League A (Interdivision): BlueGhostofSeaside v. Amber Eyes

[Max Dirks]

Battle at your leisure folks. This thread must be completed by January 9th, 2014 at 12:00 AM EST. If you finish early, please submit it for judging per usual.

[Amber Eyes]

There are a million places I’d rather be. I can see myself sitting with my legs hanging from a dock somewhere, my eyes focused on the waves and salty wind blowing through my hair. Or perhaps a dress shop, spending gold on this or that; the soft material of a new dress that fits just right. Or better yet, a party, cakes and beverages as far as the eye can see.

I force myself to stop salivating over such musings. I am here and I may as well enjoy myself. I watch as dozens pool into the citadel. I’ve never seen it so alive with activity. I adjust Sophia’s Mane on my left arm as I make my way up the pristine steps. The enormous structure casts its shadow upon me and I am instantly ready for the upcoming challenge. I make my way quickly to the monk at the door and after going over some small details I am pointed down a hallway with a room number running through my head. I stare straight ahead, ignoring all the little details that typically catch my eye. The ornate doors and burning torches that light my way all escape me.

I watch the door numbers as I walk and soon I wonder if I’ll ever reach my room. I let my hair down and quickly brush through it with my fingers before pulling it tightly back at least twice during the walk.

I turn a corner and quickly realize I am in a part of the citadel I’ve never visited before. The hallway seems to shrink, and soon I am forced to scrunch myself to continue walking. I make myself smaller and smaller until I am crawling on the floor. I almost turn back, sure that I’ve missed my door when I see it before me. I reach my hand out to the impossibly small door, sure that I’ll crush the tiny knob with two fingers. It holds steady, and the door opens. I can see only green grass from where I stand and I begin the crawl inside. I have to suck in a bit and I will probably have a few bruises from squishing through, but I finally clear the door. I make a mental note to eat a few less twice baked potatoes and begin to look around me. The lush green grass carries on for quite some distance, and everything surrounding me is miniature. I stand, my head quickly becoming damp from the clouds encircling it. I look down at the tops of trees the size of my fingers and a stream just big enough to step a foot in.

I follow the flowing water, excited to experience life as a giant. Sometimes you don’t even know you want something until it happens to you. In this moment I am certain I’ve always wanted to be a giant.

I notice the tree line rising as I travel, soon they are to my shoulders, and then level with my eyes. I take a moment and turn around. Where I’ve come from everything is tiny, where I am headed everything seems to be enormous. I follow the river with my eyes all the way to the other side of the arena where I find the largest door I’ve ever seen. It stands at least five times my own height. Just the blades of grass would reach easily to my shoulders. I take it all in with a giggle.

“This is a funny sort of place isn’t it?”

[Ashla]

Ashla had to admit, she was nervous... But she was ready to kick butt as well! She tried to control her shaking as she followed a monk's orders to go through a door. She went in and heard the door slam behind her. She had tightened up her body and had closed her eyes as a large echo boomed around. She opened her eyes then gasped; at first she had thought that it would have been a room, but she was wrong! She was in the largest hallway she had ever seen! The floor and walls were made of stone, and the roof was a strong wood. Ashla started to shake more as she forced herself to go on in. Fireleaf was still there and as always was staying close to his mistress. Ashla quickly bent over to pick him up, which the feline didn't mind at all. At first, she had been walking down the long hallway, now she was running! She kept going on, just hoping that what was at the end was better than this darkened hall. Ashla could swear this place had been made for giants with growing potions, she felt like a baby mouse the height and length of this hall were insane! She finally reached a door, it was so big though, and the doorknob was way to high for her to reach. Ashla just looked down to see that at the very bottom, a crack in the door had a beam of light shining into the dark hallway. To anyone normal sized, a small mouse could barely get in... That fit Ashla's current stature quite well. She put down Fireleaf, sighed and attempted to squeeze through. As skinny as she actually was, it was surprisingly easy to get through. Once she turned around and looked at the outside world, she wished she could just go back all together!

