The Labyrinthine

[Séreméla]

((In a small tavern in a small village on the outskirts of Knife's Edge))



Séreméla awoke to the cold chill of the icy harsh winds of Salvar blowing through the window next to her table she had fallen asleep on and the sound of voices at the table next to her.

“…Did you hear the news?” a man began to say.

“What news hun?” A woman’s voice, a waitress no doubt.

“The last big storm we had caused a rock slide up by Ahyark Mountains.”

“…yeah, and? What about it?” The lady didn’t seem too interested in the information only because there are always rock falls after a storm in the mountains.

Séreméla could tell the man had pulled the girl close from the way the woman giggled. Séreméla’s hand reached down for her drink and took a swig. Her interests began to peak for the conversation at the next table.

“Listen closely now, they say that it opened up some ancient tunnels. Centuries ago they used the tunnels for a series of underground tombs. Great religious figures were buried there with their most valued treasures.”

“Oh really now, well then let me guess. You’re going there…and…going to bring me back something nice right?” Her laugh was annoying Séreméla’s ears but she was more interested in what the man was talking about rather than shutting the girl up.

He had a deep laugh and continued with his story. “No no no, I’m too old to make that kind of journey at this time of year. The next big storm should be coming soon and I’d fear that those rocks will move again and trap me in for good. And I wouldn’t want to live out my life in an old tunnel without first having had a night with you.” He laughed again and their laughter blended together.

Séreméla’s mind began to fill with ideas but she knew something was left out of the story. She just couldn’t ask the man to continue without revealing that she had been ease dropping on the conversation.

She looked down at her drink then finished it in one gulp. Where can I get more information on this. She wondered.

Another cold burst of air came through the window as she swore at the person who had left it open and at herself for being too lazy to get up and close it. She placed her glass down and got up from her seat.

To Knife’s Edge. She thought to herself and headed for the door. She was dreading the cold wind, but her mind was made up. She needed a good adventure anyway.

[Séreméla]

The journey between towns seemed long and lonely in the icy wind. She knew though that if she wanted to find out just what was up in the mountains, she would have to endure worse. A faint outline of the large wall that surrounds Knife’s Edge was in the distance and it warmed her to know that she was getting closer.

Séreméla finally reached the mainland gate and looked up at the guard tower. Several guards were watching her as she moved. She began to feel uneasy as she looked to her sides to see piles of bones and rotting corpses lined against the wall. Her first instinct was to merely turn around and forget about what the man had said in the tavern. She began to turn her body and walk away when an arm shot out and grabbed her from behind.

She tried to struggle, but the feel of a cold metal pressed against her throat stopped all movement from her. A harsh raspy voice in her ear began to speak.

“Now, now, what’s such a pretty thing like you doing coming near my gate, hmm?”

“Malek, you will release her at once. You know the rules; she has shown no actions of hostility.” Another more authoritive voice said from farther back. The metal pulled away from her throat and her body was released. Séreméla turned around to see two men wearing heavy chain mail and long fur type armors. One was kept up better than the other, oblivious the one who had ordered the release.

“I apologize for that ma’am; you see Malek is kind of….let’s just say he likes to jump the gun.”

“It’s alright I guess,” Séreméla said looking around at the corpses again, “Seems to be expected around here.”

“Yes, well that may be but you don’t seem like much of a threat to our large city. Now down to business. What has brought you here to the gates of Knife’s Edge?”

She looked up and around suddenly noticing the numbers of guards around had doubled. Glancing at all of them she began to speak in a worried voice. “I…I, heard about the rock fall at Ahyark Mountains and that it unearthed some tombs. I just wanted to know more about it.” Some of the guards from above began to laugh, and then quickly collected themselves when the man she was speaking to looked up at them.

“Well, I’m not going to lie to you. You might as well drop it and leave it alone. We are right now working on forming a party to go and recover the tombs from a couple of raiders and add them to our town’s lovely exterior. But it is being postponed due to the upcoming weather. And…”

“Then can I join the party?” She interrupted then quickly shut her mouth releasing what she had done. More of the men began to laugh at her question then were silenced.

“Silly girl, only guards are allowed to take on this task. It’d be best for you to just go home and go back to your own silly little adventures.” The man was now haphazardly laughing to himself as the other guards joined in realizing it was okay this time.

There wasn’t much Séreméla could do or say to convince them to let her join. There laughter, however, was muted out in her mind as she began to replay everything back in her mind.

So raiders have occupied the area, and a party of guards will be leaving after the weather dies down to take it back. That should leave me enough time to figure out just what are in the tombs.

Séreméla smiled to herself then turned around and walked away from the gates. She knew she didn’t have a whole lot of time to gather supplies for the journey to the mountains and figured they would probably not allow her to go through the town to the Vogruk-Stokes Company Estate after she had told them she wanted to go to Ahyark Mountains.

