A strange new world (solo, closed)

[BlueSunUmbra]

Prologue

(character Reference)
Note: (description) His two head horns (side of his head) actually curve back not forward.
http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?26074-Sano-Drakzelson

Note: I made spoken words Italic within quotes in order to make it easier to understand and separated from written text.

"So long have you been here, so long that you've made it your grave site." "Silence!" Sano roared at the walls within his empty cave den. Sano stared at no one as his mouth stung from its surrounding dry cracking skin. Sano struggled to stand up on all fours, weak from hunger and lack of exercise, coughed up small puffs of smoke. He attempted to stretch out his wings, but seldom using them, he felt a bit of a struggle to hold them up. He quickly gave up on the notion to stretch his wing muscles and folded them back up against his long waist. He slowly turned to look at the exit and saw a silhouette of person standing against the blinding sunlight that tried to invade his home. "Who goes there?" Sano said with a raspy and low tone, which carried a low growl that lulled. The silhouette walked forward and with a soft sweet voice said, "it’s me you silly reptile." Sano became light hearted as he knew who approached, despite the reptile comment which if spoken by another would upset him, but not this person, not her. Her form took place as his eyes adjusted. She had a small petite frame, which almost seemed to glide as she walked in her dark gray dress. Sano whipped his long tail away from her as the horns at the tail end scrapped against the rocky ground. He walked slowly to meet her half way, and then sat down on his hind legs as a dog would. He bends his long neck down in order for his eyes to meet hers. She moved around his head and hugged him around his shoulder, under his two neck horns that curved forward. It felt good and he looked at her light gray skin as she tightened her hold. "I wasn't expecting you till later in the evening Naliin " said Sano. She took a few steps back and looked into his large violet eyes. "I couldn't wait any longer and missing you was becoming too painful for my soul." Sano became weak with the emotions that began filling him as he stared into her crimson eyes, but controlled himself and sternly said, "you must be more cautious when coming to see me." Ignoring his statement she motioned her hands to brush back her long black hair off her shoulders and gently spoke, "have you been in this cave all day?" "I have," Sano shamefully admitted as he began walking towards the exit. She walked next to him staring at his long jaws with admiration. As they exited he looks around and tells her nervously to "stop looking at him like that because he could be watching," she shrugs.

They stand outside and look down at the vast woodlands from the cliffs edge. To their left, a trail that headed down and curved towards a larger entrance into the mountain. Deep within that entrance where a maze of tunnels that lead to multiple chambers where many of his kind live. He hated being around his own kind because they would ridicule him for being the most weakest, for being lazy and not hunting to keep his strength up. They didn't understand what he has been dealing with since he was a hatchling. The torments that go on in his head, that drives his motivation, to do anything, down into a void of despair. Only she knew of his pain and only she was his anchor to hold him down in reality. His heart belonged to her and hers to him, a forbidden love.

They begin to make their way down the path until the sky darkened and with a blink of an eye, Mangiin appeared before them with a disdain look in his eyes. Mangiin stares at Sano and says, "daughter come to me now." She slowly walks to him and replies, "is something wrong father?" "Indeed there is my spawn," as he clutches part of his black robe. "Do you think me a fool, do you think I lack powers beyond your own, that I could not see what has been going on for months. I had not bothered to interfere before today, because I had false hopes that you would come to your senses. It is a rare surprise to me that I am wrong, for I rarely am." She stops walking and feels coldness coming over her, a fear, she knows that look in her father’s eyes. It is the same look a jaguar gives its prey right before it pounces. Only she knew that she was safe, but her safety was not her concern. "Wait father I…" she yells out desperately. "Love?," He yells out angrily, "you love this beast?" Sano fearing for her safety speaks out, "wait master I can explain-" "silence," Mangiin interrupts with and echoing shout. With a slight gesture of his hands he sends Sano slamming down onto the ground beneath him, as if an unseen force came crashing down upon Sano. Sano’s vision became blurry as the pain in his body began to surface. Laying there he reached out for Naliin as he barely can see her running towards him. His daughter’s caring gesture set Mangiin into a rage. He made a fist which caused his daughter to become frozen in place before she reached Sano. "What you did to her?" Sano painfully growled. "She is merely frozen in a time bubble which I will set her free from after I’m done dealing with you," Mangiin said with disgust. "I could kill you, but then my daughter would never forgive me, instead I have prepared a special gift, one that took many moons to create." With a flick of his wrist a cloud of darkness appeared around his hand and with the same speed vanished leaving behind an oddly shaped black crystal. Mangiin smirked and said, "with this you won’t be a bother any longer and you will be sent to a far off plain of existence, to which even I won’t know its location. Best of all you two will never again be together." Sano struggles to get back on his feet and desperately tries to ignore the pain, "wait master please I’m begging you, do not separate us. I love your daughter and I would do nothing but ensure her safety for as long as I draw breath." To Sano’s surprise Mangiin begins to laugh, "you think I would allow my daughter be to with an animal, do you think her an animal as well?" Sano finally stands up and looks into Mangiin’s black void eyes and proudly says, "no master she is an angel, my angel." Mangiin cackles at Sano’s words, "You are indeed a stupid dragon. You and your whole breed are nothing but my toys, your breeds only purpose is to help me discover new abilities that I will implement into my own already vast powers. Once I learn the secrets to your breed physiology I will simply kill them all. You should feel privilege that you are my first test subject to this portal maker I have created and when you end up somewhere, wherever you are sent to, think about time. As time goes on her broken heart will heal and slowly she will forget to love you. She will move on and she will love another, someone of her own kind, while you struggle to make sense of your pathetic existence. You’re merely a shell of a former great dragon breed, pity." With those daunting words Mangiin tosses the crystal at Sano’s legs. The crystal shatters and for a moment nothing happens, then suddenly the sky seems to have tears in it as a rampage of lightning bolts begin to clutter it. The ground begins to shake violently as Sano finds he’s unable to move his legs. Violent winds begin to circle around everyone present bringing in debris from the woodlands. The ground beneath Sano’s body appears to have become liquid as Sano slowly sinks in it, then the very same ground turns slowly into a whirlpool. Sano looks around his legs and tries to struggle but his efforts are in vain as his body begins to move with the motion of the whirlpool. The pool begins to spin faster and changes from dirt brown to multiple colors, all which glow bright. The wind begins to change course and flow into the whirlpool. Sano roars with defiance as he spreads his wings. He looks at Mangiin as he sinks quickly into the whirlpool, "I will be back for her and your heart." Mangiin begins to laugh hysterically as he watches Sano disappear into the whirlpool. Sano blacks out, but when he awakens he finds himself in strange surroundings…

[BlueSunUmbra]

Chapter 1

Note: Any word that's underlined is and ability, that's either being preformed or mentioned. Any name that is in bold is to let the reader (and myself) know when it's the first time the name is mentioned.

(character Reference)
http://www.althanas.com/world/showth...ano-Drakzelson (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?26074-Sano-Drakzelson)


“I told you she was trouble,” “Silence!” Sano roars out to the open plains at no one. He pauses with confusion, as he looks around his unfamiliar environment. He sees a field of grass stretching out as far as the eyes can see. His thoughts are interrupted by the chirping sounds from the flock of birds flying overhead through the blue clear skies. He feels the unfamiliar warmth of the sunlight shielding his body. The air was fresh and crisp, a taste he never knew existed when he slept his days away back at his cave. Sano struggled to stand up on all fours, due to his weak muscles and lack of energy. “Naliin, please tell me you’re safe.” Sano felt dishearten as he spoke those words. His simple life had now become a complexity of emotions he had not been prepared for, nor did he want. He became angry with himself, for not being able to stop the events that will forever change his life, for not embracing the true nature of his breed, for not having more time, time with her. Sano stares straight down, realizing how hard he had been gripping the ground around his claws. “You failed her because you failed yourself.” Sano begins to feel rage as he slowly lift his head. “I said to you before, SILENCE!” He roars out and preforms a Fire Puff in front of him with blinding rage. Seldom breathing fire he begins to hack and cough up puffs of smoke immediately after, which puts his rage to a halt.