She could just stare in awe at the large area... Literally. The trees, the plants, the rocks- everything; were shockingly huge! Ashla scoffed, "So, this is how we play, huh?" She half asked herself then the monks who had organized this, "We're battling each other bug-sized?" She forced herself to push on, but with how high the bright, green grasses were, she had to take her large knife out and slice her way through. Ashla chuckled as Fireleaf bounded through what was left of the lush grass and tried his best to stay close to her, looking around anxiously as if something would come out and get him. "So it seems like you're the poor little mouse just waiting to be pounced on; huh, Fireleaf?" She teased, even though the cat couldn't understand her... But somehow it seemed as if he actually could. Ashla took some time to look around her, the sky was the brightest blue and a small breeze blew across the and the taller plants would slightly bent to the breeze like a baby tree. Ashla was so thankful that she couldn't hear any birds singing though! She carried on.

Eventually, she noticed that the world around her was beginning to shrink; everything was slowly, but surely, drowning down to being more of her size. She couldn't help but feel disappointed, a battle searching through grasses to kill her opponent actually sounded like fun! She sighed and looked around again, she put away her long-knife. The area was exactly her size now. Fireleaf started Halloween dancing in reply to all of this. Ashla placed her hands on her hips and wondered where her opponent was anyhow. She lifted her left hand to her face and wiped her long hair behind her ear. She continued walking along and made the foolish decision of calling out, "Hello? Is anybody here?"

[Amber Eyes]

A soft wind blows as I turn, making my way back towards my own entry point. I listen closely to the sound of the rustling leaves, taking a deep breath and enjoying the scent of rose blooms nearby. I look up, the bright sun is hidden behind a cloud that if I squint just right resembles Max Dirks. I scrunch my nose at the thought, Just what he needs, an act of nature to boost his ego. I begin to search for other images, knowing all to well that the monks love to play games with the chambers. Suddenly a young girl's voice fills my ears, and I turn on the spot, my smile disappearing and cold shadows forming a blade in my right hand.

I tense my left, and three blades pop out from Sophia's Mane. I'm not sure where the voice came from but I have no intention of being caught off guard. I'm mid-way through the arena, the things surrounding me are almost the right proportions. I debate for an instant before heading towards the giant trees, eager to find myself a vantage point. I step into the stream, the water reaching just above my knees and begin to move slowly across, doing my best to be quiet.

I am just about to reach the other side when I see movement in the corner of my eye. In the distance I can see an orange animal, perhaps a cat? Yes, definatley a cat, doing some sort of dance. I blink several times, beginning to wonder if the water from the stream is effecting my vision. I make my way out of the water, the drips leaving my green shorts and entering the water with much more noise than I ever thought possible.

I move closer in small steps with my eyes focused on the creature. I am just outside of striking distance when I first see her. Her dark hair stands out against the bright landscape. She is smaller than me, but I've learned to never underestimate those I meet in the Citadel. Talen looks like a kid and he can still meet me blow for blow. She is pale, possibly an elf, though her height tells me different. I am hesitant to attack straight away, but I want to know just what she is capable of. I focus on a tree limb above her head, forcing it back and forth until it snaps. The limb begins to fall, the girl in its path. If she has any skill at all she'll avoid it, hopefully giving me some clue about her strength. If she gets hit, she had no business here in the first place and I've just done her a favor.

[Ashla]

Ashla heard a crack and saw a shadow. She casually looked up then almost freaked out; a large branch had broken off from the tree currently above her and she was right beneath it! Ashla didn't even bother to put her blade away, she just chucked it away from her as she jumped forwards, avoiding the tree limb. Ashla did a tumble-role in her landing and was now on her knees. She had thrown her knife in the direction she had leaped in and the blade was laying right beside her. Ashla heard Fireleaf meow in complaints behind her as she took up the blade again. She also drew her long-sword and glanced around in cautious observance. She could tell, she could just tell that they were not alone. She slowly stood up, her large-knife being held close to her chest in offense while she pointed her sword in front of her. She slowly turned around in a circle, just waiting for an enemy to jump out at her. But nobody came.