She began walking east along the large wall as more and more guards watched from above with steady eyes.

[Séreméla]

((Bazaar Transaction (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?p=37515#post37515)))


Séreméla finally reached the border of the Vogruk-Stokes Company Estate. The two guards at the entrance looked more fierce than the ones from Knife's Edge, but they didn't say a word to her. They moved aside and allowed her to pass, then closed the gap behind her.

She looked around at the many small shops around the area. The smell of the salty ocean tickled her nose making her aware of it's presence. Masts from large ships could be seen over many of the shops. People were moving about in front of her from shop to shop trying to find the best deals.

Séreméla began to walk over to a shop and opened the door. The warmth from within made her realize just how cold the outside was.

The shop keep was just finishing with another customer when Séreméla walked up to the counter. She looked at him with a sweet smile trying to get the best kind of deal she could with her looks and began to talk.

"Hi there, I'm looking for some items and I was wondering if you could help me get them?" She decided not to wait for his reply, she knew it was always better to keep talking and not let them haggle her. "I need something of a coat. It needs to be light-weight, but warm. And I also need some matches and a few oil soaked rags on a stick for lighting. So what do you say? Can you help me?” She looked the man straight in the eyes as the blue in her own eyes began to brighten.

"Well then," the shopkeeper said, smiling at the girl. He pointed towards the other part of the shop. "Go pick one out, I don't know your size. As for the rags and matches. Just grab a cheap shirt or two over there, and I'll give some matches and pil to you." He paused, then added, "Where're you headed anyway?"

Séreméla turned around and looked at the rack of coats. She walked over and ran her fingers through the different fabrics then picked out a jet black body-length thin-furred coat and put it on. A warm sensation instantly came over her. She took it off and folded it over her arm then continued looking around.

A small table in the corner of the store housed piles of old and tattered shirts. She picked up six of them then came to the counter and placed the items down. Séreméla quickly turned back around knowing she forgot something.

She looked around trying to ignore the question the shop keep had asked and spotted what she was looking for. She walked over to another table and picked up a leather backpack and placed it on the counter with all of the other items.

She looked at the shop keep and smiled. “Nowhere special, just up to the Ahyark Mountains.” She muttered the last part looking around. “So how much for the coat, back pack, old shirts, oil and matches?” She asked trying to change the subject.

"Huh," the shopkeeper replied, wondering why she would want to go up there. He didn't know much of whatever she wanted up in that region, but it wasn't his place to question. "80 gold total. 10 for the matches and shirts, and 30 for the back pack and coat."

Séreméla looked at the shopkeep square in the eyes. "80, huh? And how much to get a few sticks to wrap the shirts around? I only have 5 more gold pieces and I need atleast 3. It doesn't matter what kind of wood...Just any old scraps you have laying around would be very very helpful." She said with a sweet voice. She knew she had more than a total 85 but she wanted to save atleast some of her money, but she knew if it came down to it she would use it all to make it to the mountain and find out really what was inside of the uncovered tomb.

"Fair enough, there's a couple by the fireplace, jus take two or three on your way out," the shopkeeper replied. "So total of 82 gold, fair?"

Séreméla smiled and placed her money on the counter then picked up the items and put them in her new bag. "Thank you very much." She said as she walked by the fireplace picking up three pieces of wood then walked out of the door.

[Séreméla]

Séreméla walked out of the shop with more items and less money than she felt she needed, but she knew that being up in the mountains before a big storm would be worth what she had spent. The running about of the Estate had died down a little as the day began to wind down. She could see the setting of the sun as the light slowly dimmed behind one of the walls. Séreméla became aware of the nighttime cold coming up fast as she wrapped herself in her new coat and walked down the way with the sound of nothing more than her footsteps on the stone below her.

Tomorrow, she would start her journey to the Ahyark Mountains, but for now she would have to find some shelter.

At the edge of the Estate was an all night tavern where many of the workers went after close. It seemed that there, she would find her shelter and probably sleep another night on a table in the back corner.

Séreméla opened the door and was greeted with the warmth of a burning fire and a quiet setting. The tavern wasn’t at all what she had expected. The night before she had been surrounded by drunks, fighters, and prostitutes sitting at flimsy tables drinking from dirty glasses, smoking and laughing loud; but this tavern was different. People were sitting on nice red oak chairs drinking from crystal clear glasses. Seeing this Séreméla felt slightly uncomfortable and began to walk out.

“Now child, you can’t be out at night in this cold, you come and sit with us and have yourself a drink.” An elderly voice called out to her.

She looked in the direction of the voice and saw a small plump white-haired woman getting up from her seat and quickly moved behind the bar. Séreméla followed the woman to the counter and sat down quietly.

