View Full Version : Blood In The Water Of The Mind
This battle will be closed to Sanste.
The Hands of the Word, members of The Order of the Crimson Hand, had made mention of a new adventurer capable of a rare magic that could animate raw materials into sentient forms. Based on their collected information, this boy was the son of a greater master of the trade. Apparently, he traveled with one of his father's creations that was said to be "so life-like, it would deceive the senses". Curious at this boy's potential, Lye, the head of The Order of the Crimson Hand, personally took on the task to meet this boy. Although, not pure in his intentions, Lye would either twist the boy's mind to his cause, or give him a dark reason to improve his talents only to manipulate him later from the shadows.
Not often willing to present himself in public settings, Lye slunk through the halls of the Citadel in his typical crowd-faring garbs. He kept a slumped posture, a staggered walk, and his equipment well hidden by long, filthy rags. The occasional participant or Ai'Brone monk offered a curious gaze. Several steps ahead of him lead one such monk also sharing a similarly aged gait.
"It's not often we see such... weathered individuals willing to use our establishment," said the hooded monk in an old, raspy voice. "Is this your first time?"
Lye stayed silent, trying to keep his speech minimal. His reasons were his own, but he dared not utter a word. The monk kept his pace in quiet until he looked back out of intrigue to see Lye's cloth-hidden face nod confirmation to his inquiry.
"I see," he replied with stoic features. "I have seen many things happen behind these walls. Rest easy in knowing I harbor no opinion of your choices."
If only he knew the things Lye had done, or the terrible feats he was capable of, the monk may have sung a different tune. Luckily, their kind was barred from sharing the details of events occurring in these walls. Even Lye's fellow Hands of the Order turned up very little about happenings of The Citadel and its monks. In fact, this great establishment was nearly the only place safe from prying eyes and ears. It was a thorn in his side - an eternal unknown and safe haven for those watched by The Order. Ironic that it also proved a fantastic place to interrogate and break down the more naive and innocent of targets. Today will be one of such ventures. Lye was gambling that this unique young man would indeed take the bait.
"Well," the monk stated, stopping at one of the hundreds of identical wooden doors, "Here is the room you requested. There is a bed should you need to rest, and when you are ready, place your hand on the pedestal. Try to envision where you want to be and walk through the second door. Be warned that once you enter that door, you will not be able to go back. When everything has concluded, we will fetch you."
The monk wrestled with a large ring of keys he produced from beneath his linen robes. Each one he flipped through looked worn and ragged. They all shared the same wrought iron appearance with only a few that stood out from the others in quality. One could assume that those unique keys mated with rooms of great importance or power. Boney fingers stopped at a specific key, one that Lye could not distinguish from the others, and held it out as if to confirm it with failing vision.
"Room 37," he mumbled to himself before turning to the door. The door was made from a magnificently cared for grain and finish. The only blemish it bore were the scratches, grooves, and dull sheen of the lock and handle. The monk displayed an example of how the door got its disfigurement while his old hands wrestled with inserting iron to iron. With a twist of his leathery hand, the lock clicked and door creaked open.
"Here you are. Good luck with your endeavors."
Lye's old frame nodded and weakly made its way inside, letting the thick wooden door close behind him. Barely enough to hold the small bed it contained, only a pedestal, iron hanging hooks, and two doors disrupted the cold, damp stone walls. If it weren't for the the eternal flicker of The Citadel's enchanted braziers, the room would be in darkness. It felt more like a prison than a room. Lye made his way to the rather plain rectangular pedestal with slight haste in his step and placed his palm upon the cold, wear-polished surface. His mind was clear in his destination and his gloved hands gave pull to the second door.
As the monk had warned, once Lye's figure entered the blackness of the doorway, he was hammered with the senses of his own imagination turned to life. His shadowed eyes took time to adjust to the change, and his ears rang from an apparent change of pressure. The warm, stale air of the Citadel's room changed to a fresh, chilling breeze. In the absence of the flickering brazier stood the most glorious full moon amid a starry sky. Together, they played a delicate game of hide and seek amongst drifting tufts of cottony white. The scent of pine was evident, mixed with moist earth and dew. Lye took a few steps to regain a feel for this new place, finding the crisp crunch of a heavily trafficked road beneath his feet. The road seemed to disappear into a horizon of shadowed mountain crags. Rebellious wild grass stood defiant to each side. A quarter of his vision was now occupied by trees with only a few stragglers littering the rest of the open plains. To his back, he noticed a small cottage, dimly lit within. An evening breeze carried from it the sting of fresh manure. Yet, within the crudely constructed fences, there only stood freshly plowed earth - not a man nor beast seemed present. It was just as he had depicted in his mind and for what he did not imagine in detail, it seemed the Citadel was keen to fill on its own. Truly a marvel of its time, this place's abilities impressed Lye once again.
The robed figure took a moment to assess the surroundings a second time, taking mental note of terrain, placement, and even the direction of the wind. He picked a place like this to provide his eventual guest with a sense of calm and familiarity. He recalled that his Hands of The Word mentioned the boy came from lands similar to this. Lye had heard he was of a curious nature and he placed his faith on this quality. Only a matter of time and patience, Lye let his hunched, feeble figure stand openly on the road with only a tree or two to share his immediate vicinity. The dense, pine forest was but a dash away, but Lye wanted to make sure that wherever his partner may appear, he would be visible. Undoubtedly, the boy would have some questions about the message he was given. As for his companion, Lye had limited information on what to expect, but that was precisely why he picked this place to meet.
