Red Six Initiation: Hysteria vs Ardu Scylla

[Hysteria]

http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/242/2/0/red_six_by_harlequinhues-d6kesp7.gif

“He eats magic?” Talen raised an eyebrow. He was vaguely concerned that the new recruit might prove more of a handful for him than he would have like. Talen wasn't one to back down from a fight, unless of course there was no way to win. He like to be sure that he was going to lose before turning tail.

“Well... I doubt it would kill me if he tried to eat me.” said Talen, partly to the Red Six talent scout that was reporting to him and partly to himself, “Make contact, we'll do this via the Citadel as usual.”


* * * *

Talen stepped out of the door from the Citadel hall and into the dying rays of light of a setting sun. The few remaining trails of light glinted across the green grass. Gentle wind pushed an invisible hand across the rolling green hills, turning the landscape into a sea of grass. Talen looked around. There was little of interest, just the rolling hills and little more. Clouds hung in the air, moving towards the horizon with grey bellies. Talen lifted a hand and ran I through his hair in a vain attempt to keep it out of his eyes. The youth was quiet, calm even as he waited. He had decided that he would treat this battle like any other. A test for the new member, and of course a reminder that Talen was one of the top dogs in the Red Six and not to be trifled with. The truth of just how far he was to the top however he was happy to keep to himself.

Talen's blue eyes shifted across the landscape, he thunder cracked in the clouds overhead and a few drops of rain fell around the youth. It wouldn't be long before the storm brewing overhead broke over the pair and their fight on the long grass covered hills turned into a slippery encounter. The sun continued to peak in below the clouds however, there would be light for a while yet.

The young warrior was wearing a simple t-shirt and pants. Across his back was slung his sword. The large blade hung down from his shoulders down past his back and his bum. The youth's form was quite small, barely registering that of a twelve year-old. Talen lifted up a hand and stared at it for a second. His pale skin was nearly glowing in the old twilight. A shroud of darkness materialised above the boy and fell across his shoulders. The illusory cloak was a simple, but surprisingly effective use of Talen's skills.

[Ardu]

There were three words best used to describe, Ardu Scylla. Darkness. Sickness. Madness. When the creatural thing entered the Citadel, all three followed him keenly. The dim light of the entry portal poured out into the arena. The heat and taint of death rolled across the sand. Madness, gibbering and wisp like in the air, unfurled up into the faint white clouds.

“Good afternoon, ser,” he said glibly.

Everything Talen assumed about the crystalline creature was incorrect. He did eat magic. He ate it with fine wine, gusto, and reckless abandon. He would go so far as to eat it right out a man’s vein, given half the chance. If he chose to consume whatever vestiges of power resided in the boy’s veins, it would almost certainly kill him.

“I believe you have been enquiring as to be whereabouts?” he asked. He raised an eyebrow. He bowed.

He began to advance towards the veiled opponent, and as he did, the sand beneath his well-polished boots vanished. The portal behind him faded. The rain, promising a storm, drove down in thick, undulating sheets.

“You need ask no more!” he bellowed.

The aetherpyre vented excess magic he consumed the hedonistic night prior. His twisted, shrunken limb glowed violet. His shoulder, a spiked edifice to his hunger, shone with deep, umbrae sub-light. He snarled. Despite his charisma, well-tailored coat, and debonair charm, for a moment he was nothing more than a monster. He ran forwards as a bolt of lightning split the heavens.

[Hysteria]

Great... one of 'those' fights. Talen sighed inwardly, looking in a mirror was sometimes hard to do. The rain plastered Talen's hair flat against his face, the cold sensation lasted briefly before it was replaced with numbness. The youth shifted his feet slightly. The spikes protruding from the bottom of his shoes had been an addition as soon as he head realised that they would be fighting on a rain soaked hill. The metal spikes were not from his shoes, but rather from his feet. The youth had fused himself with the spikes in order to get the desired effect.

The grass spreading out around Talen started to droop in the thick rain, but more than that. A shallow darkness settled across them, turning the vibrant green pale. It was Talen's dark aura, a murmur of his obsidian soul. Corruption, a spreading disease emanating out and draining the strength from those within a short distance of the boy. Talen was going on the offensive. The dark shadow cloak around his shoulders ballooned outwards as Talen kicked himself backwards from Ardu. Darkness engulfed the two fighter's as the illusion grew to its maximum size. The sphere of darkness sat on the green hill like god's discarded ball.