“Wow” coming from a tiny voice in the distance. Sano caught his breath and immediately turned to his right. He saw a small person duck behind a rock he had not notice before. Sano had very little experience when dealing with other intellects outside of his own race. He was cautious as he approached the huge dark rock. “Be careful, you don’t want to get us all killed,” ignoring what he’s heard Sano grabs on to the right side of the rock, and with a struggling grunt, lifts the side of huge rock, pulling then pushing it in an arch type motion, rolling it over once. Letting go, the rock slams down on its opposite side, revealing a small person crouched down. Sano looks down at the small person and growls in common tongue; “Who are you tiny one?” The tiny person looks up with fear in his eyes, “Please don’t eat me.” Sano snarls then replies “I don’t eat things that talk back, now, what are you, why your skin is pink and eyes blue like the sky?” The tiny person hesitant at first forces what little courage he has in order to speak “I’m a human, a kid, a boy and I was born with these colors.” The boy slowly stands up on his sandal wrapped feet. Sano holds his position as the boy takes a step back. “Meh-My name… is-is.. Doran, what’s yours?” Sano observes how the boy tugs nervously at his brown and tattered tunic, while dirt trickles off his dirty beige shorts. Looking at this unkempt child, Sano couldn't help but feel, somehow, comfortable around him and Sano disliked many. “My name is Sano Drakzelson” Sano sits on his hind legs. A light breeze blows by them. Doran brushes part of his curly blond hair away from his face and slowly smiles at Sano.

“So what is this place?” Sano ask Doran. Doran attempts to imitate Sano’s form of sitting, but stumbles and lands on his buttocks. He then tries to make it seem like he purposely wanted to look foolish and sits with his legs laid out across the grass. Sano tilts his head with confusion. “Um…you’re in Scara Brae” Doran explains to Sano with a puzzled look on his face. “Why don’t you know where you are? You’re too far from the beach for you to be a serpent.” Ignoring the boys question Sano looks past the boy and sees sparkling lights on the horizon. “What is that over there?” “Oh we’re near Valeena Lake, my big sister use to tell me that the sun makes the light dance on the water when good luck is in the air, but I still think its fairies.” Sano stood up, the thought of water quenching his thirst was the most pleasing thought he had since he found himself on this strange land. Sano began to walk in the direction of the lake; Doran quickly got up and followed.

“Where are we going?” ask Doran eagerly. “I am heading to the lake” Sano replied calmly. “Why?” Doran asks excitingly, “Water” Sano replied flatly. “What for, are we going to swim in the lake?” Doran questioned with a skip in the air. “He is trying to learn your secrets, he wants to prevent you from drinking. He was sent here to ensure your failure is complete. Kill him” “I will kill YOU if you don’t stop talking to me,” Sano growled with anger. Doran gasp in shock and stood still while Sano walked a few steps ahead. Sano, though a bit delayed, took notice of the boys gasp and then turns his head back to see the boy standing in place. “What is it human boy?” “I’m sorry, please don’t kill me, I’ll stop talking now,” said Doran nervously. “Why would I kill you? Now, let us continue on to this lake. I will have more questions to ask of you.” Sano continued to walk ahead. Doran began to walk slowly behind Sano, and then picked up his pace as he shook off his fears. He had to walk a bit faster than normal in order to keep up with Sano’s pace.

Sano’s pace was slow for his size and age, but he was weak, tired and was not use to walking for so long. He began to also realize how hungry he was as well. Doran began talking about how much he liked running through the grass and how he use to have a huge bug collection, but Sano paid very little attention to the ramblings of a child, or the innocence that came along with it. He began to think about her, how her long black thick hair use to dance in the wind during a cool evening, the warmth or her smile that lifted his spirits when the weight of his mind pressed against his soul. He missed when she would press gently against his scales with her warm gray face, so that she could hear his heartbeat. Hearing Doran speak about pleasant things made him long for another one of her stories about dancing goblins and happy songs. He knew now that the only way he could get back to her is to stay alive, to feed, and to drink. He was never one to care of himself, let alone hunts for food most of the time. Now walking this long distance to the lake he feels the burning sensation in his legs, a sensation that begins to anger him. The pain is not what angers him, but what it reminds him of, of being pathetic and not being strong enough to be able to fight and stay with her. “Naliin” Sano whispers to himself, “I will get stronger; I will return to you as a true Bellator.” “Yay, we’re here,” Doran says excitingly. Sano stops to look at the vast lake before approaching closer. “Hey” Squeaks Doran. Sano turns to his attention, as Doran innocently asks, “Hey Sano, what are you?”

[BlueSunUmbra]

Sano sighs from exhaustion as he looks down at a boy anxiously rotating his leather wrist bands around his wrist. “I am a dragon from the Bellator breed,” said Sano proudly. “Wow a dragon, wait, I thought dragons were gigantic?” Doran had a confused look on his face. “There are many breeds of dragon, as I mentioned before, my breed is Bellator,” Sano sits, then stares off towards the lake, as he feels the dryness within his mouth. “Why do you sit and not move ahead to drink water, or are you giving up on life again?” Sano feeling irritated begins to speak, but is interrupted by another one of Doran’s endless questions, “So how old are you, do you have a mother and father?” Sano begins to remember how the dark Sorcerer Mangiin took care of him and his breed through twisted means of survival. Mangiin would often appear before his brethren with live sacrifices of red elves for them to feast upon and punish those who would not partake in the savage feedings. Bellators, though originally bread for battles, were always accustom to eating live stock; of course they were not use to live stock screaming in tongues while pleading for their lives. Sano always found himself isolated in his cave outside of the main Bellator chambers within the Mountains of Whispers, when Mangiin declared feeding time. It seemed like so long ago. “I have been around for 535 years-,” “wow you’re old!” Doran pipes up, Sano continued. “I have no mother, nor father and I am young for my breed. We Bellators can live for 5000 years, some, rare, 9000 years.” Sano stands back up and walks towards the water, Doran follows. “Wow, I’m only 9 and I don’t have any parents either, just my big sister, but we got separated at the farm.”

Sano looks down at the water to look at his reflection, but sees a beautiful gray woman staring back at him with crimson eyes. “Naliin” Sano slowly walks into the water as if to follow someone. Doran looks on as Sano’s body disappears into the vast lake. The woman in her dark gray dress gestures to Sano to follow her as she slowly floats away. Sano swims after her. “Sano…. Sano…” He hears echoing throughout the water. Sano attempts to reach out to her but she vanishes as a small school of fish pass through her. Sano takes in a large amount of water then swims after the school. His animal instincts take over and he begins engaging his new found prey. Fortune found him for these fish were not fast swimmers and his confidence grew as he began narrowing the gap between him and the school of fish. He opened his mouth as wide as he could and engulfed a few of them as the rest all scattered in different directions to get away. He surfaced the water to catch his breath and submerged again to go after more fish, while the thoughts of Naliin danced around his mind encouraging him to survive.