“Well, what will it be deary? Something warm or something strong?” The woman asked with a sweet voice.

“Warm please.” Séreméla said while pulling out a few gold pieces and placing them on the counter.

The old lady poured her drink and placed it in front of her but left the money where it is. “Wouldn’t be right of me to take y’er money on a cold night like this. Enjoy deary.” Then the lady moved out from behind the counter and took her seat back by the fire. Séreméla could hear the people talking but didn’t pay much attention to what was going on. She took a drink out of her glass and immediately felt a warm feeling pass through her body.

Her eyes slowly became heavy as the night passed on and her glass emptied. And soon, she laid her head down on the counter and drifted to sleep.

[Séreméla]

The voice of the old lady woke Séreméla out of her sleep. Her groggy expression soon changed to alarm when she realized there was light coming through the windows of the tavern. Séreméla quickly got off of her spot at the bar and began to walk out of the tavern.

“You forgot your money deary.” The old lady called to her.

Séreméla looked back with a smile and kindly said, “It’s payment for my bed.” As she went through the doors. She quickly wrapped herself in her new coat and began to head north towards the mountain range. The light from the sun revealed that it was midmorning and the warmth from it made the chilly wind seem more bearable. Most of the scenery around was covered in a thick blanket of snow and ice. As she walked on she fell upon a few patches of frozen ground causing her to stumble here and there.

The sounds of the wind rustling through the branches made Séreméla turn her head every so often to make sure she wasn’t being followed. She still wasn’t sure how long she had before the guards began their journey and how long she had before the true form of the upcoming storm hit.

An hour or so went by before she finally sat down and took a rest with her back against a tree trunk hiding from the cold. Slowly her eyes began to close. She smacked herself and awoke quickly.

I can’t fall asleep here or I’ll die. Séreméla said to herself. She began to stand up from her huddled spot but slipped and fell backwards. She didn’t realize she was sitting on a hill and began to slide down a slight slope.

She reached the bottom with no visible injuries and began to stand up when she realized where she was. Looking below her feet Séreméla saw a large fish swim underneath the thick ice she was standing on; one of the great streams that formed the Testhan River. She looked up to where the stream was flowing from, and before her in the distance clearly visible even through the ever-increasing snow and wind, the Ahyark Mountains. She gazed on the beauty of the white-covered peaks.

Séreméla could barely believe she had made it this far. Now, it was time to find out just what was hidden in those great mountains.

[Séreméla]

As Séreméla grew closer to the mountains, she spotted a light gray moving tower leading to the sky. She could smell the strong aroma of burning wood in the air.

That must be where the raiders are camping out. Must be right at the entrance of the tomb. Séreméla’s excitement began to grow as she quietly began to sneak through the trees and snow-covered bushes, inching closer to the camp. When she felt that the camp was just behind the next bush, she pulled her elven sword out and readied it for battle.

The crackling of the burning wood seemed quite loud, and then Séreméla realized that it was the only sound being made. No sound of talking, or laughing, or of even sleeping. Cautiously she poked her head around the large bush between her and the camp and looked upon an empty campsite. She walked around the bush and into the encampment looking around for any sign of them. All that was around were a few pots and pans, some blankets, and a few pieces of wood lying out of the fire beside it. The fire was about to go out and the smoke she had seen from far away seemed to have died down.

The camp seemed to have been left untouched for a few hours, the snow had covered any tracks from the raiders. A chill came over Séreméla even through her warm coat, but she knew this wasn’t a cold chill. Something wasn’t right here. She saw the opening of a roughly shaped door just past the last blanket.

Séreméla picked up three more pieces of wood and then pulled the other pieces out of her bag along with the shirts and laid them on the blanket then began to wrap the shirts around each of the sticks. Once they were all done, Séreméla poured some oil on one and put the rest back in her bag and pulled out her matches. She struck the match to the box and the smell of sulfur immediately invaded her nose. She placed the match on the oil-soaked shirt and it lit almost instantly.

The bright flame from the torch lit the area and Séreméla could see a few feet into the tunnel. The stone walls looked rough, but sparkled in the light from the minerals within the rock. She stood up and began to walk towards the entrance. It seemed as though there was a warm air softly blowing out of the doorway.

Séreméla gripped her sword tightly in her right arm and did the same with the torch in the left, then began her journey into the mouth of the tomb.

[Séreméla]

The sound of dripping water from melting snow seemed to echo throughout all of the dark tunnels. Séreméla’s torch cast an eerie shadow down the path. The floor below her was made of the same rough rock that created the walls, and a musky smell filled the air. It was obvious that the man in the tavern was right. These tunnels had been buried for centuries. Her heart began to race as the thought of being one of the first people to enter such a place in so many years.

