not been quick and they had certainly not been painless. This could be seen in the contorted features, looks of horror and of course some of the dead silent screams that could be seen in the faces of the victims that had their heads mostly intact.

For Xanbata Grim the whole experience could best be described as fun while it lasted. The creature had spent multiple lives on the battlefield. He’d seen carnage and death first hand and had ended more lives than he’d ever remember. The scene while grisly and disgusting to some and delightfully morbid to others invoked no feelings at all into him. The sights and smells of his work were nothing more than exactly that that to him.

Thus as he leaned on the bar and wiped his blade down with an old rag he felt bored again. It turned out “everything” did not include a goal or a purpose and without one living for eternity was not such a great thing. Without orders to follow or a cause to fight for Xanbata Grim found himself wanting again.

[Silence Sei]

“It's still fresh,” Emma Orlouge, third eldest daughter of the Orlouge clan ran her blood soaked fingers against one another, “the killer is still in the area.” The breeze from the window behind her ruffled her dark hair, her posture straight as a board. Emma had heard the cry from help from several buildings down. Of course, her father had heard the plea several seconds before it had actually been proclaimed to the world. Such was the gift of the telepath; knowing what was going to be said before one would actually say it.

Emma turned around to face her father, the wind throwing the white fur cloth draped over his side to and fro. “He's still downstairs,” the mute remarked, scanning the slumped over body of the slain escort. Her black dress had been ripped to ribbons in the back, long trails of blood still flowing down her pale buttocks. “Whoever this is, he is far from professional.”

Emma looked at her father, her eyebrows raised and her voice now reduced to a whisper. “You mean, we're still here in the building, with the killer, and you're still investigating the crime scene?! Are you insane, Father?!”

“If the Imperial troops realized we were gallivanting around Radasanth tonight, they would lock us up for sure. While I still fully intend to bring the rouge behind this atrocity to justice, I need to make sure he wasn't working for anybody.” Sei kneeled down to the ankle of the lifeless body, pointing towards a black mark around the achilles tendon. Emma walked over to her father to looked down, squinting so that her eyes could make out the black ink amongst the crimson liquids that tried to cover it up.

“She was a member of the Medala family. They're a crime organization that specializes in women trafficking and peddling drugs. I've always heard rumors that they were in a sort of cold war with their rivals, the Impressarios. I never thought either family would take things this far. The Impressarios have to be desperate for hired muscle.” Sei stood up, Emma immediately following suit.

“What makes you say that?”

“Look at the walls, the floor. Observe the whole room. Emma did as she was told, her eyes looking at the once white walls, now tarnished with a darkened red. The light brown carpeting below their feet revealed two trails of blood leaving out of the room, as well as a single pair of what appeared to be male footprints.

“He doesn't care if he gets found out,” Emma explained out loud, mostly to herself, “he must have just been hired to do the job, and just became completely psychotic once he got in here. There's no consistent cuts or stabs in either victim.” Emma pointed at her feet, where a male suitor for the night lay in his white briefs, now forever stained a combination of brown, yellow, and red. “He was terrified of dying, so much so that he released his bowels before he died.”

“One actually releases their bowels upon death, but your deductions were good, my girl.” Sei stepped over the corpse, his own nostrils adapted to the stench of death, of bodily functions. Emma, in recent weeks, had grown accustomed to such rancid smells as well. The mute carefully followed the blood trails, careful where he set his foot down. One wrong noise, after all, would alert the killer to his presence.

The telepath made his way past the ivory door, his eyes glancing down for just a moment at the blood stained 'do not disturb' insert placed on the knob outside. Within seconds, the Mystic laid his eyes upon the suspect. He was wiping his blade casually upon the bar, as if the still corpse of the mustachioed male bartender was not a few feet from him, the crossbow still gripped tightly in his cold, dead hands. Sei shook his head in disgust of the cold blooded murders that had taken place. If he did not stop this man, here and now, the merciless bastard would just be free to kill again.

He reached to his left side, grabbing one of the bladed rings connected at his hip. He threw the projectile towards the man, his target being the weapon in his hands. If the mute could disarm this maniac, he would be at a distinct advantage. Crime family or not, loved ones should never be left wanting for their people to come home.

[grim137]

The blood lust that Sei had mentioned wasn't much different than most other highs which among other things meant that it was usually followed by a rather potent come down. In the past this feeling had driven him mad. The shame and the guilt he'd felt when he was done chasing the rush he got had been so intense he could vividly remember contemplating suicide.

Oh the follies of youth.

Nowadays the monster would have told you the feeling was far more like a post orgasm glow. It made him feel good actually. Happy and relaxed would be the best way to describe it. Yet along with those feelings came a distinct feeling of tiredness and apathy.

It was due to this pleasant apathy that Xanbata had not gone after the two figures. Sure he'd known they were there. He'd sensed them come through the door on the roof though how they had gotten there in the first place he couldn't say. Instead he'd observed their curious energies, the man and the girl whom Xanbata assumed was the man's daughter. He couldn't help but wonder just what exactly they were as they were certainly more than human.

