Evacuation Gone Wrong Workshop

[General Roy]

Both Turtle and I want to know what you think of this thread (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?26471-A-Evacuation-gone-wrong&p=220180#post220180) as we write it. We are new characters that want to develop in this story. We will take anything you throw at us so please tell us what you think.

[Fox Owen Xavier]

Hard for me to really say very much since there are only two posts right now. From what I see so far, it sounds like it might be an interesting story but I believe more detail would help draw the reader in. For example, what was the bunker like? What kind of place did they land at? What do the characters think?

[Aurelianus Drak'shal]

I agree with Fox.

To engage the reader, you're better trying to draw on the five senses to help paint a more vivid description of the surroundings.

And, as the main characters, adding what you think and feel is pretty much essential, to give yourself some sort of connection to the events unfolding. So far as it stands, 100,000 people (surely an excessive number for a single bunker, no?) have appeared in the middle of nowhere, and that's all the reader has to go on.

I can imagine the sheer volume of people panicking, gasping in wonder at what just happened, the difference in temperature between an underground bunker and whatever land they've ended up in, the cries of birds overhead, the smell of so many bodies crammed together in one massive crowd...

The details make all the difference.

But, as Fox says, it's an interesting concept, and I look forward to seeing where you go from here.