A Serenade of Pasts and Futures

[Ashla]

Closed to Siegfried. Thread title credit to Siegfried.


Boy, she was happy that it wasn't raining out here.


After a short battle which had ended in pouring rain and a draw. Ashla Rose Icebreaker believed she had found a new friend. An elf, like her mother was. He was an elder elf named Siegfried. Apparently they held much in common. They both had lost their senses of hope in their clans and countries... and they both wanted to revive them. The Icebreakers were all but extinct, the high elves had lost all their former glory. Raiaera had fallen to ruin long ago, Eiskalt was doomed to become like it. They both wanted to turn back the clock and bring everything they once had back... or so it seemed. For Ashla's case, she had never even had it.


Pulling her warm, wool cloak around her thin body, Ashla shivered behind Siegfried as the pure blood elf stood in front of the door. It was not a rainy day, but it was still very cold. But of course, Ashla was used to it. However, after a battle which had taken place over a bright, sunny field of trees and serenity, it was hard to go back.


Ashla's bright, blue eyes remained locked on her new companion. She couldn't say she trusted him yet, and that was why beneath her cloak she had one of her hands loosely fallen onto her damascus broadsword. However, she still appeared quite casual as she watched his movements. The world was a dreary place around here, the busy streets made a buzzing noise in her ears which was quite annoying. To go inside and get a good bite to eat would be very nice... and sharing a conversation with somebody who may share a similar back story and corresponding emotions would be great too.

[Siegfried]

As the elf walked across the street, he caressed his jaw. Though the monks had pulled them from the illusion and tended to their scuffs and scrapes, Siegfried still felt a phantom pain. Perhaps it was just the memory? Either way, the brisk autumn air served to agitate it. He looked to his company, the cause of his ache, and offered her a faint smile. He noticed the bit of tension in her steady gaze. She was not one to give trust as easily as he.

The streets had died down considerably from earlier, but the direction they were headed roared with life. Siegfried looked to the sky to find the sun at high noon - lunch time.

When they arrived at their destination, a melody of rich aromas permeated the air. The smell of roast meats, earthy stews, and baked bread were welcomed in comparison to the occasional waft of drunkards and battle ripened warriors. On the inside, The Broken Blade had two layers of seating. Siegfried also noted the two fully stocked bar tops on each side of the ground floor. He judged by the bout of laughter and clink of glass in the distance, the loft area must have held a third.

"Welcome!" pipped a well endowed bar maid. Siegfried offered her a slight bow. "It's a little busy, but if it's just the two of you, we have a tabletop in the loft that just opened up."

"That would be just fine," the Bladesinger responded.

The blonde maid curtsied, "Then follow me!"

She lead them through the maze of smiling faces, laughing friends, and the occasional serious discussion. Then, up the flight of cherry wood stairs and to the much quieter loft area. Compared to below, the space between tables was far greater and with only the bar to back, foot traffic was less.

"Here you are!" The maid motioned to a polished oak table. Two finely carved chairs waited for them at either side.

"Thank you," Siegfried bowed again, pulled the chair for Ashla, then took his own seat.

"Now, what can I get for you two to drink?"

Siegfried paused for a moment to contemplate.

"This may be a strange request, but would you have a Puniceusviscus Sangria? The one made with Raiaeran Merlot? I believe it would be made by the Nelde Utinu Winery." he asked.

The girl furrowed a brow, unsure of how to answer. She placed a slender finger on her lip and cocked her hips.

"I'm not sure. I know we have a few Raiaeran Merlot, but I'll have to check with the bartender on the..." She struggled to pronounce the next words. "Puniceusviscus Sangria."

"That's fine. If he doesn't have it, any Raiaeran Merlot will do."

She nodded her head to him and turned her attention to Ashla, "And what could I get for you, miss?"

[Ashla]

Ashla's curiosity was pricked when Eiskalt's own natural berries were mentioned. It made her want them herself... Unique berries only found in her country, it was rare for it to be exported outside the snowy mountains she called home. When she was asked what she wanted, her reply was surprisingly instant.