The man in particular felt the most interesting and Xanbata would have been content to just observe the two with his sixth sense for the remainder of the night had the man not decided to be a hero. When that happened it became business as usual.

The monster rolled quickly off the blood stained counter top, narrowly avoided the projectile. Before he even hit the now wet, red carpet a blast of energy erupted from his body. It flew towards the wall where the teenage girl stood on the other side, likely unaware of his awareness of her presence. If left uninterrupted the effects would be predictable enough.

The blast would hit the thin wooden wall and explode like a grenade, emitting roughly the same amount of concussive force in her direction. It would be loud and it would be painful. Even if she wasn't at all damaged by the force of the blast itself which was unlikely, it the wooden shrapnel created by the broken boards that would be shot like bullets in her direction probably would. It wasn't guaranteed to kill her but he figured it would at least knock her out which was good enough. Xanbata didn't see her as a threat and thus didn't immediately need her dead. No he simply wanted prevent her from becoming a nuisance during the rest of the fight.

That just left the man.

Xanbata hit the ground on his hands and knees and immediately shot towards his new opponent, careful to avoid any bodies, furniture or patches of slippery entrails left over from his last little escapade. In a split second the monster had covered the short distance between the bar and the door and in the blink an eye his sharp, prevalida blade, which was now blanketed by its wielder’s evil energies was thrust forward towards the man's gut.

[Silence Sei]

The boards cracked beneath the power of the blast, sending massive sized chunks of wood splintering off in every direction. The round circle made from the energy projections impact still smoldered, puffs of gray rising up. The attack itself was harmless towards its target, the blasted boards being bounced off by a bubble that caressed the girl's body. All around Emma's form, the air itself began to crack, forming spiderweb like fractures down her body. A hand quickly reached for her father's shoulder, the breaking air quickly encasing the mute Mystic as well.

That was when the invisible barrier shattered, sending crystalline glass shards flying in every direction. Both Emma and Sei losing sight of their target during the effects of Mystic Protection. Emma was a bit slower to find Xanbata's form, but her father had already begun to go on the defensive again. As the blade thrusted forward, preparing to be introduced to the telepath's insides, Sei grabbed his second chakram from his right hip. The warrior quickly brought the weapon across his form, the sword going through the middle of the weapon only to be deflected by the ring itself.

Sei's eyes watched as his opponent stumbled backwards, his hand still firmly attached to his blade. Any amateur would have lost their grip the instant he had warded off the attack. Without even looking at his daughter, Sei thrusted his free arm behind him, pushing the girl back into the room from wince she came. He could hear her collapse on the floor, as well as a shocked yelp, but his daughter's safety was his top priority at the moment.

“You're good,” Sei's eyes narrowed, the eerie quiet of the destroyed whorehouse sending chills down the hero's spine, “But know that you face Sei Orlouge, Hero of Radasanth, in battle. This is your only chance to surrender, to atone for the atrocities you have committed today. If you give up your employers names and details on where he or she can be found, you may get off a little easier for this. There is no need for any more bloodshed.”

Even in the midst of battle, Sei's compassion still shone through. Emma Orlouge watched from within the blood soaked room for any physical signs of the strangers answer. She hoped that the chivalry of the Orlouge patriarch showed would not be his undoing.

[grim137]

Xanbata Grim actually laughed.

After the quick exchange the had led to the sounds of clashing weapons and not much else, an exchange that, much to monster's surprise, actually saw him on the losing end, it became apparent to Xanbata that this person was not your typical run of the mill, hero for hire type. And it wasn't just because the magical glass maneuver that he and his daughter had demonstrated though that could have certainly been considered a sign. No, it was his speed. Xanbata had encountered very few men capable of keep up with him and any normal person would have ended up strewn across the room with the rest of the corpses but this was different.

What had started out as just another boring, hum drum massacre had turned into something far more entertaining and the vampire couldn't help but smile. He was actually having fun. So he laughed when Sei spoke. It wasn't an ominous evil laugh, or condescending chuckle either but an actual joyful laugh.

Xanbata lowered his hands down in an casual, nonthreatening position and relaxed is posture a bit. It wasn't lost on him that the whole nonthreatening was a bit of a hard sell when you were standing in a room full of fresh gore from the dozens of people that you had killed especially when he wasn't willing to go as far as sheathing his weapon. Still he wanted to talk to Sei a bit and learn more about the interesting hero before the fighting resumed so the monster at tried to make the effort.

“That was the most fun I've had all night,” said the vampire as the cuts he received on his face and neck from the magical glass closed themselves up “so I don't think I'll be surrendering but if all you want is names I can give you those. I was hired Giovanni Impressario. The fat little shit came into power after his father got sick and I guess he was worried people would realize he was weak or something so he hired me to send a message to some rivals. In fact he'll probably come by soon to deliver my payment and inspect my work. I was thinking grabbing a bite to eat when he does. If you and your daughter want to stay for dinner I know a great recipe for pork chops.”

