Round 1 Newcomer: Random Stranger Vs Sir Walter

[Silence Sei]

Battle begins tonight at Midnight CST. Good luck!

[Random Stranger]

Now normally a Random Stranger wouldn't join a tournament. However, The leader of The Random Stranger Guild had said he needed to get use to using his summons in battle. Of course Random Stranger himself won't be battling. He will just send out his summon then hide like he always does.

That is why Random Stranger was here at the Rose Dome Stadium, a stadium shaped like a giant rose. He stood in the top petal of the stadium while his opponent stood across from him. A man stood in the center of the stadium and waited for them to give their greetings.

"I shall not be fighting directly, I will summon a familiar and if you beat it, you win. Fight it well!" Random Stranger said then summoned a wolf before he teleported away.

[Sir Walter]

“There you are. Are you going to enter the Magus Cup? Commander Sei is encouraging all new recruits to join if possible so the officers can better judge the total strength of the Ixian Knights,” a fellow knight told me.

“This is the first time I heard of it. Would you mind explaining what it is?” I politely asked.

“Oh that's right, I completely forgot you were 'dead' for the last hundred years. Well, it's basically a big tournament where people compete against each other one on one. There's a bracket for newcomers like yourself and also a veteran bracket for the more well known people. The judges in charge review the fight and decide on the winner. I'm not quite sure on how it's done but the one who defeats his opponent isn't always the one to go through,” the knight explained.

“Thank you for the information. I'm glad to be among such kind knights as yourself who are willing to look pass my appearance. I believe I may enter this tournament if that is the wishes of the Commander,” I responded.



It was the day of the tournament. Apparently, they had decided to hold this round in a rose like stadium. To me, it was a beautiful sight and I could see a lot of hard work had went into the design and construction. If I could smell, I'm sure that there would have been a nice rose like smell to top it off. But alas, I was dead. Still, I would was determined to use this second 'life' if it could be called that to do my best to please the gods by leading a just and honorable life.

Both me and my opponent got into position. It seems like the other person was completely hidden to the extent that I couldn't see anything about him. “I wonder if he is like me? After all, I'm completely hidden in this armor too,” I idly thought.

“Hello good sir, my name is Sir Walter. I pray that we may have a fair and honorable match as the gods would desire,” I politely introduced myself.

"I shall not be fighting directly, I will summon a familiar and if you beat it, you win. Fight it well!" the Random Stranger said. I was a bit disappointed that the man wouldn't even give his name. I couldn't even ask him anymore since he had apparently disappeared replaced by a wolf.

“Well, Mr. Wolf. I guess it's just you and me,” I said aloud as I readied my trusty sword and shield.

[Random Stranger]

The wolf just looked at him then yawned before it crouched down, ready for a fight. The man in the center looked at the wolf with a frown then brought out a rule book. After a while searching the entire book he closed it and shrugged. "Well then, with the combatants ready I now declare this battle started!"

The moment that this was said, the wolf lunged forward as the crowd cheered. The wolf stayed low as he charged the undead man.

[Sir Walter]

I was a bit unsure of what to do. Would I be fighting a wolf instead of the person who was just here? Even the judge seemed to be looking through his rule book trying to figure out what to do in this situation. As for the wolf, was it really just a regular wolf? Based on the fact that it didn't attack right away and just prepared, it must be somehow controlled by the stranger. “Poor thing. I wish I didn't have to hurt an animal. Reminds me a bit of the various dogs that people own,” I thought as the judge flipped through the pages.

Finally, the judge seemed to have reached the end of the rule book. He gave a shrug which seemed to say he couldn't find any rule against a wolf.

"Well then, with the combatants ready I now declare this battle started!"

Immediately, the wolf charged at me. It seemed trying to knock me over or something. “Not quite sure how it is going to break through this steel platemail but best to be safe and end this quickly,” I decided as I took a well trained swing at the wolf. Out loud I said, “Shame on you stranger. You should fighting yourself instead of using a poor wolf to do your duty. Have you no honor?”

[Random Stranger]

The wolf jumped to the right as the sword came down to try to chop him in half. It then charged the mans feet in hope that it would trip the man so he would have better access to the armored man.

[Sir Walter]

“Missed? I guess this wolf must be some type of summon. It's definitely moving faster than the wolves back at home,” I thought to myself as I prepared for the next attack. It seemed the wolf was trying to hit my legs to knock me over. As much as I hated to harm the creature, I kicked at the wolf as it came to me. “As fast as the creature is, I doubt it can change its momentum to avoid. Steel vs flesh and blood. I really wish I didn't have to hurt this beautiful animal. Seriously, that stranger's house should be checked for animal abuse.”