"Hot apple cider please! With lot's but not too much sweet. As long as it is still apple cider though I'm good..." She smiled at the blonde, it was quite obvious now that Ashla liked apples. It was also obvious that Ashla... spoke strangely. Ashla had meant that she wanted a lot of sugar in her cider, but not too much.

The woman chuckled (most likely at Ashla's ways of speech) then nodded, "Alright, coming up in a moment!"

Ashla thanked her as she turned to leave. Ashla looked around, this was an extremely homey place. A fireplace was lit with a warm fire a short ways away from them. Many people were here together, drinking and eating and being merry. Ashla threw her hood off, her black hair standing out vastly against her pale face. Her blue eyes sparkled with exhaustion. So much was going on in her life right now... Her feet dangled below the table, swinging back and forth and back and forth. She placed her arms on the table and crossed them across its rough surface. Ashla blinked and looked up at the elf in front of her.

This place was cozy, it made her want to go curl up and fall asleep. Yet her vast questions about Siegfried kept her awake. She blinked and flashed a shy smile. "... So ..."

Ashla was terrible at staring off conversations. She was very little social and tended to be alone with her orange, tabby cat Fireleaf. That cat could be anywhere right now. Often times off exploring whatever it could, the feline knew though always to return to his mistress. Ashla couldn't wait for her next time seeing him, to pick him up and place him into her lap. She would stroke his fur as he fell happily asleep.

... "Hey, get out of here dumb animal!"

Talk about a coincidence.

A bartender was using a broom and getting Fireleaf away from a tray of rich steak he had just set down on a table. The cat was able to tell when trouble was trouble and raced into another part of the crowded pub and skunked under a table. Ashla shook her head, her cheeks slightly turning red. She watched as the bartender turned away before calling "Fireleaf, get over here now."

The stubborn cat was pleased to see his owner and pranced quickly over to her. Ashla was suddenly quick to forgive the embarrassment Fireleaf had just caused and let him jump in her lap. She pulled a half of her cloak over him and pet the purring creature under it.

She looked up to Siegfried again and sighed, "I'm sorry about my cat... H-He is so sweet but is also really stubborn. Especially when it comes to food."

[Siegfried]

"Hot apple cider?" the elf thought to himself. "She must actually be the age she looks. More human than elf in that regard."

The waitress left them to their conversations which Siegfried took a moment to look the girl over instead. Her nervousness was apparent; a stark contrast to her battle demeanor. She fidgeted a little, and tried to speak up. Siegfried interlocked his fingers to listen, but the words did not come. Instead, a clatter and racket sounded in the distance. A cat, red in fur, scurried about to avoid the boot of an angry worker.

"Fireleaf, get over here now," she beckoned. The cat obeyed.

"It must be nice to have the luxury of pets," Siegfried commented. "He's a cute cat though. Keep him hidden and I'll see about ordering some of the local river trout for him."

Siegfried smiled. His priorities had no time for animals aside from a solid steed or war tiger. The days of vanity and companionship ended for him some two hundred years ago. Dozens of pets came an went in those years until the companionship became hollow. Their lives were too short, and the emotions they brought became less and less potent. For her, a girl of early adolescence, emotions were strong. She could still love, hate, and grieve with such vigor that the elf could no longer comprehend. Yet, he envied her.

His smile faded to something more stoic.

"How much do you know about the Corpse War?" he inquired. "Were you affected by it? Many elves cannot forget what happened for those dark, dark years."

He was blunt, to the point, and interested in business over pleasure.

"My people still suffer by daily raids from Xem'Zund's remnant hordes," he continued, "Many of our once great cities still lie in blighted ruins. Beasts and abominations still rampage the villages, travelers, and anyone not behind a city's walls."

"What about you?" he asked. "You mentioned Eiskalt. I have not heard of this place. You said your mother went from Raiaera to there?"

[Ashla]

Ashla started to cry again. She teared up.