What events would transpire next? Only the threads of fate could tell...
This reply came out a lot longer than I thought I could write. Anyways, I hope I did a decent opening. Let me know if there are ways I could improve. Thanks again for taking me along.
The bright mid morning sun poured through the window on an elf and boy. The small beat up window belonged to an equally sorry looking inn room. It was filled with a dirty bed where the boy rested and a small desk which was propped up by a rock instead of a leg. However, anyone looking in would be focused on the elf. This male elf was currently in the process of delivering a speech worthy of any professor (or mother for that matter) on why people should be up and awake by this time of day. Unfortunately, this amazing speech met deaf ears and were rudely replied with a loud snoring.
Finally, the elf seemed to give up and resorted to more 'aggressive' strategies and began to vigorously shake the bed which sent a cloud of dust, bugs, and straw throughout the room. Soon after, the boy named Sanste awoke in a fit of coughing and was slightly pink with 'righteous' rage.
“How dare you, Arix!” the boy almost yelled at the elf in between coughs. “That was ONLY SEVEN hours of sleep and you know I NEED at least EIGHT.”
“Master Sanste, the inn keeper clearly stated we need to be out by noon or else we will pay for another day of rent which would be wasted,” the elf calmly replied. “Besides, it was your decision to stay up all night reading three thousand and three days for the fifth time.”
This verbal argument might have continued however at that moment, a raven landed on the open window with a small letter in its beak. Its beady eyes darted at the elf then at the boy. Apparently seeing what it was looking for, it dropped the letter then flew off beyond eyesight.
“Master Sanste, please be careful, it might have some evil magic,” Arix said a bit too late as Sanste picked up the letter and read off the address.
“To Master Sanste the Golem Crafter.”
“Well, he seems to know me and knows how to write so he must be a good person,” Sanste replied as he opened the seal to read the letter.
To Sanste.
I hope this letter finds you well. I have admired your father's works and would like to meet you. I have set up a room at the Citadel in town. Just tell the monks there your name and ask them to lead you to room 37. I will be waiting there at noon.
“Well, seems like a friendly enough person and he knows my father too. I guess he forgot to sign his name but that's not a big deal. Let's go check this guy out to see what he has to say,” Sanste told Arix while walking out the door to check out of the inn.
“Master Sanste, please be a bit more aware of the dangers in this world. This could be a trap to try and hold you for ransom.” Arix pleaded in mental communication as they finished checking out from the dirty inn leaving the money on the cracked counter.
“Fine, 'mother',” Sanste replied mentally.
Going to a nearby empty alley, Sanste sat down and scooped up some of the smelly earth. First order of business was two legs. Sanste decided to make them thick and tough like two trees in the nearby forest he had grown up by. Making the legs a bit narrower in the middle for knee joints, Sanste moved onto the body. “Hmm, I guess a head is just a waste of soil since golems don't need it,” Sanste thought while adding on a stout body roughly equal in size to a 4 or 5 year old boy except it was at least twice as thick. “Speed or strength?” Sanste asked himself as he got down the final part also known as arms. “Well, who says you can't have some of both,” Sanste answered his question as he added on dirt to complete arms that seemed a bit thin compared to the body. “Good enough,” Sanste decided and cut his finger allowing a few dark red drops of blood to splash onto the earth creation.
A few seconds passed and the dirt creature began moving but Sanste paid it no attention as he began gathering more soil. “Well, maybe heads are useful after all,” Sanste said to himself as he came up with a new idea. This time, Sanste compacted the earth into a large ball slightly bigger than a head. “All done,” Sanste thought as he let a new flow of blood drip onto this ball. “Who said golems had be able to move,” Sanste laughed silently as he thrust the ball into Arix's hands. Sanste was just about to leave when he noticed a few rusty iron scraps in the alley. “Well, looks like these things could be put to better use,” Sanste said aloud as he thrust a few iron pieces into the headless humanoid golem.
Leaving the alley, Sanste walked straight to the Citadel with Arix. The small humanoid golem followed along too as the iron slowly transformed into rusty iron claws a few inches long.
The sun was shining down when Sanste arrived. He decided not to waste time since he was already slightly late. “Hello, I'm Sanste. I was told you could take me to room 37,” he said to the nearest monk.
The monk seemed to take a long look at Sanste before replying, “Are you sure you are Sanste? I do not think the other party is someone a person like you would want to meet.”
“Yes, I'm Sanste. What do you mean? Well, nevermind. I'm in a hurry, I'm suppose to be there by noon so take me to room 37 quickly.”
The monk seemed to almost shake his head as he led Sanste through the hallways to the door marked with 37.
“Master Sanste, please don't do this. Even a stupid golem like me can sense something strange about this,” Arix pleaded one last time even though he knew the case was hopeless.
“Oh shut up, Arix. If I always followed you and your 'mothering', I would never learn anything or have fun,” Sanste replied clearly showing his annoyance. He yanked the door open and entered with Arix and the small humaroid golem.
Memories flowed into Sanste's head. The fresh manure smell, the small cottage, and the forest. It was almost like home except the people were missing and the things were in the wrong places. Still, Sanste couldn't help but say “Father... Mother...” as he looked around.
Wondering what to do, Sanste was about to head for the cottage when he noticed a hunched, robed figure standing in on the road near the forest. For some reason, even though he was standing in the open, Sanste had nearly missed him. His eyes didn't seem to want to stay on this dark figure no matter how hard he tried.
“Maste...”
