Wanted: A super mega awesome staff of destruction

[Clueless]

Feel free to play around with clueless. I don't really mind if I end up with junk or whatever, just want to play it out and maybe spend his money before he gives it away to some random person who tricked him (Well, maybe the shop keeper will be the one). Also, as his name implies, he's not that bright as shown by walking into the wrong shop and giving the speech the way he did...

“These farming tools seem great for growing stuff but for some reason evil wizards seem to use staffs. Maybe because they are old people? Well, I guess then I need to find something to look older and a super awesome staff so people will know I'm an evil wizard,” Clueless thought to himself as he walked into a random blacksmith's shop. “My family always brought their tools from a blacksmith so I'm sure he sells powerful tools like wizard's staffs too.”

“Hello good sir, I'm trying to become the most powerful evil wizard in the world. Can I buy a super awesome staff with all the latest popular evil wizard enchantments? I believe I saw one guy make all the townpeople come back to life and bones come up out of the ground. It was so amazing! I'm sure there are other great enchantments too, right? Oh, I always need a potion to give me all the wisdom and magical power to become an evil wizard. People tell me I'm not that smart so I probably need strongest you got.”

[Aurelianus Drak'shal]

Frenedan Noyce looked up from his anvil, wiping a bead of sweat from his brow with one filthy, soot-stained forearm. He looked over the lad that had just sauntered in, still not entirely sure if he was being made the butt of some joke he didn't quite understand.

The smith laid his hammer aside, picking up the cherry-red horseshoe from the anvil with a large set of tongs before dousing it in the barrel of water at his side. Over the hiss of steam, the thick-set dwarf looked around, trying to spot any of the boy's friends lurking around, anything to say this was a prank - wiping his thick fingers over his drooping mustache, the blacksmith almost hoped it was for two reasons; one, if it was a prank, he would tan the arses of everyone involved. And two, he really prayed to the Thayne that there were no folks wandering around as stupid as this one seemed to be.

Inspiration struck as the boy finished his little speech, and a wicked gleam shone in the red-bearded dwarf's eye.

"A potion you say? Well, fancy that - just so happens I have something similar to what you're looking for!"

He made a show of looking around to make sure they weren't being eavesdropped on, leaning in and beckoning the lad closer with a crooked finger. Noyce smelled of soot, and heat and sweat from working the forge all day.

"You wait right here, and for four gold coins, I'll give you my special learning elixir. I won't be a moment," he grinned, waddling off out the back of his meager smithy. Sitting out there, in its own little fenced off pen, was Walter. The smith's faithful pack mule. The dwarf opened the gate, grabbing an empty milk bottle from the back doorstep as he went, slipping in next to the hairy old beast. Patting the beast's muscled flanks, the Frnedan muttered in its ear with a grin, "you and I are going to make a nice bit of money today Walter."

A few minutes later he sauntered back into the smithy, his customer still standing there.

"This," he declared, holding up a glass bottle full to the brim with a frothy, yellowish fluid, "is my extremely powerful learning elixir! One mouthful will make you smarter almost instantly," he added with a satisfied smile. He held out both hands; one for Clueless' coins, the other with the still-warm bottle.

The boy eagerly handed the gold to the dwarf and snatched the bottle, eagerly taking a deep drink from it... before his face turned and he spat it back out, gagging and retching.

"That tastes like piss!" he cried, dismayed.

"Aye, lad, you're learning."

Frenedan barked through his explosion of laughter. He laughed long and hard at the look on the boy's face before finally, he wiped a tear from his eye and reasserted his gruff demeanour. He lifted his heavy forge hammer from the anvil again, ready to get back to work, before he spoke again, his voice a throaty rumble.

"Now, you've wasted enough of my time, so off with you. If you want to mess around with that magic nonsense, try the market five streets over. They do all sorts of queer merchandise there."

With that, and a lingering chuckle at the aftertaste he knew must still be stuck in the boy's mouth, Frenedan Noyce went back to work.

