Round 1 Veteran: Zack Blaze Vs Amber Eyes

[Silence Sei]

Round 1 begins tonight at midnight. Good Luck!

[Amber Eyes]

There was a disturbance on the east side of lower Radasanth. There were whispers of the Pheonix returning, pulling the coin lost during the war from the citizens. Sei seemed certain there were no longer Ascendant operatives around, and certainly whoever acted did so without the knowledge of the leadership. The Ixians received complaint after complaint, each story different enough to leave more questions than answers.

Kyla Orlouge was not here as a warrior, but a pretty girl in an evening gown would not stand out in the midst of the high-end taverns and shops that filled the streets. It was near dusk as the mystic walked alone, hoping to catch sight of some of the issues first hand. It was unusually chilly for this time of year and Kyla wished she had chosen sleeves. She crossed her arms across her chest and rubbed her palms against her forearms, hoping to dispel some of the goosebumps that laced her skin. Her heels clicked against the cobblestone a bit quicker as the nearest bar came into sight.

The wind hit her bare back and sent a shiver up her spine. Her long skirt brushed against her legs as she focused only on the warmth that would surely wait inside the tavern. It wasn't known for trouble, but perhaps a story or two could be heard that might lead her to the problem.

A low whistle filled the air, bouncing from one gray stone building to the next. Kyla paused, turning on her heel and trying to find the sounds starting point. She glanced around carefully, seemingly alone on the empty street. Confused and unsatisfied the mystic hurriedly started toward the club once more, a new chill in her bones that she had to admit wasn't from the cold.

She was perhaps thirty paces from the doorway when another set of footsteps filled the air, much quieter than her own. She paused once more, her heart beginning to race. Her eyes scanned the street, noting every stray piece of parchment until they finally settled on a shadowy figure. He stood on one leg, leaned back against a building, hidden from the moonlight. Just as she saw him the figure stood, starting toward her with just enough purpose for her to take a step back, cursing beneath her breath.

[Zack Blaze]

Just looking at the girl filled him with an uncontrollable rage. His hands ignited in flames as he thought about how humiliated Kyla Orlouge had now left him. Twice had Zack Blaze fought the female Mystic, and twice did she leave him either dead or wishing he was dead. It was the absolute worst fight record Zack Blaze had ever held against a single opponent. His knuckles popped as he tightened them on his approach, Kyla stepping back a little.

“Kyla Orlouge…” Zack said, his voice cracking with anger. His face showed that of a smiling young man while his fists held a fire that raged internally within him. He continued his whistle with each deliberate step he took. The tune was something kids usually sang before they went to bed at night, ‘Hush Little Baby’. In Zack’s head, he was replacing every ‘gift’ in the song with some sort of intricate pain he wished to see Kyla suffer.

And if that knife is way sharp, Zack’s gonna shove your face underwater with sharks. It did not rhyme and it was no way clever, but Zack didn’t care. All he wanted was to leave Kyla Orlouge in the same fashion he had been in at the end of the Althanas League; a beaten and defeated woman. He threw an uppercut into the air, the flames releasing from his fist and running through the ground. Bits of dirt and dust flew up in the wake of the large fire fin; much larger than it had been during the last encounter between the warriors.

He wanted her to jump; hoped she would use the same evasive maneuver as last time. She embarrassed him by never using a single ability in the League, and now he was going to make sure Kyla Orlouge’s name was synonymous with ‘unrecognizable blood pool’.

[Amber Eyes]

When his face appeared from the shadows Kyla's stance tightened. Zack Blaze was nothing but a punk trying to play with the big kids in the crime industry. She gave a small grin, her fear dissipating. She could handle the teen just fine.

He started with the same opening move as the League, a silly mistake that just might cost him his life. In an instant Kyla was gone, her last footprint on the cobblestone echoing through the shadows as she stepped onto a nearby rooftop.

"Is it truly you that all the whispers have been about?" Her voice was mocking as she looked down upon the boy, her shadow just covering his form. "Or are you as always standing in the shadows of those more powerful than you?"

She let out a laugh as a faint white light appeared in front of him on the street, growing strong and stronger until it lit up the whole of the area. A single black tendril of shadows enveloped the sphere, tightening itself around the orb and choking it until the whole thing exploded with an ear shattering pop.

[Zack Blaze]

Zack growled as the girl seemed to fall through the floor below her. His flames quickly hit the wall behind where Kyla had been just moments before, exploding into little fragments of embers and falling harmlessly to the ground. He looked up as Kyla began to taunt him, looking back down to see the ball of black and white before him. His eyes widened as his memories from the Corone War took over.

