June Vignette

[Tobias Stalt]

Summer has arrived, and with it, a new wave of content and activity for Althanas! In celebration of events like the Magus Cup- slowly winding to its close, Gisela on the way, and a plethora of other fun additions, I've come up with this Vignette that ought to be friendly to everyone. The last two didn't meet with much enthusiasm or activity, so I'd like to redeem the Judges in your eyes. Submitted, for your pleasure:

The June Vignette prompt!

Every character has their own set of skills, which is what gives variety and spice to their interaction. Knowing this, sometimes the character is met with a challenge that presses them to the literal edge of their comfort zone and even further. Your mission is to identify a task that is not one your character would normally undertake and present how they overcome it (or, if you prefer, how they fail to do so.)

Be creative, use your imagination, and wow the judges! You have until the end of the month.

Get to writing, Althanas!

[Eli]

The always surprisingly cool desert night air drifted lazily through the arched openings leading to the many balconies adjacent the open air ballroom. The gentle undulations of the diaphanous tapestries depicting the kingdoms many military exploits and pretending to cover the ways were in stark contrast to the veils the dancers spun among themselves, tearing like comets in the dancers’ outstretched hands. They whirled and leaped upon the ebony and oak platform at the center of the marble and sandstone ballroom; a gift from the High Elves at this cultural exchange. The reliefs carved into the pillars, depicting heroes and legends of days long past danced in their own way, in the flickering light of the fires atop the the pillars which had once been meant to hold a roof but in modern times were decoration only. The band, at least a dozen drummers from the kingdom and 7 sitar players from the elves who learned very quickly, played a fast and driving beat

Eli’s collar itched. It too, a part of his whole formal and sumptuous attire, was a gift of the elves. It was a deep vermilion silk tunic, too hot for this country and poorly fitted, embroidered with unicorn hair depicting the few flowering plants native to the region. His trousers where at least in proper desert style; loose, flowing and stark white. Mercifully he had avoided the sandals as they had not survived the trip. He was told they were made with more gold brocade than he thought was possible.

“I apologize for the fit of your tunic my friend. Eli sounds more feminine in our tongue than you would believe. I will sing it corrected myself before we return home.” the elvish high ambassador, Leth-something-or-other, said across the Sultana’s empty chair at the table along the back wall.

Eli wanted to say “Everything sounds effeminate in your ridiculous tongue you mincing, knife eared twit.” Instead he mmmmed in vague assent and managed a “Thank you.” He was after all, the chosen negotiator. He was apparently a semi-mythic figure in the region. The Water Serpent. He had made the oasis the city was founded on two centuries ago while lost in the desert and he was recognized from the paintings or something. He assumed the royals here were merely gullible. While he had indeed done that, they had no reason to believe it. Just then the Sultana, only sixteen and very much under the thumb of the court advisers and blissfully oblivious, returned from her dancing.

“You enjoy falling of sister, correct?” she said to Lethendil in High Elvish.

“The dance was wonderful, your thousand graces. Very passionate. That beat could shake the stars.” the ambassador replied in the desert tongue, returning the Sultana’s broad smile.

“I’m glad,” said the monarch, “Will you show us a dance of your people? The Water Serpent has told me of the Tango. I would very much like to see it. Perhaps the two of you could demonstrate.” Eli choked on his wine. The ambassador's smile perhaps missed her eyes. The sultana beamed, mistaking the tension between the two as something other than barely restrained violence. Seeing no way out, Eli stood and offered his hand. Seeing no way out, the ambassador took it. Eli lead her to the platform and the elvish musicians gave the drummers a quick tutorial on 6:8 time.

Assuming their frame the ambassador said so only Eli could hear, “The last time you were in Eluriand, Butcher, you were hardly in a position to dance. Are you sure you know how to tango?”

“You’re just mad because I beat your archmagi like rented mules.” they began to dance. To the humans and dwarves in the room Eli looked quite skilled. To the elves and Eli, Eli looked like a buffoon and indications otherwise were only by dint of the ambassador’s impressive skill.

“Let’s cut the cultural exchange bull Leth. You want access to this country’s myrrh and spices and you’re willing to go to war get them. I think you should go soak your head and would love to personally assist you in the matter but the sultana disagrees. So what are you offering in trade?”

“Well for starters we could teach you manners.” Eli tripped. The ambassador passed it off as a reverse dip to much applause from the assembly. “We were thinking silk and fine woods. Luxury for luxury.”

“Speaking from personal experience, silk is ill suited to the climate. What else ya got.”

“Alright, fine woods and we won’t conquer this glorified city state by accident, in our sleep, with half a squad of trainee bladesingers.”

“So one human homeland wasn’t enough then? I gleefully await the sacking of Eluriand. But you have a deal. Silk and wood. ”

With the conclusion of the farcical negotiations Eli ended the dance. As they bowed to one another they took the opportunity to take parting shots at one another. “We’ll find a way to end you, Butcher.”

“I will bury your civilization.” Eli lead her off the dance floor to the sound of thunderous applause.