Her entire body was on alert, she still had seen no clue other than an empty camp of the raiders and the silence was making her anxious. Séreméla turned back looking at the entrance one last time before she finally took her first turn around a corner. She watched as the bright outline of the outside world disappeared.

Séreméla was now surrounded by a small circle of light and then pitch black. Her nose began to get use to the smell of old and forgotten ruins. A low-pitched sound rumbled suddenly through the tunnels. Séreméla froze in her tracks and quickly spun around pointing her sword and torch in front of her and behind. A warm air blew in from both sides of her. She began to try and figure out which way she had come from. From the spinning and the air on both sides she had lost her bearings.

A low dark voice echoed off the rock walls in an old language chant.

Tysti thys pas shasos eil paerysia si jhori*

The phrase echoed continuously growing in volume until it began to hurt Séreméla’s ears forcing her to drop her sword and torch and cover her ears.

Then the voice stopped and silence was heard again. Séreméla carefully uncovered her ears and picked up her sword then torch, inspecting to make sure that the water on the ground didn’t effect the flame. Luckily all was well with it. The low sound from the voice began again quietly and quickly grew into a high-pitched sound all around her as all along the wall unseen torches began to light every five or so feet. The flames from the torches grew rapidly to great heights then, along with the voice, died down to a normal light.

She looked down the now lit paths and another rumbling from within came through the tunnels. She watched as both directions began to change shapes. The walls began to twist and turn causing a new path between her and any hope of escaping. Her mind began to spin as the walls stopped, blocking off both ends and opening a new hole a few feet away from her.

Séreméla’s body began to shake from fear. Whatever she had walked into, it didn’t seem like it was going to let her go easily. Her stomach began to churn at the thought of what was happening.

Now she knew why the raiders were nowhere to be found, they were lost within the tomb’s tunnels.

Séreméla put out her torch on the ground and placed it back in her bag, then placed her sword back in its sheath. She knew that with such close quarters her sword was her best defense, but she knew her strength came from her bow and her mother’s necklace. She reached down and felt the cool crystal in her fingers and closed her eyes for a moment remembering her home. A single tear fell down her cheek when she thought that it was the last time to ever see her parents.

The crystal in her hand began to grow warm. Séreméla opened her eyes and looked down at it. The clear crystal began to glow with an evil black color. Her eyes widened at the sight, then she quickly released it from her hand letting it dangle around her neck and took her bow and a single arrow out. She readied her weapon and slowly began to walk towards her new path. Looking around the corner, she saw nothing but an endless row of torches lighting her path.

She walked into the new hall and began to travel down it, hearing the wall behind her close. She clinched her bow tightly and kept the arrow ready for use on the string. The sound of other walls moving made her look from side to side as new passageways opened all around her. There were now dozens of open holes in the wall, all waiting for her to venture through.

Looking behind her to make sure her back was covered she turned to one of the holes and held her breath as she went through.

*Come forth dark warriors and destroy the life

[Séreméla]

The tunnel went on it seemed like forever before another turn came up. As Séreméla went around the corner, the wall closed up again. Something was pushing her right where it wanted. She realized her bow and arrow wasn’t going to help when the walls kept moving making new obstacles to go around. She put up her weapon and once again pulled out her sword.

Séreméla felt sweat running down the side of her face. It almost seemed as if the tomb was heating up and it began to make it hard to breathe. Suddenly, all of the walls moved quickly out making a large square room. There were no openings left on any of them. She was trapped inside.

She could feel the heat from the crystal on her neck as the jewel began to glow once more a black evil color. Séreméla began to hear a faint scraping sound of metal on rock coming closer and closer all around her. She steadied herself and took her bow in the hand with her sword and placed an arrow on the string. There was enough room now to shoot accurately. It was the first time she had ever held both the sword and her bow in the same hand, and made it hard to compensate for the weight.

A single segment of the wall turned open on all four sides of her. Séreméla’s heart began to race as the crystal’s glow began to slightly burn her skin. The scraping sound now echoed through the four pathways. A dark shadow was cast over all of the torches that lit the ways. Her eyes widened as the creatures that cast the shadows walked through the doorways.

Four human-sized mummified drows glared at Séreméla through torn shrouds. Around all of their shoulders were large golden armor plates with ancient symbols engraved on them. And in each of their hands, they carried large hook-like metal swords stained with fresh blood.

They killed the raiders! Séreméla thought to herself in shock. She felt her stomach tighten up with a sickness as she saw that one of the blades still had a piece of skin hanging from it. The loud voice from before reverberated through the passageways once again in the same chilling chant.

The four guardians raised their blades in a battle stance and stared deep into Séreméla’s eyes. The necklace was now searing her skin, but she was forced to ignore it. Cautiously, Séreméla pulled another arrow out and placed the second one on the string above the other. She knew if she had any chance at all, Deadeyes would be her best bet.