She just looked at Siegfried for a moment, he had asked all the wrong things. Before she could move her arms to wipe them or her eyelids to hide them, tears of pain dripped down from her eyes. It was for several moments that she remained frozen, nothing but her own tears moving... Then she finally responded to herself. She quickly lifted her long, white sleeve to remove her tears. With the next set of quick slide emotions from Ashla Rose Icebreaker, there was rage. She glared at him. Why had she been so stupid to let the elf see her meltdown like that? She was an Icebreaker, meant to be frozen to the spot and sturdy as a mountain, not this weakling!

"That n-never happened..." Ashla stated in an extremely low voice. She placed her hands down to where Fireleaf was. The tabby soothingly rubbed against her stomach, sensing her stress. Ashla let out a shaky sigh and lifted her arms to the table. Her elbows now lay on the table, and her head now rested on her uplifted hands. Ashla closed her eyes, trying to remain calm this time.

"My mother became too popular in Raiaera. She moved and just kept trying and trying again to find a new life up until she reached my home, Eiskalt. She was paired up with my father, Ashfall Icebreaker, and they eventually had me..." Ashla wished not to go into further details, her explanation being pretty vague. She opened her eyes, eyes that lacked the life they usually had; this was a touchy subject for her.

"So yes, I was affected by the war, because my mother was. She may have lived a better life if her own parents weren't so poor as to be kicked out right when she was born. If it weren't for the war, she never would have met my father... And- I guess... I would not be here."

Ashla blinked, desiring her hot apple cider as of right now, simply for a distraction. "But I am way to young to have experienced the war... I-" she paused before sharing the next piece of information, "I- am... seventeen."

[Siegfried]

Siegfried jostled his head and leaned back in his chair when she began to weep. She looked right into his eyes and he could see that familiar memory in her expression. The way her brows scrunched together in pain, the way her eyes glistened with sorrow, and the way her voice quivered to speak, all of them reminded the Bladesinger of a time in his own life. His mind reached for the memory, his hart grew heavy, but only a shadow of the emotion remained. The decades of grief and terror were not as fresh to him as her.

The room around them quieted their chatter and looked to him. Their expressions toward him were of dissatisfaction and ire. Feeling the guilt of invoking such pain, Siegfried leaned forward to apologize. Instead, an expression of grief became anger, and the girl spat venom with her eyes. Beneath the anger, Siegfried still saw the alone, frightened girl. Within those fierce eyes, Ashla Icebreaker pounded away to be set free of her woes.

She placed her arms upon the table and head in her hands.

"I apologize..." he muttered in soft tones.

She looked up at him and told her story. He looked closely at her azure hues and saw nothing. All her emotion sealed away and stuffed down to keep her appearances in the presence of the acquaintance. It unnerved the Bladesinger. He knew such powerful emotions held within the body became a poison.

"I won't press further into your personal life." He stated.

"Here you are, Miss!" a familiar blonde piped as she set a steaming, wooden mug of cider in front of Ashla. "Oh. Are you okay?" The girl leaned over to examine the half elf's puffy eyes.

"She's not used to the tobacco smoke," Siegfried diverted as he folded his arms. "Being so young and all..."

The blonde pursed her lips and straightened. She scrunched her nose at the reasoning, but let it slide. She turned to Siegfried, "And I'm afraid we didn't have any of that peruv--"

"Puniceusviscus." He corrected.

"Right, that. Seems like we're out of the Raiaeran wines as well. The tender passed on that the shipment never came. Said it had something to do with a missing caravan."

Siegfried grew sullen at the news. Despite the dark conclusions he drew, he took a deep breath and calmly exhaled.

"Then a Lavinian Ale if you would, please."

"Right away!" She began to bounce her supple frame away before the elf stopped her.

"Oh, and if you could, a fillet of the local trout?" he added.

"Coming up!" she added softly in the distance and over the chatter of other patrons. Then, vanished down the steps.

"There," Siegfried turned to Ashla, "good thing she didn't notice our third guest." He smiled. "So let's have you do the asking this go around. Since you might be joining my quest, do you have any questions of me?"

