A chance to prove yourself [solo]

[matthewkuch]

gavner stared up at the ceiling of the church, a cathedral some of the humans called it, and sighed. He had been waiting for over an hour, and midnight had almost come and gone. Lowering his gaze to the candles that cast an eerie glow upon the saints on the wall he spotted a pulpit. Walking up to the pulpit he noticed a basin of holy water nearby and walked over to it. Dunking his finger in the basin and swirling it around he chuckled softly to himself. "And humans actually think this stuff burns us" he mumbled. One of the big doors far behind Gavner at the front entrance opened, and and shut. Gavner dried his finger on his cloak and stared at the candle. He waited for about five minutes and then glanced to his right. About six feet away he saw a shadowy figure waiting and, seemingly patiently, staring at him. There was not enough light to see his face, but Gavner knew what was going on. "It sure took you long enough" Gavner said quietly.

"Yes, there were a few.... Setbacks. But I am here now" the stranger replied. "For what do humans need such large and elaborate buildings?'

"I believe that it is for worship and religious epiphanies in their culture" gavner replied "But out of all places to meet, why chose here?"

"I simply thought it would be a point of convenience. But now to the task at hand, I have important intel for you."

"And what might that be?"

The stranger hesitated for a moment, but then he said in a troubled voice, "To the east beyond the Al Kitar mountain range there is a vampire who has proclaimed himself lord over a large providence of humans. He is known as a mighty ruler, and has the humans do his bidding."

"But that is against our code of law, no vampire is to enslave humans or manipulate them under his control!" Gavner said raising his voice

"You speak as if I do not know the gravity of the situation! This is no matter to be taken lightly, and it violates many of our laws. This is why I am notifying you. I have conversed with the majority of the generals and they are in consensus that we should send in a lone general"

"And you want me to go in after him" concluded Gavner

"We want you to go in after him" the stranger corrected him

"Why me?" asked Gavner

"Because you are a young aspiring general. We believe you are up for the task"

"And if I'm not?" Countered gavner

"Then you will perish nobly in battle, all any vampire general could wish for" the stranger stated calmly "The clan believes you can do it Gavner. Do not let them down by not even trying"

Gavner glared at the stranger, who had now come closer to him, and sighed. "You know, Fintin, you always had a way of convincing me to do things..." Gavner said in a defeated voice

"How do you think I trained you for the last seventy years?" Fintin chuckled

Fintin was Gavner's mentor. He was five hundred and thirty seven years old, and appeared as an older man. He spoke with an authoritive, yet kind voice. Fintin blooded Gavner, turned him into a vampire that is, when he was 14 years old, and taught him the ways of the vampires. Then, seventy years ago, he started training him to become a vampire of good standing, and then a general.

"Where is this providence that you speak of, and how strong is the vampire that has declared himself king?" Gavner inquired. If he was going to have to battle another vampire, he best go knowing what he was up against.

"The vampire has set up his kingdom thirty eight and five hundred miles east off the Al Kitar mountain range, and his name is Balthazar Jenkins. He is one hundred and twenty two years old, and was blooded when he was eighteen. He is well rounded in all but a master in none" Fintin said without hesitation.

"How long has he established his kingdom?" Gavner asked narrowing his eyes in spite of the dark

His kingdom is yet young, eight years going on nine. A new blood stumbled upon it while roaming the outlands, only by asking a peasant who was the lord of the providence. He then notified the princes immediately."

"So I have to go after this lunatic and liberate a bunch of humans... And I dont get any back up?"

Fintin paused. "This is your battte Gavner, your battle to prove yourself. You have sparred many times and been victorious, but this is a real battle. You have to prove yourself to the generals, and to the princes, nobody else can do that for you. With that, I have no more to tell you about the quest. May the luck of the vampires be with you." Fintin then embraced gavner and said "It has been an honor to have you as my student. You will make me proud no matter what happens out there" he pulled away and despite the darkness, gavner saw him wipe something from his eye. Fintin turned and walked out the door, and just like that disappeared into the night.

"luck?" Gavner said to the darkness in a hollow voice "Its going to take a whole lot of that to get me through this"

[matthewkuch]

Gavner waited in the cathedral after his mentor departed, but then he realized that dawn was coming soon, and he had to feed before his journey. His eyes were accustomed to the dark and he noticed two doors on either side of the pulpit, each more than 15 feet away. He entered the one on the right and found that it was a kitchen. Venturing further in, he found what he was looking for. In the corner was a cabinet with vials and gauss and medical supplies, along with syringes. He took four syringes, made his way out to the sanctuary, and started out for the village to the west. Gavner was surprised that the town made such an elaborate cathedral but couldn't even create better homes for themselves. There were many stone houses with thatched roofs and barrels but no elaborate buildings, save one which was probably some sort of official that lived there. Gavner walked three houses east of the main square and spotted a house with a window in the upper floor. He walked to the side of the house and slipped off his boots. When he was in bare feet, he sank his nails into the side of the house and started to climb up to the window. Peering in he noticed two figures fast asleep. He gently pushed on the window and listened in noting their breathing patterns and their movements, and after several minutes he concluded that the figure on the far right was in deep sleep, and the figure closest to him was transitioning from light sleep, to deep sleep (they must have used the bathroom and just fallen asleep about ten minutes ago). He opened the window all the way and pulled himself up into the room. Silently, he advanced past the bed and stood over the person on the right. Looking down on the figure he saw that it was a woman laying on her side, fast asleep. He reached into his cloak and pulled out one of the four syringes that he had, and pushed the plunger top all the way down. There was a blanket covering up to her elbow, but her sleeve came about a half of an inch shy of it. Gently Gavner pulled back her sleeve and inserted the syringe into her arm. He drew a syringe of dark blood from the woman and pulled her sleeve back down her arm. He replaced the syringe in his cloak, and the heat of the woman's hot blood seeped through his cloak, warming the skin on his chest.
By this time the second figure was now in deep sleep. Gavner crept over to the figure that was now in deep sleep and was not surprised to find that this one was a man. The man looked in about his mid twenties, but he was very muscular. This man was probably part of the local militia, and maybe he worked at a farm. Gavner pulled out one of the remaining three syringes and and drew from the man. After filling the three syringes he crept out the window and back to the cathedral.