The creatures realized her attack stance and began to roar loudly at her. Their sounds echoed off of the walls.

Séreméla took a deep breath and pulled back the arrows, concentrating on the creature in front, and to the left of her realizing that her sword was in her right hand and that it would be easier to reflect the other two.

A thought came to her mind. A combination of her Deadeyes, and the Earth Arrows might allow her to at least run through one of the open holes that hadn’t closed yet behind the creatures. Her concentration grew as she heard the creatures begin to move ever so closer to her.

Her two Deadeyes arrows began to glow a bright green and vines grew out of the wood. Time seemed to slow down as Séreméla released the two arrows into the room. The speed of the room came to a crawl, as the arrows sliced through the air. They began to split paths as they headed to their respectable targets. The ground below the arrows erupted as if something was tearing through the ground at the two creatures.

As the arrows collided with the creatures, time sped up again to normal pace. The two flew back slightly and stumbled to the ground. Séreméla quickly ran towards the one in front of her and jumped over it, feeling the air from its blade barely miss her leg. The sound of the walls moving made her speed to the entrance as the doorway began to close. She moved with an elfish quickness and made it through the hole just as it closed behind her.

The sound of the metal from the creatures’ swords slamming into the now wall made a loud ping sound and the wall shook. They began to roar behind the rock. Their yells of anger made Séreméla stop for a second to look behind her, making sure the door wasn’t open again. Then she began to run again down the tunnel, turning every chance she got in hopes of finding a way out.

She knew it wasn’t going to be long before they found her again. She only prayed it would be a one on one battle. Then she might have a chance.

[Séreméla]

Séreméla’s legs began to get tired from running. She stopped for a moment and leaned against one of the walls. In the distance she could hear the walls changing back and forth. She reached down to feel her necklace and where it had burned her. The natural color had come back to the crystal, but a dark red indention was left on her neck where it burned. She collapsed to her knees with the overwhelming realization that she was going to die alone here in these tunnels.

After some time on the ground, she picked herself up and looked up and down the tunnel she was in.

Something was different about the walls, she couldn’t figure out quite what it was but there was something. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to visualize all of the other walls she had seen. A flash of images blew through her mind as she did.

A single point on all of the walls that opened into doors had different symbols on them. She couldn’t read what the symbols were, but some walls had the same one. The different symbols must mean in what direction they led! Séreméla sighed in relief with the thought of some sort of direction to go. But she didn’t know which symbols led where.

She began to count in her mind trying to figure out just how many there were. Six, six symbols in all. She counted. Six completely different directions she now had to figure out just to get free of this place, but at least now she had a start. The walls once again changed directions. Séreméla had to make up her mind about which symbol to follow.

She turned to one of the symbols and stared at it for a few seconds then went through the doorway. Like before, it closed behind her and she was left with no way to go but forward through the long passageway.

As she began to walk cautiously down the tunnel her necklace began to glow again with an evil blackness. The heat burned the skin deeper than it was before. She wanted to take it off, but she felt as if it was a warning of sorts for what was around her.

The sound of her mother’s voice sang through her mind like that of an angel as Séreméla remembered when her mother had given it to her.

Now Séreméla, always keep my necklace close to you dear. It may protect you on your journeys into the world. Just remember to pay attention to the colors. With each color there is a presence, and with each person the colors are different.

The sound of her mother’s voice made a tear roll down her cheek. She knew her mother was right now. The black meant Drows were near, and she had taken the wrong symbol out.

[Séreméla]

Séreméla turned to the wall she had walked through and tried desperately to open it again by pushing at it and hitting it. Her heart was racing as the sound of the scraping metal against rock echoed louder and louder. She put her back to the wall and stared at the end of the tunnel waiting for it to walk around the corner. There was nowhere to run or hide; she was trapped alone in this tunnel with one of those creatures.

Its gold armor was the first thing she saw. The glimmer of torches along the walls made it seem like the armor was glowing. Its eyes caught hers as the stared at each other without a movement. A faint outline of a main symbol was on the center of the armor. She knew now what the symbols represented; the four creatures, the exit, and something else. Whatever these things guarded, that was the last symbol. And whatever it was, it was important.

The creature’s roar interrupted her thinking. Both of its blades were now in battle position. Séreméla backed off of the wall and steadied her own blade. The steel of her sword shimmered just as brilliantly as the creature’s blades. She figured this meant they were made from the same type of metal. She only hoped that hers would last longer.

It began to move down the hallway towards her with and evil glare. It spun its blades as if it were going to cut her into little pieces. Séreméla slowly moved to the creature as its own speed was closing the gap quickly between them. She had no real plan of attack; she just didn’t want to be pinned to a wall.