Inside the light filtered through a grey haze. Talen reduced the opacity of the shadows until he could just make out his opponent. Trusting his superior eyes Talen kicked himself forwards. The rain still fell through the illusion, creating an odd sensation of black rain. Talen hedged to his left, letting his speed and spiked shoes carry him swiftly in an arc towards Adu. Within a few metres Talen kicked off the ground and sailed through the air towards his target. His sword lifted above his head like a hunting bird, he brought it down to strike his target.

[Ardu]

Guided by foresight, and a touch of precognition, Ardu melted out of harm’s way.

“Predictable…,” he gloated shrilly.

On the verge of the arena, he had divined the portents. He tested the fates in silence. He calculated the many variables and many futures. He saw the boy’s lurch, his avian ascent, and reacted in perfect counterpoise. The grass offered no resistance to Ardu’s heavy boots as they spiralled him full-circle.

“Tiring,” he continued. He bounced upright to Talen’s right. His back was facing the boy, his eyes staring out at the abyssal sphere conjured from thin air.

That was all the incentive he needed. It was all the sign he required to commit himself to his course of action. Slowly, but surely, and sodden by the rain, he turned. Whatever reflexes the boy had, whatever onslaught was coming his way for slipping out of the blade’s reach, Ardu Scylla, was ready to face it head on.

[Hysteria]

The sword cut nothing but falling rain. The soft patter of drops continued to drill across the youth's skin and cloths. Talen straightened, letting his mattered hair hang down over his face as rivers of water trailed from the wayward strands. The youth lifted his sword, his body still as the water and his opponents words washed over him.

The dark sphere twisted inwards, trailing down towards the youth in a giant whirlpool of darkness. The soft threads of fate moved in time, lashing themselves around the youth's body, covering him in the black shadowy hands of darkness. The youth twisted his head to the side, his pale blue eyes looking from within the dark strands of hair at his arrogant opponent. The cold air licked the rain drenched skin, but not a shiver moved down the youths' body.

His sword flashed like a snake, aiming towards the cocky opponents back. Darkness mirrored the actions, a spasm of twisting shapes and movements going towards the magic eater. The darkness itself could not hurt. Talen's intention rather to blind. His actions mask by the darkness like his eyes staring out from the dark strands of hair.

[Ardu]

For once in his life, the Markov roared with pain, not pleasure. His eyes widened. They danced with the pale light of suffering.

“[Curses upon you],” he spat. The Haiden tongue was harsh enough without the insult.

He stumbled forwards, unsheathing the blade from his gut, and quickly turned about. He flexed his arms. Simmering blood oozed from limbs to ligaments and down onto the emerald grass.

“Not so predictable,” he continued in common. As he spoke, the veil of shadow, obfuscating and abyssal swarmed around him. “I can admire that…,” he whispered. He used deception to deceive. He used Talen’s shadow to shadow himself.

Ardu gathered his wits. He reached for the wound and examined it. His fingers soon became slick with vermillion blood. His digits tingled with electric, as though his blood were the Tap itself. His shoulder crackled with eldritch lightning.

“I can adore that,” he hissed. His eyes pierced the gloom as its grip over him faded.

He saw Talen in true light now: cold, determined, and remorseless. As the darkness ended, he directed the lightning with twin punches. The first took aim, the second focussed it a single, concussion blast. He roared with pain as the violent movement jolted his injury.

[Hysteria]

The air filled with a symphony, an electric chorus moving through the air. Talen was retracting his arm from his attack, his sword coming back in front of him as the ball of energy moved the short distance between Ardu and the youth. The next moment passed in a blur. Talen's sword lifted. The ball hit the blade in a loud ring. Talen's sword and arm ricocheted to the side. The energy struck Talen in the chest and both boy and attack lifted backwards through the air. It was only Talen's reflexes that saved him from sliding all the way down the hill.

His back hit the grass with a thud. His vision was filled with his own legs and a rush of green as he slid over the grass. Talen forced his legs to continue over his head and he tumbled completely over. His feet found the ground, the spikes catching the soft earth and he was catapulted back onto his feet in a blur.

Talen lifted his face up, his black hair now flecked with dirt and grass. The pristine ground in front of him little more than a slick of mud. The youth felt himself shiver finally, the cold setting into his bones despite his best efforts. The youth's chest ached, his body was tough enough to take most hits and shrug it off, but this one was too close.

“I'll pay that one. You take the hit and pay it back. Brutal” said Talen.