[Silence Sei]

It seemed odd to the Mystic that this man would suddenly become so civil after the murder attempt on both Sei and Emma. It was not often that the 'Hero of Radasanth' managed to talk a vicious monster out of continued slaughter (or at the least the attempt thereof), so it caught the mute a bit off guard when the employer was given so quickly. The offer to stay and wait for Giovanni Impressario further surprised him, though his face gave no indication outside of a minor eyebrow twitch. Something was very wrong, and it was not just the dozens of slaughtered bodies that surrounded the three of them.

"Very well," Sei replied, his weapons quickly sheathed, "I accept your offer."

"You can't be serious, Father!" Emma shouted as she came outside of the room she was just thrown in. The bottom of her brown hide pants were covered in some of the blood that painted the floor. Her body trembled as she tried to regain her bearings, and send a mental protest to her dad. "This guy just killed all these people and now we're going to have dinner with him?! You can't be serious!"

"Friends close, and enemies closer, Emma," Sei spoke of an adage he learned a long time ago in his journeys, "If he's so willing to give us all that information, perhaps we could use him to garner more. If what he says is true, we can send away Impressario for a very long time, if not forever."

"I still don't like it," she mumbled as she reached her father's side. Sei nodded to the girl so she knew he heard her, before looking back to the mercenary.

He took the hand of his daughter and made his way down the stairs, his battle instincts still at the go should his suddenly friendly foe launch a counter attack. When the duo reached the bottom of the stairs, they could hear the splats their shoes made as they trudged through the puddles of blood. The entire house of debauchery was painted red, and smelled of death. No doubt Giovanni would be here rather quickly to pay and go before the local guard arrived.

They approached two green stools that were miraculously not coated with with someone's crimson lifeforce and sat. Sei's stomach churned at the very idea of such casual acts in this setting. He took a hard gulp before he looked back towards his 'host'. "I am assuming, of course, that these pork chops are not courtesy of your victims?"

He could hear Emma beside him swallow her own vomit at the thought. She was not the only one sickened at the idea...

[grim137]

Xanbata was just as surprised as Emma when Sei took him up on his offer. The vampire was trying to be facetious which didn't work when your insidious implication when over the hero's head. But in a strange way it might have made sense. The monster could tell that Sei and Emma were more than human and in more ways than one so who was to say they weren't predators as well. Xanbata had been out of the game for far too long to be expected to know every creature and every hero that roamed the planet so he supposed it made sense.

He slowly followed Sei down the stairs into the main room of the brothel where the patrons would wait to be served by it's staff. On the far end of the room was another bar, and behind that were the doors to the kitchen. The vampire slowly made is way over the bar and it's green stools. When he got there he reached behind it. His calloused fingers gripped the neck of a crystal wine decanter filled with sangria and closed with an ornate glass stopper. With a flick of the wrist he removed the stopper and took a swig as Sei spoke again.

“No of course not,” said the Xanbata nonchalantly as he offered to decanter to his soon to be dinner guests “the meat would be too stringy. For pork chops you really need a nice fatty cut.”

He couldn't help himself. Just because he could twist his logic around and find a rational explanation for why his earlier remark flew over Sei's head like stray arrow it didn't mean it was any less annoying. The vampire liked to consider himself the eccentric, exotic type of terror and that only worked when people understood what he was talking about.

“Giovanni should be here soon,” he added “I can feel him near...”

Before Xanbata could even finish his sentence the main doors burst open and a short, fat, dark skinned man decked out in most fashionable clothes Corone had to offer walked in. Behind him was a larger, more heavily armed man, clad in leather armors with a club holstered on one side of his waist and a small, repeating crossbow on the other. At the sight and smell of the gore both men seemed feel sick, especially the smaller one who began to dry heave a bit.

“Giovanni, my friend,” said Xanbata as he got and walked over to the smaller man with his arms held wide and a shark like grin on his face. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Sei and Emma tense up.

“Can it...urp... vampire,” said Giovanni who still seemed to have to fight to keep his lunch down “Who THE FUCK are they?” he continued, his fat finger pointing at Xanbata's would be dinner guests.

“Nobody important, just some acquaintances of mine ,” responded the monster nonchalantly “Now about my payment.”

By now Giovanni had regained some color in his face though he still looked easy. The glutenous goon glared at the sadistic sell sword. “Pay you? After what you did...”

“After I did what you hired me to do,” clarified Xanbata.

“I hired you to send a message to the Medalas.”

“Which I did because you couldn't.”

By now the tension in the room had become almost as thick as the stench of blood. Off to the side Xanbat could see that Giovanni's bodyguard had his hand on the trigger of that nice little repeater crossbow of his. The vampire himself had moved his hand to the hilt of his blade. He couldn't afford to turn his head an look be he didn't doubt that the two Orlouges were readying themselves for a fight as well.

Guess he wasn't going to have a nice dinner after all.

“I told you explicitly that there were to be no unnecessary casualties!” spat Giovanni.

“Cowardly little inheritance brats like you tell me a lot of things. Now either pay me or you and your little boy toy over there will end up like the rest of these people.”

In all the excitement Xanbata Grim had actually forgotten he had planned slay Giovanni Impressario anyways not that it mattered now. Xanbata's brash insult of the egotistical mob boss snaped the already strained air of peace and decorum.

