Ixian Castle Infiltration (Closed)

[The_Duke]

In the midst of a star scattered sky, Duke navigates across it like a red glimmer. The coolness of the night sky kisses his face as he looks down almost straining his eyes to see the ground below. "I couldn't have missed the castle, it must be up ahead" he thinks to himself. Duke continues to soar into the night searching for the Ixian Castle.

"This world doesn't need any creatures that would have the power to teleport people across time and space," Duke still having a conversation to himself in his head. "This creature Misery, must be dealt with." Coming to his final conclusion.

After minuets of flight later Duke finally see in the distance the castle he had been looking for. He alters his flight path and is aimed down towards it. His red glimmer like a falling star as he descends over the castle walls. Making a few circles over the roof of the fortress, he tries to formulate a course of action in order to infiltrate it. "There, there is a courtyard I can enter in." Duke decides on in his head.

Now he begins to lower himself into the courtyard, his glowing red wings shine against the walls. This flawing his stealthy entrance. As he nears the ground he lowers one foot, his wings in a flash disappears and he drops. Duke lands on his first foot and caches himself with his second, his eyes begin to scan the area looking for anybody that might have caught him in his infiltration.

"I believe I had made it without being detected now its time to destroy this Misery creature." Duke monologues to himself.

[Silence Sei]

“I am afraid you will find such a task is a lot harder than you would think,”
the voice came from everywhere and nowhere at the same time, its source being inside the head of Duke. A figure landed on the ground softly behind the champion of the spirits, an orange haired man with two giant butterfly wings on his back. He crossed his arms, his eyes set on the infiltrator like a cat would target a mouse.

“I am Sei Orlouge, lord of this castle and leader of the Ixian Knights,” the Mystic ‘spoke’ once more, “Misery is under my protection, as well as every other creature the Ixian Knights harbor. If you proceed down this route, I will have no choice but to use force against you.” Sei rolled his shoulders, his hands beside his trusty prevalida chakrams. He was not going to allow some hopeful upstart to hurt his castle’s ‘pet’.

Misery had been adopted by the Ixians for several years now. The plant monster possessed the unique ability to instantaneously transport not only himself, but anything and anyone he desired as well. Misery was a staunch soldier for Sei’s troops, and a way to get the army from one location to another without the worry of day long travels. Not only this, but the mute’s daughters had taken it upon themselves to nickname the creature ‘Fluffy’. Once the beast had been named by the girls, he was a part of the family.

And Sei Orlouge would always protect his family.

“This is your last warning, friend. Leave peacefully or force my hand.”

[The_Duke]

Duke stood with his back turned to the butterfly winged man, frustrated that he had been so easily detected in his infiltration. "How did you know I was here?" he says just loud enough for him to barley hear. Back tracking his movements in his mind, his quite entry and decent into the courtyard. "I never made a sound." he continues. His hand now shifting to the grip of his sword.

Duke turns his head to the side in order to accurately examine the strange man behind him, noticing his grip on his blades. Duke narrows his vision to try to detect any type of weakness that he could use to better his chances of accomplishing his mission. "So you must be the leader of this castle. You said that you must protect your family, but how can consider anything with such devastation power family?" He exclaims as he turns to fully face his foe, his hand fully gripping his sheathed sword.

Slightly intimidated by this man Duke's forehead begins to bead with sweat even in the coolness of the night. "None of this matters, my mission is clear, Misery must be extinguished from existence." Duke says solemnly as with the thumb of his sword hand pops his blade about an inch out it sheath.

"Even if it means having to defeat you." he says as he quickly draws his extremely long sword fully letting the tip of his blade rest on the ground out in front of him.

[Silence Sei]

He sighed as the youth drew his sword. Every single time Sei Orlouge was courteous enough to give somebody an out, they rebuked it and decided that a fight would be the best solution. He grabbed the bladed ring strapped to his side, removing it from its makeshift sheath. He shifted his right leg behind his body and kept his right in position, the toes on both feet pointed towards the mysterious man. Sei was not one for bloodshed, but he could not allow this man anywhere near Misery’s habitat.

“Very well then,” Sei spoke as he shifted his upper body backwards, the hand with the chakram pointed at his opponent, “Misery has never once used its abilities for evil. You are trying to extinguish the life of a creature that ‘may, one day, possibly’ be able to do something menacing. You know the beast’s name, so I had hoped you had more information on him than just what he was capable of. I am sorry to see that I was wrong in that assumption.”