The youth pushed the tip of his sword into the ground to hold it for him for a second. His hands came up in front of his body, darkness lifting over his palms and stretching up as four metal spikes materialised. Their metallic form flecked with rain shone in the light. Darkness exploded out of Talen's back. The dark tendrils formed into four, each bending over his shoulders and catching onto one of the spikes. The four shadowy limbs lifted back, each one armed with their own spike. The youth pulled his sword out of the ground and gestured for Ardu to attack. A thin grin on his face hiding the ache in his chest.

[Ardu]

Ardu, never one to run from a fair fight, charged. He let lose a primal bellow as he advanced, fearing nothing, even death. His pupils shone with effervescent coronae. His feet, clad in Alerarian leather, dug into soft ground beneath jade grass.

“Oh, with pleasure!”

Talen let lose one spikes, and then the other. He held on to two for a second salvo. The strength behind them staggered Ardu, who could not predict such violence and titanic potency from such a small frame. He started to doubt there was any trial at all in his ‘test of admission’. This was a bloody, sacrificial rite, pure and simple.

He rose from his tuck with a snigger. He continued to run, punching forwards as before. He fired a second, crackling, skittering blast towards the boy. His hunger grew. His senses weakened His resolve faulted. So close to triumph, blind from his own ego, Ardu felt the second spike thud into his shoulder.

His single good eye narrowed. The scars of Haiden hellfire flickered with blue flame. The energy stored in the crystalline veins spent. He dropped to his knees. He had no fight left. His vision blurred. He clutched his shoulder. The smell of blood was intoxicating even to his sadomasochist desires. His hearts raced with adrenaline.

[Hysteria]

The cold etched aching line across Talen's skin. It danced with its sibling, pain lashing across his chest from the eldrich blast. The youth's face was draw; breathing laboured and shallow. His eyes darted around from beneath slicked black hair at his opponents movements. Two of the youth's shadowy limbs whipped around in front of Talen. Water flecked out into the air and became one with the torrential rain. The black skin on the shadow limbs glistened as they lifted up in front of the boy. The new blast smashed into them; shredding flesh and leaving the limbs torn and useless. Their form shuddered and faded from sight. Talen did not bother to keep their tattered forms.

The remaining tentacles extending from the boy's back slammed into the ground. The youth moved forwards slowly, his sword poised in front of him. With each step the limbs moved forwards, pulling the youth along. The ground was too wet, the youth too unsteady on his feet to climb the side of the hill in his current state.

His movements were slow, but he refused to appear as anything but in control. The youth moved his sword between his hands in anticipation. Two steps out he lifted the sword above his head. Like the executioner he made to sever the man's head. His sword came down.

[Ardu]

Ardu screamed, opened his eyes, and reached for the back of his neck. He sighed with relief amid gasps for air. He smirked.

“What a devilish bastard,” he commended. Talen Shadowalker was everything Ardu wished. Amorous, contemptuous, and headstrong. They were traits treasured by Ardu and his kin.

“Are you well?” a low voice enquired from the shadows.

Ardu turned and realised where he was. A monk of the Ai’bron stood vigilant by the infirmary door. He had been lain to rest on a low bed, made of dry wood and straw, amongst many others. They produced en masse, made for function, not form.

“I am alive, so there’s that,” he spat.

The monk fell silent, assuming further discussion was unwelcome. The other beds were empty, which told Ardu it was late. He clicked his neck. Nothing was broken. Nothing had decayed further. He was, as far as he could tell, the same as when he had entered the arena.

“For how long, though,” he said as an afterthought.

He rose, donned his coat, and stretched. One again, calm, and well dressed, he almost appeared a noble. He left the room with a courteous smile, and every intent of doing good deeds come sunrise. Sadly, for Talen, Ardu’s idea of ‘good’ began with murder.

[Hysteria]

Talen lifted his hands and placed them on his head as he rocked slowly backwards and forwards on his stool. The fight was a day in the past. Talen had returned to the Tavern soon afterwards and forgone the monks healing. He sat on a small stool with his feet up on the table. In the Red Six's tavern he was safe to disregard any etiquette rule he chose. His eyes had disappeared into the distance as his mind wandered off into foreign thoughts and his feet were up on a table.

“What of that Ardu character?”

The voice snapped the youth back into the present. What was supposed to be a meeting of clan business had turned into an afternoon drinking session. It was often up to others in the Clan to remind Talen of the business at hat. Talen turned his eyes to the voice, the same messenger that had told Talen of the man in the beginning.

“He is arrogant, head strong and slightly crazy.” Replied Talen, his face breaking into a grin. “He'll fit right in.”

“I'll have a runner send over a patch.”