“How dare you!” squealed Giovanni with rage and indignation as his body guard began to move.

Out of the corner of his eye Xanbata Grim could see the large man begin to draw his weapon and the vampire's reaction was exactly what you would expect from a highly trained killer and a heavily evolved predator. In one swift movement the monster crouched low, spun around to face his would be assailant and drew his prevalida blade in a precise and practiced arc. The monster's enhanced speed and strength gave it more than enough force to easily cut through the leather armor and rip upwards into the mans midriff just underneath his rib cage. The now useless bag of meat fell backwards, his large hands pressed in vain against the gaping wound in a feeble attempt to keep his guts from spilling out all over the carpeted floor.

If Xanbata had died that instant the look on Giovanni's fat face would have allowed him to die happy. The fat man turned and bolted to the door but the much faster Xanbata Grim got to him first. The hungry predator grabbed his prey by the back of the head and threw him to the ground. Licking his lips the monster raised his blade when...


You don't want to kill him!

...he stopped unable to go through with it. Something was wrong. Quickly Giovanni scrambled to his feet and began running towards Sei and Emma, begging and pleading for his life.

“Please help me,” he practically sobbed, “I can make you both rich and powerful, just please don't let that monster get me.”

The monster in question snarled and raised his hand, pointing his palm at the now sniveling pig that used to insult him by daring to pretend to be someone deserving of authority and power. The outstretched limb crackled and glow with a dark power, a real power but then...


You don't want to kill him.

...he stopped again, unable to bring himself to fire his blast and blow Giovanni into bacon bits. Something was very wrong. Something was preventing him from killing Giovanni. It wasn't guilt, fear nor compassion and it certainly wasn't apathy or a lack or real desire. To a creature like Xanbata Grim a man like Giovanni Impressario was barely a step above low grade live stock. Then it dawned on him. Sei or Emma must have been using some sort of spell to stay his hand and spare Giovanni's life. Now angry that he'd lost control of the situation the vampire looked over at the two mystics and snarled.

“Release me from your spell.”

[Silence Sei]

"I assure you that I hold you under no spell" Sei shrugged his shoulders while Emma tried not to snicker behind him. "Perhaps you feel guilt over the deaths of all these people, and don't wish for anymore bloodshed?"

Sei waved his hands forwards as if to show Grim that he did not posses any magical item. Emma smirked as she watched this for she knew that her father was once again in the midst of his 'Force Persuade' ability. The elder Orlouge spoke the truth in that Force Persuade was not technically a spell, but a telepathic ability that only the strongest minds could exploit. Sei clasped his hands together as if in prayer as he looked towards the husky man known as Giovanni. "If I were in your shoes, I would escape while I could."

The rotund man nodded and began to run only to have his round body slip on some of the blood upon the hardwood floor. He quickly rose, his clothes stained with a fresh paint of crimson, and rushed through the door. Screams echoed from the outside, no doubt somebody who saw the freshly blood soaked Giovanni and panicked. Sei was confident that if the guard was not alerted before, they surely would be now. Emma's eyes widened as she witnessed these events, and Sei knew that the girl's mind was already at work.

"That just leaves you," Sei spoke to their new 'friend', "I just granted you a gift. If you leave with me and my daughter right now, the authorities will pin the blame of this solely of Giovanni's shoulders. Since he is the one that paid you, he clearly is just as responsible as you are for this slaughter. However..." Sei looked around and raised his arms as if to showcase Xanbata's kills like they were trophies, "I can not in good conscious let you leave here without being in our custody. This can either go one of two ways now."

"Oh?" Xanbata snarled, "And what are those?"

"The peaceful or violent way." Sei spoke the words as if they were set in stone, "Though I have a feeling you will choose the latter."

[grim137]

“Do you think you're the first psychic I've met?” spat Xanbata Grim as Sei reprimanded him and tried to pass off his inability to kill as some sort of guilt.

The way Se spoke down to him like he had the intelligence of a small child infuriated the vampire. The disrespectful, snickering from the psiychic's snide daughter only made things worse and Xanbata found himself glaring daggers at the girl before he turned his gaze back toward Sei and looked the hero of Radasanth dead in the eyes as the hero continued his speech.

When Sei spoke of Giovanni getting blamed the sociopathic sell sword had to stifle a snicker of his own. The deal had been made in the back room of some shady mob owned dive bar with nothing more than a word and a handshake. Even the guards that weren't on the Impressario family pay role had no proof. Giovanni would deny it, blame it on somebody else and get away scot-free. If Sei wanted to see the mobster brought to justice he should have let Xanbata kill him.

Sei's next question however warranted a good bit more consideration. The vampire knew the power of the psychic dwarfed his own. He could sense it. What he wanted to know was by how much. He'd spent so much time around guys like Giovanni who thought they were the greatest things that the Thaynes had ever created just because they were wealthy that meeting somebody who was truly powerful and thus, according Xanbata's ideals, actually deserved respect felt like a rare treat. It was an opportunity that he didn't want to waste.