[Ashla]

Ashla continued to rub her eyes to get the redness out of them, a bit embarrassed from showing such weakness. The girl listened to all of Siegfried's words though, and as he finished she finally felt she had rubbed her blue eyes enough. She placed her hands on her lap - or over her cat, who purred loudly now - and kept a pleasant demeanor.

Ashla smiled, her youth shinning again, when he finished. She looked down at Fireleaf, sleeping on her lap now. He was making her feel like she had a heavy blanket over her, she felt super hot still. She looked back up at Siegfried and chuckled, realizing he may be feeling she wasn't paying attention ... another embarrassment.

The sounds of people eating, dishes clanking, and the warmer fire crackling in the corner like fireworks. All distracting noises. But with a young person like Ashla, it was incredibly easy to tune everything out like the noises of battle against a close friend's plea for assistance. Ashla closed her eyes again, "Before I ask my questions, sorry for all my... excitement..." Another nervous chuckle escaped her, "I-I did hear what you say, 'ya know." She then forced herself to turn serious again and coughed, placing her grasped hand over her mouth as she did, "Now, onto my questions..."

Ashla already had an important one in mind, one that could decide whether she join Siegfried's campaign or not. She wanted to help, but she did have her standards. "Siegfried, what is your plan exactly for pulling off the rebuilding of Raiaera. Hopefully not anything like any unneeded violence." Ashla was trying to hide certain thoughts of her's on certain examples... like when she and her cousin, Fulgur II, had first entered Eiskalt when it was ruled by her dastardly uncle. Revenge, hatred, and bloodshed was what was twisted in both their brains when they first snuck past Fulgur I's ranks. A dire need to get even and make the man's life pay. Fulgur I had ruined Ashla's entire life, and Ashla had wanted him dead for it. However, as time passed and their goals of re-taking Eiskalt came closer to reality, Ashla learned that killing him was still not the answer. At least not for her own, selfish reasons. There was a very good chance that the attacker of Raiaera, Xem'Zund, still kept many elves prisoner by the pure hatred in their hearts. To take what is their's, Ashla knew to think of not just the past, but the future. Not just destroying the oppressors, but making sure that they themselves didn't destroy each other in their own voids and violence in the process. There is a perfect time for everything, revenge has barely any place at all - even when facing the king of suffering himself eye to eye...

Ashla could hope that this would not be the road Raiaera would go through. Ashla hated to admit it, but there could be a day where she herself would be blinded enough to simply not care at all anyways. There could be a day where she would take out all hate and pain without signs of mercy... but it was not today. Today, she would not fall for such treachery, and she wanted to be sure that Siegfried wouldn't either. The masked question maybe was vague, but it had such importance to it. Hate is a cycle, one that is so easy to fall for... only when one is willing to break that cycle can pain be broken for good.

[Siegfried]

The young half blood raised a poignant question, one not so easily answered. Judging by the weight in her expressive, blue eyes and her disregard for the beverage she originally seemed so excited for, the girl spoke from the heart. She spoke from an experience in her past, one most likely to blame for her taking up the sword at such a young age. The Bladesinger frowned subtly, not only in response to the question, but the dawning realization of her violent childhood.

"Honestly," Siegfried started with a deep breath of remorse, "what was once caused by violence, and is continuing to happen, cannot be absolved by peaceful means alone."

His own eyes lost their flicker of light for but a brief moment. Though emotions had lost potency in the decades of time, some thoughts and memories still carried an incorruptible weight. He glanced down to the empty surface where his beverage should be. The alcohol would prove comforting at this exact moment.

"There must be some of us to bear the weight others cannot. Some of us must carry the will of the many and brandish the blade to answer wishes of peace and happiness. That is my cause. That is my story. While I share your desire for peaceful transgressions, I also understand that there is necessary violence in this world. Sometimes, the only way to stop a blade is with another blade."