Their blades collided with an almost evil hiss. Both blades changed colors with each hit. The battle of the righteous elves and the evil elves were even in their own weapons. It pushed and swung furiously at every limb of her body, but was met each time with her steel. It had been awhile since she had attacked someone else so she knew her defenses were stronger than her offenses.

One of the creature’s blades grazed her up shoulder, tearing lightly at her clothing and leaving an almost burn mark along the opening, but luckily there was no blood drawn. Séreméla stumbled back then caught herself just in time to block another attack.

The creature let out another roar and swung both blades violently at her head. She ducked and dodged them by mere inches as she felt the wind from them above her. Both blades had so much force in them that they stuck into nearby walls. This was her chance to finally take a hold of this battle. Séreméla plunged her blade deep into the creature’s stomach, right below the armor’s edge and twisted the handle.

Its yell however, seemed one of annoyance and anger rather than defeat. She pulled the blade out quickly, just as the creature freed its blades from the wall. Her sword was covered in nothing more than old ancient dust. Her eyes widened as the creature came at her full throttle and rammed her with its shoulder towards a wall.

Just as she was about to make impact with the rock, the wall moved back and opened into a hole which she flew threw, slamming into another wall. Her breath was knocked out of her for a moment as she opened her eyes looking through the hole at the creatures glare. It started for her, but then the doorway closed again, leaving her yet again alone in another tunnel.

The sound of the creature’s blades scratching at the wall echoed in the silent tunnel. Séreméla tried to pull herself up from where she had landed, but her entire body was sore and barely mobile. Her breathing came back to normal as she stared at the wall between her and the creature.

There is nothing I can do to kill them. They are just dust, and nothing more. she put her head down and curled her knees close to her body as she began to cry to herself.

[Séreméla]

Séreméla heard the scratching from the wall stop. It must be trying to find another way to get to me. She knew she couldn’t just sit there and wait for it she had to move soon. She pulled herself together and stood up looking down both ways of the tunnel. A sharp pain shot through her back from the impact of the wall. She leaned against the wall and began walking along it slowly. She felt as if her back was about to become a giant bruise from slamming into the wall the way she did.

A sudden sound of scampering feet behind her made Séreméla turn around quickly. As she turned she lost balance and fell to the ground. A thin layer of dust exploded around her and settled back down on top of her. The sound grew louder around her as if hundreds of tiny feet were surrounding her. Séreméla quickly jumped to her feet as most of the ground around her turned black.

Large beetle-type creatures gathered around her and stopped making a circle around her. None of them moved, they just stared at her. Cautiously she pulled one of the snuffed out torches from her bag and lit it with a wall torch near her. As the flame grew the bugs moved back all at once watching her every move. They began to hiss at her with an evil sound.

The loud voice she had heard earlier before the drows showed up echoed through the halls again.

Jhaeli case sai ti

Séreméla started to put the torch closer to the ground in an attempt to get a passageway through them. Some of them moved while other burned in her path, but all the while they never attacked her. They just continued their hisses and kept a semicircle around her from behind.

When she reached the end of them and they were now all behind her, she took another torch out and lit it. Using both of them, she made a small wall of fire behind her and the bugs stopped just at the edge. She wondered to herself why they hadn’t attacked her, but she really just wanted to get away from them for now. Leaving the two torched on the ground, the pulled one off of the wall and began to walk away from the creatures, but as she took the one from the wall out of its holder the ground beneath her opened up.

She fell through the opening and slammed into a large pile of sand causing her to drop the torch.

Leave her to me.

[Séreméla]

Séreméla’s mouth and nose were invaded by the thick sand. She began to suffocate as she tried to pull herself out, but it just made her go deeper down. A hand wrapped its fingers in her hair and began to pick her up out of the sand. She grabbed the hand in attempt to stop the pain of her hair, but the hand pulled her completely out of the sand and off of her feet. She screamed as she felt no ground beneath her and opened her eyes to look at what had grabbed her.

One of the undead drows stared back at her with evil eyes. She tried to kick at the creature, but this drow was much larger than the other four she had already faced. Then she realized that the torch she though was snuffed out when she dropped it was only aiding in the casting of large dark shadows around her.

Nine large drows surrounded her, all with the same evil glare as the one that held her. She stopped kicking and knew that she had no chance at winning this battle. The drow that had a hold on her began to move past the others. Séreméla saw a large crystal altar with ancient symbols all along its surface. The creature threw her down in front of it as the other drows moved back in a circle around her and the altar. They all began to chant in their ancient tongue. A dark light formed on the altar and grew into the shape of an even larger drow. As they finished their chant the light disappeared and the great drow glared down at Séreméla.