“Yes, I know. Shut up you stupid 'mother'!” Sanste screamed across the mental channel. He did feel a bit of regret this time since the figure did seem rather shady but he was fed up with Arix right now.
“Hello, are you the one who sent the letter?” Sanste asked a safe distance away while Arix moved half way in front of Sanste and the small humanoid golem did the same on the other side.
His assumptions paid out when Sanste and company materialized from the air like an illusion. Lye stood unwavering, with fixed, shadowed eyes. Their figures were hard to discern in the moonlight, but he noticed the boy was no more than a teenager. Patiently, he let the youth grow accustomed to the artificial surroundings, gimmacing at the mumbled words of mother and father. While Sanste seemed occupied with his own sense of nostalgia, Lye couldn’t help but notice the stern demeanor of his elf-like partner and freakish midget.
“Truly marvelous,” Lye thought in admiration.
The elf was a work of art and seemed as though it was real. Lye could not distinguish it as a magical being. Its speech was clear and natural. There were no seems or runic inscriptions. It came as a shock that the Hands of The Word were even able to distinguish its true nature. Even the lumpy cretin seemed to be of great potential. This admiration stirred something dark in his mind, only to be magnified with the boy’s naive question.
“Sanste,” Lye answered deep and raspy, “Thank you for meeting me. I have a matter to discuss with you…”
The old figure let his ragged, hunched body to take several steps closer, watching the shockingly natural expression of Arix’s features. Even the hideous creature of twisted mud and iron seemed attuned to his movement. This type of animation magic had to be obtained through one means or another - even if he had to wrestle it from a lifeless corpse. Lye couldn’t help but spread his hidden lips to a sinister grin.
“You have a very special talent,” he continued. “And I would like to give you an offer.”
Lye kept a few lengthy paces from Arix, seeing that this creature would make it a point to stay between him and the boy. If it were to come to blows, this masterwork of animated flesh would have to be returned to the elements. Curiosity mixed with the sensual stimulus of potential bloodshed and Lye began to feel his skin prickle with excitement. Even if the boy were to agree, Lye knew that this golem would provide resistance. There was no avoiding it. Arix had to be dealt with.
“Unfortunately, I need to speak to you in private,” he stated with venom dripping on his words. “Seems I will get to learn more about your talents first hand…”
Dirty rags flew forward toward Arix, and the increasing speed of footsteps sounded as Lye burst toward the elf. Lye's rouse was discarded for distraction, revealing a youthful man of athletic stature. Two gloved hands kissed the pommels of cold titanium and drew them from their sheaths with alarming speed.
“Let us see what your toys can do!” he shouted, the moonlight flashing upon intense emerald eyes.
Just a few feet from Arix, hoping the incoming cloth had caught him off guard, Lye slammed his black leather boots into the gravel road. His weight shifted to the right from momentum and the assassin spun wildly with two-foot katars reaching out for Arix’s neck and chest. Platinum white hair and crimson vlince scarf danced in the wake of his movements while he flowed with his inertia. The violent attacker pushed his weight to one leg rebounding from the initial assault. Lye's body came to a stop six feet from his target, landing near one of the rogue pines standing idly by.
“I hope your father taught you some tricks!” Lye hissed, his blood growing warm with the ecstasy of battle.
Cold eyes remained locked on Arix, trying to maintain a peripheral view on the dirt midget and Sanste. No sooner had he landed, did he make another attack. A flick of his wrist, and one of his titanium katar’s went hissing towards the chest of the short, earthen puppet. His empty hands quickly filled with three blackened steel needles, and his body lurched forward for another assault.
Play time had just begun.
As the hooded figure approached, alarm bells went off in Arix's small mind. While Sanste was never directly attacked, there had been a few attempts on his father's life due to the guardian golems and watcher golems made for the city. On a few trips Arix had accompanied Sanste's father, they had been ambushed by the remains of the city's smuggling group. The firm trained steps of this stranger was eerily similar to the small group of assassins.
The elf began preparing himself by first tossing the dirt ball to Sanste and reaching for his shield.
“If only those specialized guardian golems were here... They were optimized for attacking and defense unlike a multi-purpose companion golem like me,” Arix thought to himself.
“You have a very special talent,” the cloaked figure said as he continued closer. “And I would like to give you an offer.”
The shadowy figure was definitely too close for Arix's comfort now and his movements were clearly not an old person's. If this stranger suddenly attacked, Sanste would not be able to respond in time so it was best to stop this threat before he could move closer.
“Halt...” Arix began a little too late as the stranger darted forward.
“Let us see what your toys can do!” the man shouted as the black cloak blocked Arix's view. Faster than the golem thought possible, two slashes were delivered. While the elf was not completely caught offguard, he only managed to block the slash coming at his chest at the cost of a nearly destroyed oak shield.
The golem's fine neck wasn't as fortunate. The ripping blade tore deep into his unguarded neck before exiting. Even the hard skin could barely slow it. As a multi-purpose golem, the elf could feel pain to learn to be human-like. As some of the earthen interior slipped out, a scream was unleashed from the depths of his core.
The inhuman scream seemed to wake the faint Sanste from the shock of the attack.
“Ar-r-r-e-e y-y-ou o-o-o-k ?” the faint teenager managed to croak out in a whisper as he clutched the dirt ball as if his life depended on it.
At the split second, Arix saw a flash of metal fly towards his smaller cousin from the retreating stranger.
“Move!” Arix shouted to the small humanoid golem across Sanste's mental channel.
