**Explicit Content** Two minds, one...

[Amber Eyes]

Penis.

Kyla entered the dusty tavern, eyeing the bartender with a smile. "Yo, what up, I got a big...purse. It has money in it. Give me a drink."

The bartender did what he was told because he knew what was good for him and could smell what the rock was cooking.

Kyla took her drink that tasted terrible and drank it in one big gulp, because that's what cool guys always do in these sort of situations.

She glanced around, looking for someone to shoot some pool with. I actually do mean shooting pool, just in case anyone had other ideas.

[Andy Rorton]

All of a sudden there shone a shiny demon in the bar!

"Whatup G? Imona eatcha now. GET IN MY BELLY"

But then, like the total badass pimp he is, the totally not ripped off of any professional wrestler, Andy Rorton, jumpkicked the shit out of his face.

"That was my face!" The demon guy yelled like that one time the same thing happened.

"So, we can lay pool now Kyla, Cool?"

[Amber Eyes]

"How did you know I wanted to play pool?" Kyla stared at him, he looked familiar, like a famous wrestler from another world or something. "You're either breaking the fourth wall or a super genius mind reader. Sure, let's play."

Kyla grabbed a pool stick and showed off her cool ninja skills before racking up the balls. She then proceeded to completely run the table in record time. "Oops. Oh well, maybe we can go get drunk now."

[Andy Rorton]

"Just like my frat days!" The bad ass Andy Rorton said before trying to knock his balls around.

Just to clarify, I absolutely mean his testicles.

Andy grabbed a pitcher of beer and down it in a second. "HEY GUYS! I'M SO HAMMERED!"

Suddenly. beer pirahanas.

[Quentin Boone]

In stepped an awesome badass brawler. He had a beard, big muscley arms and an eye patch. No, wait... He /used/ to have an eyepatch. Now he has a really cool glass eye with a red light in it, so he looks like a exTerminator.

"I'm 'ere to rid ya of vermin!" He bellowed at the very top of his deep, manly, badass voice.

He looked at the people in the bar and couldn't help but notice another fighter. He decided it was time to fire the guns. He flexed his arms and spat into the air. Totally like a badass. "You, vermin. I'm 'ere to rid this place'a ya!"

[Amber Eyes]

Kyla cowered in fear. "Oh no, the boys are fighting, what ever shall I do?" Then she remembered she was a total bad ass lady-fighter.

She still didn't do anything though, she's lazy like that. Instead she decided to investigate the beer piranhas, which turned out not to be piranhas at all, but goldfish with teeth drawn on them.

Bored, Kyla turned back to the fight, flexing her girly muscles and shouting. "Has anyone seen the Indian?"

She paused for dramatic effect.

"Oh yea, he's hiding behind these rocks!" That was a direct reference to her muscles which weren't really that big, but what can I say, the girl is drunk and thinks she's cool.

[Andy Rorton]

Andy totally punches that strange man in the balls.

"Take that TARD, I guess you should have..."

Andy put on his awesome CSI shades

"Made a Boone"



AHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAHHHH WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN!

The Who are so bad ass, but that reminded Andy he was -so- gonna get laid before douchebag mcdouchebag of doucheaggery, douchebagvania came in.

He looked to his girl, and totally shot those indians.

Seriously, Fuck Indians.

[Quentin Boone]

/me totally did a ddt to the other guy through a table!

But then he saw the hot stuffs near the pool room. "'ey sexy! Wanna real man?!"

[Lye]

"By the power of Liquid Time!"

Behind said rocks emerged an emo-tastic Sephiroth look alike. Though not an Indian, he was badass in his own right. With his red scarf, which served no purpose than to look cool, he pointed towards the terminator.

"You there!" He shouted. "You pathetic attempts at badassery offend me. It is I that shall be rid of you!"

He flipped his hair back like one of those swim suit models. As he stormed towards the robo-cop wanna be, he noticed piranhas in a pitcher of beer.

"Nice fish."

Then he proceeded to approach the big bad brawler.

[Amber Eyes]

Kyla was confused. Breaking the fourth wall in a feat she didn't think possible she screamed "I'm not your girl!"