By the time he had reached the church it had started to get lighter out, but the sun had not risen yet. Gavner entered the cathedral, and heard stirrings of the monks within the cathedral. He heard bustle in the kitchen, and talking from within. Gavner made his way to the door that led to the kitchen and hesitated. He did not know if he should go in or not, if these monks would be friendly or cast him out. Before he could find out, he heard the door on the right side of the pulpit open and somebody start to walk towards him. Gavner turned around and saw a stunned looking monk, who had now stopped in his tracks and was staring at Gavner. "um, hello" Gavner said in a weak voice, knowing the monk would cast him away. The monk's eyes widened and he turned around and hurried back to where he came from. Knowing that he wasnt welcome here Gavner turned and started back down the rows of pews to the entrance. Maybe he could find an inn before the sun came up fully.

He made it three quarters of the way down the aisle when a froggy voice called out behind him "You are welcome to stay stranger, you are in the house of the lord. No harm will come to you here."

Gavner paused, then still facing the door he replied "I just need a place to stay for the day. I have been traveling all night and i would like a place to rest"

"All are welcome here" said the froggy voice

Gavner slowly turned around to see a monk with grey hair, garbed in a brown tunic. Gavner eyed the man suspiciously and then said "What place is this to welcome strangers of the world. All other churches and cathedrals I have seeked refuge have turned me away saying I do not belong. Why is this one any different?"

"many congregations and perishes are conformed to the ways of this world. This is a house of the lord, all who seek refuge will find it here. We welcome all travelers of the land."

After a few minutes of the monk convinced gavner to stay for the day. He led him back through the kitchen and into a dining room with a large wooden table. The monks warmly welcomed Gavner and treated him as if he was a long lost brother that had just returned. After eating breakfast Friar James (the friar who stopped gavner from leaving that morning) let him retire into his cell to sleep for the day. Gavner took a crystal glass and 2 vials from the medicine cabinet with him when he retired to his cell. He emptied the syringe of the woman's blood into his glass and downed it before emptying the other three syringes into the vials, and then going to sleep. Gavner woke up a half an hour before dusk, and the monks were just getting ready for bed. Gavner walked into the sanctuary and sat in the pew of the front row. He was rubbing the sleep from his eyes when friar james invited him to eat and say their farewells. By the time they had finished, night had come, and it was time for Gavner to leave.

"You are always welcome in this house Gavner, wander far and wide you may, but here you may always return" friar james said

"Thank you friar. I hope i can come back to visit some time" Gavner said, and like his mentor he was off into the night without another word.

[matthewkuch]

Gavner glumly walked down the stone stairs, reluctant to leave. Usually Gavner wandered from place to place without caring much, but he had grown rather attached to the monks. He wanted to stay a bit longer but he had an important mission to attend to. After making sure he had his vials of blood, and his syringes (the needles carefully wrapped in cloth) he started out to the east. He took one last look around, took in all the surroundings of the flat grassland, and then started to jog. He focused on a star directly in front of him on the horizon, and started to sprint. Gavner was not even winded yet and when his sprint peaked, he cleared his mind and gave himself yet another spurt of speed. At that time Gavner seemed to be slowing down to a jog, but the whole world around him started to speed up. The world seemed to fly past him at a supernatural rate. Gavner watched as landscapes changed so rapidly, tall grass, trees, large rocks, all whizzing by wile gavner was jogging in the midst of it. Gavner had found a road and was following it. He passed through forests and plains and grasslands, but after several hours he grew fatigued. He started to slow down to a sprint, and then a jog.
Spotting a cluster of trees he jogged into the heart and collapsed among them. He decided that he was going to rest for awhile and continue on until dawn but he ended up dozing off and didnt wake until an hour before sunrise. He would have gotten up and continued, but he heard a rustle in the leaves about 15 feet away. It was too dark for him to see, the moonlight only illuminated up to five feet in front of him, but his hearing was honed way better than his eyesight. He got to his feet, and assumed his defensive stance as the figure was getting closer. Gavner waited in dead silence for thirty seconds, until he saw a snout emerge into the moonlight. A wolf had just stalked into the clearing, bearing its teeth, and its black eyes locked onto Gavner. Gavner thought of running, but he couldn't see that well and the wolf was blocking the way he came in. He was not going to kill the wolf, but if it attacked him then he would some how have to subdue it. Maybe he coul-

Before he could think any more the wolf leapt through the air and landed on his chest. The wolf growled at him softly, but then... wait a minute... the wolf bent down and... sniffed his face! The wolf then gave an affectionate whimper and rolled off of him onto his back, giving him puppy dog eyes. Gavner was somewhat confused but he reached over and stroked his belly. The wolf looked over to where he came from and gave a bark, and four more wolves and a cub came into the moon lit area! all of the others were females, including the cub, but they all came in and sniffed Gavner at the same time. The wolves were all tickling gavner with their noses by nuzzling his side or his back or his arms. Gavner started to laugh, and lay back when the wolves started to lick him. Gavner started to play with the wolves and they all barked and nipped at him playfully. Dawn began to approach quickly and Gavner realized that he would not be completely protected from the sun. The wolves, who had been staring at him while he had this realization, seemed to have read his mind and the male jumped up on his chest again, forcing him to lay down. Two of the female wolves cuddled up to his sides, and the male laid on his torso. The other females cover up his legs, and the cub laid on his face. The wolves were shielding him from the sun. Gavner tried to stir, but the male growled at him telling him to stay put. Gavner sighed and gave up all effort of resistance. Suddenly he was dead tired and he drifted into a deep sleep shielded from harm by his friends, the wolves.

