Proving my skill CLOSED TO LYE

[Monster_Hunter]

Tison walks down a dark alley in the city of Radasanth, the alley is only about 8 feet across it is very moist and steam rises to cover most of the alley making it very difficult to see. Moments later he stops about half way in the alley, he grabs his wrist and grinds his teeth. "I can feel you here." he says as his weights drop off both his wrists. "Is it time for me to show you?" he says in a dark and angry tone.

[Lye]

The stagnating steam rolled in the shadows and pushed toward the flickering light of the street lamp. A low, ominous laugh followed the wave of disturbed mist as it wrapped around the figure challenging it to a duel.

"Pretty sharp for a civi." The roll of the stranger's voice dripped ferocity and venom. Steps sounded while the shape of a man broke the edge of dark to light, his features now becoming apparent. No older than thirty, a ruffian clothed in tattered rags and patchwork leather vest presented himself to his prey. The flicker of a curved dagger bounced erratically around the alleyway with each spin in its owners hands.

"Now why don't ya be a smart bloke and turn o'er that bag o' coin y'got danglin' there?" Black, beady eyes remained fixed through the fog on the exact location Tison kept his gold as if he had a sixth sense for money. Immediately, the thief's body snapped rigged, the dagger halted its show, and he locked the weapon at the ready.

Overlooking the potential conflict from above, nestled in his own corner of darkness, Lye remained wrapped in shadow and perfectly hidden to the eye. His performance so unflinching that the common roof dwelling avian pecked haphazardly about his boots, unaware.

"Interesting," the master assassin thought with an invisible sneer, "A show to determine whether or not I've wasted my time. Let me see that savagery I've heard so much about, Tison La' Blank."

[Monster_Hunter]

"Who is this? Daring to approach me like this, What nerve he has." Tison's mind raced as he saw a figure emerge from the shadows. With every step the man took forward visions shot threw Tison's mind, visions of blood and carnage. "This fool, I will rip him apart for his monstrous presence."

"Now why don't ya be a smart bloke and turn o'er that bag o' coin y'got danglin' there?" the man said to Tison, but Tison has past the point of conversation with his foe. The moment his dagger was visible in hand, he had lost his chance to speak to Tison. With every spin of his blade, Tison flexes his muscles preparing to launch an attack.

"DIE!" Tison yells as he begins a sprint toward the anonymous foe, "DIE DIE DIE NOW YOU DIE!" he keeps yelling as is all the sanity has left him and now all that's left is a mindless killer. "DIE MONSTER!" he screams as he nears his foe and jumps about a foot in the air and roundhouse Kicks him in the head.

[Lye]

"Spry fellow," the cutpurse managed before just barely catching the edge of a boot across his rough features. The thief doubled back into the alley, shocked by the immeasurable speed and strength he was nearly met with. A trickle of red wove a river on his flesh from the rough gash delivered from the blow. A filthy hand brushed the fluid aside, effectively doing the opposite of what he intended and it smeared across his cheek.

"My turn bucko," the thug spared no more time to recover and leaned into his own weight. His legs struggles to keep hip upright, only increasing his advance on his eventual payout. Curved dagger rose to the ready pointed forward in a reverse grip. The gap closed and the rugged street thug loosed his coiled arm for a direct stab toward the chest. He pulled the attack mere inches from connection and feinted to the side. His body dropped low and like a scythe harvesting wheat, he swept the blade for the legs. The momentum drove him into a tumble and he rolled swiftly to his feet. The hunched delinquent sprang from his balled position to make a crescent slash intended to open his foe from hip to shoulder.

"Don't fuck with me boy!"

Watching above, Lye bared his teeth as the adrenaline from the show began to heat his veins.

[Monster_Hunter]

Astonished that his roundhouse kick didn't take care of the job as most of the time one shot is all it takes. Taken back slightly he drops his guard for a moment allowing the thug to get a distance from him. As they both stand adjacent to each other in the alley way, he watches his enemy trying to get a read on what he might do next.

Suddenly the thug began to rush Tison with his blade readied to kill. Tison retaliates be rushing him back not sure how he will counter if he swings at him. His gut instinct is to use his enhanced speed to evade the frontal strike and inflict massive damage on the back swing. As they rapidly grow closer and closer to each other he has decided his course of action and is fully ready to dodge the swipe of his dagger.