Of course as badly as he wanted to see what Sei could do, he wanted to live even more and he wasn't sure if Sei would kill him. That wasn't even accounting for the guards that were bound to show up sooner or later.

“I like you Sei,” said Grim with a smile “so lets make a deal. If you draw blood, I'll lay down my weapons and surrender peacefully. Deal?”

With out even waiting for the hero to answer the vampire charged at full speed, covering the short distance between the two in the blink of an eye. The monster swung his sword in a quick and deadly arch. One that would cut the mystic's throat if left unanswered. He wanted a fight, a real fight, not just an easy slaughter, and before the night was through Sei was going to give him one.

[Silence Sei]

It was a simple challenged that Xanbata issued; if the Orlouge patriarch could draw just a little bit of blood, the killer would go along with the Ixians willingly. He looked to Emma for just a moment, and the girl simply nodded. This was not only an exercise to take in a vicious murderer, but also a test of the daughter’s judgment as a leader. Sei looked back to see the blue that was once Xanbata Grim, and quickly shifted downwards.

The white cloth draped around the mute’s right shoulder wrapped itself around the blade of the assassin’s weapon. He tugged on the cloth with a throw of his shoulder, and the sword instantly left its owner’s grip. The weapon slip across the pool of blood with a metallic ‘tink’ sound, and Sei reared his arm back.

The cloth then quickly wrapped around the stomach of Xanbata. While the vampire would most likely think of this as a harmless distraction, the cloth known as Jomil's Touch was far more than a simple fur cloth. Whatever inanimate object the fashion piece wrapped around would temporarily rot and rust said objects. The Mystic only hoped he gave the cloth enough time to rot the armor of his foe thoroughly enough.

With a half-smile, Sei reared his arm back and attempted to plant a fist into the gut of his new foe. His hope was to bring blood out of the man’s mouth and end the battle then and there. Whether the blood came from the rusted metal pierced into Grim's skin or the fist making contact with skin, the end result would hopefully b the same.

Sei was not in the mood to carry a vampire over his shoulder.

Emma ran towards the blade the second it hit the ground. In her mind, if she could keep the monster behind this massacre disarmed, her father would have a better chance of quickly ending the fight. Her foot was placed upon the hilt of the weapon around the time Sei’s punch hurdled towards the undead creature. After she took a deep breath, Emma prayed that the abomination that slaughtered these people would not put her on his list next.

[grim137]

Sei's attack was...unusual to say the least. Xanbata Grim knew something was up when Sei whipped out the cloth. He just had no idea what. As the strange item wrapped itself around the vampire's sword his instinct was to let go of his weapon and come up with a different plan of attack. He figured it let himself be disarmed than risk being tied up by Sei's strange,magical weapon and become disabled. He heard the weapon clank on the bloody ground some distance behind him and felt Sei's daughter run over to it but payed her no mind. Xanbata had bigger things to worry about.

When Sei's next attack came the blood drinker didn't even try to avoid it, wrongly thinking that whatever enchantment was on the cloth was a simple prehensile one. As it wrapped around Xanbata's muscular, armored torso the vampire continued moving forward. He ignored Sei's blow opting to absorb it and try and ignore the resulting pain and loss of breath for a second as he thrust palm of the hand that hadn't held his sword forward toward the mystic's mouth. From a there was another glow of energy as the blast that had been meant for Giovanni was shot at Sei. At such a close distance Xanbata Grim was very curious to see how Sei Orlouge would stop it.

In all his excitement the adrenaline and blood lust charged vampire didn't even notice that he had lost according to the terms of his own deal. Sei's cloth had corroded away his armor and the hero's punch had caused broken fragments of the rusted metal to bite deeply into it's wearer's skin. Dark red and foul smelling, the vampire's blood dribbled visibly down his stomach. Once somebody noticed, there would be no doubt.

Sei had won.

[Silence Sei]

The mute’s smile was wiped completely off of his features when he saw the energy start to well up in his opponent’s hand. Sei’s garb was wrapped around the vampire so Mystic Protection was impossible. The Mystic scowled as the blast slammed into his face and sent his body across the air. He skimmed across the bar like a stone upon a lake and knocked over the bottles and glasses that rested upon the wood.

When he slid off of the bar, his eyes were closed and his breaths were labored. Emma looked with wide eyes and mouth agape as she saw her unconscious father strewn on the bloodied bar floor, his grey gi in tatters and his exposed flesh a smoky black color. Her eyes shifted to the source of the attack, where Xanbata was busily focused on the blood at his sternum. The girl reached down and picked up the rusted sword even though she knew all too well that the weapon would be useless now.

She approached the vampire with caution, each step shaky as she grew closer. The picture of her prone patriarch stuck with her even as she was inches from the distracted killer. She straightened her back as Sei always taught her to do. She took a deep breath and began to speak, an attempt to hide the fear that welled up in her gut.

“You have lost your challenge,” there was a dignity in her voice now as though each syllable empowered her, “You will now uphold your end of the bargain. Since my father drew blood, you are to return with us in the custody of the Ixian Knights. You will be under my charge until then. Your first order of business is to pick up my father and follow me back to Ixian Castle.”