“We feenally found youss.” Doran immediately turned around and his heart felt like it dropped to the pit of his stomach. Three large men stood over Doran, all with tattered, dirty attire and all armed. Doran attempted to run, but one of the men grabbed his arm and threw him down to the ground. “Ya theenk youss and dat bitch cud getss away wit wot youss did ta ma bruther? I shud kill youss right now, butss I wohnt her ta see youss suffah beforrr youss die, boy!” Said one of the men whose teeth were yellowed and crooked, his horrid breath was strong enough to reach all the way down to Doran’s nose who laid in fear on the ground. The man’s blood shot eyes were tensely fixed on Doran’s head as he tightened his grip on his large wooden club. The other two men smiled maliciously as their companion lifted Doran up by his hair. Doran’s efforts were in vain as he tried to loosen the man’s tight grip around his curly hair. The man’s wart cluttered face sneered at Doran as he flung him at one of his companions. His companion caught him and held him tightly wrapped with both arms. “Make surrre youss hold himss tight, wudn’t wohnt him ta getss away agane.” He said as he took off his musty hat to wipe the drool from his mouth before putting it back on. He was going to give the order to head out until he saw a beast rising out of the water. The look of shock, on his deformed face, caused his two companions to turn around. As the beast was completely revealed, the one holding Doran loosened his grip, dropping him. The beast roared at them baring sharp teeth, which caused fear to set into the three men. Doran took the opportunity and ran towards the beast, “Sano, help.” Two of the men were too afraid to comprehend what was going on and ran in the opposite direction, but not him. Not the man whose breath would turn away flies. He would have ran as well but his hatred for Doran was out weighing his fears of the beast and he was adamant on recapturing the child. He held his club with both dirt covered hands, tightly, as he watched Doran cling on to one of the beast’s legs while it stood in the shade under a large tree. “I dunno know wot youss are monstah, butss dat boy belongss ta me.”

Sano was getting use to his own body weight again after being under water. He had consumed a healthy amount of fish and quenched his thirst with the lakes fresh water. His muscles felt a bit shaky after not having used them on such activities in a long time. Sano looked down at Doran clinging to his leg, “who is this and why should I care?” Doran looked back up at Sano, misty eyed, and replied with a shaky voice, “His name is Brak and he wants to kill me. Please you have to help me; I think they have my sister too.” Doran’s plead meant very little to Sano, for Sano cared very little for himself. “You must help this child,” “Naliin?” Sano questioned to what he believed was her voice. Naliin was unlike her father who was cold and cruel; she cared for all living things and tried often to teach Sano compassion for things outside of their relationship, including himself. He thought to himself, would Naliin forgive him if he were to turn away a child who only had him to rely on. Saving this child, who in many ways is a reflection of himself, weak, unkempt, confused, lost and alone, meant saving himself. “Stay behind the tree.” Sano gently pushes Doran away. Doran wipes a tear from his cheek and runs behind the tree. Sano steps out of the shade and growls at Brak. Brak takes a fighting stance and prepares himself. “So I seess youss can tawk monstah, means youss can undahstandss. I’zz not leaven wittout dat boy an I can seess dat youss legss are bit shaky. I’zz thinken dat I canss take youss, an wen I’zz dun bashen yooor head, I’zz gonna have meez a nice dinnah. I reckon youss tasse gud.” Sano has never been in a true fight, nor has he killed a person before. But he was prepared to kill. He slowly began to circle Brak while being cautious of his club. “Well Sano, I guess we’re finally going to see some bloodshed, what fun!”

[BlueSunUmbra]

Brak begins by trying to evoke fear from Sano with bodily gestures that would give anyone the impression he was ready to charge, but failed as Sano stood his ground.

Sano began to charge at Brak, as Brak darted his head around as if he was looking for something on the ground.

Sano’s approach was near, as Brak quickly crouched down, grabbed a rock and tossed it at Sano’s head.

Being unexpected, Sano took the hit on his snout causing him to flinch.

Brak took the opportunity and lunged at Sano arching his club back with both hands. He took a wild swing at Sano’s head, hitting the left side, Brak’s right, mainly causing a hard impact on Sano’s side horn and part of his face and ear, which is a small slit. The strike causes his horn to chip a bit, but the true damage was the deafening sound of the club crashing against his ear, forcing Sano to stumble away from Brak a bit.

Sano immediately tried to retaliate while trying to regain his composure and also took a wild swing with his right arm, exposing the three inch retractable claws which only made contact with Brak’s loose cloth shirt, tearing through it, revealing Brak’s hairy moldy chest.

Brak took caution and jump a few feet back.

Sano went with the momentum of his own swing and continued to swing his whole body around.

Brak, seeing the motion of Sano’s body, quickly jumped back twice.

Sano finished the motion with a complete one eighty, ending it with a tail whip.

Brak didn’t take into account the length of Sano’s tail and unintentionally took the full brunt of Sano’s thick tail end; decorated with horns. The impact cracked Brak’s ribs and dislocated his shoulder while sending him flying, and then crashing down on the ground and finally tumbling on the grass several times before coming to a halt. His wooden club flew in the opposite direction.

Sano turned around to see where Brak had went while trying to deal with the growing headache coming from the damage on his ear. He saw Brak on the ground attempting to get up. Sano, closing one eye in an attempt to hold back pain, headed towards Brak’s location.

Brak was feeling dizzy, the pain from his ribs was almost blinding, the situation with his shoulder didn’t help matters much either. He hears Sano’s footsteps on the grass and forces himself to get up.

Sano shakes his head trying to get sound to flow back into his ear as he approaches Brak; muffled sounds slowing begin to make sense.

Brak, barely being able to stand straight, with his good arm, searches through his pouch franticly.

Sano arrives; facing Brak’s back, anticipating an action.

Brak turns around armed with a four inch blade in hand.

Sano waits.

Feeling dizzy, impatient, and angry, Brak lunges wildly at Sano. Brak’s action was too slow, due to his severe injury, and gets his good arm trapped between Sano’s razor sharp teeth.

Sano squeezes down on Brak’s arm, creating sounds of bones crunching and cracking with flesh tearing.

Brak lets out a scream that can be heard throughout the plains.

Sano’s pulls down with all his might, forcing Brak to fall to the ground and almost losing his arm in the process, as Sano opens his mouth to let go. Sano spits out the blood in his mouth and then rest his foot on Brak’s back, holding him down.

Doran, watching the whole fight, continues to look at the events that are transpiring. He sees that Sano is holding Brak down and feels safe enough to come out from behind the tree. He runs towards their location. In no time he stands beside Sano looking down at the patches of red colored grass. He observes the slow motion of Brak’s breathing and listens to the low moans coming out of his foul mouth. “Where’s my sister?” asked Doran nervously. Brak forces words to come out from the depths of pain, “… youss.. I’zz.. keh.. killsa.. youss.. *cough* yooor.. sah.. sis-tah.. iz.. wit ma.. ma.*cough*.. oldah.. brutha.. Brok.. atts.. farm. Shees.. gonna.. die.. youss n herss.. keeled ouur.*hack*... lil brutha Brik.. youss both.. gonna paysss.. . heh, heh.. *hack*.. ehhhh… “With those final words, Brak’s body becomes motionless. Sano moves his foot off of Brak and stares at his body. “Oh my. Tsk, Tsk. You certainly are a brute.” Sano felt conflicted, he didn’t know how to feel or what to feel about the end result of the fight. He was prepared to kill, but didn’t think he really had to, nor did he expect that he was really capable of killing a person. Killing animals for food was different; it was a way of life, a way of surviving. Was this really a part of survival? Sano tried not to question it, but instead reminded himself that it was necessary for the boy to survive. It’s what Naliin would have wanted, or at least that’s what he convinced himself as the truth. Sano tried not to miss the days he spent sleeping soundly within his dark empty cave.

“We have to go help my sister,” pleaded Doran. Sano looked back at Doran, feeling the pain of his muscles setting in. His body has done a lot today so far that it was not use to doing, walking an hour to the lake, swimming and now fighting. Sano knew that accepting to help this child meant possibly more walking and of course more fighting. He thought to himself how could continuing to help this child, help him get back home and back to Naliin. He didn’t want to get more involved and lose sight of his main goal. He barely knew this child, but again he saw himself reflected in this child. He saw how Doran wanted to get back to his sister much like how he wanted to get back to his love. To deny him of his sister is to deny himself of Naliin. “Where is this farm?” Doran pointed off towards the distance, Sano motioned to move. Doran nodded after he took Brak’s pouch and blade. They began their journey to what might be a deadly encounter.