[matthewkuch]

Gavner woke up to something wet pressing up against the side of his face. He groaned and rolled over, but his face was licked. Then it was licked by 2 tongues. Then 3. before he knew it, he opened his eyes to find 6 wolves all licking his face. He sat up to find the sun sinking low on the horizon, and the wolves nipping at him playfully. Gavner played with the wolves, scratching them behind their ears and rubbing their bellies until the sun sank below the horizon, and the wolves got up and walked to the edge of the small clearing.
The male looked at him, and then turned to the woods and barked, then looked at Gavner again. Gavner realized that the wolves wanted him to follow them. "Okay, how bad can a 30 minute detour be" Gavner said to himself and followed the wolves out of the cluster of trees. They started running, and Gavner kept up with them but he realized that they were hunting. They ran in formation, and Gavner saw an open space and concluded that this was where he was supposed to be. He filled in and they started to change course. They were running for what seemed like 20 minutes, and then Gavner saw them. Up ahead they were chasing a herd of elk. The wolves were gradually gaining on the herd, but Gavner heard the male growl at the rest of the pack, he assumed to keep them quiet. They sped up and were advancing on the herd fast until they were running with the elk. Gavner wondered why they didn't attack but he saw an elk larger than any he had ever seen before at the front of the herd. The wolves weren't going cheap, they were going for the leader. Their formation changed and made the advance on the leader. Gavner was on the left of the enormous elk, and the male was on the right. The females formed a line behind the elk and the male gave a howl. After a half of a minute the male gave another howl and Gavner realized that the wolf was giving him the honor of the first strike. Gavner looked at the elk, he had attacked vampires before but never an animal this large. He targeted the neck and tackled it to the ground.
There was pounding of hooves and all around Gavner, and dirt and grass was being torn up by the herd, Gavner did not notice this before. The elk was bucking around and kicking and Gavner almost lost his grip, but thats when the wolves came in. The male pounced on the elk and started to tear at its throat and the females pounced subduing some of the bucking and kicking. Gavner wanted to end this quick, the elk did not deserve to suffer, so he slid his grip up to the base of the elk's skull and snapped its neck quickly and cleanly. The elk fell lifeless to the ground and all struggle ended. The herd passed after about 30 seconds, and the female wolves were backing away from the elk and forming a circle. Gavner did not want to upset the male, he did not know their customs, so he followed suit and the large wolf entered the circle. He gave a soft howl and the wolves started to butcher the enormous animal. Gavner waited as they prepared their meal and looked behind him to find the cub running towards them. Gavner had completely forgotten about the cub, and remembered that the cub was slower than the rest of them so she had to catch up. As the cub was getting closer and closer Gavner knelt down and spread his arms out wide. When the cub was three feet away she leapt through the air and landed squarely on Gavner's chest, just like her father had the night before. Gavner fell back to the ground and the cub started licking his face and swatting at him playfully. Gavner and the cub wrestled for some 20 minutes until he heard the wolves behind him howl in unison. The cub jumped off of him and ran towards the adult wolves, and Gavner followed suit, racing with the cub. Gavner won, obviously, but he found six equal piles of meat and a small one. The cub ran to her pile and started to eat, but the male growled angrily at her and she ceased immediately. All of the wolves then sat and stared at Gavner. He looked back at them confused, but then looked at his pile of meat and saw they were waiting for him to start. "Aww guys, I am honored but I'm not your leader. Plus its raw and-" He was interrupted by a growl from the male, and Gavner knew that this was not up for debate. He sighed with defeat, once more, and knelt down to the pile. He picked up a piece of elk and sucked the warm piece dry, and then started to tear it appart with his sharp teeth. As soon as he bit into the meat the rest of the wolves started in on their pile, eating like there was no tomorrow. Gavner's pile was too large for him to finish and he divided his remaining meat among the rest of the wolves, who happily devoured their piles ravenously. When they were finished the wolves surrounded Gavner and stared up at him. Gavner didnt want to leave them, but he had to attend to his quest. "Look guys, I have to go. I am on a very important quest..." As soon as Gavner said this it was like the wolves understood every word he said, and all rolled onto their backs and howled and whimpered sadly. This sight broke Gavner's heart. Apparently they had grown as attatched to him as he had grown to them. The cub got to her feet and somberly walked up to Gavner, her head down, and she sat on his feet as if to say "you arent leaving us." Gavner looked down at her and she was staring up at him with sad puppy dog eyes, and she tipped back her head and gave a higher pitched howl. The kind you would hear from a baby wolf. Gavner wiggled his feet out from under her and all of the wolves walked to him rubbing up against him and whimpering. "I have to go guys, I will come back after my quest! I promise!" Gavner said over the wimpering and howling, but it was no use. They continued to stay by his side, and would not leave. Dreading his next decision, but knowing it was the only way out, he leapt over the wolves and started to run. The wolves ran after him, and were running right beside him, but Gavner accelerated to a sprint. He was overwhelmed with sadness, but he had to leave. As he slowed to a jog and the world started to fly by he heard the saddest, loneliest howl he had ever heard from the small pack of wolves he was leaving behind. This brought tears to his eyes and his face contorted with sadness. He suddenly did not have the strength to flit any more. He slowed to a sprint, then a jog, and then he collapsed on the ground. The wolves were far behind him, but they were running toward him none the less. Gavner closed his eyes and the wolves intercepted him after a few minutes. He got to his feet as they encircled him and looked at him sadly. Gavner sighed and came to a final decision. "Alright guys..... You can come with me." The male howled happily and the others all barked and jumped up at him. They started licking his hands and trying to lick his face. "Okay okay okay," gavner said laughing "if you are going to travel with me you have to have names!" they all stopped and looking up at him expectingly. He took a good long look at all of them and realized that this was going to be harder than he thought. The first she-wolf had longer fur than the rest. Her back was light gray and her belly was white. He knelt down and put his hands on both sides of her face and said "you will be Lupe." She barked happily and he rubbed her face affectionately. He moved to the next female. She was a darker shade of grey but she had a white patch of fur on the right side of her face. He knelt down and looked at her intently. "I will call you ula." She walked behind him and then pushed up against his right side so her head was under his hand. Gavner laughed and scratched behind her ears and went to the next female. This one had relatively short fur but it was a medium gray. Fur on each side of her face puffed out, and that was a whiteish color. "You will be Ylva" said gavner, and she rolled onto her back and he rubbed her belly. He looked at the last she-wolf. She was smaller than the rest but the tip of her tail was white. Her paws were a very dark shade if gray too. He looked at her closely. "And you will be Faeleen." he said. She came forward and licked his face, then nipped at him playfully. He looked around. The only ones left were the male, and the cub. He looked at the male. The male was bigger than the rest. He looked meaner too, but Gavner knew better. He had white stripes on his sides, but other than that he was all grey. He looked at the wolf, who stared back at him attentively, and lovingly. Gavner wanted to give him a name that was noble and powerful. He stayed there for several minutes thinking hard, and then he thought of a of a suitable name. "Amoux" he said softly. The wolf stared at him for several moments, that felt like hours. Gavner feared the wolf did not like his name, but then he jumped on his chest again and licked his face. Gavner laughed and played with him for a few minutes but then noticed that he had left somebody out. He got up on his knees and turned to the she-wolf cub. She had been sitting there patiently all the while. Gavner looked at her, then sat down cross legged. He rested his head on his hand and his brow furrowed in thought. "Hmmmm..." He looked up at her. "Eva." He said. She cocked her head at him, then barked happily and jumped at him. The rest of the wolves took that as "let's all jump on gavner and play with him." After they were done playing, Gavner and his new traveling companions set out on the long journey to the providence of Balthazar.