As the third eldest Orlouge daughter spoke, she silently sheathed the monster’s sword into its holster at his side. It was the art of distraction, another thing she learned from her father. She could see the disappointment in the vampire’s eyes so it was something she capitalized on. “I’m sorry the battle did not go as you planned, if it’s any consolation Mister…”

Her demeanor changed instantly and she shifted her head into a tilt, “Come to think of it, I don’t believe you’ve introduced yourself…”

[grim137]

“Is...that it?” said Xanbata through labored breath. The disappointment oozed from his lips like the blood from his stomach as he looked down at Sei.

After all the build up, all the banter, all the show boating and the peak cocking. All of the power that Xanbata Grim could sense seeping from the elder Orlouge. After all that it was all over all too quickly. For moment the sadomasochistic swordsman remained tensed with the hope and expectation that it was all some sort of ruse on the mystic's part but when no such attack came Xanbata's shoulders slumped dejectedly.

Sei Orlouge was supposed to have been a challenge, instead he left Xanbata Grim wanting again.

“My names Xanbata,” said the monster solemnly as he turned to face Sei's bratty daughter.

He didn't care about her orders or his deal. Even hurt and tired as he was he doubted she'd be able to stop him if he decided to go back on his word and give her and her father a hero's death. Luckily for the courageous young woman there were others factors to the decision. Outside in the distance he could hear horses and heavy, armored covered foot steps. He heard mean barking orders and could feel them moving into position. The guards had arrived and once they secured the parameter they would likely bust in with weapons drawn. Even if the girl helped him, and that was a big if, the creature would not be able to fight off all of them.

Xanbata turned his head and looked down at the unconscious Sei Orlouge before turning his attention back to Emma.

“In the Ixian Knights are there others like him?” asked Xanbata still trying to figure out who he was going to turn himself over to.

“Dozens of them,” responded Emma with a strong sense of confidence despite any danger she might have been in “and they'll come after you.”

“Okay then...”

It was either go escape with Emma and her father or stay, fight and get either captured or killed by the Empire's finest. Given the choice Xanbata decided it would be more fun to take his chances with the devil that he didn't know.

“...lets go.”

Xanbata winced as he hoisted the unconscious Sei onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry position. The added pressure to his core intensified the spreading, stinging pain that throbbed through his abdomen. Even with out his equipment the mystic was heavier than he looked.

“Up the stairs,” said Emma. Her anxiousness seemingly growing more apparent as the sounds of the soldiers growing louder out side.

With the smaller brown haired young girl leading the way and her new, cannibalistic male companion carrying her unconscious father behind her the two made their way up the blood stair ways to the top floor. By the time the two had reached top the stairs the sounds of wood shattering echoed through building as the guards busted down the door and began to systematically sweep the first floor.

“Fuck,” cursed Xanbata Grim as the two quickly ducked into an empty room to avoid being seen by the armed men below.

“What now?” asked the vampire, glaring at the child.

“The roof,” responded Emma, her voice shaking as she pointed to a window “if we can get out onto that window sill we can hop up onto the roof and along the roof tops.”

“So you want me to leave your old man here then?” said the vampire as he leaned Sei up against one of the walls, next to the carcass of a disemboweled prostitute.

“Wha...” she tried to exclaim but the monster's hand quickly clasped over her mouth, muffling her before she could alert the men below.

“Raise your voice like that again and I'll cut your throat,” he snarled.

Xanbata could sense that the men had begun sweeping the second floor now. Their voices were more audible and their foot steps noticeably louder.

“Now how in the hell do you expect me to hop around the roof tops with two hundred pounds of dead weight on my shoulders?” he continued in an angry whisper.

“I can make him lighter,” responded Emma slightly sheepishly as she began to unlock the window.

“What?” glared an angry Xanbata as he struggled to follow his own advice about keeping his voice down. “How?”

“You're not the only one who's knows a couple magic tricks,” smirked the snide young girl.

Under normal circumstances the occasionally hot headed horror would have been angry at the girl for making him carrying her unconscious father up two flights of stair and for that smug, teenage attitude of hers but time was of the essence and time spent hurting her would be time better spent making sure the armed guards didn't get to him. Thankfully they seemed to be taking their sweet time sweeping their way through the large building. So instead of teaching Emma some he sighed and picked Sei up again.

“Anytime now,” he grunted as he lifted the mystic again.

Emma nodded. The young woman's lips moved and the muscles in her neck and face seemed to strain as if she was singing but no sound came out. The light coming through the window sparkle and the shadows seemed to dance to her silent opera. For Xanbata Grim it felt as though the weight of everything was slowly floating off his shoulders and by the time her 'song' ended it felt as though he had nothing at all on him.

“Better?” she asked being coy. Xanbata just grunted in response.

There was a soft click as Emma Orlouge opened the window and hopped out onto the window sill before jumping up and climbing onto the roof. Her cantankerous, killer companion followed behind her. When he got out on the the window sill he tossed her now nearly weightless father up to the roof like sack of potatoes. Once he heard the thud that signified Sei's safe arrival to the top floor he climbed up himself to join to the two.