The breeze had stopped and left no sounds but the cracking of a branch which the hybrid had stepped on. her eyes flashed down to her own feet, then up again. She would not let herself be knocked out in any surprise attacks. She was just hoping that she would be given a fair fight this time. Everybody underestimated her and looked down on her, Ashla was dying to prove every single one of them wrong! Despite her common mistakes and her wander-less life which had been so far leading to nowhere, she did have a purpose in life! She didn't know what it was yet, but her confident self felt like she was indeed heading somewhere soon.

Ashla sighed and blindly swung her blade up then down again, "What is this, a game of hide and seek?! Show yourself!" The girl had obviously lost her patience. She kept her blade close to her as well, she listened to every single noise behind her, afraid that she was having a too weak defense. She was trying her best to stay still and not go crazy racing in one direction to find her foe, the enemy was testing her patience... And her patience was only the length of the smallest thread.

[Amber Eyes]

She's quick. My mind raced with possible movements. I could lay low, stay to the tree line and fire a few bombs in the girl's direction. This thought seemed perfect until I noticed just how young she looked. I could see myself a few years ago in her determination. Her eyes weren't hardened from battle yet, her hands while steady were stiff around her weapon. I'd seen that stance just yesterday, practicing with Akiv. At that thought I sighed, I couldn't just toy with the girl.

I stood. "Over here." My voice echoed through the tree limbs as I made my way towards her position. I was unarmed, though that could change quickly should the need arise. As I cleared the brush I spoke once more, lifting my hands in the air as a gesture of goodwill and hoping the girl didn't take advantage. "I just wanted to make sure you were worth my time."

I leaned down, brushing the debris from the forest from my pants. I gave the girl another once over, considering my options. At once and idea sprung to mind. I pooled shadows into my right hand, digging through my satchel with the right. The cold nothingness filled my palm and formed into a small solid blade just about the length of my middle finger. With an "aha" I pulled a ripe apple from my bag before tossing the sack to the ground. I cut the apple into thirds, the sound of the knife slicing its meat the only sound in the area. I tossed one third towards the cat and another towards the strange girl before plopping to my butt and taking a bite of the third. "So, now that I know you can move. What on earth is a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this?"

It was a question I had been asked time and time again. For the first time I understood why they asked it. There is a fine line between challenging someone and cruelty. I have no interest in crossing that line.

[Ashla]

Ashla watched. Giving her opponent a snack was either dumb, or was carefully thought out. Ashla looked at the piece of apple in front of her, apples were her favorite! She wanted to pick it up and eat it so badly, but her cautiousness was getting the better of her. Poison maybe? She simply decided to ignore the apple and stood where she was. Her blade was still in her hand, clasped in case the woman suddenly made a move. As Fireleaf ran eagerly after his own piece through the tall grasses though; the only thing the woman asked was, "What on earth is a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this?"

'Pretty, little thing'? Really I look nice? Really? ... And who said I was little?? Ashla didn't know how to take the question. She indeed had an answer to that question; but it was a complicated mess of an answer. In reality, she'd joined the league to prove herself - and maybe find out if she had a purpose in life while she was at it. It was her worst fear that she was insignificant and that she was worth nothing but dirt. That was her deepest, darkest fear; she was afraid that she was a nothing that was meant to just be left to die anyhow. She'd always fought that fear, she'd always stay on the path of denial when it came to that option. She'd always attempt to prove herself somebody worthy of recognition. She wanted to feel like she was worth looking up to instead of being looked down upon... like it always has been. Since the day her uncle had been slain, she had been lost. She was always cheerful, always looking forward to another adventure here and there; but that was just her outer demeanor and her overall personality. She was a giddy person, a goodhearted young woman hoping that her good actions could help somebody else stray from the path she'd followed. The path of loneliness and deep fear despite herself; whenever she would think about it it hurt like heck. She'd joined the league to see if she could break through that. But would she tell it to a complete stranger, an opponent at that? No...

She simply gave the young woman a deep glare of distrust and in the state of her old internal struggle's uprising, asked in a rather defensive and (while she did not intend it) slightly insecure tone, "Why'd you want to know?" Her walls were coming up again, those smothering walls which pushed her to try and remain strong. Her grip on her blade was tightening more than it already was, watching the woman's every single action. She suddenly found herself not ready to fight yet, but she would if it came to that.