Sei closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them, the wind began to blow behind him, as if the air itself were in the Mystic’s favor. He threw the chakram towards the man, but not at him. The weapon actually brushed mere inches away from his opponent’s face, instead hitting the wall behind him. There was a metallic ‘cling’ sound of metal on stone as the weapon bounced off the wall. The rebounded chakram was now heading directly for Duke’s spine. Sei sought to end this battle as quickly as it had begun, and if that meant Duke would become a possible paraplegic, so be it.

[The_Duke]

Watching his opponent, Duke stood still studying his movements in order to detect any weakness he might exploit. "What are you planning?" he thinks to himself. When Sei finally made a move removing his weapon from his side and shifting his weight onto his back foot, Duke re-angled his long sword slightly upwards if needed to defend himself for an oncoming strike. As usual Duke would let his foe make the first move so he would be able to swiftly counter attack. "Lets go then." He says.

Sei closed his eyes and let his chakram fly into the air towards Duke the wind backing his weapon, a bad omen of those on the other end of the attack. Duke still standing readied analyzing the oncoming projectile, notices that its trajectory is off and will not make contact with him, in fact it would miss without him even having to move. "What is this man doing, he cant possibly be serious." he thinks as the circular blade passes his cheek. Within seconds of it missing him Duke begins to run towards his enemy, assuming with his first attack he is a medium range fighter. In hopes that the reduced gap between them would give him an edge in combat.

Making only about ten feet of progress before he had heard the metal clinging of the chakram bouncing off the castle wall behind him. Duke turned his head slightly in response to see what had happened, when he saw the weapon now flying with deadly accuracy aimed at his back. With only moments to react Duke had plan after plan rush in and out of his head, finally he had decided. He stopped his advance and faced the wall between both Sei and his flying weapon. His free hand lift in the direction of the incoming chakram and as it approached him and was about 5 feet away a flash of radiant red light surrounded it. The flash had slowed the projectile to a manageable speed, Duke now had shifted his weight to his right foot on his sword arm's side allowing him to bring the tip of his katana up into the center of the circle blade halting it completely.

"You say that your beast should not be persecuted on what it might do, even if what it might do is the reason to dispose of it. Can you not see that my mission is one of preservation and peace?" he voice now carrying a lot of presence as if he is trying to convey a point. "This world is in constant jeopardy with its existence."

Swiftly Duke rotates twice on his right foot and with his momentum flings the chakram off his sword and directly at sei's leg.

[Silence Sei]

He watched as the intruder performed an amazing trick that slowed his chakram to the point of making it more manageable of a threat. The man talked of Misery’s potential for danger in hurting the world, and Sei merely laughed at the notion. When the Mystic met the creature, alongside William Arcus and Kyla Orlouge, the beast had actually saved the adventuring trio from death by vicious crocodile. Furthermore, the monster showed a general fondness for Arcus and Kyla both, and ever since fought with the Knights as a way of repaying their kindness.

The chakram was grabbed by the sword of his foe. He threw the weapon back at its owner, its speed back to normal. Sei grabbed at his waist, unsheathed the kusari-gama that acted as his belt, and slammed the sickle end of the weapon into the ground just as the bladed ring returned. The chakram hit the metal of the blade, and several sparks flew in every direction as the weapons clashed. After the chakram had rolled around the kusari-gama for several seconds, it fell harmlessly to the ground.

Sei removed his weapon from the dirt as his free hand grabbed the chakram and put it back in place. It seemed as though this particular opponent would require a bit more skill to defeat than the mute had given him credit for. “It is an unfounded threat. Misery had never tried to intentionally hurt anybody in his life. How can you judge something that you have never even met before today? How would you feel if I came into your house and attempted to kill one of your loved ones?”

It was more of a legitimate question than an actual threat. Sei squinted his eyes down towards the feet of the man as he awaited his answer. Though Duke could not see it, Sei was already in the process of his next move.

[The_Duke]

As the chakram flew threw the air rotating in a deadly spiral towards sei, Duke had the notion that his counter might actually be effective and hit target. But the moment that his enemy grabbed his weapon and preformed a similar trick as Duke did earlier, yet faster and without the help of a spell to slow the projectile. "He is good..." He thinks to himself as sei's chakram falls to the ground, "Really good." Duke is filled with a wave of shame as he had been showed up so easily despite his quick thinking and magic.

Listening to what sei was conveying to him, one thing is sure to Duke, that this man truly trusts the creature with all of his being. Yet that is not enough for him to yield from his mission, the mission the spirits of his homeland hand given him. "You say that this Thing is an unfound threat. But what if one day he becomes a threat what then?" he yells to sei across the courtyard from him. Secretly behind his back with his free hand he is making the necessary hand movements to summon one of his spirit magic free blades. With this already done all it would take to have a quick swipe of energy impale his enemy is just a twitch oh his fingers.

