Remember the Empire

[black shadow]

OOC: This thread is a continuation of Rebirthing (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?25392-Rebirthing&highlight=rebirthing)



This thread is closed to BlueGhostofSeaside, (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16205-BlueGhostofSeaside) Marius Ursler, (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16989-Marius-Ursler) BlackGhostofSeaside, (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16357-BlackGhostofSeaside) and hoytti (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16188-hoytti)

The sound of Black Shadow's sword stabbing through the couriers stomach and driven up into his chest was like that of a shovel digging up fresh mud. Black Shadow's emotions had gotten the best of him when he was told that his new friend, Ashla, was taken as a hostage because of him. He held the man in the air for a few seconds. That little son of a...Black Shadow thought to himself as he then swiftly ripped the sword from his body, causing blood to pour from the wound, and the mans body fall lifeless the the floor. The courier's crimson blood coated the sword, and dripped from the tip. Black Shadow's anger suddenly grew to horror as he realized what he had just done. He had murdered an innocent man.

He turned towards Julius who now had a frightened look upon his face. The Yew bow in which was previously laying on the table was now in his hands, a steel arrow now drawn and aimed right at Black Shadow. Black Shadow put the sword down and handed out the paper he was given. Julius took it and began reading.


Dear Ardon Firil

You have realized by now that your friend, Ashla, is missing. You have exactly 72 hours to be at the front gate of my capital city. If you fail to be there in such time, your friend will die. I hope to see you soon.

Your loved father
Kransov Firil

Julius' face suddenly showed a confused expression. "Who's Ardon Firil?" He asked. Just as he said this, they heard a deep voice yell out "Hey you!" Black Shadow turned towards the door, only to see a giant humanoid creature running towards him.

[hoytti]

Sorish, Korra, Ethen, & Sanderia had been asked by the city of Hanquilden to come to their hospital to be checked over.

More like experimented on, Sorish thought as they walked through the gate. About a mile in Sorish suddenly stopped and turned towards a burnt building. Was that a sword cutting through flesh? Sorish asked himself before he turned to Korra and told her to continue on to the hospital. She looked at Sorish hesitantly before kissing him and continuing on.

After Korra left Sorish turned toward the door just in time to see a black clad man remove a sword from a courier. More then likely he was unlucky enough to bring the man bad news. However, the man had no excuse to kill an innocent man so Sorish narrowed his eyes began to run up to the man, shield in front of him and hand on his sword ready to strike if necessary.

"Hey You!" He yelled as he ran up the man just noticing the man with a bow. Sorish stopped in front of the black clad man. "Have you ever heard of the saying 'Don't kill the messenger'?"

[BlackGhostofSeaside]

Julius was alarmed when he saw this weird looking guy step right in front of Black Shadow and yell at him; he clutched the paper tightly as he drew his bow and arrow again, pointing it at the creature who had randomly come up to them yelling like heck at Black Shadow when it wasn't his own business, "Hey! If you touch him I'll kill you!"

Both gentlemen stopped and looked at him, "My girlfr- Augh! Uh... My friend who- is a girl..." Julius blushed bright red, Ashla was nowhere near being his girlfriend, but anyone could guess by now that Julius deeply cared for her, "She was captured by some random guy named..." He tried to look at the crunched up paper in the hand that was clutching his bow, "Krandon Fir... Something like that... And we have to freaking stop him cause I lov- I..." He was red as a tomato now, his bow and arrow shaking in his hand. The piece of paper fell out of his hand and by a faint trace of wind, was swept towards the tall, weird man. The dust and dirt flew with it and as a ray of light flew through the door, it landed right in from of the stranger.

[Marius Ursler]

Marius Ursler took a deep breath in through his nose. Blood. I smell a lot of blood. Marius thought to himself as he tried to pinpoint the exact location of which it was coming from. "There is a man somewhere in this city. A man hungry for murder. Find him, befriend him, and help him with his deeds." He heard his sword say. "Yes mother." He replied as he began walking through the city, continuing to smell for the source of the blood.

Marius took one more deep breath in through the nose as he stood just outside a half burned down house. The smell of blood was strong here, and he could tell that the murder had taken place close by. He could hear two men inside speaking to each other, the one appearing to be yelling instead of talking.

"My girlfr- Augh! Uh... My friend who- is a girl..." He heard one of the two men say.

Marius slowly walked towards the side of the house, where a piece of wood was cracked down the middle. As he peeked inside, the sight amazed him. Before his stood a huge creature made of coral, wearing a white robe, and a coral sword in its sheath. A shield on his back, and a two handed sword underneath that, all of which was of coral.

"What the heck is that thing?" Marius said, not realizing he said it out loud.

[Ashla]

Darkness.

At first she could only make out darkness; then she began to feel that more and more, she was being dragged. Her hands suddenly screamed pain and Ashla groggily opened her eyes. She had been captured again... Her tired eyes viewed three men up ahead of her. Two were on foot and the other was on the horse. They didn't notice that Ashla had awakened though. She shook her sleepy head and looked up to see that she was being dragged by her hands which were tied together and were attached to another rope which the two men up ahead her dragging. Her hands bled, trickles of crimson red dripping onto her long, black, hair. Ashla wiggled her fingers, her hands weren't dead thankfully. Her mind whirled with escape tactics.