[Amber Eyes]

I watched carefully as the girl lowered her guard, relaxing ever so slightly. It was only a moment before she remembered herself and her tough demeanor returned. Of course it wouldn't be that simple. I gave a smile which most certainly looked forced as I brought myself to my feet. I patted my still-damp pant legs, wiping the dust from my butt and laying my bag behind me.

"Look, its clear you don't trust me, and that alone proves you aren't stupid. Never trust anyone kid. I'm not too fond of the way they set these leagues up, I have no interest in killing a bunch of kids and that seems to be just about all I'm up against here lately. I don't expect you to believe me, but I think there may be better ways to decide which of us gets our points for the tournament than killing each other off. You seem to be rather quick on your feet, how about a race? The first one to reach the large door through that forest of grass gets the win?" I pointed in the direction I meant, eyeing the rough terrain ahead and remembering how quickly the girl had dodged the falling branch. Yes, perhaps this would be a fair fight after all.

[Ashla]

Ashla felt honored hearing somebody finally say that she wasn't stupid, however, she also felt a little annoyed at the reason why. She was presently in a shaky mood, it would have been best for her to hold herself, but she had to snap back, "You think I know nothing about not trusting, people, huh? And don't underestimate people just because of their age. I've been through heck and I've faced so much a-" she bit her lip then sighed, this wasn't the best idea, to lash out at her foe like that. "... I'm just saying, I'm stronger than you think. And about that race, uuuhhhhhhh..."

As the wind racing through the peaceful, green world around them rustled the hair on the two ladies heads, Ashla considered. A race sounds better than combat, but how fast is she? As much as I feel ticked off about her underestimating me, she obviously has better experience than me. No matter what, Ashla scowled, I may end up loosing this no matter what direction we take it. I have no idea who she is and what she's capable of. Better off being out of breath than being out of breath, bloody, and having several broke bones though. Ashla looked up at the woman and crossed her arms across her chest. In her slight lack of her usual confidence and being reminded of her darker self, she was squeezing one of her arms with her hand. Calm down, looking this pathetic will only make things seem worse! Ashla forced a smirk on her face, "Finding a more peaceful solution to this suits me. I only kill when I have to and though I do have my reasons for joining this league, the idea of being smashed to bits by a higher level fighter than me seems pretty bleak. I too hoped to be paired up with people at my equal level. So far I only defeated one foe in combat, the other one was a complete monster who barely let me keep my life." Ashla winced at the thought of the blood-thirsty man she had met on the way to the citadel to fight in this league. She was thankful that her opponent this time was at least being a little nice to her. "Let's go jogging shall we. -O-Oh! And no starting without both of us being ready to go and no short cuts!"

Ashla added in one final thing she quickly remembered, "Oh, and sorry for being so talkative." A weak smile appeared on her face, "I don't know how it happens but I can't seem to shut my own trap!" The the smile returned to a smirk of confidence. They - well, she - had talked too much. Now it was time to finish the fight they had been assigned to, whether either of them liked each other as enemies or not.

[Amber Eyes]

"I assure you I have no intention of cheating." Kyla gave a genuine smile. The girl had spunk, much like Kyla herself a lifetime ago. It seemed she had lived a century in the last few years, and these leagues had her desperate to return to the innocence of those younger years. There was plenty of bloodshed in these fighters futures, sparing their blades just this once seemed right. "I like you quite a bit girl, my name is Kyla Orlouge. If you ever need anything and are in the area of Corone, feel free to stop by Ixian Castle. I will happily come to your aid."

The mystic gave a final look at the young girl and her companion before scooping down and grasping the discarded apple from the ground. "I hate to waste a perfectly good apple." As she gave her reasoning Kyla chomped down upon the fruit, proving its safety and savoring the flavor. "Now, on my count."

"One."

The mystic tossed the remainder of the apple into the forest, sending an annoyed family of blackjays flying into the distance.

"Two."

She readied her satchel around her shoulder, taking care that it sat against her hip so that bouncing would be minimized.

"Three."