The humanoid jerked away but it was too late as the titanium katar sunk into the thick chest with little effort before coming to a rest at the hilt. While the attack wouldn't kill the golem, the foreign material would definitely disrupt the energy flow and make its reactions slower.
Realizing Sanste could not properly handle this surprise attack in his current state, the guardian was forced to take charge even though he knew the odds were slim to none.
“Master Sanste, please let me take control of my cousin golem. Throw the ball and duck.”
A prolonged fight would only work in the favor of the enemy. He could just picked them off with those daggers that were now being drawn. With Sanste's permission, Arix took over his cousin. Seeing Sanste throw the ball, Arix quickly put his iron helmet on and charged in on the left flank with his axe and shield.
The guardian hoped to either chop the enemy in half with the axe or slam his opponent into the ground with the remains of his shield. As for his smaller cousin, it would attack from the other flank. Axe, shield, dirt, or iron claws, the three prong attack would be enough to kill any normal human. Would it work on this trained enemy?
They reacted and moved with no real communication. Lye could only discern the whimper of a startled youth before everyone seemed to jump into action. As he stood at the ready, he raised a curious brow and the ball of mud being tossed from the elf to boy. Its purpose eluded the assassin, but in his years of stealing lives, he had seen many strange sights while in battle. It was the little things that caused the biggest problems. The more important matter was the elf, armed and starting to charge. Lye flicked his three needles toward Sanste, deliberately above his head, and brought his katar to the ready.
“You’ll need to move faster than tha—“
A pop of dust and rock screeched across Lye’s face as the ball of earth detonated against bark of the nearby pine. The sting of lacerations cut across his cheek and forehead with a cloud of dirt and mud to follow. The assasin staggered back, trying to regain his vision, taken back by the unexpected explosion. He was not granted much reprieve when Arix, emerged from the cloud like a phantom. Still struggling through blurred vision, he was still able to detect the shadow’s movement as an attack. His stance rooted both legs to the grassy earth and snapped his katar toward the incoming appendages. He felt resistance upon the blade, but through the ringing in that deafened him, could not determine if it was a parry or injury. Not wanting to stick around for a follow up blow, he rebounded into a back roll and sprung back up into a sprint.
“Not bad kid,” he muttered while blinking away the remaining irritants.
The cold, midnight wind bit at his muddy scratches. He felt the thick blood push along his features signaling the cuts were deeper than mere scratches. Cold, calculated eyes snapped to Arix and dilated with shock. As the elf moved, he could notice the gash across its neck, yet no blood. A wound of that nature would have pumped the last ounces of blood from a gurgling corpse by now. Lye knew his actions were true to the mark, but he had forced himself to accept his usual methods would not work. This engagement would have to be treated with more finesse.
“No blood, irregular vitals if any, and these things seem to be communicating without words… Troublesome indeed.” He thought to himself, making a mental inquiry as to where that second abomination might be.
His attention shot to Sanste, the source of the problem, and was met with an odd little trundle of mud. The creature lashed out at Lye’s legs barely allowing him clearance to vault over the cretin. In a move of acrobatics, the assassin tensed his core and spun an arm about to fetch the titanium katar lodged in the thing’s chest and landed back to his pace. He sped towards the boy as fast as his screaming muscles would allow before bracing to a slide. His angry blades screamed towards the boy's frame with only seconds before he feinted into an elbow strike toward the abdomen.
“Let’s see what you can do without your puppets!”
The inertia behind the blow forced Lye to keep his balance shifted on his back leg. Now, armed with both his blades, he braced for another offensive volley. The assassin's sharp gaze blinked from his current target to those behind him. The wild whipping of his hair seemed slowed by pumping adrenaline, but through the silver strands, he monitored the surroundings. Bringing the fight to the source of the problem would inhibit any wild blows from either creature. Precision is where Lye succeeded, and where these untrained novices would fail. In fact, Lye had a trick up his sleeve that all decent assassins should know to maintain in a fight. His lips grimaced beneath his vlince scarf.
Sanste's thrown golemball exploded into a dirt cloud around the assassin causing him to stagger back. The charging Arix tried his best to take advantage of the opening by swinging his iron axe but completely missing the dodging figure. As the elf got ready to try and pin the figure to the ground, the he felt a weight come off his arm. It seem that the katar had again hit his shield causing it to split into two useless boards.
Trying to find the figure in the dust cloud, Arix finally spotted him rushing at Master Sanste.
“Master Sanste I have failed at protecting you,” Arix regretfully communicated while using his cousin humanoid in a hopeless attempt to hit the fast moving figure. All that happened was that the assassin was able to regain his second katar. Running toward the assassin, Arix was able to see the assassin run up to Sanste with his swords drawn.
“Forgive me,” was all Arix could say as he watched the blood-thristy swords swing at Master Sanste. Due to the angle, he didn't see Sanste recieve the hit but it was obvious that the swords connected when he felt the energy supply cut from Master Sanste.
THIS stranger had murdered his Master in cold blood without any hestiation. The golem's whole meaning and purpose in life had been destroyed in a blink of an eye. These thoughts raged through the golem's head and his vision became red with hate. The only thing in his sight was the stranger. The forest, road, house, and everything else didn't exist to the elf. He didn't care if he died, his whole life's meaning was gone anyways.
The out-of-control Arix began making reckless charge. Putting both hands on the axe, he would be able to put more power and speed into it. The smaller golem followed using Arix's power supply and at a much quicker pace without the katar in it.