[Clueless]

For some reason the dwarf seemed to be looking at him rather funny but Clueless had learned to accept such looks as normal. Thankfully, it seems he had come to the right place. The dwarf leaned over and explained in a whisper he had the perfect thing for Mark. Overjoyed, the farmer stupidly agreed without a second thought. As the smith went in back to prepare the awesome potion, Clueless wondered what it would be like to be smart like everyone else.

Well, Mark didn't have to wait very long before the smith came back with a bottle full of some yellow liquid that strangely seemed familiar. “It smells funny, but that must because it's magical,” thought Clueless as he handed over the gold coins to complete the trade. Taking the bottle, he eagerly took a deep drink.... “Wait, this is piss!!!” Clueless realized a bit too late as he choked and spat out the 'potion'. Gagging and retching, Clueless had become slightly smarter just not quite as he had imagined.

“Damn that blacksmith! That's the last time I'm going to trust a dwarf and drink yellow liquids,” Mark swore to himself as he tried in vain to wipe the awful taste out of his mouth.



Despite his words, Clueless found himself wandering around the market trying to find the place five streets over. Not used to large cities, he took a few wrong turns before finally arriving to his destination.

“Wow, this must be the place. It's all colorful and I think that's the symbol for magic. Not quite sure why there is a bunch of naked women on the sign but that's probably my mind playing tricks and it's some fancy magic spell,” the farmer reasoned as he approached the large wooden building. It was getting a bit late at night and slightly chilly so he swiftly entered the building in an attempt to quickly finish up his shopping.

Entering the building, Clueless found an female elf behind the counter. He wasn't sure if she was in charge or not since there were a few other people nearby. “Well, I won't get anywhere if I don't speak up. If I got the wrong person, I'm sure she will be nice enough to direct me to the right place. After all, she seems nice and beautiful unlike that grumpy lying dwarf.”

For the second time that day, Clueless spoke his request. “Hello Madam. I'm on a journey to become a powerful evil wizard. I heard this is the place where I could buy some powerful magic? Can I buy a super awesome staff with all the latest popular evil wizard enchantments? I believe I saw one guy make all the townpeople come back to life and bones come up out of the ground. It was so amazing!

And before I forget, I need a potion to give me all the wisdom and magical power to become an evil wizard. People tell me I'm not that smart so I probably need strongest you got. And I want a real one. There was a grumpy dwarf who played a mean trick on me earlier.

Oh, and you are very beautiful, madam. I'm sure you must have a great husband and children.”

Note: Clueless can't really read and doesn't have much experience aside from growing stuff. And now, he seems to have found himself in a place I'm sure you can have fun with, Aure. Again, you are free to bunny Clueless if you want to.

[Lye]

The voluptuous elf released a melodic giggle. She leaned upon her small pedestal to examine the quaint, little man. This only served to push her barely concealed cleavage further beyond the limits of her clothing. He seemed to her no different than the usual street rabble, but his story perked her interest.

"Why aren't you an adorable little thing?" She swooned and rounded the edge of the pedestal toward him. "I don't have a husband or children. I like to keep myself available should any manly, evil wizards come about."

Her hips swayed with each step and forced the thin sheer that covered her more private areas to swish side to side. The swirling locks of blond bounced as she strode, and iridescent blue irises remained locked on her inquisitive customer. She stopped just inches from him, and laid her slender fingers on his shoulder. She traced him from the shoulder to the chin and offered a warm smile.

"Well mister all mighty wizard, you may not be able to purchase that staff here, but I may have just the potion to get that magic going."

She transitioned her hand to her bosom and by some for of magic itself, produced a small vial of red liquid from them. She then lifted it to her lips and traced their fullness with the corked top. Though slightly obstructed by her hand, the vial had an engraved marking on it - a heart.

"One hundred gold and one night of ritual, and I'm sure the two of us can help raise the dead," she insinuated.

She gave the innocent farmer a wink.

"So what do you say mister evil wizard?"

[Lye]

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