"I cannot yield until I am certain this will issue is dealt with." he yells once again to his assailant. All of his efforts to destroy this creature has not clouded his mind or emotions, all of his enemy's word had reached him and he does have a solemn respect and appreciation for this man protecting his family.

[Silence Sei]

“Whatever you are doing, I’d suggest you think twice before doing it,” Sei commented, his gaze still locked on the ground below his opponent’s feet. By now, the heat vision from the Mystic’s eyes had cleared away most of the dirt, and the metal below the ground glistened in the moonlight. The metal too, had begun to melt under the scrutiny of the Avatar of Alerar. Soon, Duke would find himself encased in steel, makeshift shackles, unable to leave from his position.

Sei sheathed his weapons as he continued to eye just below his foes feet. “Certainly you must be aware of the real threats to Althanas? The Cult of Blessed Torture? The Order of the Crimson Hand? These are assassins who seek nothing more than chaos. And yet, here you are, after one of the few innocent beings left on this planet. Your employers need to get their priorities in order.”

He could faintly see the glow of his prevalida weapons glow. The tier of metal shone a purple light all around the Mystic, a display the metal only made when magic was being used. Sei was used to the kind of glow he gave off on the metal when he used his own powers, but this was different. The light was more intense than normal, enough for Sei to catch the color in his peripheral vision. His foe was definitely up to something.

“I personally hate violence, but you leave me no choice. This is the final warning. Stand. Down.”

[The_Duke]

Duke now had realized that below him his feet had begun to sink into the earth, the top of his boots were already covered by the liquefied metal. Struggling to free himself, Duke began to pull up with his legs but managing minimal success. After he had only tired himself out from resisting, Duke stops and accepts that he had been caught. This man, this mute, who had been able to communicate better than most could, had finally halted him with not only his ideals but his metal. "You have caught me," Duke retorted to his opponent.

"I have never in all my life been stopped this easily." He says as he looks down to the ground in shame. His long white hair covering his face, sword now barley gripped in his hand. " You must have true faith with your judgment on this Misery..." his voice trailing off.

"But I cannot simply allow such power to be used so freely," Duke says as he raises his hand from behind his back, and in the palm of his hand a sphere of glimmering red energy. "This power is too powerful for this world without a catalyst to control it. If I must, I will be that catalyst." The sphere of energy flashed and disappeared, and his hand had motioned back to himself as if he had given up on his attack.

But secretly behind Sei a very large and radiant red sword appears, it is seemingly made of the same type of energy that Duke's wings are. When Duke had motioned to himself with his hand it sent a command to the energy sword and sent it soaring back to himself with his opponent dead in its path. As it quickly flies threw the air Duke still showed no sign of hostility hopping to be able to trick him into letting down his guard.

[Silence Sei]

Sei could hear the sword as it tore through the air. The Mystic stood his ground while the blade flew towards him. Just before the tip of the magical sword made contact, it stopped merely an inch from penetrating Sei’s form. The mute closed his eyes and sighed, his sentiment echoed with a chorus of shattering glass filled into the night sky. “I am sorry to say that this battle is now over.”

All around the mute’s body, fragments of glass seemed to break. The glass shards hovered in place for a few seconds around the strategist, like a dog awaiting its master’s order. Once all the glass had completely broken around his body, the magic sailed forth in a dome like formation. This was the trademark of Sei Orlouge’s people; the famous Mystic Protection spell.

The glass flew without remorse towards its trapped target. Just before the makeshift shrapnel found itself embedded in the soldier, however, something miraculous happened. A creature popped up behind the man and wrapped its tree trunk like arms around Duke. The monster had the mouth of a vertical, sewn up venus fly trap, and most of the things body was covered completely in moss. Within a fraction of a millisecond, the beast and his prey had disappeared. The glass sailed over the former position of the two harmlessly, only stopping once they hit a wall.

The duo reappeared, Duke no longer trapped into the floor of Ixian Castle’s court yard. The beast stepped back and looked towards Sei with its glowing, beady red eyes. This had been the target of Duke’s hate and the object of Sei’s familial affection. Before the two of them stood the being known as ‘Misery’.

Sei’s glance shifted over towards the knight. “Do you see now what I mean? Misery could have let you die, but he hates death, and violence above all else. Furthermore, he could have killed you right there where you stood; Thaynes know I was prepared to. You owe your life to this thing you hate so much[/i].” Sei looked into the eyes of his foe, something in the telepaths mind telling him that Duke still did not get the point.