“(1) O cali tadi air thasaes sal si oraes.
Eil thys sar o shor shi vaerdasaer.
Os vaerdas shor shi os jhori eir tia mali…”

Séreméla stared at the creature in fright not able to understand what it was saying. She suddenly felt something wrap around her wrists. She looked down and her eyes were met with the eyes of two large glowing cobras. They hissed at her as she tried to shake them off. Their mouths moved closer to her arms, as their jars opened wide and buried their teeth into her upper arms. She screamed in pain as she felt the venom being injected into her and flow through her veins.

She began to lose feeling in her body as the snakes released her. The words the creature had said before were now being replayed in her mind, and this time she could understand the old language.

“ (2) Os thos sar eir tia mali shor shi sai thol tia jhyr vyrdaes mai sar Ai tae jhaeli so sys
O cali olio s sai vaeres sai ti shor shar Ai eir os o, os si vyryl sar shar ailaelaer ail os shydia shor cor o.”

The drow moved away from the altar, and sitting on the altar was an old book.

“ (3) Saji sor eil jhaeli, sher cyrn o shor shi sharaer.”

Séreméla began to feel her body again. She stood up and cautiously walked up to the altar and picked up the book. She used her hand to wipe away the layer of dust to reveal another symbol. She opened the book to the cover and saw a complete map of Althanas. The map however showed no towns or cities except for one; the Liviol Sanctum on Scara Brae. The symbol however was that of a large tower. Séreméla remembered from the books she had read at home that there in the sanctum was an old tower guarded by a monster unlike any other. No one she knew had ever been there.

She quickly looked up from the book to see what the drows were doing, but the room was empty. They had all disappeared and left nothing of their mark save the two pairs of fang marks on her arms.

Séreméla closed the book and placed it in her bag, then went over to her torch and picked it up. She held it high in the air to see if there was a way out of the room. The walls were covered with the same symbols as the level above it only they didn’t move like the others. She walked up to one and was able to read it thanks to the cobra poison. The symbol read ‘exit’. She pushed against the wall as it slowly gave way to her force.

There was a steep walkway heading up, and at the end of it, one of the other walls opened up to reveal light. She began to make her way towards the outside world she had thought she would never see again when the loud roar of the voice once again echoed through the tunnels.

" (4) O shor shi sharaer"

Séreméla understood and walked into the light of the day and the cold wind of Salvar’s mountainous region. The raider’s camp was now nearly covered in a layer of snow. She thought back on what had happened to her then pulled out the book again. She stared at the cover for some time trying to think of what the symbol meant. She knew she had seen it somewhere in her life, but couldn’t remember where.

She opened the book past the map and was met with a single writing on one page.

(5) Tysti shas sai ti

As she read the ancient passage her mind absorbed the words. She flipped through the other pages, but they were all empty.

Séreméla placed the book back in her bag and began to head towards the Testhan River. She knew its path would lead her to open water where she could find a boat and make her way to Scara Brae. She felt the puncture wounds from the snakes and knew she didn’t have much time. Whatever this power was, if she wanted to live she would have to find it and bring it back.


1You have made it farther than the others. And for that you will be rewarded. Your reward will be your life as my slave
2 Your first task as my slave will be to find my lost power so that I may leave this tomb. You have one year to return to me with what I ask of you, or the poison that was injected in your body will kill you.
3 Take this and leave, but know you will be watched.
4 You will be watched.
5 Come back to me

((Note: Spoils are to be approved by Ashiakin and Sighter Tnailog only, due to the nature of the spoils and the fact that the quest was assigned (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=2584) by Ashiakin. Sighter has to approve the map and what it leads to because he is the person who handles the information that it holds. Not to say that the judge can't approve it. It is just that the spoils have been discussed with both of them and it is up to Sighter if the map stays or goes.

Spoils: The Ancient Book of Elvish Magick
A book containing hundreds of Elvish phrases, rituals and spells. The trick to the book is that the user must be experienced enough to release the written work out on the paper. With no experience all the pages in the book are blank. As experience grows more spells are revealed within.

Current Spells:
Recall (Tysti shas sai ti): Séreméla is able to retrieve her arrows after being fired if they were not used as element arrows if they are within a twenty foot circle around her.

Map Locations of The Lost Books of Elessar Arnatuilë [The Eternal Tap]
On the inside cover of the book are locations to The Lost Books of Elessar Arnatuilë. In total, there are six lost books spread out over Althanas. Right now only a single location is revealed, in the Liviol Sanctum. Only after collecting a book, will the next location be revealed. Once combined and placed in order the books will be the complete ritual to create the magical substance Adamantine.))

[Storm Veritas]

OK, I’ll do the judgment, and hand the spoils decision over to Adam and/or Madison. I thought that by and large this was a very good little quest; it was fast paced and exciting, with a lot of creativity. It had a Dean Koontz feel all the way through, which is a blessing and a curse. I thought that you were very effective in immersing me, making me buy into it and want to read more, and I also felt that it was wrapped up FAR too quickly. Since this is the first of a series of quests (or so it seems), that’s quite ok, and it serves as an effective cliffhanger. Nicely done!