Then he shot the Indians behind her imaginary muscles. Luckily the indians and the muscles were fake so no one got hurt.

Then the other guy did a wrastling move, sending the wrestler guy through a table. It was all a little chaotic so Kyla drank some more, accidentally swallowing a goldfish with teeth drawn on it.

About that time another guy showed up and Kyla started to wonder if she were in a gay bar. The guy who sings that song and dances in girl's clothing wasn't there though, so she figured she was safe.

[Ioder]

Across the tavern Ioder stood watching the two play with each other. "Im not sure what's going on over there but it looks fun." he said to himself as the dandies hit each other with pillow cases. He looked down at his chest and felt the sudden urge to have chesticals, so he focus his morphing ability and two small lumps were made under his shirt. Hmmm

"Girls girls!" He yelled as he tried to shimmy his chest. His focus was drawn away from his tits only by a set of perkier ones.

[Quentin Boone]

The newcomer was funny, and his scarf was kinda like a woman's. Terminator laughed. "I survived an 'ell cell wi' the mortician. Y'aint nothin' to me, bub."

And with that he unleashed his epic adamantanium claws and shredded a random hooker.

[Andy Rorton]

"GOD DAMN YOU ANDY RORTON!" Jim Ross shouted from the Announcers table and Andy totally did the thing he was being sworn at for.

Then, he grabbed Kyla by the arm and let the two losers fight and probably have some weird guy-on-guy relations with themselves.

"I got tickets to Nice Peter live, hot stuff. I'll take you if you're nice to my peter."

Andy then pointed at Peter Griffiith, who looks like a Family Man but was also fat and had some stupid Rhode Island accent.

A royalty free Rhode Island accent.

[Lye]

The assassin's draw dropped from the display of manliness that nearly forced him into a sex change.

"All I got out of that was bub..." He admitted.

Then, by the power of dark magics, he puppeteered the dead Indians into an epic riverdancing maneuver. Although not threatening... it was evil.

[Amber Eyes]

Kyla wept. That random hooker was the only other girl in the bar. Now it was a total sausage fest. That and the goldfish swimming in her stomach were really starting to make this night weird.

So she did what a lady always does when there's a goldfish in her belly and a whole lot of penis in the bar. She did the electric slide. To her astonishment as soon as she started dancing the song began to blare through the bar.

The the wrastler grabbed her arm. Kyla pulled away and kicked him in the nuts.

[Quentin Boone]

The king laughed and exclaimed, "Look at the puppies, JR! Just look at 'em!"

[Ioder]

Bigger and bigger Ioder made his chesticals, full sizes at a time he made them expand. Then suddenly the began to grow uncontrollably until he was trying to stand up with weather balloons stretching his shirt out. "Umm help" He said as he collapsed under the weights on his chest. He lay completely under his chesticals, only a twitching leg was seen from under them.

[Lye]

The river-dancing was the perfect evil distraction. Using his evil ninja skillz (yes, skillz. They're more 1337 than skills) he appeared behind the terminator.

"You won't be back."

Then, a large bone popped out from his arm. Any yes, he thrust his large bone towards the brawler.

It was sensual.

And evil.

[Dead & Walking]

Grond limped his way into the bar and started to tear his way the the cannon fodder.

He then started towards the group of fighters ready to take them on.

Why was he acting unsentient?

Because he had driken the blood of a drunk

[Andy Rorton]

Andy fell to the ground "Not fair! That target was too big! It's like you were hitting Mt Rushm----are those boobs?!"

Andy totally went to the dying thing and started flailing between the glorious mountains.

"MOTORBOAT MOTORBOAT STEP ON THE GAS!" Andy shouted as he rasberried the mounds. Then he punched Christoph in the face cuz why not?!

Then he shot the boobs. They deflated with a noise that sounded like Pee Wee Herman with Asthma.

[Quentin Boone]

The bone stabbed Terminator in the back. It exposed vital mechanics (not techniques, mind) that might become a weakness. But then, Terminator spun around and sliced the arm off the lady-scarf dude using his epic adamantanium claws. Like a badass.