[BlueSunUmbra]

After a while of walking in silence, Sano spotted an object in the distance. “What is that?” Doran looking ahead was confused and saw nothing interesting. “I don’t see anything,” Sano quickly realized than his vision was superior to that of this human child and began describing what he saw. “Oh…” Doran piped up, “That’s a windmill, part of the farm we’re heading too.” Sano has never seen a windmill or a farm for that matter. He spent most of his life either in his cave or roaming around the Mountain of Whispers. The only thing he knew of farms is what he has read in books within the great library of Whispers. “So tell me little one. What have you and your sister done to incur the wrath of these other humans?”

Doran hangs his head down as he begins to tell his tale. “Me and my sister lost our parents a long time ago.” Doran kicks a rock aimlessly away. “We use to steal food from the food stalls at The City of Scara Brae. We use to have to hide from the guards because we use to steal so much. My big sister said we had to do it to live.” A light breeze passes them by as Doran continues, “One day we took a lot of food and the guards chased us all over the city. We had to hide in, barrels and then crates and then dark alleys. The guards wouldn’t stop this time. My sister said we made them too angry.” Doran brushes his long curly hair away from his face, “She said we had to leave the city and not come back. We ran for days and we were really hungry. Then we met Mr. Nora at the farm. The guards were still chasing us and Mr. Nora let us hide in his barn.” Sano looked puzzled, Doran took notice, “It was because he said that we reminded him of his kids when they were younger and he said he wouldn’t want his kids to live in a dungeon just because they were hungry.” Doran began to notice the windmill in the distance then continued on with his story. “Me and my sister liked to stay out in the fields. Then we would come back to Mr. Nora’s barn to eat and to help him around his farm, it was fun until it wasn’t no more.” Sano growled, Doran knew he understood what was coming next. “Yeah… Brok’s gang showed up and killed some of Mr.’s Nora’s friends. They told Mr. Nora that he had to pay them protection tax every month and that Mr. Nora had to give them food from his farm every week. This happened for a long while.” Doran tightens his grip around his newly acquired blade. “My sister didn’t like what they were doing to Mr. Nora. Mr. Nora didn’t like what my sister was thinking. He didn’t want us to get hurt. One day me and my sister where playing hide and seek at the top of the barn. Brok’s gang showed up. His two brothers saw us playing in the barn because we played near the open window. They came up the ladder and wanted my sister. My sister tried to fight them, but they were strong and I tried to help but I was too weak.” Doran stared at his blade. “My sister yelled at me to duck near the window, I did. Then she pushed one of them at me and he tripped over me and then fell out the window. My sister grabbed me and we climbed down the ladder and ran out the barn. We heard the other guy screaming out the window. The other gang members were all around us. My sister grabbed a pitch fork and told me to run; she told me she would meet me out in the fields. I knew where she was talking about.” Doran paused and saw the wheat fields and the barn in the distance, with smoke rising out of an unknown location on the farm. “I waited for my sister but she didn’t show up, I thought that she might have gotten lost and then I looked everywhere for her and then I got lost. This was days ago. I thought she might still be at the barn but I didn’t know what to do and then I met you.” Sano looked at Doran intensely but didn’t say a word.

As they approach the farms borders, Sano took notice of a large apple tree leaning against a large boulder not too far from the main areas of the farm. Sano Motions to the tree with his head at Doran. Doran nods and they take a quick detour towards the tree. They arrive under the shade and Sano lies down on his underbelly and partially lays out his wings from his sides. Doran sits down with his back against the boulder. Sano sighs “I need to rest a bit before we proceed to the farm.” Sano feels his muscles burning. His ear still feels tingly after the numbing blow he received from Brak. “Are you ready for what’s to come? We may die here and what will be the point? I guess if Naliin is dead at this point you will surely see her soon,” *laughs*. Sano growls, “Be silent or I will rip out your foul tongue.” Doran looks at Sano nervously, Sano quickly takes notice. “Do not fear child. I was not talking to you.” Doran distracts himself by poking the ground with his blade. Sano lays his head down forward on the grass. An apple from the tree falls next to Sano’s head soon after. The bright red apple catches Sano’s attention and then he begins to reminisce about her.

Her crimson eyes holding his attention as she holds on to both of the horns around his neck. Pulling and guiding him as she attempt to teach him how to dance to the sounds of the birds as they harmonize with the rustling of the trees. It was an odd thing for him because his body was not a form made for dancing, but he enjoyed the sentiment behind the gesture. She would end the dance by placing a gentle kiss upon his snout. The warm kiss would clear the cold breeze that would invade him den. He began to refocus on the apple and saw a worm crawling over it, ruined. He knows what he must do and do it soon. He takes a few more moments to think to himself before he forces himself to stand back up. He looks up at the sky which was once clear blue, now dim. “It’s time to go” Doran finishing his second apple, spits out the seeds and stands up. Sano walks around the boulder and stares out into the farmland. He prepares himself mentally for the events ahead. Doran points forward with his blade, “We’re coming to save you Dominique.”

[BlueSunUmbra]

They begin to walk within the borders of Mr. Nora’s farmland. Sano recalls the illustrations of farm houses and fields from his books, including the descriptions. He sees a granary not too far in the distance. The windmill slowly turning from the light wind passing by, Sano assumes it’s being used to help turn hard wheat. He sees a big burgundy barn straight ahead and a small house not too far from the barn itself. He hears sheep and a faint sound of a cow within the area. Sano looks over at the fence holding back the pigs that are rubbing against it. He sees patches of smashed pumpkins and trampled flowers ahead of him. Sano then realizes he smells blood in the air and suddenly commotion to his right. Sano gestures to Doran the direction of the voices. Doran looks at the small corn field and sees smoke coming from that area. They walk into the corn field through an open path. Sano sees men around a bonfire and three sitting on the ground tied up with rope in front of the blaze. Sano can tell that the area around them is wide open, though the straight path leading there can cut the perception of that fact to most. Sano slows down his pace; Doran takes notice and does the same. If the men turned around they might take notice of both Sano and Doran, but corn stalks swaying to the command of the wind can slightly obscure their vision; the distance between Sano and the men also helps. Sano suddenly sees another man coming into view, pushing who seems to be a young woman with her hands bound by rope. The man pushes her down to the ground next to the other men sitting down. Aside from the ones sitting on the ground, Sano counts seven men in total.

“What are you going to do now, oh mighty hero?” Sano ignoring what he’s heard turns to Doran. “Wait, there are too many humans, we would be slaughtered by that large number.” They hear the woman scream, Doran’s jaw gapes, “That’s my sister!” Before Doran could charge Sano spreads out a wing in front of Doran, stopping him in his tracks. The wing slowly folds back into place revealing Sano’s face staring straight into Doran’s wide eyes. “Did you not hear my words? There are too many humans. You enter that area and you will be captured as well and killed shortly after. We must come up with a plan in order to save your sister.” Doran, though young and impulsive, knew Sano was right and gripped his blade tightly with frustration. Sano saw the intensity within Doran’s piercing blue eyes and realized what must be done. “Are you ready to do what must be done in order to save your sister, by taking another’s life, young one?” Sano had no idea what innocence meant when dealing with a child. His spoken words carried the same intent it would have had if he spoke similar words to an adult. To ask such a thing of a child would never cross the mind of most human adults, but Sano was no human nor has he spend any time with them aside from Doran and that time was short. Still, those words did not shake the spirit of the young boy. He held his blade up fearlessly and pointed it at Sano, “yes.” Sano turned around “Then it is settled. Follow me; I will explain to you what I have come up with. I have read farmers use various tools, since you’ve been here before you will help me gather them quickly. We will save your sister.” Doran nodded as they exited the corn field and headed for the barn.