Story(15)


Continuity: - 5 The story seems to fall in line with what you’ve done before, but for a better continuity score it would help to imply these abilities you have. Not knowing what the different types of arrow-based attacks are (such as “Deadeyes” or “Earth Arrows”) the reader has to go back to your profile to know what is going on. That is not a good thing! Remember that you want to draw the reader in, and facilitating an easy read means re-examining your ability briefly is helpful.

A perfect example comes into play with your necklace. You did a good job of explaining what it was, where it came from, and what it does. This is exactly the correct way to implement continuity into your writing. Good work!

Setting: - 6 Very good, by and large it was easy to follow this quest and picture where you were situated. You weren’t overly descriptive, and there were times when a bit more detail would help, but I was very happy with this for the most part. I also was a big fan of the way that you used multiple senses to convey setting. Sight, smell, sound, even touch – all critical elements. This is something that is often overlooked and I thought that incorporating these different items was important.

My only complaint is that there is some repetition early on in this quest. You describe the cold of Knife’s Edge repeatedly. Once is sufficient, twice hammers home the point. More than that and it gets a bit much. Nitpicky, to be sure, because setting was executed very well on the grand scheme.

Pacing: - 4 Probably your weakest point, as I described above. I thought that there were times when you race ahead where you should slow down (perhaps to build drama with the approaching drow, or describe your voyage) and parts where I thought your pace was picture perfect. There is a good chance this is due to my affinity for longer stories, but consistency is the item you need to keep in mind. A good, fast paced quest is terrific, but if you slow to describe flashbacks or internalize (which is always a good idea) it takes away from your fervent pace. Also, the last post really included the end of rising action, your entire climax, and your resolution, all cranked out in a fashion that seemed rushed to me.


Character (18)


Dialogue: - 6 Sometimes great, other times good. I thought the dialogue between Seremela (don’t know how to do those accents) and the guards was excellent, but some of the flashback dialogue from her mother was very matter of fact and plain. Since there wasn’t much dialogue in this quest (the nature of the quest dictates that; it isn’t a detraction), it’s really hard to break down and analyze the effectiveness of your words. I would suggest trying to show a bit more depth in your characters and really make them less one dimensional, but it’s hard to say that the guards or mother (the only true one dimensional speakers) wouldn’t have opened up were they given more time to talk.

Action: - 4 There were some moments of action here, but the real heavy lifting wasn’t done until the last post. At that point, the action was a bit too fast; producing cobras, the disappearance of the drow, and the emergence from the mountain could all have been more exciting were they given more time to develop naturally. It was really well scripted, just not delivered as well as it could have been.

Persona: - 8 Simply, you are terrific at this character. Very smooth, very even and consistent, she is both the warrior and the coward. I really liked this character, and how this thread changes everything about her. It creates motivation for her, plenty of depth, and some history that is both interesting and can be built upon. Well done.


Writing Style (22)

Mechanics: - 4 Your writing was littered with mistakes, but they are extremely easy to correct. There are no horrible punctuation or sentence structure errors, aside from the occasional run-on sentence. You simply need to re-read your work to catch the words that are obviously out of place. When the readers come across these, however, they are striking and really confusing to the text, until it becomes clear that they are errors. Some examples:

One was kept up better than the other, oblivious the one who had ordered the release.

Either the man on the right was obviously the one who had ordered the release, or one man was oblivious to the other. Still don’t know which is the case.

shut her mouth releasing what she had done

”Releasing”

Also, the phrase is “eavesdropping”, not “ease dropping”, but that’s innocent.

Collectively, these are a few glaring mistakes that a quick re-read will fix, and that anyone could easily make if they don’t re-read their work.

Technique: - 5 I can think of a few elements of foreshadowing and symbolism here. It is very good that you employed them in the first place. Next time, I’d like to see them come a bit less obviously across as “the single tear”, but the effort to put in some advanced devices is well received. (As a side note, I think the “single tear” is cliché; I’d much prefer to hear about her eyes welling up or face feeling heavy, since I think those are more human reactions than the tear out of nowhere.)

Clarity: - 6 Those few examples above hurt your clarity score, and there were a few points (notably the walls created by your arrows) where I was very confused with the text. Aside from the rare examples, however, I thought this was a well written, very seamless and easy to follow quest, which leads in well to a follow-up.

Wild Card: - 7 A good, solid effort for a new character. I was impressed, and will be looking for future quests, in hopes that you keep this high level of writing up accompanied by a more discerning editing eye. Great work, and keep at it!


Total: 55

Rewards:
Seremela Receives 475 EXP, 100 Gold, and Spoils Pending.

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added!