Then, all of a sudden, in epic, over-exaggerated-swaggered The Boss. He had a flame thrower. He made things burn while shout-growling "YOUUUUU're FIIIIIIRRRRRED!"

[Amber Eyes]

A wild drunken Zombie appeared.

Kyla threw her poke-ball and shouted "Picatchu, I choose you!"

Unfortunately Kyla was not a Pokemon master and it was actually another goldfish she threw, so it was highly ineffective.

In the corner Kyla noticed a nice pillow area. "Huh, they don't normally have those at bars...she could vaguely make out a pair of squirming legs beneath the pillows but thought little of it. She made her self comfy and decided to rest for a bit.

[Ioder]

Struggling to breath under the weight oh his chest Ioder stated to move back and forth. The steady motion of this repeated movement started to build up and Ioder stated to rock back and forth. Then suddenly and with great force Ioder pushed one good time and it happened. Ioder started to roll around using his weather balloon sized breasts as some what of wheels.

He continued to force himself over and over to build up some speed until he was rolling over whole table and chair sets completely smashing them to pieces. Like a spinning ball of death he rampaged the entire tavern leaving huge holes in the walls as he plowed in and out of the building with he chestical spin of doom.

[Dead & Walking]

Grond looked at the fish before he picked it up and threw it back.

Grond Smiled.

Grond Stepped towards smell of food.

Grond Got hit by Flamethrower.

Flames are super effective.

Grond runs around and catches all wood in bar on fire.

[Amber Eyes]

Kyla was crushed under the giant bosoms. She is dead.

[Quentin Boone]

Terminator's fake skin started to melt, but he wasn't worried. This wasn't a furnace, so he would be alive and stuff. He looked for the original goon he wanted to kill, "Vermin, where are ya?! I'm gonna kill ya!"

[Ioder]

The Ioder runs over the terminator like a bolder crushing his butt into pieces as he rolls right over him.

[Quentin Boone]

Hey now! Terminator is made outta adamantanium so can't be crushed. He gets back up and wonders, "Is that what sex is like?"


Michael Cole is wedgied because nobody like him. Then he cries.

[Lye]

In an epic roar, Lye exclaimed, "Nooooooooooooooo! #darthvader"

He gripped his stump vigorously and sprayed his man-fluids to douse the sudden onset of flamethrower. In and effort to revitalize his spent juices, Lye raided the bar's stash of booze for a particular brand.

"Jensen juice," he read.

He downed Jensen's juice and felt a tingling sensation in his moist stump. It grew. Then, it grew some more. Finally, it climaxed to a full arm!

He laughed at the X-Men robot. The giggles would not stop.

"You're a silly claw machine!" he laughed. "Do the robot!"

[Amber Eyes]

Just kidding...no one stays dead in comics or on Althanas!

Kyla reanimates and then looks at the Zombie. "That was pretty cool actually, I can see why you do it. That being dead stuff is for the birds."

I am in no way condoning the murder of birds.

[Quentin Boone]

Terminator did the robot. Like a bad ass. He spits into the air some more and roars.

Vinnie Mac gets mad because his flamethrower was extinguished. He calls on his son. His son dances like a maniac and makes everyone dizzy!

[Andy Rorton]

"Surprise Muthafucka!" Andy shouted like a large black man as he jumped out from the shadows and punched the freshly deceased dude in the face.

He then totally eats a strudel. Strudels are awesome. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Strudel.

So Andy sees this zombie guy and he's like "UNICORNS ARE BETTER PRICK!" and slaps the Zombie with his dick, and he has to take the blow cuz I said so.

Andy Rorton is so cool. You all wish you could be like him.

Strudel.

[Tobias Stalt]

Tobias whipped out his dong and proceeded to urinate on the flames.

They went out.

I am a hero.

[Amber Eyes]

Kyla stabs Andy in the eyeball. He dies. There is no more to say on the matter.

Suddenly the flames died down, and the room began to fill with the smell of herpes infested urine. "Dude, you should go get tested." Kyla shouted in thanks.