Ashla was being dragged through a forest, the world around her seemed to take no notice of her troubling situation as the birds were chirping happily, flying across the skies and perching on strong, green-leafed trees. The sun shone through the peaks of the trees above and shed light across the path she was being dragged across. Ashla looked down the the ground which was covered in light, brown dirt. The dirt flew up Ashla's nose, which forced her to sneeze. This let the others know that she was awake. The third man instantly turned and told the two dragging Ashla to stop. They stopped at that moment. Their leader I take it? Ashla pondered as the man got off his stead and walked up to her. Ashla remained defiant, she would not let these dopes keep hold of her! She spat some dirt out of her mouth and tossed her head back, sending her rustled hair flying out of her face. The two men came up to her and as one grabbed her arms and held them firmly, the other grabbed her hair and pulled her up by it. The pain in that moment was so intense, Ashla had to drive her tooth right through her lip to stop herself from screaming, causing another drop of blood to fall onto the ground. Ashla took a deep breath and through her wincing eyes, looked up at their leader. He was wearing a dark blue shirt with brown breaches. His hair was long and brown and he wore a dark brown cloak. On his head he wore a helm and he had more armor on his legs and arms.

He looked down to her, then turned to the man who was holding her arms, "And you said she may be trouble once she wakes up, right?"

"Yes," the man replied, "It was hard to find out how to knock her out all together, I had to wait until she was alone and not so alert to even step up behind her. So are you going to..."

"Indeed." The man said as he pulled out a bottle from a pocket on his waist belt, "Hold her still."

What is that? Ashla wondered as the second man grabbed her waist. "Now, dearie, hang on a second and swallow this," the man said as he took the cap off the bottle, "This will help you not to resist so much."

A drug! Ashla realized, wide eyed. The man placed the bottle up to her lips and Ashla quickly pulled her head away. She felt one of the second man's hands come off her arm and rested on her head. Unable to resist, she resorted to spitting the liquid out as soon as it entered her mouth. The man stopped for a moment then back handed the girl, "Stop resisting and take this!" He held her mouth open with one hand and pored the drug in with the other. Ashla was left with no choice but to swallow, and keep swallowing. Only seconds later did everything go black for her once again, a stuffy, eerie cloud of darkness swirling around her. The ground beneath had all but vanished from her feet and she still felt like she was flailing helplessly in the pitch black emptiness.




And now she was here, locked away in a dank, cold, dungeon cell. But she was way too tired to even open her eyes; she had been drugged multiple times during their trip here and she had been drugged again before being dragged into the castle. She let herself fall asleep once again, lost and alone in this vacant place she had no idea about.

[hoytti]

Sorish took a quick look at the paper that fell at his feet. He then bent down to pick it up off the burnt floor as he watched the two men in front of him. "My name is Sorish," he said calmly before reading the note, "and to answer the question of the man behind that wall," Sorish pointed to the wall where the vampire was hiding, "I'm a coralian," He said before turning to the man in black.

"I'm guessing that you are Ardon Firil? If you promise not to kill any more innocent men I will help you get your friend back. Also," he turned to other man, "if you want her, this is the chance to prove it. I will help you both, but I must do so discretely, I am going to be a king soon and I can't let my people suffer because of my involvement here."

[black shadow]

"Do you accept my offer?" Sorish asked Black Shadow again.

Oh yay, now I have to figure out how to tell him I can't talk. This should be fun. Black Shadow thought to himself as he sighed. He then pointed at himself, shook his head "no" and then patted his neck.

"Well, if you can't speak, then write it down."

Well at least this one is smart enough to understand that. most idiots would've been like "What?" He thought as he grabbed the note pad from the floor and began writing.


Yes, that would be great. Now here's what's going to have to happen. We will travel to my fathers main city, either sneak in, or give me up, you and Julius over there will have to save Ashla, and get out of the city if I get captured. If you try to save me, you are likely to be killed. But that would be your choice. Do we have a deal?

He then ripped the page out and handed it to Sorish.

After he read the note, Sorish replied "Well then, I suggest that I 'pretend' that I am handing you into the king, While I meet with him, Julius goes to the dungeon and searches for his 'girlfriend'." Julius blushed

"SHE'S N-NOT MY G-GIRLFRIEND!!

Sorish continued, "Well you basically called her that before. Anyway, while he is freeing Ashla, I will be trying to be diplomatic about trade between our kingdoms, giving Julius and Ashla time to escape. Once I get word that they have, I will send that guy who is behind the wall to retrieve you. We meet in the courtyard, and get out as fast as possible. Sound like a plan?"

"Woa, woa, woa, wait! I never said I would do anything with you guys!" The "guy behind the wall" said.

"Well you have been eavesdropping on us, and you know our plan. so, you either come with us, or we kill you here, and now" Sorish said bluntly, while walking towards the wall.

[Marius Ursler]

"Go with them, start a fight there, kill many, feed me." Marius' sword whispered to him.

"Yes mother." He whispered back.

A split second later, The coral like creature kicked open the wall, revealing Sorish completely.

"O-Okay. I'll g-go with y-yo-you guys." he said as he scuttled backwards in fear of the creature.

"Do I really look like a murderer to you? I wouldn't hurt a fly." Sorish laughed before pointing to the other two. "Those two on the other hand, I don't know about. I mean the dark one did kill an innocent courier."