She moved quickly, the green grass and trees becoming a blur as she focused her eyes on the doorway before her. Everything around her grew, the blades that were at her feet now reached her ankles, then knees, then waist. She lost track of her opponent as the forest of grass swallowed her, each exasperated breath leading her deeper into the jungle.

She wouldn't stop, even if the girl hoped not to harm the younger opponent, she wanted to win. The Leagues were an excellent opportunity to gain new, strong recruits for the knights, and only winning would bring the much needed attention to the group. It didn't matter how the points ended up on the board, but once they were there people would take note.

The grass began to thin out, allowing her to move faster. The door came into view once more and all that was in Kyla's mind was victory. Her footsteps were even, landing in tune with the shallow breathes her lungs took. It was a further distance than she'd realized, perhaps a full out sprint had been a bad idea. Still, she pushed herself forward, one foot after the other, her legs beginning to protest. She cleared the grass, reaching a clearing just paces from the goal. Her foot hit something hard and before the girl could react she was flat against the ground, her arms screaming with pain. She pushed herself up just enough to see a large rock that had tripped her, the adrenaline forcing her to keep moving.

Her eyes quickly jumped back toward the door, was it over?

[Ashla]

Ashla's first reaction to seeing Kyla throw the apple away was Hey! That was my apple!!! However, when she started counting Ashla immediately bent down into position. When Kyla said "two", Ashla closed her eyes and preserved her energy, she had to win this! She was surprised that out of anybody, an opponent of her's in the league found a friend in her. Ashla was bad at finding good company, many of the people she would have considered friends had turned out to be traitors or enemies instead, even Iris had betrayed her down the road... The only friends she had truly found were her best friend Julius Tabor, and her companion Black Shadow. Aside that there was nobody. Seeing that a strong person who happened to be a member of the famous Ixian Knights Ashla had heard about just gave her such a kind compliment and offered her assistance if she needed; Ashla was too grateful... However, she still wanted to win...

"Three."

BAM! They were off! At first, Ashla kept a close pace with Kyla; but later, when they reached shorter grasses, she took off like a rocket! Ashla's head dropped while she was still running, Of course... She's a member of the Ixian Knights, of course she's faster than me! I'm gonna flunk! The last battle she had faced Ashla had lost at. Now it was two fights and one win for her; the two men who had won were shadows of evil over Ashla's pride. One of them, a dark assassin, had given her an unfair fight while the other prideful jerk had won by a thread of luck in her eyes. Ashla lifted her with her eye's blazing ice blue, I will not lose to this! No! Never! This is probably my last chance to prove to them that... Ashla's determination allowed the release of adrenaline and she went even faster than her usual. She had adopted the traits of agility from her mother, which meant her speed was good as well. However, this Kyla girl still seemed out of her reach. However, Ashla turned a corner with her feet running out of control to see her opponent pick herself up from tripping over a rock. Ha! Has! Sucker!! Ashla immediately regretted thinking that. She growled, trying not to let the site of her standing up frighten her and she pushed herself on. She had been too busy focusing on running to realize how tired she was up until now. Her throat felt like it was on fire, her legs felt like jelly, and she had sweat beating down her forehead. I can't loose! Not now, not ever! Ashla kept pushing herself to the door only seconds ahead of her, she heard he footsteps of her opponent a heartbeat close her. Ashla's eyes contained their icy glow once again as she growled in her own intensity.


...

... And the winner was... ... ...

Kyla got there several seconds before Ashla. It was close, but she still lost...

No! Ashla hit the wall with her fist as she slowed herself down coming up to it. I freaking lost again! Ashla clenched her eyes shut and numbed the portion of the wall her other hand landed on. I'm so weak! Pathetic! Why?! Ashla growled and her thoughts escaped her, "I'm weak I tell you... Weak..." Her eyes were cluttered with water over her loss, aside that elf guy she met on the beach ... She was the worst fighter here.

[Lye]

For battles:

Thread Title: League A (Interdivision): BlueGhostofSeaside v. Amber Eyes (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?26285)
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: BlueGhostofSeaside vs Amber Eyes



Plot: 17 --- 17

Story- 6/10---5/10
The story took a play on an old classic of Alice in Wonderland. Originally, the first person view drew a level on interest onto Kyla as the main character and put Ashla unknowingly into a supportive role. When the story perspective switched, it lost that element and detracted slightly from the life of the story. Overall, both players created a brief summary for being there. BGoS elaborated a little further in recapping prior events and their effect on this battle. She also used the battle to drive home that Alsha was suffering from an internal conflict. This gave her side of the story slightly more depth than Kyla's.