His voice carried sincerity and wisdom. With it, the worlds also held over a century of pain, truth, and experience. To one so new to the hardships of living, these statements could not translate the weight accurately. His prideful posture, stoic features, and stern eyes waned in a momentary weakness. He wanted to show her his resolve as she had already shown him.

"Here you are!" pipped the cheery tones of the barmaid. "Oh... Did I come at a bad time?" She addressed the elf with concerned eyes.

"No," Siegfried corrected with straightened posture and false smile. "Just the right timing." He offered her a curt nod and gestured to where he would like his drink. The maiden scrunched her brow, looked to the girl who moments ago had puffy eyes, and back to the elf who devolved from nobleman to ragged warrior. She took a deep breath with a heave of her chest and returned to her practiced smile.

"Excellent, well here you are!" She placed the dark, frothy ale in front of the dark haired elf. "And where would you like the trout?"

"Over there, please." Siegfried motioned to Ashla.

"Right! Then here we are!" She placed the hot plate of steaming, perfectly seasoned trout fillet in front of the Icebreaker. An aroma so rich that it invoked instant salivation wafted over to the elf. On top of the moist, white fillet rest a carefully placed row of lemon slices. It was easily clear to the elf why this place had men filling every seat. With food so expertly prepared, even he hungered for a bite.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" asked the woman. Siegfried took a moment to still his desire to indulge.

"No, you have been plenty helpful. Thank you." he replied.

"Alright! I'll be back in a while to check up on you two." The blonde curtsied, then wove her way back into the crowd to tend other tables.

"Let us take a moment from the conversation," Siegfried stated in his typical firm, yet smooth tone. "You'll have to tell me if your guest enjoys the trout; I haven't seen preparation like that since times almost forgotten."

He gestured to her with a smile before occupying his lips with a sip of his frothy ale.

[Ashla]

As soon as that fish was in smelling range, Ashla had to grab Fireleaf and pretty much squeeze his gut to keep him from high jumping mouth first into the fish. As soon as the waiter left, Ashla grabbed the fish tray and slid it under the table. Fireleaf immediately dug in, still allowing Ashla to pluck the lemon slices off for herself. Ashla set them on the table and watched Fireleaf pretty much shredding the fish. She chuckled, "Fireleaf loves it!"

She then picked up one of the lemons and proceeded to suck on it. Her eyes widened at how sweet it was, but she quickly warmed up to it. As she sucked the lemon's juices up, she reflected on her friend's words. Her own country was close to being attacked. The reason she even came to Corone was to get away from her snowy, crappy home country and test her skills a little before she fought the battle of her life. "My own country is entering a war," she started their conversation back up, "I can see what you mean by stopping a blade with a blade..."

She tossed her old lemon piece aside and picked up the next one, eyeing Siegfried, "There's a difference though between that and revenge..." Ashla had a go at revenge with her uncle before. While she and her cousin eventually killed him, Ashla hadn't done it due to hate. "I could have killed him out of revenge, but I didn't... I have the stupidest family ever! Thing is, I'd rather run from them than destroy them. 'Cause we all have flaws, I have flaws..."

She pulled the lemon to her lips and sucked on it for a moment, then pulled it out again, "Fighting fire with fire isn't always the way to go... I have a stupid family. What do I do, fight them with the same stupidity?" She scoffed, realizing how many times she had used the same word. She leaned back in her chair, "When it was necessary, when we were with no other option, we killed our uncle." She repeated that last part, throwing in a Fallieni curse. "I personally went after him when he threatened Julius with death... couldn't let him."

Oh yes, now we get to Julius Tabor. Since Ashla, her cousin Fulgur, and he had taken over Eiskalt, Julius and Ashla had been in a relationship. Even being close friends a while beforehand, the two were like peas in a pod. Julius was obsessed with Ashla, and she treasured him like he was all she had left. She was willing to give her last breath for him, and Julius probably felt the same but on a more irrational level. They were the fuel that kept each other running, they were each other's oxygen to inhale. Ashla knew her world would be a nightmare without him...