Without any signal or give away the thug drops down and comes up with his dagger, Tison's mind raced "What is this?!? There is no time!" Tison tries with his entire might to just move, only a few inches would be ideal to avoid the blade. Alas the momentum he has built up to take out the thug on the backswing was to much to move, even the small distance required. Managing to slightly turn his back, the tip of the thugs blade come up and slices his back. The pain almost immediately overcomes him, but this is no time for pain. Still carrying momentum he rotates and the rest of the way and aims his extremely fast and powerful fist into the thugs temple. This punch has enough strength behind it to easily knock the thug out.

[Lye]

The ruffian loosed a smile at the satisfaction gained from steel to flesh. The blade ate through cloth, skin, and kissed the bones shallow to the surface on such a toned body. At the apex of his blow, smile turned to shock, and his features were eclipsed by the sailing fist of his enemy. A dull thud resounded as testament to the incredible strength behind the blow and was quickly echoed by the wet crunch of skull versus stone building. Blood pushed itself through the opened wound and spat upwards from the point of impact. It was the final marker of life to the limp body now slouched in the alleyway.

"Impressive," echoed the voice from above, birds that now realized they were not alone took flight. The shadows that wrapped around the assassin like a second skin washed away from his body in a swirl, exposing his typical battle attire and trademark crimson scarf.

"You very well may prove useful to me, hunter." Lye rose from his crouched position and stood tall upon the rooftops leading to the alley beneath him. He stepped as though more building were in front of him, yet he met nothing but air and plummeted straight down. When he made contact with the street below, he braced his fall and what would have snapped a lesser man's legs in two, he stood unphased. His platinum hair drifted back into place, partially secluding one of two emerald eyes from view.

"But I have one more test for you," he continued without a quiver of pain in his voice, proof that the flawless landing was attributed to some special trait or freak neglect of physics. "You must land a hit on me before you either bleed out, or I steal the life from your corpse. Do this, and you will have an opportunity to join a brotherhood of people like you and I - who take what we desire with little regard to cost or collateral..."

The eerie grind of titanium drawing from wooden scabbards broke the brief silence and five steel needles slipped from their sheathes into the air as though possessed.

"Do you accept this challenge?" Lye seethed, his crimson vlince hiding a grin of entertainment.

[Monster_Hunter]

Watching as his fist made contact with his assailant's head sending his plummeting to the stone wall. The adrenalin Tison was using running on was now starting to fade and the pain of his wound has begun to plague him. Tison grips his side, never taking his eyes off of the man now on the ground. "Is it over?" Tison thinks to himself. The blood from his side now is dripping to the cold stone. The expression on his face showed no pain but is still enveloped in anger.

The muffled sound of speech is heard above Tison, nothing he could hear but he looks up to see a man just as he falls to the ground and lands on his feet unfazed. Their eyes meet and Tison begins to calm himself enough to understand his words. "One more test" he hears from this strange man. Almost instantly he began to grit his teeth "Challenge" is the last thing he heard from the man as his pain has went away and he began to rush towards him.

Running in the middle of alleyway his hands thrown back and his back hunched over pushing threw the pain. Like an animal Tison grunts as he nears his target, seeing the flash of the needles enter the air his instinct is to avoid. Tison launches himself off the ground and with all his momentum lands and begins running on the stone of the wall. At an angle he counties loosing his grip to the wall he jumps off and onto the opposite wall. Once he lands on it he immediately pushes him self off of it towards his enemy. "You will die!!" he screams as he manages to do a full front flip in mid air and bring his heel down on top of Lye's head.

[Lye]

"Tch, nothing but an animal..." he hissed.

Lye dropped his stance as the boy rushed him like a bull. The fancy acrobatics did little for evasion or his speed. The assassin sprung backwards as his foe went airborne. The glint of emerald from his eyes flickered in the shadow of a dropping heel, and inches spared him from a splitting headache. With his potential initiate due to land from the fall, the assassin willed steel rain upon him. All five needles cascaded down while the boy had little options for evasion. Though his attack was a miss, the youth effectively pushed him to the end of the alley and almost in public view. A battle in the streets would be an unwanted source of attention and Lye immediately slammed one of his blades into its scabbard. He replaced the wakizashi with his unique damascus kusarigama. The chain sang into the air and routed the sickle into the building ledge above.

Lye's legs grew tense and with the aid of his chain weapon, he lifted his body along the alley wall and over his opponent. His wrist snapped and dislodged the exotic weapon back to his clasp before his black boots kissed the filthy alley floor behind Tison.