"Oh, well you are kinda big. You are made of I think that's coral? and you do have a sword that's like, 6 feet long, so Yea, I would be surprised if you don't get that kind of reaction more often than not." Marius said. "My name, by the way, is Marius. So when are we heading off? I'm getting hungry for blood." He said, bearing his vampiristic teeth.

[BlackGhostofSeaside]

Julius had watched the scene with interest. He felt very uptight and uncertain about these two strangers coming along on such a serious mission. What if they were not to be trusted? What if they were spies, also sent from the enemy who had unworthily taken Ashla's freedom? ... Where was Ashla anyways?? Was she okay? Were they treating her well? He suddenly remembered how much he and Black Shadow were bent on time! He was suddenly willing to let these two strangers in on their plans.

"Alright!" He stated, "We only have how much more time to go so let's set out, men!" He put away his bow and arrow and ran off to the dusty, old, cupboards to the side of the room where the kitchen area was. We have to leave prepared! He flung open a cabinate, dust flew all around him making his eyes water and causing him to cough. Through his chokes he called out to the others behind him, "Black Shadow, go look in the closets and stuff for anything we could use along the way! I'll try to see if there is even any moldy bread in here!"

"Moldy bread?" Sorish called, "In a place that's been dilapidated for as long as it was, even finding that is a stupid idea!"

Julius stopped and thought for a moment, his words made sense. He slammed the door shut, "Sorry, I'm-" -Anxious... ".... Never mind..."

He looked over to see Black Shadow carrying some rags and cloaks in his hands.

"Right," Sorish stated, "We'll need these to infiltrate his father's city." He noted Black Shadow.

Julius nodded, "Agreed." He was serious, no matter what he had to save Ashla! For both their sakes... "Do we need anything else?"

[Ashla]

The drowsiness… the darkness… It was all going away. Ashla head finally began to clear and her blue eyes opened up.

She was leaned against a cold, stone wall inside a darkened cell. There was no light except the a very small “window” in the wall at the very top of the wall she was leaning on. It let in only a crack of sunlight. Ashla could tell that the sun was setting because of the color outside. The door at the other side of the room was made of a very hard metal substance but was rusted and half brown half silver colored. It was cold and Ashla felt nauseous as she noted the dried blood scattered across the grey. stone floor. She was shackled to the wall, she could still move her legs, but with great effort.

Ashla leaned her head against the wall, some of her hair falling across her pale face. She tried to breath regularly as she realized she was silently panicking. Why is this happening to me? Why always me? The questions swirled across her mind, What about Black Shadow and Julius? Are they alright? Does this have to do with them? If so, how? Will I ever even see them again? What if…

The questions kept spinning in her head. She lie there and slowly fell asleep again, the drug was wearing off but she still needed more time. Suddenly, the door flung open and Ashla’s eyes flashed open. She sat up more as two guards came in. Ashla got a brief view of place outside; it was a blank hallway made with the same bleak stone as this dark, empty room. The door slammed shut and one of the guards cracked his knuckles. “Now, it’s time to have a little fun…” He walked up to Ashla and placed his hand on her cheek, “All you need to do is answer some questions, alright, sweetie?” he teased. Ashla looked down to the man’s hand on her chin and his fingers dancing on her neck. She quickly bit his hand in instinctive response. Shocked, the guard jumped up and stared at her. Ashla growled, her eyes taking on their ice crisp, “Don’t intimidate me!”

The guard quickly ran to the other guard and the hastily whispered to each other. They finally glared at her; the playful expressions they carried were gone, replaced by quite a different look…. Fear.

[black shadow]

Black Shadow shook his head "no." He handed the robes to Julius, Sorish, and Marius. He then walked outside with his bow and sword, walking to where Julius and Ashla placed the horse when they first arrived the city. When he returned, everybody was dressed and ready for their journey to begin.

They all mounted their horses, and began to follow Black Shadow. The ride through the woods that followed their departure was a relaxing one. The feel of the cool wind crossing his face was relaxing. He could smell the sweet smell of the blossoms and sap from the trees, the dead branches of the winter, now filled with leaves. The first day of the journey was long, and Julius insisted on only stopping for the night, no lunch, nor dinner. As they rode on, Sorish commanded his horse to come up next to Black Shadows.

"Are you really going to give yourself up in order to save this 'Ashla' girl?" He asked

Black Shadow shook his head 'yes' and then sped up. Sorish did the same.

"You rather give yourself up and die then live?"

'Yes.'

"I respect you for that. Very few treasure others lives over themselves." Sorish said.

After a few more hours of riding, and the sun began to fall, Black Shadow stopped to set up camp. The fire was large enough for all four of them to sit around. Black Shadow sat there lost in thought. Julius noticed this and moved over to sit by him.

"Hey man, you alright?" He asked.

[BlackGhostofSeaside]

Julius sat down next to Black Shadow, "Hey man, you alright?" he asked. Black Shadow didn't respond, he just continued to look on ahead. "Hey, Black Shadow?" Julius asked, waving his hand in front of his face. Still no answer. "Okay, so first you're deaf, then you're mute. C'mon, Black Shadow, speak to me!" No answer.