Ashla put the lemon in her mouth. She looked down to see Fireleaf was still feasting on his fish feast. The Icebreaker scoffed and turned back to the high elf Siegfried, awaiting his words to match her's.

[Siegfried]

"I see," Siegfried replied to her clear struggle. He rationally decided not to pursue the details. "Blood relations are exceptionally difficult. I'm sure you've heard of the Elven Civil War? We still fight our ancestral relatives to this day on top of Xem Zund's blight."

Siegfried took a sip of his ale to wash the bitter thoughts of the undead scourge from his mind. He set his glass down and cracked a faint smile at the excitedly flicking tail sticking from Ashla's lap. The elf could only assume fish carnage was taking place where tail met plate. The simple pleasures of seeing a primitive animal enjoy a treat warmed the otherwise dark discussion.

"But you're right," he continued, "though violence in necessary, it should never be guided by hate, revenge, or greed. These are the things I raise my blade against. I fight to see a day where betrayals, corruption, and fear are not commonplace. First, however, I purge a poisoned country of its scars. Then, I can worry about the politics and civil disagreements."

"So, Ashla, what would you say if I proposed a joining of our causes? Together we repair the damage done by our foolish generations past and move to a brighter future?" Siegfried rocked his mug of ale as pitched the proposition. The girl was still young with much to learn, but he saw promise through the pain in her eyes. If she could overcome her trials for the better, she too would see the world in a similar light to his own. Perhaps she too could grow to become a beacon of hope for her people as he aimed to be for his.

[Ashla]

Ashla felt heavy. Weighed down over everything. Her country, her family, herself... She didn't want to pile other things on top that. But this wasn't about her alone. She wanted to help. The last several generations had been foolish. She wanted to be different. She wouldn't make those same mistakes. Ashla had to deal with her own country first, but she would help Siegfried and his cause.

The pushed the lemons away, "I have a lot on my plate right now, but I can do what I can once Eiskalt is situated." She learned against the table and nodded, "I'm in."

Below them, the sound of metal clanging signified that Fireleaf was down to the scraps. Ashla already had seen it enough times, she could picture it in her head. That dumb feline was licking, biting, and scratching the plate. It slid around as the cat pushed it around in his quest to finish every last spec. Ashla chuckled at the thought, her gaze briefly falling to the tail sticking out from under the table. She then looked back to Siegfried, her face turning serious once again.

[Siegfried]

His keen elvish eyes saw through the girl’s exterior and witnessed her internal conflict. Through it, she surfaced like a true noble. He gave her a warm smile and a nod.

“Great to hear, Miss Icebreaker. If it is not of too much consequence to you, I would like to help with Eiskalt.”

Siegfried brought the mug to his lips and took a drag of ale. He let the vessel rest against the table and clasped it between the two of his hands while he returned her determined expression with one of his own.

“My people are coping with their problems and have been for many years. Yours are a young people. I know how much an extra set of hands helps this in dire times.”

Ashla paused at his request, somewhat taken by its selflessness. In the wake of all the recent destruction, his words felt like a soothing breeze. She opened her mouth to speak only to be checked by the racket of one enthusiastic Fireleaf beneath the table. Ashla raised a finger to her elven friend for a moment.

“What are you doing?!” she loudly whispered as she popped her head beneath the table.

The orange ball of fur and fish crumbles looked up to her with a cocked head and a faint meow as though to say, “huh?” A bit of fish slipped from his whiskers and onto the floor. Ashla sighed.

“You’re a mess,” she chided. Then, before he could continue to lick the plate clean, she plucked him from the floor and back into her lap.

Ashla stood up to a softly chuckling Siegfried. A rosy hue found its way to her cheeks.

“Anyway!” she continued. Meanwhile, Fireleaf licked his paws and tended to the leftovers clung about his whiskers. “I appreciate your offer and I accept!”

Siegfried smiled and offered a bow of his head.

“I will contribute my blade to your efforts,” he replied. “And I look forward to our alliance.”

Ashla smiled back; a sense of relief warmed her.