“When da boss shows up you gonna get it girly,” Said a scrawny man with missing teeth to a young girl lying on the ground. The young girl, using her rope bound hands, pushes herself up from the ground and sits on her legs. She snaps her head back in order to whip her long blonde curly hair from her face. She looks at the men sitting down next to her. “It’s going to be alright Dominique, you’ll see, “said an older man with silver hair. His voice was gentle but slightly frail. He was hunched over in order to look at Dominique pass the two other men. “I hope so Mr. Nora,” whispered the young man sitting next to him. “Hope is for fools Jacob,” bellowed the skinny man next to Dominique. Dominique began thinking about the wellbeing of her younger brother. “Then we are all fools Marco. Hope is the only thing keeping our spirits up. Don’t lose hope.” Marco hung his head, staring down at the tears in his beige pants. “I’ll try not to.” The seven men hovering over them began to laugh out and up towards the sky. One of the men trying to hold his laughter back pointed at the captives and shouted, “HA! You lot will all die when da boss gets here. Especially you girl fo’ wot you’ve done ta da bosses brutha. I’m betting da bosses other brutha made short work of your lil squirt.” Then he rejoins the others in laughter. Dominique’s blue eyes begin to fill with sorrow as she looks towards the heavens. The sky reveals the time of day with hints of stars. She brings her bound hands against her chest, feeling the soft leather tunic, which wrapped around her young athletic build. She began to pray in her mind to whoever would listen. “Please, please any lord or being from above. Please protect my little brother. I don’t care what happens to me, but if something did happen to him please strike me down where I sit.” Then one of the men walked up to her, violently grabbed her hair, close to its roots, and then jerked her head to have her face his crotch and smell the stench that came from it. He grinned, revealing old pieces of food stuck between many of his yellowed and green teeth. “While we wait for da boss I say we have a lil fun with this bitch.” Dominique’s eyes widened with fear, Mr. Nora struggled to free himself from the rough ropes bounding his hands and arms. Marco words of defiance were caught in his throat with shock. Jacob, having his legs free from ropes like the other captives, jumped up ready to yell at the thug but was interrupted by a high pitch yell coming from behind him; “LET GO OF MY SISTER ASSHOLE!” Everyone present looks over to see who yelled out, Dominique recognized the voice and her eyes immediately darted towards Doran’s position. Doran stands tall, reflecting the bonfire in his eyes. He backs into the cornfield, disappearing from sight.

[BlueSunUmbra]

“After that lil brat!” yelled one of the men. “I’ll git em” spat out one of the men wearing a gray dingy hat filled with holes. He ran into the wall of corn stalks, trying to push pass the army of vegetation as each stalk he ran by smacked him in his soot covered face. He tries to cover his face with his arms, forgetting that he had a long blade which would have helped clear a path. Running almost blindly, he exits the field, trips over a rope extended several inches off the ground by two wooden stakes, and then falls face first onto the ground as he tries to stop his fall by frantically flailing his arms around in hopes to grab something. He feels something cold in his chest and pushes himself up with only his arms, slowly, and looks between the ground and his chest. He sees a sickle partially buried in the ground and piercing straight through his chest, he tries to yell out but then darkness takes over his vision and he falls back down, motionless.

“Jimmy there is a fast runnah he’s gonna git your brutha right quick,” Said the man with dirty teeth, as he lets go of Dominique’s hair. The other men chuckle maliciously to the thought of finally having another captive to add to their collection. “You guys can’t catch me and your stupid friend is lost.” The men turned and see Doran peeking out of another area of the corn field. Doran quickly slips back into the masses of corn stalks. “Git after him!” Three of the men run towards the stalks. “Wait!” Said one of the three men as he stopped right in from of the small path Doran disappeared into. He looked over at his companions who were identical twins. He pointed to the one who wore a brown tunic decorated with holes. “You go datta way and youss,” looking at the other brother, “Go da othah way. I’ll go through here. Let’s try ta trap ‘em.” He pulls out a long blade with chipped sides and begins to cut away at some of the stalks as he makes his way through the field. One of the twins looks over at his brother who wore a green tunic littered with stains. “Let’s do this Mitch.” “I bet imma get the lil punk first, Wince,” Replied his brother. They both ran into the field, different directions from each other.

Wince pushes the stalks out of his way franticly, while trampling over others he’s missed with his long arms. He saw someone small run pass several feet in front of him through the stalks, and then vanish from sight. “I see ya, ya lil ankle biter.” He began to pick up speed towards the direction he saw the child disappear into before he realized the pointy end of a pitch fork, sticking out of the ground at a ninety degrees angle. Wince tried desperately to slow down his pace before running into the pitch fork, but felt a force of some kind pushing him forward and using his momentum to have his guts wrap around the sharp prongs of the pitch fork. Wince gasp at the intense feeling of having his guts ripped within. Barley being able to hold a thought, his eyes rolls back as his body falls to the side taking the pitch fork down with him. There he lay motionless, as the corn stalks slowly swayed back and forth.

In the same manner as his twin brother, Mitch pushes through the corn stalks in haste. He hears a young voice beckoning him to take a detour and follow. “I’m fastah than me brutha, ya imp.” Taking the bait he picks up his pace and suddenly hears the boy yell out “Watch out for the blade in the ground.” Mitch sees the blade sticking up from the ground, he would have missed without the warning, and hops over it and continues to run as he lands, but unwittingly steps on a rake sending the handle flying up and breaking his nose on impact. Losing his balance he falls back landing on the blade. He had no time to comprehend the tragedy that has occurred to both is nose and heart. His face motionless as his eyes remained fixed to the night sky.

He kept hacking and slashing his way through the corn stalks, kicking some of the ear of corns out of his way as they fell to the ground. He was intent on finding the child, unaware of the ill fate that has claimed the lives of the twins. He arrives at an opened area of the corn field. He looked around and saw many of the stalking pressed down on the ground as if something large stood on top of them. He looked ahead and saw the child come out of hiding to meet him in the area. “Now I got ya.” He walks over to Doran, but stops half was as he hears a lulling growl coming from behind him. He turns around to investigate the sound and drops the blade in shock as his mouth gapes open. He sees a beast covered with scales and horns. The creature parts its mouth open to bare countless sharp teeth, as drool runs down its bottom jaw. Before he could act he felt a sharp pain go through his rectum and then a sharp force peeling away from his bottom. He screams in pain as he quickly turns around to see Doran holding a bloody blade. He feels something pouring down his legs and then a sharp pain around his head as his vision darkens. The last thing he hears is the sound of his skull cracking as he loses consciousness.

Sano opens his mouth, releasing the thug’s bloodied head and watches the body drop lifelessly to the ground. He turns his attention to Doran, a boy in shock as he looks back and forth between the lifeless body and his blood soaked blade. “Snap out of it BOY! The others would have heard this one’s scream and will be on their way here. We didn’t have enough time to set up more traps. You and I will have to try to ambush them through the field, similar to what we have been doing.” Doran slowly lowers his blade. “If it will help, wipe off as much of the blood as you can on this one’s clothing. Quickly” Doran runs to the body and wipes the blade franticly. He then follows Sano through the stalks.

[BlueSunUmbra]

“It’s sad that it takes four men to go after a helpless little boy,” chuckled Jacob as he shakes his head in embarrassment for the thugs. “You tryna git me temper up?” said the dirty mouth man as pieces of old food flew out his mouth. He grabbed his wooden club and walked to Jacob, raised it high in the air, ready to bring it crashing down upon Jacob’s skull, but held still to the sound of screaming coming from within the corn field. “Dat sounded like Foog,” he directed his statement to his two remaining comrades, who both shrugged with confusion, as he lowered his club. “I don’t like da sound ov dat,” he said, as he wiped drool from the stubs on his chin and on to his tattered black shirt. “O-right, you four git up, we’re getten outta this place.” The four captives looked at each other with concern. “Come on, come on, you heard Chomp. Git up we’re leaven.” Said the man with one eye as he pulled out a blade and pointed it at the exit.