The elf swung at the assassin without any regrard for defense. The neck pain completely forgotten by the overwhelming pain of loss. He contratrated on attacks at the stranger's chest while the smaller golem tried it's best at slashing at the stranger's legs to slow him down. If the stranger tried to counter attack, Arix didn't notice. Any physical pain lost its meaning on the berserker who only cared about revenge.
Sanste has been knocked out by Lye. However, Arix thinks Lye killed Sanste since he was unable to see the full attack.
Also, Arix is now operating on his backup power supply now. It means he can last for 15 minutes since he has to power his smaller cousin too.
The satisfying squish of flesh around his elbow stirred a dark passenger within. Lye felt his muscles tense as the bloodlust began to take root. The boy sputtered violently before he fell back on the ground completely limp. If he weren’t familiar with the difference between a knockout and a killing blow, it would seem as though the boy was dead. The sound of Arix’s bloodthirsty howl penetrated his ears and commanded the assassin to devote to him his undivided attention.
Metal against metal rang in the twilight air when twin katars crossed to absorb the fierce blow from his opponent’s axe. The rage and anger carried with it surprising force. Lye’s blades gave way and loosed from his grip into the grass below. His chest lay exposed. Lye’s eyes grew wide upon the dull thud of iron crashing into flesh. The blade parted leather, flesh, but what would normally cleave a man in twine stopped against the rigidity of the assassin’s unique bones. Something snapped at the back of his mind and an eerie grin twisted upon Lye’s face.
“Angry?” His voice grew deep and menacing.
Arix’s axe lifted for another furious blow and swung wide toward the assassin’s neck. The sound of wet pops, cracks, and slurps filled the night air. Crimson dashed upon the viridian grass and all Lye could feel was a blinding pain.
“Let me show you true fury!”
Bone met against iron. The platinum haired killer’s mind became a swirling well of blood. The cool breeze of the night air, the smell of the farm’s manure, the sound of the golem’s howl were replaced by darkness. A lone thud of his heart was the last thing he recalled before the fires of bloodlust consumed his consciousness. Now the battle had begun.
The assassin’s arm took the blunt of his wild blow with a sight not many would believe. From his forearm extended a pale, white blade of ivory just as long as the weapons that had been dashed to the earth. Lye pushed against Arix’s blade and brought an identical bladed appendage thrusting straight for the golem’s chest. His bleeding chest spit a stream of red while the assassin brought his defending arm hissing diagonally to claim the attacker’s axe arm.
“You will understand pain – you will understand my pain!”
His dark magic activated upon his words. The excruciating pain of mangled and mutated bone would now be known by his foes. Anything with a mind to know agony would feel his wounds and know what it was like to feel pulverized down to the skeleton. This pain was familiar to Lye, but the same could not be said to those who know nothing of this torment.
Before the confrontation was about to have a third guest, the three shadow-enchanted needles he threw earlier shot down from above to meet the mud midget mid-blow. Whether or not the projectiles made contact, they would provide just enough of a window to deal with it after his current assault. This battle would be over shortly.
The text in red indicates an ability in my profile. A link to which is under my avatar.
Arix didn't seem to notice the fallen body of his master as he charged in. All that the berserking golem could see was the stranger that had delivered the blow. His first swing met the dual katars in a clash of metal. The blades resisted for a split second before the reckless swing broke through the block and into the stranger's chest. For some reason, the rib cage seemed to absorb the rest of the force without splitting the assassin in half as Arix expected.
But the Elf didn't dwell on it as he yanked the blood covered axe back to take another swing. The grin and threatening voice from the assassin just reinforced his anger as the golem aimed to behead this mad man. However, the executing strike fell short as two ivory bones came out of the man's arms.
Recovering a bit from the unexpected block, Arix started dodging the bony thrust late and it punched a nice round hole on the right side of his iron armor. It didn't hit his body but it definitely opened a gap in his otherwise solid armor. The assassin followed up by a second thrust but the elf had already moved out of the way causing a screeching sound as it just scratched the iron armor.
Just as the golem was about to strike back, the assassin yelled, “You will understand pain – you will understand my pain!” Instantly, the elf's attempted strike was halted by excruciating pain throughout his chest and arms. He almost fell to his knees but managed to recover as he remembered what this monster had done to his master. But nothing could stop the hellish scream that echoed throughout the created world. Yelling and blinded from the extreme pain, the elf made a wild horizontal strike where he thought the man was last standing.
In his pain, Arix released control of his smaller cousin causing it to meet three shadowy projectiles. The small golem shook, took one last step forward then collapsed and decomposed into a pool of mud as its core lifelines were destroyed. Its life had been short and almost useless, seemly echoing its creator's fate.
The boiling of blood lust and aggression was consuming his mind at a steady pace. His original intent to convert the boy to his cause became clouded the more he fought with the elf. Lye's growing malice cried out to bring this to a close. He felt the back of his mind tingle with stimulus at the sound of his weaponized bone penetrating the iron armor. The feeling of vibrations carried through his body as the second blow screamed across the golem's breastplate. Although no damage was done to the flesh, the rush of contact forced his pupils to dilate and heated him further. It was astonishing how much punishment the construct could take. Even the assassin's cursed magic did little to halt its actions.