They remained in the tavern for some time after. Siegfried buckled and ordered a serving of fish that he had bought for Ashla’s pet. Fireleaf struggled to get his share of the second helping to their shared amusement. Afterward, they exchanged stories of happier times and burned away the evening oil enjoying life – old and new.

A serenade to the their pasts and to their future.

[Philomel]

Name Of Thread: A Serenade of Pasts and Futures (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?27471-A-Serenade-of-Pasts-and-Futures/page2)
Type Of Judgement: Basic Judgement
Participants: BlueGhostOfSeaside and Seigfried

Strengths:

The greatest strength for both of you in this was your description. With a very good word choice and a good hold on adjectives you wrote a story that was very good in technicality issues. Blue, you especially have a really god developing sense of description which can be seen in your first post with, "a bright, sunny field of trees and serenity." The positivity in this clause not only makes the reader smile but also want to read more. It gives a sort of 'peace before the storm' type of worth. Siegfried, similarly, you have a strong talent in your description, especially in the latter half of the piece, with, "words felt like a soothing breeze," which not only uses a similie as a great show of linguistic technique but also sounds pleasing to the ear. Encouragement to both of you to use more imagery, metaphor etc, but this is a definite strength.

There is a difference in your writing also, between writers, displaying each a unique style which is great to see, yet you compliment each other well. You seem to respect the other's character enough, yet also trust each other to partly bunny and also keep the same tone throughout. There is no sudden change in pitch from writer to writer, and although the posts are a little odd in length the whole piece flows well, proving you two can write well together.

The last strength comment here goes to the overall success of the story, in terms of structure and concluision. With a neat beginning (although a little rushed, see pacing weakness) and an ending that repeated the title of the entire thread, there was a definite start here of future ties. As an overall establishment of a pairing of characters, it worked well, and developed neatly. It folded in on itself almost, and had a gentle flowing ease to it, and had an excellent word choice especially for the title. Congratulations do go to Siegfried for it, as it works extremely well. This story has definite potential and though could have been a bit more in depth in terms of content did what it seemed to desire.

Weaknesses:

What could be developed on in this piece was a bigger sense of story. The story was something of a meeting between two significant characters, a time where they became friends and shared drink, which was mellow and gentle in itself. However, overall, there seemed something lacking, such as a rise of action. An agreement of kinds is reached, and a suggestion of further threads but what would really have helped to bring this thread out would be a little adventure (or misadventure), in essence, make the thread a little longer with them leaving the pub and perhaps action other than talking. They do not necessarily need to get into a fight or other, but a little variation would perhaps help the stagnation that grows.

Pacing seems rushed at times here, and also extremely slow. Blue, in your first post you speak about Eiskalt and recent battles, but this is very quickly said and not much refleced on in the rest of the piece. One wants to know the significance of it, and though it does help to identify the timeline in which your thread takes place, it could be good to insert a short explanation as if this was a stand alone piece. Never forget that these threads can be read completely out of context without prior knowledge so it could help to add in a wee clue here and there. The pace of the rest of the piece does slow down quite a lot, somewhat to the extent that in the middle it lags a little. With this in mind it would help if it sped up, and tensions built. The judge here completely understands that this is more a thread of the two characters meeting and making an alliance, but in essence you increase the pace.

Upon mechanics, most of it was fine, but there were a few commas needing placed here and there to break up larger sentences. Larger paragraphs, also, such as in Blue's post 7, could be broken up and made easier to read. Seigfried's was better in this regard. In post 8, Siegfried, you could use a little more variation on word choice at the beginning of your sentences (there is a chunk beginning with "he") but overall you do have a better hold on paragraphing. Encouragement here to both of you to read over your sentences before you post, perhaps allowed, to see how it flows and if you need to break them up some more.

Score: 60

Rewards:
BlueGhostOfSeaside (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16205-BlueGhostofSeaside) receives:
770 EXP
75 GP

Siegfried (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17372-Siegfried) receives:
530 EXP
75 GP

[Lye]

Points added.