Setting- 6/10---7/10
Both players had a decent amount of interaction with the environment. BGoS wrote of Fireleaf playing in the grass, and Amber used tree branches to test her opponent. It also impacted Amber when a rock tripped her near finish of the race. Overall, Amber painted a better picture by putting the objects in relevance to Kyla or described them through Kyla's actions. This ability to breath life into the setting through the character lets the reader become more involved with the character, and therefore makes it more believable.

Pacing- 5/10---5/10
Both players had a tempo that matched with the event occurring within the battle. The tension built in the first two thirds of the thread were played out well. Amber had a smoother flow to her writing. This is partly attributed to BGoS's unique style of writing which reflects a more peppy tone. Ultimately, if it weren't for the perspective switch, Amber may have had the upper hand.



Character: 17 --- 19

Communication- 6/10---6/10
Both characters seemed to fit their roles both with themselves and one another. The conversation was believable and no one party dominated the other. The speech was very casual and the contrast of Kyla's generosity versus Ashla's hesitation flowed well into the conclusion. Ashla came off as someone very carefree, yet the written back story explained her distrust towards a stranger's kind gesture.

Action-5/10---7/10
Kyla truly shone in her actions. Her personality was crafted by them, and her use of strategy to identify her opponent's ability was admirable. Not only did she do this and realize Alsha was a lesser threat, she also suggested the terms to which the battle would be won in a non violent way. Ashla took a reactionary role to Kyla's lead. Though her actions were just as descriptive, they lacked the ability to drive the story as strongly as Kyla's.

Persona- 6/10---6/10
Kyla's personality had a certain regal depth to it. Ashla also personified her optimistic, yet determined qualities quite well. The inner monologue and depth were both quite matched.



Prose: 17 --- 16.5

Mechanics- 5/10---4.5/10
Both players had run on sentences. Both players also exhibited issues in repeat words in too close a proximity to one another. Amber Eyes switched her first person perspective to a third person perspective mid thread. This was a major detraction as it jumps the reader out of the flow of prior posts. BGoS used excessive passive voice. One such example was rather difficult to follow: "She had thrown her knife in the direction she had leaped in and the blade was laying right beside her." It was a simple sentence with two independent clauses and no comma, but could have been written: "She threw her knife in the direction she leaped, and the blade now lied right beside her."

Clarity- 5/10---5/10
Amber would have succeeded in this area should the perspective have remained in first or third person. BGoS reflects a unique style that sometimes contrasts itself in terms of content. Character thoughts and actions occasionally cause a conflict. How she would have trusted a stranger so quick - what was her reason? Some of Ashla's actions beg the reason why. While this does add to a carefree personality, it can be handled with more distinction to allow the reader to know why that character is doing something.

Technique- 6/10---6/10
BGoS has a very unusual technique that is less formal but appeals to the reader's younger interest. The writing has energy that isn't found in formal publishing. Although it is unique, traditional techniques were not present such as similes, metaphors, and personification. This detracted from the potential of the style. Amber on the other hand had a very unique approach with the first person view. The third person view was also well written, but could have used some additional energy that the first person possessed.



Wildcard: 7 --- 7

The feel for this battle was refreshing and pleasant. I cannot stress how much I would have liked to see Amber continue the first person view, especially for the weaker opponent and the scenes that unfolded. This interaction was very natural and I could see Kyla and Ashla having a strong dynamic should they continue their interactions. I would personally like to see Kyla take Ashla under her wing especially since Ashla is so heartbroken over the failure to perform in combat. I enjoyed the thread, especially without the action of combat. Both players did very well.



Final Score: 57---58.5

Amber Eyes (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?14169) Wins!:


2,856 EXP!
60 GP!

Congratulations!


BlueGhostofSeaside (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16205) Receives:


857 EXP!
30 GP!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!