[Ioder]

Then as if he could do it from all along Ioder deflated his fun bags and with his built up momentum flew threw the air like a bowling ball knocking into the decaying flesh bag that caught the joint on fire. "#Flawless #BoomStick"

[Tobias Stalt]

"It's cool," Tobias replied nonchalantly, "I know what happened. I got blown by some mute guy with psychic powers...

Oh, hey, Sei. Didn't see you there..."

[Quentin Boone]

An eagle appeared, someone died! #AC

[Andy Rorton]

But the Yukimura Sanada came out and gave Andy mouth to mouth like in all of my fanfiction.

Andy is back, WITH A VENGENCE!

"Why does this place smell like my mom?"

Better yet, why do you know thats what your m---

"SHUT UP NARRATOR! YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE!"

Andy shoots his na---GOD DAMNIT THAT HURT! WHY WOULD I TYPE THAT?!

"Insert pop culture reference Fox won't get here!"

[Erikar]

Then Kvothe walked in wearing his Magneto helmet and levitated some plates.

COO-COO CACHOO, I AM THE WALRUS he shouted, shooting chain lightning into the air because fuck it why not

he stared at the silver haired girl's climaxing arm with growing arousal, growling furiously

Then totally-original wrestler character Andy Rorton did something to a zombie, and generic Orlouge female #1 did something and then fuck it i cant follow this thread you guys post too fast

[Ioder]

#Priceless #Solangevsjayz

Ioder stood up and stretched his back them as if turning super saiyan started to yell loudly and ran towards Tobias. Then as soon as he reached him he turned into hunny boo boo's mom and fell on him.

[Quentin Boone]

There was a knock at the door as terminator still tried to figure out whether he'd just had sex.

From outside the bar/pub/tavern/inn/I've forgotten okay! a little voice spoke up "Please sir, can I have some more?"

"MOOOORE!" Screamed terminator eyeball claw man machine thing.

He stabbed the kid in the face with both sets of claws. Just because he could #vicious

[Tobias Stalt]

"Holy shi-"

You can't say that word.

"What word? Shi--"

I SAID NO.

"HEY, FUCK YOU. Wait. I can say fuck and not sh-"

Come on dude. Just stop trying to say it.

"Fine. Can you stop the fat, ugly bitch from falling on me?"

I got you, bro.

*stops time and moves Tobias*

"You're a boss, dude."

I do what I can. Now, go forth and make love to the Orlogue girl.

"What?"

Don't ask questions. Just go.

And forward he went, to victory.

[Amber Eyes]

Kyla watched as yet another guy came after her. "We need some vagina's up in here!"

Suddenly a magic spell came to mind. "Like a good neighbor, state farm is there!"

Suddenly a dozen State Farm agents appeared, all of them beautiful females.

[Erikar]

And Kvothe saw the Diablo rip-off go super-saiyan, so he did too, and his magneto helmet flew off to smack Ioder, because Erikvothe's power level was 10937496023709tuwreiohgwi83hw98230r8seventrillion.

Then he shot laser beams at Kyla FROM HIS EYES, because FUCK YOU SEI i'M GONNA HAVE EM TOO

Then Tobi did something and I chased him down and sold him some knives.

EDIT: AND CAN I GET A HOT TUB~

[Dead & Walking]

Grond stands up after bowled down by a flying man then bites off the appendage that had slapped him.

He then starts to limp his way over towards another section of the room to start feasting on more flesh.

[Ioder]

The ogre then continued his fall, but being a being of this size has repercussions after all. Ioder was to massive and fell straight threw the floor and continued to fall even straight into the ground causing a tectonic shift disturbing the fault line. The building's foundation began to move and quite rapidly hunny boo boo's mom caused and earthquake with her jelly rolls.

[Amber Eyes]

Luckily the state farm agents to the brunt of the lazer vision. Kyla sighed in relief as three of them melted into pools of rotting flesh and other yucky stuff.

[Quentin Boone]

By this point, there was flesh, fire, women and chaos everywhere. Something clicked inside term's programming. An event trigger that hadn't even been unit tested!

All of a sudden, the term stood up, deciding that he HAD had sex. "HASTA LA VEESTA BABY! I'm no longer a virgin! Look at my studly self all strutting up in this piece!"