"Oh for Pete's sake!" Julius clapped his hands and Black Shadow snapped out of it.

Julius sighed, "Good, you're back." He said sarcastically.

Black Shadow narrowed his eyes, the message was good enough for Julius to get; what do you want, kid?

Julius scoffed, "I- I was just wondering..." he started, "Are you okay? You were lost in thought a lot"

Black Shadow took an arrow and picked is a piece of wood up. He used the arrow to carve some writing on the piece of wood. Sparks flew from the fire and were reflected off the trees surrounding them. The sun had set now and was replaced by a beautiful painting of bright stars dotted across the sky. Julius smiled and smelled the oak as Black Shadow handed him the wood piece.

The writing on it were driven through very harshly, obviously the stressed prince had pored some harsh emotions into it. The wood piece had the words
What are they doing to Ashla? Hopefully nothing like-

Julius winced, a million things came across his mind he didn't want to think about. The king could have done a lot of things to the female half-breed that would be very regretful and painful. Would he even kill her though? Yes, the letter said that he would only kill her if they didn't come in time; but what if he got tired before hand? Julius tried not to start hyperventilating, he was panicking at the thoughts that crossed his mind, the images, of what could be happening to the closest person he had- he still had! He felt a hand come on his shoulder. Julius stared up to Black Shadow.

The cloaked man sighed and handed him another scratched up wood piece.
Sorry I even brought the subject up...

Despite his worries, a chuckle escaped Julius's mouth, "Eh, I worry too much..." His smile quickly faded, "She's an Icebreaker. In the kingdom I grew up in, they were war lords. They could handle anything! Ashla is not where near an exception..."

Black Shadow had taken the wood Julius was holding and flipped it ton the other side, he engraved something else to it while Julius was talking then suddenly handed it back to him.
I never should have brought her to the - ? > ~ ... Wait, her family was WHAT?

"War lords." Julius simply replied. "They were very proud fighters. However they were all killed off about a year before the civil war broke out and I was forced to leave... All of them! ... Except Ashla. I guess it means something, eh?"

Black Shadow just sat there for a moment then took the wood back and cut words into it again. He handed it back to him. The words chilled Julius to the bone...


What if it just means a worse fate awaits her? What if this last Icebreaker was meant for some kind of fate in particular? What if I was the one always meant to cause it?

[hoytti]

Sorish looked over at the men but decided to leave it be. Instead he walked over and sat down next to Marius face looking into the fire.

So, a vampire huh, not seen one of those before. Then again, it wouldn't really matter, it's not like my blood would satisfy a vampire."

Sorish then looked down. "You know. It is true that most people use to see me as a monster. However, as time went by and my name became well known, I have had less people have such reactions as you had earlier. I forget that not everyone is in the gossip loop. I use the gossip loop to get information about events around the world. For example, I hear that The Island of Grace is starting to be over run by the undead. One city had belonged to the vampires for years, now there is a zombie hoard that took over the little town of Fom. I also heard of a dance being put on by Silvidar the Vampire. I'm planning on going this year."

Sorish looked at Marius. "It would be a great way to make a few allies for my nation."

[Marius Ursler]

Marius looked at Sorish as he spoke. "Look. I really don't even want to be here. Now this would go a lot faster if we could just go to sleep and get on with our journey." He said as he stood for the log he was sitting on. " Oh and about gossip... It's all a bunch of crap." Marius then walked over to a tree and climbed in, falling asleep quickly.

[Ashla]

Ashla couldn't believe that they had just left a moment after... Why? She'd only glared at them! What that actually intimidating enough to send them out? Ashla smirked, "Wow, I'm really cool then..." She nodded her head and started to laugh. After a couple amused moments she stopped and looked around the room again; it was now morning and light was breaking through into her cell. The stench of blood was still present and now she could see some scattered across the floor here and there, it was dried. Whoever had been in here before hadn't been here in at least a week.

Ashla sighed and rested her head back again. She tried to think about something other than the guards or where the heck she was! Somehow, Julius entered her thoughts.



Ashla watched the water rush through the small stream in the woods. She sighed, even in shaded rocks, the desert heat was getting to her. She bent down to the crick and splashed some water into her face. She continued to refresh herself until she heard a voice behind her. "Hello?"

Ashla jumped and with her face soaking wet, turned around to see a young man climbing down from the wall of rocks. "H-hey, um..." He stuttered.

Ashla sighed and dried her face with her skirt. She looked up from when she bent down to dry herself and looked up at him, "Speak up."

He jumped down from the last large stone and took something out of his pocket, "Hey, does this look familiar to you?"

Ashla eyes the object with surprise. It was the same broach that belonged to one of the two men who had tried to rob her the other day. "Yeah..." She spoke in a puzzled tone, "That belonged to somebody I- ... met -the other day."

The boy pushed, "Where?"

Ashla sighed and replied, "He attacked me the other day; after he kept threatening me I had to fight him." She was reluctant to admit she would have ever taken anyone's life, "The end." And she jumped over the small stream and stalked away.

Ashla's mind brought her back to reality all of the sudden. She chuckled as she remembered how innocent they both seemed in their first meeting, Why did things have to change since then? Her smile faded as she asked herself the question.

Before she could think anymore though, she heard the door to her cell unlock.