Kyla had used this technique several times during their first fight, the one where Zack had been killed by that stupid glass shield. He remembered the impact of the makeshift bomb sending him flying across the room, and destroying most of the town hall that they had been fighting in. It was a powerful ability, and at this range, would have probably taken the boys head clean off if he did not start thinking on his feet.

In an instant, Zack was gone, the explosion shattering the ground below where the two warriors had stood. Clouds of dust billowed upwards while chunks of wall crumbled down. Collateral damage never seemed to be a primary concern for any Ixian Knight. How many times had Jensen Ambrose and William Arcus destroy part of their castle only for it to be rebuilt with just a slap on the wrist in the months following? When you had the money of an Orlouge, people always had a tendency to look the other way when their home was decimated.

Zack appeared several feet above Kyla, a small stone in the boy’s hand glowing with a faint white light. As Zack fell, he pocketed the stone and began to run electricity through his hands. His palms cackled and sparked while he fell towards Kyla’s shoulders, raising his legs up in an attempt to deliver a series of kicks into the girl. If he could floor her just one good time, he could unleash High Voltage when she was prone and finally have his vengeance.

“Shut up and die, Orlouge!”

[Amber Eyes]

When Zack suddenly disappeared Kyla's blood ran cold. At what point did the boy develop the ability to teleport? Her question was answered when a sliver of light shone above her, giving her too little time to react. The mystic raised her hands to protect her face, but it was not enough.

The first kick hit her knuckles, sending a wave of pain through her arm. The second found its target, connecting with her nose and causing her vision to darken. All at once she was falling backward, her only thoughts of the pain. He landed kick after kick, each rushing together so that there was no clear answer to how many she took. She hit the ground hard, rolling to her stomach on impact and bringing her hands to her face. Blood pooled beneath her, covered her hand, it seemed to be everywhere. Her eyes struggled to focus, as though someone had extinguished the moonlight.

He was still coming, she knew it wasn't over. Desperation filled her, her body screaming that it could take no more. Kyla whispered to herself, not willing to be caught off guard again. Then, she tensed her fingers, listening for the tell-tale sound of Sophia's Mane coming to life.

[Zack Blaze]

With each sickening hit, Zack’s smile grew wider. His eyes lengthened as well, adding to the insanity bubbling inside him. Time seemed to slow as he watched droplets of blood leave his opponent’s body. He leapt off of the girl’s shoulders as she hit the rooftop with a loud thud. He landed on his feet, several feet away from the girl, and held his arms apart. As far as he was concerned he was already on his way to a victory here.

“Is that all you have, oh great Kyla Orlouge?” Zack taunted, looking up to the air. “IS THIS ALL YOU CAN SHOW ME?!” His scream echoed into the night. He slammed his foot against the ground several times, wishing that the lady fighter would get up. The last time they had fought, she had so much more in her arsenal, and she did not even use a single Mystic spell! How could it be that she was so weak now? Was it because Zack’s need for revenge motivated him more?

He walked over to the girl, looking over her pitiful form like a lion reviewing the kill. This night belonged to Zack, and Kyla obviously did not stand a chance against his forceful hits. He raised a foot up, bringing it down with as much force as he could muster towards the back of the girl’s head. A curb stomp seemed an appropriate way to add exclamation to how much he hated this person.

And then, he heard the glass shatter.

[Amber Eyes]

At the sound of shattering glass Kyla grinned through her pain. No matter how far one has fallen it is always a joy to watch their enemy fall further. The moment the glass broke the mystic pushed herself to standing. Her walk was unsteady and her head throbbed but the smile never left her distorted features. One of her heels broke during the fall, leaving her steps uneven. She hobbled to the edge of the rooftop, waiting for Zack to make his charge.

She would not fall here, not before the arrogance of Zack Blaze. She had defeated him twice before, once without even knowing it, today would change nothing. Her lips screamed with pain as she licked away the blood, swallowing the taste of salty copper. The mystic tapped the leg of her skirt with Sophia's Mane. The boy was standing now, his limbs covered in small cuts. His face was a distorted mess of anger and red smears, his chest heaving with each labored breath. The two met eyes, each waiting for the other to make a move.

[Zack Blaze]

When the glass shattered, Zack cursed the Thaynes for his bad luck. He had been hit with this spell once before. It was a powerful move but now it seemed less so. He did not feel the intense heat he remembered the glass giving off when the shards penetrated his face. Streams of crimson ran down his face, completely covering his red eye. He roared in a mixture of rage and pain while Kyla shifted her way to the edge of the arena, probably planning some scheme.

He would never allow the scheme to happen.

He ran at her with all of his might, a fist raised in the air as he charged. In another world, Zack would have powered the fist with one of his elemental abilities, either shocking or frying the girl with a single hit. Now, he was too fueled by hatred and vengeance to think clearly, and just wanted to see Kyla Orlouge dead. The fist came flying towards the Mystic’s face, ready to send her reeling off the edge.