He witnessed the elf reel with the transferred pain, yet still managed a wild swing. The momentum and level of such a blow would surely spill innards. His excitement took hold of his actions before his thoughts, and Lye dropped to soft green beneath him. The speed of the attack hissed overhead, splitting hairs and casting remnants of his bleeding chest outward. While the threat passed, a coiled leg launched a bladed boot toward the construct's abdomen. Fire consumed Lye's blood and stung at his open wounds only to exhilarate him further. The momentum carried the assassin back to his feet to follow with a relentless spinning axe-heel toward Arix's neck. He would not stop until he felt satisfied. Blood spat from his front while he spun his heel back to the earth and forced his body into a double diagonal blow from both ivory blades.
"Return to silence!" he roared, the passion of insanity flickering in emerald eyes and twisted smile.
The Arix's wild swing completely missed the assassin leaving the elf completely off balance. Still blinded from the pain, Arix couldn't see the assassin but he could feel the rising bloodlust seemly from all around him. The golem tried to recover his stance to defend but was knocked onto his back by a hard blow to his chestplate. The force caused Arix's axe to fly out of his grasp and a great weight to be added to his chest as the old iron plate caved in.
The elf didn't have any further time to think as next kick took off his helmet and his head along with it. His internal earth poured out of the wound showing the true nature of the golem. Arix would have let out another earth shattering scream but without a head, but only more dirt poured out.
“Gods, Goddesses, if you are out there, save Master Sanste. I am a failure who couldn't protect his Master. But the boy is innocent and doesn't deserve his death,” the elf prayed as his head dissolved into a pool of mud inside the iron helmet.
Losing all hope, Arix threw a half-hearted kick but only felt empty air. Immediately afterward, he felt two slashes tear into his breastplate. His pain increased as the iron caved in further and parts of the slashes ripped into his skin. Blind, deaf, beaten, and almost dead, Arix desperately tried one last attempt to save himself by kicking and feeling for his weapon as he felt the bloodlust rise further. But both the gods and the weapon seemed to have forsaken the golem and left his fate to the bloody bone blades of the unseen monster in front of him.
The resistance of a successful blow was better than any drug. The assassin's skin tightened and grew a stippled texture as blow after blow made contact. Metal shrieked and earthy flesh gave way. The clang of a loosed head was a new feel against his heel; never before had he cleaved a man's head with such a blow. It was exhilarating.
The assassin panted heavily from his brutal outburst, the sting of the cool night air clawed at the back of his throat and lungs. Frazzled locks of platinum stuck against the blood and sweat which moistened his face. Through the mess, he glared down upon the writhing figure at his feet with menacing emerald eyes.
"Don't need a head to live, huh?" he managed in a dark tone through the breaths.
Ferocity was present in the smallest of his actions down to his anxiously writhing fingers. His steps neared the flailing construct, crushed into its own armor.
"What happens without any limbs?" his words hissed with enough merit to wound on their own.
The injury on his chest might as well have been a scratch in regards to pain, yet it bled freely onto Arix's iron carapace when Lye's boot landed square on his dented armor. Desperate and voiceless hands gripped at the assassin's leg. His own gloved hand wrapped around the wrist of the elf's pulling it taught and cleaving it off with one fell swoop. He could tell the animated corpse knew what had happened as it increased its struggle suddenly and twisted free from Lye with a push of panicked kicks.
"You didn't like that did you?" he chuckled, eyes twitching to and fro from the exhilaration.
Arix's remains kept trying to push away, grabbing a handful of loose soil and casting it several feet to the left of his assailant. Lye bared his teeth in joy, closing the distance between the two yet again. He cast away the liquifying arm as he bared down on his target. This time, Lye stomped down to where the elf's head once was. Again the hand clawed at his boot in eerie silence. Feet kicked up grass and soil, unable to rock the torso free from the madman's grasp.
"One down," Lye shouted planting his ivory weapon to where a shoulder socket would be, "three to go..."
The arm began to lose function with each twist of the weapon. Soon it could only twitch a finger before it was completely severed from the rest of the remains. At this point, the legs has lost their zeal and the killer grew irritated with this development. He which leg was keeping his prey pinned and grasped wildly for one of the last two appendages.
"Are you losing interest in this so soon?!" Lye roared as he pulled the leg taught with bare hands. The sound of fabric giving way to tension began to mix with the scratching of panic.
Something stirred in the distance - the boy. Coughs and sputters were heard in the distance. Lye continued to pull with increased vigor, shooting a glance behind him toward the noise. Sanste, the young necromancer, had snapped out of his forced slumber and struggled to gain his bearings. It wasn't much longer before he made out what Lye was doing to his beloved protector, and before said killer was able to forcibly detach Arix's leg with a melody of pops and tears.
"A-Arix? ARIX?!" he shouted trying to right himself but paralyzed against the pain ravaging his abdomen.
"Oh?" Lye uttered with interest, casting aside the decomposing leg. By this point, all fight had left the remains of what was once a elven doppelganger. His attention, and menacing steps brought him upon the terrified boy.
"N-no d-don't! GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Lye ignored the boy's feeble attempts to resist him as he planted a knee firmly into his back and took a handful of black youthful hair. He yanked Sanste against the weight of his knee nearly pulling the scalp from the bone.
"Now listen to me boy," Lye spat while frail hands desperately gripped at the captured hairs, "you and your toys need some work. I can show you how to fight, how to grow strong, how to hate..."
The boy uttered some mixed noises that were met with a firm jerk of his scalp.
"Join me as one of my disciples and you will learn strength -you will learn to forget fear and know how to use this pain to drive you," Lye drew close to Sanste's face. "What do you say - are you willing to learn how to kill?"