[matthewkuch]

In the distance Gavner could see a mountain range growing on the horizon, the whole landscape illuminated by the full moon. He searched the mountain range for its signature, and found it. Far within the mountain range Gavner saw a solid gold peak, the peak of the dwarvish stronghold Al Kitar. Gavner had not had much experience with the Dwarves at all, but he hoped he did not have to interact with them. At the base of the mountain range there was an areal of hills, and a huge clearing. There was a forest on each side of the clearing, and nicely low cut grass. Gavner and his traveling companions had been running for 2 nights, and now when they made it past the Al Kitar Mountain Range they only had 538 more miles to go. Gavner and the wolves slowed to a halt when they got 100 yards from the foot of the mountain range. The mountains were all densely formed right up against each other, and extended for hundreds of miles in each direction, but the worst part was that all of the mountains had been cut to form a vertical wall extending over halfway up the mountains. In between the mountains had been filled in with the stone too. The wall was as smooth and shiny as polished granite, and was perfectly cut, forming a solid wall that stretched miles and miles in each direction. Along the wall Gavner saw torches and suspected that they were guard posts, but the nearest one wasnt for a mile or so. Gavner walked up to the wall and looked up. It was so tall that he could not even see the end of it. Gavner thrust his sharp nails into the rock, but they would not sink in. He pressed hard and grinded his nails down as hard as he could but the wall did not yield, or show any sign of scratch. Gavner stared at the wall in awe, then turned and said "come, lets go to one of the guard posts." The wolves followed as Gavner started off running to the burning torch on the wall. The torch was farther than he expected, and when he got to it he found that it was 3 times the size of a large house.

He looked up for not even 10 seconds, and a rough voice called out "Who goes there?"

Gavner did not see anything up above the wall and he hesitated but the voice called out again, "Who goes there?"

"It is I, Gavner Nahs. I come on very important bussiness and must pass through the Al Kitar Mountain Range" Gavner called back

"what would be the likes of you?" the voice yelled back

"I am a part of the vampire clan." Gavner was pretty sure he heard a gasp, and then the dwarf called out

"Open up the gates! This is a vampire of the clan! Let him through!"

Gavner heard clinking of chains and metal mechanisms from the inside of the wall, and from no visible cracks or openings in the stone, a large gate shape of the wall began to lift, exposing the entrance to the belly of the Al Kitar Mountain Range.

[matthewkuch]

the gate that was opening was truly enormous. It was so big that it could fit 6 three story houses stacked on top of each other in the mouth, with room to spare! The tunnel had absolutely no light in it. Gavner and Amoux looked at each other. Gavner shrugged, Amoux barked, and they all started into mountain range. The mouth of the tunnel was pitch black, and no light was visible for as far as he could see. The tunnel was too dark to even see how big it was, as they were now continuing blindly. Gavner and the wolves continued through the tunnel, and it seemed to be going upwards. They kept walking for about 30 yards and then they saw light. Light that seemed to be coming out of the floor of the tunnel far up ahead. They continued towards the light, but it didn't seem to be getting any closer. 5 minutes passed, the. 10, then 15, and they looked as if they had still just saw the light. Gavner say down, and he heard the wolves all sit down too, apparently as baffled as him. He tilted his head back and started to howl, and the wolves followed suit. Gavner had grown so attached to the wolves that he had started to act like them.

They howled for about a minute, but their howl was interrupted by a deep, but nasally voice that said "May I help you?" Gavner sprang to his feet and stared in the direction of the voice. Gavner could not see a thing, but he was sure of where he heard the voice. There was silence for about 30 seconds and the voice repeated "may I help you?"

Gavner said "I am Gavner of the vampire clan, the guard at the gate let me in. I have to pass through the Al Kitar Mountain Range on urgent clan business"