[Lye]

Thread Title: Red Six Initiation: Hysteria vs Ardu Scylla (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?25919)
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: Hysteria vs Ardu Scylla



Plot: 16 --- 14

Story- 5/10---4/10
Hysteria gave a little more to flesh out his purpose for the battle than Ardu. The overall purpose of the fight had to do with the Red Six and an initiation. Ardu simply fought. There was an undertone of story for Ardu through his scars.

Setting- 5/10---4/10
Hysteria made repeated mention of the rain, grass, and overall environment. The setting impacted his ability to battle and there was interaction mentioned throughout through wet hair and the slick ground. Ardu painted a colorful opening, but the continued use of setting faded from that point on. It was interesting to see Ardu use Hysteria's darkness to veil himself in the middle of the conflict.

Pacing- 6/10---6/10
Pacing was quick and easy for the battle. Some moments were drawn out with little purpose to the overall story, but it did not cripple the flow. Both parties were guilty of some mechanical and spelling errors which did deter from a fluid reading.



Character: 13 --- 15.5

Communication- 4/10---5/10
Ardu most certainly had the stronger monologue of the two. Overall, dialogue in combat is difficult to write and feel natural. In this battle, the characters' speech seemed to fit the purpose of inner monologue better than outward taunts or jeers. For the sake of the battle, the speech was adequate. Some manner of fleshing out purpose or conflict through conversation may have increased suspense and drama.

Action-5/10---4.5/10
Hysteria used the setting to influence his actions more frequently than Ardu. The use of the enemy's skill as cover was a good strategic move. All in all, the combat finesse and detail of the fight was even between both writers with a slight lead to Hysteria for better use of setting. Both characters also acknowledged hits and carried the damage over as the fight drew to close. There was a lack of substance to the battle and it seemed rather flat. Use of the magic eating skill would have been satisfying since there was such a build-up in the introductions.

Persona- 4/10---6/10
Ardu certainly shone through as the stronger personality of the two. The description and actions taken played to the royal yet primal image stated in the introduction. Through the mention of the wounds, scars, and gradual loss of composure, Ardu certainly progressed as a character throughout the battle. Talen didn't show much emotion or reaction to the events of the battle aside from those that had a physical effect. Talen seemed determined, confident, yet flat emotionally. Peak points of character presence for Talen were in the introduction and close. Minimal throughout the fight.



Prose: 17 --- 19

Mechanics- 6/10---6/10
Minimal errors in spelling and grammar but they did exist. Hysteria made an error in the fourth sentence of the thread: "He like to be sure..." This effected the initial impression and the occasional error continued throughout. Ardu had one spelling error in the word "ser" which may be a matter of dialect. There was also a missing period in post #8: "His senses weakened His resolve faulted." A few run-ons and misused commas were of note as well.

Clarity- 6/10---6/10
Both characters were clear in their writing aside from the mechanical errors. Not much commentary is needed here.

Technique- 5/10---7/10
Ardu shone in this area with many unique and interesting techniques. The colorful use of vocabulary and use of mixed sentence length created an engaging flow. Hysteria wrote colorful imagery and made effective usage of similes and metaphors. The overall presentation of the writing could have used more variation, especially in terminology. Repeat usages of descriptors became a major detractor. Words include: "grass, shadows, darkness" Those words occurred in close vicinity to one another and obscured the flow.



Wildcard: 7 --- 8.5

I appreciate the read you two. The battle was short, sweet, and to the point. I want to award Ardu with an extra point and a half here for the overall presence in both writing and character. With battles, it is hard to convey story, but not entirely impossible. Hysteria laid out the purpose and reason for being there and followed through at the end. Ardu only made little mention in the middle of the fight. Overall, Ardu was there to fight, nothing more. That being said, battles are a perfect way to focus more on character personality. Nothing is more emotional or heart pounding than action packed scenes. These scenes should reveal your characters to a primal level and expose raw emotion and purpose. Desperation, determination, resolve, anger, sadness, anxiety, and panic are all a part of a battle and should be played upon in a fight. The more emotions you expose through character action, the more the reader will identify with your character and literally get lost in becoming vested into the battle. Since this was done for the sake of initiation instead of storyline, it was understandable to run through it, and the battle was still a good read. Ardu takes the upper hand because some of these elements allowed me to identify with him more during the brief struggle.



Final Score: 53---57

Ardu (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17114-Ardu) Wins!:


2,750 EXP!
60 GP!

Congratulations!


Hysteria (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?2481-Hysteria) Receives:


825 EXP!
30 GP!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!