The assassin was still seething with the ecstasy of combat. At this point, the boy was lucky to be alive, but Lye wanted his skills within the Order. Should the boy refuse, it would be back to the dirt nap he just woke. He wouldn't kill him today, no. He had enough fun for one day...
Bunnying pre approved by Sanste.
Arix's fruitless struggle continued but could do nothing to stop the powerful assassin. The golem manged to grab a leg at one point however it was just ripped off like a twig on a tree. More dirt poured out and Arix's mind began to freeze knowing that he would be destroyed. The fading rage turned into complete fear which allowed the full force of pain to take over Arix's mind. His legs and body started jerking uncontrollable but limited by the assassin holding him down. Eventually, the function protocols realized that Arix's body had reach the limits and thus started shutting down the body. Shutting down, Arix left the world of pain and entered the empty world of thoughts while the core slowly rebuilt his body.
“If only I were stronger,” Arix thought. “Wait, what was that faint voice? Is Master Sanste still alive?!? Gods have mercy if the assassin is still there, I don't want to think what that blood thirsty creature will do.”
Sanste began to regain consciousness. In hind sight, the boy wished he hadn't. His stomach hurt like a steal beam had rammed into it and his eyesight was spinning. Coughing up some blood, Sanste staggered to his feet. A nightmare met his eyes. A bloody monster that barely resembled the stranger stood on top of Arix's corpse. Blood flowed out of the bony monster while mud flowed out of Arix's headless corpse. The demon causally ripped a limp leg off the corpse and turned to face the boy.
"A-Arix? ARIX?!" Sanste shouted as he tried to stay upright against the pain tearing through his abdomen. The sheer terror and fear that Arix was completely dead must have be apparent since the assassin gave a wide grin. The monster seemed to take pleasure in the mental torture caused as he took menacing steps toward the boy and showed off the bloody bone blades.
“N-no d-don't! GET AWAY FROM ME!,” Sanste shouted in total terror as his legs gave way. He tried to crawl away but his strength had fled from the fear.
Lye ignored the boy's feeble attempts to resist him as he planted a knee firmly into his back and took a handful of black youthful hair. He yanked Sanste against the weight of his knee nearly pulling the scalp from the bone.
"Now listen to me boy," Lye spat while frail hands desperately gripped at the captured hairs, "you and your toys need some work. I can show you how to fight, how to grow strong, how to hate..."
The boy uttered some mixed noises that was met with a firm jerk of his scalp.
"Join me as one of my disciples and you will learn strength -you will learn to forget fear and know how to use this pain to drive you," Lye drew close to Sanste's face. "What do you say - are you willing to learn how to kill?"
Thoughts raced through the boy's head: “I don't want to die. He killed Arix. How can I trust him? Is he human? What can I do? I don't trust him. I want to live. Me become a killer? What would my parents say? No, murders end up meeting a bad end. This assassin will probably kill me either way.”
Finally, Sanste whimpered out a faint “no” amidst the sobs of pain.
"Such a shame, I had high hopes for you..." Lye spoke with a grimmace. No more was spoken as he slammed his target into the ground with excessive force. Though not dead, the boy was no longer moving.
Lye
Plot: 20/30
Storytelling: 7/10
There's promise in having Lye get carried away with a 'recruitment' battle; an interesting turn that really lets Lye strut his stuff. But you could go a bit easier on the exposition. Example: "Although, not pure in his intentions, Lye would either twist the boy's mind to his cause, or give him a dark reason to improve his talents only to manipulate him later from the shadows"; by the end of the thread, it is perfectly clear that Lye isn't to be trusted, and we get that impression from your skilled handling of the character. Let the reader discover such things themselves - it makes for more enjoyable, less 'redundant' (and also quicker) reading.
Setting: 6/10
Tailoring the setting to a specific encounter another good touch, and you did a fair job of it. Although it wasn't entirely up to you, it was disappointing to see that this wasn't capitalised on. For example, think of the psychological implications of torching down Sanste's childhood home!
Pacing: 7/10
Unfortunately, the thread dragged its heels a bit. As I've mentioned, be wary of unnecessary exposition, and over-verbosity in general - particularly once in combat. Let the action do the talking! The opening paragraph in particular was quite dry, as you were offloading too much information before the reader has a chance to become invested in the story.
Character: 24/30
Communication: 9/10
Seems you walk a fine line with your in-combat dialogue, but you do manage to avoid having Lye sound as though he's from a cheesy, juvenile anime show (looking at you DBZ). In fact, the dialogue when he's toying with Arix is particularly well done, and really pins down his quietly gleeful malevolence. Go Lye!
Action: 7/10
Again, quite well conveyed. But in your second post, you got a little way ahead of yourself - Lye makes one attack, and before you even know its outcome, to write in another. Also, be aware that as pain resistance isn't listed for Lye, he would be about as debilitated from it as any (normal) person he broadcast it to.
Persona: 8/10
As mentioned, having Lye get carried away does more act as an interesting plot development; it tells us quite a bit about your character. So does choosing a (possibly) disturbing setting for Sanste. Along with his reactions in combat - embracing his pain, dismantling the downed Arix - the assassin's personality takes on real shape here.
Prose: 21/30
Mechanics: 7/10
There were a few typos (examples: "seams", post 3; and you used "spit" for "spat", post 7), which seemed to result more from oversight than anything else. More importantly, some of your writing was a bit clumsy (e.g. "Barely enough to hold the small bed it contained, only a pedestal, iron hanging hooks, and two doors disrupted the cold, damp stone walls", post 1; also, some ambiguity with the pronouns in post 5 makes it a little unclear as to whom you are referring to, and there's also an unnecessary comma in "He was not granted much reprieve when Arix, emerged from the cloud like a phantom."). I also saw you mix tenses in a couple posts, so watch out for that. Mostly little things, but there are a few of them.