Honestly, he was dancing like a moron. But hey, at least he wasn't a virgin any more!

[Ioder]

Ioder screwed the terminator? Gotcha Cheching

[Quentin Boone]

I think so. If not, HE thinks so. At least he's happy, okay? Man, why you gotta be such a downer! :P

[Tobias Stalt]

And in that moment, Tobi hooked up with a bangin' ass blonde.

Your argument is invalid.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTplfqSNQ8TIA9OtBCk2EYdojaENqB_e KBhIxuI89EtDUIuvwy-

[Lye]

The laser beams, earthquakes, fires, zombies, and horny males all trying to "two minds, one kyla" were all soo.... funny.

"hahahaha" Lye laughed.

His speed had become 20x the amount the RoG said he could have. He zipped around like the flash.

"I am AMBROSE!"

Then, noodles.

Hundreds of noodles. The incident part 2 had begun.

[Amber Eyes]

When the noodles descended Kyla ran. "Not again! Never again! We shall not perish!" She jumped on top of the bar to escaped the noodles! Then she realized how silly this all was. She jumped down and grabbed a handful of noodles! "I'm not afraid of you!

Then, the noodles bitch-smacked her across the face.

[Ioder]

Penis, and tits:)

[Quentin Boone]

Terms looked at the hot blonde female Tobias had hooked up with. "Hey! I recognise those breasts!"

[Amber Eyes]

Kyla was locked in a battle of wills with the boiled noodles. This was the final countdown.

"This is the final countdown" She sang as she shoved them into her mouth and swallowed. The goldfish inside her joined in, eager to eat the delicious pasta.

[Lye]

The noodles were the first of many plagues. Even Lye-sen Ambroké grew to know the fear of the noodle incident. He cowered in his little ballerina boots (they're a thing).

Then, stairs.

The Order/IK abomination cascaded endlessly down flight upon flights of stairs.

"Sei Orlouge, help us all!" he managed through the horror.

[Amber Eyes]

The stairs were the final straw. Kyla ran from the bar, determined to never again speak of the horrors she saw there.

(See how I just made this non-cannon for my character? GO ME! :P )

[Quentin Boone]

In a moment of realisation, the terminator dude took stock of his life thus far and realised that, much like the cake, it had been a lie. He shed tears of robot lubricant.

This was problematic for two reasons. One: He wasn't programmed to have emotions. Two: He needed that lubricant to work properly.

And so it was in a sea of (admittedly very tasty) noodles, the almighty terms started to perish in a slow, immobile, just about starting to rust, kinda way.

[Lye]

As the endless tumble continued, he slammed into an object he had known all to well - The Wyvern Bacculum known as,"The Dong".

He stumbled back in horror only to bump into something quilled.

"I'm gonna butter your bread, cutter...."

*scene break here*

The assassin woke up from the nightmare huffing in a sweat.

"What in Yedda's tits?!" he muttered, grasping his head in confusion.

[Tobias Stalt]

Tobias opened his eyes, so glad to be free of that terrible unreality.

[Max Dirks]

Dirks appeared, but everyone had already left. He bowed his head, realizing everyone hates him.

[Lye]

Awards!

Amber Eyes - 190 EXP & 19 GP (Given To Quentin Boone)

Andy Rorton - 70 EXP & 7 GP (Given to Ioder)

Quentin Boone - 190 EXP & 19 GP

Lye - 70 EXP & 7 GP (Given to Tobias Stalt)

Ioder - 100 EXP & 10 GP

Dead & Walking - 20 EXP & 2 GP

Tobias Stalt - 50 EXP & 5 GP

Erikar - 20 EXP & 2 GP

Dirks - 10 EXP & 1 GP

Adjusted Totals:

Quentin Boone - 280 EXP & 28 GP

Ioder - 170 EXP & 17 GP

Tobias Stalt - 120 EXP & 12 GP

Dead & Walking - 20 EXP & 2 GP

Erikar - 20 EXP & 2 GP

Dirks - 10 EXP & 1 GP

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added.

Quentin Levels from this madness to Level 2!

A first for Althanas history.