There was a brief pause, and then the voice came back "This way please." The person, whatever it was, walked towards the side of the tunnel and gavner hesitated, then followed. Gavner continued walking for about 30 feet, then the voice said "Watch your head please." Gavner still couldnt see anything, he was going off of hearing, but he ducked any way. Apparently he didnt duck low enough because he slammed his head against a wall and fell back to the ground. "Watch your head please" the voice repeated, and Gavner made sure to duck very low this time. They were now in a small tunnel, still completely dark forced to feel their way through. The tunnel twisted and turned and then started down on a big decline. As soon as the tunnel started down the decline Gavner could see light at the bottom, and a silhouette of the figure in front of him. Gavner had to crouch to half of his height to fit through the tunnel, but this figure did not even have to duck. They followed the tunnel, and Gavner could now see the mouth of the tunnel. It glowed with golden light, illuminating the mouth. They were roughly 15 feet from the mouth of the tunnel when it started widening out, and getting taller. Gavner began to stand up, and he could fully stand up when he was about 7 feet from the end of the tunnel. The tunnel kept widening out, until it led into its destination. When Gavner finally reached the end of the tunnel, he stepped out and gasped at the sight he beheld. Clearly they were inside a mountain, but it was clearly a mountain larger than life. It had the appearance of an extremely elegant ball room, it was large enough to fit 6 cathedrals in, and was made of all polished beautiful granite and marble. Looking up at the ceiling Gavner saw an enormous circle, the center was stone but the outer ring emanated gold light, filling the whole room with brilliant gold light. Lines of the gold light stemmed off in three directions, all but the way they came in, and Gavner noticed three tunnels, one on each side of the square cavern. The floor had a huge square of polished granite that was darker than the surrounding stone, and inside was a large dwarf war helmet with a hammer and a gem behind it. Gavner suspected that this was the dwarves' insignia. The room had a section with tables and chairs, which dwarves were sitting at, playing cards, visiting, and eating. Another corner had many large barrels that dwarves were filling up mugs and goblets out of, and in the center of the room dwarves were busily bustling through the hall and some were sparring in the center.

Gavner just noticed something pulling on his cloak and looked down to find that the dwarf was tugging on his cloak saying "This way please" and he turned and started off toward the far side of the huge cavern. It took about 7 minutes to walk across the cavern until they finally reached the tunnel on the far side, and started making their way through it. The tunnel was flooded with gold light from above, and as they made their way through the tunnel Gavner noticed the main light flow stem of in to side tunnels. Like the large cavern, the tunnels were made of elegant marble and polished granite. After about 15 minutes of walking Gavner asked the question on his mind, and probably the wolves' minds, "How long will it take to make it through the Mountain Range?"

"If we make good timing we should be through in 3 hours."

"Three hours!?!?!?" Gavner shouted. The wolves must have taken it as a shock too because they barked and yipped at the same time Gavner shouted.

"Yes, three hours" the dwarf repeated.

"isnt there any way we could get through faster?? A secret tunnel, or a shortcut? We have a destination to make!"

"I am afraid there is no other way than the one we are taking." The dwarf said calmly

"At this rate we wont get out until sunrise!" Gavner cried

"If you need a place to stay we have many quarters near the exit you will be taking. You will be treated to the finest food and mead in the mountain range as compliments of the King, and may stay as long as you like" The dwarf said

"Well lets get to the exit and we will go from there." Gavner replied. From then on the twists and turns of the maze in the mountains seemed to go by relatively fast. By the time they reached the last leg of their journey the sun had already risen, and the dwarf led Gavner and the wolves to a large room of polished granite with the same mysterious light source. There was a large mattress on the ground with fluffy blankets and pillows. Gavner turned to the dwarf and asked him if he could have a bed for the wolves, food for himself and the wolves brought to the room. The dwarf left, and Gavner lay down on the mattress on his side. It was the most comfortable bed he had ever laid upon, and the wolves leapt up on the bed with him and cuddled up with him. Eva had been having trouble sleeping for the past few nights so Gavner started to lay his arm down bent on the bed and his hand next to his face. Eva would curl up in the crook of his arm and sleep with her paws on Gavner's hand. Amoux usually slept on the side Gavner was facing, and all through the night he would drift into a light sleep so he could snap awake and defend Gavner and the she-wolves at a moment's notice. Ylva, Ula, Lupe, and Faeleen took turns sleeping on top of Gavner's side, at his head, at his feet, and at his back. Gavner and the wolves were exhausted, and they all (except Amoux) fell into a deep sleep as soon as they closed their eyes, before the dwarf came back with the bed and supplies.

[matthewkuch]

Gavner and the wolves slept all through the day undisturbed. Gavner woke to find the wolves still sleeping, and that Eva had wrapped her paws around Gavner's hand and was resting her head on top of it. Gavner didnt want to wake anyone up so he remained where he was, and took a deep breath. Amoux perked up his ears and opened his eyes, and when he noticed that Gavner was awake he barked and all of the other wolves woke up too. Lupe got off of him and jumped down on the floor, and so did the other female wolves. Amoux stayed on the bed and started to lick Gavner's hand, but Eva simply opened her eyes and looked at Gavner sleepily. Gavner laughed softly and in a small voice said "Goodmorning Eva, did you sleep well?" Eva softly barked happily and yawned, still curled up in the crook of Gavner's arm. With his other hand he reached over and stroked her fur for awhile. After a minute or so Eva slowly got to her feet and stretched shakily, still yawning and Gavner sat up. Amoux lay across his lap and Gavner scratched him under the chin and behind the ears. Gavner glanced over to see that five large piles of fresh meat and one small pile had been brought to the room. There was also a large plate full of meat, cheese, and vegetables next to a large mug. Gavner and the wolves started in on their meal and Gavner found that he was unfamiliar with all of the food that he was given. There were herbs and vegetables, and even meat that looked unfamiliar to him. The vegetables were well cooked and seasoned, bursting with flavor, and the meat was not too raw, or too cooked. The mug was full of mead that made his tastebuds crawl, and warmed his insides. Gavner was full after the meal, but he still had a burning hunger within him that could not be sustained by normal food. He pulled out a vial of the blood he took from the man and emptied half of it into his mug. He sipped from it, focusing on the content and taste of the blood. In the blood he tasted great stress and troubledness. The man had dealt with great hardship recently, and things werent going much better for him lately. Gavner drank the rest of the blood in his mug and the dwarf that led him in entered the room just as he was finished.

"Mr. Nahs, the night is still young. If you and your friends are well rested, fed, and are ready to depart, I will escort you to the east exit of the Al Kitar Mountain Range." He said

"Thank you sir, we are ready to depart" Gavner replied.

"Very well." The Dwarf led them back to the tunel they stemmed from and not even 2 minutes of walking took them to a small opening in the side of the wall. "This exit is only accessible from the inside, of the Mountain Range, and is only one way. If you are are coming back and wish to pass through the mountain range again you must simply speak to one of the dwarves at the guard torches and they will admit you. The King apologises that he could not meet you. He sends his best regards for you on your journey, and welcomes you any time."