[Amber Eyes]

Kyla ducked, bringing the blade-covered gloved hand hard into the teens gut. The familiar warmth of blood dripped down her arm, soon Zack Blaze would be no more. The mystic let out the tiniest of laughs, more from relief than enjoyment. The kid was growing stronger, it was good she had eliminated him once and for all. His soul would stay safely locked away until a suitable plan was made for rehabilitation. She was already running through the conversation she would have with Sei when she noticed something was wrong.

Zack was beginning to go limp, but his eyes were still strong. Sophia's Mane was failing at its task. The mystic pulled her gloved hand from his stomach, ensuring the blades were released, then her eyes slipped back to Zack's now smiling face.

"I came prepared this time Miss Orlouge." The name was said in mock admiration. There probably would have been a bow had the kid not been so far gone himself.

Kyla lifted her hand, if her glove couldn't take his soul, a few more stabs would take his life. Before she could reach him though, he shoved her shoulders, sending her flying backward off the rooftop. As she fell only one thought ran through her mind.

I'm getting too old for this shit.

[Zack Blaze]

He heard another thud, this time much louder than before. He hit his knees once the threat of Kyla had disappeared from his sight. He had done it; defeated a ‘Daughter of the Dragon’. On this night, Zack Blaze had killed Kyla Orlouge. He laughed, grabbing both sides of his head as he cackled maniacally into the night. The insanity of his laughter echoed down into the streets, causing several people to look up at the odd sound.

Zack peered over the edge, a Cheshire grin painted across his features. All he had left to do was to verify the killing blow. Kyla Orlouge was dead and even if such a travesty brought with it the entire wrath of the Ixian Knights, the street fighter didn’t care. All he cared about was that he had won, and now he could claim his victory.

But, there was no body at the scene, just a large pool of blood and several people gawking up awkwardly at him.

“No..no no no no no no NO!” Zack screamed, his fist slamming into the rooftop each time he had uttered the word. Kyla was not dead, but she had been severely weakened. She had once looked to Zack Blaze and thought of him an inexperienced child. All his victory tonight here did was prove that she had been right all along.

And once again, Zack found himself defeated by the hands of the clever Mystic girl.

[Max Dirks]

You both assumed the reader was familiar with your characters' histories, requiring a bit of extra homework to get caught up. The pacing of this battle was good, but you left out too many possible story elements. Was Zack the one starting the mischief in Radasanth? If so, was it to lure out the Orlouges, or was it, as Kyla suggested, to establish Zack as a criminal of some renown? Regardless, I appreciate that you two did not use the tournament as a back drop for this encounter. Individual comments are below. ZB refers to Zack Blaze and AE refers to Amber Eyes.



Zack BlazeAmber EyesNotes

Story
4
4




Setting
4
4
AE: I like how you had Kyla break a heel, but all of that jumping around in a cocktail dress probably wasn't comfortable either. Including small details could really improve your score here.


Pacing
5
5



Communication
4
5
AE: Kyla's zinger about Zack Blaze standing in the shadows of greater criminals was excellent. ZB: The nursery rhyme addition was extremely corny and did not fit alongside Zack's other dialogue throughout the battle.


Action
5
4



Persona
5
4
Zack's hatred for Kyla was a bit more pronounced in the story than Kyla's seeing Zack as a nuisance. Particularly, I did not like how Kyla did not expand upon whether it was, in fact, Zack or someone else who'd been causing trouble.


Mechanics
6
5
AE: I noticed some tense changes, particularly early. Writing sentences with a verb in past tense ("filled") and combining them with an adjective or another verb in present participle ("bouncing"). In most cases, sentences that do this are also run-on, so be aware of that as well.


Clarity
6
5
AE: Some of your sentences early were confusing. For example, "Kyla Orlouge was not here as a warrior, but a pretty girl in an evening gown would not stand out in the midst of the high-end taverns and shops that filled the streets..." from post 1 caused me some trouble. A better way to write it would be, "Kyla Orlouge was not dressed as a warrior, but as a pretty girl in an evening gown that..." or "Kyla Orlouge was not here as a warrior, but rather a pretty girl in and evening gown that..." Admittedly, your writing improved as you got into a groove (and probably ran into some time constraints).


Technique
5
5



Wildcard
4
4


Total
Total
48/10045/100



Zack Blaze advances to Round Two
Amber Eyes will continue in the Loser's Bracket.

Zack Blaze receives 2750 EXP and 48 GP
Amber Eyes receives 825 EXP and 45 GP

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!

Zack Levels to 10!

Congratulations!