Clarity: 8/10
Another good job in this department. I have to say, though - and this is a bit rich coming from me, at least where battles are concerned - that in some parts, it's hard to see the story for the words. You don't need to get down every single detail on the page; the reader's mind can usually fill in the blanks, and giving them too much to hold at once means they might drop something else. If that makes sense. Apart from that, cutting down on the word count does allow the post to flow a quicker.
Technique: 6/10
I'm not too sure what to put in this part, particularly with battles - it's clear you're an emotive writer, when you get the flow going, but other parts of the thread dragged on a bit. These bits typically read more detached, like an objective essay, rather than a story, and lacked that quintessential aspect - voice.
Wildcard: 7/10
A good read, which could mostly be improved by less 'telling', and more 'showing'.
Total: 72/100
Sanste
Plot: 18/30
Storytelling: 7/10
The story development did well in assisting character exploration, and a good story is nothing without its characters. As I have mentioned to Lye, however, you missed an opportunity to use the setting to weave in a second storyline parallel to the first - Sanste's father seems to be an important figure, in general and to Sanste specifically. The familiarity of their surroundings could have been used to bring up some family history, and delve into the character even further.
Setting: 5/10
On top of being infrequently and sparsely described (except at the beginning), Sanste's interactions with the environment generally didn't quite click. In regards to the alleyway where Sanste made the golem, some elaboration is necessary; is it an unpaved alleyway, with the bare earth available? Or paved? The distinction may be important, because when dealing with a city like Radasanth, quite a lot of the soil lying around in alleys is invariably going to be nightsoil, which would leave much more to be said about the smell - and also would have had much more interesting implications for Lye when said golem's head showered him with 'shrapnel'. And as for the setting that apparently reminded Sanste of home - how did it do that? Was there a familiar swing hanging from a oak bough? Was the cottage roof tiled, with that same dodgy patch over the kitchen that always leaked in the rain? Unfortunately, while the setting may have been quite personal to Sanste, none of this is really passed on to the reader.
Pacing: 6/10
In combat and out, your pacing is quite good, and matches the activity going on in the thread. What hampered you much, much more than anything else was your tendency to repeat things that had happened in the previous thread. There is absolutely no need for this - the reader knows what happened (they've just read it), and all it does is slow things down. Once you remedy this, the flow of your writing will improve greatly.
Character: 20/30
Communication: 6/10
Your dialogue was a little clunky, but otherwise quite full of personality and telling of the character. There is Sanste's good-natured obliviousness and Arix's brotherly concern, and later, frenzied terror and panicked despair as Lye plies his craft. Still, some further modulation of the dialogue would have helped convey the latter a bit better; having Arix think in fully-formed, articulate sentences while his bloodlust is being dismantled along with his body doesn't really fit with how he must have been feeling at the time.
Action: 7/10
You wrote your characters' actions convincingly, and, on the whole, quite well. It was great to see that you weren't afraid to have Sanste lose the fight, so long as you wrote him with credibility - and you did, at that. Once you start to clear up some of the mechanical issues that are inhibiting your ability to convey your characters, I can see you really excelling in this area.
Persona: 7/10
That which is mostly holding you back here are issues with how well you write; please check the 'prose' section for examples. It's clear you have a couple of rather well-developed characters, with their own distinct persona, but sometimes it doesn't come through as clearly as it could. This is particularly evident in the first post, when Sanste is struck by the similarity of the place to his childhood home. Does he feel sad? Comforted? Wary and uncertain?
Prose: 18/30
Mechanics: 6/10
Be aware of spelling errors ("contratrated", "grimmace") and your word usage (post 2: 'was' should be used instead of 'were' in the following: "this amazing speech met deaf ears and were rudely replied with a loud snoring"; post 8: 'seemly' used instead of 'seemingly', and 'grin' instead of 'grim'; post 12: 'steal' used to refer to the metal, rather than 'steel' - and so on). Comma placement is also important. You should usually denote conjunctions (and sometimes parantheses) with a comma: "This verbal argument might have continued, however, at that moment, a raven landed on the open window with a small letter in its beak", and also to separate items in a 'list', such as a list of adjectives - "The small, beat-up window" (both examples are from post 1). These things will help make the meaning of your sentences clearer, as well as improve flow and readability. And again, reiterating what the previous post has already told us is a big no-no.
Clarity: 6/10
Apart from a) some clumsy writing, and b) the back-and-forth that arose from repeating the previous post, your writing was clear and easy enough to understand what was going on, but also - importantly - why.
Technique: 6/10
As Lye is asking Sanste if he's interested in joining him, this thread would have been a grand opportunity for Sanste to ask himself what his aims are. There was an opportunity to add a couple more layers to this story - of Sanste's past, and his future - which you didn't seem to realise. Which is a shame, because I would have really liked to know more about the him and Arix, and even his parents.
Otherwise, you have a grip on metaphor and simile which gives your writing some colour, without overdoing it. Keep it up!
Wildcard: 7/10
You've got a good handle on your characters, and I think we can expect some fine stuff from you as you continue to develop your writing.
Total: 63/100
Lye wins, and receives 1200 experience and 130 gold.
Sanste receives 300 experience and 115 gold.
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