Chomp leads them out the exit of the corn field and walked several feet away from the entrance. The three men pushed their captives onto the ground behind them. Two of the men walked behind their captives and had their weapons drawn and pointed at the back of their prisoner’s heads. Chomp stood in front of them and then turned his attention towards the cornfield. “Awright ya brat. Come on out or I’ll ‘ave Poe and Nat kill yo’ friends and I’ll personally kill ya sistah.”
Doran walked out of the cornfield, but before he could take another step towards Chomp, Sano came out jumping from behind the stalks and over Doran. Sano landed in between Chomp and Doran releasing a mighty roar as he spread out his wings with excitement. Chomp was startled and dropped his weapon as did his two companions. Dominique screams out for Doran and jumped to her feet. Marco let his instincts take over and jumped to his feet and ran towards the barn. “Come on everyone,” Yelled out Mr. Nora, as he followed Marco’s lead. Jacob quickly followed behind Mr. Nora as he yelled at Dominique, “Hurry!” Dominique ran behind Jacob while trying to get a clear view of her brother. “Quickly, go with the others and help free them,” growled Sano at Doran while never losing sight of Chomp and his men. Doran ran to Dominique as she ran towards the barn.

“It… It talks,” stuttered Chomp as he completely ignored the escape of his prisoners. Poe and Nat looked at each other. Poe gulped a large amount of his own saliva then gasp, “that’s the same monster as before Nat.” Nat slowly nodded in agreement.

The sound of hooves thundered across the farmland grabbing everyone’s attention. The three thugs turn around to inspect the sounds. Sano looks in the same direction and sees a man on horseback riding fast through the dirt road heading to their position. In no time the rider arrives and hops off his horse. He looks over at the thugs and the creature behind them. He then glares over at the barns and sees people fiddling around with rope. He cracks his thick neck with a slight head movement. The sounds of his thick leather boots were hard to miss as he stomped towards the thugs. He swung his massive arms back and forth as if he were pushing against the tide. The moonlight reflected off his bald head and his blood shot eyes as he pounded his fist against thick leather chest armor in order to display strength. Standing next to the thugs he clearly towered over them. A sweat bead rolled pass his large bicep and down to his leather gauntlet, as he reached around his leg, covered in thick leather pants, to pull out a curved dagger from its sheath. It would be thought he had no mouth viewing his thick facial hair that hid it, but he spoke with a deep loud voice. “Wot’s going on here?” waiting for an answer he looked at the thugs.

“Oh no, Brok is here!” bellowed Marco. Dominique having her hands free used a sickle from the barn to cut Marco’s hands free from the ropes. Doran was struggling to cut Mr. Nora’s hands free with his blade. Jacob was watching Brok, as Brok slashed Poe’s throat. Jacob continued to look with eyes widen with surprise. Dominique slowed her cutting pace as her attention was captivated by Brok’s surprising action and then Brok pierced through Nat’s remaining eye, as Nat was apparently pleading for his own life. Nat’s body dropped lifelessly on the ground next to Poe’s. “He killed his own men!” cried out Marco.

Chomp’s legs became weak with fear and gave way to his weight. He fell down extending his arms out; trying to defy what he knows is to become of him. “Wait boss, I can explain!” panic took over Chomp’s mind as Brok took steps towards him. “First these two tell me ma lil brutha Brik is dead.” Brok sheathes his dagger with one arm as he unsheathes a broad sword with his other. “Then they tell me they left ma lil brutha Brak to die wit this monstah.” He points the sword at Chomp’s chest. “Then you tell me dat you let da one’s dat started it all git away?” He thrust his sword through Chomp’s chest. Chomp breathlessly opens his mouth to defy Brok’s actions, but he’s too late. Death will claim him in moments as the weight of his head becomes too much for his neck and it drops to the ground, motionless. “I don’t need fools by ma side. I don’t need any of these fools. I just came back from joining The Scara Scourge and you weren’t invited.” He pulls out his blade and looks at the blood with pleasure. He then looks up at Sano. “Now it’s your turn Monstah. You’ll pay for me bruthas life wit your blood and then I’ll kill da rest ov da vermin in da barn.” With one swift kick, he knocks Chomp’s body out of his way, sending it tumbling by several feet towards the direction of the barn.

“Looks like this one is going to be trouble Sano. Do you think anyone will mourn for you after he sends you to the afterlife, assuming there’s a place for you there?” Sano ignores the voice and focuses on Brok. He folds his wings back up, and takes up a defensive stance. He glances over at the Doran peeking out of the barn, and then back at Brok who grips his sword with both hands. Sano thinks to himself, “Naliin, I will not fall today. I will come back to you.” He roars out, “You will not harm anyone else today. You will fall before me like your brother did. Come at me!” Sano muscles still ache from today’s events and his confidence wavers as he knows that this opponent is not to be taken lightly.

[BlueSunUmbra]

Brok began to charge at Sano with incredible speed. Sano’s unskilled reflexes where not prepared for such velocity. Sano’s lower collar section became an open invitation to Brok’s shoulder bash; geared with thick leather shoulder pads.

A bipedal creature would have fallen over from such an impact, but Sano’s dragon form helped keep him balanced with the additional help of his mass weight.

Sano stumbled back a bit, which was unexpected for Brok while he attempted a wide swing with his broad sword and expecting to do the greatest amount of damage with his attack. There was not enough distance between to two combatants to make the most of his sword attack, which caught Sano on his right neck horn, leaving a slash mark on it and nothing else.

Sano felt the impact of the broad sword, but did not hesitate to return the favor. With an overhead swing, Sano brings razor sharp claws raining down upon Brok’s chest.

Brok’s quick reflexes helped him avoid the full impact of Sano’s fury; only receiving a scrap across his armor. Sano’s adrenaline aided him to mentally block out the burning sensation of his muscles and attempted another attack with his front claws.

Brok revealing himself to be more of an experience fighter with every move, anticipated Sano’s attack. With two well place steps, Brok avoided the downward thrust from Sano’s swing and added to his own action with an upward sword swing. His attack was well placed as it opened a path for blood to flow from under Sano left shoulder.

Jacob massages his own wrist as Dominique finished cutting the ropes that bound them. His eyes fixated on the fight as were hers. Doran broke through their gaze with an outburst of concern. “We have to help Sano! He’s my friend!” Without waiting for a response Doran attempts to run out the barn, but is held back by his sister. “No Doran, if you go out there you’ll be killed.” She reflects back to when Brok first arrived at the barn with his gang. She remembered how he slaughtered five of the men working on the farm single handily. “We are no match for him,” she admitted. “We can’t just do nothing,” exclaimed Doran. “Doran is right!” spoke out Jacob with a tone of confidence. Mr. Nora nodded in agreement with Jacob as Marco stood silent. “Quickly, let’s look around for some useful tools and help your friend,” Said Mr. Nora. Doran’s face lit up as he and the rest of them began looking around the barn as fast as their will can move them.

Sano felt the blood running down his humorous and then the pain that settled in. Brok did not let up with his attacks. He attempted to end the fight by aiming his next sword thrust at Sano’s head.

Sano instinctually stood up on his hind legs to avoid the attack. Brok, placing too much power behind his attack, stumbled forward. Sano tried to land his front legs on Brok as he came back down, but Brok, within his stumbled moment, clumsily moves out of the way.

This gave Sano an opportunity to follow up his failed attempt with a successful bite on Brok’s right shoulder. His razor sharp teeth were challenged by Brok’s shoulder pads, but the strength of his jaw muscles was enough to squeeze the leather garment around Brok’s shoulder.

Locking down the bite, and assisted with a violent jerking motion, he was able to injure Brok’s shoulder. Brok grunted in pain. With is free arm, Brok held his sword tightly then slammed the hilt of his blade against Sano’s snout. The blow was enough to have Sano let go.