[black shadow]

Julius' eyes widened. His face looked shocked and he was unable to speak. Black Shadow stood and left him alone. He grabbed his bow and placed his sword upon his hip.

He walked over to the tree in which marius had gone earlier. He turned towards the other two and noticed them both heading to sleep. I won't be able to sleep even if I tried... He thought to himself as he looked at the sky. We will never make it on time if we continue to stop. He thought to himself as he walked over to his horse and climbed on its back. I'm sorry guys, but I must do this. Black Shadow began to ride again.

It was almost noon when he heard something.

*BANG*

Cannons? Black Shadow thought to himself. He pushed his horse faster as it began to climb a large hill. As he reached the top he was met by a large group of men.

"There you are!" One of the men said as they grabbed him and ripped his weapons off him. "We knew that would bring you here." They pulled him to the ground, tied him up and began dragging him towards the city. "Are you ready to see your home? It should be a fun visit." He said with a slight grin.

[BlackGhostofSeaside]

Despite the fireflies sparkling inside the green trees, despite the long grasses waving like long hair across patches of the ground in this wooded area, despite the full moon shining like the face of an angel... Julius could not sleep.

Black Shadow's last words to him still echoed in his head; the words had been written, but he heard the voice quite clearly. Julius tossed and turned in his burlap sleeping mat for another five minutes, then he sat up and growled, "Curses!" He immediately got up, he was going to try to convince Black Shadow to let them continue on now, no matter how tired! ... Then he realized that Black Shadow was nowhere within the small clearing they were in at all. "Black Shadow!" He screamed as he ran over to the others.

He threw a large, grey stone in the space between them where they slept in their own mats, the vampire's was burlap, the other had one made of cloth. "Wake up, you idiots! Black Shadow's up!" Before waiting for their replies, he ran over to his mat and got himself packed up with his weapons and food again, forgetting everything else in his panic. He got onto his horse, a cream colored beauty with a white circle around one eye and a white mane and tail. He didn't seem to notice his usual love for horses though as he mounted and shouted, "Get going, you stupid animal!"

[hoytti]

Sorish Jumped when he heard Julius's proclamation. He grabbed tried to wake the vampire but it was to no avail. Sleeps like a rock, Sorish thought then hopped on his horse and followed Julius.

It didn't take long before Julius and Sorish reached the gates of the city where they were stopped by the guards.

"Halt! what is your business in Laritari?" one of the guards asked.

Sorish looked the man over. Tall, Stout, but inexperienced, Sorish thought then said, "I'm here to meet the king of this land to negotiate a trade agreement between our people. The man next to me was also on his way here. I did not ask of his intentions but he has been civil since I found him."

The guard whispered to his smaller partner, who ran off somewhere, then turned back to Sorish. "I will take you to the king's throne room," the guard said then turned to Julius. "What are you doing here?"


OOC: Marius has decided to leave the story. That is why he was left behind.

[Ashla]

Ashla could barely open her eyes. The men had come in and pulled out a long stick, then it had started...

How long had she been through this torture? What did they even beat her with again? Were those ghosts in front of her, or were the men still there? Wait- did they just vanish out of nowhere? What was that rectangle object that moved when they did? What was that liquid on the floor right in front of her eyes? Blood? Poison? Puke? Water? Wine? Was she lying on a floor at all even, or was she on a cloud? What was the itchy, black, grass-like stuff half covering her face and eyes? She had no idea about anything here... All she knew was that she was in too pain to even care. She had her eyes open for... who knew how long? A second? An entire day? Whatever amount of time her eyes were open to this slow moving, isolated, black and white world around her, she shut her eyes now.



Ashla scoffed as she looked up to the boy seated on one of the bigger rock. "You just don't give up, do you?" This had been their third encounter. First at the beer barn, then at the stream. Now it was here further out from the oasis they both occupied.

The boy closed his eyes, smirking, then opened his eyes again, "No, I don't." He jumped down from the rock, landing on his feet. A thud was heard on the ground, along with a brief grunt from him. This oasis was probably the best in all of Fallien. It even had trees and a large lake. However, given that it was buried in a chunk of giant rocks, barely anybody knew it even existed. This was a lot similar to Ashla's own country, which was why she was not surprised she had been able to find this place at all. Now, this boy who happened to have found his way here was confronting her. He still wore his overconfident smile as he walked up to her, his arms crossed boldly, "So what's your name? Where did you see those men?"

Ashla let out a huge sigh and groaned, "Why me?..." Just then she felt a drop of rain hit her cheek. She looked up to see the blue sky and the beating hot sun were covered by grey storm clouds.