[Monster_Hunter]

As Tison's heal swiftly sliced through the warm moist air of the alley way, beans of sweat began to build up all over his face. He had been pushing himself too hard, his body sliced open and bleeding all the wile he forcing it to still move like he needs it to. All of his effort put into a final strike, after this he would be at his limit and would be struggling even to flea for his life if needed. In what seemed to be a second Tison's back heel smashed into the cold cobblestone of the alleyway ground, he had not the strength to even watch the man evade his strike. Only a small splash of water shooting upward from his heel breaking some still water that pooled in the cracks of the cobblestone. The man had seemingly to Tison disappeared in thin air for a moment until a loud thump of his boots meeting the ground behind him.

Tison simply stood still, his body starting to really become week from his previous skirmish with the petty thug from earlier. Drops of blood starting to fall and start the makings of a crimson pool beneath his feet. It might be the blood loss or the man avoiding his last ditch effort for victory, but Tison had become slightly light headed and nauseous. Is this going to be the end of me? he could barley compose thought through the pain he pushed himself into. Finally his body began to give out of him as he simply couldn't hold himself up any longer. Tison dropped to his knees gripping his bleeding side wound, unsure of weather he would live past this knight of not.

"Ey... " Tison spoke out loud enough so the shadowy figure behind him could hear him. "You win" His last words before he fully collapse of the ground, out cold. His fate was now out of his hand, this man had bested him forth right.

[Lye]

The sound of the combatants' footsteps bounced off the alley's worn walls. Tison's words mixed themselves amidst the racket just enough for Lye to catch their meaning. The assassin's expression changed to dissatisfaction while the familiar sound of a defeated corpse slapped against the damp cobblestones. His looming, dark form turned to face Tison. Beneath him crawled a network of precious blood as it traveled between the stones towards the victor's feet.

"A shame," Lye mouthed. He took a few steps forward. "I had figured you to have more fight than that."

The assassin let loose an entertained sigh and he took a moment to glance back to the lifeless ruffian beneath his crimson mural. A thought occurred.

"I assume you can still hear me," Lye began. He returned attention to Tison and knelt next to him. "I like your zeal. So, I'm feeling gracious enough to let you live. Better yet, I'd like to give you another opportunity."

The assassin fished one of his gloved hands around the satchel strapped to his hip. From within, he produced a small scrap of parchment. In his free hand, he armed himself with another black throwing needle. He drew the weapon near Tison's body and ran the tip through the viscous fluid draining exponentially from it. This returned to the scrap of parchment and began scribbling upon it with crimson ink.

"There's a man of importance I want you to investigate. Rumor has it he's been up to some dark endeavors."

Lye dipped the tip of the needle back in for more of Tison's blood.

"Get some information on him and return back to this alley when you are done. Succeed and we can have a rematch on your terms."

With a final flair of punctuation, the assassin popped the tip of the needle through the page. Several important notes about names, locations, and times were now scrawled across in red.

"This calls for a more... delicate touch," he commented while he folded the note and tucked it under a limp arm. "So try to show some restraint."

Lye stood and before he turned to leave, he halted.

"Oh, and before I go..."

He again fished his satchel to produce a small glass vial filled with a translucent red fluid and bound with several passes of a verdant fabric. With a casual toss, it fell upon Tison's back, bounced gently, then landed with a clink and a roll beside him.

"Patch yourself up so you don't bleed out. I'd hate to leave all this trash to rot in the alleys."

A bemused chuckle escaped, and the platinum haired assailant returned to his retreat down the alley. As his steps echoed off the cobblestone, a shroud of darkness peeled from the walls and began to surround him in a display similar to a spider wrapping its prey in silk. The sound of footsteps began to fade as the mass of shadow grew more opaque until finally, silence fell upon the two bodies left behind. The darkness itself tensed, dissipated into a haze, and drifted back upon the walls like a static cling.

Lye Ulroke vanished without a trace.

[Quentin Boone]

Thread Title: Proving my skill (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?26728)
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: Lye vs Monster_Hunter



As requested by Lye, I will be giving minimal commentary for this judgement in the form of a pro and con for each section. If either of you want more detailed feedback on any of the commentary, feel free to PM me.

Plot: 19 --- 13

Story- 7/10---4/10
Lye:
+ You did a good job of giving the battle a story that fit well with your character's current trend of recruitment.
- The story could have been given a little more depth if you had explained how Lye came to know about Tison.