He sighed. “If it is so important to you, than I swear on behalf of the Ixian Knights, as well as the Orlouge family name, that should Misery ever act in a way unbecoming of what we stand for, I will personally strike him down. Is that not a fair compromise? Will that get you to leave him alone?”

[The_Duke]

As Duke's final effort to take control of the situation failed to inflict any type of damage, Duke had given all he had to finish his mission. "Is this really how it ends for me?" he thinks solemnly "All this time to die here." Watching as the mystic's protection begins to break and shatter, "I guess I am not worth to protect this world." He now is standing ready for his death.

As the shards of glass flew out in every direction, a strange feeling overcame Duke as a pair of branch like arms wrap around his waist. Feeling like the universe had been pulled out him and a new one was forced in its spot. Only moments had passed but it felt like it was instant, the shards have all passed and nothing had hurt him. Astonished by what had just happened, what he had just experienced, Duke could only stare down at the branches around him. "This could not be..."

Listening to the thoughts of Sei, Duke was in awe of what hand transpired and had a turn of heart towards his enemies. "This being, in which I truly intended to destroy, had just saved my life." his face filled back with confidence. After listening to Sei's pledge to be responsible with this being's life and powers. "I will also pledge to you, Sei Orlouge, that I Duke Pantarie will no longer hunt your monster, Also that I will be an ally to you from her on." He speaks out loud to Sei across the courtyard from him.

[Silence Sei]

Sei nodded at the pledge of loyalty. He knew the pledge was not one for the Ixian Knights, but rather to the Mystic alone. In protecting his family, the mute had gained a staunch ally in this soldier with a devout sense of justice. He crossed his arms and smiled “I am humbled by your pledge, Lord Pantarie. I hope one day we will see the field of battle again, only as friends rather than enemies.”

This was a unique gift that Sei possessed; to turn heated rivals and enemy into friends. It had happened to Max Dirks, it had happened to Jensen Ambrose, and now it had happened to Duke Pantarie. Misery released a muffled howl in celebration and grabbed the swordsman in a tight hug. “That…kinda hurts…” the former stranger said of the beast, which warranted a ‘laugh’ out of Sei.

And with this, the Knights had new friends to share with in celebrations.

[Lye]

Thread Title: Ixian Castle Infiltration (Closed) (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php? 26833)
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: The Duke vs Silence Sei



Plot: 14 --- 18

Story- 6/10---7/10
Story was a driving element for this entire fight. The battle was slow, with plenty of dialogue. This served to drive home the purpose of the battle. For Duke, the “mission” he was sent on did not get enough attention throughout the thread. There was a vague understanding that some higher order sent Duke to kill Misery based on its potential to destroy. Though it was clear that Duke was committed to this cause, little was mentioned as to why he carried out his orders with such unflinching resolve. The sudden change of heart contradicted his prior convictions entirely, and this opened up even greater questions about Duke’s priorities and affiliations.

Sei’s stance was also clear in his purpose. This was rather cliché, but the presentation of the topic, “Protect my friends and family”, had tension enough to maintain engagement. Duke had more story and development potential, but Sei played his role out perfectly for the story.

Setting- 4/10---5/10
Duke, you sacrificed the opportunity to capitalize on the setting. Very little was stated in regards to where you were unless if gave Duke a location to exist in. Duke flew, landed in the courtyard, and that was it. Some things to improve in the setting score is to help the reader understand what your character is seeing. Is the castle in disrepair? Do the stone walls have vines over them? What is in the courtyard aside from the two of you? The Ixian Castle is also located in the heart of one of Althanas’s largest forests. This could have opened up a world of scenery to paint as Duke descended.

Sei used the surrounding area in his actions. He appealed to the senses through sound and imagery, but could have described the courtyard in a little better detail as well. He also used his surroundings to an advantage in his engagement with Duke. The metal floor, the wall behind duke, the slamming of his blade into the ground. There were some conflicts with the metal floor. First, what was it made from: Steel? Iron? And why is there a metal floor in a medieval castle? Seems expensive and redundant. The elements would also corrode it worse than cobblestone or dirt. This also conflicts with the weapon slamming into the ground where Sei “removed his weapon from the dirt”. Is the ground dirt, metal, or is the courtyard a mixture of the two? Sei gets points for using the setting with his actions, but loses points in the confusion and lack of clarity.