"It's beginning to rain," the boy remarked, "Even in a thick oasis, rain in the desert can get ugly." He looked her right in her eyes, "I have a place to stay if you want. No matter what I suggest we both find shelter."

~~~

Several minutes later, Ashla and the boy, who had confirmed his name was Julius, were locked in a large cabin. The cabin was made of wood, but still was rather weak as some rain drops were leaking through the ceilings. For now this would have to do though.

"Come under here." Julius had walked beneath a balcony, "It's warmer here."

Ashla silently walked across the clear floor to him. There was barely anything in this large, one room, shed at all except one or two work supplies. Other than that, the grey and brown box they were in had some sand scattered around, but was otherwise actually cold. Ashla walked beneath the balcony next to Julius, and leaned against the wall, "Comfy place here." She remarked sarcastically.

"Well, it's better than a cave or the streets." Julius replied, "Be thankful for what you have, cause even that could be taken away from you."

Ashla blinked curiously at his suddenly wise compliment, "Oh..."

The boy sighed, "Sorry, I-I tend to say things an-"

"- No, no!" Ashla laughed, "Don't worry about it! I tend to do that too..."

"Really?" Julius asked in surprise.

"Yup!" Ashla bit her lip, "And I've paid for it..."

Julius chuckled, "I guess we have something in common then..."

Ashla smiled back at him, her short hair briefly fell over her face, but she pulled it behind her ears again, "I guess we do." They looked at each other for a moment, huddled and leaning against the cold, wet wall, and then started laughing. Only twenty minutes with this guy, and Ashla already felt a strange bond growing between. She couldn't tell what it was, but this was the first time somebody took an honest interest in just plain her since her days living in her own country with her uncle. She was okay with this enough to be rather blind to the truth behind this boy's shining green eyes...

[black shadow]

Black shadow woke from the slumber the men put him in by the feeling of a cold hard floor meeting his body. He jerked his head up and opened his eyes. He could see nothing. The room he was in had little to no light in most areas, and what little he could see, he saw a woman behind bars. I must be on the dungeon. And that... That must be Ashla! black shadow thought to himself as he slowly crawled over to he with the rest of his strength. When he reached the cell bars, he placed hi hand on Ashla's shoulder. What did they do to her? he thought as he noticed the blood that was dripping down her face. He shook her, trying to wake her up. She wouldn't wake. Fogive me. he thought as he pulled back his hand and slapped her.

[BlackGhostofSeaside]

Julius looked up at the stout man in front of him, his eyes dashed between his and Sorish's. What should I say?...

After a moment he sighed and looked at the man, "U- Well..." He forced himself the meet the man's stature as looking and proud as he was, "Well, I'm with him." He tilted his head towards Sorish, "I'm a temporary guard."

"Temporary?" The guard asked. He was covered in silver, gleaming armor and had dark brown eyes glared down at him.

Sorish jumped in, "Why he seams so wishy washy is because I just called him after seeing his fighting methods, It is not like me to trust strangers so easily, but Julius may be of some use."

The guard blinked, "Julius who?"

Sorish was about to respond, but Julius got in first, "-Breaker! The last name is Breaker." He glared at Sorish for a moment. After several moments of thinking over, the guard decided to let them in. And so, the straw and wood gates were opened and behind such poor walls was and grand city. It was as if all the walls were made of marble, silver, and gold! Tall buildings and clean streets, it was as if it was Heaven on Earth! Julius' eyes widened, "Wow..."

"He seems stout," The guard said from behind them, "But he's inexperienced."

Sorish looked back at the guard with a glare, "Speak for yourself."

The guard's eyes widened as if his pride was damaged, "Why you! ..."

"Let's go." Sorish stated and the two left the screaming guard behind at his post. As Julius continued to look around him in awe, Sorish turned to him, "Why didn't you use your real last name? Are you wanted here?"

Julius sighed, "Yeah." He looked at him, "It's been a while, but even a guard would recognize me as a threat immediately."

Sorish gave him a confused look. Julius explained, "In reality, I am the prince of a land this place is arch enemies with."

Sorish's eyes widened, "Really?? What county?"

Julius looked above the horizon and spotted what he was looking for. He pointed to a large set of snowy mountains barely visible from such a crowded city; a brief, clear image from a clearing of a forest of buildings. "You see those mountains away over there?"

Sorish had to narrow his eyes, but moments later nodded.

"There," Julius beamed in pride, "Is Eiskalt. My snowy home country. Eiskalt and where we are right now are arch enemies."

The two royals had paused where they were and glanced into the distance together. As several doves twittered past them, Julius explained his heritage. "Ashla and I are linked from more than a bond we used to have," He said, "We are each from the two families whom ruled Eiskalt up until about four years ago. I am from the Tabor family, who control fire and contain excellent powers within their eyes." Julius smiled at the thought his own powers once more, "I am also probably the only one left since he..." Julius shook his head and motioned his stead forward, Sorish followed.

"And Ashla?" Sorish asked.

"And Ashla," Julius blushed just thinking about her, "She's from the other family; the ones who controlled ice and many forms and shaped. However, one of them also led to the downfall of all of us. I never met Ashla as a child, which that states alone that she was a member of the forbidden branch family. I don't know how many brothers Fulgur I had, but Ashla was the daughter of one of them. Somehow she survived execution by birth right and survived under their hoods... She doesn't even seem to know that though, which confuses me." Julius blinked. Ashla was obviously a member of this famous family, however she seemed to know nothing about it. Why? Well she was most likely the child of a branch member who somehow escaped the old rule of no branch children allowed. But how did she know nothing about her own family all along? Was she adopted by someone else? Was she raised in her true family but had the truth shielded from her? It really made Julius think. But since she didn't know, Julius never mentioned the truth of her blood-line to her; he didn't need to harm her any more than he already had.