This story combines the four things Eli is worst at: delicate negotiations, dancing, elves, and women. Hopefully it's good for a laugh.

[Ashla]

I had soooo much fun writing this one!! xD And even though cooking is listed in Ashla's skills, she still is barely a cook at all.


"..."

All Ashla could muster up was silence over such the request given to her.

As the lady of Eiskalt, Ashla knew she had to be good at speaking, which she was... but food?

"I-" Ashla finally spoke, "I can't cook an entire feast! I can barely make a very burnt roast!"

Julius Tabor was chuckling in a corner, while Fulgur II was just starring her on, "Well too bad." He turned to return to his duties as kind of Eiskalt, "I expect the entire meal to come out by noon."

Ashla just stood there, in the massive kitchen within the castle. The sounds of chiefs and bakers doing their job was already buzzing around... and Ashla was just standing there like an idiot. Julius, with his hand covering his massive grin, walked up to her, "D-don't worry Ash-shl-la, you'lllllll thi-ink of o-of s-s-somethi-i-in-g..."

Ashla just glared at him, breaking out of her trance, "Just shut up, Julius..."


~~~

Ashla felt so ... weird ... wearing this apron. She also had her tied back in a tight bow. She held a wooden spoon and a steel bowl, just starring at them. She then looked up to the counter, several stacks of dough and eggs in front of her. She had no idea what to do... She heard footsteps pass her, she looked over to see another cook passing by.

Ashla turned red as a tomato as she asked her, "Hi, um... Could you help me?"

The cook, a redhead with freckles who seemed a bit younger than Ashla, smiled at her, "Sure."

I'm asking another girl younger than me to help me do something all ladies should know how to do...

The younger girl, who Ashla learned was named Jessica, helped Ashla do everything. She helped her mix the batter for cakes and Shepard's pie, she helped her toss the salads, and she helped her even chop some onions... and the entire time Ashla's face was red.

After they were finally done with everything in what had taken several hours, Ashla was sweaty and had dough, flower, and oils all over her entire body. She had had a rough time, as her bun was not quite so neat anymore. Just as she and Jessica had pulled the last roast (which was slightly burnt) out of the oven, Ashla was startled by a voice behind her, "Nice work, Lady Icebreaker."

Ashla swerved around to see Fulgur II standing right there. His short, black hair standing out incredibly from his cold, pale face, He gave her a short smile, "My, Ashla, you seem to have had a rough time... Even this food doesn't look all the best."

It was true, just about all the crusts on anything were rather burnt, the salads either had too little or too much onions and olive oil, and the roasts were a bit small and still had pink to them...

Fulgur sighed, "...This will do though."

Ashla sighed in relief, "Th-thank you..."

Fulgur nodded to some servants and they started to bring out the food. Meanwhile, Ashla turned to a peppy looking Jessica.

"How can I ever thank you??"

Jessica smiled, "I was just doing my job m'lady. But a quick question... you don't know how to cook?? Why?"

Ashla turned red once again, it took her several moments to respond. Ashla had tried to cook so many times in the past, for her uncle and for herself. She had failed miserably. She even went to a lady's etiquette class and failed to cook even a small roast there! Ashla was feeling so embarrassed... "I- uh... ... Just ... I do know how to cook! I just was so rushed and all, I just..." The lie had just sprung out.. Ashla rubbed the back of her neck, catching some dough there as well. A nervous smile spread across her grubby face, she needed a long bath...

Jessica smirked, "I see..."

Ashla hoped that she didn't.

[Tobias Stalt]

These were both humorous. Both of you kept to the prompt well enough, though I saw several minor things I can mention offhand to benefit you both.

Eli: I see you struggle a bit with punctuation. Some of your thoughts would be made much more clear if you went back and added a comma, or changed a period into one. For instance, with a spoken sentence, if the dialogue is incomplete or breaks, you should write it like so: "It's a difficult journey," Tobias informed Eli. Sometimes sentences can be combined to greater effect.

In addition, there are times when repetitive writing becomes monotonous or detracts from what you're trying to get at. You wrote at one point, "Seeing no way out, ____. Seeing no way out, ____." You could change the words to invoke the same feeling. Don't bog yourself down with a small pool of words.

Ashla: You command your ideas well, but you present them weakly in some cases. For instance, ellipses. You overuse them. There are places where it is acceptable, even encouraged to use them, as it evokes a sense of foreboding. When used abundantly to show confusion, fear, shyness, or the like, it restricts the dialogue and makes the emotion seem bland and one-dimensional. You want to make the words show the emotion, yes, but you want the character to exemplify it.

Instead of telling the reader "she was so embarrassed," use clues like "Ashla turned bright red," or "her eyes shifted constantly, and she chewed on her lip." Body language is a powerful thing. It would make the writing far more powerful if you shifted from "telling" the reader things to "showing" them.

Eli receives 200 Exp and 150 Gold
Ashla receives 150 Exp 100 Gold.

[Alyssa Snow]

EXP & GP added!