"Please send my best regards to the King, and tell him I shall be returning this way if all goes well on the quest" Gavner said. The dwarf nodded in approval, and waved goodbye as Gavner and the wolves started off. "By the way, what is your name?" Gavner called out behind him.

"I am Woodan" the dwarf called back.

"Thank you woodan!" Gavner shouted "For all you have done"

"You are welcome any time Gavner Nahs!" And with that Gavner and the wolves were off running towards the providence of Balthazar Jenkins, coming closer to danger with each step they took.



Gavner and the wolves were entering farmlands of many kinds of crops. They passed through soy, corn, wheat, and many vegetable fields. They ran through vegetable fields for about a half of a night and then they started running through the orchards. According to Fintin they had been running through the providence of Balthazar for about 23 miles. They ran through orchards of peaches, apples, pears, and many others, but so far the providence was very large. When through all the farms they came to see 4 mountains forming a large square. On the outskirts of the large square in the mountains there were many houses. The houses were all small, one story, and they had thatched roofs. Barely any of the houses had doors, and none of the roads were paved. Looking closer at the mountains Gavner saw mines coming from within the mountains. Each of the mines led to a large building made of stone and an actual roof. The mines had tracks and minecars going in and out of the mountains, signifying that the humans were kept working all through the night. There were torches lining the railroads going into the bowls of the mountains and leading to the storage units, but other than that there was no light except for the waning moon. In the center of the large square there was a small stone castle. Trees were now scarce in this region, but there was a rare cluster of trees by the path leading to the large area. Gavner led the wolves into the trees and sat down. He pulled out his last vile of blood which was half full, and finished it off. He put the stopper on the vile and took out the other vile and the syringes from his cloak. He set them on the ground and buried them to get rid of the odor of blood. He looked at the wolves and said "Alright guys... This is where I leave. I need you guys to stay put, and I will come back for you as soon as I can. You guys need to stay hidden because people will be more than willing to kill you. You guys mean so much to me, and I couldnt bear to see anything happen to you." He looked at Amoux and said "You have to stay awake and vigilant the entire time I am gone. If anybody tries to attack these guys, defend them with all you have got. They need to help too, but it is up to you to lead them." Amoux sat up and looked at Gavner. Gavner turned to Eva and sat down cross-legged to look at her, and she looked back up at him. "If anything happens to them and they cant win the battle, I need you to run far away. Hide. Be safe. Okay?" Eva looked at him and then climbed up onto his legs. She curled up into his lap and closed her eyes. Lupe lay down flat on her belly at Gavner's left side and rested her head on her paws. Ula did the same on Gavner's right side. Gavner felt Ylva lay up against his back, and Faeleen lay at the front of Gavner's legs. Amoux slowly walked in front of Gavner, behind Faeleen and sat. He stared at Gavner, and Gavner saw something else in his eyes. This was the wolves' way of saying goodbye to Gavner.

[matthewkuch]

Up to this point Gavner had been battered, beaten up, scarred, and his pride had taken a beating, but never had he felt the amount of pain that he felt when parting with the wolves. He would have been okay with parting so long as he was sure he would be able to return, but the worst part was experiencing their gesture of goodbye and not even knowing if he was going to come back to them again. As he left the cluster of trees the wolves had remained in the position they had when they said goodbye, and all of them were looking at him. Gavner was sure they would have howled if Gavner hadnt told them to keep quiet, but Gavner had explained the importance of his quest to the wolves and they seemed to know how serious this was.

Walking away was one of the hardest things Gavner had ever done, but tearing his eyes away from the lonely wolves was even harder. He turned away and started towards the castle. Outside of the clearing was a dirt road that led to the heart of the providence. Gavner needed to clear his head so he could concentrate. He sat down on the side of the road and took deep breaths. He reassured himself that everything would be okay, and he would return to find Amoux, Lupe, Ula, Ylva, Faeleen, and his precious little Eva back in the clearing. He just had to get into the castle, kill Balthazar, and return to the cluster of trees. When Gavner had recomposed himself he got to his feet and started on the path again. He walked through the outskirts of the city of the providence and made his way through the more populated areas. He wasnt afraid of humans noticing him, he would not be noticed as a vampire, but he had to be more careful the closer he got to the castle. Finally he got to the last ring of houses, and there was about 10 feet of clearance between the closest house and the castle. Gavner did not see any guards, nor did he see any large locks or barricades on the door. This seemed easy. Too easy. Obviously Balthazar was not going to let Gavner waltz into the castle and kill him. Gavner moved to the path that lead directly to the castle.

The path had about ten feet of clearance between each row of houses, and the path bent about 25 feet down the opposite direction of the castle. Gavner looked at the castle pensively, when a rich voice spoke from behind Gavner "Well well well, if it isnt Gavner Nahs. I have been expecting you."

Spinning around Gavner saw a tall handsome man dressed in a tuxedo. He had a ruddy, suave face with cleanly cut features. Medium length black hair combed to the right side of his head grew from his head, and he stood with his hands behind his back. "Have we met before?" Gavner asked.

"No. But I have heard of you. The lucky one. The vampire that was blooded by the infamous Fintin. Gavner Nahs, the vampire who bested a 23 year old at age 14." the man laughed.

"What the heck are you talking about?" growled Gavner.

"Did Fintin ever tell you about how he told me that he would blood me? He dragged me around for seven years as his apprentice, and said he wouldnt blood me until I was twenty three! Then when I finally came of age to his standards he turned me down. He said I was going to be evil, and I would not make an honorable vampire. He cast me away, and left me for the world to devour. Then you came along and he blooded you at age 14. Fintin was not happy when my mentor blooded me, but he had to accept me. Thats why he never mentioned me to you! I found a way around the system!" The figure sneered.

"But Balthazar... Enslaving humans is against our code! It violates every law of nature that we abide by!" Gavner said heatedly. "You should know beter!"

"Oh but I do. I know better than all of you. This violates your laws, not my laws. I am no longer part of the clan."