"Just tell who this family is in the first place was, please?" Sorish said in an uptight voice.

Julius scoffed at his sudden impatience, "The Icebreakers. Ashla's full name is Ashla Icebreaker."

[hoytti]

"The Icebreakers. Ashla's full name is Ashla Icebreaker." Julious said with a scuff.

Sorish looked at Julious and blinked. "Icebreaker? Icebreaker? I know I've heard that name before. Where was it?" Sorish whispered to himself. He thought about it for a while then snapped his fingers. "I remember now. The man who taught me Common Tongue was Dr. Joseph Icebreaker. He was studying the Voices from the Deep."

"It turns out that the voices that everyone heard was us Coralians calling out to them for mercy from The Gunk. After a while he taught me and my girlfriend, Korra, common so that he could talk to us about our civilization. But before he could get into studying us, his ship was destroyed in the middle of the night and he drowned. I actually like the old coot." Sorish's eyes dulled slightly as he remembered the old man. He then shook his head then said, "I will continue on my way to the castle while you head over to the prison. I will go negotiate trade with the king here while you go to try to get Ashla out of the prison. Do you understand?"

[Ashla]

Out of all the pain that had overtaken her aching body before, one rush of pain freshly accompanied her left cheek. Ashla forced her eyes open just to see that a dark man was towering over her.

Her instincts kicked in.

"Hey! What the heck are you doing hitting a girl, you idiot!" Although she was in no physical condition to make such threats, she still ranted on, "Boy, when I'm done with you, you'll wish-" Up until just now, Ashla's vision had been blurred due to the poison they had placed inside her; but now she was able to get one glimpse at the man in front of her clearly and it was... "Black Shadow??" As if her body was ready to admit defeat in front of at least a friend, Ashla's went limp again. She sighed, "Curses..." The drug they had forced her to drink this time was the same as before, so her sickness wouldn't last long. However, her entire body was still tingling from the physical torture, so she was still worse than when they had first captured her - whoever they were...

She tried to speak, she tried to ask if he had a clue; but she couldn't muster up any more strength. Had she wasted it all on yelling at Black Shadow? She didn't know, she could never know...

[black shadow]

Black Shadow took a deep breath. He could tell Ashla was in a lot of pain. It had been nearly sixty five hours since he had received the letter from his father, and by the looks of it, She had been tortured ever since. The blood that dripped down her face looked almost black with the limited light the dungeon held. A few moments later, the sounds of footsteps could be heard coming from the stairs.

"The master would like to see you, Ardon." One man said as he walked into the cell with two others. "Her too, She comes as well."

They grabbed their bodies and dragged them upstairs into the throne room. When They reached the foot of the throne, Black Shadow could see a familiar white robe. He looked up, only to see Sorish standing next to him. Dang... This can't end well He thought as the man holding him kicked his rib.

"Look at your king," the man said as he forced his head to look at Kransov.

"It's good to see you again son. It has been a long while. please guards, release him. He is of no harm without his weapons." Kransov said. The guards uncuffed Black Shadow and allowed him to stand. "Now, I think you have something that belongs to me?" He said.

Dang it...... I hoped he would never find out. Black Shadow thought as he pulled out a small piece of metal from underneath his suit.

"Finally... Now that I have my Haltamalk Hramjjak back, I can defeat the Clan of the Ramsords." Kransov said. "Now, to show you what this does. I know you have never watched it up close." He said as he pointed it at Ashla.

NO! He thought as he jumped at kransov knocking it out of his hands. He stood and grabbed his fathers sword from it's hilt, and placed the blade on his throat. It is over. He thought.

"Wait... did you just speak?" Kransov asked.

No?

"Yes, you had to have... How can this be?"

Black Shadow had suddenly grew concerned. He can hear my thoughts?

"Your thoughts?"

Or am I talking to him with my mind?

[black shadow]

Ooc:
this thread is now closed and submitted for judging. Find out what happens next in "no surrender no retreat" (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?26918-no-surrender-no-retreat&p=223652#post223652)

[Amber Eyes]

Thread Title: Remember the Empire (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?25685-Remember-the-Empire)

Judgment Type: Full Rubric

Participants: black shadow, BlackGhostofSeaside, hoytti, BlueGhostofSeaside, Marius Ursler



Plot: 13/30

Story- 5/10

The story is interesting, and while I first worried it would take the predictable ‘save the princess’ route I was pleasantly surprised at the way panned out.
At times the story seemed to gloss over obstacles for the sake of convenience. How did Hoytti know the man was a courier? Be careful not to let your OOC knowledge show in your character. If it was something about the man that stood out then explain that, as it is we are left wondering how a man who was just walking by knew in an instant that the dead man was a courier who delivered unwanted info.
BlueGhost-What about Ashla scared the two guards? They were two on one in a locked room and all Ashla had done was bite one of them. It seems they would have been angry rather than frightened. If her eyes unnerved them it would have been good to have one of them comment on it to clarify. You did show Ashla’s surprise at the reaction in your next post, but it was never really explained fully.
Hoytti-Be careful not to give names of characters without any details as to who they are. Don’t expect the reader to know your backstory. A good solution to this would have been to change your post to say. “Sorish and his group had been asked to come to the hospital to be checked over.” Then when you mention Korra, “He turned to his fiance, Korra and told her to continue to the hospital.”


Setting- 4/10