“So what now?” he asked.

“Grab my father and follow me.”

[Silence Sei]

The sounds of the horrified guardsmen soon left their ears, replaced by the gentle hum of bugs and hoots of owls. The route to Ixian Castle was uneventful, not that the ‘Daughter of the Dragon’ and her new killer clansman would be in trouble should trouble seek them. The sound of hooves upon ground grew calmer as the image of the Ixian Knight’s home base came into view. Emma smiled at the visage of her home, every time she came back, the pristine picture of perfection took her breath away.

The castle itself was quite large, the top of the fortress towered a good five stories over Concordia’s trees. The gates remained opened as always, guarded by two simple night guardsmen who were ever vigilant in their duties. As she walked through the barrier on her steed, she pulled the creature to the side and watched as Grim also walked through the large wooden gate. He raised an eyebrow at her, and the suspicion dripped from his singular word. “What?”

“Just a test,” Emma said as she jumped off of her ride, “Ixian Castle is protected by a barrier. Nobody can pass through those gates if they men to do ill harm to us or ours. You would have been pushed straight off that horse and probably decapitated by the guards had you thought about ending my father or I when we made it in.”

She could see the rage boil in the simple twitch in one of his eyes. It was too dark to see, but Emma was almost certain that the vampire probably had a vein showing on his forehead. He got off of his horse as well, the cut on his stomach already healed. Oh the wonderful magic of vampirism.

“So what now?” Xanbata asked, the three words filled with a sort of spite towards his new ‘boss’ of sorts.

Emma raised a singular finger up as the front door to the castle’s main hall opened and several fully armored soldiers poured out. They quickly grabbed the prone body of their leader and loaded him upon their shoulders. One of the shoulders looked to Emma, then Grim, then back to Sei’s daughter. “Take Father to his chambers. He’ll be fine when the sun rises. Mister Xanbata Grim here assisted us during one of our nightly escapades in Radasanth. He has volunteered to join our cause.”

“Has he now?” the knight asked as he looked back towards Xanbata, “Out of curiosity, which division is this… Mr. Grim volunteering for, M’lady?”


Emma pushed her glasses upwards. “Reformation.”

With that single word, several more guards came out. Grim looked around a bit confused as a pair of handcuffs were placed on his wrist. Emma walked over to grim and nodded, a way to try and ensure him this was all merely a precaution. She was unsure if he took the motion as arrogance or understood its true meaning. “While he is under Reformation Team, make sure he starts out with some things to accommodate his needs. Give him a room beside Mister Lorenor, and make sure you fulfil his requests for meals. He has a very particular diet.”

The knights nodded and escorted Xanbata away. On a night that started off to such a tragic end, he found himself now at the pinnacle of luxury and performance. Whether it be battle, bride, or bag of coin, so long as Xanbata Grim kept his loyalty under the duties of the Ixian Knights…

He would never be left wanting again.

[Quentin Boone]

Thread Title: Wanting Again (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?25674)
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: grim137, Silence Sei



Plot: 13.5/30

Story- 5/10
The story here was a simple one that served its purpose well enough. There was a good structure to the plot, and it happened within a suitable time frame.

A higher score could have been achieved with a little more context to the tale. While it was clear why Xanbata was there and how he got to the brothel and how it fits within his ongoing story, Sei and Emma's presence didn't seem to fit and the story didn't really play a part in their overall stories.

Setting- 4/10
There was some effort here to portray setting, but it fell short. The focus was on the blood and gore and dead bodies, which was in itself fine, but it lacked in terms of referencing other aspects of the environment.

As well as this, there were inconsistencies within the setting. The best example is when Emma and Sei came down the stairs into the bar: at one moment they were at the bottom of the stairs, then they were walking down them. This also hurt the Clarity score.

Another inconsistency was the bar being placed above the ground floor. While this is only a minor issue, it played a part when referencing stairs in the bar going down. Bars are typically on the ground floor as casks of ale are kept in the cellar, so this jarred the setting a little.

Pacing- 4.5/10
Though the pace of the story itself was reasonable and was steady enough to keep the reader interested, it suffered heavily because of problems in Mechanics and Clarity. These will be discussed below.



Character: 15/30

Communication- 5/10
Communication served its basic purpose of characters interacting, but didn't really do much else. There was a good effort from grim137 to use internal dialogue to helpl portray Xanbata's personality, despite it falling a bit flat, but I'll discuss that in Persona below.

Sei's communication had its usually dryness, but this felt unnatural when he was speaking to Emma - one would expect his communication to be warmer towards his daughter. Sei's psychic communication is also unclear: Emma hears him when he 'speaks' to Xanbata, which felt strange, unless his psychic talking is given the same effect as vocal speaking.

Action-5/10
The action of the characters was realistic and relevant, fitting with their personas and the situation they were in. However, there lacked any real nuance to actions - Sei described his characters stepping over bodies, but there was little in terms of the smaller actions that really bring characters to life.