"We know you are no longer part of the clan, and we have respected that, but you have crossed the line. You must step down and liberate the humans or I will make you step down and liberate the humans." Gavner said authoritatively

"You? I would like to see you try" Balthazar sneered. "I will kill you, grind your guts into the dirt, and have your head displayed at the entrance of the providence for all to see what happens when one tries to stand in the way of Balthazar the great!"

[matthewkuch]

Suddenly Gavner and Balthazar were engaged in ferocious combat between two children of the night. Balthazar had leapt at Gavner and tried to kick Gavner in the chest, but Gavner was quicker than the elder vampire. He sidestepped to his right and aimed a well placed round kick at the base of the back of Balthazar's neck. Balthazar sidestepped to his right as well but did not step far enough, and Gavner made contact with his left shoulder sending him off balance. Gavner thrust his hand at Balthazar's unprotected belly but Balthazar countered by spinning around fully and knocking the attack away with his elbow. Gavner kicked at Balthazar's shin with all of his might but Balthazar sent in a kick of his own and got his foot behind the knee of Gavner's kicking leg. This turned all of Gavner's kicking force against him and sent Gavner backwards with his feet vertical in the place where his head should be, and his head down where his feet should be. Gavner soared for what seemed like hours as the time seemed to slow down and the end drew nearer and nearer. He flipped over and landed hard on his back staring up at the stars. Balthazar came to stand over Gavner, and he received blow after blow on his ribs, kick after kick for what seemed like hours. Then the blows suddenly ceased and Balthazar's triumphant laugh rang out through the night.

"Fintin trained you well" balthazar purred, and then he hissed "but not well enough!" Gavner knew this was the end. Balthazar was going to kill him and there was nothing he could do about it, but at that moment something beyond Gavner's worst fear had came true. An angry growl pierced the night and Gavner heard signs of struggle coming from Balthazar's direction. Gavner bolted upright and his head snapped towards the sound, and Gavner saw the worst sight of his entire life up to this point. Five wolves had leapt out of the darkness of the night and were now viciously attacking Balthazar. He was yelling with struggle, and the wolves were growling and barking nastily at him. Kicking, clawing, biting, these wolves were going for the kill, but both Gavner and Balthazar knew how this was going to end.

"NO!" Gavner cried out as Balthazar began to lash out. He grabbed Ylva off of his right knee and snapped her neck. Tossing her aside like a rag doll, he grabbed the leg of Ula, who was attacking his left arm, and swung her through the air with deadly speed and bashed her on the ground. She gave a yip and then went limp as Balthazar sent his fist pounding through the air at an unforgivable speed and made contact with Lupe's head. He kicked Faeleen as hard as he could and sent her flying through the air and she slammed into the side of a house, and made contact with an extremely loud SNAP. Finally Balthazar thrust his hand, sharp fingernails pointed out, directly at Amoux's exposed belly. Amoux had been biting and clawing at Balthazar's jugular but Balthazar's hand sank into Amoux's belly, disappearing to the wrist, and ripped out his hand clutching intestines and internal organs. Amoux fell to the ground convulsing as Balthazar dropped what he was holding in his hand. All had happened in under 17 seconds, but it took less than one for Gavner to process it all. Bellowing at the top of his lungs Gavner flew through the air before he knew what he was doing. At this moment, Gavner was fueled not by energy but by rage, sadness, and pure hatred. Gavner felt as if he had the strength of 30 vampires, and the speed of 50. Landing directly behind Balthazar, Gavner threw punch after punch after kick. The only thing that mattered was beating Balthazar to a pulp, and Gavner was doing just that. Arms and legs snapped like toothpicks, ribs were crushed like potato chips, and Balthazar's nose broke like a flimsy piece of plastic. Balthazar fell backwards, unconscious like a sack of potatoes and hit the ground with the grinding of bones. It was a good thing for Balthazar that he was unconscious so he did not have to face his brutal death at the hand of Gavner. Gavner pounced on top of Balthazar, and sliced open either side of his throat with sharp fingernails. Sinking his fingers deep in Balthazar's neck he clutched with a death grip and violently ripped out Balthazar's throat. Gavner was instantly covered in blood, but he did not care. He dropped Balthazar's trachea and, placing his hands at the base of Balthazar's head, snapped his neck with all of the strength he had. Gavner stood and screamed at the top of his lungs, like a wounded savage warrior, but not out of victory or savageness, but out of hurt. Gavner looked over at Amoux, who was still convulsing, and ran over and knelt next to him. Amoux was panting, trying to take in breath rapidly with no avail. "Amoux! Amoux look at me buddy!" Gently cradling Amoux's head between his hands, Gavner stared at Amoux who looked at Gavner. "Amoux dont leave me! Please! You are the closest to family that I have got! I love you please dont go!!" Gavner could see Amoux making great struggle, and he ended up opening his mouth. Gavner would have given anything to hear that one last bark, or whimper from Amoux, but he knew that would never happen. This was real, not some story where the bad guy gets beat and nobody gets hurt. Gavner suddenly remembered back to when Amoux had first jumped on his chest and sniffed him. How surprised and confused he had been. Now he was holding Amoux in his hands, limp and lifeless. Gently setting Amoux down Gavner colapsed on the ground and wailed into the night. Sobbing and howling, his entire existance was now crying with the grief and pain he had endured. An hour passed and Gavner's wails had subsided to grief stricken moans. He was drenched in blood and tears, when the sky started to lighten. Gavner fell silent and raised his head to see that the entire city had made a circle around Gavner who was crouching by the dead wolf, and the dead Balthazar. Gavner wanted to lay down and stay there until everybody left but he knew he had to address the people. Composing himself as much as he could he rose and wiped the blood off his hands. Speaking in a loud voice Gavner addressed the whole crowd "Townspeople of the providence. Your corrupt leader has violated many laws, and has been put to death for his crimes. I hereby liberate you all to live free lives in the name of the law." There came cheers of joy and cries of startled and confused townspeople, but for the most part people accepted it and dispersed, happily chatting with a neighbor or two. They all left him to the dead Balthazar and Gavner's dead family. But just then, Gavner heard a high pitched barking, and turned to see Eva running towards him on the dirt road. Eva, Gavner's precious little Eva, had survived. She was now the last family member that Gavner had left. She saw her parents and started to howl. Gavner began to howl with her too, and picked her up to comfort her. Gavner took all of the dead bodies into Balthazar's castle for the day, and Eva and him spent the day in the castle. They mourned and howled together in pain, cried themselves to sleep, and didnt wake up until late in the night.