Pacing- 4/10---6/10
Both players maintained a good pace through the read in terms of action. In terms of tense, and mechanics, Duke took a severe blow. His writing flipped and flopped between a present tense and past tense. This made his posts exceedingly choppy and unclear. If that had been rectified, this score would have been level.



Character: 16 --- 19

Communication- 5/10---6/10
Duke stuck to his character’s righteous feel through the dialogue. Though the topic of discussion grew mundane, it still held interest through the two conflicting viewpoints. Some insight to Duke’s superiors and his reason for being sent there would have strengthened his argument with Sei. It also would have helped the reader know why Duke was sent and by whom. Some of Duke’s speech also became choppy or suspicious to his character, one such being: “This power is too powerful for this world without a catalyst to control it. If I must, I will be that catalyst.” Does Duke regulate powers? Does he shackle powerful beings with something to regulate them? What does this catalyst have to do with Misery? Furthermore, the usage of “power” and “powerful” so close to one another detracted from the noble persona Duke established in prior conversation. A different application of word usage would have rectified this.

Sei had strong dialogue for his role. It was clear that he was confident in his power and adequately performed to that expectation. Sei was unyielding, strong, yet compassionate. All of this was apparent through speech alone. Little was mentioned as to Sei’s dress or apparel, but word choice alone helped give the reader a mental image. There was one noticeable error, but it was a mechanical error where some dialogue was not italicized.

Action-5/10---6/10
In regards to combat strategies, both players were equally met. Unfortunately, an issue arose with the sinking of Duke in molten metal. This may be an ability in his character sheet, but nothing eluded to why he was not in exceptional agony over sinking into super heated metal. This alone would have set cloth ablaze even if there was an immunity to fire. Some details aside from “Is this really how it ends for me?” would have been beneficial.

Aside from issues in the setting area, Sei stated what he could and could not do relatively clear.

Persona- 6/10---7/10
Each character had a strong presence. This added to the tension of their conflict. Full persona is hard to extract during a short scene like this thread, but both players did well. The only weakness fell on the change of heart Duke had near the end. Though it is understandable in a sense, it didn’t match his prior convictions to murder Misery. If the beast was truly believed to be evil, it’s power of deception could be a factor as well. Sei helped to erase worry about it going on a rampage, but the change of heart still seemed a little rapid.



Prose: 11 --- 18

Mechanics- 3/10---7/10
Duke lost most of his points here. Tense changes from present to past, mixed with misspelled words, or incorrect conjugations of words, caused a maelstrom of confusion through the read. Certain sentences needed crucial commas or periods such as this one: “I believe I have made it without being detected now it is time to destroy this Misery creature.” There needs to be a period after “detected” and a comma after “creature” instead of a period since the words after indicated a speaker. The word “monologues” was used as a verb, and no dictionary states that it can be used as such. Certain instances of “Sei” were not capitalized as well. The content is there, but it needs the proper punctuation and format.

Sei had few mechanical errors. Some fragments were used and the occasional comma was missing. There was also a missing italics tag which botched the format for one of Sei’s thoughts. In post eight, the use of “metal” was too close to one another and this disrupted the flow.

Clarity- 4/10---5/10
The above commentary all makes references to clarity. Sei had conflicts with the ground being metal versus soil. Duke needed more clarity as to his “mission” and who sent him on it. Flip flopping in tense really hurt the clarity of the read.

Technique- 4/10---6/10
Duke’s writing holds the potential to show some great flair. The weakness lies in the mechanics. Without a good structure, techniques cannot shine. Either stick with present tense (which would be unique for Althanas and difficult to pull off) or stick with the past tense. There were some points of potential imagery with the glow of Duke’s attacks. This could be capitalized to help describe the setting and earn higher scores in both areas. Common literary techniques also add some interest (simile, metaphor, personification, etc).

Sei, the little attempt at reaching out to the audience was a nice touch. By that, I am referring to the “Fluffy” line. It adds a personal element to the writing and reaches out to the more sensitive side of the reader. No one wants something “fluffy” to be slaughtered. The imagery when Mystic Protection went off was also very strong. Keep exercising those literary techniques to give the writing more vibrancy.



Wildcard: 8 --- 8

Duke is getting a matching wildcard with Sei. The potential for a much better read was there and hindered by the mechanics. Additional details would be nice, but you are just getting started. Keep up the work and I look forward to seeing your improvements.



Final Score: 49---63

Silence Sei (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?30) Wins!:


5,225 EXP!
76 GP!

Congratulations!


The Duke (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17344) Receives:


950 EXP!
38 GP!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!