Think about the little things your character would do, such as swiping away a loose hair, or in this situation, maybe raise a finger to their nose against the smell. These details might seem insignificant, but can actually make a massive amount of difference.

Persona- 5/10
It was very difficult to really get a grasp of your characters' personalities.

Sei and Emma didn't really display any personality, until at the end when she took command of Xanbata in bringing him back to Ixian Castle. It would have been nice to see some of the disgust and anger that surely would have been there, given the characters' 'alignments'. Stating that Sei wanted justice to be served wasn't really sufficient. It also didn't ring true that Emma was so calm after Sei was knocked out -- her father, the strongest living being on Althanas, was just floored by a mass murderer. There should have been at least some fear, but instead we got a suddenly very calm and authoritative young woman.

grim did a better job in showing his character's personality but it was very one-dimensional: Unless fighting or killing, he's bored. It would have been nice to really explore Xanbata's motivations a little more; sure, he's a vampire who gets a rush from the bloodlust that comes with killing, but what else motivates him? What's running through his mind as he disembowels hookers and their companions? grim did a good job of telling us that Xanbata is a monster and sociopath, but the reader already knew this from the events of the threads, so it felt a little forced. Especially considering how often the reader was told Xanbata is a psycho. Don't worry about telling the reader things -- show them instead. And if it's already been shown, there's no reason to tell.



Prose: 11.5/30

Mechanics- 3/10
This was the weakest area of the thread and it really impacted on other areas of the rubric.

Sei had spelling and grammatical errors throughout that that indicated rushed writing, but could have been easily caught with a good proofread or running through a word processor. Typos, missed punctuation, such as closing speech marks, and double-typed words were present in most, if not all, posts. Proofread, proofread, proofread.

grim's writing really suffered due to poor mechanics. Like Sei, there were issues with typos and double-typed or missing words. On top of this, however, was a distinct lack of commas, which really hurt the flow of the writing. They were used for lists and where speech was broken by narrative, which is fine, but were barely used elsewhere. There was also a tendency to separate compound words such as 'stairway.' For sake of clarity, I'm going to pick a few sentences from the first post and offer 'corrections' and suggestions.


For the first few years he traveled the world, from the northern tip of Salvar to the southern most regions of the Dutlands seeing the sights and indulging himself in their customs and traditions.

Commas can be used like parentheses to separate details in a sentence. The first comma does that, but then it isn't 'closed off' to separate it fully.

"For the first few years he traveled the world, from the northern tip of Salvar to the southern most regions of the Dutlands, seeing the sights and indulging himself in their customs and traditions."

This works because the "from the northern ... of the Outlands" is a separate clause of the sentence - if you omit that, the sentence is still complete and makes sense. What it does, however, is display that separation.


As for sex well Althanas was filled with some rather unique races and a large number of very eccentric individuals and in his quest to keep himself busy he’d decided not to limit himself to any one race, gender or specific fetish and instead engaged in them all.

As it stands, this is a wordy run-on. A better compostion would be, "As for sex, well, Althanas was filled with some rather unique races and a large number of very eccentric individuals and, in his quest to keep himself busy, he’d decided not to limit himself to any one race, gender or specific fetish and instead engaged in them all."


For many years these antics served as a pleasurable distraction to the blood drinker but just like the travels, the fine cuisine and all other things, they soon got boring and Xanbata Grim found himself wanting again.

This has the same problem as the first-quoted sentence and can be fixed in a similar way:

"For many years these antics served as a pleasurable distraction to the blood drinker but, just like the travels, the fine cuisine and all other things, they soon got boring and Xanbata Grim found himself wanting again."

Again, if you take away the part between the 'parentheses commas,' i.e. "just like the ... all other things," the sentence still works perfectly well.

To improve here, read posts out loud. Anywhere you would normally pause slightly, put in a comma. This will drastically improve future mechanics scores.

Clarity- 4.5/10
For the most part, the writing was clear, except where hurt by mechanics. The lack of description in Setting also hurt the score here, as did the inconsistencies mentioned above. If both writers work on improving areas already discussed, the Clarity score will improve on its own, so there's no real need to worry about this.

Technique- 4/10
The writing generally lacked any more-advanced techniques such as metaphor, foreboding and building of tension. Partly, this will improve as Setting and Persona improve, as these offer very organic opportunities for imagery that should come naturally.

Sei showed a definite comfort within his own style, and that was portrayed to the reader, however it would be nice to see more introspection as a technique for portraying your characters.

grim made a good attempt at using introspection for this purpose, but his writing lacks comfort with a personal style. At times, the writing felt very academic and dry, with sections that showed a much more 'narrative' style that were a lot more naturally written. Although the academic style can be dry, choosing one tone or the other will help.



Wildcard: 4/10
I liked the idea of the story, but it was a real chore to read. That said, I see definite potential, so don't give up. Just work on the areas I suggested and you'll improve in no time.



Final Score: 44/100

grim137k (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?94-grim137) receives:


662 EXP!
62 GP!


Silence Sei (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?30-Silence-Sei) receives:


1241 EXP!
62 GP!


Congratulations!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!