[Random Stranger]

The wolf yelped as boot met flesh. The wolf skidded across the arena and laid there for a minute before it rose to it's feet and shook it's head to get it out of it's daze. The wolf then turned back to the paladin with a growl before it started to circle the armor clad being as it searched for an opening to strike.

[Sir Walter]

“What have I done?” I thought to myself as I heard the thunk of metal hitting flesh. The wolf reminded me a bit too much of some of the guard dogs people had back at home. “Is it really right of me to hurt an animal like this? It's not a human so it didn't have the ability to choose this fight. The one I really should be fighting is the summoner. But then again, what's the difference between the wolf and another summoned creature like a golem?”

“Gods, if you can spare a second for a lowly knight like me, please let me know if this is fine. If not, please punish this sinner for not knowing better,” I prayed.

Even with no immediate judgment or response, I still couldn't shake the horrible feeling. Keeping an eye on the wolf, I asked the nearby judge a question.

“Mr. Judge. Is there any rule that requires the summoner to be in the arena? It seems rather dishonorable to pull in poor creature to fight and just go away without a thought about the animal.”

[Random Stranger]

OOC: I had checked with the moderators to make sure.

The judge pulled out his rule book once again then started to skim through it. The wolf stopped and looked at the man as he searched. As the rule book came to an end the judge said, "No such rule is listed. I'm afraid that makes it legal."

The wolf just nodded then continued it's circular path around the man.



Meanwhile, in the forest outside the stadium the random stranger breathed a sigh of relief. I'm glad there is no rules against it. I can't fight a worm... literally. He thought as he remembered the time that he lost to an earthworm as he tried to put it on a hook.

[Sir Walter]

It was more of an IC thing for Sir Walter. He doesn't like hurting animals and also thinks your actions are dishonorable.

“It seems like I may have to put in a request for a new rule after I finish this tournament. Such cowardice is disgraceful. Not only that, forcing a poor animal to fight that doesn't have a chance is just horrible,” I thought as I observed the circling wolf.

“It seems very tame and well trained. I wonder if I can just knock it out and get the anchorites to take it away from the stranger. Afterward, maybe a good owner could be found that would treat it properly and wouldn't force it into fights. Maybe a merchant could use it as a companion and protector,” I mused while looking for an opportunity to strike.

Seeing a quick look to the side from the wolf, I ran in as quickly as my heavy armor would allow and attempted to strike the wolf. I made sure to use the flat of the blade and hoped that it wouldn't cause too much damage. “God, if you have a moment to spare for a poor knight, I pray that you can help me to knock this poor wolf out without causing any serious harm.”

[Random Stranger]

The wolf heard the undead paladin as he clanked his way across the field. It noticed the sword as it was ready to strike and dodged to the side and snickered. "Honestly Sir Walter," Stranger spoke through the wolf, "you will have to come at me to kill in order to win. This wolf will have no memory when it returns home, and it will be completely healed as if nothing happened. So please, stop holding back." The wolf then charged Walter, teeth bared, ready to tear the armor right off him.

[Sir Walter]

“How far does your animal cruelty go? You taking over its mind and forcing this poor creature to speak in unnatural ways. Not only that, you think it's fine for me to kill this innocent wolf since you will erase its memories? What a sick twisted thinking. Do you have no honor? May the Gods judge you and punish you for your sins,” I replied as I tried to dodge the wolf's charge. Unfortunately for me, the charge caught me straight on knocking me onto my back.

“Should I punch the wolf? Let it tear off my armor and defeat me? Surrender? What is a knight suppose to do? I feel like I'm damned if I try beating the wolf and damned if I don't.”

“I guess I'll try and stick with the original plan and try to knock the wolf out while trying to minimize damage. After this match, I can try and deal with my real opponent and get this poor creature away from him,” I decided. Using my steal fists and feet, I tried my best to give a knock out kick or punch.

Hmm, maybe I should request your wolf as a spoil for the battle :)

[Random Stranger]

The wolf snapped at the armored undead a few more times until one of the mans swings hit the wolf off him and knocked it out. After a few seconds the wolf disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The crowd went wild as the announcer called, "Winner, Sir Walter!"



In the woods outside the arena Random Stranger only had one thought as he passed out. Well done Sir Walter, well done. He then fell forward unconscious and was teleported back to The Random Strangers Guild.