The setting is very basic. What did the burned house smell like? Were parts of the walls missing? Could you taste the soot? Were the characters nervous about the building collapsing? Setting is so much more than just a backdrop, it should be a part of the story to be touched, felt, smelled and tasted. Blueghost did a good job with setting though there were still plenty of opportunities. Did the dungeon smell of mildew, did she taste copper when she bit her lip? Shadow, in the burned house, where did the notepad come from? Had it been dropped previously? Also, be sure that your setting doesn’t interfere with what someone else has written. Shadow had himself grabbing Ashla through prison bars and then in Ashla’s post he was towering over her. Make sure you read everyone’s posts carefully. It can get really convoluted when there are this many writers and it takes a lot of work to stay consistent.

Pacing- 4/10

Quite often posts would begin with a recap of the previous post. Try not to do this unless absolutely necessary. Keep in mind that the reader just read that line a few seconds ago. Parts of the thread were confusing, especially Ashla’s torture scene. These require the reader to re-read what is happening and slows the pacing. Mechanics also hurt you here. There are also many times that unnecessary words were used. Stay away from phrases like “It seemed as if..”


Try to stay away from passive voice. Example:“Julius' face suddenly showed a confused expression.” To help pacing keep this active. “Julius’ brow furrowed in confusion as he raised his eyes to meet Shadow’s.”




Character: 12/30

Communication- 4/10

Most of the dialogue was well done, though again it doesn’t need to be repeated at the beginning of the next post. Also, if you choose to have thoughts italicized (which is helpful) you need to be consistent throughout the thread. If those italics are missing it causes confusion if the reader is used to them being used. Make sure that anything your character says is within their personality.

Action-4/10

For the amount of characters and the length of the thread there was very little to go on for action. Try to portray your character’s body language as they are speaking. Perhaps they scratch their head in confusion. You did a good job in the beginning with Julius and the bow, and Blueghosts flashbacks did well for this category but there were a lot of posts where only necessary physical movement was described.

Blackghost especially, your dialogue clearly conveys Julius’ emotion, but there is so much potential to show it through your writing. Did his heart sink as he held the paper the proved Ashla’s life was in danger? Did he clench his fists in anger at the unknown kidnapper?

Persona- 4/10

When trying to fit this many characters together it is difficult to stay true to your own storyline. Even if it makes it harder to get to the goal, you have to stay true to your character. It is better to spend a post or two convincing yourself to do something than to ignore that your character might have some concerns.


In the first post, Julius has just seen Black Shadow murder an innocent courier. Did he pause before taking the letter? Did he lower his weapon slowly? These things show that your character isn’t just there to forward the thread, they are actually reacting.


Black Shadow, you say quite a few times that the ride to get Ashla was relaxing. Your character seemed quite concerned with Ashla’s safety in the morning and it seems strange that he is enjoying the ride in the afternoon.


Also, be careful when writing NPCs. The guards at the castle didn’t even ask who Sorish was before allowing him into the throne room. Then, they are insulted by Julius and yet still allow him to pass. These types of unrealistic responses can really bring down an otherwise good score.

BlueGhost-Good job with the backstory, it really helps your character come to life.


Character interaction is hard to believe at times. Did Sorish not worry about how Korra would feel if he didn’t meet her at the hospital? Why did no one wonder about the voice on the other side of the wall until Sorish mentioned it? Why did everyone trust one another so easily when their friend had just been kidnapped? Blackghost did mention this, but it was after Hoytti, Shadow and Marius had already made the plan.




Prose: 12/30

Mechanics- 3/10

Everyone struggled with run-ons and tense changes. There were also quite a few misspellings and misused words. Cabinate instead of cabinet, then instead of than. It’s instead of its. Ellipses and dashes are overused and should not be used together. Focus on one and use it sparingly to raise your scores. Blackghost actualy had Shadow take the time to carve ellipses into wood, watch your writing carefully for situations like this. Missing quotation marks and apostrophes also also hurt you here.


Clarity- 5/10

The thread was actually quite clear, which is a huge compliment considering the number of participants. So good job on that. The only real issue with clarity was in the torture scenes with Ashla. I know you were portraying that she was only half conscious but it was very difficult to understand at points. Also, try to use the same word as little as possible. You used she quite a lot in this paragraph. Make sure you take a break and re-read your writing. When you re-read the scene a day or so later are you completely clear on what transpired?


Technique- 4/10

What was used was used well. There were some examples of metaphor that were well done. The foreshadowing of Shadow’s capture was a good addition. Keep trying new things to bring this score up. Keep the ellipses under control and this should raise quickly. Blueghost- you have a unique style that we have come to really enjoy. Keep working on cleaning your writing up and you will excel.



Wildcard: 6/10

Large group threads are tricky. Especially when someone quits part way through. You guys did a good job and I will definitely be reading the next one.



Final Score: 43/100

BlackGhostofSeaside (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16357-BlackGhostofSeaside) receives:



320 EXP!

45 GP!



black shadow (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16247-black-shadow) receives:



415 EXP!

55 GP!



hoytti (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16188-hoytti) receives:



345 EXP!

45 GP!



Marius-Ursler (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16989-Marius-Ursler) receives:



190 EXP!

25 GP!




BlueGhostofSeaside (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16205-BlueGhostofSeaside) receives:



375 EXP!

45 GP!



Congratulations!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!