Brok dropped to the ground and use the momentum to roll away from Sano. Sano charged at Brok as Brok quickly stood back up.

Sano felt the stinging pain coming from his own shoulders as his regenerative ability slowly began to take effect. He lunged at Brok with jaws gaping and snapped down on the air as Brok hop a few feet away, avoiding the attack.

Sano quickly followed after Brok with a tail swing aimed at Brok’s head. Brok was all too well prepared for the attack and ducked to avoid it.

Brok felt the pain from his shoulder and couldn’t hold his sword properly. In desperation, Brok risk further injury to his shoulder and place all his might in tossing his sword, with both arms, at Sano.

Sano, slow to react, welcomed a broad sword through his right wing and into the side of his body. Sano released a mighty roar, as if to defy what has occurred. Sano’s leathery skin prevented the sword from going deeper than it was intended to.

Brok’s attack took a toll on his own shoulder, but his adrenaline helped him focus on what was next. He watched Sano attempting to pull the sword out from his side with his mouth. He quickly unsheathed his steel dagger and tossed it at Sano as well.

Sano roared out in pain as the dagger reminded him of his other wound. The blade burrowed within the same injury under his left shoulder. Only the handle was exposed.

Sano felt the cold steels resting in both his side and shoulder. His anger began to slowly replace his agony as he felt his fire glands burn.
Brok felt numbness setting in his right arm, but his determination drove him to charge at Sano as he pulled out yet another blade from his side sheathe.

Sano began to feel fatigue. This has only been his second real fight in his life and it’s happening in the same day as his first one. He followed his instincts on what to do next.

Brok yelled out in a blinding rage, raising his arm high .He held his short sword up in fury as he ran at Sano.

Without so much as a thought Sano leaned forward and released a Fire Puff. The blaze caught Brok off guard as he took a great deal of the attack to his face.

Brok dropped his sword and covered his face in reaction to the attack and the burning sensation coursing throughout his face. There was no trace of hair to be found on his face as his fingers fumbled around in a panic. He screamed the pain of five tortured men as Sano was pulling out the blades that had made his body their home.

The sound of screaming caught Dominique’s attention as she was shuffling through hay in search of a pitch fork. She noticed that everyone else stopped to the sounds of agony. “Where’s Doran?” yelled out Dominique in a panic, but he was nowhere to be found within the barn.

[BlueSunUmbra]

Coughing up smoke further agitated his wounds. He felt the crimson river flow from his body to wash away the greenery beneath him. The night air brought in the smell of cooked flesh into his nostrils. His vision was caught in a battle between focused and blurred as he tried to get his mind and body ready to end this violent confrontation.

“Quickly before he regains his wits, tear out his throat!” Knowing what he’s heard, Sano steadies his stance from the slight teetering he was beginning to feel. He looks straight ahead at Brok, who had become quiet and was slowing removing his hand from his face. Without further delay he ran at Brok with every ounce of strength, baring his teeth and ready to sink them into Brok’s skull.

Brok was no fool and no virgin to battle. He enjoyed it, he lived it, and he heard the march of desperation heading his way; inviting him to take action. Brok dropped to the ground and grabbed his sword as he rolled out of Sano’s charges. With one knee to the ground, Brok held out his sword with his one good arm. He allowed Sano’s left hind leg to brush against the sharp steel while Sano ran by.

Sano’s tough scaly skin and mass prevented him from losing a leg, but not from receiving yet another showcase wound. The blow to his leg and the fatigue over coming him was too much and he fell with a thump that could be heard throughout the night sky. His own locomotion added a spin to his fall, one that made him roll from the grass to the dirt covered ground outside the barn.

“You are weak Sano!” said a bellator dragon with disdain. Sano looked back at the dragon and the other’s as they surrounded him. “What do I care what you think Nex?” Sano replied as he turned around and headed towards the exit, pushing pass the other bellators. Nex growled at Sano, “You are pathetic. I don’t see why the master keeps you around as well. You don’t hunt like you should nor can you fight like you were born to. The master is the only reason I don’t rip out your throat lizard!” The other bellators laughed at Sano as he did not turn around to respond. “You should just crawl under a rock and die!” yelled out another bellator at Sano.

The words of his fellow bellators kept repeating themselves over and over as he exited from the cave and into a void. He felt like he should give up. He did not understand his purpose and became lost in his mind.

Sano saw a piecing light from the void. The light became brighter and chased away the darkness. A figure emerged from where the light began and floated towards him. He saw the most beautiful creature as it reached out to touch his face. He recognized the person “Naliin?” He felt her warm hands wash away his doubt and felt at ease. Her voices echoed out through his mind while she spoke, “You must not give in to the absolute oblivion of self-doubt. You must fight on.” Sano felt her soothing words, but became sadden by her absents. “How can I go on without you?” His eyes told her the secrets of his loneliness, but she knew better. “You are never alone my love. I will always be by your side. Now prove to me that you will always be by mine, by opening your eyes and continuing to live.”

Awakening from a haze, Sano opened his eyes to see a face burnt and red with blood shot eyes staring down at him. Brok, slumped to the side, stood over Sano as he lay injured on his side. He had his sword pointed at Sano’s neck. “Well now monstah. Wot was dat you said earlier about me falling before you?” Defying the scorching pain running through his face he put on the widest smile he could and arched his sword back. “Say hello ta ma lil bruthahs for me!”

Brok felt a shock of pain run through his body before he could bring down his justice upon Sano’s neck. He released a sound of pain that could wake the dead. The pain was sharp and then it was replaced was a throbbing pain as he felt something awful running down his legs. He gritted his teeth in order to hold back as much of the pain as he could and turned around. He looked down and saw a child holding a blood soaked dagger with both shaky hands.

“Doran run!” yelled out Sano as he realized his savior had arrived, but Doran stood frozen in place with fear as Brok raised his sword at him. With what remaining strength Sano could conjure up, he arched his lower half while simultaneously swinging his tail as hard as he could.

Brok turned to look in time to open his face to a full tail end bash. His skull caved in as his nose bone flew into his brain. His neck snapped back as his body toppled over. His large limp body hit the ground as if someone dropped a rock. Clouds of dust flew up in reaction to the impact.

Doran, feeling safe, wasted no time in running to Sano and put as much of his arm as he could around Sano’s neck, “are you ok?” Dominique, Mr. Nora, Jacob and Marco rushed behind Doran as the realized they found him. They stopped in front of Sano’s body and stared at both Doran and Sano as words escaped their thoughts. Sano laid still as his gaze was fixed on Doran. “As long as you are unharmed nothing else matters…… friend.” As those words escape Sano’s mouth he felt them to be right. No one besides his true love ever cared for his wellbeing. The satisfaction of Doran’s safety was enough for Sano to let go and have fatigue take over. No longer being able to hold his eyes open, Sano fell into a deep sleep.

“I’m proud of you my love. You continued to hold on and show, not only to me, but to yourself, that you are willing to live. I see our future together will be a bright one.”

End of Chapter 1

[Lye]

Judgment Type: Full Rubric/Full Commentary
Participants: Solo



Plot: 13/30

Story- 5/10
The elements of story were present in the writing. There was an origin, a decent build, climax, and tapered resolution. The origin story was creative but a little hard to follow. The origin could have used some history information from the character sheet to explain the details of Bellators – where they came from and how they got there.

The progression to the other dimension (Althanas) was fine, and there was an effort to differentiate between the two. Sano did not know what a human was or what a windmill looked like. He did seem to adapt rather well to this strange world and rather quickly without much internal questioning or emotional ques. This may be due to his higher intelligence, but there were no writing elements present to explain this to the reader. The elements to create a climax seemed to be forced, especially with Doran acting so casual around the dragon but then seeming to recall his sister was in danger. If a young boy had lost his sister and was looking for her, this would have been a higher priority in the dialogue and action.