Far away in a place unknown, the wolf awoke with no injuries what so ever. It then left it's cave and got ready to hunt with it's pack. The leader of the pack knew it had been summoned recently because it could smell stranger on it. Our first time being summoned. Well stranger, hope he served you well. The wolf then howled and led the pack out on their hunt.

[Sir Walter]

I could feel the scratches as the wolf attempted to claw through my armor. Thankfully, the faithfully steel held and I was able to focus on trying to knock out the wolf. Eventually, a hit landed. To my surprise, the large wolf vanished in a cloud of smoke instead of laying on my armor or the ground next to me.

“Well, I guess the man kept his word and returned the wolf without its memories. I hope it has a nice home and not in a cage some place owned by the stranger. In the future, I'll have to seek out the stranger and find out what happened. Even if the wolf was returned back to his home fully recovered, that man's usage of animals is rather disturbing to me,” I mused.

The crowd's cheers filled the stadium as I finally stood to my feet. Thanking the judge and crowds, I left to seek to the stranger if he was still around hiding some place...

Want to go do a quest/battle in the future, hoytti?

[hoytti]

OOC: Sure. we can work out the details later.
.

[Max Dirks]

Congratulations on finishing your first tournament battle. Since this tournament is geared towards newcomers, you'll be receiving full commentary. Bear with me as I try to find a style I like. Here, I'll be combining my comments, but directing them to you individually. RS will refer to Random Stranger and SW will refer to Sir Walter.



Random StrangerSir WalterNotes

Story
2
3
Not much from either of you here. RS: Why do you need to fight w/ a familiar? Why did you enter the tournament? SW: You overplayed the animal cruelty card to the point where it was cruel to keep me reading it. Branch out, adventure!



Setting
2
1
RS: You created an amazing setting, but then didn't use it. What did it feel like to run along the petal? Was there wind. You could have added much more hazard to the battle. SW: Same thing, but point to RS because he created the setting. I gave you points because sword swings and wolf bites caused their expected damage


Pacing
4
3
RS: What you lacked in content, you made up in pacing. The battle went smoothly until the end. Your conclusion was rather drab, with no real climax except the wolf fell unconscious. SW: Your mechanics & poor sentence structure hurt you here.


Communication
3
3
SW: Thought dialogue while writing in 1st person is rather redundant. For example, in post 7 you wrote in prose, "As much as I hated to harm the creature..." then said in thought dialogue, "I really wish I didn't have to hurt this beautiful animal" immediately thereafter. This detracts from the pace.


Action
2
4
SW really drove the action in the battle. The wolf's actions were limited to jumping and biting. Using the setting would have helped improve this score immensely.


Persona
2
4
RS: One disadvantage of removing your character from the battle is that you lose his personality as well. The few times you interjected seemed deliberate and out of place. Next round, try seeing through your summon's eyes & feeling your summon's actions. This will allow you to add persona to your writing without detracting from pacing. SW: you hit the nail on the head, fifty times. Your character felt uncomfortable fighting the wolf, I get it. What would have helped you score higher here would have been resolution on the matter.


Mechanics
4
4
SW: Omitted words killed your writing. In post 5 you wrote, "It seemed trying to knock me over or something." Blatant errors like that cause me to have to reread the sentence/paragraph enough to detract me from any sense of urgency you were trying to create. I admire you both for avoiding excessive run-on sentences.


Clarity
3
4
RS: You're missing commas again. This makes your writing read as "The wolf did that. Then he did this. Then he did that. Change the flow of the writing (and hence improve the clarity of what you're saying) by breaking apart your sentences. SW: I don't have enough time to go on a tirade about tense, but you jumped back and forth in almost every post. You can learn more on Google, but a good rule of thumb is avoid using "had" or verbs with "ed" at the end with verbs that end in "ing" in the same phrase. One is past tense, the other is present participle. Look at post five. You make it mostly present (ing), but then the wolf charged at you (ed). To keep it the same tense, you would say "The wolf started charging at me."


Technique
4
4
RS: I thought you were going to refer to yourself in third person the whole time, which would have been great. Then you didn't. It was a let down.


Wildcard
3
3
Kudos on completing the first round

Total
Total
29/10033/100



Sir Walter advances to Round 2.
Random Stranger is still alive in the Loser's Bracket

Sir Walter gains 425 EXP and 52 GP
Random Stranger earns 125 EXP and 40 GP

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!