Carving the final touch into the hand made gravestone with his fingernails, Gavner gave the okay for the villager to sound the trumpet for the townspeople to gather at the top of one of the many hills. Wincing in pain from his broken ribs, Gavner stood to look at his handwork. Gavner had personally dug five graves, and carved five headstones saying "YLVA" "LUPE" "ULVA" "FAELEEN" and "AMOUX." He had buried the wolves with nothing but a spade shovel he borrowed from a villager, and he buried them on the side of the hill so it was that much harder. At the top of the hill was a huge pile of wood, and in the center tied to a stake was the dead body of Balthazar Jenkins. Eva solemnly walked around her families' graves as the townspeople lit the pile of wood and set Balthazar on fire. When Eva was finished she sadly barked at Gavner who lowered a black knapsack that she crawled into. When she situated herself she poked her head and paws out of the mouth of the bag and Gavner picked up the Knapsack and put it on his back. Gavner had completed his quest, and hopefully gained the respect of the generals and princes, but now Gavner and Eva slowly headed out for Al Kitar to meet the king of the dwarves. Gavner and Eva moved slowly not because of broken ribs, but because of broken hearts.


Out Of Character

Requested spoils:
Eva the wolf cub as a familiar
Black knapsack to carry Eva in

[Amber Eyes]

Thread Title: A chance to prove yourself (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?27215-A-chance-to-prove-yourself-solo”)

Judgment Type: Full Rubric

Participants:matthewkuch



Plot: 13/30

Story- 5/10

I really enjoyed the story. It was a quick read and I am interested to see where Gavner goes from here. There were certain point that messed with the overall storyline though.


The quick interactions with various characters seemed rushed at times, and I think that by taking a bit more time you could have made the thread more realistic.


You did a good job of explaining that the people your character drew blood from were deeply asleep, but it is difficult to believe that any person would sleep through someone stabbing them (however gently) with a needle. When something seems off like that it draws the reader out of the moment and hurts your story. A little more background to explain the situation would have solved this.


Another example is the dwarfs and wolves, why did they want to help? Were they at all nervous about Gavner’s presence? What made them offer assistance to a strange vampire?


Keep in mind that while we are writing fantasy, people need explanations for things beyond the normal.


Setting- 4/10

I had a good idea of where we were throughout, use smell, touch, taste, and sound to really explore the world. Did the wolve’s tongues feel slimy? Did they smell? Was their fur soft or coarse?


Pacing- 4/10

Long sentences and blocks of text slow down the reading. Mechanical errors and unrealistic scenes also force the reader to slow down and consider what is going on. Breaking text up will help you a lot in the catagory.




Character: 13/30

Communication- 3/10

The dialogue was mostly well done. Try using inner thought more to give me an idea of what Gavner is thinking. Keep in mind that body language and awkward silences are just as important as the written text. Flesh out your character’s personality more and you will be able to write more powerful dialogue.


Action-5/10

I had a clear idea of most of the action. The fight scene could have been fleshed out a bit more, especially considering how much build-up there was to it. Overall this category was strong though.



Persona- 4/10

I really wanted to develop and emotional connection with the characters in the story. Fintin came across as a father figure and yet there was very little emotion in the scene. There were so many possibilities you could have explored between the two, perhaps a flashback or a few words that meant something to the pair. Explore relationships to give the reader emotion.


The Friar was another good opportunity that you could have capitalized on. It was obvious you wanted to portray him as more than just an average clergyman, but you glossed over the scene too quickly for me to see his full character. Take time to flesh these characters out a bit, let the reader know who they are.


Ganer himself seems like an interesting character, but I’d like a bit more insight throughout the thread. What does he think, feel, smell, hear? Give the reader more than just his words and actions to connect.


You did do an excellent job of showing emotion when it came to the wolves, use that throughout the thread and you will bring this score up dramatically.




Prose: 12/30

Mechanics- 3/10


There are several capitalization errors throughout the thread. Always do a quick read through to make sure all your sentences begin with a capital and all proper names are capitalized.


Keep in mind that Its and It’s are two very different words. It’s iis the contraction for it is, while its is the correct possessive form of it.


Some of your sentences are run ons. Try separating different thoughts, this will make for an easier read and bring your mechanics score up. Here is an example.


“He gently pushed on the window and listened in noting their breathing patterns and their movements, and after several minutes he concluded that the figure on the far right was in deep sleep, and the figure closest to him was transitioning from light sleep, to deep sleep (they must have used the bathroom and just fallen asleep about ten minutes ago). “


A better way to write this would be: “He gently pushed on the window and listened in, noting their breathing patterns and their movements. After several minutes he concluded that the figure on the far right was in deep sleep, and the figure closest to him was transitioning from light sleep to deep sleep. The vampire concluded that they must have used the bathroom and just fallen asleep about ten minutes ago. “


Most of your errors are simple things, that can be caught quickly in a re-read, such as the double use of and in your first post. Make sure to go back and check your writing to up your score.



Clarity- 5/10

I had little trouble understanding what was going on. You clearly expressed where we were and what we were doing throughout the thread. There were a couple points where scenes were a bit rushed and I could have used more details though, such as the scene with the Friar and again with the dwarves.

Technique- 4/10

Your writing is enjoyable, but focus on making it clean for now. Get the mechanics under control and then you can work on fleshing out your technique. Use of inner dialogue and emotions would help this score.



Wildcard: 5/10

I really enjoyed the thread. You have a ton of potential and I can’t wait to see where you go from here.



Final Score: 53/100

matthewkuch (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17109-matthewkuch) receives:



700 EXP!

100 GP!



Congratulations![/QUOTE]

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!