The climax, or battle at the farm, became a little chaotic. The usage of names for every bad-guy was a little hard to follow. Names are better given to more important characters so the reader can maintain focus on them. Those that die a few paragraphs down do not need to be fleshed out unless they play a vital role in the overall story.

The resolution was done well. The usage of the main character getting injured and receiving aid from the others was a good use of tying all the characters in together. Making the hero seem killable is a good mechanic to create suspense for the reader.

Setting- 5/10
More adjectives and techniques would have brought the setting to life. The imagery for the surrounding area was flat, but the usage of the setting with the characters was admirable. The setting was there for the characters to use and this is vital in creating a living environment. To engage the reader even further, the mention of scent, taste, sound, etc can be used more frequently. New scenes were explained in one big clump, but pulling the character into them was admirable. The following was an effective use of senses to describe the setting:

“He sees a field of grass stretching out as far as the eyes can see. His thoughts are interrupted by the chirping sounds from the flock of birds flying overhead through the blue clear skies. He feels the unfamiliar warmth of the sunlight shielding his body. The air was fresh and crisp, a taste he never knew existed when he slept his days away back at his cave.”

To improve upon this, writing tense needs to be maintained first and foremost. Secondly, stretching these descriptors out over character actions makes it more fluid to the reader. They should not be hit by a setting, then brought into action, but should discover the setting as the character moves about within it.

Pacing- 3/10
Due to the changes in tense, lack of breaks in paragraphs, and run on sentences, the pacing of the read suffered greatly. The story potential exists and with the proper mechanics would have had an engaging pace, but the delivery hurt the most. When characters speak in turn it is common to break this up for the reader. An example:

“Morning Dad!” said the young boy.

“Morning kiddo! You ready for school?” replied the father.

“Don’t forget to make your bed!” a matronly woman shouted from downstairs.

Each line is attributed to one character and lets the reader know that a change of speaker has been made. An example of confusing speech due to lack of breaks happened in the battle:

“When da boss shows up you gonna get it girly,” Said a scrawny man with missing teeth to a young girl lying on the ground. The young girl, using her rope bound hands, pushes herself up from the ground and sits on her legs. She snaps her head back in order to whip her long blonde curly hair from her face. She looks at the men sitting down next to her. “It’s going to be alright Dominique, you’ll see, “said an older man with silver hair. His voice was gentle but slightly frail. He was hunched over in order to look at Dominique pass the two other men. “I hope so Mr. Nora,” whispered the young man sitting next to him. “Hope is for fools Jacob,” bellowed the skinny man next to Dominique.

Even with the italics, it is easy to be confused by who is talking or if the speaker has changed. The reader is almost forced to backtrack and read the speech a second time once the descriptor of who was talking was made.



Character: 14/30

Communication- 5/10
Dialogue was the backbone of this thread. Approximately 1/2 -1/3 of the body of text was dialogue or inner monologue. This speech defined the character personalities and allowed the reader to get an idea of who they were dealing with. Some speech seemed forced and inaccurate for the other elements present. This again is mentioned when Doran meets Sano and only much later makes reference to his missing sister. If a game of hide and go seek was the reason they were separated that far apart, it would have been more natural. The overuse of “s” in the slurred speech of the bad-guys hurt the reading flow and could have been more lightly used for the same affect. The use of dialect in writing is an advanced technique which adds more life and flavor to the writing.

Action-4/10
Overall, not a lot happened in the story. Sano was banished to Althanas, met the boy, grabbed a bite to eat, then went to save his sister. In the breaking of chapters, this does help to explain to the reader that more is to come, but it presses the writer to deliver a sense of purpose to the reader in a short time frame. So far, the only reason Sano helped the boy was because of his devotion to his lover’s will to "help all living things". There was a matter of contradiction since Sano still caused the death of the thugs. Perhaps instead of having a regard for all living things it would have fit better to have the urge to always help those in need. Sano’s colder demeanor yet extremely caring lover is an odd dynamic that needs to be carefully tread upon. It seemed as though Naliin is exceptionally caring and open, where as Sano is reclusive and filled with angst. In a realistic sense, two opposites of moral fiber tend to conflict heavily, yet Sano changed his original personality to help out a strange boy. It confuses the reader as to how Sano is able to effectively assist a stranger when experiencing immense suffering, sorrow, and an unwavering determination to get back with Naliin.

Persona- 5/10
Character personalities were strong through the presence of dialogue above. The inconsistencies have already been mentioned in the character’s actions. When writing a good story, a sense of purpose needs to be maintained and readers are able to follow on major storyline easier than several smaller ones. What that means is when the characters go off on a tangent or quest, there needs to be distinct reason for that to flow into the main purpose of getting back to Naliin. In this story, the only trying factor was what Naliin would do. It still works, but is not as strong as if the boy mentioned he saw a few other strange things randomly appear in the forest. Then, Sano would have a reason to know more about what he’s seen and give a Sano a greater reason to assist so he could learn more.



Prose: 9.5/30

Mechanics- 3/10
This will be the weakest area of the writing. As mentioned above, the dialogue needs to be broken up to create proper flow to the reader. There also existed issues in punctuation. Here is an example:

“The torments that go on in his head, that drives his motivation, to do anything, down into a void of despair.”

Out of context, this sentence makes no sense. Even in the reading, it is hard to comprehend and roughly tells the reader that Sano is troubled. The issue with this sentence is there is no independent clause to tie all these independent clauses together. No one fragment of that sentence can stand alone and make sense. A rewrite to sentence would be:

“The torments that went on in his head, that drove his motivation to do anything, were a void of despair.”

Although better as two sentences, a clear sentence would be:

“The torments that went on in his head eliminated his motivation to do anything; his mind was a void of despair.”

Clarity- 3/10
Issues in tense changing from present to past tense ruined reader clarity. A body of writing should always maintain the same tense. Exceptions for tense change can be made, but should be a paragraph of their own and made to stand away from the main body. Examples of these would be flashbacks, future thought, or similar deviations from the norm.

Technique- 3.5/10
There was a lack of personification, metaphors, and similes present in the writing. The usage of dialect in speech was effective and added life to the characters. Bold names for first use are useful for the reader. More colorful adjectives and usage of comparison via the above techniques would have fleshed out the details more effectively. Using alternate terms for the same words would have minimized repetition. The mention of Sano being “weak” was vastly overused.



Wildcard: 6.5/10

This is where I can be a little personal and talk about your character like you asked in the request.

I really enjoy the character that Sano could be. I find it curious that he dropped his line of thinking to help out the boy. I figured Sano would have had more hate, panic, or sorrow when he appeared in another realm far away from his love. Sano did not dwell on this very much but knowing he still thought of her and saw visions of her helped to let me know he didn’t completely forget about her. The only issue I had with that was the amount of times he had these visions in such a short thread. These visions largely distracted me from what was going on with the real events. I think it would be nice to flesh out the reason for the visions being attributed to some magic she possesses to keep in communication. Hallucinations could also be explained as a result of his malnutrition.

At present, I see Sano as more of a knight of justice. He didn’t seem to harbor anger for long, his determination to help was unwavering, and he didn’t show any one emotion too strongly. I feel Sano needs a stronger presence, but seeing as how he is just starting out, that leaves plenty of room for development. I want to see more of Sano and I love the character concept. Build him up and keep him going in a strong direction. I want him to struggle with this detachment, get angry, sad, and make a bad choice or two out of brashness. Sano has a lot going on, so future threads are going to be great at explaining what is next to come.

Because of all this, I’m scoring you pretty high in the Wildcard.



Final Score: 43/100

BlueSunUmbra (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17160-BlueSunUmbra) receives:


630 EXP!
100 GP!

Congratulations!

[Mordelain]

Experience and gold added.