Monster_Hunter:
+ You did a good job of telling the fight's story.
- Although the fight's story was told well, it didn't really feel connected to your character's overall plot. It would have been good to know why your character was in the alleyway and where he was heading or what he was doing there.

Setting- 5/10---4/10
Lye:
+ You did a good job of describing the setting over the course of the thread by adding little details throughout all your posts.
- A higher score would have been given had all five senses been employed.

Monster_Hunter:
+ You gave a good foundation for the setting in your first post.
- More details were generally lacking, however, and apart from two instances (when the mugger's head hit the wall and Tison ran along both walls) it seemed like your character was acting within an empty space.

Pacing- 7/10---5/10
Lye:
+ You kept the thread moving well and maintained a consistent pace that fit with the two battles.
- Lye's interjection gave an abrupt slowing of the thread that felt a little distracting.

Monster_Hunter
+ Like Lye, you kept the thread moving at a good pace appropriate for the fights.
- Your score was hurt, however, by 'backtracking' to Lye's posts. Remember that the reader has just read that so doesn't need to be told again. It's better to simply reply to your opponent's actions.



Character: 23 --- 16

Communication- 8/10---6/10
Lye:
+ Your dialogue felt realistic and believable, and the accent of the mugger provided nice variety.
- Though you used some internal dialogue, a little more would have added real depth to Lye while he was watching the attempted mugging.

Monster_Hunter:
+ You did a good job of using internal dialogue to show Tison's thoughts throughout the thread.
- Some of Tison's speech seemed out of place, especially the initial 'DIE, DIE, DIE' outburst.

Action-7/10---5/10
Lye:
+ You did a fantastic job of portraying Lye through his actions and the letter writing added a nice touch with interaction with the setting.
- For what seemed a simple mugger, it felt like he was a little too skilled which broke from the realism of his actions.

Monster_Hunter:
+ Tison's actions did a great job of portraying his anger-driven personality and resulting rashness in battle.
- More acrobatics that interacted with the setting (like the wall jumping) would have really added flair and demonstrated his increased agility well.

Persona- 8/10---5/10
Lye:
+ Both your characters' emotions were portrayed well and fit them nicely: the arrogant confidence of the mugger and Lye's quiet calm.
- It would have been nice to see a little more exploration into Lye's disappointment in Tison.

Monster_Hunter:
+ Tison's rage was demonstrated really well.
- But it could have been explained better; it felt almost like rage for the sake of rage and if you had given a little reason for it it would have felt more natural.



Prose: 21 --- 14

Mechanics- 6/10---4/10
Lye:
+ For the most part your mechanics were very good.
- There were a few spelling errors, however, that could have been picked up with a proof read, otherwise you would have scored higher.

Monster_Hunter:
+ You showed a good grasp of fundamentals here, such as basic punctuation and grammar.
- The main reason for the low score was your changes in tense. You tried to go for present tense for most of the thread, but had a tendency to drop back to past tense.

Clarity- 8/10---5/10
Lye:
+ Everything was very clear and meanings were well delivered.
- A top-tier score here wasn't achieved primarily due to a lack of clarity pertaining to your characters' appearance, most prominently the mugger. It made the interactions difficult to clearly see.

Monster_Hunter:
+ Your actions were mostly clearly described so that they could be envisaged in the reader's mind.
- However, this was forestalled by problems with mechanics that sometimes force the reader to go back over sentences to get a real understanding of what's happening.

Technique- 7/10---5/10
Lye:
+ You did a good job of building tension by having Lye watch the intial encounter to leave the reader wondering what his intentions were beyond simply watching.
- Your writing generally adopts a more simplistic form (which isn't a bad thing, by the way) so some of the 'heavier' metaphors felt out of place.

Monster_Hunter:
+ You made good use of internal thoughts to add colour to your writing.
- But if you utilised this strength by switching to a more 'character-point-of-view-focused' narrative style, they could be used even more effectively. Feel free to PM me if you want more advice on how to achieve this.



Wildcard: 6 --- 5
The fight was overall an enjoyable read, but Lye showed a little more flair and comfort in writing his interactions.



Final Score: 69---48

Lye (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?2900) Wins!:


1725 EXP!
69 GP!

Congratulations!


Monster_Hunter (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17326) Receives:


225 EXP!
35 GP!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!